Mr Inbetween (2018) s02e07 Episode Script

Watch Out for Snakes

1 [GRUNTS.]
Don't be mad.
I got to.
Here you are, son.
Ah.
So, how long have you been here, then? Shit 16 years.
Yeah? That long? It's been a while.
Wh-Where are you living? I'm with Ray.
He's He fixed up his garage, so I'm in there.
- Is it comfy? - Yeah.
Get a bit hot and then cold sometimes.
It's I don't think it's insulated, but, you know I've got my own space.
And I get to see a bit more of Ray-Ray's daughter.
- He's got a daughter? - Yeah.
Yeah.
Brit-Brittany.
How old is she? Nine.
How is Ray? Eh.
He's-he's good.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Brucey needs you.
What's going on? I'm stuck.
What do you mean? In the fucking chair.
I can't get out of it.
Don't shake your bloody head at me.
It's not my fault.
Oh, grab his arm, will you? Under the armpit.
On the count of three.
One, two, three.
[ALL GRUNTING.]
Thank fuck for that.
Thought I was gonna die in the fucking thing.
Eh.
If only.
Hey, get stuffed.
You all right? - I'm all right, Dad.
- Steady? Yeah.
- Okay.
Thanks for coming.
- Yeah.
I'll see you again soon, eh? - Hopefully.
- Good to good to see you.
Love you.
Yeah.
Love you.
Come on.
BILL: See you soon.
Keep spinning, now I just sit back and have a few women Get your ass over here and back up the kitty I'll make it rain, make it rain Need a favor, big fella.
A mate of mine You heard of Kate Hall? Kate Hall.
She's a a journo at the Herald.
She covers their crime stuff.
She's writing a book.
Like, a-a true-crime book.
And she's looking for stories.
Wondering if you might want to have a chat with her.
What's in it for me? You'd be doing me a favor.
Come on, mate, it's an old mate's daughter.
He's done a couple of favors for me over the years, and it'd be good to return the favor.
Nah.
Mate, come on.
I'm asking a favor as a friend, here.
No.
Thanks.
You know what, I wasn't gonna mention this, but, um do you have any idea what you put me through with that Davros shit? - What? - The Davros bullshit.
You know that was my son-in-law's brother, right? Do you know the trouble that shit caused me? He tried to fucking kill me.
I know that, but I had My son-in-law he didn't speak to me for six months.
Caused heaps of friction.
All right? Well, it's not my fucking fault.
You asked me to sit down with the guy, - and I did.
- I know you did, mate, and I appreciate that, but, shit it's not like I ask you for heaps of favors, you know? - Hi.
- RAY: How you going? - I'm Kate.
- Nice to meet you.
In case you were wondering.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
Uh, come through.
- Nice house.
- Thanks.
Yeah.
- I like the old joints.
- Yeah, me too.
They've got more character than new houses.
Yeah.
Uh, hey, do you want a drink? Do you want a beer or a glass of water or something? I wouldn't mind a cup of tea.
Okay, sure.
What kind? Have you got any Earl Grey? Yeah, yeah.
So where'd you grow up? About four hours out of Sydney.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah, on a farm.
Mm.
Do you mind my asking where? No, I don't mind you asking.
Right.
Um, what kind of farm was it? It was a dairy farm.
Well, did you have a happy childhood? It was all right.
Do you want to elaborate, maybe, a bit on that? So what's your book about? Criminals, pretty much.
Yeah, I mean, I've, um, interviewed a few people so far, and it's just people telling their stories.
Mm.
Look, I-I understand if you're a little bit cagey about this, and I-I totally get it.
But, um I just want you to know that nothing's gonna go in the book unless you're happy with it.
So I just want you, you know, just to feel comfortable to talk to me.
All right.
Cool.
Uh, do you mind if I, um, record? - That's all right.
- Sure? - Mm.
- Okay.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Let's put that there.
So maybe, I don't know do you want to start with about how you got into it and your first job, maybe? I mean, it's a job, what do you mean? What do you mean, job? Well, your first, uh, I don't know, hit, I mean Who told you I do hits? Well, that's what Freddy told me that you talked about, that, a little bit.
I mean, sorry, I might've misunderstood that.
I didn't realize that That's just what Freddy said.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
I mean, that's kind of why I got you to 'Cause I That's the sort of stuff I want to talk about in the book.
[INDISTINCT ANNOUNCEMENT OVER PA.]
Moist.
- Yeah, that's a good one.
- Moist.
- Mm, mm.
- That's a good one.
Yeah.
My grandmother - when I was a kid - Mm.
she used to make this tea cake - Mm.
- and that was really moist.
[LAUGHS.]
She used to put cinnamon on the top of it.
- Mm.
Okay.
- Yeah.
Lovely, lovely.
Mm.
- Tea cake.
Mm.
- Tea cake.
- Appendectomy.
- Appendectomy? Yeah.
Appendectomy.
Appendectomy.
What's that? - You don't know what appendectomy is? - No.
- It's where they take your bloody appendix out.
- They - take your appendix out, yeah.
- Yeah.
No, I knew that.
- Yeah, sure you did.
Yeah.
- I knew that.
And panties.
- Panties? - Pant Not when you say it, like, when a chick says it.
- Mm.
- Like, when she says like, "Oh, take off my panties.
" [PANTING.]
Mm? That's a good word.
Moist panties.
- Moist panties? - Yeah.
Well, you've outdone yourself, haven't you? - Well, thank you very much.
- Yeah.
Put two of your favorite words together in a sentence, yeah.
- Well, you know - That's pretty good.
- quite the wordsmith.
- Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, you are.
- What do you reckon? - Yeah, no, I like it.
- [MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS.]
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER IN DISTANCE.]
Feel that.
Shit.
Sharp.
Mm.
GARY: And it was good calamari, mate.
- RAY: Mm.
- Like, fresh.
Fresh as.
- Not the frozen shit, you know? - Mm.
The shit you get from the fishmongers.
- Mm.
- But what happened was is that when I put it in the fridge, I've left it in the bag that I bought it in.
Yeah.
So when I've gone to cook it, it's been in there for a couple of days - and I've taken it out - Mm.
Mm.
- Fucking stunk.
- Yeah.
Just rank.
It's just gone all through the house.
What I should've done when I bought it if I was gonna leave it in there for a couple days I should've tipped it out, - washed it - Yeah.
- Mm.
- thoroughly, put it in a fresh plastic bag - Yeah.
- a new plastic bag, then whacked it in the fridge.
- Mm.
- And then, you know, probably would've had a chance of lasting a couple more days, you know? But it stewed in its own juices, in its own filth, - you know? So - [CHUCKLES.]
Mm.
So it went off, and I had to chuck it out, and it was, like, a kilo of the shit, - which, you know, bummed me.
- Mm.
Mm.
But what really bummed me - is I was watching one of those nature docos - Mm.
and they had, uh, they had a bit on octopuses and and, like, their life cycle and shit.
- Mm.
- And I didn't know this, but do you know how octopuses have babies? - Mm-mmm.
- [SHORT CHUCKLE.]
The female octopus gets pregnant, right? - Obviously.
- Mm.
And she lays eggs underneath a rock, right? And then she guards it.
Doesn't eat, doesn't sleep, and just moves her tentacles - over the eggs - Mm.
for months and months and months, right? And just as the eggs hatch, you know what happens? She dies? - She dies.
- Mm.
So I won't be eating calamari anymore.
Mm.
Calamari's squid, isn't it? What? No.
- Yeah.
- Hold on.
Yeah.
Calamari's squid, mate, not octopus.
So I can eat calamari? Go for it.
Huh.
All right, then.
How many steel-framed buildings in history have collapsed due to fire? I don't know.
Three.
All on 9/11.
- Two.
- No.
Three.
You got the Twin Towers and there was a third building.
Two were hit by a plane.
One wasn't hit by a plane.
That's Building 7 a couple hundred meters down the road, and that fell a few hours later in under five seconds.
And they say it collapsed because it got hit from debris from the Twin Towers, and then it started a fire, and that's what caused it to fall.
A controlled demolition expert said it was a controlled demolition.
- Got your radio on? - Yeah.
All right.
See you in a bit.
All right.
Watch out for snakes.
[BIRDS CHIRPING.]
[VEHICLE APPROACHING.]
[BIRDS CHIRPING.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[BIRDS CHIRPING.]
VINNIE: Come on, girl.
Come on, come on, now.
[CLICKING TONGUE.]
[WHISTLES.]
Come on, get up.
No, leave that.
Come on, let's go.
- Come on, girl.
- [DOG BARKS.]
[BARKS.]
Come on, girl.
[WHISTLES.]
- Round the back, round the back, come on.
- [DOG BARKS.]
Leave that.
[DOG BARKS.]
[BARKS.]
Vinnie! - Vinnie! - What? - DAVE: Run! - [DOG BARKING.]
[DOG BARKING.]
- [GUNFIRE IN DISTANCE.]
- Oh Oh, shit.
VINNIE: Get him! Fucking get him! [SNARLING.]
[WHIMPERS.]
[GRUNTS.]
Hey, I'm on my way.
Fuck.
[GUNFIRE.]
Go! Go.
Go, go, go.
Fuck! You hit? - No, I'm good.
- How'd you go? Eh, not too good.
Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.
[ENGINE STARTS.]
Go.
RAY: "And so Jack went outside and started to climb the beanstalk.
"He climbed up to the sky through the clouds and saw a beautiful castle.
" How could he climb to the clouds? Uh, he must've been really fit.
"So he saw the castle and went inside.
" Why did he go inside? Well, it was a nice-looking castle and - he just wanted to check it out.
- Yeah, but that's not right.
You can't just go inside other people's castles like that.
Yeah, look, I think you might be a bit old for this story.
- Do you want to read something else? - No.
Keep going, I like it.
[RAY CLEARS THROAT.]
Okay, so, "Jack heard a voice.
'Fee-fi-fo-fum.
' "Jack ran into a cupboard to hide just as an enormous giant "came into the room and sat down.
"On the table there was a hen and a golden harp.
"'Lay,' said the giant.
The hen laid an egg.
"It was made of gold.
"'Sing,' said the giant.
The harp began to sing.
"Soon, the giant fell asleep.
"So Jack jumped out of the cupboard.
He took the hen and the harp and he ran for the door.
" - Wait, he stole them? - What do you mean? Why'd he take the hen and the harp? - I don't know.
- But that's stealing.
Anyway, "Suddenly the harp sang, 'Help, master!' "The giant woke up and shouted, 'Fee-fi-fo-fum.
' "Jack ran and started climbing down the beanstalk "and the giant chased after him, hot on his tail.
"When Jack reached the ground, "he looked up and he saw the giant coming fast, "so he grabbed an axe from the woodpile "and started to chop at the beanstalk.
"After five chops, the beanstalk crashed to the ground and the giant was slayed.
" - Slayed? - Mm-hmm.
Yeah, he killed him.
- He killed him? - Mm-hmm.
He was chasing after him, so Yeah, but he stole from him.
The giant was just trying to get back the hen, and he murdered him.
[SIGHS.]
Ah, I missed a page.
So, the police visited Jack the next day and they arrested him for theft and murder and he went to jail for the rest of his life.
- The end.
- I don't like that story at all.
Yeah, well, I'm not a big fan of it, either.
It's terrible.
The poor giant.
Well, I guess the moral of the story is, you know, don't, uh, steal, don't murder, or you'll go to jail for the rest of your life, okay? So don't do it.
That story sucks.
Mm.
It does.
All right.
- Night.
- Good night.
Mwah.
[GRUNTS SOFTLY.]
Mm.
You ever read "Jack and the Beanstalk"? It was a long time ago.
Why? Jack was a piece of shit.
Why do you say that? Well, he climbs the beanstalk, right? - Yeah.
- He goes into the giant's castle - steals a bloody harp - [CHUCKLES SOFTLY.]
steals the goose that lays a golden egg.
- Yeah.
- Steals it.
Runs off.
So the giant goes after him, trying to get back all the shit that Jack stole.
Uh-huh.
And while he's climbing down the beanstalk - [LAUGHS.]
- [CHUCKLES.]
: Jack chops it down - and fucking murders him.
- [LAUGHS.]
- What a cunt.
- [LAUGHS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket Never let it fade away Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket Save it for a rainy day For love may come and tap you on the shoulder Some starless night Just in case You feel you want to hold her You'll have a pocketful of starlight Catch a falling star - And put it in your pocket - Catch a falling star - Never let it fade away - And put it in your pocket Never let it fade away Catch a falling star and - Put it in your pocket - Catch a falling star - Save it for a rainy day - And put it in your pocket Save it for a rainy.