Moonshine (2021) s02e07 Episode Script

1
RHIAN: Previously on "Moonshine".
LIDIA: Kidnapping me. (GASPS)
The Moonshine is in trouble!
The hole is deeper than we thought.
- How deep?
- $350K deep.
Did you know that your
boyfriend is probably involved
in the disappearance
of Milk Crate Mike?
- NORA: Who's that?
- Our director.
- Ooh! Ooh!
- KEN: Your director.
NORA: Some big media company
offered me a job in LA.
Ow. I felt a twitch.
I went to pee and there was blood.
- Ani.
- Hey, Ryan.
(WATER RIPPLING)
ANI: Caretta, Caretta,
AKA the Loggerhead Sea Turtle.
Sexiest beast of the deep, blue sea.
They're driven by magnetoreception.
The Earth's magnetic field
directs the turtles
to return to their exact birthplace.
A sense of home encoded
in their very DNA.
Some women are lionesses,
others are cougars.
I am the Loggerhead.
I hide in my shell,
- smart, but shy,
- (HEAR BEAT THUMPS)
And there's an instinctual
force in me, too.
(KEYS CLACK)
But it's not leading me
back to where I was born.
It's leading me back to the place
that changed my life forever.
(WAVES LAP)
Wait so
you're Sammy's mom?
And I'm Sammy's father?
♪
♪
ANI: Yeah, I know.
This is my life, this is my life ♪
This is my life, my life ♪
This is my life, this is my life ♪
This is my life, my life ♪
(BIRDS CHIRP)
(SEAGULLS CRY)
I'm sorry, Ryan.
I'm sorry for everything.
I always thought that you
never returned my calls
because you somehow figured out
- that I'd become a screw-up.
- I never, ever thought that.
Broke my heart when you disappeared.
Just wish I'd known sooner.
Like, 22 years sooner.
Things might've been different.
I never even told my parents.
You had the baby alone.
I said I wanted to learn French,
and then, I transferred
to school in Montreal.
I stayed with some friends.
That's where I had him.
I wanted to tell you so much.
But then, I knew you would come
looking for me, and
then they would find out.
I was scared of my family.
I was scared of being judged.
I get that.
I really get that.
It was hard.
I thought about him every single day.
(SIGHS) And then, I saw
that video and
something clicked.
I was drawn back here.
Like a turtle.
Caretta, Caretta
of family Cheloniidae.
(LAUGHS)
Oh, my God!
He's got your brain!
- He does?
- He does!
You have to meet him.
And everyone. Oh uh
Wait, right now, Ryan?
I have been waiting
a long time for this.
And so has Sammy.
Now is the only time that exists.
Okay.
We thought that the
LeBlanc's nabbed you.
What? No, no.
It was just a girls',
cabin-in-the-woods
exorcism getaway thing.
Not as relaxing as it sounds.
- What are you doing here?
- Oh. (LABOURED EXHALE)
Would you um, excuse us?
I need to have a little
tête-a-tte with my wife.
Ex-wife.
(GLASS CLINKS)
Fine. I'm only coming
'cause I really need to pee.
(MUTTERING) What the
(DOOR CLICKS OPEN)
You could've given me
a heads up you were coming.
And what's all this chummy,
Kumbaya-by-the-fire shit?
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
- (DOOR SLAMS)
Did you find it upsetting
to see your husband
hanging out with your
new biker boyfriend?
Do you know what else
is pretty upsetting?
Discovering that the mother
of your children
has hijacked a truckload
of snow crabs,
and is involved in the
middle of a turf war,
and you could pee without
the water running?
I don't even know who you are anymore.
Can you hand me some toilet paper?
Top of the fridge by the tub of jerky.
You know, El and Finn
begged me to come, and
and I could now see why.
- (DOOR CLICKS OPEN)
- You have lost your mind.
- They think I've lost my mind?
- You're dating a felon!
And did you meet his little sidekick?
Well, that man is a wall
of aggression.
They held me here, hostage,
against my will.
What I saw there didn't look
like it was against your will.
Eventually I decided
to stay because Gale
he's really cool. But that
doesn't change the fact
that he's a menace to society.
You have no right to judge me,
Mr. Bang-the-Intern.
Oh, come on, at least
Marcie is not a criminal.
Just go, please.
Tell the kids I'm okay. Wake them up.
I'll be over soon. Go, go, go.
Thank you.
Uh, sorry, I-I need to shower.
Alone. Huh.
But I do need to talk to you.
Okay?
Meet me at the diner at 1:00.
(DOOR CREAKS SHUT)
♪
(CELL PHONE BUZZES)
NORA: Wow.
(CLEARS THROAT) Reason for visit?
Uh, the thing in my uterus died,
along with my hopes and dreams.
I'll just circle A.
We don't know that for sure,
about the thing.
You're right. It's probably nothing.
Let's go get an egg sammy.
You need to get your vagine
checked and face reality.
Ignoring it is not gonna
make it any less real.
Since when are you the expert
on facing reality,
Miss Moving-to-LA
and-not-telling-Terry?
I'm sorry, I was a little
busy in the woods
dealing with Lidia's
perimenopausal psychosis.
Terry supports your dreams.
Way more than he ever supported mine,
which is annoying.
Why are you so afraid to tell him?
Because the furthest I have
ever been from Foxton is Truro.
What if I hate LA?
All those entitled showbiz vegans.
What if people don't like my stuff?
And telling people, telling Terry,
I just, I it's I
Ignoring it isn't gonna
make it any less real.
Match point, me.
Can you for one second be cool?
(BREATHING QUICKLY) Oh, God.
I came as fast as your
lawnmower would take me.
I will be right by your side,
no matter what.
They would have to
horse-tranq me to stop me.
You rode my lawnmower
without my permission?
NURSE: Rhian Finley-Cullen?
Come on.
♪
DAVIDE: (SIGHS) Quick, my Love!
Take up my harpoon and
complete our adventure!
Over the years,
I have envied my husband's adventures.
(DEEP BREATH)
(QUESTIONING SIGH)
This feels silly.
- What does, my dear?
- The words.
I'm supposed to make
The audience remember
that child-like wonder still exists.
I-I don't know
if I know how to do that.
Trust me.
You have the gravitas
of a woman who's lived.
Silver strands.
Laugh lines. Strong hands.
Man, I don't know how you do it.
Do what?
Watch Bobby Broadway
jazz-hands your woman.
Apparently it's all just theatre.
Would the tentacles kindly remember
they do not have mouths!
I'd like to stick that
harpoon up his ass.
(SCOFFS) Hmm.
Let's take it from the kiss.
Uh, um the kiss.
I wanted to talk to you about that.
Some notes are always worth exploring.
The other day,
was it a kiss-kiss?
Because it felt like it was.
Hmm. What if it was?
What do your instincts tell you, Bea?
♪
(PLAYFUL LAUGHTER, WAVES LAPPING)
I'm sorry if I've been a little
- Batshit?
- MIA?
- We got anymore lox?
- But seriously,
should we get your shrink on Zoom?
(SCOFFS) God.
(FOOTSTEPS THUD)
(PAPERS RATTLE, DRAWERS CLUNKING)
I put it where I'd know to look.
Hey, Dad. How's the play goin'?
Oh, ask your mother.
Or, should I say, Doris.
- It's going well, dear.
- Ah, ha!
There she is. In the freezer.
(DOOR CLUNKS)
For the ceremonial uncorking
of the moonshine on Labour Day.
Or getting rid of Davide.
Oh, yes. The Moonshine party
with actual moonshine.
Wow, if that thing slips,
you're gonna need a tetanus shot.
Do you have something that's
a little less dated?
Why is everyone so consumed
with replacing old things?
Ken, we may not like Daniel,
but if you're gonna be rude
(CHUCKLES)
KEN: Sammy! Are we booking
that flight to England?
Doubt it. Interview was a mess.
I find that hard to believe.
Well, I've never volunteered
with the Indigenous people of Guyana.
So, as far as the nepotism
channel goes
No offence, Mom and Dad.
Tell 'em about my moonshine.
Tell 'em I'm a
chemical engineer.
(ALL SCOFF AND LAUGH)
Listen, I get that Gale has
this undeniable magnetism,
and those eyes,
so stormy blue with just
a hint of green-grey,
but you're gonna have to nip
this whole midlife crisis
in the bud. Pronto.
Mainly because we can't afford bail.
Okay, so you got to stop
weighing in on my choices
when our marriage ended.
But in this case, I agree with you.
By sundown, my outlaw biker fling
will be nothing but a memory.
Memory I will think of often
in more private times.
Okay. Well, I hope your breakup skills
have improved since you dumped me.
Publicly. Loudly.
Under a pirate chuppah.
I hope so, too.
- And I'm sorry.
- Nah, I deserved it.
Just do me a favour,
let Gale down gently
because losing you
really sucks.
And he's got a gun.
(SLURPS COFFEE)
Ryan, maybe you should give
yourself some time to process.
I've had 22 years.
You've had 22 minutes.
No, this isn't about me.
Sammy's been looking for you.
Wondering about you his whole life.
He thought you were dead!
This is a good thing.
I just think we need
to be gentle here.
Nobody knows this
family better than me.
And would you rather just
rando run into Sammy?
- Then what?
- Just wait!
Ryan, wait, Just, just
Oh, I don't think we
should do this right now.
(DOOR CLICKS CLOSED)
(NERVOUS EXHALE)
Sammy.
Uh, look at you.
Oh, my God.
What's what's going on?
Sammy, everyone,
I'd like to introduce
you to someone
special to me.
An old friend of mine,
Ani.
She worked one summer at
the fish and chips shack,
and we kinda fell in love.
We had our first boning
session on the beach
- Ryan, I don't think
- Ani
Everyone, drumroll, please!
Seriously, you're gonna
want a drumroll.
What's happening here?
- Sammy,
- No.
we found her.
Ani is your bio mom.
And we've got somethin' else
to tell you.
- Spit it out, Son.
- It's me!
I'm Sammy's bio Dad!
And I've been here, all along!
Ho-ly shit.
So, that means, Lidia, Nora, Rhian,
they're all your aunts.
Dad's your Grandpa,
Mom's your Grandma,
- Eleanor and Finn are your
- Hi. Um
this isn't exactly the way I
wanted to have this go down,
but I am so glad to meet you.
(WAVES LAP IN DISTANCE)
(DISTANT PLAYFUL CHATTER AND LAUGHTER)
(FOOTSTEPS THUD)
BEA: Sammy!
(DOOR CLUNKS OPEN)
Get ready for your minds
to be blown, people.
I am having twins!
Woo!
Twins! Ha, ha!
Two babies.
(LIGHT KNOCK, DOOR CREAKS OPEN)
Can we talk?
Oh, Honey.
- We love you so
- No, Mom, don't.
Just don't, okay.
We all know how this is gonna go, so,
why don't I just
(SIGHS) save everyone the trouble.
Okay.
How's it gonna go?
You usually walk in here
and you say comforting things
to duct-tape over the problem.
And then, if that doesn't work,
I talk to Lidia.
If Lidia's not busy stealing trucks.
And if she is busy stealing trucks,
I'm sure Rhian will threaten Ryan
until he apologizes
for the absolute grenade
that he just dropped.
And then, shit really goes
south, and then, from there,
I go to Nora, who will
only make me see
that the absurdity
of the situation is just
is just something that
just can't be fixed.
You're good.
Very good.
Oh, God.
We're gonna leave you alone.
We just wanted to see
if you needed us.
Yeah, I do, I have um,
I have one question.
How is it possible
that nobody noticed a Black,
teenage girl
working here for an entire summer,
and-and Ryan,
who had sex with everybody,
found me, I don't know,
what, nine months later?
Hun, we had
hundreds of part-time employees
over the years.
Oh, please.
We may not have been as attentive
as-as we could've been.
I know that, and it's not an excuse.
Yeah. We are so sorry.
We can only imagine how you feel.
No! You can't!
Because the brother that
I've been taking care of
since I could talk,
is, is my biological father!
And her!
She knew where I was the entire time.
And she just like, never came looking?
I changed my mind. I changed my mind.
I wish I never found her.
Just, just tell her to go.
Just tell her to go!
Congratulations.
(FOOTSTEPS RECEDE)
(DOOR CLICKS OPEN, SHUTS)
Was that
Yep.
(WAVES LAP)
(BOTTLE CLANGS, ALCOHOL BURBLES)
Kid had a point. (ACCEPTING SIGH)
How did we miss putting those
puzzle pieces together?
We looked for that girl.
We tried.
Not hard enough, I guess.
Maybe it was selfish.
You know, some part of us not wanting
Sammy's real mother to be found.
It wasn't selfish.
We had five kids and this place.
We were overwhelmed.
So it takes a massive family crisis
for us to get talking again.
I've been around.
- You've been busy.
- Yes.
Davide and I are trying
to put on a show.
I'd like to put his teeny,
tiny face in a bench vice.
He's not the problem here.
Things were just dandy
before he showed up.
No, it wasn't.
You've half-assed everything
I've wanted to do since retiring.
Seems the only thing
you want to do, is Davide.
Is it so wrong,
for me to want to have a man
look at me again,
- and not fall asleep?
- I look at you all the time.
I'm lookin' at you right now.
You might look at me,
but you don't see me, Ken.
I'm playin' a goddamn
tentacle, for God's sake.
I don't know what more
you want from me.
Forget it.
(FOOTSTEPS CRUNCH AWAY)
(FRUSTRATED SIGH)
(TRUNK SLAMS)
RYAN: Ani! Ani! Ani! Ani! Ani!
Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait!
That could not have gone any worse.
When I rehearsed it
in my head, it was a beautiful,
poignant reunion, I swear.
(DOOR SHUTS)
Let me fix this. Please?
It's not all on you.
I agreed, so it's on me.
I didn't know the right thing
to do then,
- and I sure don't now.
- We can make this better.
No, you guys have
some things to work out.
And Sammy clearly wants
nothing to do with me, so,
- I should just go.
- You can't leave.
- Promise rock decrees it.
- Excuse me?
Remember the rocks
we painted that summer?
I don't know what
you're talkin' about.
We swore that if one of us
ever needed anything,
really bad,
all one person had to do
was present that rock,
and then, the other person
had to do it.
One time only. No questions asked.
This rock says "Kelsey".
Ha, ha!
In the spirit of the promise rock,
give me one hour.
Please, just meet me for a
paddle boat like we used to.
That wasn't me either, Ryan.
(SIGHS) Okay, that was me.
Ha, ha.
- Fine. One hour.
- That's all I need.
At the marina. Okay?
(CARS WHOOSH BY)
The last few weeks have been amazing
but I-I just feel like
I need some space.
(DOOR CLOSES)
Like, a lot of space.
I-I feel like I need
to focus on myself.
Honey, just rip off the bandage.
- (COFFEE BURBLES)
- Hmm.
- (GENTLE TAP ON GLASS)
- (NERVOUS) Oh, hi.
(BELL JINGLES)
(LIDIA GIGGLES NERVOUSLY) Hey.
(LEATHER CRINKLES)
Hi.
Alison. I'm starvin'.
What's good here?
Everything.
All right, I'll have the burger,
side salad instead of fries
and a iced tea,
unsweetened. Please.
- So, (CLEARS THROAT)
- Oh?
- About this morning.
- Hmm. Right, yeah.
Just a lot of family stuff.
Turns out my brother
is actually my nephew.
And it's a very long story.
Uh.
About you coming to my parents'
play tonight,
Uh, is that what this is about?
You're nervous about
the first official
family event?
Hmm, what I'm about to say
is-is actually a big deal.
Okay, I-I've been meaning
to have a big deal chat with you, too.
You have?
This, us, you and me.
I mean, it's a lot,
and it's been happening
so fast, and after meeting
Daniel I-I just wonder,
you know, if you need to take a beat?
And
you know, (SIGHS)
Finish your unfinished business.
Wait, are you breaking up with me?
Think you should take some time
and some space.
Focus on yourself.
On myself.
Okay.
Whoa, that's
I've never had a man care about
my emotional space before.
It's refreshing.
I mean, most guys would just ghost you
once they don't wanna
be with you anymore.
(DOOR BELL JINGLES)
I didn't say I didn't
wanna be with you.
Oh.
Uh
I'm just trying to do
what's right for you.
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS, DOOR THUMPING)
♪
LIDIA: Oh, Gale! Oh!
(MOTORCYCLE REVS AWAY)
♪
- (RECEIPT CRINKLES)
- Glad you came
to your senses.
Hmm.
(POLICE SIREN WAILS)
Did you dump his biker ass, or what?
Uh, well,
I mean, we had a conversation
and decided to
- Why are you flushed?
- Hmm?
Is that a hickey? Jesus.
In that filthy diner bathroom?
Who are you, me?
- What're you even doing here?
- Oh, nothing.
Just saving your life.
That bathroom bang could've
been your last. Ever.
Because you got murdered.
Tell her, Ter.
So, Nora got a tip.
He called into the show.
Gale's a murderer!
Oh, and Gale is not his real name.
Though unclear why anyone would
choose "Gale" as an alias.
- What? No, no.
- Mm-hmm.
I mean, I-I know he's a
criminal, but he's-he's
Gale killed Milk Crate Mike.
My druggie ex?
Yeah, they found Mike's body.
Well, technically, parts
of his body, his ankle,
and a few teeth. Show her, Ter!
That warehouse is the crime
scene of the murder.
And Gale, not his real name's
fingerprints are all over it.
- Where'd you get this?
- I've got buddy
Colleague in Fredericton.
They've got ballistics,
photos, and all of it points
to blue eyes.
A lesser person would gloat.
- Say "I told you so."
- Okay,
if you have evidence,
then why is he roaming free?
And being so-so sensitive,
and saying just the perfect things?
And having exceptional day sex
in unacceptable bathrooms
with unsuspecting women?
Ha! So you did bang in the bathroom.
Okay, they're building a federal case
against the Marauders.
If I arrest him now, it tips them off,
and blows the whole investigation.
Okay. Great.
So, what am I supposed to do here?
Loyalty is very important
to outlaw bikers.
They feel betrayed,
they lash out. Right?
Until we arrest the leadership,
which could be weeks,
or even months, best play is just
keep things status quo.
So, I'm supposed to just um,
keep boning a really inappropriate,
maybe murderer,
for the indefinite future.
I rest my case.
You are me.
♪
(WAVES LAP GENTLY, SEAGULLS CRY)
(SIGHS)
(FOOTSTEPS TAP ON BOARDS)
SAMMY: Hey!
Sammy. Ryan set us up.
(SIGHS)
Yeah, he's uh,
full of surprises this week.
(READS) "Paddle your into each
others livers. Love Ryan"
"AKA Big Papi."
Save you seats at the play.
If you wanna just walk away,
I understand.
- You don't owe me anything.
- No, I know, I just
I've been doing a lot of thinking,
and I still have no idea
how to handle this,
or if I even
want to handle this?
I'm uh
I'm-I'm lost.
I'm lost, too.
♪
(PADDLES WHOMPING IN WATER)
I've always loved this view.
- Me too.
- (CHUCKLES)
(NERVOUS CHUCKLE)
So, you interviewed for Oxford?
- Yeah!
- I love London.
- Oh yeah?
- Mm-hmm.
That's really cool. I've-I've, um,
- I've never been outside Canada.
- Oh.
So, is there anything
you wanna ask me?
Anything at all?
Uh, Ryan says you're uh,
a professor in New York.
Uh, what's your focus?
- Archaeology.
- Oh, cool!
- What's yours?
- Uh, anthropology, as well.
- Oh!
- But um, ethnology.
- Cool.
- Yeah.
It's um
okay, this isn't going anywhere.
Yeah, I know. It's awkward.
I'm sorry, I just, I really
wanna make this work.
No, no, I mean like,
the boat, we're not
Oh!
We're not moving.
Paddle must be broken again.
Then how do we get home?
Oh, with the uh,
battery motor that we
keep in here.
Okay, um, Ryan has removed it.
But
burritos and root beer?
Carnitas forever.
- (BOTH CHUCKLE)
- (BOTTLES CLINK)
Might as well eat
while we wait for someone
to come find us.
Yeah.
♪
(CRICKETS CHIRP, THUNDER ROLLS GENTLY)
(JAZZ MUSIC IN DISTANCE)
(PACING FOOTSTEPS TAP)
- GALE: Hey.
- (GASPS) Oh, God. Ha.
- You okay?
- Yeah, right as rain.
Or an ominous squall,
as the case may be. (GIGGLES)
Good thing my big, strong man
is here to keep me safe. (GIGGLES)
After you.
(THUNDER ROLLS)
(LOW HUM OF CHATTER,
JAZZ MUSIC CONTINUES)
♪
Hey.
Wow, you're super
affectionate tonight.
PDA Lidia. That's me! (GIGGLES)
Hands off, ladies.
He's mine! (GIGGLES)
DAVIDE: Good evening,
the Foxton Thespian Society
welcomes you. Please,
silence all your devices
because electronics
cannot save you from
"The Call of The Kraken!"
- (CLAPPING)
- WOMAN: Woo-hoo!
- (LIGHTS CLUNK)
- Come ye all,
draw close and near.
To hear a tale of woe and fear.
While the waves crash
at a furious whip.
Watch as our stage
becomes the doomed ship.
(OMINOUS MUSIC, FLOORBOARDS CREAK)
(BROOMS SWISHING)
♪
There be a storm on the horizon.
Raise the sails and pray
to your salty gods,
that we can outrun this foul deluge.
(SHIP'S WHEEL RUMBLES)
(THUNDER SHEET TWANGS)
The storm is almost upon us.
♪
Have you seen Ani and Sammy yet?
No, but I gotta say,
this play's really doin' it for me.
- Shhh!
- You shh!
They should've returned
from their paddle voyage
of reunification by now.
Ry, sometimes you just need
to take a night off
from the never-ending
shitfinity that is this family.
Shhh!
Shush me again, Oink,
and I will make it so
that your ears wind up
where the sun don't shine
and the short and curlies
do cause choking.
Speaking of which, tell Terry yet?
- Shh.
- Ha!
- Nora!
- Yeah?
- I'm diggin' your show.
- Shh!
(ALL SHUSHING)
(DAVIDE CONTINUES PERFORMING)
It be upon us! The storm!
(THUNDER CRASHES)
(HEAVY RAIN PATTERS)
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
(PULLEYS CLANGING)
DAVIDE: This be no normal storm!
This be the dark magic
of the Kraken's tempest!
(THUNDER CRACKS)
ANI: Where are we?!
I can't see the shore!
DAVIDE: Pull!
If you want your lungs
free from a briny death!
You must pull!
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
I'm gonna try to swim us
back to shore!
Be careful, Sammy!
(THUNDER CRACKS, WATER SPLASHES)
FINN: Ah! Ah!
Man overboard! Help him!
ANI: Sammy! Hold on!
- (WATER BUBBLING)
- ANI: (MUFFLED) Hold on!
- (WATER BUBBLES)
- (PANTING HEAVILY)
FINN: It be Davey Jones'
locker for me.
ANI: Sammy!
(MUMBLING)
(GASPS FOR AIR)
Ah! Ah! Help!
ELEANOR: Cut and run!
It be too late for Hamish, Captain!
The Kraken will have us all.
DAVIDE: I'd like to see
that foul beast try!
ANI: Sammy!
The current is too strong!
FINN: I'm drowning! Ah!
(THUNDER CRACKS)
ANI: Hold on, Sammy!
I'm coming in to help!
(THUNDER CRACKS)
- FINN: Ah!
- Oh, Finn!
Ah!
(WATER SPLASHES VIOLENTLY)
ANI: Sammy! Sammy!
FINN: Ah! Ah! Ah!
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
Hamish is dead.
Goodbye, Hamish.
(RAIN PATTERS, THUNDER CRACKS)
ANI: Sammy!
- (CLAPPING)
- Tempo!
BEA: That was magnificent.
Prick thinks he owns this stage.
Quit whining, man.
It's time you reminded them
who built the damn stage.
Hammered every goddamn nail.
ELEANOR: It be many years
later, says I.
♪
(AUDIENCE CLAPS AND CHEERS)
♪
BEA: But you killed
the Kraken years ago.
Have you gone into a madness?
I be more sane than any man
who's ever lived.
And I say the Kraken's had a child.
And it wants us dead!
BEA: Then we will kill it!
Together.
(LIGHT BLOW)
- (AUDIENCE CLAPS)
- RHIAN: Woo! That was great.
- That was good.
- That was really good.
(THUNDER CLAPS)
DAVIDE: There will now be
a 15-minute intermission.
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
(RAIN PATTERS, THUNDER CLAPS)
This play is really somethin'.
Hmm. You're really
something. (GIGGLES)
Mm. (LIPS SMACK)
- I'll be back in a minute.
- Okay. Don't be long.
Miss you!
(LOW HUM OF CHATTER)
- What was that back there?
- What?
I'm just doing what Terry told me to,
keeping it status quo.
Status quo is giving hand
jobs during the first act.
- You are overdoing it!
- I know!
I'm a terrible liar.
Male egos are fragile
and dangerous enough
with normal dudes.
This guy knows our secrets,
and is a murderer.
- I know!
- And Terry was no help.
I can't believe the cops
can't protect me.
Well, what were you
expecting? A new identity?
Relocation services?
Foxton PD barely has a coffee
machine that works.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Maybe I-I have to go the opposite way.
- To the dark side.
- Okay.
Someone who knows how to beat
Gale at his own game.
(SLY INHALE)
Jill LeBlanc. Is that crazy?
The Jill who you stabbed in the back
and put behind bars? Yes!
(SCOFFS) Is this light beer?
I need to drink away
this terrible performance,
and I mean you and Gale.
Play's pretty good. I guess.
(THUNDER CLAPS IN DISTANCE)
Ugh! Ew!
(OMINOUS MUSIC)
♪
(WATER RUSHES)
Oh, hey.
Didn't peg you for being
much of a theatre guy.
I played Mr. Mistoffelees
in grade school.
(LAUGHS) Yeah, right.
Are you joking?
Because I can't tell.
Anyway, I'm uh,
I'm surprised to see you.
It's uh
it was very big of you to come.
I guess Lidia took my advice
and was more gentle
breaking up with you
than she was with me
because the ice cream scoop
that she used to dig out my heart
was pretty dull, my friend.
(SIGHS) Gettin' dumped,
it's never easy.
(WATER RUSHES)
But you'll get over her.
Eventually. Time heals all wounds.
- Depends on the wound.
- Yeah.
Well, enjoy the rest of the show.
My son tells me that my
soon-to-be ex-mother-in-law
will be fighting a calamari.
(FOOTSTEPS RECEDE)
♪
♪
- (FOOTSTEPS THUD)
- Boss, we gotta talk.
♪
(HEAVY RAIN PATTERS, THUNDER CLAPS)
RYAN: Wah! Wah! Sammy!
♪
Sammy!!
Sammy!!
(OARS CREAKING)
DAVIDE: This final blow
be for McCuddy.
And Bill. And Little Reggie.
And Hamish.
And all the rest of my men
who are on the bottom,
you vile (GRUNTS)
(AUDIENCE CHUCKLES)
Quick, my love, take up my harpoon,
and complete our adventure.
(GROANING AND GRUNTING)
Over the years,
I have envied my husband's adventures.
I have despaired his obsessions.
I
find myself
asking
DAVIDE: Asking was it worth it?
Was it worth it?
♪
(WAVES FLUTTERING)
(BOAT RASPS ON BOARDS)
DAVIDE: What's happening? (BEA GASPS)
- (LIGHT THUDS ON)
- DAVID: What's happening?
- (GASPS) A spotlight?
- DAVIDE: That's not the cue.
For me?
(AUDIENCE CHUCKLING)
Doris, my love, come kiss me
and let us stab the Kraken's eyeball,
as one!
No.
No, I've changed my mind.
Doris, I think you mean to say,
"Yes, and we'll keep searchin'!"
No, I don't need to keep searching.
And I certainly don't need
to harpoon the Kraken.
(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
Because I am in love
with one of its tentacles, damn it!
(AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND OOHS)
(OOHING AND AHHING)
(BOISTEROUS CHEERING)
(CLAPPING)
- (CAT CALLS)
- Woooo!
- FINN: Way to go, Grandma!
- You kiss that tentacle!
(BOISTEROUS CHEERING)
DAVIDE: This is not in my script!
(CHEERING CONTINUES)
DAVIDE: Cut the lights.
Cut the lights!
Best play ever.
Oh, we should've done
community theatre years ago.
Stay in character.
My harpoon is locked and loaded.
(BEA CHUCKLES)
- (THUNDER CLAPS, RAIN PATTERS)
- Sammy!
SAMMY: (FAINTLY) Ryan.
- Hello? Hello? I need help.
- SAMMY: Ryan!
Sammy!
Sammy! Ah!
- Ryan, hey. It's okay.
- Oh!
- It's okay.
- Oh, I thought I lost you.
It's okay. We're fine.
I thought I lost you.
We're wet and cold but we're fine!
I suck at fixing paddle boats.
Ha, yeah!
♪
(RAIN PATTER HEAVILY)
Come on, Sammy.
Come on.
♪
(FLAMES CRACKLE)
♪
- Marshmallow, Bro?
- Hmm.
Thanks.
Can I still call you "Bro"?
"Son" seems weird.
It's weird. (CHUCKLES)
Stick with Bro?
I'm gonna see if I can
track down some chocolate.
(FOOTSTEPS RECEDE)
(ANI SIGHS)
You still sure there's
nothing you wanna ask me?
Actually, uh, yeah.
There is, and
it's a hard question.
But
I have to know.
When you left me here,
(EMOTIONAL SIGH)
Sammy, uh,
my father was a pastor
and my mom was a Jesus freak.
If they would've found out
that I was pregnant,
they would've either put you
in the system,
or worse.
Done the classic passing
you off as their own trick.
I didn't grow up in a happy home.
It was cold and
strict.
No one said, "I love you."
I was scared.
And alone.
(TEARY INHALE)
I couldn't do that to another child.
I couldn't do that to my child.
The greatest gift
I could give you was
letting you grow up at The Moonshine.
With this family.
Your family.
Doesn't mean I don't regret it
because if I could change it now
(CATCHES BREATH)
(CLICKS TONGUE)
Anyway, um,
does that answer your question?
You know,
I was actually gonna ask,
(CHUCKLES)
Where the Hell did you think
I was gonna get my hair done?
- (LAUGHS)
- Oh wait, you mean to tell me
they don't have Black
hairdressers in Foxton?
- (LAUGHS)
- Right. (LAUGHS)
♪
♪
♪
(NORA'S PHONE BUZZES THEN RINGS)
Oh no.
TERRY: How was the play?
Uh, it was spectacular.
(DEEP INHALE)
I have something that might top it.
Come on.
(CAR RUMBLES)
(BRAKES SQUEAK)
(WINDOW WHIRS OPEN)
What're we doing here?
Is this where the Marauders
bury the bodies?
- Oh, I hope not.
- Heh.
Because that would really
kill the property value,
and I
just forked out a down payment.
On what?
The house.
You're moving?
(CHUCKLES) No.
We're moving!
(CHUCKLES) I mean, I hope we are.
Okay, look, it-it's a 3-bedroom,
I'm not gonna be in your hair and uh,
there's a, there's
a garage around back
that I was thinking we could
convert into a studio,
if you wanted to work remotely.
We can finally have our own place.
A home.
Terry.
I
I am actually gonna be
working remotely.
- Great.
- Good, good, good.
I'll get going on
that garage right away.
I'll put up some soundproofing. Uh
No, Terry.
Um
I am leaving Foxton.
I got a gig
in LA.
♪
♪
(RAIN PATTERS)
(ROCK MUSIC)
♪
Did you know that baby corn
is legit a baby corn, but baby
carrots are just adult carrots
- cut into baby shape.
- Have you seen Gale?
Yeah, yeah, I saw him in
the men's room in intermission.
Looked like he was
taking it pretty well.
Taking what pretty well?
The break-up.
I asked him how he's doin'
and seemed okay.
They don't even try baby cauliflower,
which seems like a perfectly
wasted opportunity.
(MOTORCYCLES RUMBLE LOUDLY)
(RUMBLING INTENSIFIES)
(ENGINES REV)
WOMAN: What's happening?!
(ENGINES REV)
Hey, Hun.
I was worried.
Yeah, you should be.
'Cause there's not enough
drink tickets for your pals?
I was just showing the boys
here their new home.
MAN: Yeah!
♪
WOMAN: Yeah!
(ENGINES ROAR AND REV)