No Good Nick (2019) s02e02 Episode Script

The Big Mitt

1 Good news.
I know what cause we should promote at the poker night fundraiser.
Um Shouldn't we wait for Becky? Don't worry, she's going to love it.
So the blue whale is on the brink of extinction.
So let's get people at the fundraiser to adopt a whale.
Adopt a whale? My bathtub is not big enough.
Yeah, so, anyway how does this poker tournament work? Is it like a cash game? What does the winner get? A brand new, all-terrain vehicle.
Apparently, it's worth like $7,000.
A $7,000 ATV? Big news, everyone.
This is Will.
He's new to our school because his mom is in jail.
He'll want to join the volunteer squad.
I'm Will.
Oh, you guys should get along great, because you're both victims of parental tragedy.
What? Your parents are in jail, too? Actually, it's worse than that.
Nick's parents died.
I'm so sorry to hear that, Nick.
I can't imagine what that's like.
I miss my mom so much, but at least I get to talk to her on the phone and stuff.
When she's allowed to talk.
Yeah, I hate that conversations have to be scheduled.
For you.
I hate that for you.
I like that you hate that for me.
Anyway does this mean you're joining the volunteer squad? Yeah.
Yeah, I'm not going anywhere.
Booyah! Mom says no video games until your homework's done.
This isn't a game.
I am playing high-stakes, no-limit hold'em to sharpen my skills for the poker tournament.
Then Dad says forget about homework.
I'll get a deck of cards.
You are due for one of my master classes.
Er No offense, but I'm already up nine million pretend dollars.
I'm going to absolutely destroy my opponents at the tournament.
I love your confidence, but you're forgetting that, in order to win, you are going to have to beat Eddie the Ace.
Who's that? Oh, that's you.
Come on, I taught you how to play.
Without me, you wouldn't know when to hold 'em.
Or when to fold 'em.
Alright, I'm off to work.
You guys are on your own for dinner.
Wait, before you go, I have great news.
Be prepared to thank me big time.
What have you done? Well, I've been thinking a lot about how hard you've been working to promote the restaurant and get on Top Chef.
So I thought I would help.
I'm touched.
But, again What have you done? At the PTA meeting, I volunteered you to cater the poker tournament! What? I told Dad he should have asked you first, but he made that face he makes when he gets to be part of a surprise and I knew it was all over.
What? No.
I'm just so proud of you.
I can't wait to see what you come up with.
You can literally do anything with crostini.
You leave my crostini out of this.
How am I supposed to find time to cater a poker tournament? I know you're busy, but everyone will be there.
It'll be great publicity for Crescendo.
But whatever, if you don't want to do it, I'll just tell them it was a mistake.
See, Dad, this is an example of you going all in and losing.
Save the trash talk for the table, buddy.
I'll do it.
I mean, you can't un-volunteer me.
Those PTA moms are vicious.
In your face.
Love you.
Need some help? I thought I had the right combination.
Whoa! How'd you do that? I'm full of tricks.
Hey, Rocky.
For my next trick, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat.
Sorry, that was so dumb.
You like Rocky And Bullwinkle, too? No one ever knows what I'm talking about.
It's the best.
A classic.
I used to go as Natasha for Halloween every year.
That's amazing.
My mom always loves it when You can talk about it if you want, you know.
Or you don't have to.
I get it.
It's such a relief to find someone who understands.
No one knows what it's been like.
You have no idea.
Everyone has these perfect families.
Right? I always think about what it's going to be like when my mom gets out of jail and we can do the stuff we used to.
Anyway, are you excited about the poker tournament? I can't believe they're just giving away an ATV.
I know, right? You know what I'd do if I won that ATV? Sell it.
Save the money for when my mom gets out of jail.
I totally know what I'd do with that money.
Maybe this is crazy, but I feel I can trust you.
What if we team up? Try to win as many raffle tickets as possible, and then, if we win the ATV, we can split the money.
I'm listening.
The further you get into the tournament, the more raffle tickets you win.
I'm pretty good at poker.
But if you can find a way to volunteer as a dealer we could stack the deck.
You mean cheat? Come on.
The deck is stacked against us everywhere else.
What's the harm if we even it out a little? Yeah.
We could use a win once in a while, right? But I don't even know how to stack a deck.
I'll teach you after school.
Unless you have other plans.
I'm all in.
Hey, can we talk for a sec? I was just thinking about this morning and Oh, about the blue whales? I know.
We've got so much to do to get ready.
Yeah, about that I have some concerns about the causes we've been promoting.
Oh? I feel like we're kind of getting away from our original mission.
I mean, when's the last time we actually volunteered? What about the soup kitchens? What about the hospitals? You're thinking too small.
We've outgrown that.
Okay, look, I've got to run, but I had these shirts made.
Can you help me out and give them to the squad? Thanks.
Is this your card? Nope.
Oh, man.
I must have messed up the trick.
Oh, hey, there's something in your hair.
Do you mind if I - No, no, go ahead.
- Yeah? Is this your card? How did you do that? I'm full of tricks.
And for my next trick let me teach you how to stack a deck.
Something smells amazing.
The day totally got away from me, but I love where I ended up.
This is a truffle mousse pâté on apricot crostini.
Again, crostini is your blank canvas and weird mousses are your paint.
I'm going to ignore the fact that you just said, "weird.
" Over here, I have a reconstructed savory cannoli.
Here, try.
Is that shellfish I'm tasting? That, my friend, is clam.
I put clam in the cannoli.
I cannot be stopped! It's amazing.
But is it appropriate for a school event? It's a little fancy.
Well, this is what I do.
I do fancy.
Isn't school about education? Sure, but what about your take on pigs in a blanket? You could call them, "sows in a cashmere Afghan.
" The whole point is to promote Crescendo and I refuse to compromise.
You know what? You're right.
You're the chef.
Everyone is going to love it.
And learn about haute cuisine.
At the very least, they'll learn about weird mousses.
Normal mousses.
Yummy mousses.
Dude, great news.
My shady cousin came through big time and got us free poker tables.
No way! That's amazing.
Oh, I know.
We should go all out and get one of those Bellagio fountains.
Like with a laser light show.
And mermaids.
Yeah, settle down you two.
Our budget is $300.
Looks like a party in here.
Well, then your parties must suck.
Ooh, the raffle tickets.
That's exciting.
Hey, do you guys need any more dealers? I'm really good with cards.
Actually, we do.
Jim was supposed to be a dealer, but he got mono from sharing a Pepsi with his aunt.
Been there.
Guess that means you're in.
You won't regret it.
I regret nothing.
Well, except the Pepsi.
Welcome to the Duniway High Poker Tournament, a night of chance, skill, and, thanks to a loophole in state law, not technically gambling.
At the end of the night, we will be raffling off this beauty.
The ATV.
Not Lisa.
Generously donated by Lisa's stepdad.
Dale Pereira's Motor Sports for all your off-roading needs.
And we've got cameras on this puppy, so hands off or you will be asked to leave.
And don't forget to put your raffle tickets in the drum.
Now, may Lady Luck be on your side and let's shuffle up and deal! Hey, come on, let's go.
It already started.
Wait Why aren't you guys wearing your t-shirts? Here's the thing.
We all talked You had a meeting without me? It wasn't a meeting.
We just talked.
We don't want to do the whale thing.
What? We want tonight to just be about signing up volunteers, getting people to donate their time and making a real difference in our community.
But we already decided.
As the leader of the volunteer squad Who cares who the leader is? All we've been doing lately is fighting over who the leader is or what causes to support.
We're just sick of all the drama.
Yeah, Molly.
You've done a lot of amazing things for the squad.
But I don't know why you always had to make it a competition.
So it's settled.
Now let's go do some real good.
You should probably change your shirt.
I'm all in.
Ah, what the heck? I'll call.
Nice hand, kid! Oh, did I win? Are you kidding? You have a straight.
Oh, I guess I do.
I'm still learning.
Here's your raffle tickets.
Hungry? Truffle mousse pâté.
After that flavor explosion, you'll never want chicken in a nugget again.
This is a huge hand you're dealing.
Big family rivalry here.
Such drama.
I love this crostini and that's no bluff, brought to you by Crescendo.
I'm all in.
Really? Pre-flop? Yeah.
I'm the kind of player who acts on intuition.
I play from my gut.
Well my gut's telling me you're bluffing.
You know what else is telling me that? Your face.
I call.
Pair of jacks.
I got a ten and a two.
Well, pair of jacks beats total garbage.
What? I can't believe I lost! How did this happen? Wow, that was dramatic.
Well, I may have lost, but these crostinis are a winner, brought to you by Crescendo.
Bad beat, man.
I got lucky.
That was amazing.
You were so good.
Only because you were so smooth at stacking the deck.
You're perfect.
We make a good team.
- What are you looking at? - Nothing! Jeremy's right.
You are a terrible bluffer.
My weird mousses! It's not you.
It's them.
This is a disaster.
I mean, not only is this bad for Crescendo, it - it hurts my feelings.
- Aw Come on, this isn't a disaster.
We're problem solvers.
We can make this work.
How can we possibly make this work? I know.
What is in every high school? Crippling insecurity and the smell of gym socks? Yes.
But also No.
I am not going to find what I need in this prison pantry.
I know this isn't ideal.
You're better than this.
Which also means, I know how good you are.
Ed, please.
I'm tired, I'm humiliated.
I just want to go home.
You're not a quitter.
And I want you to absolutely kill it on Top Chef, which is why I am presenting you with a spontaneous, quickfire challenge! Well, I have always had a problem stepping outside of my comfort zone and part of being good on Top Chef is versatility.
And if I'm being honest, I am super curious about government meat.
Congratulations on making it to the final table.
Good luck, man.
Hey, congrats to you, too.
I mean, this event was super successful, even without the mermaids.
Well, I wanted it to be great.
I knew it was important to you.
Three players remain.
Nick, I need to talk to you.
I'm kind of in the middle of something here.
Please, Nick.
It's like everyone is against me.
It feels like you're my only friend in the world right now.
But I'm supposed to deal the final table.
It's okay.
I can take over the dealing.
It sounds like Molly really needs you and I'm so here for female friendship.
The stupid volunteer squad They met without me and decided that I'm doing everything wrong.
Can you believe it? That's horrible.
They're all so shallow, but I care about changing the world and I'm not afraid of big challenges.
Hello? Sorry, go on.
Okay, well, first of all, Becky is the biggest hypocrite in the entire world.
She claims that she wants to get back to our so-called roots and do more volunteering.
But the truth is, every time we went to the hospital to read to old people, all she did was make them take selfies with her so she could get more pity likes.
She's always saying that I'm too competitive.
Then why is she always talking about how many more followers she has? And the worst part is, she says she doesn't care who the leader is.
But guess what? She just crowned herself the leader behind my back and Xuan and Tamika are just following her around like lemmings.
Tamika doesn't even have any other friends in the grade.
And Xuan's only in the group because she got kicked out of badminton for not knowing her own strength! Nick? I feel like you're not even listening to me.
I'm listening.
I'm sorry the squad is being awful.
They probably feel bad and I'm sure they'll apologize soon.
Wait a minute.
I've really got to get back.
I really just need my best friend to be with me.
I want to be here for you.
But I just can't talk right now.
I've got to go.
Big flop.
I'm feeling lucky.
Five hundred.
Oh, my God, I am so sorry.
This is a dead hand.
What? No! I had pocket rockets! Happy to jump back in if it makes things easier.
This game reeks of toxic masculinity anyway.
Looks like things got a little sticky.
Well I'm here to clean it up.
Appetizer? Um No offense, but the last thing you gave me tasted like dog food, so These are completely different.
It's pizza.
This is amazing! Right? It's a mini mozzarella flatbread with a light peach reduction and fried meat.
Take one for your mom.
Tell her there's plenty more where that came from at Crescendo.
You've really been showing up for me lately and, honestly, I've noticed.
I would never have come up with this.
You really helped me out.
No, this is all you.
Well, the truth is, we're a team.
You know, we're like peach glaze and government meat.
Am I the government meat? Let's not think too hard about that.
I deem you winner of this quickfire challenge and my personal Top Chef.
All in.
I call.
A pair of cowboys.
That's going to help! Practically unbeatable.
Yeah! Go, Jeremy! I mean, no bias.
Back to back aces? What are the odds? Well, it's all come down to this.
You're only about 17% to win.
Full house! Incredible.
Everyone, check this out.
You were saying? It's not over yet.
There's still two more cards.
An even better full house? Can you believe this? This is crazy.
There's only one card in the deck that can beat me.
And there it is.
A quad of kings? Are you kidding me? I lost? Oh, my God! That was the most incredible hand I've ever seen.
Everyone, look at this.
Better lucky than good, am I right? Wow! I'll go put these in the raffle drum for you.
You were incredible.
The soda spill was genius.
Thanks to everyone who participated in this year's fundraiser for extracurricular clubs.
And now, the winner of the ATV is Seven, four, seven two zero four! That's me! Oh! Yeah! I won! I won! I can't believe it.
I can't believe we lost.
I know it wasn't guaranteed, but even when we stacked the deck Just not cut out for winning, huh? I know.
It it sucks.
But it was still fun.
Wasn't it? It was fun.
I'm so glad I met you, Nick.
Um Eric, I'm going to have to catch up with you later.
Er, sorry.
Sorry, Will, I I need a minute.
Oh, no, it's fine.
I'll see you tomorrow.
You weren't supposed to see that.
- I wasn't spying.
- Nick Please don't tell anyone.
Of course, I won't.
I don't even know where things stand between me and Eric.
And I'm just trying to figure myself out.
It's okay.
You don't have to worry about me.
It's not that I'm embarrassed.
I just want it to be on my terms.
For me.
When I'm ready.
Of course.
I know how you feel.
Everyone is entitled to their secrets.
We get to share them at our own time.
Or not at all.
Nick, it is so much more fun being friends with you.
Yeah, man.
That's what I've been trying to tell you.
I'll see you at home.
So can I take the ATV out for a spin? I want to see if it's as all-terrain a vehicle as it claims to be.
Listen up, Todd.
You fence that ATV and text me when you have the cash.
After your cut, I need to clear at least five grand.
What if I wipe off the mud? You know who else is all-terrain? Phil.
And he will find you anywhere.
Now get out of here before anyone else sees you.
It's me.
Yeah, so Nick took the bait to rig the poker tournament, but we didn't win the raffle.
So I have no idea what she would have done with her half of the ATV money.
I know, Sam.
I'll find out.
I know, I know.
No one holds out on the Harbaughs.
I'll be home soon.