Murder in Suburbia (2004) s02e02 Episode Script
Estate Agents
1
["GOLD" BY SPANDAU BALLET]
Thank you for coming home ♪
Sorry that the chairs are all worn ♪
I left them here, I could have sworn ♪
These are my salad days ♪
Slowly being eaten away ♪
Just another play for today ♪
Oh, but I'm proud of you ♪
But I'm proud of you ♪
Nothing left to make me feel small ♪
Luck has left me standing so tall ♪
You are gold [GOLD] ♪
Always believe in your soul ♪
You got the power to know ♪
You're indestructible ♪
Always believe in ♪
You are gold [GOLD] ♪
Glad that you're bound to return ♪
Something I could have learned ♪
You're indestructible. ♪
[SUSPICIOUS MUSIC]
Do you think I give
a monkeys about these?
I'll paper me bloody walls with them.
[PHIL CHUCKLES]
[FOOTSTEPS]
[PHIL HUMMING]
Gold! [GOLD] ♪
I'm glad that you're bound to return ♪
Something I could have learned ♪
You're indestructible ♪
Always believe it ♪
So, come on then,
you can't be that tired and not given me
his name and rating.
Well, his name was Oscar.
Or rather, Oscar! [IMITATES ORGASM]
I'd have given him a 10.
You've never given anyone a 10 before.
He earned it, unless she was faking.
Oh, your neighbour.
I thought our bloke's name was Richard?
Oh, it was. Last week.
You jealous?
Look, I've spent an entire night
listening over and over to that slapper
being taken to heaven and back.
Yes. Yes, I suppose I am a bit jealous.
And a bit of a pervert.
Still dead estate agent.
At least something's gone right today.
[CAMERA SHUTTER]
So, what do we know?
Well, he's dead.
Hit over the head with a paperweight
and then strangled.
17 inch collar, as it goes.
Which makes me think I'm not as chunky
as my wife seems to think I am.
Time of death?
Betweeen 6:30 and 7:30 last night.
Phil Jakes is a lying, cheating bastard.
Do not use him.
He will ruin you.
Yeah, I thought you'd
like to look at that.
34 copies, as it goes.
Lady over there found
the body, Anita Green.
Although I use the word lady loosely.
My advice is keep your
hands clear of her mouth.
Is this gonna take long?
I've got appointments today,
and I've got to cover his as well.
Ms. Green, your colleague's
just been murdered.
Yeah, well I've already told your lot,
I don't know anything.
When I left last night, he
was his usual arsey self.
I came in this morning,
the front door's unlocked and he's dead.
At least he'll be quiet for a change,
that's gonna be a first.
So, you left at what time?
20 past 6. I went home.
Did anyone see you?
No idea.
Perhaps you can tell us
what you know about these.
Customer feedback?
It's typical of Phil to piss people off.
Get on well with all your
colleagues, Ms. Green?
No one liked Phil.
Yeah, I know how that sounds,
but there's no point in me lying.
Anyone else would say the same.
What's this?
Clients.
Taken on his mobile phone camera.
Lennox Jeffrey's, Anita speaking.
How can I help you?
Risky place to commit a murder.
Anyone could have seen
it from the street.
With no back way, either.
Nope. It'll be easier
if I come and see you.
Absolutely. No problem.
Always happy to help.
So maybe it wasn't planned?
An argument that got out of hand?
Well, he had a right set-to
with Jeremy yesterday.
Who's Jeremy?
The other agent in our office.
Still here when I left.
Right. We're taking this with us.
[BRIGHT MUSIC]
Jeremy Stamford?
Ah. Hello. Hello.
Mrs. Soul.
And this must be your husband
No, no, well, absolutely.
Who wants a husband being all practical
when you're looking for your dream home.
And, let me tell you, this is the house.
I'm Detective Inspector Ashurst,
and this is my colleague DS Scribbins.
We're investigating the
murder of your colleague,
Phil Jakes.
Oh, right. Right.
Look, I'd love to talk to you,
but I am stressfully busy at the moment.
Waiting for some important clients,
Mr. And Mrs. R Soul.
Shit.
Shit, the bloody bastard!
Even bloody now.
Which bloody bastard
would that be then, sir?
It wasn't a fight.
Fight. It was banter.
I mean, me and Phil, we were
He'd take the piss,
but the truth is we were
close, really, in the end.
Brothers almost.
Brothers?
What, just like this is
a desirable family home?
I'll tell you what,
a lick of paint and a bit of tidy up
and this place
Can we stick to Phil Jakes, please?
I mean, we had our moments.
Of course we did.
And he made me a little bit
cross yesterday, I admit that.
He liked a few practical jokes.
But dead?
Well, that's horrible.
Tell me what happened last night.
Hard to say, really.
I left Phil in the office
at about 6:30 and drove off.
Where were you going?
Nowhere.
Just around.
Okay, Jeremy,
let's try this again.
This is a murder inquiry.
You were the last person
to see Phil Jakes alive,
and you'd had a fight
with him earlier that day.
Wait a minute.
Give me a break, will you? Girls?
I prefer Detective Inspector.
Oh yes. Wait a minute. Of course!
There was the thing.
In English. If you can.
Oh, he came back yesterday lunchtime.
Something had happened
or he'd found out.
He said he was gonna make a killing.
A sale?
No, no, no, no.
Anita tried to find out,
but he laughed in her face.
She said she'd kill him if he
didn't tell her what it was.
Don't leave town, will you, Jeremy.
Do you think there's
some kind of IQ test
you have to fail to
become an estate agent?
Yeah.
It's the same test all
my ex-boyfriends failed.
So Phil saw Tony and Rachel Drinkwater
at Elm Avenue at 9:30 AM.
And then Wendy Archer at Parkside at 11.
The only other
appointment is at 7:00 PM.
Gold, with three exclamation marks.
So that could be what
he was bragging about
to Jeremy and Anita.
[CAR HORN]
What an arse!
You're still in a mood, aren't you?
Is it obvious?
So when are you moving, Mrs. Drinkwater?
Too soon.
So much to do.
Sahara, don't do that.
What was Phil Jakes here for yesterday?
There was still some
papers for us to sign.
Why? What's this all about?
What kind of mood
would you say he was in?
I don't know.
I've got enough on my
mind trying to move.
The owner of the house we're moving into
has been a complete nightmare.
Is that Wendy Archer?
Yeah.
It's always come round after 8:00 PM,
or before 10 to 9, or
between 5 and 5 past.
Then, yesterday, she wants me over there
at half past six on the dot.
You can tell she's never had children.
That is the worst possible time.
So you went around yesterday
at half past six, did you?
Yes. Why?
Phil Jakes was murdered last night.
How long had you known him, Rachel?
I didn't really.
Tony got him in, my husband.
He sold us this place
about four years ago,
so Tony wanted to use him again.
So where was Tony last night
when you were at Wendy's?
Out.
At the gym, I think.
Unusual name. Sahara.
Did you get pregnant in the desert?
No.
Well, nearly.
We were in Morocco the year before.
Actually I got pregnant when we were
in the middle of moving here,
so I'd have had to have
called her "Packing Crates"
if I'd named her after that.
Oh, is this your husband?
Yeah.
Tony Drinkwater, DI
Ashurst, Middleford CID.
They want to know where
you were yesterday evening.
Oh, that's easy.
I was at home with Rachel.
Might be a bit hard,
seeing as your wife wasn't here.
[COLD MUSIC]
How long are you gonna
keep this up for, Tony?
You know, saying nothing
doesn't make you innocent.
Ah, I'm pleased to say that DS Scribbins
has entered the room at 6:23 PM.
Someone to talk to, at last.
Maybe I can help you.
Does this look familiar?
DS Scribbins is showing the
suspect an offensive leaflet.
Should do.
It was written on your computer.
Why Tony?
He undervalued the house.
We're getting 10 grand
less than one up the road.
Just so he could get a quick sale.
He was a sleazy estate agent
and people needed to know about it.
So you posted these round Middleford?
Rachel was trying to cover for me
because she knew how it would look.
Well, she wasn't wrong.
You were seeing leafleting in the area
at the time of the murder.
So charge me for libel or
slander, or whatever it is.
But I didn't murder anyone.
And, as I understand it, I'm
innocent until proven guilty.
Estate agent Phil Jakes,
also known as a lying, cheating bastard,
found strangled in
his office after work.
Well, one down and 20,000 to go.
That's what she said.
But it's a big leap
from hate mail to murder.
Unless you've got something
else, you'll have to let him go.
We boring you, Ash?
Oh, she didn't get a lot
of sleep last night, boss.
Ah, I see.
Well, why not?
You're young free and single,
that's what you should be doing.
I'll see you tomorrow, ladies.
Have fun and don't do
anything I wouldn't.
Thanks.
Now he thinks I'm swinging
from a chandelier every night.
Is that what he thinks is the behaviour
of a responsible Detective Inspector.
So I improved your image,
buy me a drink next time we're out.
[DOORBELL RINGING]
Wendy? Hello?
It's Anita from Lennox Jeffreys,
can you let me in please?
Look who it isn't.
You're up early, Anita?
Just doing my job.
Trying to do a courtesy call,
but nobody's answering.
She got a milkman in there or something?
Maybe she just doesn't
like estate agents
turning up at all hours unannounced.
Yeah, that's right.
Have a go at estate
agents why don't you.
Everybody else does.
Wendy Archer?
Mrs. Archer, it's the police.
Can you open the door please?
[WENDY] Who is it?
It's DI Ashurst from Middleford CID.
We just wanted to ask
you some questions.
Wendy Archer?
Yes.
Your estate agent, Phil
Jakes, has been murdered.
[LOCKS UNBOLTING]
Sorry about the security.
I lost my husband three months ago,
I just don't feel safe on my own.
They think you have money, you know,
if you live around here.
The truth is I'm lost without him.
He always took care of
everything. Tell me what to do.
Is that him?
Yes.
He died in the Middleford train crash.
Oh, I'm sorry.
He shouldn't even
have been on the train,
but he went back to work
when we lost our pension.
But that was Robert, soldier on.
Well, we're very sorry to intrude.
But we understand that
Phil Jakes came around here
on Monday morning at 11:00 AM.
[SCRIBS] Can you tell us what happened?
Well, nothing.
He barely came in before he left again.
He was here less than two minutes.
Do you mind if we have
a look around anyhow?
Oh, I wish you'd called.
The house is a complete mess.
So what did he want?
To make sure that everything was
ready for the move this week.
But I was upset.
I asked him to come back another time.
And nothing unusual
happened while he was here?
Other than finding me in tears,
not that that's unusual anymore.
Strange how things turn out.
It was our dream to live in Spain.
Now I'm going on my own.
Can you tell us where
you were on Monday night?
Yes, I was here.
I rarely go out these days.
The purchaser came round to
discuss fixtures and fittings.
Rachel Drinkwater?
Yes, that's right.
She arrived about half past six
and was here for an hour or more.
It's so hard to throw things away.
I still half expect him to walk
through the door any minute.
What did you think of Phil Jakes?
He was an estate agent.
I don't think I formed
an opinion of him.
He measured things and
wore ill fitting suits.
I'm sorry he's dead, though.
Do you know what happened?
We will.
It's a relief to be
out in the fresh air.
Scribs, you're all heart.
Well, she's bereaved and she's moving.
It's about as stressful as it gets.
She's odd.
True, shocking carpets.
Not technically a criminal offence.
But it should be.
His bank balance is worse than mine.
Red, red, more red.
Oh, your favourite colour.
Do you want to know what penniless Phil
was doing online on Monday afternoon?
Does it involve women
with large breasts?
You know, your insight
into the male psych
never fails to amaze me, Scribs.
He was on "Hot Girlz", with
a Z, for two and a half hours.
Then the football results, of course.
And then back to the "Hot
Girlz" chat room for 20 minutes.
Those online relationships
really stand the test of time.
Wait, this is better.
He then ordered a very large plasma TV,
new sound system and video camera
Well, that's it, gold.
He's got to have been
blackmailing someone.
Exactly.
Well, maybe.
Come on.
Where are we going?
Estate agents.
Let's see if Anita and Jeremy
are capable of speaking
anything other than bullshit.
Hey, maybe I should go online.
Do you think there's such
a thing as "Hot Boyz"?
Yeah, of course there is.
I imagine.
Anyway, you could
pull yourself a hot boy
in real life if you wanted to.
You're just too fussy.
I'm choosy.
And it's a good quality, Scribs.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
Oh.
Dead man shoes.
Yeah, well he's been
stealing all the best business
for years having that desk.
Anita, did you know that Phil
was planning to blackmail someone?
What are you on about?
The day Phil died,
he was bragging about coming into money.
First I've heard of it.
Uh, she's lying.
I'm sorry, Anita.
But you know exactly what Phil said.
All that about making a killing,
you were right there when he said it.
Oh, that. Well, Phil was full of shite.
He was always mouthing
on about something.
I didn't take him seriously.
But you threatened to kill him
if he didn't tell you what it was.
Well, I threatened to kill Jeremy
for putting sugar in my coffee.
But, you did know Phil
was up to something.
Yes, he reckoned he was onto some money.
And yes, I thought he was an
arsehole who pinched my sales.
But no, I didn't kill him.
Why the hell am I gonna
make my job even harder
by murdering the only other
decent agent in this place?
I'm a decent agent.
[SCRIBS] Do you know who
Phil was blackmailing?
[ANITA] I haven't a clue.
If this was Phil's way of
remembering his clients,
why are you on here?
Jesus.
I thought I needed to get out more.
You not even worked that out yet?
It's not his clients,
it's all the women he's shagged.
It was our unofficial target.
At least I beat him
on that one, my board.
So, you had a competition
to see how many
- Shags.
- Shags?
Yeah.
Made the job more interesting.
Phil always said day times was best,
what with all the bored
housewives at home.
Reckon he could just walk
right in and have them.
They were gagging for it.
God knows why, though.
I mean, he wasn't exactly
I suppose, if you're desperate.
Once was enough for me,
Lennox Jeffreys, Anita speaking.
How can I help you?
You know we'll have to
check all these women out?
Yeah. All 133 of them.
Excuse me, we are investigating
the death of Phil Jakes.
Did your husband stroke
boyfriend murder him
when they found out he was getting
more than his 5% commission?
[ASH] God.
What?
For a minute there,
I thought that was my
old geography teacher.
[CHUCKLES] Did you see Anita's board?
She had more men than you
and me put together, ever.
Do you know, Scribs, I've
never had a one night stand.
No? That's a good thing, isn't it?
According to you.
I don't know.
I mean, maybe while I'm waiting
for the perfect six foot two,
I should, you know,
rather than just
listening to my neighbour.
Men can just be for Christmas.
Yes. They don't have to be for life.
Right.
So if you wanted to, you know,
just for one night.
How would you?
Well, I suppose you'd have to
give off the right signals, but.
Ah, so a bit like driving then?
Yeah, possibly, a bit like driving.
So you check your mirror,
you indicate and manoeuvre.
Pull out slowly.
Ease yourself into the fast lane.
Then heel to the steel all the way.
Little bit lost with the
driving analogy thing.
Stop.
What?
Just stop the car.
[SCRIBS] Oh.
What? What is it.
Look, major development.
When did Phil sleep
with Rachel Drinkwater?
1, 2, 3. And blow them out Sahara!
Blow them out!
Happy birthday dear Sahara ♪
And again! And again!
[FAMILY CHEERING]
[DAD] Happy birthday!
Can you serve the cake, Tony?
[FAMILY CHATTING]
There's something we need to ask you.
We know you had sex with Phil Jakes.
What?
Were you having a relationship?
No.
I mean,
it was only once.
Was Phil blackmailing you,
threatening to tell Tony?
No.
Isn't that why you killed him?
No!
He wasn't blackmailing me.
Look, it was a long time ago.
When you were moving last
time, about four years ago?
Or three years, nine months.
Phil was Sahara's
father, wasn't he Rachel?
Rachel.
Of course, I didn't suspect.
You don't think, oh,
I wonder if our baby's
estate agents, do you?
I wish I'd never found out.
We'd been trying for ages,
but it just wasn't happening.
And you know what your friends are like.
"Oh, you two have been married ages.
"Aren't you thinking
of having kids yet?"
Doesn't occur to them
you might be trying and getting nowhere.
Then along came Phil Jakes.
He was a slime bag, really.
But I was ovulating and he
was there trying to get fresh.
So you had sex with
him and got pregnant?
I never told him it was his.
I was nothing to him.
But this way I had what I really wanted.
You don't know what it's like
to be desperate for a child.
We were a happy family, the three of us.
Then we decided to move again,
and I instructed bloody
Phil bloody Jakes.
I came home one day, two weeks ago.
He was there.
And Rachel was really upset.
And?
Well, I thought he'd made a pass at her.
I confronted him, shoved him.
And he just suddenly turned.
He sneered at me and said,
"Me and Rachel are old history."
Deep down, it was a relief
when I had to tell him the truth.
I've been living with
this secret for so long.
Every time I look at
Sahara, I see Phil's face.
You knew Tony killed Phil
Jakes, didn't you Rachel.
And you lied to protect him.
No, I didn't.
Tony didn't kill him.
Rachel tried to say that
Sahara might still be mine.
But, I mean, she is really.
In all the ways that matter.
I've loved her this far.
I've brought her up.
And I wasn't gonna
let him ruin all that.
So you finally decided to shut him up
and make sure he could
never tell anyone else.
Oh.
Should have done.
Don't think I didn't want to.
I wrote that hate mail.
I thought of a million
different ways to kill him.
Now someone else has
spared me the trouble.
[PENSIVE MUSIC]
[SCRIBS] Hard to read.
Very.
Would you forgive your wife?
Fortunately, I don't have one.
So if we assume it
wasn't Rachel and Tony,
and let's, for the sake of argument,
say we believe them.
Then what would be the
Ash, you're not exactly
getting in the mood, are you?
I am. I am.
I'm really enjoying myself.
Just get me a double
before I change my mind and go home.
Scribs, Scribs, how long do
you think we're staying here?
Shall I book a cab now?
'Cause later on we'll never
get one, it'll be a nightmare.
And I mean, if we split
up, I can always get
- Ash.
- What?
This isn't gonna work
if you do your thing.
What thing?
Thinking.
Stop thinking and just do it.
It's just, what sort
of men come in here?
Male men. Ones with testicles.
Why? What sort are you after?
Thought they might at
least have shoulders.
Oh, come on. Give 'em a chance.
What about him?
He looks quite fit.
Which one?
[CLUB MUSIC]
Go tiger.
All right, boss?
Evening, ladies.
You look very nice.
What are you doing here?
Oh, I just popped in for a quick drink.
Quite the party animal
these days, aren't you Ash?
Oh yeah, boss. She's really wild.
Everything all right with the case?
Yes. Yes.
We're narrowing the suspects down.
And although Tony doesn't have an alibi,
and his wife
Sorry.
You don't wanna talk
about work when you're out.
Oh, no.
Yes, absolutely.
Of course not.
Well, anyway. I don't
wanna cramp your style.
I'll see you tomorrow.
One more button and
you could have had him.
So, come on then, last time I saw you,
you were wrapped around that bloke.
Give us the gossip.
His name's Daniel.
He's 32. He's a lawyer.
He's very sensitive.
And?
Oh, we made love all
night on a sheepskin rug
in front of an open fire.
And this morning he
picked wild bluebells
for my breakfast tray.
I left alone just after you.
[SCRIBS] Late night then, boss?
While you were out clubbing,
the worker ants found a witness
who saw Phil Jakes leaving
Wendy's house at 11:45.
But she said he arrived at 11
and only stayed a few minutes.
Check it out.
Maybe she's just gotten in a muddle,
or maybe she's lying through her teeth.
Any thoughts on what gold means?
Yes. Phil Jakes has suddenly
become a big spender.
He was blackmailing someone,
but we don't know who yet.
So gold could mean he
was about to collect.
My money's on the office.
You know how it gets at work.
Competitions, sexual tension.
Who's the female colleague.
Anita, is it?
Well, she was certainly quick to
point the finger at the new boy.
Maybe she's trying to draw
attention from herself.
Well, her bonuses have
shrunk down to nothing
in the last year, she needed some cash.
Yes, and Jeremy's got credit cards
to pay off his credit cards.
What's he spending his money on?
Not clothes, that's for sure.
Well, let me know how you go.
And any other gossip you might have.
[ASH] Phil Jakes made a lot of enemies.
He was always very professional with me.
Punctual, helpful, courteous.
And the last time he
came, was he punctual?
Yes.
You sure?
Yes.
Only we know that Phil didn't
leave your house till 11:45,
when you told us that
he'd only been here
for a couple of minutes.
Remember?
Last time we were here.
Perhaps I got confused.
It's not like me, but all
this chaos, the moving.
Phil Jakes was blackmailing
you, wasn't he Wendy?
[SCOFFS] No.
Is that why he stayed so long?
No, of course not.
Did he threaten you?
No.
[SCRIBS] Well, what did happen then?
He was always very kind to me.
Is there someone else involved in this?
Someone you're protecting?
It's best to tell us, Wendy.
What happened when Phil came round?
[ASH] Why was he blackmailing you?
No, I
He was here for nearly an hour.
What was he doing?
No, please.
You've got it all wrong.
I might have done
something rather silly.
- What Wendy?
- I
[ASH] What have you done?
We had
He asked me to
You didn't sleep with him, did you?
I didn't tell you, because
I knew what you'd think,
how you'd judge me.
But I'm alone.
I don't know what's
happening in my life anymore.
He took advantage of you.
He laughed at you because
you were just a conquest,
and you were grieving.
And you were confused
and you lost control.
He didn't laugh at me.
He was
I enjoyed it.
Does that shock you?
And I wanted to do it again.
That's why he was here that morning.
We were making love.
Is there a woman in Middleford
he didn't have sex with?
Oh, very funny.
I can't say I was
expecting that one though.
Well, she's a woman,
she'll do for the board.
Still, but picking on a poor widow.
Not poor, rich.
Think life assurance and
compensation from the train crash.
She's quite a wealthy widow actually.
And he wouldn't be the first
man to woo a widow for money.
Did you actually just use the word woo?
I'm an old fashioned girl.
Well, maybe she felt used.
Flipped and killed him.
But her alibi only stacks up
if Rachel's telling the truth.
Well, he slept with both of them.
Maybe they planned it together.
You know, a revenge thing.
Middleford's very own Thelma and Louise.
Yeah, Ashurst.
Right, we're on our way.
[POLICE SIREN]
I didn't order it!
I told you, it's just stupid
Don't laugh! You bloody cow!
Just get out of here!
I know it was paid
for on my credit card,
but my colleague seems
to think it's funny.
All I know mate is that
this is the delivery address
it's meant to be at.
And I'm telling you
that I don't want it.
Hey, there's no need to be like that.
Isn't there?
Isn't there!
[POLICE DETECTIVES SHOUTING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Bring him back.
Every single day.
I mean, once is a joke.
Ha ha, you took my credit card
when I was out on a viewing
and ordered something.
But every day?
I've got debts up to my armpits
trying to return all the
stuff they won't take back.
And he nearly got me fired once
when he ordered a load of pornography.
I thought, now he's dead, it would stop.
But he's still doing it to me.
I mean, how many more
things has he ordered?
Did you kill him to
make him stop, Jeremy?
I can't take it anymore.
[PENSIVE MUSIC]
[JEREMY GULPS]
I didn't kill him.
Jeremy, we just watched you
try to batter a man over the head.
It wasn't me.
I think perhaps we should carry this on
down at the station.
No, I told you, I didn't do it!
Jeremy, sweet pea.
What are we forgetting to
tell the nice lady detectives?
What?
What was it that made us
so angry this week? Hmm?
The thing you keep ranting on about.
Anita, I told you not to
Jeremy, I know you're dim,
but try to make an effort.
Speeding ticket or murder charge.
Which do you prefer?
Anita, I've already got
nine points on my licence.
Sorry. Speeding ticket?
Anita!
He was flashed by a speed
camera the night he left here
when Phil was murdered.
You check out the time,
it should be his alibi.
God sake, you stupid cow.
In the meantime, Anita,
we were quite keen to talk
to you again about your alibi.
His name's Nigel Collins.
I'll give you his number,
but please be discreet.
His wife's a close
personal friend of mine.
Did you know that Wendy
slept with Phil Jakes?
Wendy? She's a dark horse.
I told Tony, I thought
she had a man hidden there
when I went round once.
She looked all flustered
and I smelt aftershave in the bathroom.
But Phil?
Do you know Wendy well?
I've told you, no.
She's an extremely difficult
person to deal with.
Why, what are you suggesting?
That you both had Phil in common.
Please.
We only have yours and Wendy's word
that you were at her
house the time you said.
Look, no matter what I thought of Phil,
do you think I could kill
the father of my own child?
Okay, let's go back to the money.
Wendy has plenty.
Phil was trying to get his hands on it.
Well, it's possible Anita or Jeremy
were trying to get a
piece of the action.
Jeremy's too thick.
Anita, maybe.
She was around Wendy's like a shot.
What about the house
Wendy was buying in Spain?
Who's making money on that now?
Well, something doesn't add up there.
There's something we're not seeing.
Anything on Anita's alibi?
Not yet. Nor Jeremy's.
I'll check him out again.
Thanks. That means I get Anita.
Well, I'll give you a lift, Ash.
[ASH] Thanks for this, boss.
I was going your way.
Good time the other night?
Yeah. Great.
It's a great place.
Well, I'm young free
and single, so why not?
Not quite swinging from
chandelier every night,
but, you know.
You're full of surprises, Ash.
It wasn't really my kind of place.
I'm more of a quiet drink and
good dinner and
conversation kind of guy.
Yes.
That's Anita over there.
You can get one of the uniforms
to give you a lift back, can't you?
Sure.
[CAR TYRES SKIDDING]
Ah, you're right.
That's the joy of suburbia.
You know, more space for your money.
Four bedrooms with an
I don't know what his
blackmail scam was.
And I didn't kill him for his commission
on a piddly property in Spain.
Your alibi seems to
be away on a conference
and not answering his mobile.
Yeah. That's right.
And if a fella hadn't been
murdered, I'd be there too.
Enjoying a mini facial and a massage
at the Bristol Malthouse.
Try this number.
That was your boss
in the car, wasn't it?
I sold him a flat once, you know?
Big bedroom.
You know, you could be quite attractive
if you just chilled out a bit.
Thanks.
But charts of men I've slept with
aren't quite my style.
No.
Well, you're too straight
laced, aren't you?
Still, you should have a
look at mine before you go.
You might learn something interesting.
Right. I'm off to Wendy's
to pick up her keys.
Have fun.
[MISCHIEVOUS MUSIC]
[SCRIBS] Jeremy, come down.
I desperately need to measure this up.
Come down now.
Couldn't you imagine
yourself living here?
Lounging about
The speed camera.
Didn't have any film in it.
No photo, no proof you were ever there.
Yes!
No £80 fine. No more points. Excellent.
Jeremy, it means you
don't have an alibi.
I didn't kill him.
So I don't need an alibi.
What do you know about the
house Wendy's buying in Spain?
Nothing. Zero. Zilch.
Not my problem.
We split Phil's
workload down the middle.
And don't tell me, you got this.
And Anita got the half a
million pound villa to sell.
Hey, this place has
got serious potential.
You could do with a nice little
starter home, couldn't you?
And the best thing is
there's enough space up here
for storage or an extra bedroom.
I mean, you can put the kids up there,
fold away the ladder and
nobody would ever know.
What's the one thing that
Phil Jakes was honest about?
I don't know, sex?
Exactly.
So if he was so proud of his conquest,
why would he miss one off
his precious photo board?
He wouldn't.
Right, so where's Wendy.
She lied to us.
Phil didn't sleep with her.
Yep. So what's she hiding?
Not what, who?
I think she's been hiding
someone in the house.
Wendy? Wendy.
[SUSPICIOUS MUSIC]
Wendy, can you open the door please?
Well, there's someone here,
because that's Anita's car.
All right. Stay back a minute.
[GLASS BREAKING]
Wendy?
[EERIE MUSIC]
I was right.
They're in the garden!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Let go of her now!
No, Robert!
Are you all right, Anita?
Yeah.
Oi!
[ANITA SPLUTTERS]
[DRAMATIC CLASSICAL MUSIC]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
Stop!
All right. All right! All right!
[ROBERT GROANS]
Don't you ever try and kill me again.
You big shit.
All right, Anita.
It's over now.
Come on, come with me.
We didn't set out to do it.
I'd never broken the
law in my life before.
You're a good man, Robert.
But?
Going back to work was so hard.
And then one day, there
I was, in the train crash.
I didn't know what had hit me.
I thought he'd been killed outright.
That's what they'd told me.
They said there wasn't
even a body to bury.
And then two weeks later,
I came down and there he
was sitting on the sofa,
like a ghost.
God knows how I got there.
But Wendy told me
about the life insurance
and the compensation.
How everybody thought I was dead.
So
So, you decided to keep it that way.
It was a way out, you see?
It wasn't like we were lying.
That's what everybody thought, already.
And where does Phil fit in?
He had a set of keys cut.
The liberties some people take.
So he just let himself in?
Wendy? Wendy, are you there?
I tried to get in the loft.
I wasn't quick enough.
I was still in my bathrobe.
There's no way we could
have made anything up.
[PHIL CHUCKLES]
And anyway, I knew he'd
recognised me the moment he saw me.
His eyes nearly popped out of his head.
He had the cheek to ask us for money.
He said if we didn't give him
half the insurance payment,
he'd tell the police
we'd committed fraud.
Well, what could we do?
He was coming here at seven o'clock
to work out the arrangements.
The gold and the diary.
We could have given him the money.
But he'd have still
come back wanting more.
Where does it all end with blackmail?
And you were a dead man already.
And we were so close to getting away.
So I went there early
to find him.
No one saw me.
The street was completely deserted.
It seemed like a sign.
And the noise from the photocopier meant
he didn't even hear me coming.
[EERIE MUSIC]
It just felt too easy.
And Anita?
We were just about to go.
Two more minutes,
and I'd have been in
that camper van tucked up
with Wendy driving us off to a new life.
We were so nearly free.
Robert. Robert.
What a couple of idiots.
To be given a second chance like that
and then throw it away.
They nearly got away with it, though.
Could have been the perfect murder.
So there was a woman in Middleford
Phil Jakes wasn't sleeping with.
Look where monogamy gets you, though.
Banged up in jail for
the rest of your life.
[ASH] No, no.
That's where greed gets you.
Monogamy's still a good thing.
Do you fancy giving that bar another go?
Why not?
I am a party animal.
Sullivan might be there.
No, no, it's not his sort of place.
He told me he doesn't
like pickup joints.
He's not that sort of guy.
Yeah, right.
If you say so.
Why do you always have to be so cynical?
Take this one back to the station.
[BRIGHT MUSIC]
Well, what are we waiting for?
I'm thirsty.
[POLICE SIREN]
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
["GOLD" BY SPANDAU BALLET]
Thank you for coming home ♪
Sorry that the chairs are all worn ♪
I left them here, I could have sworn ♪
These are my salad days ♪
Slowly being eaten away ♪
Just another play for today ♪
Oh, but I'm proud of you ♪
But I'm proud of you ♪
Nothing left to make me feel small ♪
Luck has left me standing so tall ♪
You are gold [GOLD] ♪
Always believe in your soul ♪
You got the power to know ♪
You're indestructible ♪
Always believe in ♪
You are gold [GOLD] ♪
Glad that you're bound to return ♪
Something I could have learned ♪
You're indestructible. ♪
[SUSPICIOUS MUSIC]
Do you think I give
a monkeys about these?
I'll paper me bloody walls with them.
[PHIL CHUCKLES]
[FOOTSTEPS]
[PHIL HUMMING]
Gold! [GOLD] ♪
I'm glad that you're bound to return ♪
Something I could have learned ♪
You're indestructible ♪
Always believe it ♪
So, come on then,
you can't be that tired and not given me
his name and rating.
Well, his name was Oscar.
Or rather, Oscar! [IMITATES ORGASM]
I'd have given him a 10.
You've never given anyone a 10 before.
He earned it, unless she was faking.
Oh, your neighbour.
I thought our bloke's name was Richard?
Oh, it was. Last week.
You jealous?
Look, I've spent an entire night
listening over and over to that slapper
being taken to heaven and back.
Yes. Yes, I suppose I am a bit jealous.
And a bit of a pervert.
Still dead estate agent.
At least something's gone right today.
[CAMERA SHUTTER]
So, what do we know?
Well, he's dead.
Hit over the head with a paperweight
and then strangled.
17 inch collar, as it goes.
Which makes me think I'm not as chunky
as my wife seems to think I am.
Time of death?
Betweeen 6:30 and 7:30 last night.
Phil Jakes is a lying, cheating bastard.
Do not use him.
He will ruin you.
Yeah, I thought you'd
like to look at that.
34 copies, as it goes.
Lady over there found
the body, Anita Green.
Although I use the word lady loosely.
My advice is keep your
hands clear of her mouth.
Is this gonna take long?
I've got appointments today,
and I've got to cover his as well.
Ms. Green, your colleague's
just been murdered.
Yeah, well I've already told your lot,
I don't know anything.
When I left last night, he
was his usual arsey self.
I came in this morning,
the front door's unlocked and he's dead.
At least he'll be quiet for a change,
that's gonna be a first.
So, you left at what time?
20 past 6. I went home.
Did anyone see you?
No idea.
Perhaps you can tell us
what you know about these.
Customer feedback?
It's typical of Phil to piss people off.
Get on well with all your
colleagues, Ms. Green?
No one liked Phil.
Yeah, I know how that sounds,
but there's no point in me lying.
Anyone else would say the same.
What's this?
Clients.
Taken on his mobile phone camera.
Lennox Jeffrey's, Anita speaking.
How can I help you?
Risky place to commit a murder.
Anyone could have seen
it from the street.
With no back way, either.
Nope. It'll be easier
if I come and see you.
Absolutely. No problem.
Always happy to help.
So maybe it wasn't planned?
An argument that got out of hand?
Well, he had a right set-to
with Jeremy yesterday.
Who's Jeremy?
The other agent in our office.
Still here when I left.
Right. We're taking this with us.
[BRIGHT MUSIC]
Jeremy Stamford?
Ah. Hello. Hello.
Mrs. Soul.
And this must be your husband
No, no, well, absolutely.
Who wants a husband being all practical
when you're looking for your dream home.
And, let me tell you, this is the house.
I'm Detective Inspector Ashurst,
and this is my colleague DS Scribbins.
We're investigating the
murder of your colleague,
Phil Jakes.
Oh, right. Right.
Look, I'd love to talk to you,
but I am stressfully busy at the moment.
Waiting for some important clients,
Mr. And Mrs. R Soul.
Shit.
Shit, the bloody bastard!
Even bloody now.
Which bloody bastard
would that be then, sir?
It wasn't a fight.
Fight. It was banter.
I mean, me and Phil, we were
He'd take the piss,
but the truth is we were
close, really, in the end.
Brothers almost.
Brothers?
What, just like this is
a desirable family home?
I'll tell you what,
a lick of paint and a bit of tidy up
and this place
Can we stick to Phil Jakes, please?
I mean, we had our moments.
Of course we did.
And he made me a little bit
cross yesterday, I admit that.
He liked a few practical jokes.
But dead?
Well, that's horrible.
Tell me what happened last night.
Hard to say, really.
I left Phil in the office
at about 6:30 and drove off.
Where were you going?
Nowhere.
Just around.
Okay, Jeremy,
let's try this again.
This is a murder inquiry.
You were the last person
to see Phil Jakes alive,
and you'd had a fight
with him earlier that day.
Wait a minute.
Give me a break, will you? Girls?
I prefer Detective Inspector.
Oh yes. Wait a minute. Of course!
There was the thing.
In English. If you can.
Oh, he came back yesterday lunchtime.
Something had happened
or he'd found out.
He said he was gonna make a killing.
A sale?
No, no, no, no.
Anita tried to find out,
but he laughed in her face.
She said she'd kill him if he
didn't tell her what it was.
Don't leave town, will you, Jeremy.
Do you think there's
some kind of IQ test
you have to fail to
become an estate agent?
Yeah.
It's the same test all
my ex-boyfriends failed.
So Phil saw Tony and Rachel Drinkwater
at Elm Avenue at 9:30 AM.
And then Wendy Archer at Parkside at 11.
The only other
appointment is at 7:00 PM.
Gold, with three exclamation marks.
So that could be what
he was bragging about
to Jeremy and Anita.
[CAR HORN]
What an arse!
You're still in a mood, aren't you?
Is it obvious?
So when are you moving, Mrs. Drinkwater?
Too soon.
So much to do.
Sahara, don't do that.
What was Phil Jakes here for yesterday?
There was still some
papers for us to sign.
Why? What's this all about?
What kind of mood
would you say he was in?
I don't know.
I've got enough on my
mind trying to move.
The owner of the house we're moving into
has been a complete nightmare.
Is that Wendy Archer?
Yeah.
It's always come round after 8:00 PM,
or before 10 to 9, or
between 5 and 5 past.
Then, yesterday, she wants me over there
at half past six on the dot.
You can tell she's never had children.
That is the worst possible time.
So you went around yesterday
at half past six, did you?
Yes. Why?
Phil Jakes was murdered last night.
How long had you known him, Rachel?
I didn't really.
Tony got him in, my husband.
He sold us this place
about four years ago,
so Tony wanted to use him again.
So where was Tony last night
when you were at Wendy's?
Out.
At the gym, I think.
Unusual name. Sahara.
Did you get pregnant in the desert?
No.
Well, nearly.
We were in Morocco the year before.
Actually I got pregnant when we were
in the middle of moving here,
so I'd have had to have
called her "Packing Crates"
if I'd named her after that.
Oh, is this your husband?
Yeah.
Tony Drinkwater, DI
Ashurst, Middleford CID.
They want to know where
you were yesterday evening.
Oh, that's easy.
I was at home with Rachel.
Might be a bit hard,
seeing as your wife wasn't here.
[COLD MUSIC]
How long are you gonna
keep this up for, Tony?
You know, saying nothing
doesn't make you innocent.
Ah, I'm pleased to say that DS Scribbins
has entered the room at 6:23 PM.
Someone to talk to, at last.
Maybe I can help you.
Does this look familiar?
DS Scribbins is showing the
suspect an offensive leaflet.
Should do.
It was written on your computer.
Why Tony?
He undervalued the house.
We're getting 10 grand
less than one up the road.
Just so he could get a quick sale.
He was a sleazy estate agent
and people needed to know about it.
So you posted these round Middleford?
Rachel was trying to cover for me
because she knew how it would look.
Well, she wasn't wrong.
You were seeing leafleting in the area
at the time of the murder.
So charge me for libel or
slander, or whatever it is.
But I didn't murder anyone.
And, as I understand it, I'm
innocent until proven guilty.
Estate agent Phil Jakes,
also known as a lying, cheating bastard,
found strangled in
his office after work.
Well, one down and 20,000 to go.
That's what she said.
But it's a big leap
from hate mail to murder.
Unless you've got something
else, you'll have to let him go.
We boring you, Ash?
Oh, she didn't get a lot
of sleep last night, boss.
Ah, I see.
Well, why not?
You're young free and single,
that's what you should be doing.
I'll see you tomorrow, ladies.
Have fun and don't do
anything I wouldn't.
Thanks.
Now he thinks I'm swinging
from a chandelier every night.
Is that what he thinks is the behaviour
of a responsible Detective Inspector.
So I improved your image,
buy me a drink next time we're out.
[DOORBELL RINGING]
Wendy? Hello?
It's Anita from Lennox Jeffreys,
can you let me in please?
Look who it isn't.
You're up early, Anita?
Just doing my job.
Trying to do a courtesy call,
but nobody's answering.
She got a milkman in there or something?
Maybe she just doesn't
like estate agents
turning up at all hours unannounced.
Yeah, that's right.
Have a go at estate
agents why don't you.
Everybody else does.
Wendy Archer?
Mrs. Archer, it's the police.
Can you open the door please?
[WENDY] Who is it?
It's DI Ashurst from Middleford CID.
We just wanted to ask
you some questions.
Wendy Archer?
Yes.
Your estate agent, Phil
Jakes, has been murdered.
[LOCKS UNBOLTING]
Sorry about the security.
I lost my husband three months ago,
I just don't feel safe on my own.
They think you have money, you know,
if you live around here.
The truth is I'm lost without him.
He always took care of
everything. Tell me what to do.
Is that him?
Yes.
He died in the Middleford train crash.
Oh, I'm sorry.
He shouldn't even
have been on the train,
but he went back to work
when we lost our pension.
But that was Robert, soldier on.
Well, we're very sorry to intrude.
But we understand that
Phil Jakes came around here
on Monday morning at 11:00 AM.
[SCRIBS] Can you tell us what happened?
Well, nothing.
He barely came in before he left again.
He was here less than two minutes.
Do you mind if we have
a look around anyhow?
Oh, I wish you'd called.
The house is a complete mess.
So what did he want?
To make sure that everything was
ready for the move this week.
But I was upset.
I asked him to come back another time.
And nothing unusual
happened while he was here?
Other than finding me in tears,
not that that's unusual anymore.
Strange how things turn out.
It was our dream to live in Spain.
Now I'm going on my own.
Can you tell us where
you were on Monday night?
Yes, I was here.
I rarely go out these days.
The purchaser came round to
discuss fixtures and fittings.
Rachel Drinkwater?
Yes, that's right.
She arrived about half past six
and was here for an hour or more.
It's so hard to throw things away.
I still half expect him to walk
through the door any minute.
What did you think of Phil Jakes?
He was an estate agent.
I don't think I formed
an opinion of him.
He measured things and
wore ill fitting suits.
I'm sorry he's dead, though.
Do you know what happened?
We will.
It's a relief to be
out in the fresh air.
Scribs, you're all heart.
Well, she's bereaved and she's moving.
It's about as stressful as it gets.
She's odd.
True, shocking carpets.
Not technically a criminal offence.
But it should be.
His bank balance is worse than mine.
Red, red, more red.
Oh, your favourite colour.
Do you want to know what penniless Phil
was doing online on Monday afternoon?
Does it involve women
with large breasts?
You know, your insight
into the male psych
never fails to amaze me, Scribs.
He was on "Hot Girlz", with
a Z, for two and a half hours.
Then the football results, of course.
And then back to the "Hot
Girlz" chat room for 20 minutes.
Those online relationships
really stand the test of time.
Wait, this is better.
He then ordered a very large plasma TV,
new sound system and video camera
Well, that's it, gold.
He's got to have been
blackmailing someone.
Exactly.
Well, maybe.
Come on.
Where are we going?
Estate agents.
Let's see if Anita and Jeremy
are capable of speaking
anything other than bullshit.
Hey, maybe I should go online.
Do you think there's such
a thing as "Hot Boyz"?
Yeah, of course there is.
I imagine.
Anyway, you could
pull yourself a hot boy
in real life if you wanted to.
You're just too fussy.
I'm choosy.
And it's a good quality, Scribs.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
Oh.
Dead man shoes.
Yeah, well he's been
stealing all the best business
for years having that desk.
Anita, did you know that Phil
was planning to blackmail someone?
What are you on about?
The day Phil died,
he was bragging about coming into money.
First I've heard of it.
Uh, she's lying.
I'm sorry, Anita.
But you know exactly what Phil said.
All that about making a killing,
you were right there when he said it.
Oh, that. Well, Phil was full of shite.
He was always mouthing
on about something.
I didn't take him seriously.
But you threatened to kill him
if he didn't tell you what it was.
Well, I threatened to kill Jeremy
for putting sugar in my coffee.
But, you did know Phil
was up to something.
Yes, he reckoned he was onto some money.
And yes, I thought he was an
arsehole who pinched my sales.
But no, I didn't kill him.
Why the hell am I gonna
make my job even harder
by murdering the only other
decent agent in this place?
I'm a decent agent.
[SCRIBS] Do you know who
Phil was blackmailing?
[ANITA] I haven't a clue.
If this was Phil's way of
remembering his clients,
why are you on here?
Jesus.
I thought I needed to get out more.
You not even worked that out yet?
It's not his clients,
it's all the women he's shagged.
It was our unofficial target.
At least I beat him
on that one, my board.
So, you had a competition
to see how many
- Shags.
- Shags?
Yeah.
Made the job more interesting.
Phil always said day times was best,
what with all the bored
housewives at home.
Reckon he could just walk
right in and have them.
They were gagging for it.
God knows why, though.
I mean, he wasn't exactly
I suppose, if you're desperate.
Once was enough for me,
Lennox Jeffreys, Anita speaking.
How can I help you?
You know we'll have to
check all these women out?
Yeah. All 133 of them.
Excuse me, we are investigating
the death of Phil Jakes.
Did your husband stroke
boyfriend murder him
when they found out he was getting
more than his 5% commission?
[ASH] God.
What?
For a minute there,
I thought that was my
old geography teacher.
[CHUCKLES] Did you see Anita's board?
She had more men than you
and me put together, ever.
Do you know, Scribs, I've
never had a one night stand.
No? That's a good thing, isn't it?
According to you.
I don't know.
I mean, maybe while I'm waiting
for the perfect six foot two,
I should, you know,
rather than just
listening to my neighbour.
Men can just be for Christmas.
Yes. They don't have to be for life.
Right.
So if you wanted to, you know,
just for one night.
How would you?
Well, I suppose you'd have to
give off the right signals, but.
Ah, so a bit like driving then?
Yeah, possibly, a bit like driving.
So you check your mirror,
you indicate and manoeuvre.
Pull out slowly.
Ease yourself into the fast lane.
Then heel to the steel all the way.
Little bit lost with the
driving analogy thing.
Stop.
What?
Just stop the car.
[SCRIBS] Oh.
What? What is it.
Look, major development.
When did Phil sleep
with Rachel Drinkwater?
1, 2, 3. And blow them out Sahara!
Blow them out!
Happy birthday dear Sahara ♪
And again! And again!
[FAMILY CHEERING]
[DAD] Happy birthday!
Can you serve the cake, Tony?
[FAMILY CHATTING]
There's something we need to ask you.
We know you had sex with Phil Jakes.
What?
Were you having a relationship?
No.
I mean,
it was only once.
Was Phil blackmailing you,
threatening to tell Tony?
No.
Isn't that why you killed him?
No!
He wasn't blackmailing me.
Look, it was a long time ago.
When you were moving last
time, about four years ago?
Or three years, nine months.
Phil was Sahara's
father, wasn't he Rachel?
Rachel.
Of course, I didn't suspect.
You don't think, oh,
I wonder if our baby's
estate agents, do you?
I wish I'd never found out.
We'd been trying for ages,
but it just wasn't happening.
And you know what your friends are like.
"Oh, you two have been married ages.
"Aren't you thinking
of having kids yet?"
Doesn't occur to them
you might be trying and getting nowhere.
Then along came Phil Jakes.
He was a slime bag, really.
But I was ovulating and he
was there trying to get fresh.
So you had sex with
him and got pregnant?
I never told him it was his.
I was nothing to him.
But this way I had what I really wanted.
You don't know what it's like
to be desperate for a child.
We were a happy family, the three of us.
Then we decided to move again,
and I instructed bloody
Phil bloody Jakes.
I came home one day, two weeks ago.
He was there.
And Rachel was really upset.
And?
Well, I thought he'd made a pass at her.
I confronted him, shoved him.
And he just suddenly turned.
He sneered at me and said,
"Me and Rachel are old history."
Deep down, it was a relief
when I had to tell him the truth.
I've been living with
this secret for so long.
Every time I look at
Sahara, I see Phil's face.
You knew Tony killed Phil
Jakes, didn't you Rachel.
And you lied to protect him.
No, I didn't.
Tony didn't kill him.
Rachel tried to say that
Sahara might still be mine.
But, I mean, she is really.
In all the ways that matter.
I've loved her this far.
I've brought her up.
And I wasn't gonna
let him ruin all that.
So you finally decided to shut him up
and make sure he could
never tell anyone else.
Oh.
Should have done.
Don't think I didn't want to.
I wrote that hate mail.
I thought of a million
different ways to kill him.
Now someone else has
spared me the trouble.
[PENSIVE MUSIC]
[SCRIBS] Hard to read.
Very.
Would you forgive your wife?
Fortunately, I don't have one.
So if we assume it
wasn't Rachel and Tony,
and let's, for the sake of argument,
say we believe them.
Then what would be the
Ash, you're not exactly
getting in the mood, are you?
I am. I am.
I'm really enjoying myself.
Just get me a double
before I change my mind and go home.
Scribs, Scribs, how long do
you think we're staying here?
Shall I book a cab now?
'Cause later on we'll never
get one, it'll be a nightmare.
And I mean, if we split
up, I can always get
- Ash.
- What?
This isn't gonna work
if you do your thing.
What thing?
Thinking.
Stop thinking and just do it.
It's just, what sort
of men come in here?
Male men. Ones with testicles.
Why? What sort are you after?
Thought they might at
least have shoulders.
Oh, come on. Give 'em a chance.
What about him?
He looks quite fit.
Which one?
[CLUB MUSIC]
Go tiger.
All right, boss?
Evening, ladies.
You look very nice.
What are you doing here?
Oh, I just popped in for a quick drink.
Quite the party animal
these days, aren't you Ash?
Oh yeah, boss. She's really wild.
Everything all right with the case?
Yes. Yes.
We're narrowing the suspects down.
And although Tony doesn't have an alibi,
and his wife
Sorry.
You don't wanna talk
about work when you're out.
Oh, no.
Yes, absolutely.
Of course not.
Well, anyway. I don't
wanna cramp your style.
I'll see you tomorrow.
One more button and
you could have had him.
So, come on then, last time I saw you,
you were wrapped around that bloke.
Give us the gossip.
His name's Daniel.
He's 32. He's a lawyer.
He's very sensitive.
And?
Oh, we made love all
night on a sheepskin rug
in front of an open fire.
And this morning he
picked wild bluebells
for my breakfast tray.
I left alone just after you.
[SCRIBS] Late night then, boss?
While you were out clubbing,
the worker ants found a witness
who saw Phil Jakes leaving
Wendy's house at 11:45.
But she said he arrived at 11
and only stayed a few minutes.
Check it out.
Maybe she's just gotten in a muddle,
or maybe she's lying through her teeth.
Any thoughts on what gold means?
Yes. Phil Jakes has suddenly
become a big spender.
He was blackmailing someone,
but we don't know who yet.
So gold could mean he
was about to collect.
My money's on the office.
You know how it gets at work.
Competitions, sexual tension.
Who's the female colleague.
Anita, is it?
Well, she was certainly quick to
point the finger at the new boy.
Maybe she's trying to draw
attention from herself.
Well, her bonuses have
shrunk down to nothing
in the last year, she needed some cash.
Yes, and Jeremy's got credit cards
to pay off his credit cards.
What's he spending his money on?
Not clothes, that's for sure.
Well, let me know how you go.
And any other gossip you might have.
[ASH] Phil Jakes made a lot of enemies.
He was always very professional with me.
Punctual, helpful, courteous.
And the last time he
came, was he punctual?
Yes.
You sure?
Yes.
Only we know that Phil didn't
leave your house till 11:45,
when you told us that
he'd only been here
for a couple of minutes.
Remember?
Last time we were here.
Perhaps I got confused.
It's not like me, but all
this chaos, the moving.
Phil Jakes was blackmailing
you, wasn't he Wendy?
[SCOFFS] No.
Is that why he stayed so long?
No, of course not.
Did he threaten you?
No.
[SCRIBS] Well, what did happen then?
He was always very kind to me.
Is there someone else involved in this?
Someone you're protecting?
It's best to tell us, Wendy.
What happened when Phil came round?
[ASH] Why was he blackmailing you?
No, I
He was here for nearly an hour.
What was he doing?
No, please.
You've got it all wrong.
I might have done
something rather silly.
- What Wendy?
- I
[ASH] What have you done?
We had
He asked me to
You didn't sleep with him, did you?
I didn't tell you, because
I knew what you'd think,
how you'd judge me.
But I'm alone.
I don't know what's
happening in my life anymore.
He took advantage of you.
He laughed at you because
you were just a conquest,
and you were grieving.
And you were confused
and you lost control.
He didn't laugh at me.
He was
I enjoyed it.
Does that shock you?
And I wanted to do it again.
That's why he was here that morning.
We were making love.
Is there a woman in Middleford
he didn't have sex with?
Oh, very funny.
I can't say I was
expecting that one though.
Well, she's a woman,
she'll do for the board.
Still, but picking on a poor widow.
Not poor, rich.
Think life assurance and
compensation from the train crash.
She's quite a wealthy widow actually.
And he wouldn't be the first
man to woo a widow for money.
Did you actually just use the word woo?
I'm an old fashioned girl.
Well, maybe she felt used.
Flipped and killed him.
But her alibi only stacks up
if Rachel's telling the truth.
Well, he slept with both of them.
Maybe they planned it together.
You know, a revenge thing.
Middleford's very own Thelma and Louise.
Yeah, Ashurst.
Right, we're on our way.
[POLICE SIREN]
I didn't order it!
I told you, it's just stupid
Don't laugh! You bloody cow!
Just get out of here!
I know it was paid
for on my credit card,
but my colleague seems
to think it's funny.
All I know mate is that
this is the delivery address
it's meant to be at.
And I'm telling you
that I don't want it.
Hey, there's no need to be like that.
Isn't there?
Isn't there!
[POLICE DETECTIVES SHOUTING]
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Bring him back.
Every single day.
I mean, once is a joke.
Ha ha, you took my credit card
when I was out on a viewing
and ordered something.
But every day?
I've got debts up to my armpits
trying to return all the
stuff they won't take back.
And he nearly got me fired once
when he ordered a load of pornography.
I thought, now he's dead, it would stop.
But he's still doing it to me.
I mean, how many more
things has he ordered?
Did you kill him to
make him stop, Jeremy?
I can't take it anymore.
[PENSIVE MUSIC]
[JEREMY GULPS]
I didn't kill him.
Jeremy, we just watched you
try to batter a man over the head.
It wasn't me.
I think perhaps we should carry this on
down at the station.
No, I told you, I didn't do it!
Jeremy, sweet pea.
What are we forgetting to
tell the nice lady detectives?
What?
What was it that made us
so angry this week? Hmm?
The thing you keep ranting on about.
Anita, I told you not to
Jeremy, I know you're dim,
but try to make an effort.
Speeding ticket or murder charge.
Which do you prefer?
Anita, I've already got
nine points on my licence.
Sorry. Speeding ticket?
Anita!
He was flashed by a speed
camera the night he left here
when Phil was murdered.
You check out the time,
it should be his alibi.
God sake, you stupid cow.
In the meantime, Anita,
we were quite keen to talk
to you again about your alibi.
His name's Nigel Collins.
I'll give you his number,
but please be discreet.
His wife's a close
personal friend of mine.
Did you know that Wendy
slept with Phil Jakes?
Wendy? She's a dark horse.
I told Tony, I thought
she had a man hidden there
when I went round once.
She looked all flustered
and I smelt aftershave in the bathroom.
But Phil?
Do you know Wendy well?
I've told you, no.
She's an extremely difficult
person to deal with.
Why, what are you suggesting?
That you both had Phil in common.
Please.
We only have yours and Wendy's word
that you were at her
house the time you said.
Look, no matter what I thought of Phil,
do you think I could kill
the father of my own child?
Okay, let's go back to the money.
Wendy has plenty.
Phil was trying to get his hands on it.
Well, it's possible Anita or Jeremy
were trying to get a
piece of the action.
Jeremy's too thick.
Anita, maybe.
She was around Wendy's like a shot.
What about the house
Wendy was buying in Spain?
Who's making money on that now?
Well, something doesn't add up there.
There's something we're not seeing.
Anything on Anita's alibi?
Not yet. Nor Jeremy's.
I'll check him out again.
Thanks. That means I get Anita.
Well, I'll give you a lift, Ash.
[ASH] Thanks for this, boss.
I was going your way.
Good time the other night?
Yeah. Great.
It's a great place.
Well, I'm young free
and single, so why not?
Not quite swinging from
chandelier every night,
but, you know.
You're full of surprises, Ash.
It wasn't really my kind of place.
I'm more of a quiet drink and
good dinner and
conversation kind of guy.
Yes.
That's Anita over there.
You can get one of the uniforms
to give you a lift back, can't you?
Sure.
[CAR TYRES SKIDDING]
Ah, you're right.
That's the joy of suburbia.
You know, more space for your money.
Four bedrooms with an
I don't know what his
blackmail scam was.
And I didn't kill him for his commission
on a piddly property in Spain.
Your alibi seems to
be away on a conference
and not answering his mobile.
Yeah. That's right.
And if a fella hadn't been
murdered, I'd be there too.
Enjoying a mini facial and a massage
at the Bristol Malthouse.
Try this number.
That was your boss
in the car, wasn't it?
I sold him a flat once, you know?
Big bedroom.
You know, you could be quite attractive
if you just chilled out a bit.
Thanks.
But charts of men I've slept with
aren't quite my style.
No.
Well, you're too straight
laced, aren't you?
Still, you should have a
look at mine before you go.
You might learn something interesting.
Right. I'm off to Wendy's
to pick up her keys.
Have fun.
[MISCHIEVOUS MUSIC]
[SCRIBS] Jeremy, come down.
I desperately need to measure this up.
Come down now.
Couldn't you imagine
yourself living here?
Lounging about
The speed camera.
Didn't have any film in it.
No photo, no proof you were ever there.
Yes!
No £80 fine. No more points. Excellent.
Jeremy, it means you
don't have an alibi.
I didn't kill him.
So I don't need an alibi.
What do you know about the
house Wendy's buying in Spain?
Nothing. Zero. Zilch.
Not my problem.
We split Phil's
workload down the middle.
And don't tell me, you got this.
And Anita got the half a
million pound villa to sell.
Hey, this place has
got serious potential.
You could do with a nice little
starter home, couldn't you?
And the best thing is
there's enough space up here
for storage or an extra bedroom.
I mean, you can put the kids up there,
fold away the ladder and
nobody would ever know.
What's the one thing that
Phil Jakes was honest about?
I don't know, sex?
Exactly.
So if he was so proud of his conquest,
why would he miss one off
his precious photo board?
He wouldn't.
Right, so where's Wendy.
She lied to us.
Phil didn't sleep with her.
Yep. So what's she hiding?
Not what, who?
I think she's been hiding
someone in the house.
Wendy? Wendy.
[SUSPICIOUS MUSIC]
Wendy, can you open the door please?
Well, there's someone here,
because that's Anita's car.
All right. Stay back a minute.
[GLASS BREAKING]
Wendy?
[EERIE MUSIC]
I was right.
They're in the garden!
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
Let go of her now!
No, Robert!
Are you all right, Anita?
Yeah.
Oi!
[ANITA SPLUTTERS]
[DRAMATIC CLASSICAL MUSIC]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
Stop!
All right. All right! All right!
[ROBERT GROANS]
Don't you ever try and kill me again.
You big shit.
All right, Anita.
It's over now.
Come on, come with me.
We didn't set out to do it.
I'd never broken the
law in my life before.
You're a good man, Robert.
But?
Going back to work was so hard.
And then one day, there
I was, in the train crash.
I didn't know what had hit me.
I thought he'd been killed outright.
That's what they'd told me.
They said there wasn't
even a body to bury.
And then two weeks later,
I came down and there he
was sitting on the sofa,
like a ghost.
God knows how I got there.
But Wendy told me
about the life insurance
and the compensation.
How everybody thought I was dead.
So
So, you decided to keep it that way.
It was a way out, you see?
It wasn't like we were lying.
That's what everybody thought, already.
And where does Phil fit in?
He had a set of keys cut.
The liberties some people take.
So he just let himself in?
Wendy? Wendy, are you there?
I tried to get in the loft.
I wasn't quick enough.
I was still in my bathrobe.
There's no way we could
have made anything up.
[PHIL CHUCKLES]
And anyway, I knew he'd
recognised me the moment he saw me.
His eyes nearly popped out of his head.
He had the cheek to ask us for money.
He said if we didn't give him
half the insurance payment,
he'd tell the police
we'd committed fraud.
Well, what could we do?
He was coming here at seven o'clock
to work out the arrangements.
The gold and the diary.
We could have given him the money.
But he'd have still
come back wanting more.
Where does it all end with blackmail?
And you were a dead man already.
And we were so close to getting away.
So I went there early
to find him.
No one saw me.
The street was completely deserted.
It seemed like a sign.
And the noise from the photocopier meant
he didn't even hear me coming.
[EERIE MUSIC]
It just felt too easy.
And Anita?
We were just about to go.
Two more minutes,
and I'd have been in
that camper van tucked up
with Wendy driving us off to a new life.
We were so nearly free.
Robert. Robert.
What a couple of idiots.
To be given a second chance like that
and then throw it away.
They nearly got away with it, though.
Could have been the perfect murder.
So there was a woman in Middleford
Phil Jakes wasn't sleeping with.
Look where monogamy gets you, though.
Banged up in jail for
the rest of your life.
[ASH] No, no.
That's where greed gets you.
Monogamy's still a good thing.
Do you fancy giving that bar another go?
Why not?
I am a party animal.
Sullivan might be there.
No, no, it's not his sort of place.
He told me he doesn't
like pickup joints.
He's not that sort of guy.
Yeah, right.
If you say so.
Why do you always have to be so cynical?
Take this one back to the station.
[BRIGHT MUSIC]
Well, what are we waiting for?
I'm thirsty.
[POLICE SIREN]
[UPBEAT MUSIC]