Package Deal (2013) s01e06 Episode Script

Danny Escapes to Prison

So I was thinking.
Maybe I could barbecue some of my salt-rubbed ribs, or, if you'd prefer, my steak-and-pepper chili.
Ribs sound good.
So you don't like my chili? How long have you been sitting on that one? Who cares what we eat? We're watching the fight.
Let's get pizza.
All right.
It's a lot of trouble, but fine.
I'll make pizza.
Hold on, guys.
Hey! You're not gonna believe this.
I finally got us reservations at that new restaurant, noir.
Is that place where you eat in total darkness? Yeah.
They say your sense of taste.
Is heightened when you can't see.
I have brothers.
I learned at a young age.
Not to open my mouth with my eyes closed.
The place is packed every night! Yeah.
Or it's empty and no one knows.
Because it's dark in there.
Come on, it's gonna be fun.
I'll pick you up at 8:00.
W tonight? I didn't know we had plans.
It's Saturday night, Danny.
That's date-night.
We have plans for the rest of our relationship.
Of course.
Um, hold on one sec.
Sorry, guys, I got plans with Kim tonight.
But it's Saturday night.
That's guys' night! How clueless are you? Apparently, it's a given when you're dating.
Says who? Alison and I were together five years.
I never saw her Saturday night.
She called it "Alison Night,".
Which, as it turns out, was really "Robert's Night".
We're your brothers! Why do we always get your off-peak hours? That's not true.
Look, I'm wide-open Monday night.
Monday? What kind of half-assed night is that? Monday is cousin night, at best.
All right.
I'll see what I can do.
Hang on.
Hey, hon.
You know, I'm actually kind of beat, but, hey, why don't I take you out Monday night? Monday night? What am I, your cousin? You're right.
What was I thinking.
Hang on one sec.
She's not buying it.
I'm stuck.
Excuse me? You're "Stuck" with me? Are you seeing your brothers tonight? Nothing personal, but he has more fun with us.
I never said that.
Danny! I think you clicked "Conference.
" Thanks, Ryan.
Look, why don't we all do something together? No! Come on, this is my night.
Every night's your night.
- I'm his girlfriend.
- We're his brothers! Well, he wants to be with me.
He doesn't know what he But I was going to make pizza! Look, Mac.
I'm not gonna lie to you.
The prosecution has some new evidence.
They found your wife Impossible! 'S car.
I was going to say "They found your wife's car.
" But I bet they didn't find my wife.
Good guess.
Okay, that's the fourth time.
You've checked your e-mail in the last 10 minutes.
So what's going on? It's Kim.
And my brothers.
Well, that's different.
They're all mad at me.
I can't win.
When I'm with Kim, Sheldon and Ryan are jealous.
When I'm with my brothers, Kim gets jealous.
So everyone wants their "Danny time.
" And yet I'm the only one paying for it.
I just hate it when everyone's mad at me.
Yeah, you know what, Danny? I'm getting a little concerned about your need to be liked, and I'm kind of hoping it doesn't extend.
To the prosecutor.
See, the problem is, there's only 24 hours in a day.
Now, if there were two of me, I could keep everyone satisfied.
Well, throw in a third.
Maybe he can work on my case.
You're right.
You're right.
Let's get back to work.
How do you explain that they found.
Your DNA in the trunk of your wife's car? You know, the funny thing about that is, it actually had nothing to do with the murder.
Coffee? In my tea shop? Have some respect.
Yeah! Next time, bring me a latte.
This oolong crap gives me the squirts.
You know what? Don't start with me, ladies.
I just lost a huge sale.
For one of my big-and-tall caskets.
I was all set to bury a pair of siamese twins, then the widows decided to have them separated.
What a bummer.
Together, they equaled one great, big fat, guy.
If you're looking for Danny, he's not here.
And, um, I'm seeing him for lunch.
Well, that's funny.
He didn't mention that at breakfast, but that's not why I'm here.
I'm here to ask for a favour.
I want to shoot an ad for my casket business.
Picture this A hot, vulnerable widow.
Crying over her husband's casket Her cleavage pointing six-feet-under.
And why would you think I'd ever do that? And why would you think I'd ever ask you? I need a chick who's hot.
In a dirty, nasty, trampy kind of way.
I have too much dignity for that.
I'll give you $80.
I'll do it for free.
You drive a hard bargain, sister.
Ew yet yum.
There's nothing sexy about caskets, Sheldon.
Yet, my negative friend, I am tapping into the "True Blood" fan base.
Gay men and under-sexed single women? So How are the preps going for the big photo shoot? Who needs to prep? I've got a camera, she's got the boobs, it practically, you know, shoots itself.
Look, you can't just stick Nikki in front of a casket, man.
You need to create an atmosphere.
I'm talking about lighting, effects, backdrop, props, and a talented set designer.
With a $6,000 smoke machine under his bed.
Ryan? Would you like to be involved? Yes, please.
I have nothing going on.
Hang on a second.
Why do you have a smoke machine under your bed? Because Alison said.
The only way she would have sex with me.
Is if the house was on fire.
You know what? On me tonight, guys.
I feel bad about screwing up Saturday night.
Look at you.
Thanks for blowing kimmie-poo off just for us.
No prob.
I just told her I was busy.
I'm impressed.
And she was okay with that? She didn't have much choice.
I laid the law down pretty hard.
You, you need a ride? No, I'm gonna settle this up.
And then walk off all of those nachos.
See you later.
Hey! You're here early! Mwah! I just couldn't wait to see you.
Are you ready for dinner? I'm starved.
We have to get a platter of nachos.
I haven't had those in forever.
Hey, Mac.
What's new? Well, I've been in solitary, so, you know, not much.
You? Solved that little problem with Kim and my brothers.
You stood up to them? Good for you! What? God, no.
Now I just say yes to everyone.
Sure, sometimes, I've got to do the same thing twice, but, hey, at least everyone's happy.
Well, you do seem to have more of a bounce in your step.
Well, that's just the caffeine buzz.
Had a double-espresso with Sheldon.
Then Kim.
Then Ryan.
Then Sheldon.
Good, well, that's, that's one thing off our chest.
Now, can we get back.
To my little issue of, life imprisonment? Absolutely.
You don't have a stamp, do you? It's the first chance I've had to pay bills in weeks.
No, I must've left them in my other prison jumpsuit.
Should I just head back to cell? I'm digging a tunnel with a spoon, and it's looking like.
That'll get me out of here a lot sooner than you will.
A spoon? No, sorry.
Okay, guys, let's go.
I'm renting this place by the hour.
I just don't think the wolf is popping.
What are you talking about? Stanley looks amazing.
What? You named the wolf Stanley? That's ridiculous.
Can't you see it's a girl? This is way more professional.
Than my last photo shoot.
That guy just had a van.
Sheldon, you can't put her in that dress.
It's degrading.
It's mine.
It's very pretty.
All right, come on, let's go.
Here's what I'm shooting for.
I want something that's elegant and tasteful.
All right? So hop up here and straddle the casket.
I know how to do that.
All right, let me set the scene.
It's a hot night on the bayou.
Stop! She needs more sweat.
Your cajun lover has just died.
He was a big man, but, you know, that's how you like 'em.
Come on! Show it to me.
Your heart is dead But your libido is, so alive! What if I just bend over the casket, you take some shots? I love it.
God, I love show business.
I can't believe I got eight hours of you all to myself.
Yeah, and I can't believe.
We got to spend all of it hiking.
I mean, don't you feel great? I stopped feeling hours ago.
I'm gonna go take a long hot bath.
I'm gonna go bathe in a pool of my own sweat.
You ready for a little b-ball? Good.
I thought maybe you'd forgotten.
Are you kidding me? Come on, let's go out there.
We'll have A little bit of fun.
I guess I could go for the length of a bubble bath.
Come on, let's go, man.
I've booked us a court at an elementary school.
They got 8-foot rims.
Even you can dunk it, little buddy.
Danny? Was that the door? Hey! Where'd you go? I got out of the bath and you weren't there.
I thought you really needed An ice-cold sports drink.
I might have had a sip.
Are you okay? Yeah, I'm fine.
Actually, Kim, there's something I gotta tell you.
No, I need to tell you something.
It's been great not fighting for Danny time, and I know you must be.
Catching a lot of flak from your brothers, but I am about to make it up to you.
Come on.
I got a great idea for something kinky.
I'll pretend to be asleep, and you can do whatever you want to me.
Well, you don't look good.
Don't tell me.
Let me guess.
They found a strand of my wife's hair.
In the trunk, by the jumper cables? Next to a blanket? It's not about your case.
It's always you, you, you.
Sorry! Don't mean to be so selfish.
I guess spending time in prison with serial killers.
Has made me lose my manners.
I'm going crazy, Mac.
So why don't you put a stop to this charade already? And go back to having everyone complain to me? No, this is easier.
You know what you need? You need to lose yourself in a worthy cause, like My case.
Do we have to focus on that now? Coming here is the most relaxing part of my day.
It's the only place.
My brothers and Kim can't bother me.
Well, in that case, the cell next to mine just became vacant.
"New Fish" killed himself.
I won a small bet.
All right, let's go over.
That deposition you gave back in Back in April, when You know what? I need a quick power nap.
Five minutes.
I'll be good as new.
I'm not going anywhere.
Coffins, wolves, Ryan with a fog machine It was fun.
In fact, I'm thinking about going back to modeling.
I didn't know you ever modeled.
Used to do the Ikea catalogues.
You know, happily assembling an "Ektorp,".
Or cooking meatballs at a "Bekvam.
" It was great Until they caught me doing a three-way on a "Kivik.
" Hey, how was work? Not bad.
Except McKenzie kept waking me up.
Well, I have good news.
I got us in at the dining in the dark place tonight.
Their reservations totally opened up.
Since they lost that kid in there.
I'm sorry, what? Never mind.
Let me just finish up and we can go.
Feast your eyes! Is that it? "Room for one more"? I came up with that.
This puppy is hanging.
At every bus stop in the city.
You didn't use any of the nude ones? Hang on a second.
Big-and-tall caskets.
Your loss is our gain.
What's that? You saw the poster? Great! Who knew death could be so tasteless.
It's great isn't it? Notice the hunger in her eyes.
- I was starving! - I meant the wolf.
You know, maybe I'm reading this wrong, but doesn't it look like an ad for An escort service? Yeah.
This guy's crazy! What about this poster says "Escort service"? Hot chick, phone number Sweet liberty Jones.
I'm a pimp.
Big-and-tall caskets.
No, you can't have the girl for your bachelor party! Or the wolf! Great! Now the whole city thinks I'm a whore.
Again! I can't believe it.
I spent thousands of dollars on this thing, and it's a bust.
A double-D bust.
I don't understand.
We did everything right.
You know what? Don't worry, Sheldon, okay? We'll take you out for a really nice meal, totally cheer you up.
But not tonight, right, guys? You know, tonight would actually be perfect.
Where do you want to eat? You know, actually, I know the perfect place.
Wow, it is pitch-black in here.
I can't even see my hand in front of my face.
Yeah, me neither.
I think my taste buds.
Are in overdrive because of the darkness.
Did you taste the mushrooms? That's not a mushroom.
That's pan-seared tempeh with a szechuan peanut glaze.
Wow, your senses really are heightened.
It's almost as if I can see it.
So how's McKenzie's case going? You know, let's not talk about work.
In fact, let's not talk at all.
- Really? - Sure.
If it tastes this good when you can't see it, imagine how good it'll taste when you can't talk.
You're right, we should eat in total silence.
Okay, if that's what you want.
Can someone help me find my table? You can't see anything in this stupid place! God.
I think I I can't I'm about to have a panic attack.
Guys, I've been sitting here.
Listening to you argue all night.
I mean, I can barely get a word in edgewise.
Danny, this place sucks.
Man, I need a drink.
If only I could find my beer.
Found it! You know, our waiter isn't very good.
I'm right here.
And now for your entrees.
Is anyone allergic to anything? Yes.
Walnuts, mangoes, and a crippling, all-encompassing darkness.
Wasn't that nice? Amazing.
You were so quiet.
It was like you weren't even there.
You! Must be hard working here, not being able to see all night.
I'm blind.
Now I feel kind of bad.
About asking for a refill, yet here we are.
Excuse me, blind waiter? My name is Thomas.
I believe I have the wrong meal.
No, that's chicken.
So, tell me, how much tea is actually in China? That's a very good question.
In China So, Ryan, how's therapy? Well, we've made a bit of a breakthrough recently.
We've been doing a lot of past-life regressions.
Excuse me? Hello? Help! Hello? Does anyone know where the bathroom is? Isn't that fascinating? Amazing! This is so much fun.
Didn't I tell you? You were right.
The night is a total success.
Thank God, it's almost over.
Somebody stabbed my hand.
I thought my steak was a little tough.
That sounded like Sheldon and Ryan.
Don't be ridiculous.
You did it again.
Agh! Well, where the hell's my steak, then? You ordered pasta! W yeah! Yeah, that's definitely them.
Look it, Kim, you're not making any sense.
Sheldon wouldn't even go to a restaurant.
Unless he was there to check out the waitresses.
I gotta pee.
Be right back.
You know what? You guys were right.
This place is terrible.
Let's get out of here.
Wait a minute! I ordered the surprise dessert.
It's cheesecake.
Let's go.
You're not Patrice.
You're not Robert.
What the hell is Kim doing here? Me? I'm having dinner with Danny.
We're having dinner with Danny.
What's going on? Danny! I was just trying to keep everyone happy, but I ended up getting everyone mad at me.
Certainly didn't see that coming.
I screwed up.
What am I going to tell them? Danny, I've learned.
You can't run away from your problems.
The cops always find you.
Thank God, you're okay! How did you guys know I was here? Mac called me.
I swiped it when you went to the bathroom earlier.
I downloaded some porn.
I hope you don't mind.
What's going on, Danny? We were worried.
You just ran off.
I know.
The thing is I just Look.
I've seen a lot of sick things on the inside, but nothing compared to this.
You know, Danny's killing himself, trying to be all things to all people here, just because he doesn't want anyone to be upset with him Except, apparently, his clients.
Look, I know you all want your Danny-time.
But you're just going to have to learn to share me.
You get what you get, and you don't get upset.
I said the same thing to my wife.
You're right, babe.
I'm sorry.
Maybe I was too demanding of your time.
We're, we're gonna back off.
We totally understand.
I get him tomorrow.
Danny and I already have plans.
That's not fair! What difference is it to you? You don't work.
Every day is the same.
- Not true.
- Okay, what day is it today? Thursday.
- Tuesday.
- Dammit.
Stop! Work it out and let me know.
Right now, McKenzie needs me.
We have a lot of work to do on his case.
McKenzie? Crap! Who left the door open? It was stuffy in here.
This is nice.
I like hanging out together.
It's okay.
I don't think it's fair Kim gets to sit next to you, but We just switched places.
You know what? Next round's on me.
But you lost all that money on your posters.
And also, you're Sheldon.
That's right.
And I never lose.
I'm selling all those posters.
To a couple of fanboys I met at comi-con.
Turns out Nikki's a giant hit.
I'm thinking of having an action figure made.
"Coffin Girl.
" And her she-wolf sidekick, Stanley.
So, any news on McKenzie? He's long gone.
Yeah, turns out he'd been stockpiling.
Stuff he took from me over the last few months.
A pen knife, some pepper-spray, my phone charger.
Why would he steal your phone charger? Tie up some wrists? Lower himself out a window? Strangle some guards? I'm just saying.
Hello? - Guess who? - McKenzie? Hi, Danny.
Say, how did things work out.
With Kim and the guys? Fine.
We're actually having dinner right now.
I owe a lot of it to you.
Now turn yourself in.
No can do, Danny.
I'm in love! Just met a great girl, and I think she could be the one, but in case I'm mistaken, I kept your business card.
I, left you your fee.
With a little something extra for you and Kim.
Sorry it has to be in cash, but, that's all I have.
You know, I've known a lot of killers, but I've got to say, McKenzie is one of the special ones.
Livvie?! Olivia Hey I'm leaving.
I'll call you and daddy from Heathrow.
When I land, okay? It's only for a couple of days, just until my boss gets settled.
And I left casseroles in the freezer.
I love you, Olivia.
I know.
Good-bye, baby.
You know her better than I do.
Is she okay? Probably not.
Okay, this has gone on too long.
We need to talk to her.
Nobody goes in there right now.
At least tell us what's going on.
Huck no! What he said.
Okay, well when you two guard dogs get a chance, please tell liv that the Marcus campaign.
And the first lady's office.
Have been calling all morning nonstop.
And she needs to decide right quick.
Which job we're taking or we're gonna lost them both! We just climbed out of a money hole.
It was dark and unpleasant down there.
And we don't want to go back.
You better get that.
Stupid super spies.
Olivia Where are you going? This theory that Fitz's military record.
Was somehow trumped up to hide the fact.
He shot down a passenger plane A plane my mother happened to be on? You know how crazy that sounds? Where are you going? There's probably only two people in the world.
Who can tell me if this really happened.
One of those people is my father, and I can't ask him because he'd probably kill both of you, or maybe even all three of us.
To teach me some kind of sick lesson.
And the other's the president.
So that's where I'm going To the white house.
To ask him myself.