Nice Work (1980) s01e04 Episode Script
Episode 4
1 (Beep) This is Vic.
Please phone me.
At work.
(Beep) Robyn? Are you there? This is me again.
I must talk to you.
(Beep) (Hangs up) (Beep) (Hangs up) (Beep) (Hangs up) (Beep) Hello Robyn, this is Charles.
Can you call me back? Thanks.
(Beep) (Vic) Robyn.
Look, all I want to do is talk.
You can't avoid me forever.
Please.
(Beep) (Hangs up) (Beep) Robyn, this is Charles again.
If you don't return this call, and you know how much - Well, sod you, Charles! - (Beep) (Hangs up) (Beep) Ah.
Erm Er, Robyn, Erm, I wonder if you'd be free on the evening of Saturday, We're having a few people Erm, oh, and, er, Morris Zapp is staying with us, an old friend from the States.
I I daresay you know his work.
Erm, er, yes.
Er, bye.
(Philip) Sam, Meryl, well, I'm glad you could make it.
Go on through.
Hilary's down at the end of the hall.
- Hello, Philip.
- Ah, Robyn.
There you are.
I'm glad you got my message.
You've been rather elusive during the vac.
- Yes, I've been away.
- Holiday? - Philip, where are the Twiglets? - In the kitchen, by the recipe books.
- You know, er, Robyn Penrose? - Oh, Robyn, of course.
- Hello.
- It's nice to see you.
I'll take that.
- Thanks.
- A holiday? - Well, more of a retreat.
- Ooooh! You may well ask - I've been staying with my parents.
- Oh, sorry, Jack, excuse me.
- Sorry.
- Let me introduce you to Morris Zapp.
- I think he's in need of rescuing.
- I'm looking forward to meeting him.
Oh, good God, no, I wouldn't care to be at Essex, frankly.
- No, or Keele.
- Oh, poor old Keele.
- Oh, no, one shouldn't laugh, I'm sorry.
- (Laughs) - Hello, Ruth.
- Hello, Rupert.
Have you been here all evening? Cuts, cuts, cuts.
That's all anybody'll talk about here.
Somebody should write a book called Cuts.
Well, there is a musical, I believe.
(Woman) Well I wouldn't like to be a sociologist here at the moment.
- (Man) Absolutely - That's Cats, Phil.
- Are you getting deaf? - Pardon? No, no, I don't think so.
I said cuts.
Busby was just bending my ear on the subject.
- Because the cuts - That's what life is like in British universities these days.
I spend my entire life on committees arguing about cuts, and how to implement them.
I I haven't read a book in months, let alone written one.
- Well, I have.
- Read or written? Written.
The first draft, anyway, that's what I've been working on during the vac.
Ah, Robyn, you're an example to us all.
However shall we manage without you? Tell me about your book, Robyn.
Well, my working title is Woman as Sign and Commodity in Victorian Fiction.
- Really? - Er, yes, excuse me.
- Erm, Hilary, can we have the canapés? - Let's find a quiet place and sit down.
(Woman) Well, subject meaning area of study, or subject meaning what we used to call the individual self? (Man) Well, I suppose both, really.
The trouble is, some of our colleagues have only heard of the first sense.
- Oh, hello, Bob.
- How are you? We were just saying that there is a certain amount of dead wood in the faculty.
Yes, people who haven't had a new idea for years.
Mm, mm, I know.
Where is he? I saw old Sutcliffe in the photocopying room the other day.
He was xeroxing his old dog-eared lecture notes so they looked like new ones.
I've got to mark paper 12 with him this year.
They're very important, I think, because, er, in his own idiosyncratic way Hardy did challenge the stereotypes.
And my last chapter is a sort of manifesto for a feminist poetics of fiction.
That is interesting.
Do you have a publisher for your book in America? - Not yet.
- I'm a reader for Euphoria University Press.
I'd really like to read your book.
Well, that's very kind of you.
I'd certainly value another opinion.
Can you drop a manuscript here before 8:30 tomorrow morning? I'm catching the 9:45 shuttle to Heathrow.
OK, fine.
Of course, I may not like it, but you look like a smart girl to me.
- Person.
- Person! Sorry.
Morris, you really mustn't monopolise Dr Penrose.
- Well, actually, I was just about to go.
- Oh, so soon? Yes, work to do.
Thanks for a lovely party.
Er, nice meeting you.
I'll see you tomorrow, then.
Good, er Now you can monopolise me for a while, Morris.
(Morris) Terrific seeing you again, Hilary.
(Philip) Come on, Morris, the taxi's here.
(Morris) He'll wait, Phil.
He'll wait.
(Philip) Professor Zapp for the airport.
He's catching the 9:45 shuttle.
- You will get him there on time? - Morning, Philip.
Robyn! What are you doing here at this hour in the morning? Oh, delivering my book to Professor Zapp.
Great, I'll read it on the plane.
Is your phone number on the manuscript? - Oh, no.
Have you got a pen? - Morris, the taxi.
- Thanks.
- Relax, Phil.
I've got plenty of time.
But the meter's ticking over.
- So what? - (Sighs) Ah, I'm sorry.
I've become rather obsessive about waste, since I became dean.
There you are.
Home and department numbers.
Thanks.
You should come back to Euphoria State, and watch us spending money.
- (Laughs) - It would do you good.
Do you intend to stay there until you retire? Sure.
I have a contract that says no one in humanities is to be paid more than I.
Why so modest, Morris? Why restrict it just to the humanities? Oh, you've got to be realistic.
Guys that can blow up the world or cure cancer - deserve a bit more than we literary critics.
- (Chuckles) If I like your book, I'll phone you.
If I don't, I'll mail it back.
- Ciao.
- Bye.
(Philip) Go with the flow, Morris.
(Robyn) He's fun, isn't he? (Philip) He's an amiable rogue.
I can't think why he's so interested in your book, though.
He's never had much time for feminists since Desiree became one.
- Desiree Zapp, the novelist? - Mm.
- I didn't know she was his wife.
- Oh, ex-wife.
Well, very ex.
Oh, look, er, can I invite you in for a cup of coffee? Oh, thanks, but I've been up all night printing out my book.
All I want to do is fall into bed.
I'll see you tomorrow, then.
- First day of term! - Right.
- Morning, Robyn.
- Hello.
Robyn, I do need those marks for Women in Writing.
- God, yes.
End of the week.
I promise.
- Yes, please.
- Hello, Jack.
- Bob.
- Enjoy the party? - Oh, hi, Bob.
Yes, it was lovely.
- Did you hear about Hilary Swallow? - No.
- Hi, Bob.
Hi, Robyn.
- Hello.
After you left, she got even more pissed and disappeared upstairs with old Zapp.
- You're kidding! - Well, you You know they had this wild thing during the '60s? - I don't believe it! - Mm! More anon.
See ya.
- Hi Robyn.
- Hello, Simon.
- I'm getting a coffee, do you want one? - Oh, thanks, yes.
(Philip) What time were you expected? (Vic) Well, I don't know.
I wasn't really expected at any time, but I just turned up about nine, you know.
(Philip) Well here she is.
Ah, Robyn, there you are.
I just met your shadow outside your door.
Oh, sorry.
"Alone and palely loitering.
" Keats.
Apparently he's been here since nine o'clock.
- Hello.
- What do you mean, my shadow? Yes, I did tell Mr Wilcox that our day starts a little later.
What do you mean, my shadow? Er, the the second part of the shadow scheme.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Oh, so you you weren't expecting Mr Wilcox this morning? - Not this morning or any morning.
- Well, I wrote to you about it.
Excuse me, please.
Thanks.
- The letter must have gone astray.
- Ah, well, let me explain.
Ahem.
In the vacation, while you were away, Mr Wilcox wrote to the VC, suggesting a follow-up to the shadow scheme.
It seems he was so impressed with the experiment, he thought it ought to be continued in reverse, so to speak.
Well, me me shadowing you.
I mean, after all, we in industry have a lot to learn too.
- No way.
- (Philip) Ah, jolly good! - Look, I'll see you at coffee.
- I said I won't do it! Well, er er er w why not? Mr Wilcox knows.
- No I don't.
- Erm, er When we first met, you expressed utter contempt for the work I do.
I was prejudiced.
That's what the shadow scheme's for, isn't it, to overcome prejudice? - (Woman) Hi, Robyn! - Uh, hi.
I'll be with you in a minute.
But look He'd he'd have to sit in on my classes, it's not fair on my students.
I wouldn't interfere.
I I'd just be a fly on the wall.
I honestly don't think the students would object, Robyn.
I'm surprised Mr Wilcox can be spared from his factory.
I thought he was indispensable.
No, things are running smoothly at the moment, and, er I've got a lot of holiday owing.
Yes, I, er, think if Mr Wilcox is prepared to use his own time, that we The VC is most enthusiastic.
I don't seem to have much choice, do I? - Come on.
- (Philip) Oh, good.
Well, I'll leave you in good hands, then, metaphorically speaking.
(Giggles) Although he often criticised the materialism of Victorian society, Tennyson also took an interest in its inventions and achievements.
The line in "Locksley Hall", "Let the great world spin for ever down the ringing grooves of change" reflects the optimistic spirit of the Railway Age.
Tennyson was, however Yes, Mr Wilcox? He must have been thinking of trams, not trains.
- Train wheels don't run in grooves.
- (Laughing) You find that an amusing suggestion, Simon? Well, trams, they're not exactly poetic, are they? Well, it's, erm It's an interesting, if trivial, crux.
This is what Tennyson himself said.
"When I went by the first train from Liverpool to Manchester, "I thought that the wheels ran in a groove.
"It was a black night and there was such a vast crowd "round the train at the station that we couldn't see the wheels.
"Then I made this line.
" Huh.
He didn't make it very well then, did he? So, what's the answer? Is it a train or a tram? What do you two think? Helen? Well, if Tennyson thought he was describing a train, then it's a train, I suppose.
Not necessarily.
Er, that's the intentional fallacy.
Well, it's, er, a kind of aporia.
A what? An aporia.
A-P-O-R-I-A.
Erm a figure of undecidable ambiguity, or irresolvable contradiction.
It derives from a Greek word that means a path that gives out, leaving you stranded.
You mean, it's a duff line? On the contrary, I think it's the best line in a generally deplorable poem.
Carry on, Marion.
Tennyson was, however, better at emotions than ideas.
The lyrical poems in Maud, like "Come into the garden, Maud", are more effective than the hero's social polemics.
Yes, Mr Wilcox? "Come into the garden, Maud" isn't a poem, it's a song.
A very popular song.
My grandad used to sing it.
Tennyson wrote it as a poem and then somebody else set it to music.
Oh, sorry, my mistake.
Or is it, er, an aporia? (All laughing) No, it's a mistake.
Go on, please, Marion.
Oh, well, I was just going to quote some of Maud.
"She is coming, my dove, my dear "She is coming, my life, my fate "The red rose cries, 'She is near, she is near' "And the white rose weeps, 'She is late' "The larkspur listens, 'I hear, I hear' And the lily whispers, 'I wait"' - (Simon) Thanks, Robyn.
- OK.
I'll see you next week.
- Coming for a coffee? - I've got a lecture.
- Here, Robyn.
- Thanks, Marion.
That was much better.
- Boring.
- It's a bit of a mess, I think.
It was fine, really.
I'll give it back next week.
- OK.
Thanks, Robyn.
- Bye.
(Students giggling) Can I, erm Can I borrow this? Yes.
Why, as a matter of interest? Well, I thought if I give it a good read, I might have a better idea of what's going on next week.
- Oh, we're finished with Tennyson.
- Oh.
It's Daniel Deronda next week.
Do you want to swap? Erm No, I'll, er I'll take 'em both.
Why didn't you answer my letters? - I didn't even open them.
- That wasn't very nice.
I knew all too well what would be in them.
Didn't it mean anything to you, Düsseldorf? It was an aporia.
A path that led nowhere.
It's left me stranded, all right.
I mean I can't go forward, I can't go back.
(Sighs) I'm sorry, Vic, but surely you can see it's impossible.
I mean, we're too different.
I could change.
I already have changed.
I I've started reading, you know, proper books.
- What books? - Oh - Jane Eyre, and and the other one.
- Wuthering Heights? Yeah, I've read 'em both.
Go on, ask me about them.
It's not just a matter of books, Vic.
Look, I got rid of the pin-ups at the factory.
- I've given the women in - What? I got the unions to put it to a vote.
The Asians swung it.
They're a bit prudish, you know.
Well I'm impressed.
Robyn! Give me a chance! Get up, you fool! Mr Wilcox has dropped his pen, Marion.
- Can you see it anywhere? - Er.
No.
Sorry.
I just came back for this.
Er I've, erm got another lecture, I must dash.
Er, sorry.
Right.
That's it! (Gasping) I'm sorry, I got carried away.
Please leave, now.
Let me stay.
It won't happen again.
I don't trust you, I think you're a bit mad.
I promise.
No more love stuff? No.
No more references to Düsseldorf? All right.
Do you know what you looked like just now? An illustration out of a Victorian novel! (Laughs) God knows what Marion made of it.
Oh come on, let's get some more coffee.
(Sighs) Which brings me to the next item on the agenda, the DEVs.
What in God's name are they? Er, Department Enterprise Ventures.
The VC wants every department to put forward projects for raising money from the private sector.
Do you mean something like a jumble sale? Or a flag day? No, no, no, Rupert! - Consultancies.
- Well, that's more your line of country.
- Research facilities.
What have we got - Nothing to do with a university.
- That's a stupid - What have we got, as a department, that's marketable? We've got a lot of pretty girls.
(Sniggers) I don't understand this.
I mean for God's sake, we're already overstretched teaching students and doing our own research.
That's what we're here for, it's important work, it's valuable.
Where are we to find the time and energy to make money on the side as well? - It's ludicrous! - (Stutters) The the the theory is that with the additional income generated, we should be able to hire more staff.
It's the spirit of the times.
Erm self-help.
- Venture capitalism.
- (Scoffs) Isn't that, er, right, Mr Wilcox? Well, I agree with Dr Penrose.
You people don't belong in the marketplace.
You'd be playing at capitalism.
Stick to what you're good at.
Teaching.
Well, some of you are good at it, anyway.
(Rupert) All our troubles started - when we gave up the old syllabus.
- (Telephone rings) - Why hanker over the good old days? - I did say no phone calls.
They were actually the bad old days.
- It's moved on since you started.
- Put him on then.
(Mouths) Yes, well, I shall be very glad to make my exit next year.
- Oh, well, we shall - (Philip) Has it? Ah Yes.
I see.
Yes.
I see.
Yes - Ah! - Ah, well, yes Thank thank you for calling, Vice-Chancellor.
Yes.
Goodbye.
- Are you all right, Philip? - I'm not I'm not hurt.
It's ah.
It's, erm It's bad news, I'm afraid.
The UGC letter's arrived.
Apparently, our grant's going to be cut by ten per cent in real terms.
It looks like we might have to lose another hundred posts.
(Bob) But that's appalling.
Where are they going to come from? We've already scraped the barrel for early retirements.
(Philip) You don't have to tell me, Bob.
I'm the one who scraped it.
Well, that's that.
There goes my last chance of keeping my job.
I'm sorry.
You're really good at it.
I've learned more about literature in the last couple of weeks than in all my years at school.
I never thought I'd like poetry, but I do, you know.
I even get bits off by heart.
(Sighs) What bits? Ahem.
In my life there was a picture She that clasped my neck had flown I was left within the shadow Sitting on the wreck alone That's rather beautiful.
Yeah, I thought it was rather appropriate.
You know, shadow.
Who wrote it? You mean I've read something you haven't? I haven't read everything, you know.
What's it from? "Locksley Hall Sixty Years After".
- Tennyson.
- I like him.
- More than Jennifer Rush? - Well! He rhymes better.
Well.
If you've learned that much, I suppose the shadow scheme hasn't been in vain.
What about you? You learned anything? Maybe.
What? (Sighs) That most of us, most of the time (Footsteps approaching) lead very blinkered lives.
(Knock at door) - Outside call for you, Robyn.
- Oh, thanks, Pamela.
Back in a minute.
- It's line two, Robyn.
- Right, thanks.
- Hello? - Hi, Robyn.
How are you? Professor Zapp! Where are you? I'm at home in Euphoria.
I read your book, and I think it's terrific.
Really? Are you going to recommend it to your university press? Oh, I already have.
But that's not what I'm calling you about.
- I'm calling you about a job.
- A job? We're making a tenure-track appointment in women's studies here, starting in the fall.
Are you interested? Well yes! Great.
I'll need your resume as soon as possible, and you'll have to come over here for a few days, meet the faculty, give a paper, the usual sort of thing.
We'll pay all your expenses, of course.
Fine.
When? - How about next week? - Next week? The week after, then.
The point is I'll level with you, Robyn.
There's another candidate that some of my dumber colleagues are backing, and I want to get you into the ball game as soon as possible.
- Well, who's the other candidate? - Don't worry about her.
She's not a serious scholar.
Just a writer.
Do what I tell you, and the job's yours.
(Sighs) Well how can I thank you? We'll work on that together.
Don't you want to know what the starting salary is? All right, what is it? Oh, you're young, of course, but I'd say not less than $40,000.
- Oh, I know that's not a lot.
- It sounds very reasonable to me.
I mean, it's twice what I'm getting here.
Great.
Don't forget the resume.
Talk to you soon.
Goodbye.
And thanks again.
(Telephone rings) All right? - Yeah.
- Hello, English department.
- Oh, just a moment.
- For me? Er, no, it's for Mr Wilcox.
- So what did he say? Hang on.
- (Knocking at door) Come in.
Mr Baxter, Mr Wilcox is here to see you.
Yeah.
(Laughs) Did he? Did he? Yeah.
Yeah, all right.
Look, look, I'll get back to you, all right? OK.
Bye now.
Ah, thanks for coming in so quickly, Vic.
No, I wasn't far away.
Yeah, the university, wasn't it? I hear you've been spending quite a lot of time there lately.
Yeah, well, I'm following up on that shadow scheme.
Oh, yes? It's in my own time.
I hear you took your shadow to Düsseldorf.
Ah, look, if you've brought me here to discuss office gossip No, I've brought you in for a much more important reason than that.
Sit down, Vic.
We're selling Pringle's.
- You can't.
- The deed's already been done.
The announcement'll be made tomorrow.
It's confidential until then, of course.
- But we made a profit last month.
- A small profit.
A very small profit, considering the turnover.
It'll improve.
I mean, the foundry's coming on a treat.
And what about that automatic core-blower? Well, Bullcast won't try to get out of the contract.
You got a good price there.
Bullcast? Yeah.
Oh, we're selling to the EFE Group.
Well, as you know, they own Bullcast.
I gather the idea is that they want to merge the two companies.
There'll be some rationalisation, of course.
Pringle's is rationalised already.
I rationalised it.
In less than a year.
Now you want to sell out to a competitor that was on its fucking knees! Look, we all think you've done a fantastic job, Vic.
It's just the board don't see Pringle's fitting into our long-term strategy.
What you mean is that by selling off Pringle's now, you can show a profit on the accounts at this year's AGM.
So it's "Goodbye and thank you, "and here's a year's salary and don't spend it all at once.
" Well, we'll let you keep the car.
Oh, well, that's all right then.
Look, Vic, I'm sorry, I really am.
I said to the people at EFE, I told them, "If you've got any sense, you'll keep Vic Wilcox on to run the new company.
" But I think they were a bit put off by the stories flying around about you.
What stories? Well, like having all the pin-ups taken down at the factory.
- The unions backed it.
- Yes, I know they did, I know.
But it's just, it seems a bit eccentric.
And all that time you've been spending at the university.
- My own time.
- Huh.
Yeah, well, that seems eccentric too.
Somebody asked me the other day if you're a born-again Christian.
(Chuckles) You're not, are you? No.
Not a Christian.
Well, I think you might find it convenient if you move your stuff out this afternoon.
Well, goodbye, Vic.
Thanks for everything.
Thanks a lot, mate.
Oh, wotcher Vic.
I thought this was one of your adult education days.
Something cropped up.
What happened to your car, then? Ah, it broke down the other side of town, so I hitched a lift back.
What's the matter? You look as though you lost a pound and found a shilling.
Come to my office, will you? So that's it, in a nutshell.
Mm-hm.
- You don't seem very surprised.
- I saw it coming.
(Sighs) I'm buggered if I did.
So I made contingency plans.
What contingency plans? Some time ago, I put a bit of money in a little business.
Only it ain't so little any more.
Riviera Sunbeds.
That was the van that dropped you just now.
Yeah.
There's all these women, all over Rummidge, see, getting ready for their annual fortnights in Majorca or Corfu.
They don't wanna go down the beach on their first day looking like lumps of lard, now, do they? - So they hire one of our - Yes, I know.
Doing all right, is it, this business? Oh, magic.
Expanding all the time.
I bought 50 new beds this week.
Made in Taiwan.
Amazing value.
You're involved in the day-to-day running, then? I keep me eye on things, you know.
Use me contacts to drum up trade, a card here, a card there.
Is that ethical? Ethical? Now come on, Vic, do me a favour.
Is what Midland Amalgamated doing to you and me ethical? No wonder we could never find you when we wanted you.
I suppose you were out delivering sunbeds.
I have dropped off the odd sunbed here and there when we were busy.
But my role's a bit more higher-level than that.
Now it wouldn't surprise me if I ended up running the business.
I'll be able to buy more shares with me golden handshake.
Golden handshake? What you deserve is a golden kick up the arse.
I've a good mind to report you to Stuart Baxter.
I wouldn't bother to do that, Vic, if I were you.
Stuart Baxter is one of the major shareholders in Riviera Sunbeds.
(Radio) Love hurts Ah, love hurts (Man) Elaine Paige there But now, it's time to (Jingle) Relax with Radio Rummidge (Man) Take it away, Dusty.
What's the matter? Make us a cup of tea and I'll tell you.
If you go away on this summer day Tell me now, Vic.
Then you might as well All right.
Pringle's has been sold to the EFE Group, and merged with Bullcast.
I've got the push, as from tomorrow.
(Gasps) Oh, Vic.
I'm so sorry for you.
All that work.
(Sighs) I'll get another job.
Of course you will, love.
But it may take time.
- You knew, didn't you? - Hm? You've known for some time this might happen.
That's why you've been acting so strange.
Yeah.
I could see it was on the cards.
Oh.
You should've told me, I've been that worried.
- We'll have to cancel the holiday.
- Oh, never mind the holiday.
- I thought I'd lost you.
- What? I thought there was another woman.
That Robyn Penrose.
Don't be daft.
Make us that cup of tea.
Well, there's one bit of good news, anyway.
- What? - Our Raymond's got a job.
Huh, you're kidding.
- You know his band? - Yeah.
Well I lent him the money for the demo tape.
You didn't! Well don't tell me it's a hit already? No, of course not, they only did it yesterday.
But while they were in the studio place, some bit of equipment went on the blink and Raymond mended it for 'em.
The boss offered him a job on the spot.
Assistant Producer, Technical.
Well, good for him.
Who's the boss? Oh, lad called Sidney.
Not much older than Raymond.
Oh.
He only started up a year ago, but Raymond says he's doing very well.
Hey, Vic! Why don't you start up on your own? Oh, it's easier said than done.
Well, you're always saying you'd like to work for yourself.
I'd need a thumping great loan.
I've got no equity to speak of.
Well this house is mortgaged up to the hilt.
If you started up on your own, Vic, I could be your secretary.
That'd be a saving.
I'll think about it.
How about that tea? - Charles.
- Robyn.
What are you doing here? Well since you're never at home, I thought I might waylay you at work.
- Oh, I've been very busy.
- (Mouths) - I finished my book.
- Congratulations.
Well Shall I follow you home? I haven't invited you to stay, Charles.
I've got something important to tell you.
Tell me here.
I'm leaving university teaching.
What are you going to do instead? I'm going to become a merchant banker.
(Laughing) What? But you don't know anything about banking.
Well, I have to have a period of training, of course, but at a higher salary than I'm getting at the moment.
After that, the sky's the limit.
Well, I hope you'll both be very happy.
Robyn, I'm not seeing Debbie any more.
Anyway, it it was nothing, believe me.
I'm not talking about you and Debbie, I'm talking about you and money.
It's not just the money that attracted me to the City.
- Oh? - Oh, it's the - It's the energy, the the democracy.
- The what? Where else could a working-class girl like Debbie pull down 30,000 a year? I mean, universities are far more reactionary institutions than banks.
Well, they don't have to be.
They're elitist were they should be egalitarian - in access.
They're egalitarian where they should be elitist - in career structure.
I worked out that if I stayed at Suffolk, I'd be stuck on lecturer grade for another ten years.
I couldn't face that.
Well, I could.
Yes, well I'm afraid they won't be replacing me.
I've taken early retirement.
Well, that's a useful lump sum.
I've put down a deposit on a flat at the Barbican.
You've driven all the way to Rummidge to tell me this, Charles? No.
I, erm - I came to make a proposal.
- Oh? What kind of proposal? Well, the usual kind of proposal.
Well, I've been thinking.
The problem with our relationship, Robyn, was always that there was never any commitment.
I'm prepared to make one.
Oh, well, I'm not.
Yes, well, we needn't live together immediately.
I thought, when your job runs out next year Well, I'm fairly confident I'll be earning enough money to support us both by then.
You mean me become a housewife? Oh, you could carry on doing your research, writing your books.
You could use the British Library.
Well, thanks for the offer, Charles, but I'm afraid I've already got a job lined up for next year.
Where? In America.
I'm flying out for an interview next week.
So, you're deserting the sinking ship too? What do you mean? It's a free enterprise culture, Robyn, the American campus.
Well, it's every man for himself.
Or woman.
- I have no choice.
- Yes, you have.
I am offering you one.
Goodbye, Charles.
Wait! Sorry.
Come on.
Sleep on it.
(Telephone ringing) Hello.
- Hello, darling.
- Oh, hello, Mummy.
Is anything wrong? Darling, a registered letter came for you today, from a law firm in Melbourne.
I signed for it and posted it on to you this afternoon.
What on earth could that be about? Your uncle Walter died recently.
- Oh, Mummy, I'm sorry.
- We heard just a few days ago.
I think he might have left you something in his will.
Well, why should he? Well, he had no children of his own.
And he always had a soft spot for you, ever since that episode with the charity collecting box.
- Oh, is that story really true? - Of course it's true.
Wouldn't it be nice if he'd left you something? Well, it would certainly come in useful.
I've just had my rates demand.
Oh, my dear, I know what you mean.
We had ours only a day or two ago.
By the way, Mummy, I may be taking a job in America.
Oh, Robyn! Why? Because there aren't any here.
( Whistling) (Screams) Whooh! I don't believe it! (Laughs) (Beeps horn) What's the matter? ( Incidental music) Can they do that to you? Chuck you out, just like that, without notice? Afraid so.
Well, they know I could screw up the entire company if I wanted to.
Not that I'd lower meself.
(Sighs) Well, I'm sorry, Vic.
- You must be devastated.
- (Scoffs) Win some, lose some.
I suppose Marjorie's very upset? No.
Marjorie's been terrific.
As a matter of fact we've had a sort of reconciliation.
Well, I'm glad, Vic.
I'm really glad.
Well, a thing like this, it makes you see where your responsibilities lie.
I'm afraid I've been a bit foolish.
Don't worry about it.
I've been living in a dream.
I must have been out of my mind, thinking you'd see anything in a middle-aged engineer.
One day you'll meet a bloke who deserves you.
I don't need a man to complete me.
- Like Diana.
- What? Ah, you you just remind me of a picture I saw years ago.
So, what are you going to do now? Look for another job? Well, you remember that idea for a spectrometer I told you about? Vaguely, yes.
Well I'm thinking of starting up in business with that.
Brilliant! It's the perfect opportunity! Yeah, well, I talked to Tom Rigby last night, and he's game.
I mean, it's a question of raising the necessary capital.
There's a long way to go before we could even make a prototype.
It'll look risky to the banks.
I've got a lot of capital.
I'll invest it in your spectrometer.
I'll be a a what do you call it, a sleeping partner.
I'm talking six figures here.
So am I, Vic.
I'm rich! An uncle in Australia has died and left me £165,000.
I just heard this morning.
Well, congratulations.
Take it.
Use it, I don't want it.
I'd rather go and work in America.
I can't take it all, it wouldn't be right.
Well, take 100,000, then.
Is that enough? - Just about.
- Well, that's settled, then.
You could lose it all, you know.
Oh, I trust you, Vic, I've seen you in action.
I've shadowed you.
Remember? On the other hand, you might end up a millionaire.
- How do you feel about that? - I'll risk it.
- You should sleep on it.
- I don't want to sleep on it.
I slept on a proposal of marriage last night, and it was a complete waste of time.
A proposal? - Who from? - Charles.
I thought you weren't seeing him any more.
I'm not.
Are you going to turn him down? Of course.
I thought I might do it by gorillagram actually, send it to him at work.
- No, don't do that.
- Why not? It's too cruel.
Whatever he's done.
You really are just a big softie at heart, aren't you, Vic? (Chuckles) Well, maybe I am.
But, er But what? I don't think it's ever been broken, has it, your heart? (Knock at door) Oh.
Sorry.
It's all right.
I was just going.
Er, I've brought back a couple of your books.
I'd like to keep the Tennyson, if you don't need it.
- As a souvenir.
- Of course.
What did you mean just now about, er about my heart not having been broken? Oh, nothing.
It's none of my business, anyway.
- I'll be off, then.
- I do have a heart, you know.
It it's just that I feel for the collective, rather than the individual.
Sure.
I'll be in touch about the investment.
Call in.
Any time.
No, I'll write.
I don't want to push me luck.
Bye, Robyn.
Bye, Vic.
Robyn.
It's not true, is it, that you're going to America? Good God! Is there no privacy in this place? - Who told you that? - I heard it in the ladies.
- Somebody was talking about it.
Only - (Mouths) I wanted to do your women's writing course next term.
I can't discuss my plans with you, Marion.
It's a private matter.
Oh, look, I don't even know what I'm doing myself next year.
I need time to think.
Well I hope you don't go.
You're the best teacher in the department, everybody says so.
Was there anything else, Marion? Oh, um, only my essay from last term.
Oh, right.
Yes, I'm sorry I've had it so long.
Here we are.
B plus, a distinct improvement.
But are you sure you've acknowledged all your sources? What? Er, "The only solutions the Victorian novelist "had to offer the problems of industrial capitalism "were a legacy, marriage, or emigration.
" - Did you get that out of a book? - No.
I got it from you.
Ah.
Yes, well, try and put it into your own words.
(Knock at door) Oh, ah, Robyn, could you spare a moment? Er, yes, we've just about finished.
Good morning, Sally.
I've, erm, sent that reference off to America.
Oh, that was quick.
Thanks.
Oh, it implies no eagerness on my part, I do assure you, Robyn.
In fact, I don't quite know how we'll manage without you.
A lot of students have signed up for your courses next year.
You did say, back in January, that if a job came up I should apply for it.
Mm, mm, yes, quite right, quite right.
Mm.
Well, it's not that I particularly want to go to the States, but I do want a job.
Hm.
That's what I wanted to talk to you about.
You see, er, I've discovered what "virement" means.
- Virement? - Mm.
I found it in the revised Collins.
Apparently it means the freedom to apply funds designated for one purpose to another.
We haven't had it before, but we're going to get it now, and with the restructuring of the faculty, and the closure of Egyptology, it's just possible that we might be able to replace Rupert Sutcliffe when he retires next year, in spite of the cuts.
I see.
So, er I wondered, in the circumstances, whether you'd be prepared to stay on next year, and, er, see what happens.
(Vic) It's a nice idea.
But it wouldn't be long and the Bunsen burners nicked Something's happened to this country.
Robyn? All right.
- I'll stay.
- Hm! Goin' undecided You know it's twice as bad for sure Someone said Someone said Of two lives love has torn apart But I believe whoever wrote that song - Never had a broken heart - Oh, no I can't believe it's over It's over Cos I I, I need you more than ever And ever Someone said Someone said that time would ease Of two lives love has torn apart But I believe I believe whoever wrote that song Never had a broken heart Never had a broken heart Someone said Someone said that time would ease Of two lives love has torn apart But I believe I believe whoever wrote that song Never had a broken heart Never had a broken heart Someone said that time Of losing your love Well, but I believe
Please phone me.
At work.
(Beep) Robyn? Are you there? This is me again.
I must talk to you.
(Beep) (Hangs up) (Beep) (Hangs up) (Beep) (Hangs up) (Beep) Hello Robyn, this is Charles.
Can you call me back? Thanks.
(Beep) (Vic) Robyn.
Look, all I want to do is talk.
You can't avoid me forever.
Please.
(Beep) (Hangs up) (Beep) Robyn, this is Charles again.
If you don't return this call, and you know how much - Well, sod you, Charles! - (Beep) (Hangs up) (Beep) Ah.
Erm Er, Robyn, Erm, I wonder if you'd be free on the evening of Saturday, We're having a few people Erm, oh, and, er, Morris Zapp is staying with us, an old friend from the States.
I I daresay you know his work.
Erm, er, yes.
Er, bye.
(Philip) Sam, Meryl, well, I'm glad you could make it.
Go on through.
Hilary's down at the end of the hall.
- Hello, Philip.
- Ah, Robyn.
There you are.
I'm glad you got my message.
You've been rather elusive during the vac.
- Yes, I've been away.
- Holiday? - Philip, where are the Twiglets? - In the kitchen, by the recipe books.
- You know, er, Robyn Penrose? - Oh, Robyn, of course.
- Hello.
- It's nice to see you.
I'll take that.
- Thanks.
- A holiday? - Well, more of a retreat.
- Ooooh! You may well ask - I've been staying with my parents.
- Oh, sorry, Jack, excuse me.
- Sorry.
- Let me introduce you to Morris Zapp.
- I think he's in need of rescuing.
- I'm looking forward to meeting him.
Oh, good God, no, I wouldn't care to be at Essex, frankly.
- No, or Keele.
- Oh, poor old Keele.
- Oh, no, one shouldn't laugh, I'm sorry.
- (Laughs) - Hello, Ruth.
- Hello, Rupert.
Have you been here all evening? Cuts, cuts, cuts.
That's all anybody'll talk about here.
Somebody should write a book called Cuts.
Well, there is a musical, I believe.
(Woman) Well I wouldn't like to be a sociologist here at the moment.
- (Man) Absolutely - That's Cats, Phil.
- Are you getting deaf? - Pardon? No, no, I don't think so.
I said cuts.
Busby was just bending my ear on the subject.
- Because the cuts - That's what life is like in British universities these days.
I spend my entire life on committees arguing about cuts, and how to implement them.
I I haven't read a book in months, let alone written one.
- Well, I have.
- Read or written? Written.
The first draft, anyway, that's what I've been working on during the vac.
Ah, Robyn, you're an example to us all.
However shall we manage without you? Tell me about your book, Robyn.
Well, my working title is Woman as Sign and Commodity in Victorian Fiction.
- Really? - Er, yes, excuse me.
- Erm, Hilary, can we have the canapés? - Let's find a quiet place and sit down.
(Woman) Well, subject meaning area of study, or subject meaning what we used to call the individual self? (Man) Well, I suppose both, really.
The trouble is, some of our colleagues have only heard of the first sense.
- Oh, hello, Bob.
- How are you? We were just saying that there is a certain amount of dead wood in the faculty.
Yes, people who haven't had a new idea for years.
Mm, mm, I know.
Where is he? I saw old Sutcliffe in the photocopying room the other day.
He was xeroxing his old dog-eared lecture notes so they looked like new ones.
I've got to mark paper 12 with him this year.
They're very important, I think, because, er, in his own idiosyncratic way Hardy did challenge the stereotypes.
And my last chapter is a sort of manifesto for a feminist poetics of fiction.
That is interesting.
Do you have a publisher for your book in America? - Not yet.
- I'm a reader for Euphoria University Press.
I'd really like to read your book.
Well, that's very kind of you.
I'd certainly value another opinion.
Can you drop a manuscript here before 8:30 tomorrow morning? I'm catching the 9:45 shuttle to Heathrow.
OK, fine.
Of course, I may not like it, but you look like a smart girl to me.
- Person.
- Person! Sorry.
Morris, you really mustn't monopolise Dr Penrose.
- Well, actually, I was just about to go.
- Oh, so soon? Yes, work to do.
Thanks for a lovely party.
Er, nice meeting you.
I'll see you tomorrow, then.
Good, er Now you can monopolise me for a while, Morris.
(Morris) Terrific seeing you again, Hilary.
(Philip) Come on, Morris, the taxi's here.
(Morris) He'll wait, Phil.
He'll wait.
(Philip) Professor Zapp for the airport.
He's catching the 9:45 shuttle.
- You will get him there on time? - Morning, Philip.
Robyn! What are you doing here at this hour in the morning? Oh, delivering my book to Professor Zapp.
Great, I'll read it on the plane.
Is your phone number on the manuscript? - Oh, no.
Have you got a pen? - Morris, the taxi.
- Thanks.
- Relax, Phil.
I've got plenty of time.
But the meter's ticking over.
- So what? - (Sighs) Ah, I'm sorry.
I've become rather obsessive about waste, since I became dean.
There you are.
Home and department numbers.
Thanks.
You should come back to Euphoria State, and watch us spending money.
- (Laughs) - It would do you good.
Do you intend to stay there until you retire? Sure.
I have a contract that says no one in humanities is to be paid more than I.
Why so modest, Morris? Why restrict it just to the humanities? Oh, you've got to be realistic.
Guys that can blow up the world or cure cancer - deserve a bit more than we literary critics.
- (Chuckles) If I like your book, I'll phone you.
If I don't, I'll mail it back.
- Ciao.
- Bye.
(Philip) Go with the flow, Morris.
(Robyn) He's fun, isn't he? (Philip) He's an amiable rogue.
I can't think why he's so interested in your book, though.
He's never had much time for feminists since Desiree became one.
- Desiree Zapp, the novelist? - Mm.
- I didn't know she was his wife.
- Oh, ex-wife.
Well, very ex.
Oh, look, er, can I invite you in for a cup of coffee? Oh, thanks, but I've been up all night printing out my book.
All I want to do is fall into bed.
I'll see you tomorrow, then.
- First day of term! - Right.
- Morning, Robyn.
- Hello.
Robyn, I do need those marks for Women in Writing.
- God, yes.
End of the week.
I promise.
- Yes, please.
- Hello, Jack.
- Bob.
- Enjoy the party? - Oh, hi, Bob.
Yes, it was lovely.
- Did you hear about Hilary Swallow? - No.
- Hi, Bob.
Hi, Robyn.
- Hello.
After you left, she got even more pissed and disappeared upstairs with old Zapp.
- You're kidding! - Well, you You know they had this wild thing during the '60s? - I don't believe it! - Mm! More anon.
See ya.
- Hi Robyn.
- Hello, Simon.
- I'm getting a coffee, do you want one? - Oh, thanks, yes.
(Philip) What time were you expected? (Vic) Well, I don't know.
I wasn't really expected at any time, but I just turned up about nine, you know.
(Philip) Well here she is.
Ah, Robyn, there you are.
I just met your shadow outside your door.
Oh, sorry.
"Alone and palely loitering.
" Keats.
Apparently he's been here since nine o'clock.
- Hello.
- What do you mean, my shadow? Yes, I did tell Mr Wilcox that our day starts a little later.
What do you mean, my shadow? Er, the the second part of the shadow scheme.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Oh, so you you weren't expecting Mr Wilcox this morning? - Not this morning or any morning.
- Well, I wrote to you about it.
Excuse me, please.
Thanks.
- The letter must have gone astray.
- Ah, well, let me explain.
Ahem.
In the vacation, while you were away, Mr Wilcox wrote to the VC, suggesting a follow-up to the shadow scheme.
It seems he was so impressed with the experiment, he thought it ought to be continued in reverse, so to speak.
Well, me me shadowing you.
I mean, after all, we in industry have a lot to learn too.
- No way.
- (Philip) Ah, jolly good! - Look, I'll see you at coffee.
- I said I won't do it! Well, er er er w why not? Mr Wilcox knows.
- No I don't.
- Erm, er When we first met, you expressed utter contempt for the work I do.
I was prejudiced.
That's what the shadow scheme's for, isn't it, to overcome prejudice? - (Woman) Hi, Robyn! - Uh, hi.
I'll be with you in a minute.
But look He'd he'd have to sit in on my classes, it's not fair on my students.
I wouldn't interfere.
I I'd just be a fly on the wall.
I honestly don't think the students would object, Robyn.
I'm surprised Mr Wilcox can be spared from his factory.
I thought he was indispensable.
No, things are running smoothly at the moment, and, er I've got a lot of holiday owing.
Yes, I, er, think if Mr Wilcox is prepared to use his own time, that we The VC is most enthusiastic.
I don't seem to have much choice, do I? - Come on.
- (Philip) Oh, good.
Well, I'll leave you in good hands, then, metaphorically speaking.
(Giggles) Although he often criticised the materialism of Victorian society, Tennyson also took an interest in its inventions and achievements.
The line in "Locksley Hall", "Let the great world spin for ever down the ringing grooves of change" reflects the optimistic spirit of the Railway Age.
Tennyson was, however Yes, Mr Wilcox? He must have been thinking of trams, not trains.
- Train wheels don't run in grooves.
- (Laughing) You find that an amusing suggestion, Simon? Well, trams, they're not exactly poetic, are they? Well, it's, erm It's an interesting, if trivial, crux.
This is what Tennyson himself said.
"When I went by the first train from Liverpool to Manchester, "I thought that the wheels ran in a groove.
"It was a black night and there was such a vast crowd "round the train at the station that we couldn't see the wheels.
"Then I made this line.
" Huh.
He didn't make it very well then, did he? So, what's the answer? Is it a train or a tram? What do you two think? Helen? Well, if Tennyson thought he was describing a train, then it's a train, I suppose.
Not necessarily.
Er, that's the intentional fallacy.
Well, it's, er, a kind of aporia.
A what? An aporia.
A-P-O-R-I-A.
Erm a figure of undecidable ambiguity, or irresolvable contradiction.
It derives from a Greek word that means a path that gives out, leaving you stranded.
You mean, it's a duff line? On the contrary, I think it's the best line in a generally deplorable poem.
Carry on, Marion.
Tennyson was, however, better at emotions than ideas.
The lyrical poems in Maud, like "Come into the garden, Maud", are more effective than the hero's social polemics.
Yes, Mr Wilcox? "Come into the garden, Maud" isn't a poem, it's a song.
A very popular song.
My grandad used to sing it.
Tennyson wrote it as a poem and then somebody else set it to music.
Oh, sorry, my mistake.
Or is it, er, an aporia? (All laughing) No, it's a mistake.
Go on, please, Marion.
Oh, well, I was just going to quote some of Maud.
"She is coming, my dove, my dear "She is coming, my life, my fate "The red rose cries, 'She is near, she is near' "And the white rose weeps, 'She is late' "The larkspur listens, 'I hear, I hear' And the lily whispers, 'I wait"' - (Simon) Thanks, Robyn.
- OK.
I'll see you next week.
- Coming for a coffee? - I've got a lecture.
- Here, Robyn.
- Thanks, Marion.
That was much better.
- Boring.
- It's a bit of a mess, I think.
It was fine, really.
I'll give it back next week.
- OK.
Thanks, Robyn.
- Bye.
(Students giggling) Can I, erm Can I borrow this? Yes.
Why, as a matter of interest? Well, I thought if I give it a good read, I might have a better idea of what's going on next week.
- Oh, we're finished with Tennyson.
- Oh.
It's Daniel Deronda next week.
Do you want to swap? Erm No, I'll, er I'll take 'em both.
Why didn't you answer my letters? - I didn't even open them.
- That wasn't very nice.
I knew all too well what would be in them.
Didn't it mean anything to you, Düsseldorf? It was an aporia.
A path that led nowhere.
It's left me stranded, all right.
I mean I can't go forward, I can't go back.
(Sighs) I'm sorry, Vic, but surely you can see it's impossible.
I mean, we're too different.
I could change.
I already have changed.
I I've started reading, you know, proper books.
- What books? - Oh - Jane Eyre, and and the other one.
- Wuthering Heights? Yeah, I've read 'em both.
Go on, ask me about them.
It's not just a matter of books, Vic.
Look, I got rid of the pin-ups at the factory.
- I've given the women in - What? I got the unions to put it to a vote.
The Asians swung it.
They're a bit prudish, you know.
Well I'm impressed.
Robyn! Give me a chance! Get up, you fool! Mr Wilcox has dropped his pen, Marion.
- Can you see it anywhere? - Er.
No.
Sorry.
I just came back for this.
Er I've, erm got another lecture, I must dash.
Er, sorry.
Right.
That's it! (Gasping) I'm sorry, I got carried away.
Please leave, now.
Let me stay.
It won't happen again.
I don't trust you, I think you're a bit mad.
I promise.
No more love stuff? No.
No more references to Düsseldorf? All right.
Do you know what you looked like just now? An illustration out of a Victorian novel! (Laughs) God knows what Marion made of it.
Oh come on, let's get some more coffee.
(Sighs) Which brings me to the next item on the agenda, the DEVs.
What in God's name are they? Er, Department Enterprise Ventures.
The VC wants every department to put forward projects for raising money from the private sector.
Do you mean something like a jumble sale? Or a flag day? No, no, no, Rupert! - Consultancies.
- Well, that's more your line of country.
- Research facilities.
What have we got - Nothing to do with a university.
- That's a stupid - What have we got, as a department, that's marketable? We've got a lot of pretty girls.
(Sniggers) I don't understand this.
I mean for God's sake, we're already overstretched teaching students and doing our own research.
That's what we're here for, it's important work, it's valuable.
Where are we to find the time and energy to make money on the side as well? - It's ludicrous! - (Stutters) The the the theory is that with the additional income generated, we should be able to hire more staff.
It's the spirit of the times.
Erm self-help.
- Venture capitalism.
- (Scoffs) Isn't that, er, right, Mr Wilcox? Well, I agree with Dr Penrose.
You people don't belong in the marketplace.
You'd be playing at capitalism.
Stick to what you're good at.
Teaching.
Well, some of you are good at it, anyway.
(Rupert) All our troubles started - when we gave up the old syllabus.
- (Telephone rings) - Why hanker over the good old days? - I did say no phone calls.
They were actually the bad old days.
- It's moved on since you started.
- Put him on then.
(Mouths) Yes, well, I shall be very glad to make my exit next year.
- Oh, well, we shall - (Philip) Has it? Ah Yes.
I see.
Yes.
I see.
Yes - Ah! - Ah, well, yes Thank thank you for calling, Vice-Chancellor.
Yes.
Goodbye.
- Are you all right, Philip? - I'm not I'm not hurt.
It's ah.
It's, erm It's bad news, I'm afraid.
The UGC letter's arrived.
Apparently, our grant's going to be cut by ten per cent in real terms.
It looks like we might have to lose another hundred posts.
(Bob) But that's appalling.
Where are they going to come from? We've already scraped the barrel for early retirements.
(Philip) You don't have to tell me, Bob.
I'm the one who scraped it.
Well, that's that.
There goes my last chance of keeping my job.
I'm sorry.
You're really good at it.
I've learned more about literature in the last couple of weeks than in all my years at school.
I never thought I'd like poetry, but I do, you know.
I even get bits off by heart.
(Sighs) What bits? Ahem.
In my life there was a picture She that clasped my neck had flown I was left within the shadow Sitting on the wreck alone That's rather beautiful.
Yeah, I thought it was rather appropriate.
You know, shadow.
Who wrote it? You mean I've read something you haven't? I haven't read everything, you know.
What's it from? "Locksley Hall Sixty Years After".
- Tennyson.
- I like him.
- More than Jennifer Rush? - Well! He rhymes better.
Well.
If you've learned that much, I suppose the shadow scheme hasn't been in vain.
What about you? You learned anything? Maybe.
What? (Sighs) That most of us, most of the time (Footsteps approaching) lead very blinkered lives.
(Knock at door) - Outside call for you, Robyn.
- Oh, thanks, Pamela.
Back in a minute.
- It's line two, Robyn.
- Right, thanks.
- Hello? - Hi, Robyn.
How are you? Professor Zapp! Where are you? I'm at home in Euphoria.
I read your book, and I think it's terrific.
Really? Are you going to recommend it to your university press? Oh, I already have.
But that's not what I'm calling you about.
- I'm calling you about a job.
- A job? We're making a tenure-track appointment in women's studies here, starting in the fall.
Are you interested? Well yes! Great.
I'll need your resume as soon as possible, and you'll have to come over here for a few days, meet the faculty, give a paper, the usual sort of thing.
We'll pay all your expenses, of course.
Fine.
When? - How about next week? - Next week? The week after, then.
The point is I'll level with you, Robyn.
There's another candidate that some of my dumber colleagues are backing, and I want to get you into the ball game as soon as possible.
- Well, who's the other candidate? - Don't worry about her.
She's not a serious scholar.
Just a writer.
Do what I tell you, and the job's yours.
(Sighs) Well how can I thank you? We'll work on that together.
Don't you want to know what the starting salary is? All right, what is it? Oh, you're young, of course, but I'd say not less than $40,000.
- Oh, I know that's not a lot.
- It sounds very reasonable to me.
I mean, it's twice what I'm getting here.
Great.
Don't forget the resume.
Talk to you soon.
Goodbye.
And thanks again.
(Telephone rings) All right? - Yeah.
- Hello, English department.
- Oh, just a moment.
- For me? Er, no, it's for Mr Wilcox.
- So what did he say? Hang on.
- (Knocking at door) Come in.
Mr Baxter, Mr Wilcox is here to see you.
Yeah.
(Laughs) Did he? Did he? Yeah.
Yeah, all right.
Look, look, I'll get back to you, all right? OK.
Bye now.
Ah, thanks for coming in so quickly, Vic.
No, I wasn't far away.
Yeah, the university, wasn't it? I hear you've been spending quite a lot of time there lately.
Yeah, well, I'm following up on that shadow scheme.
Oh, yes? It's in my own time.
I hear you took your shadow to Düsseldorf.
Ah, look, if you've brought me here to discuss office gossip No, I've brought you in for a much more important reason than that.
Sit down, Vic.
We're selling Pringle's.
- You can't.
- The deed's already been done.
The announcement'll be made tomorrow.
It's confidential until then, of course.
- But we made a profit last month.
- A small profit.
A very small profit, considering the turnover.
It'll improve.
I mean, the foundry's coming on a treat.
And what about that automatic core-blower? Well, Bullcast won't try to get out of the contract.
You got a good price there.
Bullcast? Yeah.
Oh, we're selling to the EFE Group.
Well, as you know, they own Bullcast.
I gather the idea is that they want to merge the two companies.
There'll be some rationalisation, of course.
Pringle's is rationalised already.
I rationalised it.
In less than a year.
Now you want to sell out to a competitor that was on its fucking knees! Look, we all think you've done a fantastic job, Vic.
It's just the board don't see Pringle's fitting into our long-term strategy.
What you mean is that by selling off Pringle's now, you can show a profit on the accounts at this year's AGM.
So it's "Goodbye and thank you, "and here's a year's salary and don't spend it all at once.
" Well, we'll let you keep the car.
Oh, well, that's all right then.
Look, Vic, I'm sorry, I really am.
I said to the people at EFE, I told them, "If you've got any sense, you'll keep Vic Wilcox on to run the new company.
" But I think they were a bit put off by the stories flying around about you.
What stories? Well, like having all the pin-ups taken down at the factory.
- The unions backed it.
- Yes, I know they did, I know.
But it's just, it seems a bit eccentric.
And all that time you've been spending at the university.
- My own time.
- Huh.
Yeah, well, that seems eccentric too.
Somebody asked me the other day if you're a born-again Christian.
(Chuckles) You're not, are you? No.
Not a Christian.
Well, I think you might find it convenient if you move your stuff out this afternoon.
Well, goodbye, Vic.
Thanks for everything.
Thanks a lot, mate.
Oh, wotcher Vic.
I thought this was one of your adult education days.
Something cropped up.
What happened to your car, then? Ah, it broke down the other side of town, so I hitched a lift back.
What's the matter? You look as though you lost a pound and found a shilling.
Come to my office, will you? So that's it, in a nutshell.
Mm-hm.
- You don't seem very surprised.
- I saw it coming.
(Sighs) I'm buggered if I did.
So I made contingency plans.
What contingency plans? Some time ago, I put a bit of money in a little business.
Only it ain't so little any more.
Riviera Sunbeds.
That was the van that dropped you just now.
Yeah.
There's all these women, all over Rummidge, see, getting ready for their annual fortnights in Majorca or Corfu.
They don't wanna go down the beach on their first day looking like lumps of lard, now, do they? - So they hire one of our - Yes, I know.
Doing all right, is it, this business? Oh, magic.
Expanding all the time.
I bought 50 new beds this week.
Made in Taiwan.
Amazing value.
You're involved in the day-to-day running, then? I keep me eye on things, you know.
Use me contacts to drum up trade, a card here, a card there.
Is that ethical? Ethical? Now come on, Vic, do me a favour.
Is what Midland Amalgamated doing to you and me ethical? No wonder we could never find you when we wanted you.
I suppose you were out delivering sunbeds.
I have dropped off the odd sunbed here and there when we were busy.
But my role's a bit more higher-level than that.
Now it wouldn't surprise me if I ended up running the business.
I'll be able to buy more shares with me golden handshake.
Golden handshake? What you deserve is a golden kick up the arse.
I've a good mind to report you to Stuart Baxter.
I wouldn't bother to do that, Vic, if I were you.
Stuart Baxter is one of the major shareholders in Riviera Sunbeds.
(Radio) Love hurts Ah, love hurts (Man) Elaine Paige there But now, it's time to (Jingle) Relax with Radio Rummidge (Man) Take it away, Dusty.
What's the matter? Make us a cup of tea and I'll tell you.
If you go away on this summer day Tell me now, Vic.
Then you might as well All right.
Pringle's has been sold to the EFE Group, and merged with Bullcast.
I've got the push, as from tomorrow.
(Gasps) Oh, Vic.
I'm so sorry for you.
All that work.
(Sighs) I'll get another job.
Of course you will, love.
But it may take time.
- You knew, didn't you? - Hm? You've known for some time this might happen.
That's why you've been acting so strange.
Yeah.
I could see it was on the cards.
Oh.
You should've told me, I've been that worried.
- We'll have to cancel the holiday.
- Oh, never mind the holiday.
- I thought I'd lost you.
- What? I thought there was another woman.
That Robyn Penrose.
Don't be daft.
Make us that cup of tea.
Well, there's one bit of good news, anyway.
- What? - Our Raymond's got a job.
Huh, you're kidding.
- You know his band? - Yeah.
Well I lent him the money for the demo tape.
You didn't! Well don't tell me it's a hit already? No, of course not, they only did it yesterday.
But while they were in the studio place, some bit of equipment went on the blink and Raymond mended it for 'em.
The boss offered him a job on the spot.
Assistant Producer, Technical.
Well, good for him.
Who's the boss? Oh, lad called Sidney.
Not much older than Raymond.
Oh.
He only started up a year ago, but Raymond says he's doing very well.
Hey, Vic! Why don't you start up on your own? Oh, it's easier said than done.
Well, you're always saying you'd like to work for yourself.
I'd need a thumping great loan.
I've got no equity to speak of.
Well this house is mortgaged up to the hilt.
If you started up on your own, Vic, I could be your secretary.
That'd be a saving.
I'll think about it.
How about that tea? - Charles.
- Robyn.
What are you doing here? Well since you're never at home, I thought I might waylay you at work.
- Oh, I've been very busy.
- (Mouths) - I finished my book.
- Congratulations.
Well Shall I follow you home? I haven't invited you to stay, Charles.
I've got something important to tell you.
Tell me here.
I'm leaving university teaching.
What are you going to do instead? I'm going to become a merchant banker.
(Laughing) What? But you don't know anything about banking.
Well, I have to have a period of training, of course, but at a higher salary than I'm getting at the moment.
After that, the sky's the limit.
Well, I hope you'll both be very happy.
Robyn, I'm not seeing Debbie any more.
Anyway, it it was nothing, believe me.
I'm not talking about you and Debbie, I'm talking about you and money.
It's not just the money that attracted me to the City.
- Oh? - Oh, it's the - It's the energy, the the democracy.
- The what? Where else could a working-class girl like Debbie pull down 30,000 a year? I mean, universities are far more reactionary institutions than banks.
Well, they don't have to be.
They're elitist were they should be egalitarian - in access.
They're egalitarian where they should be elitist - in career structure.
I worked out that if I stayed at Suffolk, I'd be stuck on lecturer grade for another ten years.
I couldn't face that.
Well, I could.
Yes, well I'm afraid they won't be replacing me.
I've taken early retirement.
Well, that's a useful lump sum.
I've put down a deposit on a flat at the Barbican.
You've driven all the way to Rummidge to tell me this, Charles? No.
I, erm - I came to make a proposal.
- Oh? What kind of proposal? Well, the usual kind of proposal.
Well, I've been thinking.
The problem with our relationship, Robyn, was always that there was never any commitment.
I'm prepared to make one.
Oh, well, I'm not.
Yes, well, we needn't live together immediately.
I thought, when your job runs out next year Well, I'm fairly confident I'll be earning enough money to support us both by then.
You mean me become a housewife? Oh, you could carry on doing your research, writing your books.
You could use the British Library.
Well, thanks for the offer, Charles, but I'm afraid I've already got a job lined up for next year.
Where? In America.
I'm flying out for an interview next week.
So, you're deserting the sinking ship too? What do you mean? It's a free enterprise culture, Robyn, the American campus.
Well, it's every man for himself.
Or woman.
- I have no choice.
- Yes, you have.
I am offering you one.
Goodbye, Charles.
Wait! Sorry.
Come on.
Sleep on it.
(Telephone ringing) Hello.
- Hello, darling.
- Oh, hello, Mummy.
Is anything wrong? Darling, a registered letter came for you today, from a law firm in Melbourne.
I signed for it and posted it on to you this afternoon.
What on earth could that be about? Your uncle Walter died recently.
- Oh, Mummy, I'm sorry.
- We heard just a few days ago.
I think he might have left you something in his will.
Well, why should he? Well, he had no children of his own.
And he always had a soft spot for you, ever since that episode with the charity collecting box.
- Oh, is that story really true? - Of course it's true.
Wouldn't it be nice if he'd left you something? Well, it would certainly come in useful.
I've just had my rates demand.
Oh, my dear, I know what you mean.
We had ours only a day or two ago.
By the way, Mummy, I may be taking a job in America.
Oh, Robyn! Why? Because there aren't any here.
( Whistling) (Screams) Whooh! I don't believe it! (Laughs) (Beeps horn) What's the matter? ( Incidental music) Can they do that to you? Chuck you out, just like that, without notice? Afraid so.
Well, they know I could screw up the entire company if I wanted to.
Not that I'd lower meself.
(Sighs) Well, I'm sorry, Vic.
- You must be devastated.
- (Scoffs) Win some, lose some.
I suppose Marjorie's very upset? No.
Marjorie's been terrific.
As a matter of fact we've had a sort of reconciliation.
Well, I'm glad, Vic.
I'm really glad.
Well, a thing like this, it makes you see where your responsibilities lie.
I'm afraid I've been a bit foolish.
Don't worry about it.
I've been living in a dream.
I must have been out of my mind, thinking you'd see anything in a middle-aged engineer.
One day you'll meet a bloke who deserves you.
I don't need a man to complete me.
- Like Diana.
- What? Ah, you you just remind me of a picture I saw years ago.
So, what are you going to do now? Look for another job? Well, you remember that idea for a spectrometer I told you about? Vaguely, yes.
Well I'm thinking of starting up in business with that.
Brilliant! It's the perfect opportunity! Yeah, well, I talked to Tom Rigby last night, and he's game.
I mean, it's a question of raising the necessary capital.
There's a long way to go before we could even make a prototype.
It'll look risky to the banks.
I've got a lot of capital.
I'll invest it in your spectrometer.
I'll be a a what do you call it, a sleeping partner.
I'm talking six figures here.
So am I, Vic.
I'm rich! An uncle in Australia has died and left me £165,000.
I just heard this morning.
Well, congratulations.
Take it.
Use it, I don't want it.
I'd rather go and work in America.
I can't take it all, it wouldn't be right.
Well, take 100,000, then.
Is that enough? - Just about.
- Well, that's settled, then.
You could lose it all, you know.
Oh, I trust you, Vic, I've seen you in action.
I've shadowed you.
Remember? On the other hand, you might end up a millionaire.
- How do you feel about that? - I'll risk it.
- You should sleep on it.
- I don't want to sleep on it.
I slept on a proposal of marriage last night, and it was a complete waste of time.
A proposal? - Who from? - Charles.
I thought you weren't seeing him any more.
I'm not.
Are you going to turn him down? Of course.
I thought I might do it by gorillagram actually, send it to him at work.
- No, don't do that.
- Why not? It's too cruel.
Whatever he's done.
You really are just a big softie at heart, aren't you, Vic? (Chuckles) Well, maybe I am.
But, er But what? I don't think it's ever been broken, has it, your heart? (Knock at door) Oh.
Sorry.
It's all right.
I was just going.
Er, I've brought back a couple of your books.
I'd like to keep the Tennyson, if you don't need it.
- As a souvenir.
- Of course.
What did you mean just now about, er about my heart not having been broken? Oh, nothing.
It's none of my business, anyway.
- I'll be off, then.
- I do have a heart, you know.
It it's just that I feel for the collective, rather than the individual.
Sure.
I'll be in touch about the investment.
Call in.
Any time.
No, I'll write.
I don't want to push me luck.
Bye, Robyn.
Bye, Vic.
Robyn.
It's not true, is it, that you're going to America? Good God! Is there no privacy in this place? - Who told you that? - I heard it in the ladies.
- Somebody was talking about it.
Only - (Mouths) I wanted to do your women's writing course next term.
I can't discuss my plans with you, Marion.
It's a private matter.
Oh, look, I don't even know what I'm doing myself next year.
I need time to think.
Well I hope you don't go.
You're the best teacher in the department, everybody says so.
Was there anything else, Marion? Oh, um, only my essay from last term.
Oh, right.
Yes, I'm sorry I've had it so long.
Here we are.
B plus, a distinct improvement.
But are you sure you've acknowledged all your sources? What? Er, "The only solutions the Victorian novelist "had to offer the problems of industrial capitalism "were a legacy, marriage, or emigration.
" - Did you get that out of a book? - No.
I got it from you.
Ah.
Yes, well, try and put it into your own words.
(Knock at door) Oh, ah, Robyn, could you spare a moment? Er, yes, we've just about finished.
Good morning, Sally.
I've, erm, sent that reference off to America.
Oh, that was quick.
Thanks.
Oh, it implies no eagerness on my part, I do assure you, Robyn.
In fact, I don't quite know how we'll manage without you.
A lot of students have signed up for your courses next year.
You did say, back in January, that if a job came up I should apply for it.
Mm, mm, yes, quite right, quite right.
Mm.
Well, it's not that I particularly want to go to the States, but I do want a job.
Hm.
That's what I wanted to talk to you about.
You see, er, I've discovered what "virement" means.
- Virement? - Mm.
I found it in the revised Collins.
Apparently it means the freedom to apply funds designated for one purpose to another.
We haven't had it before, but we're going to get it now, and with the restructuring of the faculty, and the closure of Egyptology, it's just possible that we might be able to replace Rupert Sutcliffe when he retires next year, in spite of the cuts.
I see.
So, er I wondered, in the circumstances, whether you'd be prepared to stay on next year, and, er, see what happens.
(Vic) It's a nice idea.
But it wouldn't be long and the Bunsen burners nicked Something's happened to this country.
Robyn? All right.
- I'll stay.
- Hm! Goin' undecided You know it's twice as bad for sure Someone said Someone said Of two lives love has torn apart But I believe whoever wrote that song - Never had a broken heart - Oh, no I can't believe it's over It's over Cos I I, I need you more than ever And ever Someone said Someone said that time would ease Of two lives love has torn apart But I believe I believe whoever wrote that song Never had a broken heart Never had a broken heart Someone said Someone said that time would ease Of two lives love has torn apart But I believe I believe whoever wrote that song Never had a broken heart Never had a broken heart Someone said that time Of losing your love Well, but I believe