Nice Work (1980) s01e03 Episode Script

Episode 3

1 The latest figures put the number out of work Labour's spokesman on employment, said however the government they could do nothing to hide happening day after day.
Mr Richard Wainwright for the Liberals Talk to the whole workforce.
Why not give them a lecture? You're quite a good teacher, you know.
- It's become known that Vic, I had a word with the chairman about that little matter you raised with me the other day.
- Oh, yeah? - Now, he agrees with me.
We don't want to rock the boat at this juncture.
I want Everthorpe out of my factory.
- He's a bad influence.
- How d'you mean, Vic? I've told you.
And he's He's what, Vic? Vic? Forget it.
What about my new core-blower? - Well, now, that's approved.
- Great.
Yeah, you you're authorised to go up to 150 grand.
Oh, OK.
I'll set up a meeting with Altenhofer's at Düsseldorf.
All right.
Shall we start? It's perishing in here.
Do you want me to introduce you? No, they all know who I am.
Let's get on with it.
Right.
Now, you're supposed to start speeches with a funny story.
But I don't have one ready.
I'll be honest with you.
Running this company is no joke.
Now, you all know who I am.
I'm the boss.
I have a nasty habit of popping up on the shop floor just when you were thinking of going to the lav for a quiet smoke.
Now you all think I'm God almighty in this place, that I can do what I like.
Well, I'm not.
I can't do anything at all on my own.
Now, I don't need to tell you that we're in a very competitive industry A third of the engineering companies A third of the engineering companies have gone out of business - in the West Midlands since 19 - Mr Wilcox? - What the hell do you think you're doing? - I've got a message for you.
Go on, sweetheart, get your tits out for the boys.
- Take your knickers off! - Get out of here! Bend over, I'll drive you home! - I said get out of here! - Oh, go on.
Be a sport.
It won't take long.
- Get off! Get off! - If you're selling them puppies, - I'll have the one with the pink nose! - Yes! Yes! Robyn! - Come on, let's hear the rest of it.
- Here, take this.
Come on.
Right! That's that's the end of the cabaret.
As I was saying, this is a very competitive industry, and a third of the engineering companies have gone out of business since 1980 in the West Midlands.
Now, it's been very hard for a lot of people.
It's going to get even harder.
Not only for you but for me.
I knew she had a part-time job, but I didn't know it was that.
It's called a kissagram, apparently.
Of course, she didn't actually get as far as giving you a kiss.
Thank Christ for that.
It could have been worse.
There's also something called a gorillagram.
- She didn't tell you who set me up? - She didn't know.
I can guess, any road.
- Brian Everthorpe? - Has his fingerprints all over it.
Why don't you get rid of that man? Well, after all, you're the boss.
Well, I have thought of it, but, er But what? You can have too many reasons for sacking a man.
You begin to distrust your own motives.
What d'you think of this daft place? - It's incredible.
- Huh.
You wait till you get inside.
Thank you very much.
Thanks.
Yes, sir? Shall I get this? Two mild please.
Two pints.
- How'd it go, then? - He's only having There you are.
I've ordered the food.
Oops! There's been a lot of subsidence round here.
It's the old mine workings.
It's like a house in a fairy tale.
Yeah.
- Well, cheers.
- Cheers.
Heh.
I've never bought draft bitter for a woman before.
You must have had a very limited experience of life, then.
Oh, you're dead right there.
You know, sometimes when I'm lying awake in the small hours, instead of counting sheep, I count the things I've never done.
Like what? Oh, like I've, er I've never skied, I've never wind-surfed, I've never learned to play a musical instrument, or speak a foreign language, or ride a horse.
I've never climbed a mountain or pitched a tent, or caught a fish.
I've never seen Niagara Falls, or been up the Eiffel Tower, or even the Tower of London.
I've never Ah, I could go on and on.
There's still time.
No, it's too late.
All I'm fit for is work.
It's about the only thing I'm any good at.
Well, that's something.
That's a lot.
I'll buy you a drink next Wednesday.
It's my last.
- What? - Next week, it's the end of term.
I must say, it's flown by.
I don't know how you people can justify your long holidays.
They are not holidays.
We do research, you know, as well as teaching undergraduates.
Oh, sorry.
I've hardly touched my new book since Christmas.
Having to come to Pringle's every Wednesday hasn't helped.
I'm going to Düsseldorf next Wednesday.
Oh.
Well, then, this is my last.
No, you've got to come with me to Düsseldorf.
I can't, I'm afraid.
You're my shadow.
You've got to follow me wherever I go.
What are you going to Düsseldorf for? Oh, I'm seeing some people about getting a new core-blower.
It could be very interesting for you.
We'd stay in a posh hotel.
Get taken out for meals.
It's only two days.
One night.
No, I have my Women's Writing seminars on a Thursday.
Well can't somebody else do them for you? No.
No, I'm afraid it's out of the question.
Oh! Basil.
God, you gave me a shock! What are you doing here? Just passing.
Thought I'd drop in.
Hard at work as ever, I see, Robyn.
But does the world really need another book on 19th-century fiction? I don't know, but it's going to get one.
It's my only hope of getting another job somewhere.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
Have you seen Charles lately? No, we've both been too busy.
Why? Did you know he's been seeing Debbie? - Seeing her? - Yes, seeing her.
Well I knew he was going to watch her at her work.
He spent the night with her, afterwards.
At her house.
Well, he he probably took her out to dinner and, erm missed his train so she put him up afterwards.
Mm.
That's what Debbie says.
- Well, then.
What's the fuss? - Suppose I told you it happened twice.
- Twice? - Missing one train is unfortunate.
Missing two looks suspicious, wouldn't you say? How do you know all this, Basil? I thought you and Debbie never saw each other midweek.
Last Tuesday evening, I rang Debbie late and Charles answered the phone.
- And last night, I followed them.
- You what? - I followed them.
They went to a pub - You're being completely paranoid.
Even paranoids have cheating girlfriends.
Look, I'm sure there's a perfectly simple explanation.
I'll ask Charles.
He's coming over this weekend.
Oh.
Oh, well, that's a relief.
Why? Well, Debbie claims she's staying with her parents this weekend.
I was beginning to wonder.
I don't know what you women see in Charles, anyway.
He seems a cold fish to me.
I've got no wish to discuss Charles' attractions with you, Basil.
Oh, hello, Charles.
Why not? You're not spending it with Debbie, then? Only, Basil says you've stayed overnight with her twice.
No, I just wondered why you hadn't mentioned it.
I thought you were jealous of Debbie.
Why on earth should I be jealous of Debbie? I don't give a monkey's how much she earns.
Yes, of course I know what the expression means, Charles.
I thought it was rather appropriate.
Debbie's been You haven't slept with her, then? Well - What does that mean? - Well, I gave her Oh, I see.
No, of course not, you're a completely free agent.
And how are you, anyway, Robyn? Oh, I'm fine.
I'm very busy.
Uh I'm going to Düsseldorf next week.
Yes, er, Vic Wilcox is going on a business trip.
- It should be interesting.
- Well, next weekend then No, I I'm busy the weekend after.
- You're not angry, are you? I just don't feel like seeing you.
I'm a free agent too.
- Look can we talk about this? Well? - Well, what? - Have they slept together? Not in the technical sense.
What do you mean, not in the technical sense? He gave her a massage.
Is that all? It's quite enough.
Ladies and gentlemen, we will shortly be commencing Will you please return your seats and ensure that your seatbelts The time in Düsseldorf is 11 am, and Thank you.
I've been thinking.
How am I going to introduce you to the Germans? I can't go through all that rigmarole about the shadow scheme.
Well, I'll explain myself.
- I speak German.
- Go on! - You don't.
- Ja, sicher.
Ich habe in der Schule Deutsch gelernt.
What does that mean? "Yes, of course.
I learnt German in school.
" Huh! I wish I could do that.
Well, I'll be your interpreter, then.
Oh, there's no need, the Krauts all speak English.
Excuse me, sir, can you fasten your seatbelt? - Shall I take your cup, sir? - On behalf of Rummidge Air, Captain Marsh and his crew, we would like to thank you for flying with us today, and we trust you have enjoyed As a matter of fact, it might be useful if you don't let on you understand German.
Why? They sometimes speak German to each other in the middle of a meeting.
I often wonder what they're saying.
All right.
But how will you explain my presence? Well, I'll say you're my personal assistant.
What does that mean? Well, on business trips abroad, it usually means, er, girlfriend.
Well, they won't suspect you of speaking German.
I see.
It's a good job I got dressed up for the occasion, then, isn't it? Heh.
Yeah.
You look smashing, as a matter of fact.
Thank you.
Düsseldorf is much more impressive than I expected.
Well, they had to rebuild from scratch after the war.
We pretty near flattened the place.
The centre of Rummidge has been rebuilt too, but not like this.
They can afford it.
We won the war and lost the peace, as they say.
You see, in the boom years, when we were selling as much as we could make on our clapped-out machines, and paying the unions whatever they asked for, the Krauts were investing in new technology and hammering out sensible labour agreements.
I thought our problem was we import too much.
It's the same problem.
I mean, that outfit of yours, where was it made, as a matter of interest? - Well, I've no idea.
- Well, you should have.
West Germany! Well, there you are! That's great, see you later.
DankeschÃn.
But you can't talk.
You said you expected to pay £150,000 for this core-blower.
- Why not buy a British machine? - Because we don't make one.
And that's another reason why we lost the peace.
The Sales Director is called Winkler and he has a technical sidekick called Patsch.
- It's "Vinkler", not "Winkler".
- You're not supposed to know that.
I know, don't worry.
I'll play my part.
Mr Winkler will see you now.
Ah, dankeschÃn.
Well, what's your impression of Düsseldorf then, huh? You wouldn't think you were in a factory town.
Everything's so clean and modern.
I was saying to Vic in the car, actually, Mr Winkle, that Düsseldorf is really so much nicer than I was expecting.
- Wasn't I, Vic? - Er, yeah.
I'm very glad to hear that, Miss Penrose.
Er, my name is Winkler, by the way.
Well, here we have the machines! Ooh, they're a nice colour, aren't they? The units are fully automatic.
There is a hoist system with hydraulic releases built into the machine for core box tooling.
How many moving parts in the cores can it handle? Up to five.
The cores are automatically discharged onto the belt, as you see.
The whole process is controlled automatically, - with manual override facilities.
- Ah.
- Can I see it in operation? - Oh, certainly! Herr Klatt, wurden Sie bitte die Maschine laufen lassen fur Herr Wilcox, bitte? Are you buying both machines, Vic? Oh, no, no, no.
These have been made for another customer.
I'm not buying one machine unless the price is right.
How d'you clean the blow heads? The heads are changed automatically for cleaning.
I hear your boss is a very tough bargainer, Miss Penrose.
I couldn't say! - Who told you that? - My spies! We all have spies in industry Don't be alarmed.
Ooh, it gave me quite a turn.
It did! Well, er, when Dr Patsch has answered all Mr Wilcox's questions, we can continue our business comfortably over lunch, right? Ooh, that'd be lovely.
Wouldn't it? I'll be honest with you.
It's a great machine.
It's exactly what I want.
The trouble is, you want £170,000 for it, and I'm only authorised to spend up to 150.
Well, er - We might be able to arrange a discount.
- How much? - One per cent.
- Not worth talking about.
Oh, do you like a "desert", Miss Penrose? A desert? Oh, right.
What about Black Forest gâteau? That should be good 'ere, shouldn't it? I'll have just a tiny bit of that one, please.
Er, I'm late for my next appointment.
- You have another appointment? - Yeah, if you'll excuse me.
- I've got to make a phone call.
- Of course.
- Can I order you some "desert"? - No, thanks.
Can I have some cream with it, please? DankeschÃn.
Would you please excuse us, just for a moment? Oh, of course.
- Thanks.
- Was meinst du? Ich fürchte, er ist ernst.
Und wenn wir nun seine Zu dem Preis Nicht mit Siemens-Systemen.
Von Siemens-System Auch wieder wahr! I hope this cake is to your liking, Miss Penrose? Well, it hasn't got much in the way of cherries in it.
Oh, but it's very nice.
Now I must go and powder my nose, I'm afraid.
Excuse me.
The ladies' restroom is down there.
It's marked Damen.
Oh, thanks ever so much.
Oh, there you are.
I was just coming to look for you.
What's up? They're going to accept your price, I overheard them.
Hey.
That's fantastic! Yes, but wait, there's a there's a catch, I think.
Patsch said something about they couldn't do it with a something system.
- It sounded like "semen".
- Huh.
Siemens.
Yes, yes, that's it.
- Bitte Anyway, then Winkler said, "Well, he hasn't specified Siemens.
" The bastards! They're going to try and fob me off with an electromechanical system.
- What? - Well, the machine we saw this morning has Seimens solid state control and diagnostic systems for identifying faults.
The older type is all switches and relays - nowhere near as reliable.
Nice work, Robyn.
Ah! We have been discussing the problem.
After all, we think we can meet your requirements at the figure you mentioned.
- Now you're talking.
- Let's all have a cognac to celebrate.
Hm? Oh, would you like a cognac, too? - Oh yes, that'd be lovely.
- Fine.
Vier Cognac, bitte.
- Now, let's get this straight.
- Yeah.
We're talking about your 22EX machine, right? - Yeah.
- With Siemens solid-state systems.
Oh, er, we didn't specify that.
The 22EX is also supplied with Klugerman electromechanic controls.
That is what we had in mind for the price.
Huh.
Then it's no deal.
- I'm only interested in solid state.
- It's impossible.
Look, er, let's not waste any more of each other's time, Mr Winkler.
- Oh, are we going, Vic? - One moment, Mr Wilcox, please sit down.
I'd like to discuss further with my colleague.
Excuse us.
Kommen Sie mit, bitte.
Well? I think they might just bite the bullet.
Winkler thought he had the deal sewn up.
He can't bear the thought of it slipping through his fingers at the last moment.
- Yeah? Yeah? OK? - OK.
They're coming back.
- It's not that easy.
- No, nothing ever is, is it? OK.
155,000, with Siemens solid-state system.
That is absolutely our last offer.
OK.
Let's not make any more mistakes, eh? This is your 22EX with Siemens solid-state, for 155,000, to be paid for in sterling in stages as per your outline quotation.
That's 25 per cent with order, 50 per cent on delivery, 15 per cent on being commissioned by your engineers, and ten per cent after two months' satisfactory operation.
Right? Correct.
Done! I wasn't misinformed about you, Mr Wilcox.
When can I have the revised quotation? It will be ready for collection at my office tomorrow morning.
Right.
We'll be off, then.
Cheers! Cheers.
Goodbye, Miss Penrose.
I hope you will enjoy your stay at Düsseldorf.
Auf Weidersehen, Herr Winkler.
Ich werde mich freuen so erfreulich wird wie Weidersehen.
Weidersehen, Mr Winkler.
Prost! Turned the tables on the buggers! - At £155,000, it's a snip! - Ssh.
Not so loud! They can't back out now.
Eh, Winkler's face when you spoke German to him! What did you say? I simply said that I would be very happy if the rest of my stay was as enjoyable as the delicious lunch.
I felt rather sorry for him, actually.
Hey, let's explore Düsseldorf before we go to the Schloss.
OK, that'd be great.
Bitte in die Altstadt bringen? Go on, say something in German again.
I love it.
Oh, no! I just told him to take us to the old town.
Is that OK? It's not at all what I was expecting when you said come to Düsseldorf.
- Don't you like it? - Mm.
It's wonderful, but I mean, this has to be the most bizarre setting for a discothèque I ever saw in my life.
You look fantastic in that dress, Robyn.
It really suits you.
I don't think I should have any more champagne.
Well, it's a special occasion.
Here's to the new machine.
Here's to it.
Herr Winkler would have fixed you up with a call girl for the night.
- What? - Well isn't that what usually happens - when businessmen go abroad? - Huh, not to me, it doesn't.
Er I can't remember whether I mentioned it.
- Would she mind? - Why should she? Perhaps she'd like to have come herself.
- I can't do that sort of dancing.
- What sort? Where you just sort of stand there and twitch, instead of holding on to somebody.
- Whoo! - Come back! You're doing fine.
Just let yourself go.
I don't know how to.
It's not in my nature.
Oh-ho! Poor Vic! - Wooh! - Come here, Robyn.
- Come here.
- Come on, you're not trying! - Hey, listen! That song.
- You know it? Let's go to bed.
Oh, Robyn! Wait a minute! All in good time.
Careful, Vic! You'll tear my dress.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
I wonder if there's any champagne.
I haven't done this sort of thing before, you see.
You don't have to do anything, if you don't want to.
Oh, I want to.
I love you.
Don't be silly, Vic.
- That song's gone to your head.
- Oh! Now it will be our song.
Aren't you having some? You're not afraid of being impotent, are you? No.
Because if it happens, it doesn't matter, all right? I don't think it'll be a problem.
You could just give me a massage if you like.
No, I want to make love.
Well, massage is a non-phallic way of making love.
I'm a phallic sort of bloke.
Ahh.
Made in Italy.
Failed the patriotic test again.
Fabriqué en France.
Dear, oh dear.
Well, aren't you going to get undressed too? Yeah.
Y viva España! Olé! Christian Dior.
Encore la France! Now, let me see.
These should be British, anyway.
Yes.
I always buy my knickers from Marks and Spencer's.
Oh, you're beautiful.
My, what a knobstick.
- Why do you call it that? - Private joke.
Have you got a condom? No.
Fortunately, I have.
I love you.
No, you don't, Vic.
I've been in love with you for weeks.
Well, there's no such thing.
It's a rhetorical device.
A a bourgeois fallacy.
Haven't you ever been in love, then? Oh.
When I was younger, I allowed myself to be constructed by the discourse of romantic love for a while, yes.
What the hell does that mean? We aren't essences, Vic.
I mean, we aren't unique, individual essences existing prior to language.
There is only language.
Well, what about this? Language and biology.
I mean, of course we all have bodies and physical needs.
When you touch me there, it gives me pleasure.
It gives me pleasure too.
But the discourse of romantic love pretends that your finger and my clitoris are extensions of two unique selves who need each other and only each other and can't be happy without each other for ever and ever, amen.
Well, that's right.
That's exactly how I feel.
But the post-structuralist theory of the subject has rendered that quite untenable.
I mean, desire is essentially Do you think we could possibly stop talking now? All right.
But I prefer to be on top.
Herein.
- Guten Morgen.
- Hier? Herein.
Herein! Oh, good morning.
How are you? - All right.
- Oh.
I ordered breakfast from room service, did you? I I wasn't very hungry.
The coffee was excellent.
There's still some left, I think.
If you'd like some, help yourself.
What are we going to do? Well, I thought I might go for a swim, actually, you know, while you're sorting out your contract.
No, I meant what are we going to do about last night? Well, we haven't got to do anything about it, have we? I mean, we both got a bit carried away.
But it was nice.
Nice? Uh Is that all you've got to say about it? Nice? - It was wonderful.
- All right, it was wonderful.
Don't mock me.
I'm not mocking you.
I suppose it was nothing special to you.
Just just a, what do they call it, one-night stand.
I haven't slept with anybody except Charles for years, and I'm not seeing him at the moment.
Not that it's any of your business.
- So it was love, then? - I keep telling you, there's no such thing.
Love, that sort of love, is a literary con trick.
- I don't believe that.
- Oh, good God.
Last night, you called me darling.
People say all kinds of things when they're in bed together.
- It doesn't mean anything.
- It does to me.
Look, I Ah, I've got to go.
I'll meet you for lunch where we ate yesterday.
One o'clock.
KÃnnen Sie mich bitte - Hello.
- Why did you run away? I had things to do.
- Can I come in? - What for? I want to talk.
Well, as long as it's not about love, or last night.
You know that's what I want to talk about.
That's the condition.
All right.
So when will you get this new toy of yours, then? Oh, I should think about six to nine months.
The sooner the better, really.
Well, there'll be fewer breakdowns and less overtime to make up for them, and, er, of course, I'll save on manpower.
Why? Well, the new machine will replace half a dozen old ones, so, um, most of the operators will be redundant.
- But that's terrible! - Well, it stands to reason.
That's why you buy an automatic machine, to cut labour costs.
If I'd known this, I would never have helped you buy the wretched thing.
You can't afford to be sentimental about a few men being laid off.
Sentimental! Look who's talking! This is the man whose knees go weak at the sound of Jennifer Rush.
- The man who believes in love.
- It's business.
You don't understand.
Oh, I understand that men who have jobs right now won't have them this time next year, thanks to you, me and Herr Winkler.
Those old machines had to be renewed sooner or later.
They're always breaking down, very tricky to operate.
You know yourself, we're always having trouble You don't mean to say that Danny Ram operates one of those machines? - I thought you knew.
- Oh, shit! - I'll find another job for him.
- Oh, right, by firing somebody else? - Not necessarily.
- Oh, not necessarily? - You are playing with people's lives.
- No, I'm not.
Yes, you are.
You're offering me Danny Ram's job as a sop, a a a bribe, a present, like men give their mistresses strings of pearls.
I don't want you to be my mistress.
I want you to be my wife.
You're you're out of your mind.
Have you forgotten you've got a wife already? I'll get a divorce.
I refuse to listen to any more of this.
I think you'd better go home.
I've got a lot of essays to mark.
Term ends tomorrow.
My marriage has been dead for years.
We have nothing in common any more, Marjorie and me.
What do you think we've got in common? - Last night.
- Oh, shut up about last night.
That was just a fuck, nothing more, nothing less.
God, anybody would think it had never happened before in the history of the world.
It never did to me, not like that.
Oh, go away, go home, for God's sake! Oh! Om Om.
Om.
- Om.
- I'll be in touch, then.
Om! Leave me alone! You're beautiful when you're angry.
Like a goddess.
Morning, Vic.
I thought you'd like to see the first complete printout of our inventory.
Oh, yes? Look.
Here's our stocks of raw materials.
As soon as any item falls below a certain level, the computer automatically searches the order file for the relevant product, and triggers a command to repurchase as appropriate.
We need never get caught with our pants down again.
- Nice.
- Nice? It's bloody magic.
Buying that computer is the best thing you ever did.
Wait until you see the new automatic core-blower.
Ah, that should be something.
You know, there's a real buzz about this place with all the capital investment.
Makes you quite glad to come to work.
Are you all right, Vic? Yeah, yeah.
I'm just I'm just a bit tired, that's all.
Oh.
Shall I leave this stuff with you? Yes, Tom, leave it with me.
All we need now is that new spectrometer, eh? Yeah.
Hello, this is Robyn Penrose speaking.
I'm sorry, I'm not available Please leave a message, and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.
- Please speak after the beep.
Why don't you look where you're going, you stupid twat? Ta-ra.
Thank you very much.
Hello, love.
You're early this evening.
Yeah.
What are you wearing that outfit for? - Got caught in the rain.
- Jogging? You? I thought it was time I did some exercise.
Get me weight down.
You'll do yourself an injury if you're not careful.
Delivering a sunbed.
Don't worry, it's only rented.
What do you want a sunbed for? Get a nice tan before we go on holiday.
You need your head tested.
Oh, no! Aaah! Er, Diana.
Known to the Greeks as Artemis.
Originally a fertility goddess, she later became the virgin huntress, patron of chastity and protector of women.
Er, the painting depicts the story of Actaeon, who, er, watched Diana and her nymphs bathing.
The goddess, outraged by this intrusion, er, turned him into a stag, and, er, in punishment, hunted him to death with his own hounds.
This painting is by an unknown artist.
Probably a student of Titian, since it contains many features of a famous painting by Titian in the National Gallery of Scotland.
The, er, black maidservant, who is in place of the usual nymph, is thought to represent the, er, dark side of Diana, the, er, dark side of the moon, if you like, since Diana was also associated with the moon.
Er, this picture also has a very modern feeling to it, in that it raises the whole question of voyeurism in relation to paintings of the nude, the male gaze at the naked female figure.