Mr Inbetween (2018) s02e02 Episode Script

Don't Be a Dickhead

1 [BIRDS CHIRPING.]
[DOG BARKS IN DISTANCE.]
How you going? Hello.
Uh, my daughter Brittany goes to school with your daughter Taylor.
[STAMMERS.]
Yeah.
Yeah.
And, um, apparently, uh, Taylor's been bullying my daughter, saying stuff to her, putting stuff up on the Internet - and That kind of stuff.
- My daughter wouldn't do that, so Okay.
Well, can you talk to her and find out? 'Cause I don't think my daughter's gonna lie about it.
How did you get my address? Look, love, I'm not here to cause problems.
- I'm just here - Don't call me "love," mate.
Okay.
All right.
What? Do you think you scare me or something, coming around here? I'm not trying to scare you.
I'm gonna go inside now.
And I'm gonna call my brother.
Oh? He's a cop.
Mm.
Scary.
You gonna go now, or Don't be a dickhead.
[CHUCKLES.]
MAN: There's not much I can do for me.
[MUSICAL SCORE PLAYS ON LAPTOP.]
You lose independence.
Nancy loses hers.
I think she's hanging it tough.
[BIRDS CHIRPING OUTSIDE.]
[LID CLACKS.]
[GRUNTING SOFTLY.]
[EXHALES.]
[URINATING.]
[URINATING STOPS.]
[GRUNTS.]
[PANTING.]
[GRUNTING.]
Fuck! [GRUNTING.]
[STRAINS.]
Maria Gratia plena Maria Gratia Plena.
Give me five minutes.
[MUTTERING.]
You want coffee? You got any decaf? Decaf? Serious? I can't drink caffeine anymore.
Why not? Makes me sweat too much.
So, you got any? No, we only got real coffee, mate.
You counting it? - [SCOFFS.]
- [CHUCKLES.]
Could've miscounted.
Yeah.
Yeah, I could've.
So, what's with the no socks? It's called fashion, mate.
- Is it? - Yeah.
Yeah, it's not something you'd know too much about.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY.]
Right.
So, this guy wants to talk to you about a piece of work.
- Mm.
- It's all very hush-hush.
- Eh.
- Do you want to meet with him? - Who is he? - I don't know.
One of his guys came in last night and spoke to me about it.
Says it's a big job.
Lot of money.
And he just wants to meet with me? Yeah.
Set it up.
All right.
[ENGINE STOPS.]
- How you going? - Alex.
Ray.
Good to meet you.
Nice to meet you, Ray.
This is Kev.
- Kev, how are you, mate? - How are you? You come well-recommended.
What can I do for you? Heard of a guy called Vinny Williams? Yeah.
Prez of the, uh, Dead Birds.
Yeah.
You know him? Yeah, I met him once or twice.
Through a mate of mine.
Huh.
Still interested? It's gonna cost you.
Name your price.
Why do you want him whacked? Does it matter? Yeah.
I'm his VP.
Personality clash, huh? Yeah, yeah.
Something like that.
How much? Done.
- 100 up front.
- Sure.
[ZIPS.]
You cancel the job, I keep the cash, okay? 'Course.
Thank you.
See you when the job's done.
- Catch you later.
- Yeah.
Good to meet you, man.
- Cheers.
- ALEX: Let's go.
[KNOCKING.]
[KEY RATTLING IN LOCK.]
Brucey? Bruce! BRUCE: In the dunny.
RAY: Shit, mate.
What happened? I just thought I'd have a lie-down.
How long you been in here for? Not long.
RAY: All right.
Now give me your hand.
Ah, fuck.
Can you get that hand out of there? - Can you get that hand out? - [GRUNTS.]
- Right.
- Okay.
Chuck that up there, mate.
Can you get a hand on that? - [GRUNTS.]
- Huh? Okay, so what I'm gonna do, I'm just gonna pull you up.
- [GRUNTS.]
- Watch your head.
[STRAINS.]
Aw, shit.
[GROANS.]
All right.
All right, let me get under your arms.
All right.
- All right, count of three.
- [GRUNTS.]
All right.
One two - three! - [GROANS.]
- You all right? - I'm all right.
- All right.
- I'm all right.
[RAY EXHALES.]
[MUTTERS.]
We'll have to get you a carer.
I'm not having a fucking carer.
Fair enough.
Well, you can't live here, mate.
You could have died.
So? What, you given up, have you? I've had enough.
[EXHALES.]
Why don't you come live with me? I want to live here.
I know you want to live here, mate, but you can't live here anymore.
I'll put you in the garage.
- [GROANS.]
- I'll put a bed in there, bloody TV, whatever you need, mate.
Britt'll be there.
All right, she'd love it if you're there all the time.
[GRUNTS.]
What do you reckon? I'll think about it.
Okay, that's good, that's good enough.
All right.
- You want a cuppa? - Meh.
Yeah.
- There's no milk.
- [REFRIGERATOR DOOR OPENS.]
Oh, for fuck's sake.
GARY: Th-That's the official story, but, you know RAY: Yeah, but I think I think there was a guy behind - the fence on the knoll.
- No, but that doesn't make any sense.
See, I don't think there was anyone on the grassy knoll behind the fence.
I think the shooter was in the pergola.
RAY: Where's the pergola? Well, the pergola's on the grassy knoll, but it's-it's up near more up north towards the depository it's the big white building, - the-the concrete one.
- Mm.
Yeah.
And, uh And this ch and there's a photo there's two blokes, that are hiding in the pergola, and I reckon that's where the head shots come from.
And when the limo comes around the corner, - where does it stop? - Mm? Where does it stop, eh? In front of the pergola.
Well, the limo didn't stop.
How do you know it doesn't stop? Well, you look at the film, it doesn't.
It slows down but it doesn't stop.
- On the Zapruder film? - Yeah.
Oh.
[STAMMERS.]
Well, that's bullshit because the film's doctored, so - The Zapruder film is doctored? - Yeah, of course.
Yeah.
- Who doctored the Zapruder film? - Everyone knows the Zapruder film's doctored - it went missing for years.
- I didn't And-And then it came back.
It resurfaced, like, eight to 12 years later.
- Now we're telling more fantasies.
- The frames are missing.
Yeah.
That's right.
Well, frames are missing, and Yeah.
It just-it just doesn't make any sense.
- It's fucking bullshit.
- Mm.
So, yeah.
You okay, babe? [WHISPERS.]
: I want to go home.
- Huh? - Hey, what made you why did you shave it off? Your beard.
Why'd you shave it off? Well, because, uh, Tat gets pash rash, so - got to keep her happy.
- Oh.
- Very nice of you.
- GARY: Yeah.
You like it? - Yeah.
Yeah.
- You like it? I do.
Uh, it's Yeah, no, I do.
- Actually, I do.
- Yeah? - It's good.
- Yeah, all right.
Okay.
There you go.
Yeah, you look like an '80s porn star.
- Really? - [SPEAKS RUSSIAN.]
What? Babe? You all right? Have you told Ally about you-know-what? What? Your pee-pee movies.
Okay.
- Pee-pee movies? - [SHORT CHUCKLE.]
- Oh yeah.
- [LAUGHING.]
: What the fuck's going on? - RAY: Nothing.
- Babe, time and a place.
- Nothing? Bullshit.
Nothing.
- Nothing's going on.
- Come on, what? Spill.
- Nothing's going on.
Come on, Ray.
Well, you tell her.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- TATIANA: Last year, Ray left a DVD at our house.
[CHUCKLES.]
Yeah.
TATIANA: Yes.
And I found it.
- Oh Okay, what was the DVD? - [THUMP.]
- Ow! Gary.
- What? Golden Shower Power.
Oh, right, okay.
So we are we're talking pornos? - Yes.
- Yeah, okay.
Golden showers? - Mm.
- It's when people - piss on each other? - Yes.
- Apparently.
Yeah.
- Okay.
ALLY: [CHUCKLES.]
Wow.
Wow, okay.
This is like a whole side of you that I have never seen before.
[CHUCKLES.]
- There's a lot you don't know.
- I know, clearly.
Um so are you-are you the-the pisser or the pissee? Oh, either's fine.
ALLY: So you like the taste of piss, or RAY: Oh, I don't mind it.
- Mm.
Okay.
- Mm.
I need to go to toilet now, so do you want me to wait? I was gonna go, but do you want me to wait 'til we get home, or Yeah.
Yeah, it'd be good if you wait.
- All right.
- Yeah.
- You guys have got it sorted out.
- RAY: Mm.
- ALLY: [LAUGHING.]
: Mm.
- Right.
Right, you want another drink? I want to go home.
- You want another drink? - Yes, please.
You want another drink? Yeah? Get another one.
Where's the, uh It was his DVD, all right? She found it, and he tells her 'cause he's, you know, I don't know, he panicked or whatever he tells her, "It's Ray's.
" And then he comes to me and says, "Man, I need you to come 'round to my house and apologize.
" Right? Which I did.
And say you know, it's my DVD.
[CHUCKLES.]
Why would you leave a porno - at somebody else's house? - That's what I said to him.
Why the fuck would I Like, not only why would I leave it at your house, but why the fuck would I bring a porno into your Like, who comes into somebody's house - and you bring a porno with you? - [LAUGHING.]
You know that I mean? And then you leave it, and, y-you know what I mean? - And you go.
- I know.
I don't - It doesn't make any fucking sense.
- No.
BRITTANY: Dad, why don't you like sandwiches? Uh I like toasted sandwiches.
Just don't like the raw ones, that's all.
Why? Uh I don't know.
[MUTTERS.]
Why do you like them? - Because they're yummy.
- Mm.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
Who's that? Don't know.
- Who is it? - Go to your room.
- Why? - Go to your room, please.
MALE OFFICER: Afternoon, sir.
Are you Ray Shoesmith? I don't answer questions.
Can I help you? We're looking for a Ray Shoesmith.
Does he live here? I don't answer questions.
Okay.
Is there somebody here who can answer questions? I don't answer questions.
Okay.
I don't really know how to respond to that, sir.
We just spoke to a woman by the name of Petra Jenkins.
She says you threatened her and tried to menace her.
- Did she? - Yeah.
You got anything you want to say about that? I don't answer questions.
Would you mind telling us why? I don't answer questions.
Okay.
See ya.
We'll come back later.
Okay.
FEMALE OFFICER: Friendly chap.
MALE OFFICER: That's just weird.
[ENGINE STARTS.]
- What? - Nothing.
ALLY: If something happened to me like, if I was in I don't know like an accident or something, and I was in a wheelchair would you look after me? Yeah.
What if I was, like, a quadriplegic? Is that the ones that can use their arms, but they can't use their legs? No, that's a paraplegic.
Quadriplegics can't use their arms or their legs.
So, what, you'd just be lying in bed all day? Pretty much.
I'd probably put a pillow over your head and put you out of your misery.
Serious? Well, why would you want to live like that? What if I wanted to live? Hmm.
So how would we have sex? Well, quadriplegics can't feel anything down there.
Yeah, but we could still have sex, though, right? So you'd still want to have sex with me even if I couldn't feel anything? Why wouldn't I want to have sex with you? Sure.
- Knock yourself out.
- [CHUCKLES.]
Just don't complain I'm a dead root.
But you're a dead root anyway and I don't complain.
- Thanks very much.
- [CHUCKLES.]
What are you doing? You'll see.
[RAY SIGHS.]
Aw, is that for me? No, it's for the dude on the park bench over there.
There is no dude over there on the park bench.
Yes, there is.
It's my imaginary boyfriend.
He said he'd look after me if I was a quadriplegic.
Yeah, well, I said I'd look after you.
Oh, good.
Just wanted to make sure we were gonna have sex, that's all.
[LAUGHS.]
- [GLOVES THUMPING.]
- ["YOUNGBLOODS" BY ILLY PLAYS.]
We doin' it big while we here for the ones that aren't A lot of people tell you what you're meant to do But only one can decide what's best for you: you Me? I'm just trying to get the message through It goes like, save the drama, spend your youth.
- [SCHOOL BELL RINGS.]
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[TOILET FLUSHES.]
Hey.
You Taylor? Yeah.
I've heard that you've been bullying my friend Brittany.
What? You bother Brittany again, and I'm gonna rip your head off.
Got it? - Yes.
- It's all right? All right.
Do you need me to stretch my lips or ? [MUMBLES.]
- No, it's okay.
- Okay? [MUMBLES.]
Do you need me to stop talking? - Yes.
- Yeah, okay.
Okay.
They're very glittery.
Am I holding still enough for you? - Yes.
- Yeah? All right.
- Okay.
You want to see? - Yes.
Okay.
[GASPS.]
Oh.
[LAUGHING.]
: Oh, that's beautiful.
Wow, I really like what you've done here.
This is good.
- Thanks.
- This is good, yeah.
Wow.
Thank you.
They'll love this at work.
Yeah, she's all right now.
She was pretty upset, but I don't think she's gonna have any more problems.
Were you bullied at school? Mm-hmm.
Bad? Pretty bad.
Were you beaten up? Mm-hmm.
Well, what was this all through school? Um probably up until about halfway through grade six.
- Well, it stopped? - Mm-hmm.
Why did it stop? Fought back.
What happened? Oh, there was this little prick, and he'd been bullying me for about two years.
And, um this one day, you know, we were playing downball, and he just started getting stuck into me, and, you know, and I started crying, and and he just kept following me, just kept saying shit to me, - just wouldn't leave it alone, you know? - Mm.
And I just grabbed him and threw him up against a wall, and just beat the absolute fuck out of him.
And he stopped? He sure did.
It's always better to give than receive.
Is it? Fuck yeah.
Why do you say that? Well, you got to fight back, you know? Otherwise Otherwise what? Otherwise, people will walk all over you.
You know? I mean, that's the thing.
Look, I wasn't looking for trouble as a kid.
You know? But I learned there's people in this world who will take and take till there's nothing left of you.
I used to get angry about it.
Well, I I used to get angry at myself, 'cause I couldn't do nothing about it.
- You know what I mean? - Mm.
Like, I felt I felt like I was weak.
You know what I mean? Um I can remember I took a razor blade out of the, um, the bathroom cupboard.
I went down to the swings at the end of the street.
And I'm sitting there and I'm thinking, you know, "I'm gonna top meself.
" You know? "I've had enough.
" 'Cause I was getting hit at home, I was getting hit at school, you know? And, um But I couldn't do it, you know? And then, I felt like, "Geez, you weak bastard, you can't, you know, you can't even kill yourself.
" You know what I mean? And I thought, "Is it 'cause I don't want to die or is it 'cause I'm just afraid to cut myself?" So I took the razor blade and I cut me hand up.
Anyway.
I was sitting In my Corolla Talking to you While my friends Drank inside There was a silence Weak telephone reception Doesn't compliment A dark State of mind You know it's bad.