Offspring (2010) s02e12 Episode Script

- Thanks for last night.
- It was fun.
You can't afford that house.
We have enough for the house and we'll still have $3,412 left for the wedding.
- What wedding? - Our wedding! You need to think about how you're living, Jimmy.
You're not a kid anymore.
You can talk to me about anything.
I like it when you do.
OK.
I really, really like him.
He really, really likes you, Neens.
You can tell by the way he looks at you.
I suck at intimacy.
So do I.
Oh, dear.
No need to open the computer.
No need.
Absolutely no need.
Nothing to learn.
Nothing new since last night except maybe another email from a Nigerian scam.
Best not to think about emails at all.
Concentrate on something else.
Hey.
- Hi, Billie.
It's Neens.
- Nina, it's Mick.
- Hi, Mick.
- Is that Nina? - Yes, it's Nina.
Hi, Nina.
Hi, Nina.
Hi, Mick.
That was Billie.
Hi, Billie.
Rocket's here too.
Hi, Rocket.
Hi, Rocket.
Do you want Billie? - Yes.
- OK, OK.
This is way too early for this call.
Sorry.
How are the wedding preparations going? - We're we're asleep.
- Sorry.
You're coming with me today for the dress.
- Mm-hm.
- What are you calling me now for? Just to say hello.
Is this about the email? No.
Yes.
Neens OK.
Bye.
"Looking forward to seeing you.
" Hey.
Why are you up so early? Oh.
I, uh, I di - What are you doing? - Uh, nothing.
What's this? - That's your list for today.
- Oh, I've already got a list.
No, no, no, no.
Cut that list.
This is the replacement list.
What's different? All the stuff that didn't fit on my list is now on your list.
Oh, groovy.
And when we see your mum today we're going to show her the best time.
No.
No.
The way you handle my mother is you try to spend as little time with her as possible and when you're with her, just try and go numb.
I want to get in good with her.
In two days she's going to be my mother-in-law.
Oh, now, my mother must not I repeat, must not - see us living in our own garage.
Hey.
Are you coming to work with me? Uh, I'm having breakfast at Mum's.
Don't forget.
It's Martin's book launch tonight.
I haven't forgotten.
Chris Havel's going to be there.
- Chris Havel's going to be there.
- Who? Chris Havel.
Oh.
Chris Havel, the guy you had that fling with last year.
Did I say "fling"? Yeah, "fling with", "crush on".
Oh, you weren't a couple, but you liked him.
The married guy.
Yep.
OK.
- So he's going to be there tonight? - Mmm.
- I'll see you at work.
- Mm-hm.
Patrick, wait! He sent me an email.
Saying what? - I'll show you.
- No.
You don't have to show me.
Come on.
I want you to see.
See? Nothing to worry about.
"Coming to Melbourne for Martin's book launch.
Looking forward to seeing you.
" Yeah, that's really full-on.
I hope they make a movie of it.
Yes, blockbuster.
- I'll see you at work.
- Mm-hm.
All out in the open.
Nothing to worry about.
- Hi, Neens.
- Hi.
What are you doing? It's embarrassing.
I'm just selling some stuff.
I got those years ago when I thought I'd be an eBay entrepreneur.
I'm selling everything.
Paying back my debts.
I'm even selling my Omnyxtopia character.
What's Omnyxtopia? Where did you think I was between 2001 and 2003? I was at the computer creating a strata 10 cyborg warrior called Clystamemnos.
Did she have abnormally large breasts? Yes.
Big, big titties.
- Hi.
- Hi.
She's still giving me the freeze about the dead fish.
I'm gonna pay you back.
- Gonna pay me back? - Ohh.
Pchh, pchh.
Whirr.
I'll believe it when I see cold hard cash.
This is going to be the cheapest wedding ever.
Has to be.
Oh, darling.
I wish you'd let us help you more.
No.
Mum.
You and Dad have already been so generous, honestly.
And I really want to keep it small-scale and simple.
Really.
How are the tenants going? Can I just say? Living in your own garage while a bunch of Canadian acrobats rent out your house is not as much fun as it sounds, 'cause they don't fire-twirl or stilt-walk or caper for your entertainment.
No.
They just smoke bongs and go on and on about how everything's better in Quebec.
Oh! Your head's still in the email.
Oh? What email is that? Chris Havel's coming to Melbourne.
Today.
OK, Neens.
Battle plan.
Oh.
Things are going really well with you and Patrick.
Right? You are over Chris Havel.
Mm-hm.
I mean, yes, you had feelings for Chris.
There was the hotty-hotness.
And the lips, the eyes.
Oh, yeah.
There they are.
Alright, Billie.
Yes, that's enough.
Sorry.
Anyway, whatever happens, you're bringing Patrick to the wedding.
Hey.
Mmm.
How you doing? Oh, me? I'm fine.
Chris Havel's coming tonight.
Yes, he is.
So how you doing? Not thinking about it.
Mm-hm.
Chris Havel.
Chris Havel.
Chris Havel.
Pardon? Uh, I said they're, uh, Mrs Ellison's charts.
Oh.
Oh, great.
Uh, we're going to Chris Havel her in the Chris Havelling suite.
Yeah, no, move it to the birthing suite.
Uh, yeah, that's what I said.
OK, just .
.
hold on a minute.
You ARE thinking of him.
Yes, I am.
Alright? Why would Clegg even invite him to this book launch? He's the paediatric consultant.
He's making a speech.
Great.
Does Patrick know about Chris? Yeah.
I showed him the email.
Yeah, I mean, does he know the full story? Give me those.
That way.
Zara, everything OK? Yeah.
Oh, don't tell me you have a crush on Chris Havel too.
Crush? Is that what Nina said? She might have said "fling".
No.
No, no, no, no.
No, it wasn't a fling.
It was Kate and Leo in 'Titanic'.
No.
It was Jessica Mauboy in the song 'Like This'.
You know the bit where it gets to the chorus.
No.
There was running down hallways, there was crying, there were phones ringing There were a lot of phones ringing.
Are you saying it was major? It was a solitary tear suspended on the cheek of time.
Excuse me.
Is it possible this whole Chris Havel thing is a bigger deal than I thought? Oh.
Why do you say that? Well, Kim and Zara seem to think I wish everyone would just calm down.
I'm calm.
I just want you to be honest.
It's no big deal.
Should I be worried? No.
OK.
Please let that be true.
Mwah.
How's it going, Billie? Good.
Are you disturbed by how cool Billie is? Yes.
I thought she was going to be a bridezilla but she's not.
No.
I No.
I'm actually a bit afraid.
Hmm.
What are you guys talking about? I was just saying how good you are at being a bride.
Oh, thanks.
- How is she affording this dress? - These guys just love her.
They offered to make the gown.
Did she do a good real estate deal? - No.
They just love her.
- What do I do to make them love me? - Hey, Neens.
- Mmm.
Do you mind if we invited Zara to the wedding? You know, for Jimmy.
- Oh, I don't know.
- They're not on anymore.
Really? Zara hasn't been staying over recently.
Nah, she's been really down in the dumps.
The whole Jimmy thing's made her feel flat.
- Well, that's a shame.
- Almost ready.
- Are you OK? - Hmm? Yep.
I'm fine.
Nina, I know you're trying to keep a level head about seeing Chris Yeah, I am, but you see, it's very difficult when everyone keeps bringing it up.
I mean, what do you expect me to do? Have a meltdown or blow up or something? I'm not that girl anymore.
I've moved on.
Alright? What's going on out there? Mentioned Chris Havel.
She's having a tantie.
Oh! OK, fine.
- He's so lovely.
- Shut up.
Don't worry.
Here she is.
Do I look OK? Oh! Billie! Hey, Neens.
What's all this stuff doing here? I'm gonna sell it online.
What happened to the yard sale? Nah, that was a bust.
This is gonna work.
Oh, so my place becomes a showroom? Um, yeah.
If buyers come through to check stuff out, that's OK, right? Don't sell anything of mine.
I'm chasing less owly clientele.
Oh, ha, ha.
Those sounds he makes, they must be clues, right? Oh, God.
Well, he just made a latte.
I mean, he must belong to someone and that someone must miss him, yeah? Cheeky and sweet.
Oh, Ralphie.
He says all sorts of cool shit like that.
Nectar of the gods.
Nectar of the gods.
You know you'll always be very special to me, Nina.
I wish you much happiness.
I have that happiness.
Don't I? You're reading that letter from Dr Chris.
How do you know about this letter? Oh, come on, Neens.
I live here.
You think I don't go through your stuff? What?! That is such an invasion of privacy! OK.
Relax.
I'm gonna move out anyway.
Um Patrick can move in if he wants to.
Who says that I want him to? I let myself in.
I can come back if you're fighting.
God.
Sorry, that you just heard that.
It's time to go.
Thanks.
Oh.
Well, here we are.
Nina, about before Yeah, I was just talking in the heat of the moment.
Were you? Yeah.
I was.
I do that with my brother sometimes.
You know, we fight.
Can we just? Can we just? Hey.
Hey, listen.
Come here.
Just a sec.
Hi.
Hi.
What's going on? What? Nothing.
I don't know.
I'm just I'm gonna be under so much pressure.
You know what I think? What? I think you're nervous about seeing your ex tonight.
My ex? He's not my ex.
Yeah.
And you feel guilty, so you're getting pre-emptively angry with me.
Oh.
You don't have to.
OK? OK.
OK.
Hello.
Mwah.
Aaarrrggh! Welcome, welcome.
Mwah.
Oh, boy.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
Chris isn't here yet.
Right.
Oh, look, it's Aunty Nina.
Oh.
Hey.
Hi, Stella.
Donor daddy's launching his book, hey? Yeah, we didn't want her to miss it.
No.
Nina.
Oh! Look who it is.
Oh.
Hi.
Hi.
Chris, you're here.
Can't believe you're here.
Cherie, you look amazing.
So do you.
Ooh, there he is! There he is! There he is.
There he is.
There he is.
Ah, Chris.
How are you? How long is it? Almost a year.
He's beautiful.
Beautiful.
Pardon? Huh? What? Oh, this gallery is beautiful.
He's beautiful, you mean.
He who? It's OK to think he's beautiful.
I think he's beautiful.
I'm thinking of switching sides.
He's married though, isn't he? Yes, he is.
Patrick, Patrick, Patrick, Patrick.
Dr Patrick Reid, our new anaesthetist and my old friend, may I present Dr Chris Havel.
G'day.
Chris Havel.
How are you? I've heard a lot about you.
Oh, really.
From who? Nina.
Uh-oh.
The legend of Chris Havel.
Very good with the babies.
You OK? Yep.
I'm just parched.
Where are the drinks in this place? Right there.
Great.
Good.
So, can you see your mum anywhere? She's not here.
Well, maybe she's already inside.
Billie, it's no use.
Nothing you do is going to impress her.
She's unimpressible.
We'll see.
She's getting dropped off from the airport.
We're going out to dinner.
There will be fabulous wine.
Where's Andrew? I cannot believe Andrew agreed to have Mum stay.
Yeah.
You must have done a great job convincing him.
Me? You were the one that spoke to him.
That's on your list.
- Which list? - The new one! So you're saying until this morning it was on your list? - Andrew! Andrew! - Jesus, Billie! - Open up! - I'm calling him.
Andrew, hi.
Where are you? - He's in Auckland.
- What? What's he doing in Auckland? We're getting married the day after tomorrow.
He's coming back tomorrow.
Look, is Mum staying at yours? Oh.
OK.
He's calling me four-letter words.
- Oh, God! - Yeah.
No.
We'll sort it.
OK, we'll sort it.
Aargh! You know if you tilt your head back, it'll go down faster.
Billie.
Hi, Billie.
Mick's mum has to stay at your place.
- What? - Nina, please.
- No.
- Well, she can't stay at our place.
We live in a carport.
You know, we've got acrobats.
I've got Jimmy and a bird.
Well, Dad's place has a baby.
Mum's place has Mum.
Where are we going to put Mrs Holland? It's Miss Bassett.
Your mum's name's Bassett? Yeah.
After she divorced Dad she went back to her maiden name.
The driver's at the airport with a sign saying 'Mrs Holland'.
- Well - Oh, God.
Yeah, Billie, I've got to Oh, I've got to go.
- What?! - Bye.
Hi, everyone.
My name's Chris Havel and I'm honoured to introduce my friend's book.
Martin started writing it almost two years ago now, round about the time I came to work at St Francis which is when I met the woman I fell in love with.
And it was instant, you know? Everything just clicked into place.
I only wish I'd had the sense to stay and make her mine.
But I'm back now, so we can wipe out the past year because this love is our destiny.
And it was inspiring to see Martin's commitment to the writing, his thoroughness and his medical brilliance.
So, here he is, the man himself, Martin Clegg.
Thank you so much, Chris.
Thank you.
And, uh, thank you for your contribution to the book.
The book.
Uh My, uh Uh-oh.
My My My daughter is here tonight.
She was born on the pool table of a pub.
She was conceived when I l donated my sperm to a colleague.
Her mothers are lesbians.
I like lesbians.
Somebody kill him.
Anyway, uh Good.
Eat and drink and thank you for coming.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Can you, um, can you hold that? I just need to go to the ladies.
- Nina, can I talk to you? - Yes, sure.
Uh, how's Jimmy? Oh, I don't know how to answer that.
But he's still living with you? Yeah.
You remember what happened with his fiancee? Yeah.
Well, ever since then he's just He's been Right.
Oh, Zara, I'm sorry.
Really, I am.
No.
I understand.
Jimmy and me, it was a casual thing.
That's how it goes sometimes.
Maybe.
Oh, God.
Cliffy, you're a lifesaver.
Thank you.
Thanks.
Bye.
- Fabulous apartment for your mum.
- Billie, you're amazing.
You're moving mountains, but nothing is going to work on my mum.
- Ooh, ooh.
Charlie's car.
- OK.
Don't show any signs of weakness.
Don't apologise for anything.
Don't let her drag any personal information out of you.
Babe, I've got it.
Hello, Michael.
Hello, Mum.
Hmm.
Mmm.
Oh, this must be my new daughter-in-law.
- Hello.
- Don't be shy.
He's told me virtually nothing about you.
I was worried.
- How was your flight, Mum? - Oh, it was a flight.
But I'm here to see your lovely bride.
We're taking you out to dinner.
Oh.
Oh, oh, thank you, no.
I've got a headache.
I'd like to stay in tonight.
Whatever you like.
I'll just get the - I'll get them.
- That's fine.
I've got them.
- Let me.
I've got them.
- I'll let you get them.
Thanks.
Thanks, Charlie.
A voice like nails down a blackboard.
- Mum.
- Has she got an off switch? Do you want me to put you back on that plane? I was only teasing.
- Hey.
- Hi.
I thought you'd gone.
No.
Still here.
How are you? I'm good.
Good.
How are you? Yeah, good.
How's Alice? Yeah, she's good.
She's, uh, she's better.
Hey.
Hey.
Shall we go? Yep.
It was great to meet you.
Patrick.
Pleasure.
Yeah.
Bye.
See you.
What are you doing? Nothing, nothing.
Just That's that.
Finished.
Done.
Congratulations, Martin.
Thank you.
Do you want to take me home? Hey, Jimmy.
G'day.
Zara asked after you tonight.
Oh, yeah? She'd probably appreciate a call, Jimmy.
Are you meddling? Your actions affect other people.
So, what was all that about? What? Tonight.
You were awkward, nervous.
Blushing.
Oh, probably the wine.
That wasn't the wine.
It was Chris Havel.
Ihardly spoke to him all night.
Nina.
I'm with you.
Are you? Because most of tonight it felt like you wished I wasn't there.
The thing I had with Chris It it was There were feelings.
But it was never a proper relationship.
So I can't compete with him, because in your head he's perfect.
Maybe I should go.
No.
Stay.
Stay.
Soy latte.
Soy latte.
Soy latte.
Are you selling Clystamemnos or Clystamemnos plus the leisure centre? The whole lot.
Do you remember Schmetisikilis? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, the billionairess from Sword, right? Yeah.
Yeah, Clysta had some incredible times with her in the Jell-O tub.
That's me.
I'd always imagined you were a girl.
You too.
- I'll give you 5,000 bucks.
- OK.
Pretty lady.
Pretty lady.
Another day.
And already it's like last night was a dream.
A Chris Havel dream.
With no bearing on today.
Nina.
Mmm? Where have you been all morning? It's kind of private.
Oh.
We're your friends.
What is it, Cherie? OK, so, um, I'm coming home this morning and I come through the door and there's Hang on.
Where had you been all night? Nowhere.
Oh, God.
Here we go again.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But that's not the story.
OK, so, um, I come through the door and Darcy's there and there's Ray.
Cherie.
Cherie.
It's Ray.
He was walking around and he fell down and he held his breath and then he passed out.
OK.
Right.
Calm down.
Our son is unconscious.
Trust me.
See? He's OK.
He's just had a breath-holding spell.
Lots of kids do this.
That ever happened to our daughter Stella? Well, if it had, I'd tell you, Casanova.
I thought I'd better get him checked out.
Make sure it's nothing serious.
Good idea.
So, I rang Chris Havel.
What? Well, he's in town and he's always been good with Ray.
Yeah, no, there's no sign of any injury.
But I can order some tests for Ray if you like.
An EEG will rule out epilepsy and a blood test, check for iron deficiency and anaemia.
Thank you.
Oh, it's easy.
Heading by the hospital later today.
Oh? To say hello? Kind of.
Um, I'm thinking about coming back for good.
He he's coming back? With the wife? No.
Alice and I aren't together anymore.
We've split up.
Hey.
Oh, hi.
Thought I might catch you out here.
Oh.
I've mostly avoided this balcony, actually.
I missed you.
I have to go and What did you just say? Nothing.
It's OK.
Yeah, I have to go and, uh, say hello.
Arrange some tests.
Yes.
Cherie told me.
Ray.
Yeah.
But I'd like to see you to talk.
Catch up.
Just away from all this.
You don't have to agree, Nina.
You can say no.
You can.
Of course, there's nothing wrong with talking.
I understand if you don't want to.
I do.
Tonight? Yes.
Vassilio? OK.
Seven? Sure.
OK.
I've printed out a schedule for tomorrow.
Got a copy for me? Yep.
Oh.
What's your mum doing today? Dunno.
Think she's shopping for an outfit.
Mmm.
She's a sweetheart.
Ha! No.
She's not.
Hi.
Darling, do you live with a troupe of Canadian acrobats? You talking to me now, are you? Get your arse over to our place and take charge of Mick's mother now.
Eh? She cannot know we live above the garage.
Um Mrs Holland? It's Bassett.
Marilyn.
I'm I'm Billie's brother, Jimmy.
You meeting Mum and Dad tonight? Yes.
And if I have to go through that ordeal, I need an anaesthetic.
What's that? Valium and gin.
Want some? No, thanks.
Ohh, nectar of the gods.
Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho.
What? Will you wait here for one second? What have you done to my parrot? I-I got him some new duds.
Come on, Ralph.
There you go, Ralph.
Home again.
Safe and sound.
Her name is Julietta.
Sorry about that, Ralph.
Thank you.
Hello.
Where have you been? Touching.
You want some? Yeah.
What the hell? Hey.
Hmm? Oh, hi.
- I'm finished.
- Are you? - Heading home.
- Right.
- Come over tonight.
- Oh, I've got a family thing A lie.
An out-and-out lie.
A lie right to his face.
It's Mick's mother.
- Well, come over later.
- Mm-hm.
Yes.
Acrobats smoking bongs, people sleeping in chairs.
- It's a garage, Mum.
- And exotic birds too.
Oh, what wonderful, colourful lives you live.
Jimmy? I'm assuming you had something to do with this.
And he was charming.
Your best friend, Mick.
You can tell a lot about a man by the company he keeps, can't you? - Meaning? - Hmm? - Only teasing.
- Don't worry about her, Geraldine.
Hi.
Hi.
- Am I late? - Not at all.
No.
- You look beautiful.
- Oh.
So do you.
Shall we sit or stay standing? Oh, let's sit.
Thank you.
You went to Baltimore.
Yeah.
I never thought either of my sons would ever get married.
It's interesting what they will settle for.
- Now, hang on a minute.
- Here's Billie.
Hi.
Oh, Marilyn.
Um, this is my father, Darcy.
Wonderful to meet you, Marilyn.
You too.
Here we are.
Let's eat.
Ooh, somebody's phone is ringing.
Jimmy.
- Hello.
- Jimmy! - Ah! - Jimmy! Jimmy! Jimmy.
Hey.
So, why did you come back? Well, my dad had a heart attack.
- Oh, no.
- Mmm.
Well, he's OK.
Everything's fine now.
You? Well, I didn't have a heart attack.
No.
I mean, um Cherie told me that you and Alice are not together anymore.
No.
We tried.
We really tried.
We just couldn't make it work.
So, the man from last night - .
.
Patrick.
- Patrick.
- He's your boyfriend? - He is.
Great.
It's new.
I feel disloyal even speaking about him.
Oh, that's alright.
Yeah.
- You seem happy.
- Do I? II am.
Well, I was until I got an email from you.
Why did you have to pick now? I don't know.
Sorry.
I don't know what I'm doing.
A secret, silly part of me has always thought that there was someone - the one, you know? And I can't help thinking I mean I mean, that silly secret part of me thinks that it might be you.
Despite everything.
Ever since I got your email I've been thinking, "What if?" "What if I miss out on the best thing that's ever?" I kept wondering if it'd be the same when I saw you.
It is.
Is it? I didn't mean to come back and OK, I'm dis I'm such a cow.
I lied to Patrick about where I was going tonight.
And that's just I think we should go.
Where? I'll walk you home.
And then I'll go back to my hotel.
Excuse me.
Can I just get the bill, please? Sure.
How long are you here for? I leave tomorrow.
I'm gonna walk the rest of the way home by myself.
You sure? Yeah, I'm sure.
I'm It's fine.
I'll be fine.
Thank you for dinner.
Thanks for seeing me.
I'm glad I did.
No.
I can't.
Don't.
I don't want to be this person.
I can't be this person.
I can't.
I can't.
- Hello.
- Hi.
- Are you on drugs? - Yeah.
I had a valium and a gin.
OK.
I did it, Zara.
I did the thing with the ledger.
I made back all the money I owed.
Now I can get out of here.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
I'm gonna get me a job as an, um, as an air courier, and go to the States and, I don't know, ditch the return, and maybe become a counsellor at a summer camp called Jimmy, I'm pregnant.
Eh? I don't want to interfere with your plans.
I'm just telling you.
You're gonna have a baby? Well, I don't know if I'm having it.
But there's one in there and it's yours.
Wow.
Um whatever you want.
I'll be there.
Well, that's a great offer, but I'll support you whatever you want.
Support how? Be a dad.
Jimmy, you can't be a dad.
You're not done being a child.
You're gorgeous, but you're useless.
Valium and gin.
You're gonna have such a hangover tomorrow.
Oh, Marilyn, hi.
I hope you weren't asleep.
No.
I haven't even gone to bed yet.
Ohh.
Uh, come in.
Thank you.
Can I, uh can I get you something? Aa gin? Oh, no.
I, um, I just wanted to discuss a potential problem.
I hope there's no trouble.
I came here to say, um don't spoil anything tomorrow.
What sort of person do you think I am? I think I know exactly the kind of woman you are.
Well, I'm sorry if I've unwittingly trodden on any of your toes.
Look, Billie and Mick deserve some joy after the year they've had.
Really? What happened? And if you do anything to undermine my daughter or your son's happiness, you're going to have to answer to me.
Darcy?! Oh! Geraldine.
Darcy! Even for you, this is Even rutting dogs have some standards! Hi.
I'm up to a good bit.
Tonight was great.
What dinner were you at? It was a disaster.
You're in a love bubble with my mum.
Don't worry.
Got the rest of our lives for you to see what she's really like.
- Mick? - Mmm? Rest of our lives.
That starts tomorrow.
It's already started.
Yeah, I know, but as of tomorrow, I'm gonna be your wife.
You real-life forever after wife.
Yeah, I know.
And you're gonna be my husband.
I'm gonna be at a cafe and I'll be like, "No, you can't have that chair 'cause I'm waiting for my husband.
" Is this just occurring to you now? - Mick? - Mmm? I can't wait.
Me either.
- Patrick.
- Mm-hmm.
Wait, wait.
What's the matter? I-I met up with Chris Havel tonight.
I thought you had a family thing on tonight.
That wasn't true.
You met up with him where? At a restaurant.
We had dinner.
You know, I knew you had to see him.
You didn't have to keep it a secret.
OK.
So, this is not ideal.
Nina, I don't want to share you.
And I don't want to lose you.
So what do you suggest I do? Say something.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
Should I should I leave? I think you should figure out what it is you want.