Murphy Brown s11e10 Episode Script

Beat the Press

1 So that's our show for this morning.
Check in with us tomorrow.
When I'll be reporting on new alternatives to animal testing in the cosmetics industry.
I'll be recapping tonight's Presidential rally in Altoona, PA.
And I'll be taking a look at the troubled relationship President Trump has with our allies, Justin Trudeau and Emmanuel Macron.
That would make a good screwball comedy, wouldn't it? We could call it "Two Men and a Baby.
" And we're out.
And there goes our last Republican viewer.
[TELEPHONE RINGS] MILES: Just couldn't help yourself, could you, Murphy? Seconds from the end of a terrific show and you had to take a sarcastic swipe at the president.
I know, I know.
And I sort of regretted it the second it came out of my mouth.
But ever since this guy has been in the Oval Office, I've developed a kind of Tourette's.
Hey, Miles, you got a minute? - Sure.
- I have this idea.
Instead of reporting off the pool coverage of tonight's rally, I think I should go there myself.
I wish I could send you, but we're a new show.
- We don't have that in the budget.
- It's just that I really miss being out in the field.
I tell you what.
What if I drive up to Altoona? I'll cover all the expenses.
I could be back here tonight with an up close and personal story.
In-person coverage would be nice for a change.
And I'm willing to do this on my own dime because you can't put a price tag on good, old-fashioned boots on the ground reporting.
So, let me get this straight.
You're gonna drive two and a half hours, turn around, and come back the same night.
That's gonna run you, what? 28 bucks? I might eat a snack.
Okay, you can go.
But just this once.
Because it sets a bad precedent.
If Diana finds out we're financing our own coverage, she might start charging us for our own therapeutic massages.
[CHUCKLES] Yeah.
Hey, wait a minute.
The network is paying for What are you still doing here, Frank? Tick tock! Traffic on the Beltway! See you tomorrow! TRUMP: There has never been anything like what happened in November of '16.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] Remember that incredible night in November? Oh, for God's sakes.
It's been two years.
Give it a rest.
You know, I really wish you two crazy kids would work out your problems.
Have you considered couples therapy? No, it's too late.
It's over.
I got the house and the car.
- He got the hair spray.
- [LAUGHS] You know, your Uncle Frank is in here somewhere.
- He's covering the rally? - Yep.
And by the way, anybody catch Old Murphy - on TV this morning? - [CROWD BOOS] Oh, boy.
Here we go.
Yeah, she was at it again.
Sitting there with her flunky friends, telling their big lies, planting their fake stories about our great country.
[GASPS] Is that what you do? You paint a much different picture.
I hear Old Murphy's partner in crime, Fibbin' Frank Fontana is here tonight.
Where is he? There he is.
See him? That's right.
Let Fibbin' Frank know what you think of him! Maybe a good body slam, what do you say? Oh, I can't watch this garbage anymore.
[REMOTE CLICKING] Oh.
Here we go.
[CHUCKLES] - What is that? - "Hoarders"! Oh, my God.
People afraid of throwing stuff away wind up buried under mountains of their own garbage.
It destroys their lives.
It's brilliant.
This is coming from a woman who has a basement full of old T.
V.
Guides.
I haven't finished all the crosswords yet.
You know, it's a new Golden Age of Television, and this is what you choose to watch? [INHALES SHARPLY] Don't open the closet.
Oh, God, don't open the closet.
[TELEPHONE RINGING] What's happening? A social worker just found a dead raccoon under a monstrous pile of old sponges.
- And you didn't wake me up? - Ow.
[RINGING CONTINUES] Hello? Hello? [RINGING CONTINUES] Just because it has numbers on it, doesn't mean you can talk into it.
Hello? Oh, Miles.
Hey.
Avery and I are just sitting here Wha What? What? - [TELEVISION TURNS OFF] - Are you sure? What hospital? Okay.
Frank got hurt at the rally.
He's being airlifted back to Washington.
Okay, let's go.
Let's go.
I guess when you major in journalism these days, you have to minor in kickboxing.
AVERY: Hey, Uncle Frank.
Hey, guys.
What happened to you? I thought you knew how to duck.
You should see the other hundred guys.
- [CHUCKLES] - How bad do I look? Not bad, if you're a piñata.
So, I guess the takeaway here is, next time you cover a rally, hope the president doesn't give you a shout out.
When Trump left the stage, I decided to leave the press pen and go interview some of the people.
Next thing I know, I'm surrounded by a sea of red hats.
- Oh, God.
- No big deal.
I'm just milking this for the Jell-O and sponge baths.
Where is he? Where's my big hero Frank?! [GASPS] Oh, my God.
You look awful! Are you in pain? Uh, yeah.
The paramedic gave me a shot, but I think it wore off.
Okay, nurse, he needs another shot.
- It's not time yet.
- I don't think you heard me.
My friend is in pain, and he needs a shot now.
And he'll get one in a few hours.
A few hours is a few hours too late! The man is in pain.
He needs a shot! Did you hear me? Give him a shot.
Right now! A shot! Give him a shot! All right, I've seen the movie.
I'll give him the damn shot.
And then I might give you one.
- How long will it take to kick in? - Right away.
I got here as soon as I could.
I was in such a rush to park that I clipped the fender of a paramedics van and spent the last half-hour filling out an accident report in the emergency room driveway Watching one bloody heap on a gurney after another.
It was like the opening scene from "Saving Private Ryan.
" I'm a wreck.
Frank.
How you doing, buddy? Hello.
How do you think he's doing? He's got three broken ribs, a dislocated shoulder, and he almost lost an eye.
Am I on TV? - Where's Ron? - Who's Ron? My brother.
You don't have a brother, Uncle Frank.
What happened to him? What happened to Ron?! Oh, wow.
I-I saw some video of the attack on Twitter and got here as fast as I could.
I-I know we butt heads sometimes, Frank, but when stuff like this happens, it just makes you realize that we're family.
Ron? Just say yes.
He thinks he has a brother.
Hey bro.
You came! Of course I came.
You were always there for me growing up.
Remember when I told you I was gay? You didn't have to tell me.
I walked in on you.
Yes, and you were so supportive.
Not like Mom and Dad.
Mom came around eventually.
But not Dad.
Dad had to put on a macho front for all his factory buddies.
AVERY: That's enough sharing, Ron.
Let's let him get some rest.
Ironically, Dad had a dark secret of his own.
Okay, that's enough, Ron.
Silverberg.
Murphy.
Others.
Please, Frank, don't get up.
People say I'm not funny.
On behalf of the CNC family, I brought you this gift basket.
There's some candy, a roll of Fuji film, a round beach towel Not easy to find And a stuffed animal of some undetermined gender.
Santa.
May I say, I am deeply disturbed by the events that transpired, and I want you to take as much time as you need before coming back to work.
How long do you think that will be? - Um - Rhetorical.
I want to have you right back in that anchor chair before the media buzz and those bruises fade.
I'll pay you to give her a shot.
Uh, gang, why don't we let Frank get some sleep? We can come back tomorrow for another visit.
- Bye, Frank.
- Bye, Frank.
- Bye, Bro.
- Bye, Ron! Frank, I just wanted to say, this is all my fault.
I-I took that personal shot at the president on the air this morning, and now he hates you because he hates me.
Me and my big mouth.
Oh.
That's okay, Debbie.
I can find someone else to take to the prom.
It's just that I have to wash my hair.
I know I said I hope Frank's back in his chair soon, but I wouldn't mind taking care of him for just another few more days.
Maybe this sounds weird, but he's so weak and helpless right now, he's almost bald, I look at him and think, this is the closest I'll ever come to having a baby.
Miles, what are we doing to beef up security around here? The president's calling the press dangerous and sick.
I feel like we're all sitting ducks.
Too bad Robocop doesn't exist.
A hot, strong robot with no self-control Rarr.
Listen, you can talk about security all you want.
But really, all we need is this.
ALL: Oh! Corky, what the hell?! - Is that thing real?! - Of course it's real! But don't worry, the safety's on.
I'd like you all to meet Li'l Lucy.
I got her the day I turned 12 back in Louisiana.
Firearms for your birthday are a tradition in my family.
So is shooting out the candles, although, the older you get, the more you have to reload.
Corky, after all the stories we've done on gun control and the NRA I know, but I'm a responsible gun owner.
I have a permit.
I go to the shooting range once a month.
Do you carry that, her, with you all the time? No.
Mostly she's hidden away in my bedroom next to Big Eddie.
- You own a shotgun, too? - Big Eddie is not a gun.
Let's just say they both comfort me.
Rarr.
Well, look at you, Mr.
Reading the News, Mr.
Watching the News, Mr.
Making the News Hey, Avery, get on in here.
Well, Frank, I got to say you're looking better, looking a lot less like a, um rotting Jack-o'-lantern.
[CHUCKLES] Nice bedside manner.
Well, I wanted to let you know I went to church for you this morning.
You went to church? For me? - I did.
- [CHUCKLES] - You went to our church.
- I did.
- You went to Holy Cannoli.
- I did.
[LAUGHS] Two chocolate, two vanilla, just like you like it.
You remember the last time you brought me Holy Cannoli was after my ACL surgery in high school.
- You remember that? - That was the last time we did this? Oh, Holy Cannoli, blessed be thy ricotta filling.
- Mmm.
Mmm! - [LAUGHS] So, uh, listen.
I didn't just come by to deliver divine inspiration.
I actually wanted to talk to you about something.
Mm-hmm.
I can't stop thinking about what happened to you at the rally and how it's come to this, and I want to go back there.
I want to talk to the people that saw it, I want to talk to the people that stepped in to help [SIGHS] and I want to talk to the people that didn't.
We need answers, and I think my audience would like some answers, too.
I don't know.
It's still a pretty raw situation.
Look, I don't want what happened to me to happen to you.
I'm not worried.
I am a Wolf Network guy.
I think that offers me some protection in red hat country.
So you want my blessing? Yeah.
I guess I do.
Take my blessing.
Leave the cannoli.
[LAUGHS] Good morning, and welcome to "Avery Brown's America.
" I am at the Kozy Kafe in Altoona, Pennsylvania, near the arena where President Trump held a rally the other night where a reporter was seriously injured by an angry crowd.
I'm here to understand why.
Jenny, you were at the rally the other night.
Why don't you tell me what you saw? Well, one minute, the president was pointing at this poor guy Fibbin' Frank Fontana he called him And the next thing you know, all hell broke loose.
Yeah.
Those guys from that there CNC network, they never give the president a break.
It's all one-sided.
I like your network.
- They're one-sided, too.
- But it's my side.
- The true side.
- [SCOFFS] - [LAUGHS] - Excuse me, sorry.
Excuse me.
Didn't I see you on video coverage of the rally? You were there, right? I don't know, was I? Buddy, we don't want to be on TV.
You were the one that took the first swing at Frank Fontana.
And, full disclosure, he's practically my uncle.
Uncle? Huh.
Guess we're meeting the whole family.
- [LAUGHS] - Now, I-I'm just wondering.
How can you just punch someone for simply doing their job? He had it coming.
He's fake news.
He's the enemy of the people! He's a journalist.
He was just there to cover the rally.
That is what a free press does.
It's what separates a democracy from a dictatorship.
Although you know what? Maybe a dictatorship is what you'd prefer.
You know what I'd prefer? This! [ALL GASP] Mom, I'm fine.
You know, they put a real ice pack on it for, like, an hour at the E.
R.
Well, frozen peas are much better than a real ice pack.
Because? Because vegetables are good for you.
Duh.
You know, the irony is, my own network helped create this mob mentality.
And it turned around and punched me in the face.
[BAG CLATTERS] Oh, my God.
Look at that.
First Frank, and then my own kid.
I hate this.
You know, I tried to be as objective as possible in that interview, and I could feel myself starting to lose it.
I saw that interview.
You did absolutely nothing wrong.
I've been around a long time.
I saw the civil rights movement, Vietnam War, the culture wars of the '80s.
I've never seen the American people turn on the press the way they are now.
Well, we've got to dig in and fight it, right? What other choice is there? I have to believe that we can find our way back to normal.
What if this is the new normal? Corky, as Christmas approaches and the weather is turning colder, there seem to be more and more homeless people on the street.
It's true, Murphy.
According to the annual Homeless Assessment Report to Congress, the number of people without homes increased last year for the first time in seven years.
We have with us a representative from Housing and Urban Development, Mr.
Luther Williams.
Mr.
Williams, welcome to "Murphy in the Morning.
" - Thank you.
- I wonder if you could tell me why there has been such an increase in homelessness during this administration.
Well, actually, with modern life becoming so complicated, more people are deciding to live off the grid.
Are you saying that people are choosing to be homeless? No rent to pay, no real estate taxes, cable bills, Internet going out all the time.
[CHUCKLES] It's a simpler way of life.
Do you know what any rational person would think if they heard you say that? They would say, "Who doesn't hate their Internet provider?" Wait a minute.
Mr.
Williams, you're saying people would rather live under a bridge than in a house? It's like camping.
People like to camp.
Murphy? Well, um, as you know, homelessness has existed ever since I can remember.
It's not just during this particular administration, to be fair, and, um, we are going to continue this conversation when we come back.
[OUTRO MUSIC PLAYS] And we're in to commercial.
And where'd they find this brother? MILES: What was that all about? I thought you were about to go for the jugular.
I was, and then Frank and Avery's faces flashed in front of my eyes, and I pulled back.
Well, get a grip.
Because when we come back from commercial, you need to go full throttle.
Hammer this guy because he's an idiot and he deserves it.
Sitting here.
Hey, Frank, glad to see you back in the saddle.
Can't keep the good ones down.
Oh.
[LAUGHS] I could get used to this A party in my honor, adoring fans, - hero worship.
[LAUGHS] - [LAUGHS] Here you go, Frank.
Another Black and Blue.
Look at this! They're even naming drinks for me.
What's in this thing, anyway? Whatever cheap liquor I'm closest to.
[MILES LAUGHS] Give a drink a name, you can charge 15 bucks for it.
15 bucks? I've had three of them already.
For you, it's on the house.
This is the most business I've done since I took over the joint.
[CELLPHONE RINGS] Yes? This might be Miles Silverberg.
Who is this? Hello? He That's the fourth time today.
Someone keeps calling me, breathing heavily, - and hanging up.
- Is it Gloria in the mailroom? She resents that you make her send out your Hanukkah cards.
It's not Gloria! There's no caller ID.
This is making me very nervous.
I'm an executive producer of a major news show.
I could be a target.
Corky, do you have Li'l Lucy with you? Maybe.
Would you walk me to my car? You hear that? Now that he needs us, we're best friends.
PHYLLIS: Hey, everybody.
Last call! What do you think, Mr.
Party Animal? You ready to roll? Sure.
Unless you want to just hang for a couple more minutes.
I mean, we really didn't get a chance to talk at all tonight.
Sure.
Ah.
Great night, huh? [CHUCKLES] "You're coming back to work tomorrow, right, Frank?" "You're gonna be out in the field again soon, right, Frank?" [CHUCKLES] You're not ready, yet.
Right, Frank? 'Cause if you're not, no one would blame you.
Hey.
I've been in scary situations before.
Remember Libya? Yeah, you were roughed up pretty well there, too.
But I filed that away under "bad stuff that can only happen in another country.
" But I'm home, Murph.
This is America, and I don't feel safe here anymore.
You know, we spent the last five days in the hospital room.
Never during that time did I have any idea you were afraid.
If this is the way it's gonna be I-I'm not so sure I want to do it anymore.
It's a different profession.
No one would ever call Huntley or Brinkley enemies of the people.
And the worst part is, the other morning on the air You soft-peddled that interview.
I saw it.
I can't believe I did that.
I mean, what happens the next time I get ahold of a big story that someone in a position of power might not like? Hey, you guys, closing time.
- Okay.
- [SIGHS] Thanks, Phyllis.
This party is exactly what the doctor ordered.
Bye, Phyllis.
See you tomorrow.
Just because I didn't charge you for your drinks, doesn't mean you can't tip.
Sometimes I forget who I'm talking to.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 30 seconds to air.
Last looks! MILES: A couple of updates on our lead story.
Make yourselves familiar.
Ah, the Mueller investigation.
Right back in the line of fire.
So much for dipping our toe in the water.
Just a big old cannonball into the pool.
JULIUS: 10 seconds.
Good show, everyone.
It's what we do.
In five, four, three, two