Our Flag Means Death (2022) s02e02 Episode Script

Red Flags

("ETUDE NO. 1, OP. 25"
Look at that. You wear fine things well.
Run from me, darlin' ♪
Run, my good wife ♪
Run from me, darlin' ♪
You better run for your life ♪
Run from me, baby ♪
- Run, my good wife ♪
Run from me, baby ♪
You better run for your life ♪
- AUNTIE: Mornin' time!
Mornin' time!
- That is irritating.
- Oh, I was out.
The best night's sleep I've
had in ages, if I'm honest.
Aye. The sea is a
medicine of the gods, eh?
ZHENG YI SAO: Good morning, my friends!
- OLUWANDE: Hey, it's Zheng.
- ZHENG'S CREW: Good morning!
Did we all have a restful sleep?
Oh, excellent. So did I.
The sea's restorative, isn't it?
Yes, Queen! I've always said so!
Oh, that guy knows.
Why are some people calling her "queen"?
Uh, apparently, she
conquered some place called
- China?
- China.
Please, welcome your new crewmates
aboard the "Red Flag."
Lovely to be here.
Thank you. Yeah.
Shame about the wake-up.
Is that every morning, the bell?
ZHENG: You'll find that
we have a specific way
of doing things on this ship.
Our way of life focuses
on unity, cohesion,
mutual support, and balance.
Historically, men have
a harder time fitting in here.
But we decided to take a
chance on you because
How should I put this? Your energy is
- Tender?
- Mm. We're tender as hell.
- (SIGHS) Um, um,
- I was gonna say, um
- Weak.
- Soft.
- STEDE: Mm!
- No offense.
- Oh, none taken. (CHUCKLES)
There is one other man on board.
Rat Boy! Come!
- The fit on these is lovely.
What's new, Queen?
- Oh God.
- LUCIUS: Oh, my God.
(SCREAMS) Oh, my God! You guys!
Oh, my God.
Men are so fucking emotional.

I thought you died!
I know. I think a lot of people did.
And now you have a, a beard?
Do ya hate it?
I love it.
I love all of it.
Rat Boy. What's that about?
Oh, um, (SIGHS) I'm
trying to think about this,
um, I think it's like, um,
it's like a lunar calendar
thing or s or some
What exactly happened to you, Lucius?
I was
I fell off the ship.
That doesn't sound like you.
You have impeccable balance, babe.
AUNTIE: Attention!
Right. Armament. Kitchen.
Tailors duty.
Towels. You go with Rat Boy.
(SOFTLY) Fuck.
Towels? Wh-What is this? Are these jobs?
What's happening?
- Lucius? I'm overqualified for towels.
Sea witch.
(SIGHS) I have looked
for you far and wide.
But then you probably know that.
Best not assume we
know anythin' at all, Mum.
(WHISPERS) Be gone, wise
demon. Await for me above.
Aye, aye, Mum.
FRENCHIE: Captain?
- Captain Oh!
- Hey, there he is!
Here I am. You're looking chipper.
Thank you. Feel like a
million bucks, actually.
Yeah, I had a very
rough night last night.
But I think I got all the
poison out of my system.
It's a new day. No more
booze, no more drugs.
- And more importantly, no more Izzy.
- Nope.
Nope. You did kill him, didn't ya?
Certainly did. Ages ago.
- Good.
- Thank you.
It's a nasty business, I know it.
But that's the code of
the sea: the new first mate
always kills the old first mate.
It's always been like that.
It's about trust. Trust is so important.
Oh, yeah. Trust is king and queen.
- Trust is everything.
- Hm.
Well, better go and do the rounds.
Make sure everything's
ship-shape. (CLEARS THROAT)
Hey, Frenchie.
Yes, Captain.
I expect great things from you.
(SCREAMS) Kill me, you fucking cowards!
- Lord above he smells somethin' terrible!
Yeah, his, his leg's rotting!
It needs to be cut off.
We just had him asleep.
You're freakin' him out.
(SCREAMS) Kill me
Alright. Just listen,
listen, listen, listen.
Start with his leg, see where it goes.
- ARCHIE: Okay.
JIM: I've never done
this before. Which one?
Oh, definitely the fucked-up one.
I think that one's all right.
I'm not a fucking idiot. Which one?
Um, dealer's choice.
- Yeah. Alright.
- Alright, um
- Uno, dos
- Tres.
Oh, he's a gusher! He's a gusher!
- Oh, that is a lot of blood.
- Aye, aye, aye!
STEDE: And of course, we haven't seen
- each other in ages.
- CREW: Aww.
I know. It's terrible.
So I'm using this long list of crimes
and dramatic upsets
to basically triangulate
where he's most likely to be.
Ooh, hang on. He might be in Cuba!
Maggie, Jane, Tiff.
Give us the room.
- Is that Cuba?
So hard to tell.
I mean, I've drawn it myself.
Ah, Lucius, look.
They drew him to look like a ghoul.
Are you even gonna ask how I am?
- Oh, how are you?
- Fuck you!
That's how I am.
What's gotten into you?
I didn't fall off "The Revenge."
He pushed me.
Ed pushed you? Why would he do that?
You broke him when you left,
and then he broke me.
Everything that's happened to me since
has been your fault!
Uh, wait! Lucius.
Come on. W-Where are you going?
Oh, yeah. Now you care?
I see you've adopted the form
of a humble man, sea witch.
I've an offering for you:
a spell book on therianthropy.
The ability to transmogrify
betwixt human and non-human forms.
Take it, thou demon.
Use it wisely. Bless our travels.
Oh, aye.
Ohh, aye.
(GRUNTS) Right. What have we here?
- Whoa Lord above.
- Hey.
Was someone injured?
No No, just
assembling the first aid kit,
in case, in c-c-c
in case of anything.
- Quick question.
- Fire away. Not literally, I hope.
How'd you kill Izzy?
Slit his throat. (WHISTLES) Classic.
Now (EXHALES) you're
left-handed, aren't you?
- You just used your right.
- Did I?
- Mm.
- Must've got mixed up.
Ya know, bit, bit, bit, bit of panto
for the Captain. (CHUCKLES)
- I'm curious.
- Okay.
Do you think I wouldn't know the smell
of my rotting former first mate?
- ARCHIE: That is one stank-ass leg,
done and dusted.
We did it! He'll live?
Uh eh, 50/50 I reckon.
Yeah, he's very, um, still right now.
Uh-huh. (EXHALES)
What's your interest in this guy anyway?
He seems like a bit of a dick.
Uh, he is
but he's our dick.
There was a time when life
meant something on this ship.
When we lived for each other.
Not just to survive.
Guess you never know when you're
in the middle of the good old days.
What was that for?
You have hope. (CHUCKLES) It's cute.
Oh, plus, I I really like
that story that you told
about the wooden demon
boy that thirsted for life.
Or was it blood? No, I
was cleaning up the blood
- Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho.
What have we got here. Hm?
- Hey, no one told me this room existed.
Leave me, all of you.
Take the fuckin' leg.
He was your friend.

I know what you're doing.
What am I doing? I just need someone
to clean my office and do some filing.
You don't need this kind of distraction.
- He doesn't even know what filing is.
- Of course, he does.
Shht! How are you filing those?
Oh, I'm kind of sortin' them by weight.
Now, I could do it
by width if, if you wanted.
Or I could even open it up
and, and, and do it like that.
N The main thing is off the floor.
You're doin' great.
(CHUCKLES) Thanks.
- I had a system.
- (WHISPERS) What was your system?
(WHISPERS) Uh, well,
you wouldn't understand
because it was ahead of its time.
What have you done?
Oh Yeah, I thought
I'd tidy that up a bit.
You know, the little ships
were all over the place,
and some of them were over land.
- It was just messy
- Silence!
Each of these ships was placed on
a particular coordinate
and moved daily based on the current,
weather patterns, and wind speed.
- Fuck.
- Mm.
Well, let me fix it
because I remember
- (SHOUTS) Back
- Or not.
- away.
- Why don't we get some air?
I mean, I thought I did it
in the right colors and stuff.
I'm so sorry about the big board.
- Your aunt seemed proper pissed.
- Oh, ignore that.
Pissed is her natural
Yeah, but I think she has a right,
you know, to pull the knife.
I have no business filin' scrolls.
I mean, you conquered Chee-na.
- China.
- Chi Shit.
China. China. China. China. China.
S I can't even get that right.
I mean (SIGHS) you
can't file to save your life.
And I'm pretty sure
you broke the abacus.
Yeah, I fucked that up.
But you're calm,
and you're smart, and
I actually I I really liked it
when you would visit the soup stand.
Did you?
I mean, it was work,
but when you showed up,
it it wasn't.
You were kinda
you were kinda like the break in my day.
- I don't know.
I've, I've never been called "the
break" in anyone's day before.

Are you guys tasting this?
This broth, it's, it's beautiful,
complicated, balanced.
It might be the best thing I've ever had.
- We eat
but how often do we taste?
Yeah, the broth's pretty wild.
So wild. It's insane.
Jesus Christ, Stede, keep your pants on.
So, babe, you smoke now?
Do I? Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Um, I must've picked it up
somewhere or something. I don't know.
Ya don't know if ya picked up smokin'?
I used to chew the old tobacco leaf
when I was young and edgy.
- Look at his beard. Mr. Cool.
Isn't this the best ship
you've ever been on?
Being captained by Zheng,
it really makes the shitty,
pathetic, incompetent
captains stand out.
CREW: Ooh!
Okay. U-Uh, wow.
- My spicy little Rat Boy.
- (ANGRILY) Never fuckin' call me that!
God, I'm sorry, I, I
don't know where that
I'm I I'm gonna go
f-f-fix something in towels.
What the hell is going on in towels?
- Morning.
- My leg.
Yeah. Oh, no, that's gone now.
Up in Leg Heaven.
Have you come to take the other one?
I think one's quite enough.
I just popped down
to say a proper goodbye.
I had a dream about you last night.
- Take it.
- Oh, fuck off.
- Fuck off. Fuck off!
- Hold it! Hold it.
I dreamt that ya killed me.
Shot me right through the skull.
Good for you.
It was good for me.
It's just what the doctor ordered.
Anyway, it wasn't even like that.
Not in my dream.
I was standing.
Just like this.
Ohh. (SNIFFLES) Ooh, you scared, Eddie?
Too s Too scared to do it yourself.
Go on. Clean up your own
fuckin' mess. I'm not doin' it.
I've been doin' it all my fuckin' life.
Fuck off.
Farewell, old chum.

I loved you
best I could.
Yeah, sorry. I-I know you said
you're expecting a lot from me,
But, um, do you wanna do this here
or down at the bottom of the ship
'cause I can just jump
over and make it easier.
Listen, if you weren't
such a treacherous liar
I wouldn't have had closure
with Izzy, so I thank you for that.
Yeah, you're welcome. You're welcome.
(CHUCKLES) Take the day off, brother.
- Go live.
- Yeah?
Sure you don't want
me to do any steerings?
Do me good to be at the wheel for a bit.
Clear my head.
CREW: Whoa!
Lucius, I hate seeing you like this.
You can't keep it bottled in.
I get that you're angry,
so be angry at me.
Don't take it out on Pete.
Oh, Stede Bonnet's giving
me relationship advice.
- Yes! He is, actually.
Because he's older than
you, and he knows more.
I've got an ex-wife,
two messed-up kids, probably,
and I hurt Ed so much,
he pushed you off the ship!
Sounds like you're
quite the fuck-up, pal.
Yeah, I am. And I'm alone.
Talk to Pete.
(WHISPERS) Don't be like me.
If I start, I don't know
what's gonna come out.
Look, if you're afraid inside, it's okay.
But I'm not. Just hit me with it.
One doesn't just survive at sea.
- One has to do things.
- Oh.
Horrible things.
Yep. Yeah. I know. I know.
I passed from ship to ship,
and one of them had this
rat terrier named Pepper,
and Pepper was, ya know, a,
a pretty good friend, ya know?
Oh, that's nice. Dogs are nice.
- They ate him!
- Oh, no!
- Yeah. They fuckin' ate him.
- What?!
- Why?!
- I don't know! For a laugh.
And then I had to catch
the rats with my teeth.
They were weirdly finicky about that.
Well, that's why you're called
- Rat Boy!
- Rat Boy!
- Oh, God.
- And then
- Oh, God, you're not gonna believe it.
- You know what?
- Save the rest for Pete
- No, no, listen,
there was this game
called the Human Puppet.
- Save it!
- Stede, the hand went where you think!
Oh, Lucius, please!
I haven't even told you about
the little man who died in my lap.
He wasn't even a child,
he was just a very small man!
Oh, God.
- do we think he's better?
- (WHISPERS) Fuck, no.
(WHISPERS) Well-Well,
I don't know about that.
He seemed pretty calm to me.
He said he just wanted to spend
some more time
with nature.
FRENCHIE: Hey! Do you
want some help, Captain?
- No, I'm good!
- We're sailing into a storm, boss!
(YELLS) Whoa.
Oh, it suddenly looks that way,
doesn't it, brother?
Oh, it's a bad one, too. (LAUGHS)
And some maniac got rid of the wheel.
Holy shit!
Well, that's the Caribbean
for you, isn't it?
Sunshine one minute, cataracts the next!
You'll fucking kill us,
you fuckin' psycho!
Maybe, maybe not!
The odds of surviving a storm
like this are pretty low,
and if I fire one into the mast,
the chance will go right down to zero!
What do you want, pila de mierda?
- What do I want?
I want you to fight her to the death!
- Why?!
- That's a bit misogynistic, man.
- Yeah, probably.
All love dies!
I'm just hastening the process!
Leave it, man, we're not
gonna fight to the death.
That's more like it!
In my experience, it's kind
of how stuff goes, ya know?
- BLACKBEARD: That's the way!
I talked to Pete.
Well, that's wonderful.
Please tell me you held back
on some of the darker stuff.
Yeah. Yeah, he, um, he got nauseous
and he kind of started crying,
and, um, I didn't wanna
take him too far, too fast,
so we took a break.
You should take a close look at those.
Past the clues to finding the
man you love, but, you know,
look at the horrible list of crimes
he's committed, you know.
There are a few beheadings on here,
and it looks like he's
got back into arson,
and just being a bit of a dick.
- And I think I hurt him pretty bad.
- Maybe.
But maybe the time he spent with you
is the best it's ever gonna get for him.
I'm not ready to believe that.
Some people are just broken
no matter what ya do.
Come on! End her! Or I end us all!
It's okay. It's just life.
BLACKBEARD: Come on! Do it!
Not on my life.

- Aw, that's too bad!
You were gonna do it anyway!
I was I was.
- Run ♪
- Run ♪
Run ♪
- Run ♪
Run ♪
Run ♪
Run ♪
Run ♪
Run ♪
Run ♪
Run ♪
Run ♪
You indestructible little fucker!


Zheng's Soldier (SHOUTS): Pull!
- And pull! And pull!
Pull! Steady! Steady!


I will spare his life just this once,
but he is to come
nowhere near the board.
His domain will be the
scrolls, cleaning the dishes,
and collecting random hairs
from around your desk.
There's not that many hairs.
Queen, urgent carrier bird
requesting your presence.
Okay, I should take this.
- What's the message?
- (WHISPERS) Oh, there's no message,
I just thought you could use a break.
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