Murderville (2022) s01e05 Episode Script

[narrator.]
Meet Terry Seattle, Homicide Division.
For Terry, every day means a new murder case, and a new celebrity guest star as his partner.
Today's guest: Hollywood icon Sharon Stone.
But here's the catch.
Sharon isn't being given a script.
She has no idea what's about to happen.
Together, she and Terry will have to improvise their way through the case.
But it'll be up to Sharon alone to name the killer.
So join them as they punch a one-way ticket to Murderville.
[Terry.]
Life is all about self-improvement.
If you're not getting better, you are getting dead-er.
And I'm not dead-er yet.
Old Terry Seattle still has a few tricks up his sleeve.
- [Daz.]
Really? - [Rhonda.]
Yeah.
Really.
- [Daz.]
All right.
- [Rhonda.]
It's a really nice tie.
I've never seen you wear it before.
[clears throat.]
[Terry.]
Chief.
Detective Phillips.
Come on.
Call me Daz, Terry.
I told you everyone calls me Daz.
Not everyone.
You should hear some of the names you're called.
Oh, yeah? Like what? Uh Ugly Bones, Doo-Doo Brains, Scrot-Lips, Fart Chopper.
What are those boxes? I have been hand selected for a very lucrative business opportunity.
Yeah, selling a revolutionary health shake: Science Living Ultimate Dietary Gold, a.
k.
a.
SLUDG.
My neighbor got involved in one of those companies.
It's one of those multi-level marketing scams.
Not a scam.
No, all I got to do to make my investment back is make $10,000 in sales, recruit ten people to work under me, and do each one of those things 10 times.
Terry, you're in a pyramid scheme.
How could you be so gullible? Look, I'll help you out, man.
How much is a box? No way.
Wouldn't work for your body, anyway.
It's made for a natural athlete like myself.
Just trying to be nice.
Uh-oh.
Here comes Fart Chopper.
Well, your business opportunity will have to wait.
It's time for you to meet your new partner.
New partner? Come on, Chief.
I'm already partnered with a supplement company that's helping me grow as a business and a person.
Detective, meet Sharon Stone.
Sharon, this is Senior Detective, Terry Seattle.
Well, hello there.
Well, hello.
Let me ask you something.
Do your arms work? Sometimes.
- Hold these.
- No, thank you.
Chief, order her to hold these.
I'm not going to do that.
This is not off to a great start, trainee.
All right, follow me.
- Well, okay.
- You're about to learn two careers.
Let's go, Sharon Stone, if that's even your real name.
I'm just going to toss these on the rest of the inventory.
Actually, you should never toss SLUDG.
It's very unstable when it's shaken.
You can pop a seat there.
Sorry about those.
I just I was in the newspaper last week.
Thank you.
First time, so I bought a bunch of copies.
Kind of a big deal.
They accidentally used my photo with an obituary.
And yet you're very much alive.
So tell me, why do you want to become a homicide detective? I really like crime.
- What's your favorite part? - I like the mystery of crime.
I like to understand why people do these weird, bad things.
For me, it's about getting into an emotional state.
Like, for instance, right now.
Right.
I'm going to cry.
Okay, you get into an emotional state.
- Excuse me, Detective.
- Yes? Why are we crying now? Sometimes you need to cry for families and you make them feel like you care.
Oh, because you have empathy for them.
Well, you have to have the appearance of empathy.
Because they're like, "My son, he didn't deserve this.
" And you're thinking, like, "Oh, geez.
I hope the diner is still open.
" And yes, of course your son didn't deserve it, you know, but I don't know the full story.
Maybe he did deserve it.
Maybe he was a real loud mouth.
You know, one of the great things about being a homicide detective? - Yeah? - Is all the laughs.
We have a lot of laughs here.
Let me ask you a question.
You ever seen a dead body? - Yeah.
- Isn't it something? I remember my first.
I was about six.
We were at a carnival, and there was a hobo and he got You know, the big, the - Ferris wheel? - Ferris wheel! And he'd been sleeping.
He was drunk.
They started it up and the guy got squished.
Round and around and he was They couldn't turn it off.
And all the kids, we're all screaming and crying and our parents were there.
My dad actually left that night.
And my last sight of him was him vomiting as he got into his Caprice Classic.
[exhales.]
You got any funny stories? I don't.
Look, there's one rule that I got here on this job.
Good take a note.
Under no circumstances can you and I fall in love with each other.
It happens way more than you think.
Yeah, not today.
Look into my eyes.
Mhm.
You feeling anything? Nothing.
Are you looking hard enough? Nothing's happening.
Look at this eye.
Look at this one.
This one's particularly deep.
Nothing at all.
There are a few exercises that we need to run in order to make sure, okay? These are fail-safe ways to ensure that nothing happens.
Okay? So what we're going to do is we're going to tell each other our most embarrassing secrets.
And then there's no way that we will become physically attracted to each other and then ultimately fall in love which neither of us wants.
- Ready? I'm going to go first.
- Mhm.
I haven't flossed since 1992.
Okay.
You go.
What do you got? Gross me out.
My dog eats his own poop.
Does he ever snack on other dog's poop? - He might.
Uh-huh.
- He might.
What kind of a dog are we talking about? He's a cute dog.
- He's a cute dog.
- Yes.
That eats his own shit.
Sometimes a little poop from other dogs.
Given that information, I think I can trust you.
It's go time, detectives.
There's been a murder.
A beloved surgeon at City General Hospital was killed.
Get down there.
ASAP.
All right, Sharon Stone, homicide trainee, let's do this.
Oh, you know what? I am going to bring some SLUDG.
Crime scene is a great place to find new customers.
[Terry.]
We headed over to City General.
When someone dies in the OR, that's usually a tragedy.
Today was also a tragedy, but also a murder.
Okay.
I want you to think of this as your crime scene, Sharon, but I'm here in a supporting role.
Okay? - Hello.
- Hello.
This is trainee, Sharon Stone, who feeds her dog its own poop on a regular basis and is trying not to fall in love with me and we'll see if that's successful or not.
- Love seeing a lady detective.
Yes.
- And you are? - Amber Kang.
So excited.
- Pleased to meet you.
- Amber Kang, forensics.
- Pleased to meet you, too.
She's super cool.
She likes to longboard.
She's into TikTok, etcetera.
- So what happened to this person? - Yeah, what do we got here, Amber? Honestly, the best looking corpse you have ever laid eyes on.
[Amber.]
Sebastian Pierce, MD.
His heart was surgically removed from his chest.
The murderer did this? Yes.
This is definitely the work of a skilled surgeon because these sutures are - Beautifully done.
- The murderer went all the way along there and left nothing there or there.
It's perfectly placed.
Look at this.
Perfectly Perfect.
Like from there.
- Boop.
- Right there.
- [Sharon.]
I know.
- [Terry.]
Boop, boop.
They just went from here - Boop, boop.
- Boop.
Bop, bop.
Incredible.
Do you think the killer made the sound? Like Do-do-do-do.
Do! I don't know if I was in here I would have been more like [silly noise.]
[buzzsaw noise.]
[Terry.]
Amber, is this your coffee? No, I only drink chai.
[Terry.]
So this belonged to the killer.
Let's bag it.
I don't wanna touch it.
[Terry.]
Okay.
Got it.
- That is stickier than my last divorce.
- Slide it right there.
- Okay.
- Okay, there we go.
- [Sharon.]
Yep.
There you go.
- Open it up.
There we go.
There we go.
Ooh! I didn't know you were gonna pour it.
- I'm sorry.
- Well, the cup's not important.
We're just gonna We don't It's the coffee, right? [Amber.]
Better bag the cup, too.
Okay, bag both.
Let's fan out.
You go this way.
I'm going to go this way and let's just look for a few more clues.
Wait.
Do you hear that music? What's that music? That's Mozart's Requiem.
- Did you put this on? - No, it was on when we arrived here.
The killer must have played it.
Whoa! - Stand back.
- What is that? Let me take a look.
[Terry.]
Oh my God, it's a heart.
It looks like it's been stomped on.
This is incredible evidence.
We need to bag this.
[Amber.]
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
This is part of the body.
I need it for the autopsy.
Sharon, tell her this is evidence.
We need this for the murder investigation.
Sharon, whose side are you on? Are you on my side? Are you on the side of science? I am always on the side of science.
- Thank you.
Wait, no, no.
- What? We need this.
We need this.
[unintelligible screams.]
Fine.
Fine.
Fine.
Take it, you psycho! You got lint on it.
[Terry.]
Our first stop was the office of City General's Chief administrator, Dr.
Jocelyn Alexander.
She'd been Pierce's boss, and rumor was they had bad blood, which is a phrase I learned when I try to donate to the Red Cross once.
If I had one of these, it's going to say Terry Seattle, S.
C.
O.
D.
What does that mean? Super Cop On Duty.
Oh If you could put letters at the end, what would you say? B.
A.
E.
- Sharon Stone, B.
A.
E.
? - B.
A.
E.
Badass Extraordinaire.
- That scared me.
- It did? - I almost drew my firearm.
- Enough? God damn it, I forgot my firearm again.
- I keep leaving it.
- Detectives, let's make this quick.
This murder has really mucked up my day.
Wow.
Sorry for your loss.
That's a pretty big violin.
That's a cello, Detective.
I play in the local symphony.
Yeah, I'd call it a mega fiddle.
Could we get the show on the road, please? Go ahead, Sharon.
Can you describe your relationship with Dr.
Pierce? I was his boss.
But what kind of relationship did you have with Dr.
Pierce? That was our only relationship.
Hold on one second.
- She's being very elusive.
- Mhm.
I think I'm gonna go a different route with this.
I want you to roll with me.
All right, I'm in.
Dr.
Alexander, please forgive my trainee here as she's new and stupid and she doesn't know how pushy and rude she sounds.
Well, she's very unlikable.
Difficult's the word I usually get.
Look, these interrogations can be very impersonal, and we want to get to know you, but we want you to also get to know us.
So I'll tell you what, we're going to ask you a question, and then you can ask us a question.
How about that? - I appreciate that.
- [Terry.]
Okay.
People don't really care about my needs usually.
I just have to solve everyone else's problems around here.
Alright, alright, this will be fun.
So I'd like you to describe your relationship with Dr.
Pierce.
I was his boss, and he made my life miserable.
He was a top-notch surgeon, but his perfect face made everyone else a liability.
Could you describe that for me? Do you know the doctors and nurses were constantly losing their phones inside of patients because they were trying to sext him mid surgery.
Yes.
It was a malpractice nightmare.
Did you personally find him attractive? Wait, I think she gets a question.
Go ahead.
- It is my turn, correct? - [Terry.]
Yeah.
Again, you'll have to forgive my partner.
She's new.
- I'm new and difficult.
- She's so dumb, and at the heart of it, she's trying not to fall in love with me, and I don't think she's having a very successful time of it.
That leads me directly to my question.
Do you find your partner attractive? [laughs.]
Wow.
Um, so about Dr.
Pierce.
Your honor, permission to treat the witness as hostile, am I right? What part of your partner would you say is the most attractive? Something physical.
I like the silences.
Mm.
Fair enough.
Okay, go ahead, go ahead.
So can you think of anyone in particular who would want him dead? And if it's yourself, why? There's absolutely a spurned lover, a jilted husband.
I mean, who knows? It could have been anyone.
People were obsessed with him.
So what was the last time you spoke to Dr.
Pierce and what did he say? It was yesterday morning.
He had just broken up with one of our doctors, Madison Chen, and she flipped out.
So this Madison Chen, where was she when this murder took place? May I ask a question now? - Yes, please.
I wish you would.
- I thought that was the game.
- That's what the rules are for.
- All right.
Did you cry when you lost your virginity? Okay, you know what? This interview is over.
All right, let's get out of here.
- It's nothing to be embarrassed about.
- I think I'd like to know.
- I think we would wanna - It happens to a lot of men.
- I've got a question for you.
- Yes? Are you friends with anybody at the FDA? [Terry.]
Next up we headed over to City Zumba to speak with Dr.
Madison Chen.
Dr.
Pierce had dumped her just before his murder.
We needed to find out if her symptoms included homicidal rage.
Wow, look at this place.
It's like a SLUDG mongers wet dream.
We're going to sell two cases easy in here.
- Over here, detectives! - Ah! Dr.
Madison Chen.
I'm Detective Terry Seattle, and this is homicide detective, Sharon Stone.
So nice to meet you guys.
Thanks for coming here.
This is my only hour off.
Do you zumba? I don't, so You know, but you have the perfect body for it.
- What about you, Detective? - [Terry.]
Thank you.
No, I don't do anything that doesn't involve either punching men or men punching me.
Sometimes women punching me, too, if I'm being totally honest.
Oh, well, zumba may surprise you and you're going to love the music.
It's literally all I listen to these days.
You seem pretty upbeat considering your boyfriend just died.
Well, you know, you The past is the past.
You know, and he got what was coming.
You seem like the kind of active go-getter who would really benefit from SLUDG.
I mean, it is packed with herbal amphetamines.
I don't need that.
I mean, the only stimulants I use these days are zumba and positive vibes.
- Welcome to zumba.
- [cheering.]
- Make your way to the dance floor.
- Okay, well, we have a couple of questions - about Dr.
Sebastian Pierce's death.
- Now my regulars know I have one rule: always be moving.
Let's kick it! - We do have some questions about - Hey, you two.
- Yeah? - Let's get those feet moving.
I'm not in the class.
I'm a homicide detective.
Sharon, show him your badge.
Sorry, detectives.
If you're in this room, you're moving.
Let's go.
- When he broke up with you, - Okay, that's not a rule.
- I mean, that's just a suggestion.
- did it break your heart? We were together for only a week, but it felt like a lifetime, you know? - It was for him.
- I mean, because we did literally everything together, even surgeries.
Sebastian would cut them open.
- And I'd stitch them back together.
- You are the stitcher-upper - of the heart surgery? - Yes.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, he always let me finish.
- Okay.
- You know? That's important.
Double time.
Let's go.
So why did you think that he had this coming? Yesterday, out of the blue, he just dumped me.
Can you even imagine? He ripped my heart out and stomped on it.
He stomped on your heart.
Okay.
Oh, Christ.
Christ, I honestly can't.
And then I remembered my personal motto: when you're not happy, just make yourself happy.
Because guess what? I just got engaged.
You just got to move on because life moves fast at City General.
I need some SLUDG.
I need somewhere to throw up.
I gotta get some SLUDG.
Back to the front.
Other side, yeah.
- I have one more question.
- Oh, please.
If you were gonna rip somebody's heart out and stomp on it, - would you sew them up afterwards? - Yeah.
Of course.
- Thank you.
See ya later.
- Bye.
[Terry.]
Sir, you on the gurney, can I interest you in some SLUDG? Can I interest you in SLUDG? SLUDG is great.
FDA-approved, FDA of Guatemala is about to approve SLUDG.
Try some SLUDG.
Just give it a shot.
[exhales.]
Probably just had a loss in the family.
You know, we make a pretty good team.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
And I'm not just saying the homicide stuff.
I know that I said that this shouldn't happen, but Sharon, I want you to be my SLUDG business partner.
Oh All I need from you is just a cashier's check in the amount of my initial investment or half of that or thirteen thousand dollars in cash should be fine.
Of course, two thirds of the your proceeds for the first six years of your franchise, but honestly, once I make my first sale, I really feel like the money is going to start rolling in.
- I respect your enthusiasm - Think about it.
and I'm happy - To think about it.
- to help you while I'm learning.
As my partner.
So, yes.
No, but I'll help you while I'm learning.
It's the first time I've been in this hospital in 15 years.
- Yeah.
- Why were you here 15 years ago? It was the night my old partner Lori died.
Her memory haunts my office like a ghost, like Lori's ghost, but it's not Lori.
She always said if she came back as a ghost, she'd give me an invisible wedgie so I knew it was her.
Anyway, the point is, her murder was never solved, and I can't let go.
- I'm sorry.
- Yeah.
You want to tell me about the worst thing that's ever happened to you? [exhales.]
- You know, I was 13 or 14, and - Oh, my God, you know what? We got to get going if we want to solve this crime.
Yeah.
You ready to kick this investigation into high gear? Yeah.
Okay.
Time to scrub up.
[laughs.]
[Terry.]
Our final suspect was Will Gonzalez, anesthesiologist.
Apparently, his wife had a history with the victim, and not the textbook kind of history, the sex kind.
They'd had sex.
Textbook intercourse.
Well, here we are.
As expected, two actual doctors here to perform the surgery.
Sorry, I don't think we've met.
Are you guys new at the hospital or? Yes.
Very good.
Dr.
Brett Retterson, and this is the Frau Dr.
Eva Brownfinger, a renowned German surgeon from Germany.
Very thick accent.
What hospital did you study at in Germany? [in German accent.]
The hospital of the Frau the Frau Hungenshungen.
Very renowned.
Wow, it's such an honor to meet you, Frau Doctor.
Yes, it is.
Yeah, we are here to perform - The surgery.
- The surgery which is obviously a A cutting thing.
Another thoracic aortic dissection repair.
Shit.
- Everything okay? - No, no, it's fine.
It's just been a while since we've done - the thoracic surgery.
- I am good at that.
I love the cutting.
- Yeah, she loves the cutting.
- Cutting is my specialty.
I am very good at the cutting.
[whispers.]
You need to stall this guy and get the information out of him before we do any actual surgery, okay? Let's just do it.
Let's just play it that way, all right? So Dr.
Gonzalez, I want to ask you, what was your relationship with the Dr.
Pierce? - [laughs.]
I mean.
- This is German small talk by the way.
The guy kind of had it coming.
I mean, it's not a huge deal.
But, you know, you guys heard about the thing.
His relationship with my wife.
The hanky-panky with the wife? But here's the thing, it actually kind of worked out for me because I got a hall pass, which means I get to bang a rando of my choosing.
Rando means anybody.
And my wife let me buy a boat.
- That is a very sweet deal.
- Yeah.
What made you want to become an anesthesiologist? You know what's super funny about that is I was gonna do surgery and I did a training everything, but there's something so cool about being able to turn a little dial and you turn this guy's brain into applesauce.
- [Terry.]
Sure.
- Right? You know, we really should get started, guys.
I love the small talk, but we don't want to keep him under for long.
Okay.
Well, let's get going.
Hand me the knife.
- I'm sorry.
The knife? - Scallop.
- He means scalpel.
- Scalpel.
You know what's so weird is in my head I heard you say knife - Yeah? - and I'm like that is crazy.
I haven't had my coffee today, clearly.
Oh, my God.
Oh.
Sorry.
- Okay, all right.
- Oh, my God, it's the marina where my boat is docked.
- Okay.
- I got to take this.
Sure.
Well, we've got to - operate on this guy.
- Yeah, well, you know.
Thank you for letting us do our job.
I'm gonna make an incision.
Just to look like we know what we're doing here.
[Sharon.]
Oh! - Oh, boy.
Yeah.
- Oh! Look at that.
- Let me get some gauze.
- Now he's got something.
- Oh, goodness.
Oh, goodness.
- Yeah, help with that.
That's good.
- Yeah, okay.
You know what? - Oh, my God.
I'm gonna make another incision just to kind of even it out - and relieve some of the pressure.
- Maybe not.
- Maybe not.
- Just to relieve the pressure.
- Oh, my God.
The blood is everywhere.
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.
- Wait, put this original one.
- Oh, shit.
- Here, plug this one, and I think that I don't have any more.
- Oh, goodness.
Oh, goodness.
- He's pooling.
He's pooling.
Oh, boy.
- [Sharon.]
Oh, lord.
- That's good.
That's good.
Hang on.
- Oh, lord.
- Okay, okay, that's - It's the blooding.
- To catch it.
- It's blooding everywhere.
Oh, shit.
- Catch it in this thing.
- [Sharon.]
Oh.
Here.
- You can make another incision.
This is not a first-day thing.
Okay.
Hang on.
Yeah, now it's fine.
It's fine.
You put your finger there.
This one's going worse here.
Unbelievable.
- Yeah.
- Dr.
Gonzalez, we have a little leak.
I'm telling you, I'm having a rough day, too.
- [Terry.]
Yeah? - Something happened to my boat.
Code blue.
Let's get a crash cart.
We need to stop the bleeding.
Yeah, definitely get a drinks cart in here.
- Crash cart.
- You guys got this? You go right step in there.
Dr.
Gonzalez.
- Another successful thoratic - And to you.
- Thoracic I can't.
So many of them.
- You are very, very, very wonderful.
- Wunderbar.
- [Terry.]
Here we go.
[Terry.]
After power washing the blood off our bodies, we gathered the hospital staff so Sharon could deliver her criminal diagnosis.
It was time for her to tell us who she believed had murdered Dr.
Pierce.
Uh, ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention, please? The time has come for homicide trainee, Sharon Stone, to decide which of these three suspects killed Dr.
Pierce.
[Terry.]
Is it Dr.
Chen, Dr.
Alexander or Dr.
Gonzalez? And she will do that just as soon as I tell you about an incredible business and nutrition opportunity.
You're not elephants.
Why work for peanuts? Just get on with it.
[Terry.]
All right.
All right.
Sharon, this is your moment to shine.
I want you to take this glass of very nutritious and easy-to-market SLUDG, and hand it to whoever it is you think killed Dr.
Pierce.
- [gasp.]
- Me? What? No.
This is outrageous.
Hey, what's going on here? Chief, we just figured out who killed Dr.
Pierce.
It was Dr.
Chen.
What exactly convinced you it was Dr.
Chen? Well, I felt that Dr.
Chen moved on pretty quickly to be engaged in one day, and didn't have any emotional bounce back.
She also has the ability to do it as a cardiothoracic surgeon and sew him up, and the head of the hospital does not have a motive.
She could just fire him for his troubles.
And while our anesthesiologist, of course, didn't like Dr.
Pierce's behavior, he had some benefits from that, so I felt that the spurned lover who seemed free of emotions in general.
She also said that he ripped her heart out and stomped on it, and that was the exact thing that happened to Dr.
Pierce.
Amazing.
[Rhonda.]
Amazing.
Amazing.
I agree, amazing.
You managed to get that completely [suspenseful music.]
- Wrong.
- Did I? Yes, the killer was obviously Dr.
Gonzalez.
- Aw.
- Yes, he's an anesthesiologist, but he made a point of saying that he had been trained as a surgeon.
You know what's super funny about that is I was gonna do surgery and I did the training and everything.
[Rhonda.]
And remember the coffee cup found at the crime scene? Not only did Gonzalez confirm he was a coffee drinker.
I haven't had my coffee today, clearly.
He had the exact same type of cup with him during your undercover surgery.
Obviously, it couldn't have been Dr.
Madison Chen.
She doesn't even drink coffee.
And the only stimulants I use these days are zumba and positive vibes.
And it wasn't Dr.
Alexander.
She's not a surgeon.
Her doctorate is in hospital administration.
It said it right on her name plate.
But the final nail in Dr.
Gonzalez's coffin was the classical music that was played during the murder.
Wait, do you hear that music? What's that music? That's Mozart's Requiem.
Dr.
Gonzalez was a big classical music fan.
How do we know? Because his ringtone was the same piece of music that was playing during the murder.
Oh, sorry.
Oh, my God.
I regret nothing.
Except getting caught.
[officer.]
Get back here! Dr.
Gonzalez's career has just been put to sleep.
Sharon Stone, you're fired.
Oh, thank God.
You know what? You did a great job, homicide trainee Sharon Stone.
Thank you.
And I'm sorry.
We may not have fallen in love - Mm.
- but at least we fell in like.
Aw, Detective Seattle.
What do you say we go out and you let me buy you a drink? Ah.
They're on me.
- [laughs.]
That sounds terrific.
Let's go.
- [phone rings.]
Terry Seattle.
Look, I told you not to shake it.
It's extremely unstable.
Well, call the fire department.
[Terry.]
I'd spent the day surrounded by patients clinging to life, and I realized I'd been clinging as well, but I'd been clinging to death.
I've been trying for 15 years to honor your legacy by finding your killer.
Now I realize the best way to honor your memory is to finally let you go.
Goodbye, Lori.
[phone rings.]
Hello? [man.]
I have something very important to tell you.
It's about Lori.
[ominous music building up.]
[Terry.]
On the next episode of Murderville.
Terry, this is your new partner, Ken Jeong.
- Hi.
- What are we ready to do? Unravel a vast conspiracy.
- Who are you? - Don't be alarmed.
I'm here to help.
I want you to gain his confidence and find out everything he knows before he murders you.
[laughs.]