Only Murders in the Building (2021) s03e07 Episode Script



This is Dickie.
He's not just my manager,
he's also my brother.
- Hands up!
- I didn't do anything.
I think the police have the wrong guy.
If Gregg had Ben's handkerchief,
then whose handkerchief was
Ben holding when he died?
Only two other men
have seen this before.
- Did you record with him for our podcast?
- No!
CHARLES: We just have to be careful
who we get involved with.
- OLIVER: That phrase you used. "Fucking pig."
I did call him that.
Loretta hated Ben. She
was violent towards Ben.
Does that make her a murderer
or just quirky?
Oliver, what the fuck are you doing!?
You keep trying to throw
suspicion onto my cast.
In a few weeks, I finally get what
I've been working for my whole life!
Your show is a death trap!
Well, maybe I should have hired
someone who could actually sing!
- I quit!
- And I'm gonna figure out who did it,
whether the two of you give
a shit or not! I'm done!
UMA: Believe it or not, I love people.
- Some people.
- Oh, wait.
- I have something to show you.
- UMA: What?
Oh, you didn't.
- I did!
- Don't tell Oy
- Every schmuck is getting one.
I don't even know what they are.
I just don't always trust them.
- Ooh!
- Thank you.
WAITER: Enjoy.

They have a bad habit of leaving.
LESTER: Hey, Uma, new haircut?
Keep it in your pants, perv.
Things, though.
- Things I trust.
- Things are made to last.
From place to place.
- From generation to generation.

- It's why I take stuff and keep it,
so the people can stay with me.
If that makes me a klepto, so be it.
Because when the people we love are gone
and memories fade,
what the hell else keeps them alive?
You gotta be fuckin' kidding me.
- CHEF: Order up!
Sit by the aisle.
Makes the table seem smaller.
Thank you.
Don't even think about it.
I wasn't. I'm reading. By myself.
Catching up on my reading.
Bunny and I always used to split it.
We came here every week,
until you idiots killed her.
We didn't kill Bunny.
Pretty jumpy for someone who
didn't kill my best friend.
So where are your
friends? Murder them, too?
So, what happened with you guys, anyway?
I quit the musical.
Ha! You got shit -canned!
It was ruining my life.
My engagement, my sanity,
my relationship with President McKinley.
President McKinley is a fish.
The suspense was killing me.
You know, a real friend would've cared,
but Oliver only cares about his show.
I'm sorry to hear that.
It's tough to lose friends at our age.
Oh, I'm sure it is at your age.
But at mine?
Besides, I didn't lose
them. They'll be back.
Well, good thing you've
got plenty of time to wait.
At your age.
I always used to say there
were three types of people.
Alive, dead, and dead to me.
Bunny was dead to me a lot.
Not once did she
apologize when we fought.
So, what, you apologized?
Me? Fuck no! What did I do?
Time passes, you forget
what you're fighting about.
[SIGHS] Thank God she wasn't
dead to me when she actually died.
Oliver and Mabel aren't gonna die.
In fact, any second now, they're
gonna reach out and apologize.
Ha, ha!
- Hey!
Yes, this is he.
I thought I was already a
friend of the Philharmonic.
I'm sorry, this is
this is a bad time.
They'll call.
Thanks for breakfast.
Hey! Is that
Oh. Well, he wasn't gonna use it.
He? Is that the hanky Ben was
holding the night that he

- Geez, how much did you order?
- I got lunch and dinner.
Thanks again for helping.
Yeah, well
I've been too obsessed with
How do you sign "murder"?
I don't need them.
I'm the only one that
cares about this case.
I just
I just need to talk to someone
who can help me get
closer to what happened.

Do you know Dickie?
- [SINGING SLOWLY] Which of the ♪
Pickwick ♪
Tri ♪
Plets ♪
It's a patter song.
So if you can bring a
little more patter-pep-up.
This is as pattery as I get.
Okay, thank you! Thanks.
[CHUCKLES] We'll let you know.
Everyone stinks!
Where are the decent actors?
Why are they being kept from me?
I feel like we're working off old lists!
Like ancient crusty lists!
Cliff, darling, please!
You know how upsetting it is
for me when you stress dance!
It's these ping-ponging
pressures of producing!
How do you do it? If it's not
one thing, it's a goddamn other,
and sometimes I feel like
I don't have a single good
Oh, wait. I have an idea.
But run it by Mommy first
in case it's a stinker.
I'm gonna go make a call.
Oliver, we had someone
decent playing the constable,
and I know you two had a spat, but
I am not calling Charles, Donna!
He quit.
And I have far too much
integrity to beg him to come back.
Counterpoint, you have no integrity,
and this is the perfect
time to make use of that.
Well, that's a fair counterpoint.
We're almost to reopening.
It's time to pull out all the stops!
Cliff and I have been out
there, trying to rev people up
about this mad genius
musical redo of yours,
but they do ask who's in it.
And Charles was our only name.
That's being generous.
Look, look.
Charles was wrong for
the part. End of story.
I mean, did he have a certain
Ebenezer's younger cousin affability?
Was he good for the odd laugh?
Maybe. We had fun.
But this isn't about fun.
Charles was not committed to our show
and I will take passion
over talent any day.
So, come on, who's next?
- Who's this guy?
Who? Who? Who? Well ♪
I pick ♪
[OFF-KEY] You! ♪
Uh, sorry, is he okay?
That's what he does when he loves it.
Thank you for coming in.
My guy came through.
I knew it!
My guy is on his way!
[GRUNTS] Who is your guy?
The ringer from your middle school play?
Some less famous
offspring of Marc Platt?

Sweet mother of Sondheim!
Which triplet ♪
Oh, good luck, man.
That Putnam guy's a monster.
Oliver? He's no
He's already recasting?
Which of the Pickwick
triplets did it? ♪
Which of the spawn
had the brawn to kill? ♪
Will a baby get tried for matricide? ♪
Coochie-coochie-coo, time for
you and you and you to admit it ♪
So, quick as a whip, gotta pick ♪
Which Pickwick triplet did it ♪
Ah! Matthew Broderick! [CLIFF LAUGHING]
I've had sex dreams about this moment!
How did you already nail that song?
What can I say? I'm a vessel.
Yes! Say more! Or less. Or just
keep standing there
so I can soak this in!
Matthew Broderick, Broadway legend!
I-I can't believe you're
gonna be in my show.
Cliff, how did you pull this off?
Oh, MB and I met years ago
while sheltering
during Superstorm Sandy.
- MATTHEW: Scary time.
Two weeks at the Ritz Carlton,
- almost no room service.
- Ugh.
But we survived and now
we're friends for life.
When Cliff called, I
just dropped everything.
Nice work, sweetie.
And Matthew Matthew!
Well, this is what we needed all along.
A true stage veteran.
Enough with these fussy film
and TV franchise phony-baloneys.
- Charles-Haden Savage?
- Exactly.
No, I mean Charles-Haden Savage.
- Oh, Charles!
I see you lurking in that way you do,
making sure everyone knows you're here.
[LAUGHS] No, no.
Uh, Lester wanted to check all
the doorbells in the building,
and I wasn't doing anything.
I told him I'd do it for him.
And this one, this one's working.
Oh, well, then you can move along now.
Unless you'd like to
meet your replacement.
Oh, no, no, we know each other.
Yes, we do.
This is not the first
time Matthew has swooped in
- and stolen a role from me.
- For the millionth time,
you would not have been
a good Ferris Bueller.
You were 41.
Can we get back to work,
please? I'm not sure
- that I've totally got this song.
- Oh, oh, oh.
Which of the Pickwick
triplets did it? ♪
Who of the crew would
commit this crime? ♪
Might a little brat
make a mommy go splat? ♪
It's a story pretty
gory for a nursery rhyme ♪
Oh, I do. I have it. I got it.
Yeah, he's got it.

- Charles
- MATTHEW: Oliver.
Oliver, I'd really
like to try one of those
blue raspberry Gut Milks
I saw in your fridge.
- Split one with me?
- Oh, sure. Yeah.
People really love this
dumb superhero movie.
Isn't it just a snake that fights crime?
Shedding labels?
[LAUGHS] Okay, I understood
maybe half of what you said,
but it is clear that
you are a giant nerd.
Mabel, right? Oliver's friend.
Didn't peg you as a CoBro fan.
Oh. [SCOFFS] Yeah, huge.
I just love how it's about
shedding labels. Mm.
- DICKIE: Wow, that's insightful.
- MABEL: Mm.
Which of the movies is your favorite?
Uh CoBro 2?
The Return of
the Whip Lord.
- Yeah. That's a good one.
- Yeah.
Hasn't aged real well, though,
because of the, you know
- Right, the [LAUGHING]
- Jamaican accents, I know.
No, the special effects.
Oh, I, um [SCOFFS]
Special effects.
I, uh
I just wanted to ask you
something, if that's okay.
Right before Ben died,
you said he had to take a phone call,
and it seemed serious.
Was that the cops or his doctor?
Because Ben's autopsy said
his blood work was clean,
- but I started thinking
- I'm gonna stop you there.
If you came looking for a
juicy nugget for your podcast
or maybe a story to
sell to the Daily Mail,
you can try somewhere else.
I'm not your guy.
- I-I'm sorry, I didn't
- God, even after he's dead,
everyone's just trying to
make a buck off my brother.
It's fucking gross.
But I guess that's the world we live in.
Hey, excuse me, there's a
minimum bid on this of 5K!
Burt Reynolds was there, Dom DeLuise,
- who has a wonderful voice.
- Oh, my God.
And I told Mel Brooks, "Well,
what if it was a musical?"
[GASPS] You know, I
I don't normally enjoy a name drop,
but that was delightful.
Oliver, I should warn you.
When I commit to a show, I commit fully.
Oh, I love it.
You would be surprised how often
people are half in, half out.
[MOCKING] "Oh, Oliver, my kids need me."
"Oh, Oliver, my girlfriend left me.
I only have a little fishy left,
and I'm afraid of being alone."
[NORMAL] I mean, this is the
theater. What else even is there?
I agree, totally.
So, I-I think I
understand the Constable,
but I'm gonna need your
help to become the Constable.
It's part of my process.
When I did War Games, I
taught myself to write code.
- Incredible.
- For my role in Election,
I started teaching high school
and dating some students.
If the constable has a lisp
[LISPING] I have a lisp.
[NORMAL] If he carries
a gun, I carry a gun.
Can you get me a gun?
Anything you want. When
you come back tomorrow,
this is gonna look like
Charlton Heston's man-cave.
Tomorrow? Opening night is in two
weeks. We have to rehearse now.
Ferris Bueller may take a day
off, but Matthew Broderick?
Matthew Broderick does not.
Music to my ears, MB!

Pick from the Pickwick pricky pricky ♪
Who? Who? Who? ♪
Well, I pick ♪
You! ♪
38th time's the charm. Don't
do it any better than that.
People might think it's an AI.
Thanks. Thanks, Oliver. Yeah.
Yeah. I feel pretty good about it.
Yeah, c-can't wait to
do it all again tomorrow.
So, Oliver, where's he from?
Where's he from
originally, this Constable?
Oh, he's just He's
from where you're from,
- so we don't have to change anything else.
- He's from Manhattan?
Well, slap my ass and call me Mamie!
This changes his entire
relationship to his profession.
It No. Does it really?
A kid from Manhattan in the 1890s.
The city roils with ethnic tension.
Irishmen, Prussians.
The era of the bicycle craze,
the horse-drawn trolley.
- Yeah, this calls for some rethinking.
- No, no, no, it really doesn't. It
Uh, back to the piano, please.
[OPERATIC] Three little
babes in their bassinets ♪
Let's see.
Three little babes ♪
I just wanted to say I'm so sorry.
I've lost people, too.
It's okay.
I shouldn't have taken
it all out on you.
Taken what out on me?
Just frustration.
My brother has always been my business.
My folks adopted me when they
thought they couldn't have kids,
but then they had Ben.
Miracle Ben, child star Ben.
So, I spent my life protecting him.
A guy who, by the way, was
always fucking up, you know?
Insensitive jokes,
DUIs Oh, the dick pics.
The thousands of dick pics.
I never read anything about the
That's 'cause I was there,
cleaning up the mess,
making him look good.
But he still gets all
the credit. [CHUCKLES]
For everything.
Story of our lives.
The fame, the CoBro franchise, the
Sorry, I'm, uh
Sounds like he was really difficult.
Uh, yeah.
But, you know,
sometimes I think a person's just a
collection of a thousand little details.
And when they're gone,
those are the things you miss most.
Ben loved boba,
that disgusting green tea flavor, and
and funny dog videos
on Instagram. [LAUGHS]
He set all his clocks 20 minutes early
so he'd always be fashionably late.
I'm sorry Ben is gone.
But I think we owe it to your
brother to find his real killer.
We did.
That's the only silver lining,
that maniac's locked up.
I guess I never bought
that Gregg was a killer.
Didn't he chain you and
Charles-Haden Savage up in a basement?
Yeah, but I can't
picture him hurting Ben.
I mean, he loved him. And I
have this theory about a hanky
A hanky? Jesus,
Gregg had been following
my brother around for years.
I should have sensed
he might turn dangerous,
and when I took my eye off
the ball for one second,
he killed my brother.
I have to live with that
for the rest of my life.
Gregg was here the night of the murder.
The cops say Ben died at 12:06
and Gregg was seen leaving
the Arconia right after that.
You do the math. I'm sorry, Mabel.
There's no story here.

UMA: What, I have to adopt you now?
I know why you're
here. You can't have it.
Look, I know you wanna keep
Ben's hanky but it's a clue,
which makes it the perfect peace
offering for Oliver and Mabel.
I thought you were waiting
for them to apologize.
I don't think I can afford to.
I mean, what if I never hear another
millennial reference that I don't get,
or another story about dark nights
at Plato's Retreat with Buck Henry?
That doesn't sound so bad.
That's what I used to think,
but I need to make up with them.
So you're gonna let a
hanky solve your problems?
Use your fuckin' words! [KEYS JINGLING]
Look, even if I wanted to help,
which I sincerely do not,
I don't have it, okay?
Uh -huh, I saw it in your purse.
That was three hours ago.
I got some moron to pay
me seven grand for it.
Snooze you lose!
What, you sold it? But I need it!
Mabel thinks it may belong to the
killer Who'd you sell it to?
One of those snake dorks upstairs.
Whatever happened to real men?
- [QUIETLY] Mel.
When you were putting
together The Producers,
which, you know, I-I never
did get a chance to see
What? You never saw The Producers?
Well, I was busy at the time.
It ran for six years!
Over 2,500 performances!
And you never got a chance to see it?
Yeah, well, the times never
worked out for me. Anyway,
did you have any problems
working with Broderick?
You know, I-I'm working with
him on something now, and
Oh, my God. You didn't
tell him, in any way,
you were open to his ideas, did you?
Well, I-I-I might have
told him he could
Oh, Oliver. You're fucked.

Gregg wasn't here.
Gregg wasn't in the building
when Ben was murdered.
The police said Ben died at 12:06,
but that's because it was
the time on Ben's watch
when he fell and it stopped.
Dickie said Ben always set
his watch 20 minutes early,
which means he died at 12:26!
Gregg was already gone!
He couldn't have pushed Ben!
Oh, ha, ha.
The watch? I knew Ben was always late,
but I never knew it was intentional.
I just thought he was a dick.
Yeah. Some pretty fancy
equipment you have there.
Cinda Canning's not
the only one with access
- to top-notch equipment.
When Ben Glenroy died,
Broadway was thrown into chaos.
We'll lift the curtain
on Ben's final act
this season on Only Murde
Guess we're gonna have
to change the name.
I am way ahead of you on that.
The Bloody Mabel Podcast.
Huh? I think it's sexy.
- Puts you front and center, which is nice
- No!
I mean, it's a terrible
idea, but I just thought
- Probably a fan submission.
Oh! Uh, Tobert, Theo. Theo, Tobert.
Hey, man. Nice to meet you.
Oh, wow, you're the guy from
Wow, you're an interesting guy.
Mabel's told me a lot about you.
Well, I mean, from listening
to the [CLEARS THROAT] podcast.
I mean, I-I'm a fan, is what
I'm saying, so I picked up on
What's that?
He said he liked your poster.
Really captured my eyes.
What's up with the flyer?
Oh, B. Glenroy. It's Ben Glenroy.

What, the B is an R? What
Yeah, R. Sometimes,
- a man's name actually starts with an R.
Okay, so, it's an R.
For what, like Richard
D-Dickie. Dickie.
"Story of our lives."
Dickie said Ben always got the credit.
And the fame. And the CoBro franchise.
I didn't think anything
of it then, but
Okay, so, what, CoBro was
Dickie's creation, and
Ben just stole it and
made millions off of it?
All the while, Dickie's
doing everything for him?
Damn, that's cold.
That's motive.
TOBERT: And, just to be clear,
our theory rests entirely
on this B being an R?
We once accused Sting of murder
because he doesn't like dogs.
This is actually pretty
solid evidence for us.
Let's do some digging.
But, first things first, let's record.
- Yes.
- And get you out.
Come on.
[SNIFFLES] and turn,
twist, ha Wait a minute.
Half turn, twist, "I pick you."
constable from Nova Scotia
point like this, though?
From my research, they were
trained to keep their hands low,
by their firearms.
So they would point like
this. Never like this.
But this.
I don't know, this feels so false.
- Go home!
- Excuse me?
Go home.
I've had enough of your inane
questions, Matthew Broderick.
Nobody cares what
denomination the Constable is
or how he'd finger a mandolin.
The Constable is just the Constable.
His parents didn't name him "Rocky"
or "Lawrence" or "Bernardo."
- You know why?
- Why?
Because he doesn't have any parents!
He's just six grams of ink on paper!
A few electrons in my hard disk!
That's it! I could wake up tomorrow,
and I could hit the
delete key, and poof!
He'd be gone. Eradicated
from this musical.
Exiled from our reality!
Gone! Like a rat in a microwave!
Wow. Oh, okay. Well, see you
tomorrow morning, 6:00 AM,
Nova Scotia time!
I'm not lurking. Uh, Lester
wanted to inspect the peepholes
because, evidently, some of them
had been installed backwards,
so I said, "Well, I'll
do it," and he said,
"You know, the good time is 2:00 AM,"
so I I'm lying. I
just wanted to say
I'm sorry.
Oh, apology accepted.
Friendship mended. You're hired.
No, no! I don't wanna do the
show. I just wanna hang out.
Of course! We'll do that all the time.
Eight shows a week. And
Broderick, you're fired.
Wait a minute! Wait, this guy? I've
seen him get out-acted by a horse.
Maybe he was.
But I'm guessing that horse
enjoyed himself on set that day
because he got to spend it
with Charles-Haden Savage,
who was probably kind to him
and fed him a fistful
of oats out of his palm.
And I bet that horse didn't
realize how good he had it
until he had another scene
partner on another set,
who just rode him! And rode
him! And rode him! And rode him!
And rode him! And
rode him! And rode him!
Until he couldn't take
it anymore! [PANTING]
And I bet that horse wishes he
could say sorry, but he can't.
Not because he's a horse.
Because he's a little
messed up emotionally,
so all he can do is hate
himself, a-a-and wish he were dead
for hurting his best friend
and that someone would
turn him into glue.
- Apology accepted.
Okay! Okay, I'll do the play!
By the way, that horse
won a Patsy for that scene.
What's a Patsy?
It's an Emmy for horses!
You're still here?
It's over.
- Go home.

You know, if you have any
adjustments, I'm very flexible.
And I've always found
it's best to be hon
I bet you would have
made a much better Ferris.
Do you mean that?
Oh, I want to.
But he's perfect.
It's a bit more than just a mic, huh?
Uh, in terms of software, do you
remember what Oliver was using?
You know what? Don't
even worry about it.
Should be pretty straightforward.
Uh, oh! Do you have a
new name for the podcast?
I can punch that in right now.
You know what? Uh,
I think I'm just gonna
record this on my phone, okay?
Oh, sure.
MABEL: Thank you.
You solved three murders that way,
as you're fond of reminding me.

Uma! That sneaky devil nymph!
Took that hanky right
out of Ben's dead hands.
How did we miss that?
Well, you and Mabel were in hysteria.
I've never seen anything like it.
But, me? How did I miss it?
Mm. [CHUCKLES] Have you talked to her?
Mabel? No.
- I tried calling.
- Really?
No! She'd hate that.
But I did draft a text. Uh, ended up
deleting most of it, a-and then
I accidentally sent her a comma.
Haven't heard back.
I really messed up with her.
What the kids would call an epic fail.
Why did you erase that mirror?
I need to show you something.
I took this from Loretta's apartment.
What do you think?
- I don't think she did it.
- Oh, my God, that means she's a killer.
- Why?
- Oh, please, Charles.
It's not like your instincts on
these things are famously good.
I'm not saying it's not weird.
It's just not evidence of murder.
Hey, if you're worried, why
don't you just talk to Loretta?
I wish I'd just talked to Joy.
- Hm
- Hey
What if we took this
and gave it to Mabel
as a peace offering?
Win her back with a clue.
Or we could just suck
it up and apologize.
Clue first, and then
if that doesn't work,
then we grovel.

- I believe it was Erasmus of Rotterdam
- Mabel, I am sorry for the way Charles
- and, to some extent, I behaved. You know
- who described apologies as
- WOMAN: Are you the movers?
- Movers?
- [SIGHS] I'm not paying to un
-fuck your hernias.

- What?
- Huh?
fateful night, four weeks ago,
Hollywood superstar
Ben Glenroy died. Twice.
I'll explain that and how
the mystery of his murder
is even more complicated than
we've been led to believe.
rush to keep the public calm,
the police arrested Ben's
longtime stalker Gregg Rivera.
But Gregg wasn't even in the building
when Ben was pushed
down that elevator shaft.
I believe whoever was in
the building that night
was also with Ben hours earlier,
when they tried to poison him
just moments before his Broadway debut.
So, who did kill Ben Glenroy?
Maybe it was someone who had a reason.
Money? Jealousy? Something to prove?
Maybe all of the above.
I'm Mabel Mora.
Join me, flying solo this time,
in the search for answers
on a new season of Only
Murders in the Building.
Yeah, I heard it.
You were right. They're
a major pain in the ass.
And it's time to
reopen the Glenroy case.


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