Mr. & Mrs. Smith (2024) s01e04 Episode Script

Double Date

- Hi.
- Your driver's license,
banking card
and marriage registration.
Did you, um, apply
for high-risk?
- [Jane] Yeah.
- [John] Same.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You break the legs
and I'll break the arms.
Could we cover the head first?
- [bones crunching]
- Oh, my God.
[Jane] What if we come up
with a pact
that, once we make
a certain amount of money,
we can part ways?
- [John] Yeah, sure.
- [Jane] John!
You can't just go rogue
like that.
- You really care about me.
- [Jane] No. I, like,
really care about you.
[computer chimes]
[John] "Hihi."
"Enjoy your day off."
[Jane] Ah,
what a beautiful day.
[John] Yeah.
I like a stroll, you know?
- Like a walk.
- Yeah, not running.
Should we get some wine?
No, we have a whole room
full of wine.
You know, only canned wine.
I-I like getting things sometimes.
[man] That's my favorite.
You know,
the peppers from our garden
- are really good, actually
- Stop.
- What?
- I'm never gonna eat that produce, ever.
I've already been
sneaking it into your food.
- Disgusting.
- You've eaten a toe by now, for sure.
- [laughs] Stop.
- [Runi] Look at these beauties.
- You just got them in?
- [farmer] We did, yeah.
[Runi] They look delicious.
Are they organic?
[farmer] They are organic.
- [Runi] Yeah?
- [farmer] Yeah.
[Jane] Can you make gazpacho
with this?
- Stop it.
- [chuckles] What's up?
- Oh, my God.
- Yeah.
Oh, my God.
- What's going on?
- Oh, my God. I can't believe this moment.
- Hey.
- Hi. [laughs]
- How are you?
- Yeah. I'm good.
- What's going on?
- [Runi] Wow.
How long has it been?
- [John] Forever. I mean, forever.
- Forever. [laughs]
- [John] It's good to see you.
- [Runi] You look good.
- [John] Thank you. You look great.
- [Runi] Thank you.
[John] Hey,
this is, uh, my wife.
- Hi.
- [Runi] Hello.
- I'm Runi.
- Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you, too.
This is Benjamin.
- [John] Hey, how's it going, Benjamin?
- [Jane] Hi.
- Hi.
- [John] How old are you, man?
- Six.
- [John] Six?
Wow, really going ham
on those tomatoes.
- Good age.
- Yeah. - Good age.
- Yeah.
- [John] Yeah.
You guys live in the city now?
- Yeah.
- Yeah. Uh, she just, um,
she just got a promotion,
so we moved here.
Oh, wow. What do you do?
Um, I design software.
So just, like,
user, you know, interface.
- Stuff like that.
- That's amazing.
- Congratulations.
- [Jane] Thank you.
- You still food styling?
- Yes.
I'm art directing now.
- [John] Ah.
- [Jane] Cool.
Cool, yeah.
- That's cool.
- Cool. - Yeah.
Well, it was really, really
good running into you both.
- Yeah.
- It was so nice to meet you.
- It was really nice seeing you.
- We got to get going.
- Okay.
- Say bye. [laughs]
- Bye.
- Bye, Benjamin.
[laughs] Cute kid.
- Yeah.
- She's stunning.
You know, I'm actually
really impressed by you.
I mean, not that there's
anything wrong with that,
I just I don't know.
I thought you would be bothered
by something like that.
Just glad you're not.
What are you talking about?
Oh, that she has one hand.
[laughs] What?
What are you saying?
- Are you joking?
- No.
That she has one hand.
- She has two hands.
- She has one hand.
Oh, did she have two hands
when you guys dated?
Well, yeah.
Can I get three of these?
You don't remember if the girl
you dated had one hand or not?
She Hold on.
Wait. Did you guys have sex?
Yes, I mean, that was,
that's, like, all we did.
It was the basis
of our relationship.
Okay, but you didn't notice
while you were having sex,
like, one hand, two hands
on you, like, that's
- She has two hands.
- Oh, my God. You don't know.
That's, uh
- Can I get this sliced?
- [cashier] Sure thing.
[Jane] Thanks.
Can I get a Green Machine?
[blender whirring]
- [whirring stops]
- [indistinct conversation]
[both laugh]
John? John Smith?
- This isn't my order.
- What'd you say?
- This isn't my order.
- What's your name?
- John Smith.
- Well, that's the order for John Smith.
- Yeah, but this isn't what I ordered.
- What did you order?
I ordered a regular old
orange juice. OJ.
The old white Bronco.
I've been waiting,
like, 15 minutes.
Oh, well, this is for John.
John Smith.
- Yeah, I know what you said.
- Uh, I'm John.
That my drink?
Lean Green Machine,
almond butter?
[tongue clicks] That's the one.
- Thank you.
- No problem.
So Mmm.
- What was that?
- That guy sucks.
- [laughs softly]
- Yeah, that's what happened,
but I think we might have
the same name or s-something.
You order an OJ?
I saw some guy walk up
and claim it.
- Really?
- Yeah. He looked way too pleased with himself.
- Uh, sir?
- Yep.
- Oh, no, no, no, no, you don't have to
- No, no, no, what do you want?
I'll get yours and another
one of these. An OJ?

Yeah, that-that'd be great.
[John #2] All right, so an OJ
and another one of these.
[juice guy] Of course.
Wow. Six or seven years?
Is it, uh
Is it still fun?
Like, what [laughs]
- Is it like?
- What? Yeah. Dude.
Yeah, I still dig it.
John, look around.
Okay. Now
Now look at us.
- [laughs] Okay.
- Right?
- Yeah.
- Don't get me wrong, there are some
bumps in the road.
- Yeah.
- But just stay the course.
You keep through,
and at the end of the day,
yeah, you'll get some nicks
and bruises, but
John, it's a fantastic life.
I was just saying that.
I think
- Hey. Hi.
- Hey. What's up?
And this must be your Jane.
And she's a cutie.
You got lucky.
- [laughs]
- Uh
Thanks, yeah,
she's beautiful. Um
I'm John.
His last name's Smith.
- He's one of us.
- [laughs softly]
- What?
- [both laugh]
- [John] Yeah.
- [Jane] Wow.
- Another Smith?
- Yes.
Have you met
other Smiths before?
Yeah, I've met a few
in my day, out in the wild,
but this is the first time
it happened by accident.
- Wow. [laughs]
- Yeah. I know. We, uh
- we were getting juice.
- This is crazy. What?
- [laughs]
- [phone chimes]
Oh. Oh, duty calls.
- [John] Yeah
- [Jane] See, no, yeah.
[John] No, go ahead.
Take it, take it.
[phone clicking]
It's crazy.
He, like, he has so much intel.
He I think he thinks it's,
um, a 9/11 intelligence group.
'Cause they've been doing it
for, like, 15 years.
This is what we should do,
You can meet my Jane,
we'll talk shop,
we'll have a couple drinks
and kick back.
It'll be a good time.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah. Yeah, that sounds great.
- Whenever you want.
- How about tonight?
- [Jane] Tonight?
- Yeah. To What?
- You got other plans?
- No, I'm-I'm - Uh
- I think that's fine. Yeah.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah, that's cool.
- I'm good.
- Okay, uh
- Oh.
- Your phone.
- [laughs]
- Right. You don't know
- [laughs]
where we live.
So, you have my number.
Text me your address.
We'll be there at 7:00.
I'll bring a bottle
of something old and dangerous.
- Cool?
- Yeah, you're cool. - Great. Y-Yeah.
- Great.
- So nice to meet you.
- So nice meeting you.
- So nice meeting you, man.
[John #2] Hey, love.
Listen, you won't believe
- what just happened.
- Okay, so they're coming over to our place tonight.
- Yeah.
- I want to make another round
- and get other things.
- Okay.
Yeah, we should, uh,
get dessert.
Yeah, dessert.
I saw some, actually.
- There were apricots that I liked.
- Apricots?
[Thee Sacred Souls:
"Future Lover"]
Someone's at the door ♪
Ah, who is it? ♪
It's your future lover ♪
Come on in ♪
- Oh.
- Mmm.
Someone's at the door ♪
Ah, who is it
You, um
you nervous?
No, I mean
just a little.
The cool thing is that
they're both Smiths, you know.
- Yeah.
- So we can actually talk about a-anything.
- Yeah.
- Yeah. No, you're right.
Yeah. You look great,
by the way.
- Yeah?
- Really cute.
- It's not too much?
- No.
- This?
- Mm-hmm. No, I don't think so.
We're matching.
We're both wearing
turtlenecks. [laughs]
I should change.
- No.
- Yes.
Don't change. Never change.
- [laughs]
- [doorbell rings]
- [John #2] Hey.
- Hi.
- [Jane #2] Jane.
- Jane, yep.
Hey, how's it going, man?
- You look beautiful.
- Good to see you.
- [John #2] How are you?
- Hi. Good to see you.
- [laughs]
- Good to see you.
- Thank you.
- Oh, my God.
[music playing softly]
- What a dump.
- Yeah, this is great.
- Guys, this is
- The best location, too.
- [Jane] Yeah.
- Yeah.
- It's beautiful.
- Beautiful.
- Aw.
- Thanks. - [Jane #2] Smells incredible.
Oh, that's all,
that's all John.
[laughs] Yeah, um
You guys want a,
want a drink or anything?
Yeah, we brought this.
- [Jane] Aw.
- It's reminiscent of Hibiki.
- Oh. Thank you so much.
- Thank you.
[John #2] No, no, no,
don't thank us, no.
That one's from the boss.
It's rare and proper
and-and not
for the faint of heart.
So we thought it would,
you know, fit the occasion.
- "Enjoy."
- One word.
One word.
No cryptic message or
anything. Yeah.
- What, you guys get messages?
- [John] Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I mean, we-we had one fail,
- and now everything's a message.
- Well, it wasn't like a
[John] I mean, well,
it was a technicality.
There was something
we were supposed to do
- Yeah.
- that just ended up hap
It wasn't-wasn't our fault.
Yeah, that's never
happened to us.
- No.
- [Jane] Yeah, well,
it's, you know
- It just happened one time.
- Us either.
- It-it did happen, but one time.
- Us either. Yeah.
This thing,
that wasn't our thing.
Why don't you pour us Janes
a glass, love?
- Yeah, sure.
- [John] Yeah.
Am I getting a house tour
or what?
- [Jane] Yes, of course.
- All right, yeah.
[John] I'll get a glass.
This is great.
[Jane #2] I guess the guys
will go over there.
[John #2] Dude,
such a nice house.
[Jane #2 gasps]
I thought the yoga studio
was spectacular,
but this is
Look at the size of this room.
- [chuckles]
- [laughs]
Ours leads to a great little
garden on the bottom level,
- but it-it's much smaller.
- Oh. That's nice.
I will say, the company
has surprisingly good taste
with this sort of thing.
I actually, I bought that one.
- You did?
- Yeah.
Yeah. Art's what I wanted
to start buying
when I first started
making money.
You have a really great eye.
- Yeah?
- You can't buy or learn that.
- That's very nice. Thank you.
- I mean it.
[Jane #2 gasps]
Oh, hi there, little puss.
[Jane laughs softly]
That's Max.
- [chuckles]
- [sighs]
Hi, Max.
- Is this the-the
- Panic room.
This is a weird spot
for the room.
I know. I think it should be
in the basement.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
I wouldn't worry
too much about it.
This is the kind of thing
you can trust the company with.
Optimization of space,
efficiency and all that.
I don't know how they do it
I really don't but
it's the difference
between us and everybody else.
We never even use ours.
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
Oh, except to eavesdrop.
You've done that, right?
- [Jane] I haven't.
- Oh, my God, you should.
[Jane laughs]
[Jane #2] You didn't
choose that one?
[Jane] No. We did not get this.
- Classic.
- [both laugh]
- [tongue clicks] Aw.
- Oh.
Okay. That I know.
It's We like to do
our debriefs together,
'cause it's I get nervous
I'm gonna miss something.
I get it. I do all of ours.
- All of them, by yourself?
- Yeah.
Have you seen my John?
He's so amazing
at so many things,
but writing isn't one of them.
- [chuckles]
- He just misses a bunch of the details.
I wouldn't trade him, though.
I'm glad the company
matched me with him.
Do you ever think
about who they are?
The company?
I used to.
A lot.
Especially in the beginning.
But can I give you a little bit
of advice about that?
- Oh, yeah.
- Jane to Jane?
Don't get in the way
of your own happiness.
The company's here
to take care of you.
All you have to do is ask.
- [John #2] Jane, love! Time to eat!
- Oh.
I'm starving.
[John #2] So, I hook my foot
onto the top of the cage
- No underwear!
- [laughs]
No underwear!
- [laughter]
- So your stuff is
- a lot of movement.
- Lot of movement.
And just like, you're like,
"Get to the chopper," like
- "Get to the chopper!"
- But then, listen,
it's a, it's a,
it's a good lesson, right?
You always have to have on a
good, clean pair of underwear.
- [John] Yeah?
- 'Cause you, you never know
- That's what I say.
- She says that
- every-every meeting.
- All the time.
I'm so sorry.
That was my bad, baby.
- It wasn't your bad, no.
- It was.
- It was not. We were
- No, it was a big miscommunication.
No, but we were just,
you know
It was all my fault.
- [laughter]
- No. Listen.
things take a while to gel.
- [both] Yeah.
- But, like, especially in the beginning.
We got better since then.
- Oh, yeah.
- [John] How
How long h-have you guys
Like, five or six years ago.
Wait, so you guys didn't
you didn't start together?
I got rematched a few years in.
- Oh
- Oh, wow. - I had to find a new Jane.
- Wow.
- Lucky me.
Yeah, really. Lucky you.
- Lucky me. Yeah.
- Aw.
- She's more
- Lucky me.
[John #2] She's more mature, more
- Yeah.
- We're more, we're more compatible.
- Yeah.
- That's great.
- That's great.
- How are you guys
finding your directives
from Supe?
- Pretty good?
- [both] Supe?
- [Jane #2] Supervisor.
- Oh, we - Oh.
[John] We call him Hihi.
- Hihi?
- Hihi? That's cute.
- Where did
- 'Cause that was the first thing
- They said, the in the email.
- Oh.
- [laughter]
- Yeah, they were like, "Hihi."
Like, we were like, "Oh,
this is a-a cute cartoon cat."
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Like, that's yeah. - That's cute.
- Yeah. It was interesting.
- Hihi.
- But, yeah, Hihi stuck.
- Yeah, they're good.
- They're good.
- Yeah.
Um, just tough.
[John] I think it took a while
for us to, like, understand
- the parameters of what
- Wait, wait, wait.
- [Jane] Yeah.
- What-what level are you two?
- [Jane] We're high-risk.
- [John] Yeah, high risk.
[Jane] How about you?
- Super high-risk?
- Super high-risk?
- [John #2] Yeah.
- Wow.
We like it. It fits
both our personalities.
But who knows? Maybe one day,
I'll trade it all in
and, and go low-risk.
- [scoffs]
- You know? Yeah.
You know,
put on a uniform and
[laughs]and deliver
some packages.
- [laughs]
- There will be a blizzard in July
The delivery guys, they're
- You don't know that these guys, they make good money.
- they're Smiths.
Because the-the low-risk.
- Oh, my God.
- They're the-the guys who were
- giving us the
- The g
- Oh, yeah.
- That makes so much sense.
For the benefits, do you think
you could go low-risk?
- No. I don't think I'd do it.
- Maybe.
- I'd get bored. You would do it?
- Yeah. There's something nice.
It's like a gardener.
It's like you
You know when it's done.
And you have your repetition,
but I-I think
there's something
probably sad about
James Bond delivering
Edible Arrangements.
- That's-that's probably not great.
- [John #2] That's right.
So, would you ever want
to up your level?
I've thought about it.
[both] Yeah.
And we've t-tried both.
- Yeah.
- I mean, super high-risk is hardly any different.
- Really?
- Except the money and the perks are way better.
Yeah. O-Obviously, yeah.
I mean, I think we could
I think we could do it.
I would try it.
- Yeah. I'd-I'd
- I'd be
interested in that.
It'd be fun, to try.
- Yeah.
- One day.
[both laugh softly]
- [clears throat]
- Yeah.
So, um
how's the intimacy
between the two of you?
[laughs softly]
- Mm.
- How's that working?
Romantically. What's
Yeah. It's great.
- It's great.
- It's really great.
- [Jane] What? It is.
- [laughter]
I know, I'm meddling,
I know, I'm sorry.
- [John] It's mind-blowing, guys.
- But I'm just, like,
uh, it's fascinating to me.
Yeah. We, um, we had, we
we had rules at first. Uh
- Yeah.
- To not sleep with each other.
[both] What?
- [John] Yeah.
- [Jane] Initially, yeah.
- Wow.
- [John] But then we
- I mean, how
- We
- Yes.
- we ripped each other's clothes off
- the first night we met.
- How did you do that?
- I couldn't resist.
- [laughter]
- It wasn't that long. We-we
- We had to kill somebody
- to get in the mood, so, like
- [laughs]
- That's pretty much yeah.
- [Jane #2] I just don't understand because
we're living in the same house,
you're doing all this
insane shit together, and then,
I mean, naturally, right?
- I mean, it's so charged.
- [Jane] Yeah.
- [John] Of course. Yeah, yeah, no.
- [Jane] Yeah. No.
- I mean
- I just didn't want it to be messy.
You know?
'Cause we're business partners
and really, it you know?
[John] Yeah, we just didn't
want it to get confusing,
I guess.
And you don't get jealous?
- No, I don't get jealous.
- She's like a robot.
- [laughter]
- I'm not a robot, I just don't get jealous.
Sorry you get jealous.
- I want to know
- I go crazy
when he's flirting
just on missions.
- [Jane] Really?
- Oh, yeah.
Now I sound like
such a rule maker, but, like,
- we made this pact at first
- It's a lot of pacts.
that we would
this is when we first started
that we would make
a certain amount of money,
and then once we made that,
we'd part ways.
- Yeah.
- [John #2 laughs]
[Jane #2 clears throat]
- Oh, no. Uh, what?
- [laughter]
[coughing] Excuse
[laughing] Stop.
[both laughing]
Yeah, like you two can just,
you know, break up and quit,
like [laughing]
Yeah. [sniffles]
Can you imagine if the company
was that open-minded?
Oh, my God.
- [exhales] I need a drink.
- [Jane] Here, the water.
[John] Yeah, like,
the water's right there.
Uh, no.
Something stronger, like
- There's, um
- [Jane] There's a bar behind you. [chuckles]
[John #2] Uh, okay, okay.
Guys, sorry.
- [Jane] No, no, no, no.
- No, that's fine.
I'm glad that it
made you laugh.
[John #2] [sighs] Oh, man.
So, do you think if the company
hadn't matched you,
that you'd be compatible?
[John] Oh.
I think, um
I don't know,
I feel like Jane is, like
so smart, and I
I just never have met
anyone like her.
Yeah, I really,
I really respect him.
I think he has
he has a good heart.
- [John] Yeah.
- [sneezes]
- Oh.
- Whoa. - One.
- He sneezes in threes.
- Bless you.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
- He sneezes in threes?
- Yes.
- [John] Oh.
- [Jane] Uh-oh.
- [sneezes]
- Two.
- Oh, my God. [laughs]
- Oh, wow.
Well, now
now is the big finale.
[John] Nah, we're fair.
[Jane] I don't know
who I'm rooting for.
- [laughter]
- [John] No.
[Jane #2 groans]
- [Jane] Go! Come on!
- [laughter]
- She's tiny but she's crazy strong, dude.
- Okay, I've got an itch.
That is, that's not helping.
It's your nails.
They're going into my back
They're going in
the back of my hand.
[Jane #2] Don't blame it
on that.
- [Jane] Go.
- [yells]
- [Jane] Wow. John.
- [clapping]
- I got a cramp.
- [John #2] She's tiny but she's crazy strong.
I got a cramp.
That was a long time.
[Jane #2] Thank you, thank you.
She's crazy.
She's-she's like an ant.
I am. It's my core.
It's my
That wasn't an easy defeat.
- [John] Uh-huh.
- It wasn't.
I've had an easier time
with men twice your size.
Sounds like you're giving me
a read, but that's fine.
- No, that was a compliment.
- That's fine.
- [Jane #2] I'm strong.
- [laughter]
"Ride Around Shining"]
- [glass chimes]
- Oh.
[all sighing]
- Oh, man.
- [yawns]
Is this Eminem?
- This?
- Yeah.
This is, uh, the Clipse.
Oh. I like Eminem.
- Is he still performing?
- [Jane #2] Mm-hmm.
[John] I think he is.
A couple years ago,
I saw him at, like, a festival.
- Mm-hmm.
- Um, and he was headlining.
And I remember,
in between one of the songs,
he-he tells everybody,
he's like, "Everybody, like,
put your middle fingers up
and say 'Fuck you, Mom.'"
- And there was, like, a weird silence
- No.
and we all are just like,
"Nah, bro, like,
we love our moms."
Like, "You need to talk
to your mom."
Like, we-we're all, like,
- "Forgive her, forgive yourself."
- Work on it.
"Work on it. You know?
We're, you're past
You're old enough
to figure this out."
- Yeah, yes.
- Yeah, you were, you were affected by that.
- [laughs]
- Oh, John's obsessed with his mom.
- I'm not obsessed, I just
- Loves.
- Loves his mom.
- I-I Well, who doesn't?
- It's a good trait to have.
- Yeah.
- [scoffs] Yeah.
- [Jane #2] How could Eminem
- redeem himself for that?
- [Jane] Oh.
- Listen. Well
- How? Okay, but how can he get
be cool again after that?
- [John] You mean, like, relevant?
- It's hard to be old
and famous and stay punk.
I'll give you that.
I don't think it's possible.
I don't think
- you're supposed to be punk.
- There has to be someone
who got cooler as they aged.
- Who is it?
- [Jane] Yeah.
- [John] I
- What about Madonna?
- No. No.
- No.
- Dolly Parton!
- Oh, yeah!
- Dolly Parton.
- [Jane] That's it.
[John #2] Dolly fucking Parton.
She only gets better
and better
- Yeah, no. Ah.
- and better and better and better.
- [John] I'll give you Dolly.
- That's the
- It's like Sade.
- [gasping]
- [John] Ah, Sade.
- Sade.
- Sade. That's it.
- Sade. That I'm in it.
You got, you got, like,
no, th-those are the aces.
- [John #2] That's it.
- [Jane #2] That's it.
- You guys
- [Jane] We figured it out.
You guys want to be topped off?
I'll have another scoop
of that butter pecan, too,
- please, yeah.
- I'm good, thank you. - [John] Okay.
- Just a scoop.
- [John] Okay. No problem.
Sade. What a beauty.
- [Jane] Yeah.
- [John] What's the, um,
what's the craziest mission
you guys have ever been on?
Oh, yeah.
- Bali.
- Bali.
Yeah. [laughs] That was nuts.
What was it?
We, uh
we had to get someone
out of prison.
High security.
No comms. No weapons.
- No-no-no cover.
- Nothing.
Right? No
- It was just, like, very, very
- [Jane #2] Free fall.
very, very
specific parameters.
- [Jane #2] Yeah.
- [sniffles]
What'd you guys do?
[liquid pouring]
Here's something I wish
someone had told me early on.
There is a secret
to getting out of any situation
you find yourself in,
no matter how tight it is.
It's your breath.
If you can control your breath,
you can control anything.
That's the key.
- Breathing.
- [Jane #2] Mm-hmm.
That's powerful.
Also, it's good to have a plan,
but be prepared
to abandon it, right?
Be a master
at thinking on your feet.
Be smart, trust your instincts,
- go with your gut.
- Yeah.
- Listen.
- Listen.
We're definitely learning that.
Do you guys ever feel weird,
emotionally, after a mission?
It's natural.
We had to kill
some other Smiths once.
How-how come?
- [grunts]
- Maybe they're getting divorced.
Dude, is this just Häagen-Dazs?
- He's joking.
- This is so fucking good.
It's from the farmers market.
Some dairy upstate.
- Mmm.
- Let me see what time it is.
Oh, we're gonna be late.
We got to go.
- [John #2] Oh, fuck. Yeah, we're late.
- What?
- What?
- [Jane #2] Yep.
We're on the clock.
- It's the middle of the night.
- [Jane #2] Okay.
Thank you so much.
- This was a beautiful night.
- All right.
- John.
- I am so sorry
- that I can't stay.
- You are a hell of a chef.
- I just want to say that.
- I clean dishes
- when I go to other people's homes, and
- It was amazing.
- So, you guys are on a mission?
- [John] Thank you so much.
- Yeah.
- [John] You guys are l [laughs]
Sorry, we-we drank a lot.
You guys are going to
to-to, on a mission right now?
- [John #2] It's more fun like that.
- Oh, my God.
- You guys are wild.
- [laughter]
- [Jane] Yeah. Wow.
- [John #2] Actually, wait,
- You know what?
- Really?
You two should come.
[Jane #2] Yes.
I was gonna say that.
- [Jane] Oh, my God.
- [Jane #2] That is a great idea.
- Is that allowed?
- [John #2] Who gives a fuck?
[Jane #2] I don't know.
Yeah, who cares?
- [laughter]
- [Jane #2] What a way
to give super high-risk a shot.
- [John #2] Yeah.
- [Jane #2] This is perfect.
- [Jane sighs]
- [Jane #2] Come on.
- [stammers]
- [Jane] Is it gonna be insane
- if we do this?
- [Jane #2] No. No.
You'll see, it's like no.
We'll split the fee
and everything.
And if you like it,
you-you request a bump.
- If you don't, you don't.
- I would do it.
You-you want to do it?
- I would do it.
- Okay, let's do it.
- Let's do it. All right.
- [John #2] Awesome. Okay, let's go.
- Oh, my God.
- [John #2] Okay, go get changed.
- We'll meet you out front. I'll drive. Let's go.
- See you outside.
Let's go. Ow!
[panting] Okay. Here.
Drink this.
I think they're doing
bumps of coke downstairs.
- What? Really?
- [laughs] Yeah. Okay.
Here, in case we need 'em.
Are you sure
you're good to do this?
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Yeah. [exhales]
Do you think the cheese plate
was too much?
[whispers] Are you kidding?
No, they loved it.
- I feel like they barely touched it.
- No.
They didn't like the apricot
chicken. That's for sure.
- No, that was good.
- They no, it wasn't.
No one likes sweet chicken.
I learned that.
They ate it all. It was great.
- You did great.
- All right, all right.
Okay, I'm gonna change.
[Juan Luis Guerra:
"El Costo de la Vida"]
Put these on
under your clothes.
Somewhere discreet.
Lower back usually works.
They're trackers.
So we can have a lock
on each other's positions.
Yeah, you're our new friends.
We can't lose you.
- [soft laughter]
- [tires screech]
What's the assignment?
It's something really easy.
Just something to dip
your feet in the water.
- It's a delivery.
- Eyes on the road. [laughs]
- [tires screech]
- But it's a
it's a super
high-risk delivery.
- Super high-risk!
- [both laugh]
Okay. Let's go.
We got to carry these bags.
This is for you.
- Whoa.
- Oh, my God.
- Not that heavy, I hope.
- Thank you, darling.
- This is for you.
- Okay.
- [grunts] [laughs]
- Nope. It's okay.
- Okay, let's go.
- [John] All right.
Let's go!
- [John] Yeah.
- [Jane] Yay!
[Jane #2] Who-Who's here
tonight? Do you know?
- [John #2] It's probably Gary.
- Gary. Oh, my God,
- I love Gary so much.
- What's in the bags?
Uh, GPS.
- And guns.
- iPhones.
- And guns.
- Uh, yeah.
- Are we going far?
- [Jane #2] I don't know.
I mean, we'll ask Gary.
- [grunts]
- All right, let's go.
Hey, Gary, how long?
[Gary] About as long
as the last time, ma'am.
All right. You know what?
I'm gonna sit
- No more than a few hours.
- Yeah.
- Dawn at the latest.
- It'll end by dawn at the latest.
[Jane #2] Make sure you leave
the bags when you land.
- [John #2] With the guys.
- [Jane #2] Please.
You Are you guys
not coming with us?
- No. No.
- No. No.
- Oh, uh
- It'll be easy. Guys.
- Yeah.
- Enjoy. Have fun.
- Be in the moment. Have fun.
- It'll be easy.
- It's gonna be great, okay?
- This isn't what I thought.
I think you guys should
I'm not gonna do it.
- We'll check in with you after.
- [John] But I didn't
- But leave your
- That's not what we thought
- [Jane] Wait, what?
- [indistinct chatter]
[Jane #2] Leave your phones
in the helo!
- [dialogue inaudible]
- [helicopter whirring]

[Gary] The jungle's a hot zone,
so I'm gonna drop you off
and circle back.
Fuel's tight,
so I'll be back for extraction
in 30 minutes sharp.
[animals chittering]
It's supposed to be here.
[Spanish chatter]
[speaks Spanish]
John y Jane?
- [whistles, speaks Spanish]
- [Jane] Okay
- [dogs barking]
- [speaking Spanish]
- [Spanish chatter]
- Okay.
[Jane] Okay, okay,
all right, all right.
[John] O-O-Okay, okay.
It's okay. It's okay.
- [guns cock]
- Whatever happens, I love you.
[Jane] [crying] I love you, too.
[overlapping shouting]
- [woman screaming]
- [knife slicing]
[man groans]
[Jane panting]
[phone ringing]
- Oh. Hey.
- [Jane #2] Oh.
- Hey.
- [John #2] There he is.
[Jane #2] Hi.
- Not too bad, right?
- Um
It was pretty bad.
It was pretty bad.
Yeah, the
Their boss was not
too happy to see us.
I think they were
expecting to see you.
- Oh.
- Fuck. The Captain?
The boss.
The guy who wasn't a child.
They're not children.
- They're 17 or 19 years old.
- Yeah.
[Jane #2] I'm gonna get some
water. Do you want anything?
[John #2] No, no, I'm good.
So how uh
Man. H-How did you
get out alive?
It's I'm-I'm impressed.
We had to use a machete.
It was pretty horrible.
[John #2 groans]
- Well, John.
- Yeah.
They're young.
Probably easier
to fight off, right?
No, on the boss.
We didn't chop up any kids.
- Oh.
- [Jane #2] What's he saying?
They killed the Captain.
With a machete.
[Jane #2] Shit.
But that's not
It's all right for us, right?
[John #2] Yeah. It's, uh,
it's all right.
[Jane #2] You know, we should
just be doing our own thing
from now on.
Just the two of us.
- [John #2] Yeah, uh
- [Jane #2] Hey, listen.
Since you guys, um,
did most of the work,
y-you really should have
all of the earnings.
- It's only fair.
- Uh, all right. Yes. Uh
- Thanks.
- [John #2] Yeah. We'll transfer the money.
- [Jane #2] Wire transfer.
- [John #2] Yeah, we'll transfer the money, right.
Okay. You guys look tired.
Let's, uh, go rest.
Thanks, guys. You're really
looking out for us.
[John #2] Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Hey, hey, hey, John, okay.
- Guess what I read.
- What?
Eminem opened up a restaurant
called Mom's Spaghetti.
[laughs] It's, like,
it's a cool evolution, right?
Yeah. It's-it's very cool.
- [John #2] All right.
- [Jane #2] Okay.
- [John #2] Okay, guys, okay.
- [Jane #2] Bye.
[John #2] Much love.
See you soon.
- [Jane #2] Bye.
- [John #2] Bye-bye.
All right, bye.
[phone chimes]
[cash register sound effect]

"Swan Theme" from Swan Lake]
[John] What are you doing?
[sighs] Trying to cry.

Is it working?
- [music stops]
- No.
I called you a robot.
You're not, you're not a robot.
I don't, I just want you
to know that.
I know you're not a robot
'cause you get jealous.
[laughs] 'Cause what?
You get jealous.
[laughs] No, I don't.
No, I don't.
Runi has two hands.
Always has.
[laughs] It was a good lie.
- Whatever.
- Such a whatever.
- You fell for it.
- You said she [laughs]
You said th
You said she had one hand.
I mean, it was good.
It was a good lie.
It was good.
If you had told me
15 minutes later,
I would've been like, "Nah,"
but it was quick.
- Good job.
- And you fell for it.
- I fell for it.
- And you dated her.
- [laughs]
- And you you questioned it.
I did. You got me.
Earlier you said you loved me.
Right before the machete.
Yeah, you did, too.
Yeah, but we were about to die.
So you didn't mean it?
No, I do.
You do what?
[laughs] I do love you.
- That's cool.
- [both laugh]
- Say "I"
- Ow!
[both laugh]
- Say it.
- [laughs]
- I like this. I like
- I mean, you don't
- "I love you."
- I love you, Jane.
Do you mean it?
So stupid.
[both laugh softly]
I really
I really didn't like those two.
I hate those two people.
- You do?
- I hate them.
- So much.
- So much. They suck.
- They're not cool.
- No!
- They're not cool at all.
- No.
That's what's so cra
It's like a weird spell
- that you
- I don't know what happened.
- Why were we so into them?
- I
I really don't know.
They were so
- That snee sneezing thing?
- Oh, the sneezing.
- We clapped for that.
- We clapped. We were so into it.
We-we clapped. We were like,
"Why? Is that a
that's your thing?"
It's like,
"Oh, we go to parties
- and we sneeze."
- In threes.
And it was like, I
In threes.
- I think that he faked the last one.
- Yeah.
The first two, I'm like,
"Okay, real." The last one
- He couldn't get it out, no.
- He couldn't get it out.
He was like,
"Uh, there's all this"
- [imitates sneeze]
- [both laughing]
- It's his accent.
- It is.
- You-you want to help him.
- I know.
You feel, like,
you forgive so much.
- He'd be like [stammering]
- Oh, my
[with accent] "You
All you have to do
- is breathe."
- [laughing]
"And you can get through
- And you, like
- You were like,
- you were like, "Uh, what?"
- [laughing] No!
No! That was you.
You ga you did the,
you did this head shake.
You were like,
"This is too good."
- He said something
- I did the head shake,
which is embarrassing.
that we've been doing
our entire lives.
- He made it feel like magic.
- [laughs]
- He made it feel like we had never done it before.
- I know.
I was, like,
"Breathing, of course.
Why didn't I think about that?"
[both laugh]
Oh, my God.
- Yo, fuck those guys.
- I know.

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