Only Murders in the Building (2021) s01e05 Episode Script
Twist
1
A great true crime mystery
unpeels itself like an onion.
What the fuck is "G.
M.
"? I am looking for a guy I saw going up the stairs in a tie-dyed hoodie the night Tim died.
- Enough with Tie-Dye Guy! - We cannot forget about Tie-Dye Guy! So, Dad, I listened to your podcast.
You didn't tell me you were doing it with Mabel Mora.
- Why? You know her? - She used to stay here.
She hung out with this group of kids, and one of them was Tim Kono.
You can't disappear for 10 years, then show up and start dragging up a bunch of shit from when we were kids! - I saw someone fighting with her.
- You saw Oscar? No.
Someone else.
You know what happened that night.
You didn't even say anything.
Just when it's all starting to feel the same, that's when you get hit by something you never saw coming.
Value.
Worth.
The price of life.
What's the easiest way to know how you fit into the equation? Come to New York.
Shit just plain costs more in the city.
Subway fare is $2.
75.
The inflation of Hot Cheetos? 99 cents in the Bronx, nearly four freaking dollars in Tribeca.
Those joints? Overpriced as fuck.
Not like that coat though.
That is priceless.
It's special.
Just like her.
I will take you down to the bone, motherfucker! Twist! Big, big twist! We have an unexpected turn of events, thanks to my son Will.
Mabel knew Tim Kono and lied about it, which probably means that Mabel killed Tim Kono.
And now, we're wondering was he the first or the latest in her wild spree? Yeah, because she totally fits the profile.
Female, late 20s, wears cool boots, reads the Hardy Boys.
When I see that on a resume, I'm thinking murderer No real job, few attachments, and lives alone! In an empty apartment that probably has a drain in the floor! Oh, that was some good back and forth.
Listeners love conflict.
- You're a simpleton.
- Damn it! I didn't get that.
Can you call me a simpleton again? - You're a simpleton! - Oh, thank you! Oh, my God.
Oscar? Damn, bella! I'm so sorry! You got out! I can't believe you're standing right here.
Yeah, right? Me, too.
Wait, so did you just get out? I went by your dad's, and he basically told me to fuck off.
Yeah, shit.
No, I got out last week.
You knew that I was waiting here, and you get out after 10 years and you don't call me? You just follow me down the street like some fuckin' creeper? Look, I had a whole plan.
Can we just go chill? Where you headed? - Jersey.
- Well then, I'm going to Jersey.
I'll drive you.
Oh! You don't have to drive, though.
Yes, I do have to.
I've been waiting a long time for this.
For this.
Me, too.
- Now, come on, you creeper.
- Ah Lester said he saw her head west.
Can you just calm down and think a minute? This is all a misunderstanding Haven't I been telling you there's something off with Mabel? She's got those crazy killer eyes, like Liza at 3:00 in the morning.
Please don't tell that story again.
She and Jessica Lange came to me after an evening at Studio 54, - and I had had a few cocktails.
- And I had had a few cocktails! Stop! Mabel is a sweet young woman who promised not to keep secrets from us.
I've been meaning to ask.
Is this your hat? - My hat! I thought I'd lost it - Oh my God, there she is! What? Oh! Tie-Dye Guy.
- It's Tie-Dye Guy! - Okay, w-w-we gotta follow them.
I'm gonna get my car.
You stay on them.
Alright, I'll wait - Wait! You have a car? - Go after them on foot, and then call me when you know where they are, and - then I'll swing by and pick you up! - Okay! I'll wai You pay for parking here?! - This is bad! They're getting away! - You on them? I'm on them, but I can't outrun a Camry! Stay on them! Oh God, I hope they don't see me.
Oh jeez - So, where we going? - It's in Teaneck, so GW Bridge.
Welcome to New York.
Thank you, ma'am! Oliver, I ca I can't hear you! Are you there? Yeah, I might cut out a little bit, but stay on! Oh! Oh, thank God.
They're stuck in traffic.
Where are you? I'll take one.
Wait, are you at that pretzel cart? I want one.
- Read out the toppings! - What? What toppings? There's mustard and salt.
Yeah, but you know, sometimes there's honey mustard.
Is it Dante? Tell him Oliver wants his usual! - Are you Dante? - Yep.
- Oliver wants his usual.
- Mm-hmm.
I'm coming around! - Are you still on 88th? - Yeah, uh, traffic's moving! Where are you? Turn around! Very inconspicuous! We blend in by standing out.
- What are you doing? - No, no, no.
You drive because I gotta record, and also my driver's license expired 25 years ago.
Keep your eyes on that Camry! What are you doing with this car? This is Aphrodite.
I got her in LA when I was filming Singin' In The Rain 2 for VH1.
Oh! Look, in the ashtray.
It's a jelly bean from 1963.
Maybe it's a Mexican diet pill.
Oh, no.
It's a fen-phen! Mm! Mm.
Know what? I don't need this.
Left! They're turning left.
So if you've been out for a week, what have you been doing? I had some decent food.
Got a haircut.
Went to the bathroom without somebody looking at me.
That was fun.
Did you hear about Tim? Yeah.
My first night out, he offs himself? My first time stepping back in that building? Wait, you were there that Oh my God, you're Tie-Dye Guy! Yeah! I'm trying to be.
Figured I'd get some new drip when I got out.
I think she's in trouble.
That's the guy I saw going up the stairs that night.
I know! Tie-Dye! He and Mabel were probably in on this from the start.
And you noticed when you brought up his name, she got very quiet and had us looking at other suspects.
Actually, it was you who did that.
You've gotta stop thinking the worst of her.
And you need to start.
She lied to us, Charles, or did you miss that fact? She also helped us investigate.
Why would she do that? Oh, I don't know.
Maybe to throw us off the scent of herself.
It's a classic true crime podcast move.
Right out of - Daddy's Little Helper.
- Daddy's Little Helper.
Exactly.
That's right.
The forlorn son helps with the case, - until all evidence points to him.
- Yeah.
That podcast stunk, by the way.
They gave away everything in the title.
I mean, I wonder who did it? Daddy's little helper? Don't you hear yourself? You're thinking like the patsy, the sucker.
Not the detective.
Charles, buddy, just Please, just drop what you're feeling, and think only about what you know.
We can't forget about Tie-Dye Guy.
Charles, we can't just suspect someone because they're wearing a hoodie.
It's like a huge no.
I'm not doing that.
Well, I am doing that, but not like that.
Okay, fine.
I'm just saying Tie-Dye Guy.
Enough with the Tie-Dye Guy.
It's just a waste of time.
- What? - Nothing.
It just feels like I'm sitting next to your older brother.
You know, you were actually the first person I wanted to see after my dad.
That's why I was heading up the stairs the night everything went crazy.
In case you were wondering.
I was heading up to see you at your aunt's place.
It's weird that we didn't pass each other in the stairwell.
Maybe we did.
You did miss me sneaking up on you this morning.
I didn't miss shit.
Besides, I've always wanted to kill someone with my knitting needle.
I saw you once with those guys that look like retired cops.
Was one of them that Brazzos guy? Yeah.
He kinda still thinks he's on that show.
Okay, I'm gonna call her.
When she's screaming bloody murder, you'll see.
Call Mabel Mora.
Hey, it's Mabel.
Leave a message at the tone.
See that? If she's so safe, why didn't she pick up? Oh, trust me.
She's too busy planning her next murder with Clyde.
Let's hope it's not one of us.
Hey! Found something.
An article from the Post years ago - about what Will told us.
- And? A girl named Zoe Cassidy was pushed off the roof of the Arconia.
Police arrested a resident.
- I kinda remember some of this.
- I don't.
- When did this happen? - 2010.
How does this not sound even vaguely familiar to you? 2010 That was my Prednisone year.
I got really bloated, and it played with my memory.
Search "Charles-Haden Savage fat.
" Ooh! Look at the ass on papa.
- Oh - Jesus, you're huge.
Looks like you're wearing a turtleneck.
Oh no, don't worry.
It-it's just warming up.
I don't think Aphrodite's ever been driven in the winter.
You know what? I'm gonna try Mabel again.
Oh, God.
Hey! Ooh! - Hey.
Mabel! Hi! It's Charles.
- Play it cool.
I -I was worried about you after that last dead end.
Do you wanna get together? - For coffee.
- For tea? Yeah, no, no, no.
I-I'm good.
I'm just, uh, chilling at Washington Square Park, so Yeah, thanks for calling, and I'll just talk to you later.
You're lying to your boyfriend 'cause you feel like even the way you're thinking about me is cheating? I don't have a boyfriend.
Like Cassandra and Lady Macbeth rolled into one! No, she can't say anything.
So, "just chilling," is code for, "help, I've been taken hostage.
" It's tough to believe that she could be this duplicitous, I know.
Tougher because you're a closed-off person, and Mabel made you open up and trust people for the first time.
So now, the thought that she might not be who she seems has you questioning it all.
Okay, I gotta try that again.
- That was very fake sounding.
- You fucker! So, G.
M.
, Shore Road.
You sure Tim was going to a jewelry shop? It's this whole Hardy Boys thing I cracked.
Oh.
You cracked it.
Cool.
Or could it have something to do with something else? Okay, so we all got the same tattoo.
And? - Who gave them to us? - My cousin Tavo.
And what's your cousin Tavo's government name? Gustavo Mora.
G.
M.
? With a tattoo shop on Shore Road? Fuck me! How did I miss that? W You-you have to take this exit.
We have to go to Bayport.
Hold on! Long Island.
My first time out of Manhattan in five years, and we're going to Long Island.
- Don't you go to the Hamptons? - Never.
I got a sister in Patchogue.
She has four daughters, all with D names.
Dawn, Danielle, Dina, and Dagmar.
The five of them are always trying to set me up with a hairdresser.
Well, I have to admit I have certainly had my share of Long Island shenanigans.
I re I remember one time, uh, I'd had a few cocktails, and, uh, on a dare, I rode an elephant and then threw up in a pool at a wedding in Syosset.
I once shot an episode of Brazzos in Hempstead.
It doubled for Bosnia.
I once got syphilis in South Setauket.
And I got crabs in Massapequa.
Ooh, I got the clap in Amagansett.
And I got saggy-bottom balls in Sag Harbor.
Saggy Bottom Balls is what she called me Boom boom boom boom She had a way with the names Boom boom boom boom Saggy bottom balls in Sag H Oh! Exiting! Look, they're exiting.
Oh, yeah.
Good eye.
Boom boom boom boom, Saggy Bottom Balls is what she called me Okay, now I'm gonna be singing that all day.
- We've got smoke! - Don't worry, don't worry.
Just pull over there so they don't see us.
I'll give her $5 worth of diesel, she'll be fine! - Why not fill her up? - Where are we going, to the moon? It's a shallow tank.
Hey, you might wanna pop the hood.
No thanks, we're fine.
Yo, hey! You,uh, y-you're Brazzos! Right? "This sends the damn day in a brand new direction!" "Whole new direction," but, yeah.
That's me.
Shit! Yo, let's see what we got here, yeah? Hey, do you think the attendant can sell me some brine? I need to replenish her sodium levels.
Brine, man! I like that! Wherever you're going, you might not be going in this.
- 4.
50.
- Uh, could I also grab a lighter, some batteries, and Strawberry lube! Oh wait, that gave you a reaction last time.
Oh, this one.
We've got bubblegum lube.
Perfect.
We'll take that, and some ginseng and Spanish fly.
Oh also, what size condoms do you have? He needs slim fit, extra long.
We don't want it to fall off again.
- It's bad.
- Alright, I'm I'm gonna go.
Thank you.
- Are you proud of yourself? - I said extra long.
Oh wow, that - That makes it all better - Oh, look at them.
Laughing.
Not a care in the world.
And you're right.
She does wear cool boots.
- She's not kidnapped.
- Oh, don't worry.
She played me, too.
And I'm the one with the street smarts.
Hey, my cousin Peanut can tow this for you.
Take it to a shop, he could use the work.
I can give you a lift.
I'm Lucien.
- Hi, Lucien.
- Hey, can you help us follow those two? Sure.
I follow people all the time.
He's nice.
I like him.
We sh Ooh I'm gonna get my stuff! Rolling deep with cacti today.
If your hand swells up after touching that thing, don't touch your eye.
Why aren't we moving? Waiting on my cousin Vaughn.
He had a taste for some oatmeal cookies.
Hurry up, man! Get in! We on a mission! - Hello.
- Hi.
Let me call you back.
My cousin just picked up two white boys.
I didn't realize you were driving a terrarium.
- So, who are we following.
- Well, we're doing a podcast based on a murder in the building we live in, and the girl in the car is one of the cohosts, but now, we think she may have had something to do with the whole thing.
Damn! You know, Vaughn and I, we got a little podcast.
It's called Yard Dogs: Your Favorite Horticulture Homies.
Good for you guys.
Giving it the old college try.
- That's that's so sweet.
- Yeah, we got about 60,000 subscribers.
Been featured on iTunes and Spotify as one of the best new podcasts.
You know, just trying to do a little something-something.
We, uh, met Cinda Canning.
We have an in with her.
Cin Cin! That's our girl! Yeah, we part of Cinda's network, man.
The only thing green she loves more than money is our plants! She's really the third horticulture homie.
Oh.
That's, that's uh, that's great.
What party of Long Island is this? Ah, this is Bayport, baby.
Every time I come out here, some shit pops off.
- What are they doing out here? - I don't know.
Maybe they're going to murder someone else.
Stop calling her a murderer.
She's an innocent young woman.
So, this girl she was helping you solve the murder, but now you think she's involved? - Pretty much.
- Damn.
Just because things aren't what they seem, doesn't mean she's a bad person.
Maybe she just doesn't trust y'all yet.
Or she's mistletoe.
Which is actually a toxic parasite.
Mm.
The very plant that encourages us to kiss at holiday time can actually kill the tree it hangs on.
Little do you know, all that romance is happening under a tree assassin.
Okay.
Now, let's go see why Tim was hanging out with my sketchy cousin.
Yo, I know we just drove out here, but can we please let this go? It's been 10 years since I had ice cream.
With a girl.
On a beach.
It doesn't even have to be Haagen-Dazs.
It could be a nasty Smurf pop from a dude with a cooler.
I do want to do that.
I do.
I But this is important.
What happened ruined your life, and now Tim is dead.
I just need some answers.
I'm trying to move forward with my life.
I got goals.
In prison, I started trap yoga, and I got certified.
I want to open up a studio.
- Yoga? - Yeah! I'm positive as fuck! And figuring out why some asshole died doesn't do shit for my inner calm.
I get it.
This isn't the most positive-as-fuck thing you could be doing right now.
But I have to.
And I have to not.
Okay, I'll just catch the train back later.
When you get outta prison and try to restart your life, you hope to get back to the good parts and leave the bad behind.
But just because you aren't locked up, doesn't mean you aren't still in some kind of prison.
What the fuck are you guys doing here? Well, we could say the same thing about you.
Yeah.
How was it chillin' in Washington Square Park? Was it, like, so chill? Did you chill it up so hard? Jesus Did you follow me? - That is so messed up! - No, no! What is messed up is that you lied to me, and you lied to him, and we promised each other we wouldn't do that! He's very wounded, Mabel.
I'm made of stronger stuff, but he's I'm sorry.
Did you know Tim Kono? Yes.
Did you have something to do with Wow, Charles.
Just say it out loud.
Say it out loud if that's what you think of me.
It -it's not what I think I'm just I'm just very confused.
I know.
And I'll explain it to you guys.
Tim was my friend, or he used to be.
And I think that's why I'm so obsessed with solving this murder.
Fuck it.
I got way too much 'cause I don't know what you're into anymore.
- You came back.
- Well! It's Tie-Dye Guy.
This is Oscar.
Also a friend.
Also not the killer.
- Brazzos? - Yes.
Wow.
I saw you going up the stairs the night Tim Kono was murdered.
I saw you shoot a crocodile that was smuggling drugs.
Uh, Brazzos was one of three DVD sets in the prison library.
God, prison sounds like hell.
- What flavor do you have there? - Uh, vegan sea salt oil? Jesus.
When did ice cream become a hand lotion? Fucking millennials.
Honest, they're so boring.
Okay, I'll take the popsicle then.
You were going up to Tim's apartment that night, weren't you? No, he wasn't.
Yeah.
I was.
I'm sorry.
I lied to you, Mabel.
I know I shouldn't have, but it was just seeing you again Oh my God, my head is spinning with all these lies.
No, no, go on.
I went up to Tim's place that night.
I-I don't know what I was gonna do, but I wasn't going to kill him.
Maybe fuck him up a little bit.
But the alarm was going off, and then and then, I heard a fucking gunshot.
- You heard it? - Yeah.
I did.
But I didn't murder Tim Kono.
Tim was murdered? Damn, he was right.
Tim called it.
Does everybody know Tim Kono now? What are you two doing here? Hey, can you please explain who you are, and what exactly you know Brain freeze! Oh, uh, use your thumb! Press the top of your thumb like that.
Like this? Mm! Mm Oh my God.
Tie-Dye Guy is a genius.
Um, Tavo, what were you saying? Tim thought he was gonna get murdered? Fuck yeah.
He'd been trying to take down this black market jewelry dealer named Angel.
Tavo.
May-may I call you Tavo? Well, what else would you call him? Well, it could be an affectionate nickname.
I don't wanna overstep my bounds.
Look, Tim Kono was a loner who worked in a bank.
Taking down a black market jewelry dealer seems a little off brand, don't you think? Maybe.
Then again, I found all these in his apartment.
- Whoa! - Oh my God Brain freeze!
What the fuck is "G.
M.
"? I am looking for a guy I saw going up the stairs in a tie-dyed hoodie the night Tim died.
- Enough with Tie-Dye Guy! - We cannot forget about Tie-Dye Guy! So, Dad, I listened to your podcast.
You didn't tell me you were doing it with Mabel Mora.
- Why? You know her? - She used to stay here.
She hung out with this group of kids, and one of them was Tim Kono.
You can't disappear for 10 years, then show up and start dragging up a bunch of shit from when we were kids! - I saw someone fighting with her.
- You saw Oscar? No.
Someone else.
You know what happened that night.
You didn't even say anything.
Just when it's all starting to feel the same, that's when you get hit by something you never saw coming.
Value.
Worth.
The price of life.
What's the easiest way to know how you fit into the equation? Come to New York.
Shit just plain costs more in the city.
Subway fare is $2.
75.
The inflation of Hot Cheetos? 99 cents in the Bronx, nearly four freaking dollars in Tribeca.
Those joints? Overpriced as fuck.
Not like that coat though.
That is priceless.
It's special.
Just like her.
I will take you down to the bone, motherfucker! Twist! Big, big twist! We have an unexpected turn of events, thanks to my son Will.
Mabel knew Tim Kono and lied about it, which probably means that Mabel killed Tim Kono.
And now, we're wondering was he the first or the latest in her wild spree? Yeah, because she totally fits the profile.
Female, late 20s, wears cool boots, reads the Hardy Boys.
When I see that on a resume, I'm thinking murderer No real job, few attachments, and lives alone! In an empty apartment that probably has a drain in the floor! Oh, that was some good back and forth.
Listeners love conflict.
- You're a simpleton.
- Damn it! I didn't get that.
Can you call me a simpleton again? - You're a simpleton! - Oh, thank you! Oh, my God.
Oscar? Damn, bella! I'm so sorry! You got out! I can't believe you're standing right here.
Yeah, right? Me, too.
Wait, so did you just get out? I went by your dad's, and he basically told me to fuck off.
Yeah, shit.
No, I got out last week.
You knew that I was waiting here, and you get out after 10 years and you don't call me? You just follow me down the street like some fuckin' creeper? Look, I had a whole plan.
Can we just go chill? Where you headed? - Jersey.
- Well then, I'm going to Jersey.
I'll drive you.
Oh! You don't have to drive, though.
Yes, I do have to.
I've been waiting a long time for this.
For this.
Me, too.
- Now, come on, you creeper.
- Ah Lester said he saw her head west.
Can you just calm down and think a minute? This is all a misunderstanding Haven't I been telling you there's something off with Mabel? She's got those crazy killer eyes, like Liza at 3:00 in the morning.
Please don't tell that story again.
She and Jessica Lange came to me after an evening at Studio 54, - and I had had a few cocktails.
- And I had had a few cocktails! Stop! Mabel is a sweet young woman who promised not to keep secrets from us.
I've been meaning to ask.
Is this your hat? - My hat! I thought I'd lost it - Oh my God, there she is! What? Oh! Tie-Dye Guy.
- It's Tie-Dye Guy! - Okay, w-w-we gotta follow them.
I'm gonna get my car.
You stay on them.
Alright, I'll wait - Wait! You have a car? - Go after them on foot, and then call me when you know where they are, and - then I'll swing by and pick you up! - Okay! I'll wai You pay for parking here?! - This is bad! They're getting away! - You on them? I'm on them, but I can't outrun a Camry! Stay on them! Oh God, I hope they don't see me.
Oh jeez - So, where we going? - It's in Teaneck, so GW Bridge.
Welcome to New York.
Thank you, ma'am! Oliver, I ca I can't hear you! Are you there? Yeah, I might cut out a little bit, but stay on! Oh! Oh, thank God.
They're stuck in traffic.
Where are you? I'll take one.
Wait, are you at that pretzel cart? I want one.
- Read out the toppings! - What? What toppings? There's mustard and salt.
Yeah, but you know, sometimes there's honey mustard.
Is it Dante? Tell him Oliver wants his usual! - Are you Dante? - Yep.
- Oliver wants his usual.
- Mm-hmm.
I'm coming around! - Are you still on 88th? - Yeah, uh, traffic's moving! Where are you? Turn around! Very inconspicuous! We blend in by standing out.
- What are you doing? - No, no, no.
You drive because I gotta record, and also my driver's license expired 25 years ago.
Keep your eyes on that Camry! What are you doing with this car? This is Aphrodite.
I got her in LA when I was filming Singin' In The Rain 2 for VH1.
Oh! Look, in the ashtray.
It's a jelly bean from 1963.
Maybe it's a Mexican diet pill.
Oh, no.
It's a fen-phen! Mm! Mm.
Know what? I don't need this.
Left! They're turning left.
So if you've been out for a week, what have you been doing? I had some decent food.
Got a haircut.
Went to the bathroom without somebody looking at me.
That was fun.
Did you hear about Tim? Yeah.
My first night out, he offs himself? My first time stepping back in that building? Wait, you were there that Oh my God, you're Tie-Dye Guy! Yeah! I'm trying to be.
Figured I'd get some new drip when I got out.
I think she's in trouble.
That's the guy I saw going up the stairs that night.
I know! Tie-Dye! He and Mabel were probably in on this from the start.
And you noticed when you brought up his name, she got very quiet and had us looking at other suspects.
Actually, it was you who did that.
You've gotta stop thinking the worst of her.
And you need to start.
She lied to us, Charles, or did you miss that fact? She also helped us investigate.
Why would she do that? Oh, I don't know.
Maybe to throw us off the scent of herself.
It's a classic true crime podcast move.
Right out of - Daddy's Little Helper.
- Daddy's Little Helper.
Exactly.
That's right.
The forlorn son helps with the case, - until all evidence points to him.
- Yeah.
That podcast stunk, by the way.
They gave away everything in the title.
I mean, I wonder who did it? Daddy's little helper? Don't you hear yourself? You're thinking like the patsy, the sucker.
Not the detective.
Charles, buddy, just Please, just drop what you're feeling, and think only about what you know.
We can't forget about Tie-Dye Guy.
Charles, we can't just suspect someone because they're wearing a hoodie.
It's like a huge no.
I'm not doing that.
Well, I am doing that, but not like that.
Okay, fine.
I'm just saying Tie-Dye Guy.
Enough with the Tie-Dye Guy.
It's just a waste of time.
- What? - Nothing.
It just feels like I'm sitting next to your older brother.
You know, you were actually the first person I wanted to see after my dad.
That's why I was heading up the stairs the night everything went crazy.
In case you were wondering.
I was heading up to see you at your aunt's place.
It's weird that we didn't pass each other in the stairwell.
Maybe we did.
You did miss me sneaking up on you this morning.
I didn't miss shit.
Besides, I've always wanted to kill someone with my knitting needle.
I saw you once with those guys that look like retired cops.
Was one of them that Brazzos guy? Yeah.
He kinda still thinks he's on that show.
Okay, I'm gonna call her.
When she's screaming bloody murder, you'll see.
Call Mabel Mora.
Hey, it's Mabel.
Leave a message at the tone.
See that? If she's so safe, why didn't she pick up? Oh, trust me.
She's too busy planning her next murder with Clyde.
Let's hope it's not one of us.
Hey! Found something.
An article from the Post years ago - about what Will told us.
- And? A girl named Zoe Cassidy was pushed off the roof of the Arconia.
Police arrested a resident.
- I kinda remember some of this.
- I don't.
- When did this happen? - 2010.
How does this not sound even vaguely familiar to you? 2010 That was my Prednisone year.
I got really bloated, and it played with my memory.
Search "Charles-Haden Savage fat.
" Ooh! Look at the ass on papa.
- Oh - Jesus, you're huge.
Looks like you're wearing a turtleneck.
Oh no, don't worry.
It-it's just warming up.
I don't think Aphrodite's ever been driven in the winter.
You know what? I'm gonna try Mabel again.
Oh, God.
Hey! Ooh! - Hey.
Mabel! Hi! It's Charles.
- Play it cool.
I -I was worried about you after that last dead end.
Do you wanna get together? - For coffee.
- For tea? Yeah, no, no, no.
I-I'm good.
I'm just, uh, chilling at Washington Square Park, so Yeah, thanks for calling, and I'll just talk to you later.
You're lying to your boyfriend 'cause you feel like even the way you're thinking about me is cheating? I don't have a boyfriend.
Like Cassandra and Lady Macbeth rolled into one! No, she can't say anything.
So, "just chilling," is code for, "help, I've been taken hostage.
" It's tough to believe that she could be this duplicitous, I know.
Tougher because you're a closed-off person, and Mabel made you open up and trust people for the first time.
So now, the thought that she might not be who she seems has you questioning it all.
Okay, I gotta try that again.
- That was very fake sounding.
- You fucker! So, G.
M.
, Shore Road.
You sure Tim was going to a jewelry shop? It's this whole Hardy Boys thing I cracked.
Oh.
You cracked it.
Cool.
Or could it have something to do with something else? Okay, so we all got the same tattoo.
And? - Who gave them to us? - My cousin Tavo.
And what's your cousin Tavo's government name? Gustavo Mora.
G.
M.
? With a tattoo shop on Shore Road? Fuck me! How did I miss that? W You-you have to take this exit.
We have to go to Bayport.
Hold on! Long Island.
My first time out of Manhattan in five years, and we're going to Long Island.
- Don't you go to the Hamptons? - Never.
I got a sister in Patchogue.
She has four daughters, all with D names.
Dawn, Danielle, Dina, and Dagmar.
The five of them are always trying to set me up with a hairdresser.
Well, I have to admit I have certainly had my share of Long Island shenanigans.
I re I remember one time, uh, I'd had a few cocktails, and, uh, on a dare, I rode an elephant and then threw up in a pool at a wedding in Syosset.
I once shot an episode of Brazzos in Hempstead.
It doubled for Bosnia.
I once got syphilis in South Setauket.
And I got crabs in Massapequa.
Ooh, I got the clap in Amagansett.
And I got saggy-bottom balls in Sag Harbor.
Saggy Bottom Balls is what she called me Boom boom boom boom She had a way with the names Boom boom boom boom Saggy bottom balls in Sag H Oh! Exiting! Look, they're exiting.
Oh, yeah.
Good eye.
Boom boom boom boom, Saggy Bottom Balls is what she called me Okay, now I'm gonna be singing that all day.
- We've got smoke! - Don't worry, don't worry.
Just pull over there so they don't see us.
I'll give her $5 worth of diesel, she'll be fine! - Why not fill her up? - Where are we going, to the moon? It's a shallow tank.
Hey, you might wanna pop the hood.
No thanks, we're fine.
Yo, hey! You,uh, y-you're Brazzos! Right? "This sends the damn day in a brand new direction!" "Whole new direction," but, yeah.
That's me.
Shit! Yo, let's see what we got here, yeah? Hey, do you think the attendant can sell me some brine? I need to replenish her sodium levels.
Brine, man! I like that! Wherever you're going, you might not be going in this.
- 4.
50.
- Uh, could I also grab a lighter, some batteries, and Strawberry lube! Oh wait, that gave you a reaction last time.
Oh, this one.
We've got bubblegum lube.
Perfect.
We'll take that, and some ginseng and Spanish fly.
Oh also, what size condoms do you have? He needs slim fit, extra long.
We don't want it to fall off again.
- It's bad.
- Alright, I'm I'm gonna go.
Thank you.
- Are you proud of yourself? - I said extra long.
Oh wow, that - That makes it all better - Oh, look at them.
Laughing.
Not a care in the world.
And you're right.
She does wear cool boots.
- She's not kidnapped.
- Oh, don't worry.
She played me, too.
And I'm the one with the street smarts.
Hey, my cousin Peanut can tow this for you.
Take it to a shop, he could use the work.
I can give you a lift.
I'm Lucien.
- Hi, Lucien.
- Hey, can you help us follow those two? Sure.
I follow people all the time.
He's nice.
I like him.
We sh Ooh I'm gonna get my stuff! Rolling deep with cacti today.
If your hand swells up after touching that thing, don't touch your eye.
Why aren't we moving? Waiting on my cousin Vaughn.
He had a taste for some oatmeal cookies.
Hurry up, man! Get in! We on a mission! - Hello.
- Hi.
Let me call you back.
My cousin just picked up two white boys.
I didn't realize you were driving a terrarium.
- So, who are we following.
- Well, we're doing a podcast based on a murder in the building we live in, and the girl in the car is one of the cohosts, but now, we think she may have had something to do with the whole thing.
Damn! You know, Vaughn and I, we got a little podcast.
It's called Yard Dogs: Your Favorite Horticulture Homies.
Good for you guys.
Giving it the old college try.
- That's that's so sweet.
- Yeah, we got about 60,000 subscribers.
Been featured on iTunes and Spotify as one of the best new podcasts.
You know, just trying to do a little something-something.
We, uh, met Cinda Canning.
We have an in with her.
Cin Cin! That's our girl! Yeah, we part of Cinda's network, man.
The only thing green she loves more than money is our plants! She's really the third horticulture homie.
Oh.
That's, that's uh, that's great.
What party of Long Island is this? Ah, this is Bayport, baby.
Every time I come out here, some shit pops off.
- What are they doing out here? - I don't know.
Maybe they're going to murder someone else.
Stop calling her a murderer.
She's an innocent young woman.
So, this girl she was helping you solve the murder, but now you think she's involved? - Pretty much.
- Damn.
Just because things aren't what they seem, doesn't mean she's a bad person.
Maybe she just doesn't trust y'all yet.
Or she's mistletoe.
Which is actually a toxic parasite.
Mm.
The very plant that encourages us to kiss at holiday time can actually kill the tree it hangs on.
Little do you know, all that romance is happening under a tree assassin.
Okay.
Now, let's go see why Tim was hanging out with my sketchy cousin.
Yo, I know we just drove out here, but can we please let this go? It's been 10 years since I had ice cream.
With a girl.
On a beach.
It doesn't even have to be Haagen-Dazs.
It could be a nasty Smurf pop from a dude with a cooler.
I do want to do that.
I do.
I But this is important.
What happened ruined your life, and now Tim is dead.
I just need some answers.
I'm trying to move forward with my life.
I got goals.
In prison, I started trap yoga, and I got certified.
I want to open up a studio.
- Yoga? - Yeah! I'm positive as fuck! And figuring out why some asshole died doesn't do shit for my inner calm.
I get it.
This isn't the most positive-as-fuck thing you could be doing right now.
But I have to.
And I have to not.
Okay, I'll just catch the train back later.
When you get outta prison and try to restart your life, you hope to get back to the good parts and leave the bad behind.
But just because you aren't locked up, doesn't mean you aren't still in some kind of prison.
What the fuck are you guys doing here? Well, we could say the same thing about you.
Yeah.
How was it chillin' in Washington Square Park? Was it, like, so chill? Did you chill it up so hard? Jesus Did you follow me? - That is so messed up! - No, no! What is messed up is that you lied to me, and you lied to him, and we promised each other we wouldn't do that! He's very wounded, Mabel.
I'm made of stronger stuff, but he's I'm sorry.
Did you know Tim Kono? Yes.
Did you have something to do with Wow, Charles.
Just say it out loud.
Say it out loud if that's what you think of me.
It -it's not what I think I'm just I'm just very confused.
I know.
And I'll explain it to you guys.
Tim was my friend, or he used to be.
And I think that's why I'm so obsessed with solving this murder.
Fuck it.
I got way too much 'cause I don't know what you're into anymore.
- You came back.
- Well! It's Tie-Dye Guy.
This is Oscar.
Also a friend.
Also not the killer.
- Brazzos? - Yes.
Wow.
I saw you going up the stairs the night Tim Kono was murdered.
I saw you shoot a crocodile that was smuggling drugs.
Uh, Brazzos was one of three DVD sets in the prison library.
God, prison sounds like hell.
- What flavor do you have there? - Uh, vegan sea salt oil? Jesus.
When did ice cream become a hand lotion? Fucking millennials.
Honest, they're so boring.
Okay, I'll take the popsicle then.
You were going up to Tim's apartment that night, weren't you? No, he wasn't.
Yeah.
I was.
I'm sorry.
I lied to you, Mabel.
I know I shouldn't have, but it was just seeing you again Oh my God, my head is spinning with all these lies.
No, no, go on.
I went up to Tim's place that night.
I-I don't know what I was gonna do, but I wasn't going to kill him.
Maybe fuck him up a little bit.
But the alarm was going off, and then and then, I heard a fucking gunshot.
- You heard it? - Yeah.
I did.
But I didn't murder Tim Kono.
Tim was murdered? Damn, he was right.
Tim called it.
Does everybody know Tim Kono now? What are you two doing here? Hey, can you please explain who you are, and what exactly you know Brain freeze! Oh, uh, use your thumb! Press the top of your thumb like that.
Like this? Mm! Mm Oh my God.
Tie-Dye Guy is a genius.
Um, Tavo, what were you saying? Tim thought he was gonna get murdered? Fuck yeah.
He'd been trying to take down this black market jewelry dealer named Angel.
Tavo.
May-may I call you Tavo? Well, what else would you call him? Well, it could be an affectionate nickname.
I don't wanna overstep my bounds.
Look, Tim Kono was a loner who worked in a bank.
Taking down a black market jewelry dealer seems a little off brand, don't you think? Maybe.
Then again, I found all these in his apartment.
- Whoa! - Oh my God Brain freeze!