My Babysitter's a Vampire (2011) s01e01 Episode Script

Lawn of the Dead

[Background chatter.]
Think about it dude! Anything we want.
Cash.
Cars.
Candy.
So you only use magic spells for stuff that starts with 'c'? Once we were lowly high school noobs.
Now we're vampire killing, spell-casting rock stars! The world is our oyster.
Have you ever actually had oysters? Not something you want to swallow— more like something you'd cough up.
Yeah, nice.
Nice image to start the day.
There's the image I need! [Angel music.]
I know you're the "see-er" and all, but I can see her with me.
Keep the magic on the down low— remember? Life just got back to normal.
Would you relax? I got this.
- Can I talk to you? - Hey, how goes it? What's new? Can I borrow $20, friend? It's for a good cause.
$20? Like now? Um [Crying in the background.]
Awesome news— Della's dog died! And that's good news? - Yeah.
- Nice.
Gotta go.
Later.
She said she loved my flowers.
And then she said she'd do anything to bring her dog back.
- Anything! - Yeah.
What if somebody magically brought her dog back? Can you imagine how grateful she'd be? No! No, Benny— You cannot bring her dead dog back to life! - Won't know until we try, right? - Benny! Stop! If Harry Potter were here he'd smack you around! She's the girl next door Nice, but not in a heart that's pure She's the girl next door Just for me What you get is what you see No more maybe it's may believe She can give you Everything you need She's the girl next door Nice, but not in a heart that's pure She's the girl next door Just for me [Benny.]
: Hey Grandma I was just wondering if there's any magic that can bring, say, a small animal back from the dead? Why are you asking me that? [Benny.]
Uh, it's for a report at school.
- Uh-huh - See? Those crazy wrinkles are hiding something— I know it.
Benny maybe you should just conjure up a bracelet for this girl? I mean, reanimating a dead dog is overkill.
No— it's underkill.
'Cause the dog would be un-killed.
Duh! You don't even know how to do it.
No, but I know where to find the answers: Grandma's secret shelf.
Secret shelf? My bad feeling just got 10% more bad.
[Knocking at the door.]
Hey guys.
Ethan, dinner's almost ready.
What's that aroma? Did Jane melt one of her dolls again? [Short laugh.]
Actually, Ethan's dad is having a very, very important client over for dinner this Friday.
So I'm testing some recipes from TV's Greatest Chefs: And this is kelp and kimchi ratatouille.
You want to try a sample? Mmm.
Yum.
Uh I have to go.
Honey? Come on.
Mmm.
Can you do me a favor and tell Sarah I won't need her Friday night.
Because we're going to be having our gourmet dinner.
Okay, cool.
I'm sure she'll be thrilled to have a Friday night off.
What?! So now I can't even get babysitting money? Great! Perfect! Why do you need money all of a sudden? Forget it.
I still have some other options.
[Sighing.]
See ya.
So, how is your little pet nerd? Oh, you know— nerdy.
Look, the reason I wanted to talk to you is that— Ah! You changed your mind about flying down to the city this weekend? I knew it! We are gonna tear it up! Erica, you know fledglings can't fly.
Not for free.
Which is why I need to ask you Can I borrow some money? I'll pay you back.
Money? If you would just wake up and smell the platelets, then you can take whatever you want and whoever you want.
- I understand.
But I just thought— - But-but.
In Fangs we trust.
All others pay cash! [Background chatter.]
Ah! My food's here.
Call me when you're ready.
[Soft growl.]
Hey— I got your text.
What's up? I took these from Grandma's secret shelf.
How do you know which vial has the potion to bring a dog back? I thought you might use a vision to see which one is the 'bring-back-to-life juice'.
[Ethan sighing.]
Come on, E! Help reunite a fair maiden with her beloved pet.
One touch.
Tuh - Okay.
- Yes! Okay now, focus.
[Squawking.]
- This: Angry birds.
- Right on.
This one: Gross hair on your fingernails.
- Cool.
- This— this one's it.
- But— - Sweet! Della's dead dog thanks you.
Wish me luck: I have a long road ahead.
And a pooch to summon from the dead.
Engage! Benny! Benny! Wait! Benny Ugh! Boo! [Startled yell.]
Don't do that! I was working on my Ninja skills.
Check out my new card.
What's that mean? Rory— Vampire Ninja.
Ugh! Look, Benny's gone to Della's, and I don't know where she lives.
- Do you? - No.
But I know a sure way to find out -Air Rory.
- Aah! [Crickets chirping.]
[Calling by a whistle.]
Here dead dog.
Here boy.
[Calling by a whistle.]
"Beloved Puffles: In loving memory.
" Bingo! I have an afterlife wake-up call for one Puffles the Dead Dog.
Aah! Wait! [Moaning.]
Ethan do not sneak up on a dude who's awakening the dead! Keep it down.
Come on, let's go before you do something stupid.
I mean, more stupid.
Too late.
Already did.
Nothing happened.
I— [Both screaming.]
Boo-ya! [Sighing.]
Rory, I don't care how undead you are, you do that again, I'll kill you.
To kill Vampire Ninja, you must first find.
Vampire Ninja! Vampire Ninja, you— All right.
That was kinda cool— in a way.
Potion had no effect at all.
- Maybe your vision was wrong.
- My visions are never wrong.
But I think your grandma was right.
We shouldn't mess with the forces of life and death.
[Whimpering.]
Do you hear that? No way! Puffles! - It's alive! - Shh! Benny! Whoa! [Whimpering.]
Whoa! That is the sweet sound of Benny scoring a date with Della! Okay— you did it.
He's alive.
Let's go before someone sees us.
What? No, she has to know I saved him.
I want to surprise her at school tomorrow.
[Puffles whimpering.]
[Barking and growling.]
- Okay, we have to go.
- Yeah.
— Now! [Puffles whimpering.]
- Benny! Benny, come on! - Puffles? Can we put Puffles in your garage just until morning? Grandma cannot find out.
What will I tell my parents if they find 'Dog of the Undead'? - You'll think of something! - Ugh! You might want to leave out the part about it being dead earlier though.
Yeah, thanks.
Just promise me this is the last time you raise anything from the grave.
Look, take it.
I swear on my Jedi honor, Puffles is the only animal I will ever bring back from the dead.
It better be! Good morning, Puffle Pooch.
[Growling.]
You feelin' a little less dead? Aah! [Background chatter.]
Man, I'm telling you, this feels wrong.
That dog isn't just undead.
He's evil! He tried to eat my hand this morning.
Why? Didn't you feed him? [Dog growling.]
No.
Sorry, I didn't have any Dead Dog Chow lying around! There's Della! When she sees Puffles, she will be all over me! Wish me luck.
[Dog growling.]
Just tell me: What are you and dumber-you up to this time? What? Nothing.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I know your work when I see it.
I was trying out for a new sales job [Growling.]
Aah! Look, all I did was help Benny, um, "rescue" an innocent girl's dog Puffles? Puffles! [Growling.]
What are you doing? Puffles, what's wrong with you? [Screaming.]
Wait! Puffles! [Screaming.]
Oh! She didn't even say thank you! Ugh! Coincidence? Look, I can explain.
Hey, what is up? What happened to you? Weirdest thing.
Last night I went out for a crunchy critter snack, but this time, the snack fought back! I think it was possessed.
You don't need bandages, remember? Vampires can heal themselves.
Yo! Fingers grow back fast! Sweet! High five! Did you guys do what I think you guys did? Raise dead animals from the grave to get a girl's attention? Unbelievable.
[Dog growling.]
[Screaming.]
Benny! Get him off!— Benny - Get him off! - Attention all students! Due to recent outbreaks of rabid animal attacks, we ask you to return to your homes and remain indoors.
As of now, all classes are cancelled until further notice.
[Catching their breath.]
Phew! Is it me or did that chipmunk look about ready to eat our eyeballs? I think it's time we called in a little magical backup.
What? N-no! If Grandma finds out, who knows what she'll do to me? Listen, if the potion did cause this, then it'll probably just run out of gas.
- I'm sure the worst is over.
- This is a special news bulletin.
All over Whitechapel, reports are coming in of bizarre small animal attacks.
[Reporter moaning.]
That's Tiberius! - No! - Yeah! But that's crazy.
He ran away when you were, like, 8.
You and I need have to talk with your grandma— now.
C-couldn't we just email her? I mean Ah! Hi, Grandma! Something you twits want to tell me? First we brew enough anti-potion to douse all those demon critters you created.
All I did was spill a few drops where the dog was buried! A few drops is far too much! But why are they so evil? You reanimated the bodies but the souls had moved on.
And a body with no soul is a demon's playground.
Even if this brew works, how are we going to track down all the undead critters? Right.
Here.
Once the demons hear this enchanted flute, they'll come running, but you better be ready.
Don't worry, Grandma.
I will not fail you! Not you, Einstein.
I need you here to help me with this brew.
Ethan can do it.
Start at the site of the spill, and then work your way back here.
Wait— tonight's my dad's dinner with his new client.
Mom will kill me if I miss it.
Well, if he can't do it, and I can't do it, then who's gonna play the stupid magic flute? What's your little blond friend up to? She's right.
This sounds like a job for [Together.]
: Vampire Ninja! [Crickets chirping.]
[Doorbell.]
Sarah! What are you doing here? - Oh great, they're here.
- What's with the waiter outfit? Your mom called me in a panic.
And she offered double my babysitting rate.
Totally rockin' the sweater vest, Mister.
Stylish, yet stupid.
Fine, but there goes your tip.
All right, we are locked and loaded with anti-potion.
- And Rory's on his way.
- Good.
When he leads the critters back, we'll take position in your backyard and let 'em have it.
All right, and SweaterVest, can you tell the waitress I'll have a decaf triple mocha latte— no foam? - Uh - Ethan, I need you to come and meet our guests.
Sarah, could you bring out the hors d'oeuvres now, please? Yes ma'am! Everybody, this is our son Ethan.
Hi.
Della and I have met— kinda.
Hey, Della.
Did the dog come back? [Crying.]
She's been worked up all week.
Every dog she sees is Puffles.
Oh, I'm so sorry! That's so sad.
[Flute music.]
What, uh, what is that? Oh, just a little dinner music.
Rory's here and he looks happy about something.
That's never good.
Rory, what'd you do? - How come I can still hear the music? - I had an inspiration! Why shred my primo lips when I could just record the tune and play it back on a loop? No flute required! So where's the player? I landed on the roof to look for you guys, and then there was this psycho squirrel, and I kinda dropped it down the chimney.
- What?— The chimney? - Hey, relax.
I know a way to get it back.
When Santa comes— Rory, shut up! You know the rules about plans involving Santa.
So now that music's in the house, which means [Girl screaming.]
Della! Are you okay? I felt something.
On my leg! [Moaning in effort.]
Gotcha! I mean, got your next course! Coming right up! [Growling and squealing.]
Okay, we have to keep it down! My [Animal sounds.]
It's like Snow White and her little forest friends.
The evil undead! Ha-ha! [Moaning and growling.]
Whoa, this is not good! This is awesome! Ah! Try them with the clam sauce! [Banging sound.]
[Laughter.]
That's hilarious! - Hey, dad.
- Hey, I thought I heard a loud bang.
Dad! No, hey, now that our guests have settled in, time to wow 'em with your new sales pitch! My new pitch? The Top 10 Fun Facts about Insurance? - You think? - Yeah, that's it.
Go for it.
[Growling.]
Yeah.
What was that for?! Just some hare on your back.
Now, I told my mom I'd get the Parmesan.
[Growling.]
Puffles! Aaah! Ethan! [Soft ambiance music.]
[Moaning and growling.]
[Whimpering.]
Puffles? - Benny! - Goodbye, Puffles! [Sarah.]
: Eew! His collar! - Sarah, I'm gonna need this sauce right now, okay? - Mom! Mom, wait! - What?— I'll get it.
- Let go, I've got it.
Let go! Puffles, is that you? Aah! Puffles? [Gasping.]
Yeah, that's him.
- Kinda.
- Oh! Della, wait! I can explain! [Della crying.]
Not right now, but I'll think of something.
Ethan, you better have a good explanation for this! [Sighing.]
Phew! Huh! Demon critters: done.
[Moaning in effort.]
Sweater vest— gone.
[Knocking at the door.]
Come on in, Rory.
[Gasping.]
Tiberius, my old friend.
I should have known you'd show up last.
Take the shot! He's evil! Get him! I can't! [Growling.]
Fine, I'll do it! What— What happened here? Uh Food fight? I should have known Tiberius never ran away.
When he died, my folks buried him in the field where I found him, behind Della's place.
Speaking of which— have you talked to Della? Our courtship is on hold.
At least until she gets out of counseling.
What about Grandma? Did she think of a punishment? Tada! Guess who finally got their license? And my aunt gave me her old car.
Ah! The hard part was saving up enough for insurance.
But your dad gave me a great deal.
Yeah.
He's the best.
Boo! [Guys screaming.]
Rory, this Vampire Ninja stuff has to stop, or Okay, how'd he do that? Don't care.
Let's just get outta here before he comes back.
Come on.
[Short laugh.]
She's the girl next door Nice, but not in a heart that's pure She the girl next door Just for me
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