Only Murders in the Building (2021) s02e02 Episode Script


- You are all
persons of interest now.
- Thank you!
- Uh, quick selfie together?
How about a quick exit? For you.
Have a good night, though,
sir. Thank you very much.
- Hi, Alice.
- I'm really glad you came.
I'm so glad you're not a catfish.
We could use some new
energy in our collective.
So, this is, what, a recruitment?
Hold the elevator!
Well, hello there, Amy Schumer.
Would you ever consider selling
me the rights to the podcast,
so I could turn it into
an 8-to-10 episode streaming series?
I'd be lying if I didn't say
I had a 200-page pitch deck
floating around my apartment somewhere.
- Fuck off, Oliver!
- Is that Bunny?
Are you hearing that, too?
Bunny had a bird?
Someone is coming!
Bunny had a real eye for erotic art.
This Rose Cooper painting that she has,
it's worth a fortune.
- It's in the bedroom.
- They're coming this way!
There should be
a naked man on this wall!
Guys. Check this out.
Bunny had a secret elevator?
- Where does it go, Hell?
- Let's find out.
Yeah. Still, that was
way too close.
But we got a huge clue.
We find the painting,
we find the killer.
Bunny's painting?
Charles, is that you?
It's my father.
The story of Bunny Folger
begins with the story of the Arconia.
Built in 1908 to help establish
the Upper West Side
by architect and infamous playboy
Archibald Carter,
the Arconia was his fourth
building of this style
in as many countries.
Each of Archibald's buildings
have little secrets known only
to the architect himself.
Just as Archibald held secrets
known only to the architect himself.
Archibald eventually married
and raised his family in the Arconia.
And many years later,
Archibald's daughter, Leonora,
married one Mr. Folger
and raised their daughter
Bunny in the Arconia.
Bunny lived every day of her
life in that same apartment.
In the 1950s, the Upper West Side
was a neighborhood of middle class
and working people.
A place for immigrants, artists,
and, as ever, aspiring actors.
"Mark, I know you think it's silly,
but when you get to know Tony,
you'll understand why I said that."
"Darling, I understand now.
That doesn't stop you from loving me."
- Uh
- No.
"Stop me from loving you."
Otherwise, you got it.
You're gonna nail this audition.
Yeah, we'll see.
Just remember not to tell your
mother about what we did today.
Why doesn't Mom want you to be an actor?
Because she's a dream killer, son.
Charles, look at that building.
I hit it big, we're gonna live there.
So, my father was the subject
of a very pricey piece of erotica.
Are you sure that's your father?
- He had much broader shoulders.
- Oliver
Same gorgeous white hair, but clearly
narrower hips.
I mean, his are like this,
and you're more like
That's him. The scar on his neck.
That's his watch I still have.
But what's he doing up there?
Was he a model? Was he a gigolo?
Was he sleeping with Rose Cooper?
A highly esteemed
and very horny artist.
H A super valuable
painting of your father
that was stolen from a
murdered woman's apartment,
planted in yours,
and that's the part you
can't get over? The sex part?
Fucking men.
We're the worst. Time's up.
The guy had so many secrets.
I mean, did he even wanna be an actor?
Did he really wanna
live in this building?
Is that a shadow?
Or a tiny little bit
of his balls?
Mm. Wonderful things
for you to work out in therapy.
And, granted, Papa did have
a sizable set of luggage.
Meanwhile, we have to
get this outta here,
so we all don't look like murderers,
and I can focus back on me.
I have a meeting later with Amy Schumer.
Uh, guys?
This painting's called Savage.
Oh, good! My name's on it!
That's not suspicious at all!
So, I should mention
Bunny said something
to me before she died.
In addition to 14
- She said "Savage."
- What?
M-maybe she was trying to
point you toward the painting.
Maybe she saw it being stolen.
Or maybe she met Savitch,
like Jessica Savitch.
- Who?
- A famous news anchor
I dated briefly in the '80s.
Lived in the building before me.
Left me for Ed Bradley from 60 Minutes.
Oh, by the way, did I
ever tell you the time
that I met Steve Kroft at a Korean spa?
The man had the most
beautiful, firm breasts.
Okay, you must ask permission
to tell stories from now on.
None of this makes any sense.
The knitting needle,
and now the painting?
Well, it's clear that someone's
trying to frame the two of you.
Not me, which is weird,
uh, considering that I'm
definitely the most compelling.
We've gotta get this
painting out of here.
Whoever planted it here could
also have the cops come any minute.
Oh! No
Nobody's home! I mean
I mean Here
- No, no, no! The closet! The closet!
- Where? Where?
- Put it in the bedroom! The bedroom!
- Where?
Nobody ever goes in the bedroom! Go! Go!
J-just putting on a sweater!
Oh! Hi, inquisitive
neighbor Howard Morris!
How can I help you?
Oh, hello. I'm sorry to bother,
but you left your keys in the door.
I was looking for those.
I actually wanted to stop by
because I appreciate what
you've done for the building.
- Well, thank you.
- And I loved your podcast.
I actually knew it was your
girlfriend, like, episode eight.
Well, I wish you would have told me
'cause that would have been helpful.
Well, I wanted to see
how it ended, Charles.
Anyway, I also agree with what
you said on your new podcast.
I'm sorry?
Whoever has the painting
is Bunny's killer.
We're actually moving
off that theory, Howard.
Howard! Hey! What happened to your eye?
Oh, it's so silly.
I-I was playing hide-and-seek
with my new kitten, Sevelyn,
and, um, boom!
Ran into my hutch. She found me.
How can we
Oh! Um, there's a gathering
over at Bunny's place right now.
Just for people who loved her.
It should be a very small gathering.
I thought it would be good if
the three of you stopped by.
Oh, I-I don't really think
anybody wants to see us.
Yeah. And, Howard, stopping
by the victim's memorial
is a classic "guilty person's" move.
But isn't that why you should
go? To find the guilty person
who looks more guilty
than the three of you.
Howard has a point with that.
So why do you think you were framed?
Come on, catch me up. Let's dish.
It will all be on the podcast.
We're switching to a
subscription model this season.
- Thanks for the info.
- Actually,
I had an idea for,
like, a capsule episode,
which I thought might be
Okay, what if we put the
painting back in Bunny's apartment
and used Bunny's shindig as cover?
That's good. We stop by,
we suss out the crowd,
I slip into Bunny's closet,
down her secret elevator
into the alley
Where we can be with the painting.
And then back up to Bunny's and out.
Yes! Oh, that's a plan.
I think this is really good!
- We are getting the hang of this.
- Absolutely.
You can tell it's our second season.
- Hi, baby. Hello?
Howard's my friend.
Howard's my friend.
Oh, goodie. The murderers are here.
What the hell are you doing?
- We brought dip!
- Uma, be nice. I invited them.
- We came to pay our respects.
- With a screw top?
What happened, you couldn't find a box?
We want to help find Bunny's killer.
Her death was tragic and one
of the worst days of my life,
and that's actually saying something.
Right 'cause it's all about you.
Millennials. Get a job.
Get a damn job!
I have to find a home for that bird.
Baby. Baby, baby.
One of those podcast girls
was sniffing around about you.
Bought 10 cases of Gut Milk.
Which podcast girl?
Glasses, white, nosy,
10 cases
Yeah. Okay. Alright, so
Everyone? Nina Lin.
If I may, I would just
like to assure all of you,
as the new Board President,
I will not let Bunny's demise
adversely affect the building.
I'm in charge now, and a new era begins.
Someone's sure itchy to step
into the presidential wedgies.
Don't get me started on Nina.
Why? What do you know?
I can't speak openly here.
She's got such a maternal glow.
Hm! Funny.
I look at her, and I
think of Rosemary's Baby.
If Rosemary were a hedge fund manager
and couldn't wait to
carry the Devil's Child.
Did Bunny and Nina get along at all
No, no, no. Don't, don't, don't. Shh.
I will only say this.
If you thought Bunny was a bitch,
wait till you get a load of this one.
Bunny was not a bitch.
She was all alone in this world.
No children, no family. Only me.
- Fuck off!
- And Mrs. Goddamn Gambolini.
Why didn't the killer take
that bird instead of her painting?!
Uh, actually, um,
ahem, actually, uh,
we're not sure
the killer has the painting.
Of course, the killer has the painting.
Are you talking about my painting?
Who are you?
I'm Leonora Folger,
the mother of Bunny.
Now, where the fuck is my painting?
Can we call her Big Bunny, please?
No. The Rose Cooper does
not belong to my daughter.
It belongs to me.
I have a bill of sale
here somewhere that I
when I first bought it from the artist,
and Oh God.
Here! You find it!
I've got macular degeneration. I
Nothing but a big bubble
in my middle vision, and
But I have very accurate
peripheral vision,
so you just
No sticky fingers, little girl.
I think this is it?
So what do we know about my
daughter's murder and the theft?
Why don't you ask these three?
They're the ones that probably did it.
- We were framed.
- We're persons of interest.
- It's very different.
- Hm.
Come closer.
C'mere, c'mere, c'mere,
come on, come on!
Come on.
Aw, you sweet little thing.
None of them did it.
They didn't do it.
They didn't do it, but
they know something.
They know something.
Now, somebody make
me a Cocotini, please.
I wanted my Yodelshop
group to sing for Bunny,
but Uma didn't think it was appropriate.
Do you know Yodelshop, Leonora?
Barbershop quartet
but with yodeling.
What the hell is that?
A Cocotini?
I found some chocolate
syrup in Bunny's fridge.
A Cocotini has coconut.
That looks like a cup of canal water.
Right. Okay.
She's definitely Bunny's mom.
It is her painting.
Maybe she knew Rose Cooper.
Maybe she knew my dad.
Maybe she killed Bunny to get it.
Her own mother.
What? It happened on The Sopranos.
Do you think that woman
stabbed someone eight times?
Well, we'll put a pin in her for now.
Okay, Charles, we will text you
when we're downstairs with the painting,
so we can sneak it up. And
please, I beg of you, just be cool.
Who's cooler than me?
- Everyone.
- Mm-hmm.
Okay. Okay.
How is this a sneaky way
to get this thing out?
Well, Lester said someone
was using the good cart,
and then asked a lot of
questions. So, I just
I just grabbed the broken one.
Oh, oh! Oh, oh
Got the good one back. Let
me help you transfer that stuff.
No, no, we got it, Lester!
- No, thank you.
- L-let me at least push it.
- It's my job.
- Back off, old man!
Can I at least ride down with you?
You have no place in here!
Who's making you smile like that? Oscar?
Oh, uh No.
I mean, the trauma bond is strong,
but I think Oscar and
I are just both waiting
for the "let's just be
friends" text, you know?
Ah, well, yeah.
You know, when you're
in danger, it's all
passion and sex.
But then, when things
settle down, it-it's
hard to know what comes next.
That's why Judi Dench and I lost touch
after that infamous
ride on the Concorde.
That never happened, right?
God, you really get me.
Thank you for coming,
and thanks for making it all about you
when it was a memorial for Bunny.
I was hoping to ask you
more about your painting
and about the artist, Rose Cooper.
Why do I recognize your voice?
Oh, I'm an actor.
I was on that TV show Brazzos.
Yeah, they have that on
at my assisted living.
It's a very good show to
have on in the background
when you're dying.
Can you say that thing?
Oh! Oh.
This sends the investigation
into a whole new direction.
That's really bad.
Excuse me. Uh
So nice chatting with you.
- Okay. Alright. Careful. Watch the
- Got it?
- Shi
- Ursula! Get back!
Okay. Go.
- Oh, you
- Are you kidding me?
Ah Where were you? You
were supposed to be here!
We are here, and now we're stuck here.
Stop thinking about your daddy issues
and get your head back into the game.
Just go back up to the
party and come back down.
I can't go to the party.
The party's over.
Okay, you know, I'm putting
this in the dumpster.
No, that's worth a ton of money!
You can't toss a picture of
my father in the dumpster!
We cannot have this painting!
Nothing ends well if we end up
with the stab lady's painting!
We'll come back for it.
- Go around that way, alright?
- Yeah
And so,
with no idea what happened
to the victim's valuable art,
we went back to motive.
But, motive to do what?
To kill Bunny Folger?
Or to implicate one or all of us
in a murder?
Hi? Alice?
- You made it.
- Hey!
This is nicely glammed
down from the other night.
Oh. Sorry.
Um, yeah, we all work back here. Some
Sometimes, I like to cry
back here because I'm a fraud.
It's a multipurpose space.
Hey, have you heard of an
artist named Rose Cooper?
Of course. Yeah.
Subversive, classical, um
She died mysteriously.
- Mysteriously?
- Yeah.
Is that why you came by?
No. I wanted to see you.
Good. Wanna show you something.
I've been hideously blocked for a year,
stuck in the past, no moving forward.
Do you ever feel that way?
Yeah, all the time.
Hm, stupid question. Of course, you do.
Anyway, then this happened.
Wow. It's beautiful.
I'm glad you like it.
Because it's you.
And I want you to destroy it.
Ooh! Wow!
Looks a lot different
than when I was here last.
Where's the tequila?
Oh, I thought you were kidding.
I only kid when I'm on
the clock. I get paid to kid.
Of course. Yeah.
Well, come on.
I had some very exciting
thoughts about our show.
I see it as a two-hander.
Timothée Chalamet plays me,
you play Mabel, and Charles
- is cut.
- That's interesting.
Because I think it's a one-hander,
all about
Me as Jan. I'm Jan!
Oh, the anti-heroine angle.
Very juicy. Very now.
Exactly! Exactly! I
want to go full prestige.
I've been doing really gritty stuff.
My last project,
I shit myself on a moped while
crashing through a plate-glass window,
and not as a joke.
I see Jan as a doomed romantic,
fixated on finding the kind of passion
that will ultimately destroy her.
I think she was just a bad
cook who could play the bassoon.
I've been practicing.
What is that?
Oh, that?
Hi there.
Can I help you with something?
You were curious about my
painting, and I'd like to know why.
Also, I believe you're the kind of man
who has coconut liqueur.
Thank you so much.
I found it while I was in the dumpster.
- Oh.
- So inspiring.
This is exactly what I want the
Jan-Charles sex scene to look like.
Kind of reminds me of Brazzos.
You think Charles will play himself?
You see, I'm not sure
this painting is you.
You don't think it's elegant?
Do you know what it is? I
just think it has a bad energy.
Can't you feel it?
Let me take it out for you.
Hey, Putnam?
Never touch my dumpster art.
I'll remember that.
I had a thought about a video
series on art as therapy.
I can tell you're not the type of person
to get through something by meditating.
You need something more visceral.
- I don't know
- I can give you the footage.
It really helps some
people to rewatch it.
Trust me.
Close your eyes for a moment.
I want you to think of what
you've been forced to carry.
No fault of your own.
Think of all the ways
you've been misunderstood,
over and over
and over for years.
Even today.
May I?
I'll give you some space.
Okay, can we get
back to the TV idea?
Unless you're not into it.
- Oh no, I'm into it.
I-I-I'm ahead of you on it.
Not bad.
Okay, now what do you want
to know about my painting?
One last thing.
My pesky lawyers tell me I
can't make deals with murderers.
Again. So,
obviously, you'll all
need to clear your names,
so we can move forward.
Oh, get it.
Currently, there is nothing
tying any of us to Bunny's murder.
Perfect! Me neither.
So, just find the killer,
and let's get started.
You really did that.
I actually meant for you to
metaphorically destroy it.
I'm kidding.
Your face. Oh
I feel better.
I feel better, too.
You said you bought the
painting from the artist.
So, you knew Rose Cooper?
Well, I happened to meet her.
She was desperate to
get away from a man,
and she didn't have any money.
So, I bought her painting.
Then, soon after that, she went missing.
And then soon after
that, they declared her
How did she die?
Now, that's the question.
The mystery of her death
caused the value of her work
to go through the roof.
Now, then, of course,
that's the lot of a woman.
In order to be recognized,
you have to disappear.
Mrs. Folger
Did Rose happen to live
across the street from here?
Mm-hmm. She did.
Wait here. Read your book.
I'll be back in an
hour after my audition,
then we'll go to Nathan's
and get a hot dog. Okay?
- Okay.
- Joe will look after you.
Thanks, Joe.
Dad! Your play!
Oh! Right.
Are you alright?
Hey. I found out something
about that Rose Cooper painting.
My painting?
Okay, Amy Schumer has Bunny's painting.
She's gonna look like the killer
Oh, hello.
Do I smell coconut?
Amy Schumer is not a thief or a killer!
- She just found it in the dumpster.
- We can get it back,
but we have to take the lead here.
Amy! Uh, these are my friends
Charles-Haden Savage.
I had a poster of you on my ceiling.
The shirtless one on
the bearskin rug? Oh
I wanted chest hair because of you.
And she got it, too.
As a little girl, I would
practice my signature
"Amy Schumer Savage." A-S-S.
Oh. Thank you?
I'm Mabel.
- Okay.
- A-and this is
You have my painting.
Oh my God, look at this. Oh, this is it!
This is it! Oh my
No, I've been away from you too long.
This is all super weird for me.
You wanna just
give me Charles' number
Okay, you need to calm down.
- This isn't it.
- What?
No. The canvas was torn in the back,
and the artist was broke, so
she glued over it, and then
This isn't torn. This is
This is a reproduction.
- This is all a mistake.
- Okay,
I don't care about any of this.
I just wanted this naked
painting of Charles
- This isn't me.
- Then I don't want it!
Get it out of my Sting's apartment!
- Well, I'll take it then.
- God,
some rando's balls on my wall. Ugh.
- Hey, um, so?
- Uh, yes? Uh-huh?
Was I believable?
- As?
- Jan.
Oh, thank God! You were in character.
- So you're not insane.
- No. Not at all.
Well, I-I should be going.
Okay. So, is there a
single thing from today
that we can use in the podcast
that won't put us in prison?
Well, we know that Bunny
definitely had the original,
but why would she have a replica made?
Or did the killer have it made
to frame us?
Probably Charles.
So, I took a closer
look at Bunny's will.
There's something she
wanted you to have.
No. Absolutely not.
I don't think you want to
disrespect the wishes of the person
people think you murdered.
Her life expectancy is 80 years.
Even in death,
Bunny figures out a way
to give you the bird.
Oh, that's a good line.
I wish I was recording.
I was!
Oh, God. Please don't tell
me I'm turning into you.
Give me kissy.
Dad? Dad!
- It's okay, buddy!
- What's happening?
- Come on, that's my son!
- Dad!
Wait, Dad
Dad. Dad. No.
No, Dad
Mrs. Folger! Before you go
Oh God, not now.
- I'm not good at this hour.
- I-I just
I think my father is in that painting.
Well, of course, he is.
You knew?
Well, I-I'm not blind. Well
I am blind, but I'm not that blind.
I was having an affair
with your father for years.
I thought Rose Cooper was.
- She was, too.
- You're telling me
my father was working
both sides of the street?
So what is so hard to follow here?
I don't I don't do well
at this hour. I just
No wonder my father brought
me here all the time.
What happened to him?
My dad? Uh
Nothing good.
Drinking, uh, jail.
And he died while I was young.
I'm so sorry. I'm
I'm sorry.
Mrs. Folger, what about your painting?
I have a feeling that
you'll be looking for me.
It's strange returning to a place
where you have so much history.
What once was a place
of joy is now haunted.
Or maybe it was always haunted.
You just can't see the ghosts
until you're close
to being one yourself.
There you are. Are you okay?
I-I was just on the street, having
my mind blown by Leonora Folger.
Do I want to ask?
Apparently, my father
was having an affair
with Rose Cooper and
Mrs. Folger. Which
Wait, does that mean
could Bunny be my sister?
What's Mrs. Gambolini doing here?
- Isn't this fun?
- Eat shit.
Maybe I can donate her
to, like, an orphanage.
I'm not so sure she
should be around children.
I know who did it.
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