On Becoming a God in Central Florida (2019) s01e02 Episode Script
The Gloomy-Zoomies
1 Previously Hello! Who's fired up?! If you only trust me, I will make your dream come true.
Krystal, trust the Garbeau System.
[CODY.]
The most beautiful thing about your business is that you share it, together.
[TRAVIS.]
Cody gets it, honey.
If you leave CAI, I will leave you.
Whoa! [CODY.]
Travis! [SCREAMING.]
[KRYSTAL.]
No, what I'm saying is that my husband was on the job when it happened.
[WOMAN.]
Ma'am, your husband was not an employee of Founders American Merchandise.
He was an independent business owner.
We need to be strong for Krystal, you know.
I can do that.
[KRYSTAL.]
I have a child.
I need health insurance.
I need the mortgage paid on time.
I need you to make this right.
- [SIGHS.]
- I have nothing.
[OBIE.]
I understand that you are emotional, but my system did not kill your husband.
[GUNSHOTS.]
An alligator did.
[SCREAMING.]
[COOING.]
["ANGEL OF THE MORNING" BY JUICE NEWTON.]
[DRIPPING.]
There'll be no strings to bind your hands Not if my love can bind your heart [PANTING.]
There's no need to take a stand For it was I Who chose to start [GRUNTS.]
I see no need - To take me home - [GRUNTS.]
[EXHALES.]
[QUIETLY.]
Crap.
the dawn Just call me angel of the morning Angel Just touch my cheek before you leave me, baby [CODY.]
Let me just interrupt you for one second, Brenden.
To be honest, I didn't peg you for a wham-and-scram guy.
You know? I mean, leaving a business just as it's about to take off, it's it it's dumb, Brenden.
It's super dumb.
I'm I No.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, no.
I'm not calling you dumb.
I'm just saying that you do dumb - [CLICK, DIAL TONE.]
- Hello? Brenden? Hello? [PHONE BEEPING.]
- [EXHALES.]
- [BEEP.]
[GRUNTING.]
[PANTING.]
[INTRIGUING, ATMOSPHERIC MUSIC.]
[OBIE.]
I know that J-O-B is a prison.
It's a prison of your own election, but it's still a prison.
After I dropped out of school, as it happens, I was a guard for the Zephyrhills Road Prison.
I think about those long August days at the prison.
I was overseeing the road crew with my billy club, making sure those animals kept their heads down and their tools swinging.
It was brutal work.
I was on my feet all day, walking the line, sweating.
[ON TAPE.]
"But, Mr.
Garbeau, didn't you learn a lot about hard work?" [CHUCKLES.]
Yeah, sure.
I learned how to grind myself into dust.
I learned how to kiss butts.
I learned how to be a sucker.
[SQUEAKING.]
[EXHALES.]
Goddamn it.
[DESTINEE COOING OVER MONITOR.]
[SIGHS.]
[CODY.]
Hiya.
Brought you something.
[SIGHS.]
Oh, God.
[EXHALES.]
What, uh What's shakin'? What do you want? I want to talk about Travis's business, in light of the tragedy.
Are those ? As you know, Travis was a legendary recruiter, in terms of his [CHUCKLES.]
his attitude and his his commitment and Those will be big shoes to fill, Krystal.
Well, the business belonged to the both of you, so it's, uh it's yours now.
And I I understand that you've had - some challenges - What do you want, Cody? Travis's downline.
Why is it that I've been buying Happy Meals with pennies, but [SCOFFS.]
you always seem to be doing just fine? That's just how the Garbeau System works.
It takes commitment How many nights a week do you spend recruiting, Cody? [QUIETLY.]
Um Leave the cookie.
[UP-TEMPO, DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[ALARM BEEPING.]
[ALARM STOPS.]
[GROANS.]
Good morning, dumpling.
[BETS.]
Morning.
[YAWNS.]
[BETS INHALES.]
What you doing? [INHALES.]
You know what? - Huh? - [SNIFFS.]
[LAUGHING.]
What are you doing? Your armpits smell different from each other.
- What? - Yeah.
Larry smells all musty, but Ralph doesn't smell like anything at all.
What? [BETS SNIFFS, GIGGLES.]
Huh.
Ain't that something.
- Hey, Ernie? - Hmm? What, pickle? Are we going to talk about why you came home after midnight smelling like chlorine? I'm sorry.
You know, it just it just helps.
I know, soggy britches.
I'm just worried about you is all.
Well, you and my pillowcases.
[CHUCKLES.]
[QUIET, OMINOUS MUSIC.]
[STAN.]
The happiest place on Earth.
The happiest place on Earth.
[SCOFFS.]
Where does that leave Rebel Rapids, huh? I don't know, Stan.
Not why I'm here.
[MUTTERING.]
Shit.
[SIGHS.]
I need cash.
Can't.
Jesus, Stan.
Oh, you think you're the only one with problems? We're at war here, Miss Stubbs.
And the mouse has got the money.
Now's not the time for frivolous spending.
Frivolous? I had to walk here because my car's at the bottom of a swamp.
I need a raise, an advance, something.
You didn't walk here today.
Yeah, I saw you.
Ernie gave you a ride.
An alligator ate my husband.
Look, you're asking for a precedent that I can't afford to set.
But [CLEARS THROAT.]
Water-obics needs a new instructor.
Yeah, Brenda's got another UTI.
The woman simply won't change out of her swimsuit.
It's pathological.
Well, do I get a raise if I do Water-obics? All right, it pays ten dollars a week.
And I've been offering Brenda two dollars a head to goose attendance.
Wait, what? I've seen that class.
That's, like, 16 bucks a week, tops.
Think of it as 64 a month.
Ugh, God.
Eat my shorts, Stan.
[MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER RADIO.]
[CODY.]
You are a powerful individual.
You clearly have exceptional social skills, and I think you can market those.
I only offer this opportunity to folks I know have what it takes to succeed in the world of business.
Sir, if you are not with this party, you need to leave.
You already blew your chance, Helena.
Don't blow theirs, please.
It's okay.
We were just leaving.
- [HELENA.]
No.
- No, no, no, no, no.
You're you're making a mistake.
This [DOOR CLOSES.]
[SIGHS.]
I see you also like business.
You got to do whatever you can to stay ahead in this economy.
Oh, no kidding.
Tough on working folks.
You seem like the type of guy who stays on top of things.
- Informed.
- Well you got to be in my industry.
And you also have to be perceptive, which you clearly are.
I hear you.
Your boss must be very happy with your work.
Oh.
[CHUCKLES.]
Happier than you can imagine.
Because I am my own boss.
- "Cody Boner, Boner Enterprises.
" - It's Bonar.
- Good to meet you.
- Pat Stanley.
- Your own business, huh? - Yes.
Taxes must be killer.
Well, actually, in my industry, - everything is a tax write-off.
- Same here.
Would you believe that a bona fide billionaire is my mentor? [SCOFFS.]
A fellow Founders man.
[LAUGHS.]
Though I walk a different path.
Oh.
Oh.
- Buck Bridges.
- Yep.
Are you from California? Just passing through.
Business.
Well, while you're in Florida, you should be representing Founders Southeast.
Obie Garbeau II revolutionized distribution in Florida, and actually actually, I would be happy to incorporate you into my downline.
Sir, you won't find a better mentor for the Garbeau System.
In only three years, I've - Uh, believe me, Mr.
Boner - Bonar.
Apologies.
Um, I want to be clear.
I'm not looking for a new system.
Well - the thing is, Pete, that - Pat.
Pat.
The Garbeau System is about community.
And you can't build a community when out-of-towners show up and muddy the waters.
Garbeau can't handle a little mud? [CHUCKLES.]
Tread lightly, friend.
Wait a minute.
Were you trying to recruit those people? Seemed pretty comfortable taking no for an answer, Boner.
But if you ever want to elevate your game beep me.
I was just going to offer you those beans.
Missed me.
[SIGHS.]
[MAN.]
Zuber's Tubers is the potato specialty store [LAUGHING LIGHTLY.]
- Hi.
- Hi.
[BUZZ.]
So, what kind of game you after? Hog? Well, you can get five or six hogs on the back of this guy, easy.
Been thinking about going bigger, but the permit fees are out of control.
I did a mission trip to Belize with Pete Heckley over at Fish and Game.
I can get you a permit.
Y'all hear about that gator attack last week? I went to high school with that fella.
Yeah, Travis Stubbs.
Took the Tornadoes all the way in '75.
Heard that gator chomped him in half like a gingerbread man.
Married a real piece of ass, though.
- Oh, yeah.
I'd chomp her in half.
- Hey, bite your tongue.
That's a Miss Zuber you're talking about.
Okay, okay.
Miss 1982.
Best talent the pageant ever saw.
That poor thing.
Brittni, look at me.
When life hits one of my girls, damn it, I hit back.
Customer.
Oh.
Welcome to Buzz's Motorsports.
[KRYSTAL.]
Really nice scent.
It's lavender with just a hint of rose hip.
Give you three bucks for this.
That jersey belonged to a state champ.
- Give me a real offer.
- [GROANS.]
But who would need this much lotion? Oh.
Try some.
You'll get hooked.
- Ten bucks.
- Actually, that's not for sale.
But [SCOFFS.]
Ernie, what are you doing here? Just shopping.
[CHUCKLES.]
Hey, Carol.
Hey! Hey, excuse me.
Hi, sugar.
Is this your house? Yeah.
And that's my pool you're draining.
Oh, okay, great.
So, uh, can I talk to a Travis Stubbs? Hey, what are these? Candlesticks.
What do they look like? I'll give you both for 200.
Final offer.
And, no, Travis was eaten by a gator.
Oh, my Lord, well, I'm so sorry to hear that.
Well, I'm from Sunshine Repo, and, um, your husband rest his soul he has a few things that technically belong to the bank, like that pool.
Oh, for shit sakes.
Well, if they need money, I need to sell this stuff.
And I can't sell this stuff - if you're taking all my shit away.
- Honey, honey, say no more.
I don't care if it's not for sale! Everything has its price.
$800 for that fine swimming pool.
[WHISPERS.]
Okay, say "sold.
" Sold! [WHISPERING.]
I'm I'm gonna need in your house.
[WHISPERING.]
Do you have to do this right now? Yeah.
I'm so sorry, hon.
[SNIFFLES.]
[SIGHS.]
It's, uh, not name brand, but it's the same stuff.
- Okay.
- [RHONDA.]
Oh! Hard to believe all these great deals we're getting, eh, Marvin? - Hey.
- Hey.
Ernie, that's all Travis's stuff.
How much for all of it? Um 50? Would you take a hundred? What? All right.
- Here you go.
- Ernie you don't have to do that.
[LAUGHS.]
You drive a hard bargain, lady.
[TIRES SCREECHING, HORN HONKING.]
Nope.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Krystal, these things, they belong to your downline.
- They're not to sell.
- Hey.
Okay, listen, I need you to put all the Founders merchandise back in your garage.
What you're doing is theft.
Did Carol tattle on me? Doesn't matter.
We get the FAM things off the lawn pronto.
Hey.
They were in my house, they're taking up my space, I'm selling 'em.
[WHISPERS.]
Yes, well, they're already sold.
Huh? To your downline.
Listen, I don't mean to be Mr.
Discipline here, - but Travis's business follows a system.
- Mm-hmm.
That system can still make you rich, but you have to follow it.
Right? You know this.
You've done this for two years.
Yeah.
And the rules always change, so how about this system? I give people things, they pay me.
You are the pope of nope today.
Look at the big picture.
The volume of product that Travis's that your downline buys determines your FP, which determines your bonus tier.
Travis was on the verge of jumping a tier, giving him colossal bonus checks.
Now, your downline is gonna be here Thursday, and if you've sold their product, I mean, Krystal Um, okay.
Sorry.
Ma'am? - Excuse me, ma'am.
Sorry.
- What? We got to have a little talk about the railroad tracks.
See, I'm supposed to take you to the orthodontist to get them removed.
Otherwise, you can't get 'em cleaned, and, well, - we both know that ain't pretty.
- [CRYING.]
Honey, I'm so sorry.
Do you need someone to talk to? If I get these things off, it's on my terms.
Okay.
Okay.
How much do I owe? [GASPS.]
[SIGHS.]
Oh, fuck.
Cody! Listen, if I give you 600 for what you owe on the braces, will you put the FAM goods back in your garage and distribute by the system? One more time.
That's it.
[SIGHS.]
[PHONE RINGING.]
[PAN SIZZLING.]
[KRYSTAL.]
Stubbs residence.
Leave one after the beep.
[MACHINE BEEPS.]
[BUZZ.]
Krystal? Uh, it's Buzz.
I heard about what happened to your husband, and I haven't been able to stop thinking Well, listen, on behalf of all of us at the Miss Zuber pageant, if there's anything we can do to help, I mean, we'd do anything for you.
Buzz? [ENGINE WHIRRING.]
[UP-TEMPO, OPTIMISTIC MUSIC.]
[GRUNTS.]
How long till Destinee digs up Mr.
Travis's time capsule? You know, I guess that'll be up to Miss Krystal.
It makes me sad.
Well, it's a good thing we're here.
'Cause it's hard to be sad when you're doing something good for somebody else.
I've been workin' on the railroad All the live-long day [BOTH.]
I've been workin' on the railroad Just to pass the time away [LAUGHS.]
[KRYSTAL.]
This is to get my water turned back on.
[SANDRA.]
Okay.
Uh, just give me a moment while I pull up your account.
Oh, there you are, Mrs.
Stubbs.
And utilities Oh.
What's wrong? Um, well, it looks like one of your mortgages is past due.
- Wait, what? "One of"? - Mm-hmm.
The second's been delinquent since November.
We sent foreclosure notices on November 7, 21, December 3.
You have a balance of $4,987 and 86 cents.
Would you like to pay that now? Uh how long do I have? Um, you have to clear the balance a week from Monday.
Otherwise, they're gonna put a lock on your house.
- And you know how difficult - I know how it works.
Thanks.
Mrs.
Stubbs, I am so sorry to be the bearer of bad news.
- But if No.
- Happy birthday to you - Happy birthday to you - No! [LAUGHS.]
It's my birthday.
- Happy birthday, dear Sandra - Oh, my God.
Happy birthday to you [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE.]
[SIGHS.]
[COOING.]
[BUZZ.]
Yeah, well, a boy his age ought to start getting comfortable with a motorbike.
But you really want to make sure any kid who rides wears a helmet.
It's a hell of a lot of motor for - [WHOOPS.]
- [TIRES SCREECH.]
Good gravy.
I never sat on so much power.
It's like riding a charging buffalo.
Have you ever tried one of these? Oh.
I'm here for my son.
Well, you should try being here for you.
Miss Zuber is forever, Krystal.
I won't leave you hurting here, but you're not right for sales.
I just sold that lady an ATV, and I don't even work here.
I ought to be asking for commission.
It's not just about closing.
It's the haggle.
The money's in the margins.
I don't just hire salesmen who close.
I hire salesmen who close right.
Well, what the hell does that mean? Let me run something else by you, Krystal.
My daughter Becca, she's prepping for Miss Teen Zuber.
Now, I have to recuse myself as a judge, of course.
She's gonna need a proper coach.
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Connie Prumpton offered to do it.
Well, Connie won Miss Zuber '84 'cause of her cans.
Can't coach Becca to have big cans.
You still got a way with words.
Anyway, Becca, she's beautiful, but she's a little spooky.
She's gonna need to lean on her talent.
You know I owned that talent portion.
Forever and always.
Are you still able to do your, um [SIGHS.]
I don't remember what you called it.
The, uh dance with the things? Never called it anything in particular.
I'll show her myself.
[ERNIE GRUNTING.]
[BETS.]
Well, how's it going out there, Harold? [GRUNTS QUIETLY.]
Was Travis Dad's best friend? No, honey.
Why is Dad doing this? Well, doing something nice for your neighbors makes your dad feel good.
Well, why does Dad feel bad? See, right now Miss Krystal doesn't have the time to feel sad, so your dad is being sad for her.
But he's like this a lot.
[SIGHS.]
Hey, Miss Destinee, are you ready for your mama to come get you? It's you and me.
My sympathies, Krystal.
[GASPS.]
Glenna! Oh, my God, deviled eggs.
Oh, you're so sweet.
Here, your order's right here.
Do you need help? Uh, you can help Glenna with her stuff.
Oh, Glenna's fine.
[CAROL.]
Oh, Krystal, I'm just checking.
Have you been pressing hard enough for the triplicates? - Yes, Carol.
- Hmm.
- Bitch.
- [CODY.]
Don't.
Carol is your and my upline.
I agreed to distribute to Travis's downline, - not kiss Carol's ass.
- It wasn't my idea to bring her here, okay? The Wilkeses think you're considering leaving FAM.
[SCOFFS.]
I'm not considering anything.
All right, let's go over your order quick.
[DESTINEE FUSSING.]
Facial tissues, - bandages, large - Hello [KRYSTAL.]
Powder compact, shampoo.
Cody, you can't afford any more pop-n-drops.
Now, if you're facing challenges keeping Krystal engaged, tell me.
I'm here to help.
Oh, she's just in a bad mood, Carol.
You know, it's probably that time of the month.
I beg your pardon? No, I just meant, I meant, um, medically.
[SIGHS.]
Obie did an entire seminar on wavering downline.
I have the tape.
I think you need it.
Oh, I know every single word Obie's ever written or said, I [KRYSTAL.]
I'm done.
Find someone else to do this crap.
[CHUCKLES.]
Fix it.
Yes.
[LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC.]
[KRSYTAL HUMMING.]
[EXHALES.]
[POUNDING ON DOOR.]
[RHONDA.]
Knock, knock! - Yeah? - It's Rhonda! The the repo lady.
Oh.
Come in.
- Door's broken.
- Okay.
I I don't know what's left for you to take.
Oh, no, I'm not here on business.
Look, I I was just thinking about how much fun I had pretending to buy stuff.
I don't repo cases of $100 Scotch often.
My way of offering sympathies.
It's not a good time.
Hey! Don't touch that.
Look, I don't meet a lot of folk during good times.
I do meet folk when they need a shoulder to cry on.
Yeah.
Well, I'll tell you, worst thing about him dying is that now I can't divorce him, so that's where I am in terms of needing - shoulders and such.
- Mm.
[DESTINEE FUSSING OVER MONITOR.]
I got to check on my baby, but, um what the heck, come on in.
I'll grab us some mixers.
Uh, is there a body in there? Oh, it's for a job.
I'll tell you all about it.
- Okay.
- [CODY.]
I get it.
She's having a tough go of things, but she's [SIGHS.]
she's perfect for the job.
I mean, the downline practically worships her, you know? And I'm sure the widow thing doesn't hurt.
No.
Not at all, Pat, not at all.
They'd go to the ends of the earth for her if she asked them to.
- She ain't asking, huh? - No.
She and Travis were barely Bronze Jeffersons, so The bonuses just aren't enough to keep her in the game.
[SIGHS.]
Okay, so I'm glad you beeped me, because you're right, Mr.
Bridges does have something - to say on the matter.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, a great navigator knows when to change course.
Hit us again, barkeep, will you? [BELL DINGS.]
Most girls don't think about light.
They figure, "That's for the stage manager to worry about.
I'll just do my thing.
" They're dummies.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- That's the first, biggest thing you need to learn: your job isn't to perform a talent.
It's to dazzle, by any means necessary.
So if you want better lighting than the other girls, give yourself better lighting than the other girls.
Any questions, Buzz? Did, uh did Travis hunt? Nope.
Have a seat.
[SLURPING.]
Okay.
So let me ask you a question: how's your business doing? [CHUCKLES.]
Only problem is I might be making too much money.
Cheers to that, brother! I'm putting mine in stocks and bonds.
[CHUCKLING.]
Oh, life is good.
It's good to be a successful businessman, so take advantage.
Give her an upline bonus.
An upline bonus.
It's the same as a FAM bonus, only it comes directly from the upline.
It's not part of the Garbeau System? It's your downline, Pat.
They're independent.
They're not your employee.
I mean, their money comes from their business, all right, not yours.
Is that what Garbeau says? Because Bridges would tell you to use the value of your business to show this widow her value.
No wonder you're making a change.
[LAUGHING.]
Oh, I am not making a change, Pat.
This is Garbeau country, and I'm a Garbeau man.
I played you like a bassoon.
[SLURPING.]
[STAMMERS.]
But you said that It's just business, Pat.
Just business.
[CHUCKLES.]
You're a sharp guy, Bonar.
If you won't admit it to me, admit it to yourself, Obie Garbeau let you down.
Obie Garbeau II.
Excuse me.
If, uh, you wind up keeping this widow, address your thank-you card to Buck Bridges I.
[SLURPING.]
[CUP CLATTERS.]
[CLEARS THROAT.]
I'm sorry! I'm sorry! [BOTH GRUNTING.]
[HEART'S "STRAIGHT ON" PLAYING.]
Quite some time I've been sitting it out Didn't take no chances I was a prisoner of doubt I knocked down the wailing wall Ain't no sin Got the feel of fortune Deal me in Coming straight on for you You made my mind Now I'm stronger, now I'm coming through Straight on Straight on for you Straight on for you Ooh Ooh Ooh, yeah, for you [MUSIC STOPS.]
[EXHALES.]
Okay.
The puppets do most of the work, and the dance is simple enough.
It's a confidence thing.
What'd you think? [CHUCKLES QUIETLY.]
We got to get you talking, girl.
You haven't lost a step.
Yeah, well Miss Teen Zuber's in six months.
I can do three times a week, 90 minutes, 50 bucks a session.
That's competitive with the market.
If she's not Miss Teen Zuber come July, I will refund you half.
Oh, and my only request is that you pay up front.
My money's tied up, and I need cash.
It's 4,000.
Now, Krystal, I know when I'm being taken for a ride.
It's competitive with the market.
Well, not the market I've been shopping in.
Connie was gonna do it for 20 a session, and not up front, get paid as you go.
Well, Buzz, this is a special skill.
I could do 3,500 two grand now and the rest weekly.
I want to help you, but I'm not here as a charity.
Dad.
Okay, the offer is 20 a session.
2,000 total, and I need it up front.
I can't budge on that.
Okay.
Can't do 20 a session? How about 15? Um Buzz, please, I need the cash.
I'm, like, one bad day from losing my house.
This is what I mean when I talk about haggling, Becca.
That's called "surrendering your leverage.
" "Leverage"? Is that what you called it when you were trading tiaras for tug jobs? Ew! Becca, go wait in the car.
Why don't you go wait in the car, too, Buzz? I have been nothing but nice to you.
Hey, you don't fucking touch me.
Goodness gracious, woman.
I don't need to touch you.
I want my ATV back, too.
- Yeah, no shit! - [SCREWDRIVER CLATTERS.]
[DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES.]
[EXHALES.]
[SLOW, SOMBER MUSIC.]
[DESTINEE CRYING OVER MONITOR.]
[SIGHS.]
[SIGHS.]
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
What the hell are you doing?! Ta-da! - What happened to your face? - K Krystal you are steward to one of the greatest downline distribution businesses I have ever seen in my life.
Your downline looks up to you, and you have you have what it takes to be a millionaire.
I know you do.
Now, this is not usually done in the Garbeau System, but I am here with a special upline advance.
I know you're hard up at the moment, and this should show you just how valuable you are to your Founders family, my business, and me, your upline.
- This is your money? - Yes.
Yes, this is my money.
I have so much faith in what you can do in FAM, Krystal.
Soon, you'll be able to write checks this big, no problem.
- Make it twice as big.
- [LAUGHS.]
No, these are the biggest they had.
Oh, well, I mean, this I did the math, and this is the right amount for maintaining your downline, so Give me double, and I'll grow it.
You'd recruit? I can recruit.
Wow! [LAUGHING.]
Great.
Great.
[DOOR OPENS.]
I'd tell him, "Travis, you're hunky, but you're not that hunky.
- Flush the dang commode.
" - [LAUGHTER.]
Golly.
I tell you what, it feels so good - to hear you talk about him.
- Thank you.
Yeah, I mean, Travis is gone.
And you're right, it helps to say it out loud.
But his dreams aren't.
[DESTINEE FUSSING.]
He was building something great.
That Founders business? I always thought it was a fantasy, but now, without it, I'd be a goner.
Well, Travis always was a bit of a dreamer.
But you were always the strong one, and he really needed you.
Yeah, well, I'm tired of needing to be strong.
- [ERNIE.]
Hmm.
- I want to be happy.
And that's what Travis wanted, too.
What would y'all ask for if you could have anything? - [ERNIE.]
Hmm.
- Ernie? Let's see, uh Everybody that was sick would Ugh, boo! - What? - I'm talking stuff, Ernie.
- Live a little.
- [LAUGHTER.]
I want a keytar.
- What? - [BETS.]
You do? I didn't know that.
I guess I always wanted a peacock.
[CHUCKLES.]
Ernie? Well, let me think.
Uh I guess I want a keytar and a peacock for my darlings.
- Oh, gosh, you're bad at this.
- [OTHERS CHUCKLING.]
I want a new wardrobe.
I'm tired of the same three outfits.
- I want a Game Boy.
- [BETS.]
A Game Boy? Well, if you're getting a Game Boy, then I say I want something different, like, um, like maybe you and me take some dance lessons or something fun like that.
- [ERNIE.]
Ooh.
- Together.
Wouldn't that be great? [KRYSTAL.]
Ernie? You know, I have everything a man could need to be happy.
Mm, so sweet it makes my teeth hurt.
- [BETS CHUCKLES.]
- You stop it.
I want a makeover.
- [ERNIE.]
Hmm.
- [BETS.]
Oh, you deserve one.
You do.
Yeah, well.
[CHUCKLES.]
Ernie, you still got that Garbeau System tape Travis gave you? I think I have it in my car.
- I haven't listened to it yet.
- Oh, that's fine.
I was wondering if I could have it back.
I've been listening to them, and it's really been helping me deal with all this stuff.
Oh, good.
Yeah, I can get it to you.
You know, hold on to it.
I'll grab it from you at work.
Okay.
[EMMYLOU HARRIS' "TILL I GAIN CONTROL AGAIN".]
Just like the sun - Over the mountaintops - [DESTINEE FUSSING.]
You know I'll always Come again All yours, Neenee.
You know I love to spend My morning Times Like sunlight dancing On your skin - [COOS.]
- [KRYSTAL GASPS.]
Let's get Mommy paid.
- I've never gone so wrong - Come on.
As telling lies To you What you've seen - Is what I've been - [LINE RINGING.]
[CODY ON MACHINE.]
You've got Bonar.
[BEEP.]
You know that advance we talked about? I'll have Ernie signed up in a week, but I need that money.
Now.
Good night, boss.
Hey, Dad.
Yes, sir? I don't need a Game Boy.
[GENTLE, MYSTERIOUS MUSIC.]
More gloomy-zoomies? [QUIETLY.]
Okay.
Just rinse off after.
I love you.
Love you, too.
[PHONE LINE RINGING.]
Yeah, give me the game warden.
Thanks, Gayle.
Pete Heckley.
[CHUCKLES.]
How you doing? Hey, listen, uh, I got a question for you.
Hey, what's the, uh, fine for gator poaching? Really? Ten thou? Uh, is that per gator? My, my, my, that's steep.
Well, uh, I got a tip for you.
Well, there's a woman who's got some gators [OBIE.]
There is no business like FAM distribution.
None on Earth.
You can spend money on fancy schools, but it's not gonna make your kids any smarter unless you teach them the value of a true education.
A Founders education.
You can leech off of somebody else's work.
In the end [ON TAPE.]
you'll just be jealous of an independent entrepreneur.
Independence is freedom.
That is why you are here.
You're sick and tired ["EVERYTHING'S ALRIGHT" BY YVONNE ELLIMAN PLAYING.]
Try not to get worried, try not to turn on to Problems that upset you, oh Don't you know Everything's all right, yes Everything's fine And we want you to sleep well tonight Let the world turn without you tonight If we try, we'll get by So forget all about us - Tonight - Everything's all right Yes, everything's all right, yes Sleep and I shall soothe you - Calm you and anoint you - [EXHALES SHARPLY.]
Myrrh for your hot forehead Then you'll feel everything's all right, yes Everything's fine And it's cool and the ointment's sweet For the fire in your head and feet Close your eyes, close your eyes And relax, think of nothing tonight Everything's all right, yes Everything's all right Hey, woman, your fine ointment Brand-new and expensive Should have been saved for the poor Why has it been wasted? We could have raised maybe 300 silver pieces or more People who are hungry, people who are starving They matter more than your Feet and Hair Try not to get worried, try not to turn on to Problems that upset you - Don't you know - [WHIMPERING.]
Everything's all right, yes, everything's all right, yes - Surely you're not saying we have the resources - [GROANS.]
To save the poor from their lot There will be poor always Pathetically struggling Look at the good things you've got [SIGHS.]
Think while you still have me Move while you still see me You'll be lost And you'll be sorry When I'm gone - Sleep and I shall soothe you - [YELLS.]
[DISTANT.]
Calm you and anoint you Myrrh for your hot [LOUDER.]
Forehead Then you'll feel everything's all right, yes - Everything's fine - [SOBBING.]
And it's cool and the ointment's sweet - [SHOUTING.]
- For the fire in your head And feet Close your eyes, close your eyes and relax Think of nothing tonight Close your eyes, close your eyes and relax - Everything's all right, yes - Close your eyes - Close your eyes and relax - Everything's all right, yes Close your eyes, close your eyes and relax Close your eyes, close your eyes and relax Close your eyes, close your eyes - [KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
- And relax Close your eyes, close your eyes [KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
Krystal, trust the Garbeau System.
[CODY.]
The most beautiful thing about your business is that you share it, together.
[TRAVIS.]
Cody gets it, honey.
If you leave CAI, I will leave you.
Whoa! [CODY.]
Travis! [SCREAMING.]
[KRYSTAL.]
No, what I'm saying is that my husband was on the job when it happened.
[WOMAN.]
Ma'am, your husband was not an employee of Founders American Merchandise.
He was an independent business owner.
We need to be strong for Krystal, you know.
I can do that.
[KRYSTAL.]
I have a child.
I need health insurance.
I need the mortgage paid on time.
I need you to make this right.
- [SIGHS.]
- I have nothing.
[OBIE.]
I understand that you are emotional, but my system did not kill your husband.
[GUNSHOTS.]
An alligator did.
[SCREAMING.]
[COOING.]
["ANGEL OF THE MORNING" BY JUICE NEWTON.]
[DRIPPING.]
There'll be no strings to bind your hands Not if my love can bind your heart [PANTING.]
There's no need to take a stand For it was I Who chose to start [GRUNTS.]
I see no need - To take me home - [GRUNTS.]
[EXHALES.]
[QUIETLY.]
Crap.
the dawn Just call me angel of the morning Angel Just touch my cheek before you leave me, baby [CODY.]
Let me just interrupt you for one second, Brenden.
To be honest, I didn't peg you for a wham-and-scram guy.
You know? I mean, leaving a business just as it's about to take off, it's it it's dumb, Brenden.
It's super dumb.
I'm I No.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, no.
I'm not calling you dumb.
I'm just saying that you do dumb - [CLICK, DIAL TONE.]
- Hello? Brenden? Hello? [PHONE BEEPING.]
- [EXHALES.]
- [BEEP.]
[GRUNTING.]
[PANTING.]
[INTRIGUING, ATMOSPHERIC MUSIC.]
[OBIE.]
I know that J-O-B is a prison.
It's a prison of your own election, but it's still a prison.
After I dropped out of school, as it happens, I was a guard for the Zephyrhills Road Prison.
I think about those long August days at the prison.
I was overseeing the road crew with my billy club, making sure those animals kept their heads down and their tools swinging.
It was brutal work.
I was on my feet all day, walking the line, sweating.
[ON TAPE.]
"But, Mr.
Garbeau, didn't you learn a lot about hard work?" [CHUCKLES.]
Yeah, sure.
I learned how to grind myself into dust.
I learned how to kiss butts.
I learned how to be a sucker.
[SQUEAKING.]
[EXHALES.]
Goddamn it.
[DESTINEE COOING OVER MONITOR.]
[SIGHS.]
[CODY.]
Hiya.
Brought you something.
[SIGHS.]
Oh, God.
[EXHALES.]
What, uh What's shakin'? What do you want? I want to talk about Travis's business, in light of the tragedy.
Are those ? As you know, Travis was a legendary recruiter, in terms of his [CHUCKLES.]
his attitude and his his commitment and Those will be big shoes to fill, Krystal.
Well, the business belonged to the both of you, so it's, uh it's yours now.
And I I understand that you've had - some challenges - What do you want, Cody? Travis's downline.
Why is it that I've been buying Happy Meals with pennies, but [SCOFFS.]
you always seem to be doing just fine? That's just how the Garbeau System works.
It takes commitment How many nights a week do you spend recruiting, Cody? [QUIETLY.]
Um Leave the cookie.
[UP-TEMPO, DRAMATIC MUSIC.]
[ALARM BEEPING.]
[ALARM STOPS.]
[GROANS.]
Good morning, dumpling.
[BETS.]
Morning.
[YAWNS.]
[BETS INHALES.]
What you doing? [INHALES.]
You know what? - Huh? - [SNIFFS.]
[LAUGHING.]
What are you doing? Your armpits smell different from each other.
- What? - Yeah.
Larry smells all musty, but Ralph doesn't smell like anything at all.
What? [BETS SNIFFS, GIGGLES.]
Huh.
Ain't that something.
- Hey, Ernie? - Hmm? What, pickle? Are we going to talk about why you came home after midnight smelling like chlorine? I'm sorry.
You know, it just it just helps.
I know, soggy britches.
I'm just worried about you is all.
Well, you and my pillowcases.
[CHUCKLES.]
[QUIET, OMINOUS MUSIC.]
[STAN.]
The happiest place on Earth.
The happiest place on Earth.
[SCOFFS.]
Where does that leave Rebel Rapids, huh? I don't know, Stan.
Not why I'm here.
[MUTTERING.]
Shit.
[SIGHS.]
I need cash.
Can't.
Jesus, Stan.
Oh, you think you're the only one with problems? We're at war here, Miss Stubbs.
And the mouse has got the money.
Now's not the time for frivolous spending.
Frivolous? I had to walk here because my car's at the bottom of a swamp.
I need a raise, an advance, something.
You didn't walk here today.
Yeah, I saw you.
Ernie gave you a ride.
An alligator ate my husband.
Look, you're asking for a precedent that I can't afford to set.
But [CLEARS THROAT.]
Water-obics needs a new instructor.
Yeah, Brenda's got another UTI.
The woman simply won't change out of her swimsuit.
It's pathological.
Well, do I get a raise if I do Water-obics? All right, it pays ten dollars a week.
And I've been offering Brenda two dollars a head to goose attendance.
Wait, what? I've seen that class.
That's, like, 16 bucks a week, tops.
Think of it as 64 a month.
Ugh, God.
Eat my shorts, Stan.
[MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER RADIO.]
[CODY.]
You are a powerful individual.
You clearly have exceptional social skills, and I think you can market those.
I only offer this opportunity to folks I know have what it takes to succeed in the world of business.
Sir, if you are not with this party, you need to leave.
You already blew your chance, Helena.
Don't blow theirs, please.
It's okay.
We were just leaving.
- [HELENA.]
No.
- No, no, no, no, no.
You're you're making a mistake.
This [DOOR CLOSES.]
[SIGHS.]
I see you also like business.
You got to do whatever you can to stay ahead in this economy.
Oh, no kidding.
Tough on working folks.
You seem like the type of guy who stays on top of things.
- Informed.
- Well you got to be in my industry.
And you also have to be perceptive, which you clearly are.
I hear you.
Your boss must be very happy with your work.
Oh.
[CHUCKLES.]
Happier than you can imagine.
Because I am my own boss.
- "Cody Boner, Boner Enterprises.
" - It's Bonar.
- Good to meet you.
- Pat Stanley.
- Your own business, huh? - Yes.
Taxes must be killer.
Well, actually, in my industry, - everything is a tax write-off.
- Same here.
Would you believe that a bona fide billionaire is my mentor? [SCOFFS.]
A fellow Founders man.
[LAUGHS.]
Though I walk a different path.
Oh.
Oh.
- Buck Bridges.
- Yep.
Are you from California? Just passing through.
Business.
Well, while you're in Florida, you should be representing Founders Southeast.
Obie Garbeau II revolutionized distribution in Florida, and actually actually, I would be happy to incorporate you into my downline.
Sir, you won't find a better mentor for the Garbeau System.
In only three years, I've - Uh, believe me, Mr.
Boner - Bonar.
Apologies.
Um, I want to be clear.
I'm not looking for a new system.
Well - the thing is, Pete, that - Pat.
Pat.
The Garbeau System is about community.
And you can't build a community when out-of-towners show up and muddy the waters.
Garbeau can't handle a little mud? [CHUCKLES.]
Tread lightly, friend.
Wait a minute.
Were you trying to recruit those people? Seemed pretty comfortable taking no for an answer, Boner.
But if you ever want to elevate your game beep me.
I was just going to offer you those beans.
Missed me.
[SIGHS.]
[MAN.]
Zuber's Tubers is the potato specialty store [LAUGHING LIGHTLY.]
- Hi.
- Hi.
[BUZZ.]
So, what kind of game you after? Hog? Well, you can get five or six hogs on the back of this guy, easy.
Been thinking about going bigger, but the permit fees are out of control.
I did a mission trip to Belize with Pete Heckley over at Fish and Game.
I can get you a permit.
Y'all hear about that gator attack last week? I went to high school with that fella.
Yeah, Travis Stubbs.
Took the Tornadoes all the way in '75.
Heard that gator chomped him in half like a gingerbread man.
Married a real piece of ass, though.
- Oh, yeah.
I'd chomp her in half.
- Hey, bite your tongue.
That's a Miss Zuber you're talking about.
Okay, okay.
Miss 1982.
Best talent the pageant ever saw.
That poor thing.
Brittni, look at me.
When life hits one of my girls, damn it, I hit back.
Customer.
Oh.
Welcome to Buzz's Motorsports.
[KRYSTAL.]
Really nice scent.
It's lavender with just a hint of rose hip.
Give you three bucks for this.
That jersey belonged to a state champ.
- Give me a real offer.
- [GROANS.]
But who would need this much lotion? Oh.
Try some.
You'll get hooked.
- Ten bucks.
- Actually, that's not for sale.
But [SCOFFS.]
Ernie, what are you doing here? Just shopping.
[CHUCKLES.]
Hey, Carol.
Hey! Hey, excuse me.
Hi, sugar.
Is this your house? Yeah.
And that's my pool you're draining.
Oh, okay, great.
So, uh, can I talk to a Travis Stubbs? Hey, what are these? Candlesticks.
What do they look like? I'll give you both for 200.
Final offer.
And, no, Travis was eaten by a gator.
Oh, my Lord, well, I'm so sorry to hear that.
Well, I'm from Sunshine Repo, and, um, your husband rest his soul he has a few things that technically belong to the bank, like that pool.
Oh, for shit sakes.
Well, if they need money, I need to sell this stuff.
And I can't sell this stuff - if you're taking all my shit away.
- Honey, honey, say no more.
I don't care if it's not for sale! Everything has its price.
$800 for that fine swimming pool.
[WHISPERS.]
Okay, say "sold.
" Sold! [WHISPERING.]
I'm I'm gonna need in your house.
[WHISPERING.]
Do you have to do this right now? Yeah.
I'm so sorry, hon.
[SNIFFLES.]
[SIGHS.]
It's, uh, not name brand, but it's the same stuff.
- Okay.
- [RHONDA.]
Oh! Hard to believe all these great deals we're getting, eh, Marvin? - Hey.
- Hey.
Ernie, that's all Travis's stuff.
How much for all of it? Um 50? Would you take a hundred? What? All right.
- Here you go.
- Ernie you don't have to do that.
[LAUGHS.]
You drive a hard bargain, lady.
[TIRES SCREECHING, HORN HONKING.]
Nope.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Krystal, these things, they belong to your downline.
- They're not to sell.
- Hey.
Okay, listen, I need you to put all the Founders merchandise back in your garage.
What you're doing is theft.
Did Carol tattle on me? Doesn't matter.
We get the FAM things off the lawn pronto.
Hey.
They were in my house, they're taking up my space, I'm selling 'em.
[WHISPERS.]
Yes, well, they're already sold.
Huh? To your downline.
Listen, I don't mean to be Mr.
Discipline here, - but Travis's business follows a system.
- Mm-hmm.
That system can still make you rich, but you have to follow it.
Right? You know this.
You've done this for two years.
Yeah.
And the rules always change, so how about this system? I give people things, they pay me.
You are the pope of nope today.
Look at the big picture.
The volume of product that Travis's that your downline buys determines your FP, which determines your bonus tier.
Travis was on the verge of jumping a tier, giving him colossal bonus checks.
Now, your downline is gonna be here Thursday, and if you've sold their product, I mean, Krystal Um, okay.
Sorry.
Ma'am? - Excuse me, ma'am.
Sorry.
- What? We got to have a little talk about the railroad tracks.
See, I'm supposed to take you to the orthodontist to get them removed.
Otherwise, you can't get 'em cleaned, and, well, - we both know that ain't pretty.
- [CRYING.]
Honey, I'm so sorry.
Do you need someone to talk to? If I get these things off, it's on my terms.
Okay.
Okay.
How much do I owe? [GASPS.]
[SIGHS.]
Oh, fuck.
Cody! Listen, if I give you 600 for what you owe on the braces, will you put the FAM goods back in your garage and distribute by the system? One more time.
That's it.
[SIGHS.]
[PHONE RINGING.]
[PAN SIZZLING.]
[KRYSTAL.]
Stubbs residence.
Leave one after the beep.
[MACHINE BEEPS.]
[BUZZ.]
Krystal? Uh, it's Buzz.
I heard about what happened to your husband, and I haven't been able to stop thinking Well, listen, on behalf of all of us at the Miss Zuber pageant, if there's anything we can do to help, I mean, we'd do anything for you.
Buzz? [ENGINE WHIRRING.]
[UP-TEMPO, OPTIMISTIC MUSIC.]
[GRUNTS.]
How long till Destinee digs up Mr.
Travis's time capsule? You know, I guess that'll be up to Miss Krystal.
It makes me sad.
Well, it's a good thing we're here.
'Cause it's hard to be sad when you're doing something good for somebody else.
I've been workin' on the railroad All the live-long day [BOTH.]
I've been workin' on the railroad Just to pass the time away [LAUGHS.]
[KRYSTAL.]
This is to get my water turned back on.
[SANDRA.]
Okay.
Uh, just give me a moment while I pull up your account.
Oh, there you are, Mrs.
Stubbs.
And utilities Oh.
What's wrong? Um, well, it looks like one of your mortgages is past due.
- Wait, what? "One of"? - Mm-hmm.
The second's been delinquent since November.
We sent foreclosure notices on November 7, 21, December 3.
You have a balance of $4,987 and 86 cents.
Would you like to pay that now? Uh how long do I have? Um, you have to clear the balance a week from Monday.
Otherwise, they're gonna put a lock on your house.
- And you know how difficult - I know how it works.
Thanks.
Mrs.
Stubbs, I am so sorry to be the bearer of bad news.
- But if No.
- Happy birthday to you - Happy birthday to you - No! [LAUGHS.]
It's my birthday.
- Happy birthday, dear Sandra - Oh, my God.
Happy birthday to you [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE.]
[SIGHS.]
[COOING.]
[BUZZ.]
Yeah, well, a boy his age ought to start getting comfortable with a motorbike.
But you really want to make sure any kid who rides wears a helmet.
It's a hell of a lot of motor for - [WHOOPS.]
- [TIRES SCREECH.]
Good gravy.
I never sat on so much power.
It's like riding a charging buffalo.
Have you ever tried one of these? Oh.
I'm here for my son.
Well, you should try being here for you.
Miss Zuber is forever, Krystal.
I won't leave you hurting here, but you're not right for sales.
I just sold that lady an ATV, and I don't even work here.
I ought to be asking for commission.
It's not just about closing.
It's the haggle.
The money's in the margins.
I don't just hire salesmen who close.
I hire salesmen who close right.
Well, what the hell does that mean? Let me run something else by you, Krystal.
My daughter Becca, she's prepping for Miss Teen Zuber.
Now, I have to recuse myself as a judge, of course.
She's gonna need a proper coach.
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Connie Prumpton offered to do it.
Well, Connie won Miss Zuber '84 'cause of her cans.
Can't coach Becca to have big cans.
You still got a way with words.
Anyway, Becca, she's beautiful, but she's a little spooky.
She's gonna need to lean on her talent.
You know I owned that talent portion.
Forever and always.
Are you still able to do your, um [SIGHS.]
I don't remember what you called it.
The, uh dance with the things? Never called it anything in particular.
I'll show her myself.
[ERNIE GRUNTING.]
[BETS.]
Well, how's it going out there, Harold? [GRUNTS QUIETLY.]
Was Travis Dad's best friend? No, honey.
Why is Dad doing this? Well, doing something nice for your neighbors makes your dad feel good.
Well, why does Dad feel bad? See, right now Miss Krystal doesn't have the time to feel sad, so your dad is being sad for her.
But he's like this a lot.
[SIGHS.]
Hey, Miss Destinee, are you ready for your mama to come get you? It's you and me.
My sympathies, Krystal.
[GASPS.]
Glenna! Oh, my God, deviled eggs.
Oh, you're so sweet.
Here, your order's right here.
Do you need help? Uh, you can help Glenna with her stuff.
Oh, Glenna's fine.
[CAROL.]
Oh, Krystal, I'm just checking.
Have you been pressing hard enough for the triplicates? - Yes, Carol.
- Hmm.
- Bitch.
- [CODY.]
Don't.
Carol is your and my upline.
I agreed to distribute to Travis's downline, - not kiss Carol's ass.
- It wasn't my idea to bring her here, okay? The Wilkeses think you're considering leaving FAM.
[SCOFFS.]
I'm not considering anything.
All right, let's go over your order quick.
[DESTINEE FUSSING.]
Facial tissues, - bandages, large - Hello [KRYSTAL.]
Powder compact, shampoo.
Cody, you can't afford any more pop-n-drops.
Now, if you're facing challenges keeping Krystal engaged, tell me.
I'm here to help.
Oh, she's just in a bad mood, Carol.
You know, it's probably that time of the month.
I beg your pardon? No, I just meant, I meant, um, medically.
[SIGHS.]
Obie did an entire seminar on wavering downline.
I have the tape.
I think you need it.
Oh, I know every single word Obie's ever written or said, I [KRYSTAL.]
I'm done.
Find someone else to do this crap.
[CHUCKLES.]
Fix it.
Yes.
[LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC.]
[KRSYTAL HUMMING.]
[EXHALES.]
[POUNDING ON DOOR.]
[RHONDA.]
Knock, knock! - Yeah? - It's Rhonda! The the repo lady.
Oh.
Come in.
- Door's broken.
- Okay.
I I don't know what's left for you to take.
Oh, no, I'm not here on business.
Look, I I was just thinking about how much fun I had pretending to buy stuff.
I don't repo cases of $100 Scotch often.
My way of offering sympathies.
It's not a good time.
Hey! Don't touch that.
Look, I don't meet a lot of folk during good times.
I do meet folk when they need a shoulder to cry on.
Yeah.
Well, I'll tell you, worst thing about him dying is that now I can't divorce him, so that's where I am in terms of needing - shoulders and such.
- Mm.
[DESTINEE FUSSING OVER MONITOR.]
I got to check on my baby, but, um what the heck, come on in.
I'll grab us some mixers.
Uh, is there a body in there? Oh, it's for a job.
I'll tell you all about it.
- Okay.
- [CODY.]
I get it.
She's having a tough go of things, but she's [SIGHS.]
she's perfect for the job.
I mean, the downline practically worships her, you know? And I'm sure the widow thing doesn't hurt.
No.
Not at all, Pat, not at all.
They'd go to the ends of the earth for her if she asked them to.
- She ain't asking, huh? - No.
She and Travis were barely Bronze Jeffersons, so The bonuses just aren't enough to keep her in the game.
[SIGHS.]
Okay, so I'm glad you beeped me, because you're right, Mr.
Bridges does have something - to say on the matter.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, a great navigator knows when to change course.
Hit us again, barkeep, will you? [BELL DINGS.]
Most girls don't think about light.
They figure, "That's for the stage manager to worry about.
I'll just do my thing.
" They're dummies.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- That's the first, biggest thing you need to learn: your job isn't to perform a talent.
It's to dazzle, by any means necessary.
So if you want better lighting than the other girls, give yourself better lighting than the other girls.
Any questions, Buzz? Did, uh did Travis hunt? Nope.
Have a seat.
[SLURPING.]
Okay.
So let me ask you a question: how's your business doing? [CHUCKLES.]
Only problem is I might be making too much money.
Cheers to that, brother! I'm putting mine in stocks and bonds.
[CHUCKLING.]
Oh, life is good.
It's good to be a successful businessman, so take advantage.
Give her an upline bonus.
An upline bonus.
It's the same as a FAM bonus, only it comes directly from the upline.
It's not part of the Garbeau System? It's your downline, Pat.
They're independent.
They're not your employee.
I mean, their money comes from their business, all right, not yours.
Is that what Garbeau says? Because Bridges would tell you to use the value of your business to show this widow her value.
No wonder you're making a change.
[LAUGHING.]
Oh, I am not making a change, Pat.
This is Garbeau country, and I'm a Garbeau man.
I played you like a bassoon.
[SLURPING.]
[STAMMERS.]
But you said that It's just business, Pat.
Just business.
[CHUCKLES.]
You're a sharp guy, Bonar.
If you won't admit it to me, admit it to yourself, Obie Garbeau let you down.
Obie Garbeau II.
Excuse me.
If, uh, you wind up keeping this widow, address your thank-you card to Buck Bridges I.
[SLURPING.]
[CUP CLATTERS.]
[CLEARS THROAT.]
I'm sorry! I'm sorry! [BOTH GRUNTING.]
[HEART'S "STRAIGHT ON" PLAYING.]
Quite some time I've been sitting it out Didn't take no chances I was a prisoner of doubt I knocked down the wailing wall Ain't no sin Got the feel of fortune Deal me in Coming straight on for you You made my mind Now I'm stronger, now I'm coming through Straight on Straight on for you Straight on for you Ooh Ooh Ooh, yeah, for you [MUSIC STOPS.]
[EXHALES.]
Okay.
The puppets do most of the work, and the dance is simple enough.
It's a confidence thing.
What'd you think? [CHUCKLES QUIETLY.]
We got to get you talking, girl.
You haven't lost a step.
Yeah, well Miss Teen Zuber's in six months.
I can do three times a week, 90 minutes, 50 bucks a session.
That's competitive with the market.
If she's not Miss Teen Zuber come July, I will refund you half.
Oh, and my only request is that you pay up front.
My money's tied up, and I need cash.
It's 4,000.
Now, Krystal, I know when I'm being taken for a ride.
It's competitive with the market.
Well, not the market I've been shopping in.
Connie was gonna do it for 20 a session, and not up front, get paid as you go.
Well, Buzz, this is a special skill.
I could do 3,500 two grand now and the rest weekly.
I want to help you, but I'm not here as a charity.
Dad.
Okay, the offer is 20 a session.
2,000 total, and I need it up front.
I can't budge on that.
Okay.
Can't do 20 a session? How about 15? Um Buzz, please, I need the cash.
I'm, like, one bad day from losing my house.
This is what I mean when I talk about haggling, Becca.
That's called "surrendering your leverage.
" "Leverage"? Is that what you called it when you were trading tiaras for tug jobs? Ew! Becca, go wait in the car.
Why don't you go wait in the car, too, Buzz? I have been nothing but nice to you.
Hey, you don't fucking touch me.
Goodness gracious, woman.
I don't need to touch you.
I want my ATV back, too.
- Yeah, no shit! - [SCREWDRIVER CLATTERS.]
[DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES.]
[EXHALES.]
[SLOW, SOMBER MUSIC.]
[DESTINEE CRYING OVER MONITOR.]
[SIGHS.]
[SIGHS.]
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
What the hell are you doing?! Ta-da! - What happened to your face? - K Krystal you are steward to one of the greatest downline distribution businesses I have ever seen in my life.
Your downline looks up to you, and you have you have what it takes to be a millionaire.
I know you do.
Now, this is not usually done in the Garbeau System, but I am here with a special upline advance.
I know you're hard up at the moment, and this should show you just how valuable you are to your Founders family, my business, and me, your upline.
- This is your money? - Yes.
Yes, this is my money.
I have so much faith in what you can do in FAM, Krystal.
Soon, you'll be able to write checks this big, no problem.
- Make it twice as big.
- [LAUGHS.]
No, these are the biggest they had.
Oh, well, I mean, this I did the math, and this is the right amount for maintaining your downline, so Give me double, and I'll grow it.
You'd recruit? I can recruit.
Wow! [LAUGHING.]
Great.
Great.
[DOOR OPENS.]
I'd tell him, "Travis, you're hunky, but you're not that hunky.
- Flush the dang commode.
" - [LAUGHTER.]
Golly.
I tell you what, it feels so good - to hear you talk about him.
- Thank you.
Yeah, I mean, Travis is gone.
And you're right, it helps to say it out loud.
But his dreams aren't.
[DESTINEE FUSSING.]
He was building something great.
That Founders business? I always thought it was a fantasy, but now, without it, I'd be a goner.
Well, Travis always was a bit of a dreamer.
But you were always the strong one, and he really needed you.
Yeah, well, I'm tired of needing to be strong.
- [ERNIE.]
Hmm.
- I want to be happy.
And that's what Travis wanted, too.
What would y'all ask for if you could have anything? - [ERNIE.]
Hmm.
- Ernie? Let's see, uh Everybody that was sick would Ugh, boo! - What? - I'm talking stuff, Ernie.
- Live a little.
- [LAUGHTER.]
I want a keytar.
- What? - [BETS.]
You do? I didn't know that.
I guess I always wanted a peacock.
[CHUCKLES.]
Ernie? Well, let me think.
Uh I guess I want a keytar and a peacock for my darlings.
- Oh, gosh, you're bad at this.
- [OTHERS CHUCKLING.]
I want a new wardrobe.
I'm tired of the same three outfits.
- I want a Game Boy.
- [BETS.]
A Game Boy? Well, if you're getting a Game Boy, then I say I want something different, like, um, like maybe you and me take some dance lessons or something fun like that.
- [ERNIE.]
Ooh.
- Together.
Wouldn't that be great? [KRYSTAL.]
Ernie? You know, I have everything a man could need to be happy.
Mm, so sweet it makes my teeth hurt.
- [BETS CHUCKLES.]
- You stop it.
I want a makeover.
- [ERNIE.]
Hmm.
- [BETS.]
Oh, you deserve one.
You do.
Yeah, well.
[CHUCKLES.]
Ernie, you still got that Garbeau System tape Travis gave you? I think I have it in my car.
- I haven't listened to it yet.
- Oh, that's fine.
I was wondering if I could have it back.
I've been listening to them, and it's really been helping me deal with all this stuff.
Oh, good.
Yeah, I can get it to you.
You know, hold on to it.
I'll grab it from you at work.
Okay.
[EMMYLOU HARRIS' "TILL I GAIN CONTROL AGAIN".]
Just like the sun - Over the mountaintops - [DESTINEE FUSSING.]
You know I'll always Come again All yours, Neenee.
You know I love to spend My morning Times Like sunlight dancing On your skin - [COOS.]
- [KRYSTAL GASPS.]
Let's get Mommy paid.
- I've never gone so wrong - Come on.
As telling lies To you What you've seen - Is what I've been - [LINE RINGING.]
[CODY ON MACHINE.]
You've got Bonar.
[BEEP.]
You know that advance we talked about? I'll have Ernie signed up in a week, but I need that money.
Now.
Good night, boss.
Hey, Dad.
Yes, sir? I don't need a Game Boy.
[GENTLE, MYSTERIOUS MUSIC.]
More gloomy-zoomies? [QUIETLY.]
Okay.
Just rinse off after.
I love you.
Love you, too.
[PHONE LINE RINGING.]
Yeah, give me the game warden.
Thanks, Gayle.
Pete Heckley.
[CHUCKLES.]
How you doing? Hey, listen, uh, I got a question for you.
Hey, what's the, uh, fine for gator poaching? Really? Ten thou? Uh, is that per gator? My, my, my, that's steep.
Well, uh, I got a tip for you.
Well, there's a woman who's got some gators [OBIE.]
There is no business like FAM distribution.
None on Earth.
You can spend money on fancy schools, but it's not gonna make your kids any smarter unless you teach them the value of a true education.
A Founders education.
You can leech off of somebody else's work.
In the end [ON TAPE.]
you'll just be jealous of an independent entrepreneur.
Independence is freedom.
That is why you are here.
You're sick and tired ["EVERYTHING'S ALRIGHT" BY YVONNE ELLIMAN PLAYING.]
Try not to get worried, try not to turn on to Problems that upset you, oh Don't you know Everything's all right, yes Everything's fine And we want you to sleep well tonight Let the world turn without you tonight If we try, we'll get by So forget all about us - Tonight - Everything's all right Yes, everything's all right, yes Sleep and I shall soothe you - Calm you and anoint you - [EXHALES SHARPLY.]
Myrrh for your hot forehead Then you'll feel everything's all right, yes Everything's fine And it's cool and the ointment's sweet For the fire in your head and feet Close your eyes, close your eyes And relax, think of nothing tonight Everything's all right, yes Everything's all right Hey, woman, your fine ointment Brand-new and expensive Should have been saved for the poor Why has it been wasted? We could have raised maybe 300 silver pieces or more People who are hungry, people who are starving They matter more than your Feet and Hair Try not to get worried, try not to turn on to Problems that upset you - Don't you know - [WHIMPERING.]
Everything's all right, yes, everything's all right, yes - Surely you're not saying we have the resources - [GROANS.]
To save the poor from their lot There will be poor always Pathetically struggling Look at the good things you've got [SIGHS.]
Think while you still have me Move while you still see me You'll be lost And you'll be sorry When I'm gone - Sleep and I shall soothe you - [YELLS.]
[DISTANT.]
Calm you and anoint you Myrrh for your hot [LOUDER.]
Forehead Then you'll feel everything's all right, yes - Everything's fine - [SOBBING.]
And it's cool and the ointment's sweet - [SHOUTING.]
- For the fire in your head And feet Close your eyes, close your eyes and relax Think of nothing tonight Close your eyes, close your eyes and relax - Everything's all right, yes - Close your eyes - Close your eyes and relax - Everything's all right, yes Close your eyes, close your eyes and relax Close your eyes, close your eyes and relax Close your eyes, close your eyes - [KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
- And relax Close your eyes, close your eyes [KNOCKING ON DOOR.]