Northern Exposure s06e14 Episode Script

The Mommy's Curse

Mary Margaret, my little girl! Hi! Let me look at you.
Look at you.
You look beautiful.
Oh, actually, I need a haircut.
No, you don't.
Oh, yes, I do.
Here we are.
There you are.
Yes.
I'm LeLand Cole.
Delighted.
Hi.
Nice to meet you.
Glad you could join my mother.
Thank you.
LeLand saved my life at the Panama Canal.
The ship hit some weather and I had used up all my Dramamine when that lovely man appeared at the rail.
Let that be a lesson to you, Mary Margaret.
Always pack plenty of Dramamine and keep your eye on the horizon.
Well, actually, Mother, it's 45 degrees above the horizon.
Oh, you can't tell my daughter anything.
Mother, I'm a bush pilot.
I think I know a thing or two about motion sickness.
You see? Martinis? He is so much fun.
Well, okay.
Straight up with an olive, Lel.
Yes.
But, darling, where's Joel? Oh At the office? Oh, well Oh, the lot of a doctor's wife.
Well, wife to be.
We'll invite him for dinner.
Well, I'm afraid that you're not gonna be able to see Joel this trip, Mother.
No? He's in the bush, Mother.
Vaccinating.
Children.
A lot of them.
And he's way out there.
Very remote.
They don't even have a phone.
Nothing.
But he said to tell you how much he missed you and Yeah, that's what he said to say.
He said, "Tell your mother, hi.
" Oh, that's too bad.
We have so much to talk about.
Guest lists, invitations.
Well, you know, Mother, we haven't actually set a date yet.
Oh, well, I would say May or June.
But it's never too early to start planning a wedding.
I did the moment you told me Joel had proposed.
And high time he did, if you ask me.
Do you need ice? Yes.
Okay, I'll get some ice.
Well, these ice cubes might be a little old, LeLand.
As long as they're cold, young lady.
That's this fella's considered opinion.
Well, let's get down to business, shall we? Here you are, Mary Margaret.
This is yours.
What's this? Your trust fund, dear.
As of the first of the year, you've come of age.
Wow! I didn't know I had that much.
Well, dear, you didn't until I got Howard Nucomb off his duff.
Your father had everything poking along in public utilities.
Whoa! Well, it's almost doubled.
That's my Janey.
Full steam ahead.
Oh, poo, Lel, a couple of hunches, that's all.
Commodities.
And I want you to know I was prepared to cover any losses, Mary Margaret, and then it just came in.
Oh.
Well, thank you.
Now, you are not to spend a dime of it on the wedding.
We won't let you.
I've talked to Frank and Grammy and it's all taken care of.
Mother, about the wedding Now, I just want to say one thing about the money, Mary Margaret.
This is your nest egg, understand? Yours.
And you have to protect it.
Mother, I'm not gonna go out and spend it on shoes.
I'm talking about a prenuptial agreement, dear.
No reflection on Joel.
He's a very nice young man and I know you two are very much in love.
Mother For once, just listen, Mary Margaret.
Things change.
Look at me.
And in this day and age, a woman needs her own money.
Okay.
Thank you, Mother.
Need two tasty ones, Maurice.
See if I can't get some of my paycheck back from the doc, here.
Me? How about Vincoeur over here? He's sitting on a pile.
"The lone man gazed and gazed upon his gold, "His sweat, his blood, the wage of weary days, "But now how sweet to hold, "All gay and gleamy to the campfire blaze" The man gets a couple of bucks up and he starts with that doggerel.
Doggerel? That's hardly doggerel, Maurice.
That's Robert Service.
Poet laureate of the wild.
Maurice was never a fan of Service.
Well, he doesn't know what he's missing, does he? The Whistle of Sandy McGraw.
That'll tear your heart out.
Boy, that's my favorite.
Hello? Are we playing poker here or what? What're you gonna do, Holling? Oh, I'm good.
Oh, great.
He gets a little more money, he'll be nailing mahogany to that skiff of his.
You got a boat, Holling? Building one.
S.
S.
Miranda Bliss.
By the time he gets it in the water, that kid'll be a grandmother.
You're building a boat from plans? Man, that's ambitious.
Boy, that's gotta take every tool in the box.
Well, it's funny you should mention it.
I got tools A to Z.
But you know the only thing I'm using lately? What's that? An old egg beater hand drill.
Oh, I know how that is.
You really get to feel the bite of the wood with a tool like that.
That is so true, Phil.
I mean, that's it exactly.
You two chatty Kathys wanna knock it off? What're you gonna do, Holling? Oh, sorry.
From my golden horde, See the sign? "Closed for inventory.
" So it's just you and me, huh? Walt? I was gonna stop and clean up first, but the light was on.
I couldn't help myself.
Walt.
But you're back so soon? I thought you said all month? Traps weren't catching, Ruth-Anne.
All I got is a couple of bushy-tailed wood rats.
One of them's missing a piece out of his hide.
Well, to tell you the truth, I'm glad you're back.
We heard the weather blew up nasty.
No picnic.
Nearly lost my uppers in a snow drift.
Arthritis started stirring up.
These bones aren't getting any younger.
Walt, have you ever thought about retiring? Wading through drifts up around my ears? You bet.
But what would I do? Lay about town? Might as well park me in the booby hatch.
Well, I have an idea.
What? You could work here.
In the store? Well, that's what I was thinking.
Dry goods? No, not for me.
Well, it'd be nice and warm for a change.
True, but don't you have Ed? Oh, we can always use another pair of hands.
It'd free me up to do book work.
Well, company's pleasant, I'll say that.
Hi, Shelly.
Say, hey, Maurice.
Is Holling in the back? We gotta get going.
Two Denvers, no Jack.
Holling isn't here.
Not here? Well, where is he? He's working on his boat.
You mean he's working on that dingy on our steam day? Uh-huh.
Him and Dr.
Phil.
Well, for crying out loud.
It's our steam day! Okay, here's one for you, Philip.
All right.
"It isn't the foe that we fear, "It isn't the bullet's whine, "It isn't the business career "Of a shell, or the bust of a mine, "It isn't the snipers who seek Oh, you're good.
"To nip our young hopes in the bud, "No, it isn't the guns, "And it isn't the Huns, "It's the mud, mud, mud" How you doing, Maurice? Holling, what's going What're you doing out here? Hey, Maurice.
What do you think here? Me and my able assistant have progressed so far that we started planking the hull.
Pretty, isn't she? Gorgeous.
Holling, it's banya day.
Why don't you finish this up and let's get on the road? Banya day? Oh, Maurice, I forgot.
You forgot? Well, how could you forget? I mean we've been going over there taking the steam since they opened.
I've got the pumpernickel and the aquavit on ice.
All we gotta do is stop in Cantwell for that creamed herring you like, and we're all set.
Oh, Maurice, I can't do that.
I've got Philip here working on the boat.
Oh, I'm sorry, Phil.
But we've got standing reservations, Holling and I do, for just two.
It's not a problem, Holling.
I can work on the boat any day.
No.
We're right in the middle of things here.
I'm about ready to start mixing the glue.
You said you'd already done the measurements on the saw cuts? You mean you're not going? Well You could stay here with us.
Here? Yeah.
You know, help out with the boat.
We could have lunch later.
We could figure out something for you to do.
Right, Philip? Plenty of planning to do.
No, I think not.
Really? Okay.
Gentlemen, another time.
We'll see you, Maurice.
See you later, Maurice.
Why, Philip, you're trying to weasel out of the planning already? You got some little blister on your pinky finger? Stand back, Vincoeur.
Shavings are gonna fly around here.
"Oh, the midnight lights have seen such sights, "But the queerest they ever did see "Was the night on the barge of Lake Lebarge "When I cremated Sam McGee" Your first day, I think I'll put you on the canned fruit.
Point me at it, Ruth-Anne.
Now, here's what we do.
About every six months, we rotate.
We bring the back cans up to the front And the front cans in the back.
Yeah.
Makes sense to me.
And since we're here, they should be faced, Walt.
That is, with the label showing.
I wasn't finished.
Oh, and you want to dust.
Yes, ma'am.
And more than just the tops.
If you have any questions, Ed will show you.
Oh, I'll have some questions all right, Ed.
First day job I've had in, what, Cool.
Hello? Okay, two dashes Angostura bitters.
Four jiggers bourbon.
Two jiggers vermouth.
Right.
Yeah, so why do they call it a Manhattan, then? Let me get back to you on that.
LeLand, it's your break, man.
And don't even think about trying to run the table on me this time.
Ever the optimist, huh, Hayden? Fortification.
Ladies.
Sweetface.
Seems the young man has not yet felt the jaws of defeat sufficiently.
Go ahead, Lel.
Enjoy yourself.
We're doing fine here.
We are, aren't we, dear? Oh, I think so.
Absolutely.
I mean, I'm fine and you're fine.
So everything's fine.
I'll be back before the soup arrives.
Well, he's nice, Mother.
Oh, we're just having a little fling.
He's good as gold, never complains.
What do you kids call it? Low maintenance.
Can you excuse me for a minute? Mmm-hmm.
Sure.
Fleischman, what are you doing here? What are you doing here? Isn't that your mom? Don't look.
Okay? She doesn't know about us.
You, this, it.
Any of it.
Now I know you're right.
But look, Fleischman, she's finally off my back.
All right? I'm giving her what she wants, or at least she thinks I am.
Mary Margaret married like a normal person.
You know what I mean? So could you do this for me? Yeah, all right.
We can ice fish any time.
Okay.
I appreciate it.
Did I tell you I like this new you? See you.
Bye.
See you.
Hi.
Is everything all right, dear? Oh, yes.
It's just Who was that man? Oh, it's just a local.
Lost.
He looked familiar.
Well, he wasn't.
Three chicken noodles.
Great.
I'll get LeLand.
Yo, Maggie, you gonna play the winner? It's not over until the fat lady sings.
Oh, maybe later, Hayden.
LeLand, soup's on.
Guy's patient lining up a shot.
Aren't you, Leland? Doesn't seem to care who he keeps waiting.
LeLand? Lunch.
LeLand? Yo! LeLand? Uh-oh.
Oh, no.
Mother, could you come here for a second? Wow, was he trying to bank the one ball? Off this rail.
Guys, give me a hand.
Help me lay him up here if you don't mind.
Sure, Doc.
Easy.
Just scoot him up there.
Fella sure has his Mr.
Boston down.
He could bartend at the Ritz.
Who knew? The guy didn't even cough.
I'm sorry.
Mother.
Oh, my God.
Just like that? LeLand.
His soup's still warm.
Guys, what're we gonna do with him? Hey, Shelly's right, all those winter holes I dug, they're all spoken for.
Holes? You mean a grave? Yes.
No, no, we just can't bury him here.
I'm sure his people would want him back.
I think he has family in Ohio.
Or is it Iowa? I always get those two confused.
Mother, you don't even know where he's from? I told you.
We met on a ship.
Death certificate? Yeah.
I'll show you where they are.
Well, there's nothing anyone could've done.
Probably a massive aneurism in the brain stem.
A stroke.
Rest assured, he went quickly.
Thanks.
So sincere.
You didn't mention another doctor.
Doctor? Oh, no.
No, Mom.
He's more a veterinarian.
Veterinarian? Yeah.
Don't be afraid to wallop yourself a good one there, son.
Already, huh? Yeah.
Yeah.
Whack yourself good there.
Get that blood flowing.
You might knock a little oomph into yourself.
There! Raise some welts.
Come on, hit yourself.
Go ahead.
Yeah, that's better.
You feel good now, don't you? Rejuvenated.
Can you imagine anybody passing up a chance for a good banya? Oh! Imagine.
Come on.
Have some of this creamed herring.
Little sour pumpernickel.
Some onion.
I already had three, Maurice.
Here.
Have another one.
Eat.
What's the matter with you? I just don't feel too good, that's all.
You don't feel very good? I thought you people knew your way around a good sweat? Oh, I think it's the crawdaddies and hot sauce we had earlier.
Well, here.
Can I change your mind about this aquavit? Oh, no more.
Please, Maurice.
What's the matter with you, son? You're about as much fun as a flat in a hailstorm.
I'm sorry, Maurice.
Tell you what.
We'll get that steam swirling around in here, get you past that bellyache.
Here we go.
There we go.
Now, Ed, you gotta breathe through your nose.
I said breathe through your nose.
Well, it would take an autopsy to know for sure, but even money says he just stroked.
You know, like somebody just turned out the light.
Just like that.
Peanut butter and pickles? Yours.
It just goes to show you you never know, do you, Philip? You should never not savor each and every day.
Simple things.
Like pounding nails or sharing a sandwich with your compeer.
You didn't happen to see Maurice there? No.
I don't think so.
No.
It's not as if he hasn't canceled banya days on me.
Plenty.
What, with flying off to speak here, and, you know, wheeling and dealing there Aha! Shelly remembered my Miracle Whip.
Dr.
Capra? Where to, Doc? Right over here, thanks.
I hate having to leave him in a barn.
Well, all he needs to be is cold, Mother.
And, ma'am, the doors will help keep the predators out.
Well, I suppose it's all right for a few days.
God, you poor man.
I am so sorry.
You can get a shipping casket right there at Anchorage International Airport.
Sealed aluminum.
Pretty much standard.
Sealed aluminum.
I'll remember that.
Remember that, Mary Margaret.
Sealed aluminum.
Oh, don't forget to ask for your mourner's discount on your flight south.
Even though she's not the next of kin? She's gonna accompany the body, Holling.
I've contacted the medical examiner in Anchorage.
It's pretty much pro forma.
Man his age, they don't usually require an autopsy.
Thank you.
You've been very kind.
Really.
Every bit as competent as a real doctor.
Pardon? Mother, shouldn't we get going? We have a lot of phone calls to make.
I mean, there's just so much to do.
You know, it might be Dayton.
That's right.
His ex-wife was a Firestone.
Shelves are stocked, apples are binned.
Give anybody a lunch break around here? Thought I'd head over to The Brick and pick up a couple of tuna melts.
My, you finished with the canned goods already? And keep it in your pocket, I'm buying today.
Wait.
Wait, what's this? What? All this Dinty Moore out in the aisle.
Thought you said you stocked? This? It's a POP display, Ruth-Anne.
What? POP.
Point of purchase.
Oh, I know what that is.
Ruth-Anne, what's your fastest selling winter item? Well, these 303 cans of Dinty Moore.
You can't keep them on the shelves.
Exactly.
So why put them there? It's just wasted motion.
Plus, frees up some new real estate on those shelves for some of your high profit items.
Women's sundries, perhaps, lipstick, lotions and such.
No.
Why not? Because that isn't the way we do things around here.
Won't even try it? I think it's a good idea.
It's easier to buy it by the case this way.
Not that I need case today.
I don't care, Barbara Jean.
I'm not going to have some raggedy-tag cardboard castle junking up my aisles.
It's marketing, for God's sakes.
Walt, if you don't want to stock, then I will.
Have it your way.
'Cause it takes one alderman to screw the light bulb in and six to pick your pocket.
Oh, and they do pick your pockets, too, don't they? Bunch of crooks.
Maurice.
Hey.
Excuse me.
Good to see you, Maurice.
Evening.
I guess you heard that we were having calves liver and onions tonight? Shall I get Eugene to bread you up some? No, thanks, Holling.
I'm not very hungry.
Maurice, I'm awfully sorry about forgetting our banya day.
That's all right.
I went up anyway, had a wonderful time.
Took a friend with me.
Well, good.
Holling, you know that color TV I loaned you a while ago? I'm gonna need that back.
You are? Yeah.
For my back guest bedroom.
The one I have in there doesn't have a remote.
I see.
Well, heck, you're probably not watching it anyway.
You don't have time.
What with all the things that you and Phil are doing together.
You know, monkeying with that boat.
Whatever else it is you're doing.
It's my TV.
I'll get it for you.
Sure you don't need any help? Everything's under control.
Smells good.
Thank you.
Serve you? Just one to start, please.
About those Dinty Moores It was an eyesore, Walt.
Tell that to the boys at Wal-Mart.
You don't see them closing shop.
If somebody'd trip and fall over them, they'd sue me naked.
Don't pay insurance? You want my premiums to go up? Just digging in to win.
Can you just drop it? Fine.
Good.
Walt, let's not.
All right.
Look at us, arguing over canned goods.
And ruining a fine dinner in the process.
We'll keep work at work.
Agreed.
Good.
Oh, there's a bundt cake for dessert.
Don't think I didn't peek.
Oh, you.
There you are, Lel.
You hated the sheets tucked tight, didn't you? Or was that Frank? Well, anyway, I wanted to tell you, I tracked down your ex-wife in Youngstown and she's calling your brother.
I didn't know you went to Rutgers.
Jeffy applied there.
My son.
Well, anyway, you'll be on your way before you know it.
You dear man.
Look at you.
I am so sorry.
No trans-Canadian train trip.
No dome car.
Mother? Mary Margaret? What are you doing here? Is everything okay? Oh, I was just checking on poor LeLand.
Well, he's fine, right? Don't you want to get some sleep? I mean, it's been a long day.
Oh, Mary Margaret, he was so full of life.
Whooping it up to the fullest.
And then what has to happen to him? He has to go and meet me.
Mother.
Oh, it's true.
It's true.
It's me.
Just ask Frank.
Daddy? He said our marriage was killing him.
That's what he said.
He said he was dying in our marriage.
Now, Mother, that is just an expression.
You know, people say that all the time.
Well, tell that to LeLand.
Tell it to Cappy.
Who? Cappy Moss.
An old flame.
Summer of my sophomore year.
We were out in the canoe.
Poor boy was showing off for me.
Dove in.
Never came up.
Your boyfriend? He drowned? Wait.
Robert Henzell.
I haven't thought of that picnic in years.
But he was allergic to bee stings.
I mean, I can't be blamed for that.
These were your boyfriends? They died? I told him not to swat that bee.
I swear I did.
It is me.
It is.
I do do it, don't I? Do what? Do what? You should've told me.
Now you know I have a history with men.
I mean, I've lost five boyfriends.
And now this? And this! Don't you see, Mother? We're cursed, pariahs for any male that comes into our life.
We either kill them or we drive them away.
Well, that is just not true, Mary Margaret.
It isn't? Of course not.
Look at Look at you and Joel.
Mother There's something I have to tell you.
Joel's not No, he's not.
It's not that.
He's He's gone.
Really gone.
So it's off? I was gonna tell you.
I was.
I don't know, it just got easier not to tell you, you know.
I am so sorry.
I am so, so sorry.
Oh, you don't have to be.
But I am.
I'm all set, Ruth-Anne.
Ruth-Anne, I'm handy at the register.
You stay with your magazine remainders.
Are you sure? Come on, Dwight, let's get you out of here, old boy.
One chorizo dinner.
On sale.
Good eye.
Chocolate cream pie, calories be damned, eh? I guess.
What's this, Desenex? Got the athlete's foot, have you, Dwight? Just a touch.
There's a fungus among us.
Itches like the devil, I bet, huh? Cracking up on you? Well, yeah.
I'll take the register now, Walt.
Hmm? I said, I'll finish up with Dwight.
Oh, I've got it, Ruth-Anne.
I'm doing just fine.
And I said I'll take the register now.
What? I got my total running.
Well, if we could just keep your mouth from running.
What's that supposed to mean? "Fungus among us.
" It's a medical condition, athlete's foot.
And it's chronic with Dwight.
Has it ever occurred to you that he might be sensitive about it? Ruth-Anne, I'm kind of in a hurry.
Chronic, huh? Well, why don't you tell him to chronically wash between his toes, change his socks regular? Ruth-Anne.
Get out from behind here.
I'm not going to ask you again.
Ruth-Anne And you shush, Dwight.
I told you I'd get to you.
And you're the expert on customer relations.
We all know that.
It's all over, everybody.
Shop.
Go on.
Where were we, Dwight? $1.
59.
Back home in Santa Monica Bay, there's actually a sign up that says, "Do not eat more than two pounds of fish per month from these waters.
" Philip, mon ami, you are in for a treat.
We're gonna hook ourselves some of those fat walleyed pikes, head that boat of ours right toward the shore, and then you are in for a treat.
You're gonna eat, my friend.
There's Maurice.
Hey, Maurice.
Just coming up to see you.
That a fact? Yeah.
Yeah, we're just getting ready to do the joint work on the boat, and it seems that you have bought up all of the Fiber-Seal Plus.
Mmm-hmm.
Well, I'm gonna lay a coat on my deck.
Come on.
In the middle of the winter? I heard the price might be going up.
Well, I'm gonna need one of those gallons.
Sorry.
I can't help you.
You don't need all six of them.
I have to coat the bottom, too, don't I? That is a bunch of bunk and you know it.
You have a problem with that, Vincoeur? Every little thing's gotta be just your way, doesn't it? Always got to be on your schedule.
Hey, hey, Holling, it's no big deal.
We'll just drive over to Cantwell.
We're not going to Cantwell, Philip.
Those are my cans.
Oh, for Pete's sake, here's some money.
I don't want your money.
Well, I want one of these cans of varnish.
Give me that can! Guys, guys.
Give it to me! You go to hell! Guys, cut it out! This is crazy, Holling.
Oh, you crazy Canuck! Give me that hat.
This is crazy.
Would you come on? I'll kill you, you What're you doing, Minnifield? Look at my hat.
What're you looking at? Maybe we should take a break.
Well, we just had one.
Woman's got all her money tied up in inventory, if you ask me.
If she were smart, she'd have the wholesaler warehouse this dog food.
Yeah.
Gotta carry them down the cellar stairs in this.
Gotta turn around and pack them right back up again.
Fudge log? Oh, thanks, Walt.
Nothing tastier than five finger discount candy.
Filched.
Pilfered.
Stolen.
Oh.
You mean you forgot to write it down in her little memo book.
Tightwad.
Shh! She can hear you through the walls, Walt.
Hear through them? See through them sometimes, I think.
Caught me with a carton of chocolate milk this morning.
You two? What's going on down there? Nothing, Ruth-Anne! Walt, I need to see you in the office.
Toss them in the wringer and twist them again.
Oh, Walt.
Better leave that here with me.
You want to see me, boss? Come in, Walt, and shut the door.
The door? Please.
Now, Ruth-Anne I need to talk to you, Walt.
Damn celery tops, I knew it.
It's not the celery.
I took too much off the head, but I had to.
Every stalk was cold burned.
I'd say something to that fella.
Man's a crook.
Please, Walt.
This is not easy for me.
And you're not making it any easier.
What? This arrangement is not working.
I don't think retail suits you.
You're fresh with the customers, belligerent to me When? I am not going to argue about it anymore.
I can't have it.
I won't.
I'm sorry, but I have to let you go.
Let me go? That's right.
Are you trying to fire me, woman? I'm sorry.
I've been fired by better than you, missy.
At Merrill Lynch, Charlie Merrill himself called the guards to get me out of the building.
Here I thought I was doing you a favor.
I should've known.
Good night.
You know something, Eugene? You know what's really ironic? What? My life.
My life, Eugene.
The whole thing.
I've spent the whole thing, my whole life, my whole life trying to be different from her.
Oh, your mother again, huh? I mean, Mother stayed at home, I had a career.
Mother was utterly and hopelessly dependent and I was totally and completely independent.
Meek, adventurous, you know.
Polite.
Well, you know, not rude, but, you know.
You know? Pour you another one? Mmm-hmm.
There's the irony, Eugene.
After all that striving and effort and geographics and risk taking, what do I find out after all? I don't know.
What? I'm just like her.
I'm just like my mother.
A clone.
Mrs.
Jane Stowe O'Connell, replicated to plague the earth all over again.
Poison, Eugene, me and my mother.
They either flee or we kill them.
Every man we touch.
David.
Poor David.
Froze on that glacier.
And Steve Escandon was struck by lightning.
And poor, stupid, handsome Rick, crushed by a satellite.
Interesting.
Evening, Miss O'Connell.
You're looking lovely tonight.
Seat occupied? No.
Take it at your own risk.
Thank you.
Get your hat patched, hon? Ripped it plumb through the brim and half the crown.
Never be the same.
Maybe you could send for another one.
What, like a pair of dress socks? That what you mean? This is my hat, Shelly.
My good Flechet trilby.
So.
No? It's my hat.
It was well broke in.
Set just right.
Brim cocked good.
I'm That son of a bloodhound ripped it right off my head, tore it to pieces.
That's a mortal insult.
A quebecois'd kill a man for less.
Yeah? Maybe I should've.
He's lucky I didn't rip his liver right out and tear it to pieces.
They'll sell snow cones in hell before I talk to Maurice Minnifield ever again.
He's just jealous, Holling.
Jealous? What, of my Flechet? No, silly, of you and Doc Capra.
Oh.
Philip? Hanging at the boat.
Yukking it up at the bar.
Missing your steam.
Leaving the big Mo out.
I guess I somewhere knew that Philip was in the mix.
But he had no right to tear up my hat.
H.
, me and Ronnie Barad, eighth grade.
We were thick since we were six, then Ginny Braych transferred to Queen Victoria Middle.
Me and Ginny start hanging.
Well, Ronnie starts acting weird, dissing Ginny.
And 'cause of what, okay? 'Cause of the big J, Holling.
Jealousy.
Hey, what do you say? Light the candles? Turn down the sheets? I'll make you forget about Maurice.
She got her braces off.
I'll pick it up.
You know, I told them I'd call them and I forgot.
Here you are.
Ruth-Anne.
Mind if I sit down? It's a free country.
Walt, I've been giving it a lot of thought, and I want you to move in.
Move in? That's right.
With you? I know.
I know.
I'm sorry about the ruckus at the store.
I really am.
But it just didn't work out.
That's putting it mildly.
But why ditch the whole deal? Is that what you really want? Face it.
If two people can't get along, they don't get along.
Simple as that.
Get along? We've been cooking together, eating together, sleeping together.
Now, correct me if I'm alone in this, but I thought we were getting along fine? We were.
So? I don't understand you, woman.
Frying pan gets hot and you get the idea you want to jump right into the fire.
What is this? You want to just dillydally? Is that It? Well, if we're going to crash and burn, we might as well get it over with.
I never said it would be easy.
You nailed that one.
Let me tell you, Mr.
Kupfer.
I was doing fine without you.
But damn it all, what's it going to be, yes or no? I say yes.
You? Boy, you're some kind of firecracker, you know that, Ruth-Anne Miller? Bring it in the other side.
That's good.
My daughter, the bush pilot.
Yeah, well, some visit.
No wedding.
Dead body.
Oh, now don't you be brooding about weddings, Mary Margaret.
Well, you know, I can't help it.
I'm finished with men.
I don't need another MIA on my conscience.
Oh, not that business about you and men.
Me? What about you? Mother, who was that in the barn anguishing over Cappy Moss, and LeLand, and Mr.
Bee sting.
Dear, you just caught me at a low ebb.
That poor Cappy was just showing off.
It wasn't anybody's fault but his own.
And a bee sting? Heavens.
Oh, speaking of which, here's LeLand.
I think it's them, Mary Margaret.
Men.
They have no fortitude.
They're always dying or skedaddling off at the first hint of trouble.
And tell me this, who is left to pick up the pieces? Ship the body, clean out the closets? Us! And they have the audacity to call us the weaker sex.
I don't know, Mother, physiologically we are smaller, weaker, you know.
Oh, poo! Chinese women give birth in a field and go back and finish a day's work.
Careful, now.
And men, they get a hangnail and it's call 911.
That's true.
Well, you know something, Mary Margaret? I really ought to thank your father.
I mean, before Frank left, I had never paid a bill or done the taxes.
I didn't know a portfolio position from a hole in the ground.
Watch his head now.
Sorry.
What was I gonna do? Roll over and play dead? Those mutuals of his barely made bank interest.
And those taxable municipals? I mean, was he crazy? Pure Frank.
Steady, but uninspired.
You know, you're right.
Well, I don't bet the bank on any one deal, mind you, but you've got to risk something in order to get a reasonable return.
No, no, no.
About men.
About me and men.
You're really right.
I mean, it's not our fault if we're strong.
You know, I'm just gonna put all this foolishness behind me once and for all and get on with my life.
Thanks, Mother.
You're welcome, dear.
So, Mother? Yes, Mary Margaret? Well, about my money.
Mmm-hmm.
What do you think I should do with it? Leave it in the money market or invest? Well, if you want my advice.
You know, I do.
I mean, I can't really believe it, but I do.
I want your advice.
Real estate.
That's a solid return.
Project a $50,000 a year income, figure a 10% cap rate, that's not out of the ballpark, you've got yourself a half-million dollar investment.
I would avoid residential properties, though.
Too many headaches.
My advice is go with commercial.
That's a triple net situation.
Alaska, what do they call it, the final frontier? Believe me, Mary Margaret, this place isn't gonna do anything but grow.
Well? I got nothing to say to you.
Fine.
A man's hat is his pride, Maurice.
I didn't say things didn't get out of hand.
I certainly agree with you on that.
It's just when a man breaks an appointment with another man, he ought to give him Well I expect I agree with you on that, too.
Well I guess I could order you another hat.
What size is that? Seven and three eights? No, I guess I'll just keep this one.
Thank you anyways.
It's kind of like an old friend and It's half.
Half? Seven and a half.
Yeah.
New hat, fun for a while.
A little variety.
Change, you know, something different.
But for a good fit, comfortable feeling there's nothing like an old hat.
You know what I mean.
I know what you mean.
Well, then.
Well.
Morning, Maggie.
Hey, Ed.
Well, what're we looking at? I'm just thinking.
Hey, Walt.
Morning, Shelly.
Taking a trip? Manner of speaking.
See you.