Offspring (2010) s02e13 Episode Script

- What wedding? - Our wedding! Don't spoil anything tomorrow.
What sort of person do you think I am? - Darcy? - Geraldine.
- Jimmy, I'm pregnant.
- You're gonna have a baby? Well, I don't know if I'm having it but there's one in there and it's yours.
There's no sign of any injury.
I can order some tests for Ray if you like.
Ever since I got your email, I've been thinking, "What if I miss out on the best thing that's ever" I met up with Chris Havel tonight.
Nina, I don't want to share you.
And I don't want to lose you.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I think you should figure out what it is you want.
Do not trust anything your body's telling you right now.
Trust your logical mind.
Who says you have to choose? Tempting.
Come on, pull yourself together.
Gotta be a good bridesmaid for Billie.
That's all that matters today.
Billie, I got called in to work last night and I couldn't pick up your bouquet but I'm gonna l could go and do it Neens, don't stress.
There's plenty of time.
There will be no stress.
I've got this wedding thing so sorted.
You know what, I refuse to believe that there's a Proudman family wedding curse.
I know Mum claims it goes back several generations.
Wasn't it Nanna Beth who Yeah, get trampled by her own horse-drawn carriage.
Sure.
And wasn't it Uncle Barry who Yeah, OK, OK, yes.
The best man swallowed the wedding rings.
But they got those out in the end, Neens.
And I would argue that Cousin Bettina taught us all a very valuable lesson.
Never go strapless.
So the curse is bullshit.
We're gonna pull off a low-cost, stress-free, elegant, gorgeous wedding.
to turn up at your place at 1300 hours so you two can get me brided up.
Alright.
See you there.
OK.
No.
Not ready to bump into him in the hallway.
Nina! His tests have come back all fine.
EEG, blood tests.
All normal.
- That's wonderful news.
- Thank you so much, Chris.
- Glad I could help.
- Um see you later.
- Nina.
- Mm? You're really fascinated with Ray's EEG readout? Oh, well, I'm Should probably give it back to Cherie.
Cherie? Ooh! - You alright? - Yes.
Oh.
Ray's an A? Sorry? What what blood type are you? Oh, I'm a supermarket no-name-brand O.
Oh, that's funny, 'cause Dad's a B like Billie.
And, er, I know Mum is too.
Which means there's no way Ray could be Dad's kid.
No, come on! That can't be right.
Oh, I don't know what I'm talking about.
Oh, well, I know that Darcy's the only possible father.
Yes.
Yeah, I know, but it's it is it is weird because Oh, look, I'm just a bit tired.
Oh, Ray.
Hang on.
Are you suggesting that No.
I can assure you I didn't lie about Ray's conception.
No.
Cherie.
No Ooh! You OK? Mmm.
Do you want to get some air? OK.
I lay awake all night thinking about us.
Last year, and how things were Tortured? Oh, well Yeah, they were.
Too many mixed messages.
"Go.
" "Wait.
" "I'm free.
" "No, I'm not actually.
" "Just a bit more married than I told you.
" And all the time the smiling and the kissing and the Well, you went to Baltimore I didn't know what you wanted.
I didn't know what you were thinking.
It took me so long to get over you, Chris.
Anyway, let's not drag all this up now.
I agree.
Let's not.
So what are we left with? There's this weird chemistry thing between us.
I don't know what it means.
Well, I don't want to destroy anything but I'm not gonna walk away, not if it means making a mistake again, so What do you want me to do.
I don't know.
Jimmy, Billie knows all the details for the wedding master plan.
It's not about the wedding, it's about Zara.
Don't make me a go-between in your love-life.
Has she said anything to you about needing time off work? Jimmy, you're doing my head in.
What do you want? Zara's pregnant.
To me.
Neens, you there? Yeah, I know.
It's pretty full-on.
Are the Proudman men determined to impregnate every single one of my work colleagues? The thing is, Nina, I don't even know what she's thinking.
Morning, Zara.
Morning.
Is she there with you now? Shh.
I heard you guys had a crazy night.
What's she saying? Babies popping out all over.
What's she saying about babies? Nothing to do with you.
Goodbye.
That was Jimmy? What? Ye yep.
He told you? Yes.
And, Zara, if you want to talk through your options, I'm happy to putting aside my brother's involvement.
I just I have to go right now.
Thanks, Nina.
Really, I'm fine.
I'm not after anyone's help or opinions in this.
Billie's bouquet - done.
Should call Jimmy back.
And Zara.
And Cherie.
Should call Chris.
Should call Patrick.
Oh, shit.
Are you two really the best men I could find? Hey, I brought the wedding rings, gaffer tape and aspirin.
Mmm.
And I want you to have such a great day that I volunteer to be mother-wrangler.
Oh, thank you, brother.
Andrew's far better at handling Marilyn than I am.
I just stick to certain quarantine protocols, reduce exposure.
You right there, princess? Do you reckon I'm terminally immature? Er yes.
I'd say yes and I hardly know you.
I'm really asking.
Do you reckon I'm incapable of operating as a responsible adult? Relax! You've sorted your life so you don't have to be a grown-up.
Yeah, but what if what if I ever, say, end up having a kid or something like that? Ican't Oh, you want me to put it on speaker? Yeah, ta.
It's Nina.
Jim, I've been thinking about Zara's pregnancy and I just wanted to Nina, hi, I can't really talk right now.
Um Listen, don't tell Billie anything, OK? Until you and I have No, I won't.
Look, I've got to go.
I'll speak to you later.
Jim Oh! Nurse Zara.
She's pregnant? Did you get her pregnant? Far out! Jesus.
Women have got to be careful around that Proudman supersperm, don't they? It was an accident and I didn't even know what Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, you cannot say any of this to Billie.
- Not today.
It'll upset her.
- Of course not.
And, Mick, I'm so sorry if this makes you feel like shit.
I'll get over it.
Well, it's nearly the moment to get suited up.
Gents? Oh, shit.
Mum, you scared me.
Happy wedding day, Michael.
Mick, I really am sorry.
There's Dad.
Well, look at you, you dapper little gent.
This handsome devil can help me take the cake to the venue.
Mm? Come on.
You look great.
Hey, um, look, I know this isn't the day to stir things up, but Oh, um has Geraldine said something to you? No.
Is Geraldine stewing about something? Oh, no, no.
What's wrong? Nina's basically accused me of lying about you being Ray's biological you know.
What? Why would Nina think there was Oh, she saw his blood type and she thinks that means he can't be yours.
What blood type is Ray? Are you questioning my honesty too? No.
No, I just don't understand.
No, this isn't the best time.
I've got to go.
Billie's waiting.
Oh, Billie, I thought you had a key! Hang on.
Hey.
Ooh, hi.
I know you're busy and I don't want to waste your time but but I was right before.
We'd talked ourselves into dead ends and we should fix that.
Say something.
Say something to make it all OK.
I didn't mean l think you should go, Chris.
I'm on a flight out tonight.
Can I see you before then? II don't know.
I'll be at the Lyall Hotel until 7:00.
Come after the wedding.
I'll wait.
I need to think.
Please go.
Can you believe I'm getting married today? I've never even been into weddings.
This is nice.
Hey, thanks for being my bridesmaids.
- Neen.
- Mm.
This is it.
It's perfect.
It seemed silly to waste the whole budget on a venue for a small family-only event.
It was a church once.
Oh, it's great.
It's still got a churchy vibe.
Mmm.
And the vendors are overseas.
- Are you gonna make a big entrance? - Yeah, that's the plan.
So you guys go inside, check it out.
I'll wait here.
I'll meet Mum and Dad up the front when you give me the all-clear.
And if there is such a thing as a Proudman wedding curse, we spit in its face.
Hi, honey.
Neens, one more.
Nina, tell Billie five minutes.
Unless you want to wait for Patrick first.
Yeah oh.
It's beautiful in here.
Mick says five minutes.
OK.
We're on schedule.
I hope you're gonna give me some grandchildren one day.
Suits you.
Are you saying I'd be good with kids? Well, you always have been.
Do you think I'd make a good parent? Surprisingly enough, if it was with a strong woman yes, I do.
- You look gorgeous, Nina.
- Oh, thank you.
I can see where the pretty went in the family.
Who are these people? Are they supposed to be here? I mean, isn't it meant to be family only? Oh, well Renee's actually a qualified marriage celebrant.
So I'm registered and ready the day they legalise gay marriage.
Good on you, Renee.
This is my first go at a wedding.
- Patrick's running late, is he? - Mm? Mmm.
Mm-hm.
Excuse me.
- Hi.
- Hi.
No, thank you.
Ready to go.
Jimmy! Jim, we're - Hi.
- Jimmy's bolted.
What? He's gone? Oh, he said he had something urgent to do.
Oh he said he had something urgent to do.
He's the best man and the photographer.
He can't Want to come and wait inside now? No, I'm gonna stay here.
OK.
Jimmy! You almighty tool.
Where are you? Is this what you call being a best man? Zara.
Hey.
Hey.
Mick? Listen, I can't get a hold of Jimmy.
We need to revise the schedule.
We should bring out the food now.
I am serene.
I am bride-ly.
You are.
Oh! Rocket! Rocket! Get away from that.
Thought I'd keep you company while we wait.
Aww.
Oh, actually, can you get me some of those duck pancakes? I'm starving.
The food What? What? Tell me.
Ro Rocket ate some of it.
And the bits he didn't eat Rocket slobbered all over the canapes? Yes.
- But don't worry.
- Not worried.
Not worried.
This is a good omen.
It means that the quota of Proudman bad luck is out of the way.
Yes.
Now everything else is gonna run smoothly.
Yes.
OK.
Oh, how's Patrick coping with an official family function? Oh, what? You fought with him and now he's not coming? Well, not exactly.
Oh God, Neens! What? You're chasing after the Chris Havel fantasy again? - Oh.
I can run my own life.
- You reckon? Let me run your life, I couldn't wreck it worse than you.
Oh, OK, Billie! What, you're gonna throw away a great man like Patrick so you can, what, float away on sexy fairy dust in your head? I think it's different with Chris now.
- No.
No.
- No? My skin is gonna go blotchy because I'm all worked up about your shit.
And if I have mottled cheeks in our new wedding photos, then I will never forgive you for the rest of our lives.
I will only think about serene, bride-ly things.
- Jimmy's back.
- Oh.
- Help.
- What? - I can't Help.
- Oh.
I can't Zara's keeping the baby.
- I'm having a baby.
- Oh! God, that's great.
Um um Billie's about to arrive.
Just don't say anything to her about this today.
You look beautiful.
What are you doing in my house? Oh We're sorry.
My sister and her partner, th-th-they deserve a great wedding because they've had a shit year infertility, a miscarriage and dead Japanese fish Excuse me.
Not my problem.
YOU get out or I'll call the police.
G'day.
Darcy Proudman.
Love, over here.
You mean a central passageway? I vowed we wouldn't have the wedding in this pub.
Ohh.
You're upset, darling.
Mm.
I'm sorry if it's had anything to do with your father and me.
Sorry? It would've stayed discreet if Geraldine hadn't turned up unannounced - when Darcy and I were still in bed.
I hope your mother hasn't been blab Dad? - Mum.
- What's going on? Is it true? Did you Is what W You s you slept with her? Even for you, that's just How could you? I'm really sorry.
Um maybe now's not No.
No.
My wedding is not the time to be having sex with the groom's mother.
Please tell me I didn't just hear that.
Yes.
Your mother and your father-in-law.
Ugh! Billie.
No.
Uh just need a moment to regain my bride-ly serenity.
Oh, Ray.
I always felt like I was a part of this family.
Hey, Cherie.
Let's not think about that right now, Cherie.
Um Nina's cast some doubt on whether I'm Ray's actual father.
No! I It's a mix-up.
We can untangle it later.
No.
Sorry.
- We can untangle it now.
- Cherie.
Look, I agree, she could've meant "Sorry, I've picked the other guy.
" But she could've meant "Sorry, I can't come to" Shut up, please.
If you stay here pawing at your wounded ego, you give Nina this choice - one, a supposedly drop-dead gorgeous guy offering himself in a romantic "I've yearned for you, despite many obstacles" scenario or, two, difficult man hiding and sulking.
Piss off.
Well, given Nina's history with this guy, it's wonder she's confused.
- Thanks for the vote of confidence.
- Ohh.
Oh! Sexual jealousy is a primitive emotion.
This is not sexual jealousy.
So you don't care if she lusts after this other guy.
Of course I don't love the idea, but that's not the point, Kate.
She's choosing him instead of me.
I'm losing her.
- Well, are you sure about that? - Yes, I saw them.
- I saw them kissing.
- Go and find her.
What have you got to lose? My last shred of dignity.
Right.
Better stay here and fondle the last shred of your dignity on your own, then.
Could I hate anyone more than I hate you right now? Yes, you'll hate yourself if you don't go and fight for the high-quality woman that you love and who possibly loves you.
I'm so sorry your big day's turned out to be such a shemozzle.
We'll be right.
We'll be back on track any minute.
Mm.
Mind you, there's no shortage of bad omens.
I'm the last person to badmouth my sons, but if Michael slept with your sister once, what's not to say? - Did he tell you that? - Hmm? No.
No, it was that, um little drunken lesbian.
She's quite a chatterbox.
Billie, I'm so sorry.
You must feel terrible knowing that your little brother has got some stray nurse pregnant and you and Michael can't have babies at all.
Anyway I'll leave you to fix up your face.
Ahh.
Test kits for blood type and, uh some food for the guests.
I asked him to bring kebabs.
Thank you.
We can all test each other's blood.
Mm-hm.
Finger.
That makes sense.
Ooh! Jimmy, you're next.
Billie.
God.
What's wrong? What's wrong? Jimmy a baby.
I don't know if I can take it.
OK.
Billie.
OK.
Billie I knew.
OK? I knew.
I just didn't want to tell you today.
Thanks.
God.
This is our wedding day.
This is supposed to be a happy thing.
And now look You're crying and we're sitting on the filthy floor of a pub fucking TOILET! God.
All I want to do is make you happy, Billie.
But there's no point if you're crying.
It's You know what? Let's Let's forget about getting married today.
I'll just send everybody away.
She knows about Jimmy.
Well, the Proudman wedding curse has struck.
Just means that there's something seriously wrong with me and Mick.
What? No.
No! Mm.
Now he thinks it's a bad idea to get married.
Oh, bloody look at us.
We're a tragic joke.
Oh.
That is not true, Billie.
Look, everyone else in the family's a tragic joke.
Look at me.
But you and Mick, that's the one thing we're all sure about.
Look at all the crap that's been thrown at you.
You've dealt with it.
You've dealt with it because you have this great love.
And we need you to be together so that we know it's possible.
Like a beacon of hope.
Come on.
You look beautiful.
OK.
Thanks.
I can't see it lasting.
She's got quite a tongue on her.
She doesn't listen to a word you say.
Mum, please.
Really, Michael, can you make this woman happy? Shut up, Mum.
Your father was hopeless when it came to making a woman happy.
Get away from my man, you Botoxed hyena! You were lucky enough to have kids.
You were so lucky.
But you didn't love them properly.
But Mick had other people like his dad and Mrs Fetta.
Mrs Edam.
Mrs Gouda? I knew it was a cheese name.
The-the piano teacher.
I'm so You sad old vulture.
Something shrivelled up inside you to make you like this, but Mick, Mick's turned out OK despite you.
He is a beautiful and loving man and now he's got me and we're gonna make our own family.
OK? I'm sorry.
I Fuck me dead, you are a magnificent woman.
Marry us now! Ooh.
Everybody, welcome.
Marriage is a partnership in which each person can grow and be their true self.
Oh, shit, yeah! True selves, that's it.
Mick, will you take Billie to be your lawful wedded wife? Will you cherish, honour Will you stand by her Husband and wife! About time too.
Couldn't have said it better myself.
- On ya, mate.
- Jimmy, my brother! Oh.
Congratulations.
Hey, darling, where are you going? To the Lyall to sort out my love-life.
Well done.
Darling, congratulations.
OK.
So we know Ray is A, Jimmy is B.
Yes.
But remember, O antigen is always masked by A- or B-type.
Ooh.
I love a puzzle.
Hey.
Oh.
Where's Nina? She's gone to the Lyall Hotel to sort her love-life out.
I thought she'd gone there to find you.
Uh no, not me.
Ooh.
I'm so glad you came.
It's probably better if you don't touch me right now.
I won't be able to speak properly.
OK.
Actually, don't look at me either.
Well, I can't not look at you.
OK.
Just don't look at me like that.
Just No.
I just I need to get this out in one go.
And I'm not even sure about all of it.
I'm I'm not sure of it with every cell in my body.
Maybe if the timing had been right.
But I can't be with you, Chris.
I've missed my chance, haven't I? I'm in love with Patrick.
It's it's not perfect.
And I don't even know if he'll want to be with me after everything I've put him through.
But it's real and it's strong.
And I want to give it a decent chance.
Then you should.
I want you to be happy, Nina.
Obviously, I wish you were happier with me, but Bye.
Pick up, pick up.
Hi.
I'm sorry.
I I called your place and Kate said you'd gone to the venue.
Yeah, there was some woman ranting about trespassing and then the guy next door said you went to the pub.
But then your mum told me you'd gone.
I thought that l went to see him Right.
To tell him I can't be with him.
Nina, you don't need to say that just because you know, you want to do the honourable thing or that that's the way that the timing worked out.
It's not what I want.
No, that's not what I'm saying.
Look, if you want to be with him, you should.
I mean, fuck, it'd kill me, but The thing is, Nina I need you to want to be with me.
I do.
I don't want to be second choice.
You're not.
You're not.
I'm I'm I'm in love with you.
I love you.
And I'm sorry that I I had to work all this stuff out in my head, clear it away No.
I get that.
I still hate him.
I know.
I'm sorry.
But it's it's different with you.
I know.
But it doesn't matter.
I'm very bad at this.
Hey.
I love you.
Watch out, you might actually be happy.
Look at you, all lit up.
Well, it would require full DNA analysis, but by the crude measure of blood type, there is no reason to think that little Ray isn't Darcy's boy.
Nina's error was making an assumption about Darcy's blood type.
Now, if she Doesn't matter anymore.
The probable blood types do tell us one thing for sure.
Nina isn't Darcy's child.
Exactly.