NewsRadio (1995) s03e07 Episode Script
Daydream
Why's it so hot in here? Oh, the thermostat's broken, but Joe's workin' on it.
Yeah, he's probably rewired it so it's getting the Playboy Channel by now.
What were you saying? Our ratings suck.
Well, no, no, I wouldn't say that.
I Oh, yeah? Then what would you say? Well, I would say that, you know, due to the idiosyncracies of the current economic climate and the increased competition for a shrinking listener pool, that our Our ratings suck.
Here you go.
Iced coffee.
Oh, well, thank you, sweetheart.
Isn't that nice? [BETH GIGGLES.]
Oh.
Guess I left them in the freezer too long.
I'm sorry.
Oh, sorry, guys.
That's all right.
That's all right.
We're all a little distracted by this heat.
I know.
It's hot.
It's just I don't think it's the heat so much as the fact I spent last night at Matthew's place.
No.
Oh, no, no.
No, no no.
It's just that we stayed up all night, till six in the morning, watching scary movies.
And why would you wanna do that? Because I'd never seen one before.
You never saw a scary movie? No.
My parents let me watch The Wizard of Oz when I was 5, and it gave me nightmares.
Oh, right.
The wicked witch.
No, Dorothy.
For years, I was convinced that a house was gonna fall out of the sky and crush me and that some farm girl was gonna come along and steal my flashy red shoes.
Dave? Will do.
Come on, Beth.
Come here.
Huh? Come here.
Come on.
It's okay.
Dave, I'm so hot.
No, no.
It's okay.
Everything's gonna be fine.
Thank you, Dave.
Dave, remember when I hired you, I promised I'd never tinker with your creative decisions? Ah, yes, I do remember that.
You do? Mm-hm.
Damn! I was hopin' you'd forget that because I have a great idea to boost our ratings.
Aw.
Ah! Oops.
Sorry.
Matthew, we're a little busy right now.
Got the perfect way to beat the heat.
Good for you, but we're a little busy right now.
Take your shoes off.
You soak 'em in water.
You put 'em in the freezer for about an hour, and they feel great.
Mm-hm.
Right.
But doesn't that mean your shoes are all icy? Yeah.
That's the point.
Why? Oh.
[SHOES SLIDING.]
Why do you do it to me, Dave? [.]
Ah All right, I know it's hard to concentrate with this heat.
JOE: I'm workin' on it.
Joe is working on it.
Now, as I'm sure you're all aware, our drivetime hour ratings are in the toilet, so, uh Look, is anybody listening to me? What? Because our ratings are terrible in drivetime, Mr.
James has decided to replace the hour of news and traffic with an old-time radio series.
Well, as long as our ratings are good.
No, our ratings are not good.
That's why Mr.
James has decided to change the schedule.
Dave, if you're gonna change the drivetime schedule, you really should clear it with Mr.
James.
During drivetime, instead of news and traffic, we will be airing Fone Bone's Follies.
A cavalcade of sketch comedy and big band jazz from 1932.
Could we wrap this up? It's almost drivetime, and unless someone's changed the schedule, Bill and I have to go do news and traffic.
There will be no news and traffic.
At drivetime, we will be airing Fone Bone's Follies.
No news and traffic? What are we gonna air during drivetime hour? Look, what if I was to say, whoever comes up with the best idea to improve our drivetime ratings gets 10 thousand dollars? ALL: What? I'm not saying that, but let's act like I did, okay? All right, let's meet back here in an hour with some ideas.
All right? And, Joe, please JOE: I'm workin' on it.
Okay, so now you're just letting Mr.
James change the schedule whenever he wants? In this case, yes.
Well, he can't interfere with our operations-- I agree.
Why don't you do something.
Well, because the only way to teach him this lesson is to let him have whatever he wants and wait for it to fail.
No.
I think that the only way is to just tell him that-- No.
No, no, no, no.
You see, it's-- It's like in judo.
When the big man comes at the small man with all of his force, it's the wise small man who steps aside.
Yes, but if the big man steps aside also, then Then Then? Then the Then Then what? The small man is gonna Is gonna what? What is the small--? What? What is--? What? Never mind.
You know, this is how it starts.
You know, first they tinker with this, and then they tinker with that, and before you know it you are broadcasting live from some spring break bikini beach party, which you probably would enjoy, but it's-- Oh, Bill [.]
My entire life up till now has been merely prelude to this wonderful moment.
I, too, have been watching you from afar with a longing in my heart.
But we mustn't.
It is taboo.
My temptation must not be denied.
Love is, indeed, a heady elixir.
Mm, not love, Bill Lust.
Pure animal lust with no emotional ramifications or entanglements whatsoever.
Bill, are you listening to me? Yes.
Of course.
I'm sorry, I must have been daydreaming.
Oh, what about? Winning the lottery.
Mm.
Have you seen Lisa? No.
Huh? I mean, not recent-- Not around-- I don't know.
Joe, Yeah, I almost got it fixed, Dave.
Now-- Look, Joe, why don't you just call in a specialist.
I am a specialist.
At what? At everything.
Look, this is no reflection on your abilities or lack thereof, but if you can't get this thing working within the next half-hour-- [REMOTE BEEPS.]
[REMOTE BEEPS.]
You were saying, Dave? That you should take your time, Joe.
Because you know more about this and everything else than I do.
Hm.
Thanks, chief.
No Thank you, Lord Joe, master of all things mechanical and human alike.
Hm.
That's great.
Can you get me a soda? I hear and I obey, Joe.
DAVE: Joe? Are you listening to me? Huh? Oh.
Um.
I'm fixin' it, all right? You're just sittin' on your toolbox, staring into space.
Now, just please focus.
Get this fixed, all right? Hey, could you get me a soda? Get your own soda.
[DRILLING.]
[ON RADIO.]
F.
D.
R.
? More like F.
D.
aren't.
WOMAN: Fone Bone, you're a maroon.
[WHISTLE NOISE.]
[CLICKS RADIO OFF.]
Um, what was that you were saying earlier about judo? Oh, that when the big man comes at the small man with all of his force, it is the wise small man that steps aside.
Yeah.
But at the end of the match, one man is small and wise, the other is big and wiser.
Uh B-but BETH: Are you listening to me? What? I said, Dave's not busy.
You can go on in.
Right.
Thank you.
Okay.
What was it you were saying earlier about judo? What? Yeah, the metaphor you used about the big man, small man Oh, right.
Right.
That, uh when the big man comes at the small man with all of his might, it's the wise small man that steps aside.
Yes, but at the end of the match, one man is small and wise.
The other man is big and wiser.
Yes.
The big man is wiser.
Wise enough never to come at the small man again.
What? What? No But if the big man is wise Is.
Yes, wiser.
If the big man is wiser.
Yes.
Then Then? Then he what? What? Screw it.
What is it? What are you trying to say? Beth? Beth? [IN DEEP VOICE.]
Hey, could I borrow your stapler? Beth? Yeah.
Yeah, Dave? Yeah? Are you listening to me? Yeah.
Yeah.
I was just I asked you to tell the staff that I want their ideas in writing within half an hour.
Yeah, I heard you the first time, Dave.
Heat must really be getting to you, huh? Dave wants the ratings ideas, in writing, in a half an hour, okay, Bill? Okay, Bill? [.]
Oh, Bill my whole life until now was merely pre-la-pl-- How's it pronounced? Prelude.
[BREATHES IN.]
My whole life until now was merely prelude to this wonderful moment.
You are the only one I've ever had eyes for, my sweet.
But we mustn't.
It is taboo.
You have a tattoo? No, not tattoo.
Taboo.
You know, as in forbidden.
Taboo! Oh! Because I thought you said tattoo, and then I thought that would be so cool-- Please, my little confection.
While we chit and chat, there is love to be made.
Mm.
Tell me about it.
So how do you like it, big boy? Without conversation.
Bill! Sorry.
I must have been daydreaming.
That's okay.
What were you daydreaming about? Winning the lottery again.
Oh, you won the lottery? Not yet, my sweet.
My sweet.
Ooh-kay.
Ratings ideas.
In writing.
In a half an hour.
I'm on it.
Ratings ideas, in writing, in a half an hour.
I said thanks for letting me borrow your stapler.
Oh Yeah.
Sure.
Anytime.
[WHISPERS.]
Man.
[SIGHS.]
[.]
I said, do you want your stapler back? No, it's okay.
You can just leave it on my desk.
You wanna come over and see more scary movies? No, uh, I mean, may-- maybe some-- I just I need to get I just need to get a little sleep, is all.
Hey, I hear that.
Dave needs the ratings ideas, in writing, in a half an hour.
All right, honey, when I finish my lunch.
Okay.
Looks like you could use a little company.
Oh, I sure could.
Have a seat.
So how's it goin'? Another day, another dollar.
Mm.
Hey, where's Shaniqua? I haven't seen her lately.
Oh, she's been working really hard, but she said she'd try to drop by for lunch.
Hey, Catherine.
Hey, Shaniqua.
How ya doin'? Hey.
All right.
Look who I brought with me.
Toshiro and Mohammed.
Aw! Hey.
Well, it sure is nice to work in an office that has a few people of color in it.
ALL: Yeah.
You know the last office I worked in? Mm.
Wall-to-wall white people, child.
Oh, now come on.
No, no.
Now, I'm not putting them down.
It's just-- I know.
You've got to start wondering what happened to equal opportunity when you the only brother.
Or sister.
Or sister in the place.
Exactly.
ALL: Mm-hm.
Yeah.
MAN: Catherine? I said you look like you could use a little company.
Oh.
I'd be delighted, Eric.
Oh, great.
Thanks.
Hey, guys, she said it's okay.
Come on in.
Hey.
Hey, did anybody see Friends last night? [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
I brought you a soda, Joe.
Thanks.
Hang on a second.
I brought you a soda, Joe.
Yeah, thanks.
I brought you a soda, Joe.
I brought-- I brought-- I brought you a soda, Joe.
All right, gang.
Looks like it's naptime.
[REMOTE BEEPING.]
Matthew? Get the handcart and take these droids back to the lab.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, when are you gonna turn me into a robot? Well, the parts come this weekend.
Excellent.
Thanks, master.
BETH: Joe, Huh? Dave needs an ETA on the thermostat.
Oh, well, tell him I'm workin' on it as hard as I can.
Okay Hey, can you get me a soda? [LAUGHS.]
Get you a soda.
Bill, staff meeting.
Bill! Staff meeting! VOICE: Hi.
Hey.
Bill's asleep.
Forever.
But I'll play with you.
[.]
BILL: Beth, what's wrong? I woke, you were staring at me.
Scared me.
Oh, sorry.
I was just going to tell you it's-- It's time for our staff meeting, Bill.
[ELEVATOR DINGS.]
[.]
My whole life till this point was merely prelude to this wonderful moment.
What is your name? Jeanette.
Jeanette DeChapeau.
It's French.
JEANETTE: Sir? Yes? I was asking if Henderson Accounting is on this floor? Oh.
No, they're up on 37.
Thank you.
[ELEVATOR DINGS.]
Uh, miss, I don't wanna seem too forward, but what's your name? Jeanette.
Bill.
I'm not gonna tell you again.
Staff meeting.
Staff meeting.
Okay! Okay!! Oh, my God.
Well, nice of you to join us, Bill.
Sorry I'm late, everyone.
I wasmeditating.
You were sleeping.
Right.
And Gandhi was just a lazy little goof who slept about 18 hours a day.
All right, everybody, I know this heat is excruciating.
JOE: I'm workin' on it! So let's just try to focus on these ideas for improving the ratings, shall we? Good idea.
All right.
Well, what do we have? Well, I-- This looks short, but I singled-spaced.
So there's actually a lot.
Oh.
That's great.
Here.
I wrote mine longhand, but there are about And I put mine on notecards.
Pick out the ones you like.
Terrific.
I went a little bit overboard.
Oh, whoa.
Wow.
All right.
Oh.
Oh.
Yeah, where were we? You were just saying that we should try to focus while we go over the ratings ideas.
Right.
All right.
Uh, So Well, what do we got? Well, I actually wrote something down.
Hm? It's on a napkin, but "Get better ratings.
" It's more of a jumping-off point, rather than a solution.
I'm sorry.
Well, I know nobody wants to think about the ratings.
That we all find it odious in the extreme to be pandering to the lowest common denominator, but the fact remains: our ratings suck, and unless we can come up with-- Howie! Hey, how are ya? ALL: Howie! Hey, everybody.
BETH: How are you? Good to see you.
Good to see you.
Boy, it's It's hot enough to boil an egg in here.
Yeah, I think maybe a snack break would help us focus, So Hey! Do you have any cinnamon rolls? Oh, yeah.
Saved one special for you, Dave.
Oh, thank you, Howie.
Hey, Howie, how's your wife? Oh, she's good.
Yeah.
But, oh, you're not gonna believe this.
Yeah, she wants to get another cat.
No.
What? That's, like, five cats.
No.
That's, like, six, Howie.
Seven.
Seven cats.
You've got the life I want.
But I-- I gotta admit The-- The little rascals do grow on you.
Oh Cute and fluffy.
DAVE: Yes? Oh! Yeah.
Does-- Does anybody want a snack? Um, donuts, cinnamon roll? Um Well, apparently not, but thanks, anyway.
Well, any time.
Boy, it's-- It's hot enough to boil an egg in here, huh? Mm-hm.
Yep.
Well, we'll see you tomorrow.
Okay, Harry? Yeah, okay.
[SIGHS.]
All right, now.
Does anybody have any useful ideas? Yes, I've got one, but it involves standing up to Jimmy and telling him exactly how much damage Fone Bone's Follies has done to our journalistic integrity.
Lisa, I tried to explain this to you.
Well, tell it to them.
See if they can understand.
All right, I was telling Lisa that it's like judo.
When the big man comes at the small with all his force, it is the wise small man who steps aside.
Yes, but if the small man is so wise, then why is he so small? [SIGHS.]
Well CATHERINE: Lisa Lisa! Lisa! Lisa! Lisa! Lisa! [.]
DAVE: Lisa! If the small man is so wise, then why is he so small? What? Is that a riddle? I'm good at riddles.
Tell it again.
DAVE: Okay.
Meeting's over.
Bill, do you have a moment? For what? What do you think? DAVE: Matthew? Ooh.
Yeah? Meeting's over.
You can go back to sleeping at your own desk now.
BILL: What do you mean your mug? I don't see your name on it.
Can't you two stop fighting long enough to realize how much you love each other? [BEEPING.]
Dave needs to know if it's fixed yet.
Movement.
Signal's clean.
Ten meters.
Nine meters.
Which direction? They're everywhere.
Eight meters.
Seven meters.
They found a way in.
There's something we missed.
Something under the floor.
It's not in the plans.
Four meters.
Three meters.
No, that can't be! That's inside the room! [GROWLING.]
[WARPED VOICE.]
I still have your stapler! Ahh! MATTHEW: Beth? Beth! Ah! Oh Oh Oh, it's you.
What's the problem? Oh, it's nothing.
It's just I think those movies we watched really got to me and it's just so-- It's so hot.
I don't know.
JOE: Beth? Yo, Beth.
Thermostat's fixed.
What? Oh.
Okay.
Cool.
What're you dreamin' about? I was dreaming about Matthew.
Oh Not like that.
Ew! MAN [ON RADIO.]
: And so, to all of us here-- Okay, what the hell is this? Fone Bone's Follies, as you requested.
Dave, I was just trying to make a point here.
I didn't want you to actually put this crap on the radio! Well, I-I What the hell were you thinking? Well, it's Well, it's like judo, sir.
When the big man comes at the small man-- Screw the small judo man.
What? I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
It's just me.
I shouldn't be screami'' at you.
It's just this damn heat, you know? I know.
I know what you mean.
I'm sorry, too, sir.
Damn.
Oh, that's it.
Ah Hey, Dave, what'd the Dow close at today? Six thousand and twenty.
Six thousand and twenty? Yeah.
Oh.
Sir? Yep? Oh, I'm-- I'm sorry, Dave.
Ah.
I'm sorry.
Hey, Dave, what-- What'd the Dow close at today? Uh, well, let's check.
Six thousand and thirty.
Six thousand and thirty? Mm-Hm.
Nah.
Ahh I rewired all the air conditioning to blow through this one vent till we cool off.
DAVE: Good work, Joe.
BETH: Was anybody else having really weird daydreams today? ALL: Yeah.
Real weird.
Lisa.
Home.
How was work? Good.
Topped off the eighteenth floor.
So how was he today? Give you any trouble? Nope.
He just sits there all day long staring into that thing.
I wonder what he sees in there? [.]
Yeah, he's probably rewired it so it's getting the Playboy Channel by now.
What were you saying? Our ratings suck.
Well, no, no, I wouldn't say that.
I Oh, yeah? Then what would you say? Well, I would say that, you know, due to the idiosyncracies of the current economic climate and the increased competition for a shrinking listener pool, that our Our ratings suck.
Here you go.
Iced coffee.
Oh, well, thank you, sweetheart.
Isn't that nice? [BETH GIGGLES.]
Oh.
Guess I left them in the freezer too long.
I'm sorry.
Oh, sorry, guys.
That's all right.
That's all right.
We're all a little distracted by this heat.
I know.
It's hot.
It's just I don't think it's the heat so much as the fact I spent last night at Matthew's place.
No.
Oh, no, no.
No, no no.
It's just that we stayed up all night, till six in the morning, watching scary movies.
And why would you wanna do that? Because I'd never seen one before.
You never saw a scary movie? No.
My parents let me watch The Wizard of Oz when I was 5, and it gave me nightmares.
Oh, right.
The wicked witch.
No, Dorothy.
For years, I was convinced that a house was gonna fall out of the sky and crush me and that some farm girl was gonna come along and steal my flashy red shoes.
Dave? Will do.
Come on, Beth.
Come here.
Huh? Come here.
Come on.
It's okay.
Dave, I'm so hot.
No, no.
It's okay.
Everything's gonna be fine.
Thank you, Dave.
Dave, remember when I hired you, I promised I'd never tinker with your creative decisions? Ah, yes, I do remember that.
You do? Mm-hm.
Damn! I was hopin' you'd forget that because I have a great idea to boost our ratings.
Aw.
Ah! Oops.
Sorry.
Matthew, we're a little busy right now.
Got the perfect way to beat the heat.
Good for you, but we're a little busy right now.
Take your shoes off.
You soak 'em in water.
You put 'em in the freezer for about an hour, and they feel great.
Mm-hm.
Right.
But doesn't that mean your shoes are all icy? Yeah.
That's the point.
Why? Oh.
[SHOES SLIDING.]
Why do you do it to me, Dave? [.]
Ah All right, I know it's hard to concentrate with this heat.
JOE: I'm workin' on it.
Joe is working on it.
Now, as I'm sure you're all aware, our drivetime hour ratings are in the toilet, so, uh Look, is anybody listening to me? What? Because our ratings are terrible in drivetime, Mr.
James has decided to replace the hour of news and traffic with an old-time radio series.
Well, as long as our ratings are good.
No, our ratings are not good.
That's why Mr.
James has decided to change the schedule.
Dave, if you're gonna change the drivetime schedule, you really should clear it with Mr.
James.
During drivetime, instead of news and traffic, we will be airing Fone Bone's Follies.
A cavalcade of sketch comedy and big band jazz from 1932.
Could we wrap this up? It's almost drivetime, and unless someone's changed the schedule, Bill and I have to go do news and traffic.
There will be no news and traffic.
At drivetime, we will be airing Fone Bone's Follies.
No news and traffic? What are we gonna air during drivetime hour? Look, what if I was to say, whoever comes up with the best idea to improve our drivetime ratings gets 10 thousand dollars? ALL: What? I'm not saying that, but let's act like I did, okay? All right, let's meet back here in an hour with some ideas.
All right? And, Joe, please JOE: I'm workin' on it.
Okay, so now you're just letting Mr.
James change the schedule whenever he wants? In this case, yes.
Well, he can't interfere with our operations-- I agree.
Why don't you do something.
Well, because the only way to teach him this lesson is to let him have whatever he wants and wait for it to fail.
No.
I think that the only way is to just tell him that-- No.
No, no, no, no.
You see, it's-- It's like in judo.
When the big man comes at the small man with all of his force, it's the wise small man who steps aside.
Yes, but if the big man steps aside also, then Then Then? Then the Then Then what? The small man is gonna Is gonna what? What is the small--? What? What is--? What? Never mind.
You know, this is how it starts.
You know, first they tinker with this, and then they tinker with that, and before you know it you are broadcasting live from some spring break bikini beach party, which you probably would enjoy, but it's-- Oh, Bill [.]
My entire life up till now has been merely prelude to this wonderful moment.
I, too, have been watching you from afar with a longing in my heart.
But we mustn't.
It is taboo.
My temptation must not be denied.
Love is, indeed, a heady elixir.
Mm, not love, Bill Lust.
Pure animal lust with no emotional ramifications or entanglements whatsoever.
Bill, are you listening to me? Yes.
Of course.
I'm sorry, I must have been daydreaming.
Oh, what about? Winning the lottery.
Mm.
Have you seen Lisa? No.
Huh? I mean, not recent-- Not around-- I don't know.
Joe, Yeah, I almost got it fixed, Dave.
Now-- Look, Joe, why don't you just call in a specialist.
I am a specialist.
At what? At everything.
Look, this is no reflection on your abilities or lack thereof, but if you can't get this thing working within the next half-hour-- [REMOTE BEEPS.]
[REMOTE BEEPS.]
You were saying, Dave? That you should take your time, Joe.
Because you know more about this and everything else than I do.
Hm.
Thanks, chief.
No Thank you, Lord Joe, master of all things mechanical and human alike.
Hm.
That's great.
Can you get me a soda? I hear and I obey, Joe.
DAVE: Joe? Are you listening to me? Huh? Oh.
Um.
I'm fixin' it, all right? You're just sittin' on your toolbox, staring into space.
Now, just please focus.
Get this fixed, all right? Hey, could you get me a soda? Get your own soda.
[DRILLING.]
[ON RADIO.]
F.
D.
R.
? More like F.
D.
aren't.
WOMAN: Fone Bone, you're a maroon.
[WHISTLE NOISE.]
[CLICKS RADIO OFF.]
Um, what was that you were saying earlier about judo? Oh, that when the big man comes at the small man with all of his force, it is the wise small man that steps aside.
Yeah.
But at the end of the match, one man is small and wise, the other is big and wiser.
Uh B-but BETH: Are you listening to me? What? I said, Dave's not busy.
You can go on in.
Right.
Thank you.
Okay.
What was it you were saying earlier about judo? What? Yeah, the metaphor you used about the big man, small man Oh, right.
Right.
That, uh when the big man comes at the small man with all of his might, it's the wise small man that steps aside.
Yes, but at the end of the match, one man is small and wise.
The other man is big and wiser.
Yes.
The big man is wiser.
Wise enough never to come at the small man again.
What? What? No But if the big man is wise Is.
Yes, wiser.
If the big man is wiser.
Yes.
Then Then? Then he what? What? Screw it.
What is it? What are you trying to say? Beth? Beth? [IN DEEP VOICE.]
Hey, could I borrow your stapler? Beth? Yeah.
Yeah, Dave? Yeah? Are you listening to me? Yeah.
Yeah.
I was just I asked you to tell the staff that I want their ideas in writing within half an hour.
Yeah, I heard you the first time, Dave.
Heat must really be getting to you, huh? Dave wants the ratings ideas, in writing, in a half an hour, okay, Bill? Okay, Bill? [.]
Oh, Bill my whole life until now was merely pre-la-pl-- How's it pronounced? Prelude.
[BREATHES IN.]
My whole life until now was merely prelude to this wonderful moment.
You are the only one I've ever had eyes for, my sweet.
But we mustn't.
It is taboo.
You have a tattoo? No, not tattoo.
Taboo.
You know, as in forbidden.
Taboo! Oh! Because I thought you said tattoo, and then I thought that would be so cool-- Please, my little confection.
While we chit and chat, there is love to be made.
Mm.
Tell me about it.
So how do you like it, big boy? Without conversation.
Bill! Sorry.
I must have been daydreaming.
That's okay.
What were you daydreaming about? Winning the lottery again.
Oh, you won the lottery? Not yet, my sweet.
My sweet.
Ooh-kay.
Ratings ideas.
In writing.
In a half an hour.
I'm on it.
Ratings ideas, in writing, in a half an hour.
I said thanks for letting me borrow your stapler.
Oh Yeah.
Sure.
Anytime.
[WHISPERS.]
Man.
[SIGHS.]
[.]
I said, do you want your stapler back? No, it's okay.
You can just leave it on my desk.
You wanna come over and see more scary movies? No, uh, I mean, may-- maybe some-- I just I need to get I just need to get a little sleep, is all.
Hey, I hear that.
Dave needs the ratings ideas, in writing, in a half an hour.
All right, honey, when I finish my lunch.
Okay.
Looks like you could use a little company.
Oh, I sure could.
Have a seat.
So how's it goin'? Another day, another dollar.
Mm.
Hey, where's Shaniqua? I haven't seen her lately.
Oh, she's been working really hard, but she said she'd try to drop by for lunch.
Hey, Catherine.
Hey, Shaniqua.
How ya doin'? Hey.
All right.
Look who I brought with me.
Toshiro and Mohammed.
Aw! Hey.
Well, it sure is nice to work in an office that has a few people of color in it.
ALL: Yeah.
You know the last office I worked in? Mm.
Wall-to-wall white people, child.
Oh, now come on.
No, no.
Now, I'm not putting them down.
It's just-- I know.
You've got to start wondering what happened to equal opportunity when you the only brother.
Or sister.
Or sister in the place.
Exactly.
ALL: Mm-hm.
Yeah.
MAN: Catherine? I said you look like you could use a little company.
Oh.
I'd be delighted, Eric.
Oh, great.
Thanks.
Hey, guys, she said it's okay.
Come on in.
Hey.
Hey, did anybody see Friends last night? [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
I brought you a soda, Joe.
Thanks.
Hang on a second.
I brought you a soda, Joe.
Yeah, thanks.
I brought you a soda, Joe.
I brought-- I brought-- I brought you a soda, Joe.
All right, gang.
Looks like it's naptime.
[REMOTE BEEPING.]
Matthew? Get the handcart and take these droids back to the lab.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, when are you gonna turn me into a robot? Well, the parts come this weekend.
Excellent.
Thanks, master.
BETH: Joe, Huh? Dave needs an ETA on the thermostat.
Oh, well, tell him I'm workin' on it as hard as I can.
Okay Hey, can you get me a soda? [LAUGHS.]
Get you a soda.
Bill, staff meeting.
Bill! Staff meeting! VOICE: Hi.
Hey.
Bill's asleep.
Forever.
But I'll play with you.
[.]
BILL: Beth, what's wrong? I woke, you were staring at me.
Scared me.
Oh, sorry.
I was just going to tell you it's-- It's time for our staff meeting, Bill.
[ELEVATOR DINGS.]
[.]
My whole life till this point was merely prelude to this wonderful moment.
What is your name? Jeanette.
Jeanette DeChapeau.
It's French.
JEANETTE: Sir? Yes? I was asking if Henderson Accounting is on this floor? Oh.
No, they're up on 37.
Thank you.
[ELEVATOR DINGS.]
Uh, miss, I don't wanna seem too forward, but what's your name? Jeanette.
Bill.
I'm not gonna tell you again.
Staff meeting.
Staff meeting.
Okay! Okay!! Oh, my God.
Well, nice of you to join us, Bill.
Sorry I'm late, everyone.
I wasmeditating.
You were sleeping.
Right.
And Gandhi was just a lazy little goof who slept about 18 hours a day.
All right, everybody, I know this heat is excruciating.
JOE: I'm workin' on it! So let's just try to focus on these ideas for improving the ratings, shall we? Good idea.
All right.
Well, what do we have? Well, I-- This looks short, but I singled-spaced.
So there's actually a lot.
Oh.
That's great.
Here.
I wrote mine longhand, but there are about And I put mine on notecards.
Pick out the ones you like.
Terrific.
I went a little bit overboard.
Oh, whoa.
Wow.
All right.
Oh.
Oh.
Yeah, where were we? You were just saying that we should try to focus while we go over the ratings ideas.
Right.
All right.
Uh, So Well, what do we got? Well, I actually wrote something down.
Hm? It's on a napkin, but "Get better ratings.
" It's more of a jumping-off point, rather than a solution.
I'm sorry.
Well, I know nobody wants to think about the ratings.
That we all find it odious in the extreme to be pandering to the lowest common denominator, but the fact remains: our ratings suck, and unless we can come up with-- Howie! Hey, how are ya? ALL: Howie! Hey, everybody.
BETH: How are you? Good to see you.
Good to see you.
Boy, it's It's hot enough to boil an egg in here.
Yeah, I think maybe a snack break would help us focus, So Hey! Do you have any cinnamon rolls? Oh, yeah.
Saved one special for you, Dave.
Oh, thank you, Howie.
Hey, Howie, how's your wife? Oh, she's good.
Yeah.
But, oh, you're not gonna believe this.
Yeah, she wants to get another cat.
No.
What? That's, like, five cats.
No.
That's, like, six, Howie.
Seven.
Seven cats.
You've got the life I want.
But I-- I gotta admit The-- The little rascals do grow on you.
Oh Cute and fluffy.
DAVE: Yes? Oh! Yeah.
Does-- Does anybody want a snack? Um, donuts, cinnamon roll? Um Well, apparently not, but thanks, anyway.
Well, any time.
Boy, it's-- It's hot enough to boil an egg in here, huh? Mm-hm.
Yep.
Well, we'll see you tomorrow.
Okay, Harry? Yeah, okay.
[SIGHS.]
All right, now.
Does anybody have any useful ideas? Yes, I've got one, but it involves standing up to Jimmy and telling him exactly how much damage Fone Bone's Follies has done to our journalistic integrity.
Lisa, I tried to explain this to you.
Well, tell it to them.
See if they can understand.
All right, I was telling Lisa that it's like judo.
When the big man comes at the small with all his force, it is the wise small man who steps aside.
Yes, but if the small man is so wise, then why is he so small? [SIGHS.]
Well CATHERINE: Lisa Lisa! Lisa! Lisa! Lisa! Lisa! [.]
DAVE: Lisa! If the small man is so wise, then why is he so small? What? Is that a riddle? I'm good at riddles.
Tell it again.
DAVE: Okay.
Meeting's over.
Bill, do you have a moment? For what? What do you think? DAVE: Matthew? Ooh.
Yeah? Meeting's over.
You can go back to sleeping at your own desk now.
BILL: What do you mean your mug? I don't see your name on it.
Can't you two stop fighting long enough to realize how much you love each other? [BEEPING.]
Dave needs to know if it's fixed yet.
Movement.
Signal's clean.
Ten meters.
Nine meters.
Which direction? They're everywhere.
Eight meters.
Seven meters.
They found a way in.
There's something we missed.
Something under the floor.
It's not in the plans.
Four meters.
Three meters.
No, that can't be! That's inside the room! [GROWLING.]
[WARPED VOICE.]
I still have your stapler! Ahh! MATTHEW: Beth? Beth! Ah! Oh Oh Oh, it's you.
What's the problem? Oh, it's nothing.
It's just I think those movies we watched really got to me and it's just so-- It's so hot.
I don't know.
JOE: Beth? Yo, Beth.
Thermostat's fixed.
What? Oh.
Okay.
Cool.
What're you dreamin' about? I was dreaming about Matthew.
Oh Not like that.
Ew! MAN [ON RADIO.]
: And so, to all of us here-- Okay, what the hell is this? Fone Bone's Follies, as you requested.
Dave, I was just trying to make a point here.
I didn't want you to actually put this crap on the radio! Well, I-I What the hell were you thinking? Well, it's Well, it's like judo, sir.
When the big man comes at the small man-- Screw the small judo man.
What? I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
It's just me.
I shouldn't be screami'' at you.
It's just this damn heat, you know? I know.
I know what you mean.
I'm sorry, too, sir.
Damn.
Oh, that's it.
Ah Hey, Dave, what'd the Dow close at today? Six thousand and twenty.
Six thousand and twenty? Yeah.
Oh.
Sir? Yep? Oh, I'm-- I'm sorry, Dave.
Ah.
I'm sorry.
Hey, Dave, what-- What'd the Dow close at today? Uh, well, let's check.
Six thousand and thirty.
Six thousand and thirty? Mm-Hm.
Nah.
Ahh I rewired all the air conditioning to blow through this one vent till we cool off.
DAVE: Good work, Joe.
BETH: Was anybody else having really weird daydreams today? ALL: Yeah.
Real weird.
Lisa.
Home.
How was work? Good.
Topped off the eighteenth floor.
So how was he today? Give you any trouble? Nope.
He just sits there all day long staring into that thing.
I wonder what he sees in there? [.]