Packed to the Rafters (2008) s01e07 Episode Script

Self Made Man

NATHAN: What makes us the way we are? Nature? Nurture? A bit of both? Though, if that's the case, you'd think me and my family would have more in common than a surname.
Ah, they've come.
What have? Invites to Dad's 50th.
Snazzy, huh? Uh, no, my parents aren't going.
Why not? They won't want to.
Nathan! No, I'm serious.
Let's face it - your parents and mine, they're from different planets.
Oh, come on.
it's just a party.
“To Julie and Des Rafter.
" 'Des' - they can't even remember my dad's name.
Trust me, they won't want to go.
What? After everything they have done for us, you're embarrassed by them.
I'm notI'm not embarrassed.
I'm just trying to protect them.
Your parents, they justthey want different things to my mum and dad.
In fact, so did I.
I mean, I love my parents.
Of course I do.
But somehow we were always headed in different directions.
Disneyland? Yeah.
For me, there was a world out there way bigger than our backyard.
I mean, I've already booked the caravan down at Narooma.
Way better than Disneyland.
Come on.
Let's get cracking, eh? Now, you concentrate.
Don't try to hit it too hard.
Don't want to split the wood.
Alright.
Way you 9Q (THWACK!) Never was good with my hands, either.
Another point of difference.
(THWACK!) No, that's alright, mate.
I'll, um Is it possible to change the personality you were born with? I don't know.
I always felt like a stranger looking in from the outside.
Mum and Dad finally said “Go for it.
Try your hardest.
“Get into your private school “and we 'II chip in for the other half of your scholarship.
” Took me an hour and a half both ways.
First on the bus.
Last off.
I wanted it that bad.
Problem was, it didn't come naturally.
Never has.
I'm not like Ben.
It's like I barely scraped through school.
But I'm not like Rachel either.
She blitzed her exams.
Barely worked for it.
My final year was a nightmare.
Got to get some rest.
There's no point studying so hard you nod off during the exam.
Oh, just 1O more minutes please, Mum.
Literally.
I used to wake up sweating, heart racing.
But I knew acing the tests was my only ticket out.
My ticket to where I wanted to be.
So I might be back here, but I'm still determined to make something of myself.
There's nothing wrong with that.
Hey- Hey.
It's late.
You should come to bed.
Right now, in fact.
That's an order.
I haven't finished yet.
I have to have this proposal done by tomorrow.
So get up early and finish it.
It has to be done now, Sam.
I'm sorry.
OK.
Fine.
Dad always says, “You've got to get your priorities right.
“Family comes first.
” But he's middle-aged and still slogging his guts out to pay the mortgage.
I don't want that life.
Mind you, if I'd listened to him, I might have saved myself a whole lot of trouble.
Especially from my evil sister.
Sorry.
Oh, gosh! Oh, I'm so sorry.
I wasn't looking.
You're Nathan's sister, right? Rochelle.
Uh, Rachel.
Right.
Rachel.
Oliver, Nathan's best man at the wedding.
Oh, right.
Yeah.
The infamous Oliver.
Nathan's best man that we'd only met four times.
You're a household name.
Really? So, I didn't know you were a photographer.
I thought you were doing something with financial planning.
Always like to keep a couple of irons in the fire.
You know how it is.
Hey, we should, uh, catch up sometime.
I'll buy you a drink.
Eugh! He was just so slimy.
I'm surprised he didn't do the Fonz thumbs up before he left.
Um, not to burst your bubble here, Rach, but do you know how many women throw themselves at Oliver? He was probably just being polite.
Oh, what, so now I'm just a charity case? He woke up this morning thinking, “Hmm, shall I sponsor a starving child in Africa today'? “No, no, no.
I'll just ask Nathan's sister out on a date.
" Rach, I'm not sure how to put this, but Oliver's last girlfriend was on 'Search For a Supermodel'.
Excuse me, it's your gene pool too.
If you're having a go at your sister I am not having a go.
I'm just stating the facts.
He is out of your league.
A bit of family loyalty wouldn't go astray there, mate.
OK, so maybe I was a bit over the top, but she's my sister.
It's my duty as her brother to give her heaps.
Rachel was paying out Oliver.
I was just giving it back.
Mm.
All my Can I just jump in'? All my life I've been made to feel guilty about wanting something different, about not being 100% “Team Rafter I'm not saying that what I want is necessarily better than the way Mum and Dad live.
OK, sometimes I do.
I don't know.
Maybe I've just got to suck it up.
Accept that my family are never going to get who I am.
That's just the way that family are sometimes.
You're not always going to see eye to eye.
You can't choose them.
Look at my mum and dad.
Trust me, I do.
And I wish I didn't have to.
We're never going to change them - either of us.
(DOORBELL RINGS) JULIE: Oh.
I'll get it.
Mum! What are you doing here? And then we added this bit on, about 1 O years ago.
Three teenage kids, we needed the extra room.
There was no way I was going to pack up and move again.
Mind you, I have to say, renovating did have its moments.
It looks lovely.
Tony and I started off in a tiny place like this.
It's very cosy.
Mum, don't start.
I'm not starting anything.
I mean it.
In fact, it's a palace compared to what your father and I started out in.
OK.
Well, um, make yourself at home.
I've just got to get ready for work.
Yeah, same.
Sowhat are you doing here? Well, that's a lovely way to speak to your mother, who drove 45 minutes and paid God-knows-how-much in road tolls just to see you.
Well, now you can see why Nathan and I are doing this.
Starting out small, like you and Dad.
Mmm.
But what I don't understand is why you're making it so hard for yourself.
There's nothing wrong with accepting a little help.
Well, not when it's coming from Dad.
He gives us money, and then suddenly it's not a gift anymore, it's a contract.
Well, it's all part of being a Westaway.
But he does miss you.
Well, I'm coming to his party.
That's progress, isn't it? It'd be even more progress if you said you'd give me a hand with the planning.
Oh, please, darling.
You know your father.
Suddenly it's not a party he wants, it's a festival.
No strings attached.
Please, darling.
It's his 50th, and I could really do with the help.
Beamer outside.
Oh, yeah, your mother-in-law's dropped in.
Here? Why? What about? I don't know.
She needed to see Sammy about something.
Right.
Cool.
Um, how's everything going'? Does she have a tea or does she have a coffee? No, darling.
We're planning to dehydrate her.
Good.
Good.
(LAUGHS) Ben's not here, is he? Oh, would you calm down'? She's not the Queen.
No, she's not.
Well, you stay here, 'cause I'll take care of everything.
Trish, it's lovely to see you.
What a surprise.
Oh, Nathan.
Mwah! Lovely to see you too.
And what brings you out here? Bit early for a social call.
Oh, it's never too early for party planning.
Well, if you need someone to get tough, then Sammy's your girl.
She absolutely eats caterers.
You've no idea the war that's already been waged over finger food.
Come on, darling.
It'll be fun, and a good excuse for us to spend some time together.
Mmm.
OK! OK.
But if I'm in charge, then I am in charge.
Fabulous.
I'll leave everything up to you.
You can find me in the bar if you need me.
So I'll stop by after work, Mum, and we can sort out some of the details.
I'll look forward to it, sweetheart.
Yeah, it's going to be great.
And you are looking amazing, Trish.
Thanks for dropping by.
Julie, nice to see you again.
Oh, you too.
I haven't got your RSVP yet, but I assume you and Des are coming.
It's Dave, Mum.
Dave.
Yes, of course.
I don't know why I keep getting confused.
Sorry, coming to what? Our party.
What party? Two saddest words in the English language.
Tony's 50th.
I mean, you must have got the invitations by now.
I sent them days ago.
You would've said yes just to be polite, and then you would've gone and you would've had a really bad time.
Oh, so it was entirely selfless? You were just thinking about us.
Mum, you know what Trish and Tony are like.
All their friends are the same.
I thought I was doing you a favour.
You got my vote for Son of the Year.
Aren't you supposed to be at work, Rachel? Mum, if you want to come, then come to the party, because it makes no difference to me.
Well, good, because we're going.
And don't worry, darling, we'll try not to embarrass you.
Mum, I'm not em (SIGHS) What? You just don't get it, do you? Well, I thought I did.
How many chances do you reckon Mum gets to frock up and let her hair down'? Not many.
It was her invite, her choice.
Wasn't yours to make.
Why don't you call the mother ship, let them know they can have you back? (SARCASTICALLY) Good on you, mate.
So, this is the part where the sister from hell plots her revenge.
She knew exactly how to get me.
I'm not going to say anything about horses and getting back on them.
You just did.
I'm just really glad you're putting yourself back out there.
OK, Mum, before we book out the church, can we just pick the earrings, please? Oh, very important.
OK.
Definitely those ones.
Thank you.
Oh.
very funny! Have you got another work function? Far out.
I'm surprised they make any profit at all.
Your sister's going on a date, for your information.
(CAR HORN BEEPS) That's probably him now.
Hey, brother from another planet.
What? Can you get that, please? Sure.
Jeez, mate.
Lucky I've got sat nav.
Never realised you lived this far out.
Would have brought my passport, had I known.
Uh Oliver, hey.
Got here OK'? Well, come inside and see the family.
They're dying to say hello.
NATHAN: She did it.
Rachel got me.
But it doesn't end there.
Oh, no.
JULIE: Oh, come in.
Come in.
It's great to finally have you out here.
We told Nathan to ask you over all the time when you were at school, but you were alwaysyou know, you always had something on.
Rugby or water polo or I like to keep myself busy.
Yeah? So how long have you guys lived out here? Oh, since Nathan was a baby.
Ooh! I was about to get a beer.
Would you like one? Yeah, that would be great.
Thanks, Dave.
How's the engineering business? Engineering? That's your line of work, isn't it? No.
I'm an electrician.
Right.
Sorry, I must have got that confused with someone else.
Would you like a glass with that'? Nah, I'm good, thanks.
Yeah.
Um, are you guys heading into town for dinner? Oh, no.
I thought we'd just eat somewhere local.
Or you could always stay here.
Now you're finally here, it'd be lovely to get to know you better.
Yeah, that would belovely, Mum.
Thanks.
Wouldn't it, Ollie'? Absolutely.
Been ages since I've had a home-cooked meal.
And it just got better, because we were having the suburban special - meat and three veg.
So what happened to the financial planning? Yeah, look, it really wasn't for me.
Lots of mums and dads wanting to pay off their mortgages quickly.
Put everything into super.
Kept thinking, “Take a chance for once in your lives.
“ Well, I guess if you chucked it in that quickly, you're not exactly the poster boy for the industry.
Well, financial planning.
I would've thought the one main rule would be to stay employed.
There's no point staying employed in a job that's going nowhere, is there? So it's, uh, photography now'? How long have you been doing that for'? On and off for a few years.
Got a few things going at the moment.
There's a shock.
Like what? Oliver, how's the house? He's got a place in the city he's doing up as an investment.
Have you got the plans back from the architect? Yeah, but I thought I'd talk to the guy that did the reno on the McMasters place.
I want something creative.
Oh, cool.
Well, you wouldn't want to overcapitalise this place.
Especially if it's an investment.
Dad, he knows.
Hey.
Ollie, what are you doing here? Oliver and Rachel are on a date.
No, really.
Oh, no, it's true.
I thought he'd like to meet the family.
I'm really sorry about Rachel.
She just She just doesn't know how to keep her opinion to herself.
She likes the sound of her own voice, doesn't she? Yeah, yeah.
Anyway, how's your form? What? All those times you said your parents were away, skiing in Europe and that's why you had to stay at my place.
Yeah.
Mate, it's cool.
Don't worry about it.
I would've made up an excuse too if I lived out here.
I hate to break it to you, but it's not exactly the Third World.
Mate, I'm not having a go, alright, just Sammy's parents are loaded.
Why aren't you living with them? Are you leaving'? Yeah, got, uh, the trainer at 7:00.
So, um, won't be home before midnight.
It's only 30, 4O minutes at this time of night.
Yeah, whatever.
Still got to go.
It was nice to see you, Sam.
You too.
See you at the big 5-0.
What is going on tonight? Homicide.
I'm going to kill my sister.
How would you like someone to do that to you, Rach'? What - invite me over to their place for dinner? Ask you out on a date and then play games.
Take the piss the whole night.
Like he noticed.
Anyway, I have a feeling his ego will survive.
JULIE: Guys, come on.
What is it that you see in him? I mean, seriously, the guy is 22 years old and he's already had So he hasn't figured out what he wants to do.
That's not a big deal! It is when he comes in here and looks down on all of us.
It was you that invited him here! Nathan, you are 500 times the person that he is.
Right now, I'm not sure that that's saying very much.
But he's a wanker.
The guy has never worked hard for anything in his life.
He's just happy to let Daddy come and bail him out every time anything goes wrong.
Why does that make him some kind of superhero to you? Just because he wants something different to you Nathan, he's a wanker! Wake up.
(KNOCK AT DOOR) What is it about this family that's so embarrassing to you? Mum, I'm not embarrassed.
Is that why it took so long for you to invite Oliver around here? Why you decided to hide the party invitations from us'? It was just We are good people.
And there is no reason you should ever feel ashamed of this family.
Especially your dad.
Do youdo you have any idea how proud we were of you when you won that scholarship? I think I called everyone I'd ever met in my entire life just so I could tell them.
So please don't tell me you've become the sort of man that judges other people by the car they drive.
Youyou need to take a good look at your values, Nathan.
(SIGHS) Dad, um all of that stuff about engineering I was just being an idiot.
I was 16, I was talking myself up.
I didn't mean anything by it.
I know you'll never probably understand this, Nathan but what I have here is more than I'd ever hoped for.
You know, the thing is, I'm not even sure that I do want to go.
Yeah, I know, but it's the principle of the thing, isn't it? Exactly.
Having said that, they're all gonna be dressed to the nines and I've got nothing to wear.
Yeah, nudity can sometimes backfire, I find.
Nudity? Now you're talking my language, girls.
Yeah.
And what language might that be'? Oh, you know, just making a comment.
(CH UCKLES) Yeah, well, don't let it keep you from those spec reports.
I take it you're writing them in English.
Now, Jules, uhthis afternoon, if you don't mind.
OK.
You still here, mate? You should have seen Sammy's mum.
It's seven o'clock in the morning, right? And she's wearing an outfit that would pay a month's mortgage.
But, Jules, looking good has nothing to do with how much money you spend.
I mean, look at me.
As if.
OK, here's what's gonna happen - I'm coming round to your place this afternoon.
We're going through every item in your wardrobe.
Oh, I threw out all my Versace gowns last week.
You're gonna be the most glamorous woman at this party.
Julie? Glamorous? (SCOFFS) Should I just cut them off'? No, someone's beaten us to it.
Ooh, the '80s - now, they were a great decade.
Hmm'? For Joan Collins.
On.
(LAUGHS) Yes, well, Rachel used to wear that for dress-ups.
Yes, probably not the look we're going for.
No.
Jules, how about one of mine, hmm'? Too slutty? Uh, oh, no.
No, no Not slutty enough'? Mmm, no, it's enough.
Oh, OK.
OK.
What Yes! Yes! Yes? It's classy, it's elegant, you spill champagne on it and no-one's gonna notice.
It's not too casual? No, not at all.
You put some nice jewellery and shoes, it'd look AhI've got a necklace in my car that would be perfect.
Oh.
Oh, hey, Nath.
Look, what do you think? Nice.
Yep.
Are you and Dad going out for some dinner? No, I was, um, actually thinking of wearing it to Trish and Tony's party.
Oh.
Not anymore.
Oh, no, no, no.
It's just that the party's a really big deal, that's all.
Yes.
Don't get me wrong.
You'll look beautiful Uh Why Why don't you treat yourself? Why don't you get something new, something really glamorous? Mum, have you got any spaghetti? I forgot to buy spaghetti.
What's wrong'? Nothing, I'm fine.
Yeah, right.
Haven't seen you like this since I scratched your 'Best of Blondie' record.
Don't worry about what Nathan said.
This dress is beautiful.
Nathan? What did he say? You know what? It doesn't matter, OK'? What did Nathan say? After everything Mum's done for you and you still treat her like crap.
Ben, some privacy! You made fun of what she's wearing.
I didn't! Get out! So why's she out there attacking dishes? All I said was she might wanna buy a new dress for Tony Westaway's 50th to spoil herself.
Totally out of the goodness of your heart, right? Nothing to do with your stuck-up in-laws? Mum's always gone out of her way for you.
You could murder someone and she'd still be on your side.
Are you finished? You want to be a wanker to me, that's fine, but don't you dare treat Mum like that.
Pull your head in, Nathan.
Shut the door! Would anyone else in Australia like to have a go at me? BEN: Mum was really upset and now she doesn't have anything to wear.
Can't she borrow a dress from someone? Mmm, no-one we know is really fancy enough for the Westaways.
Hey, can't you hire dresses? You know, from one of those dress-hire companies? Yeah, if you want to be a vision in faux satin.
Oh, subtle, Ben.
What? I've got it! My mum, she's got all these dresses upstairs covered in plastic.
Ones with feathers and sparkling bits and look like mermaids.
Classics, all of them.
They're from when Mum was really skinny.
They're just hanging there.
Let's go get them! We had someone come into emergency once 'cause they'd worn clothes that had been in plastic.
Serious? Germs everywhere.
What we need to do is think outside the box.
You know, find a different way through the maze.
Get a clear objective.
What? I read it.
In your 'Mr Men' books? I read other stuff.
(SNORTS) (GIGGLES) You know, for once, you might actually be right.
That's right, I'm the stylist.
Well, the shoot's tomorrow so I'd need to pick the clothes up by the end of the day.
It's for 'Marie Claire' so it'd be great coverage.
Yes, of course I can hold.
Do I want to know'? (WHISPERS) No, you don't.
Rachel, is Dad, have you seen Mum? No, you missed her already.
She started work early.
Right.
Uh, is she alright? Why wouldn't she be'? (ELECTRONIC BEEPING) WARNEY: Beep, beep, boop.
(ELECTRONIC BEEPING CONTINUES) Beep, bah-deep, buh, beep, boop.
Bee, bah-doop.
Oh Are you gonna do that all morning'? (ELECTRONIC BEEPING CONTINUES) Doo, doo, doo.
Warney, it is really annoying! Yeah, get it all off, baby! WARNEY! Bit touchy today, Jules? That time of the month'? I thought you might like some morning tea.
Ohthanks.
(DOOR CLOSES) That guy's a tool.
Yeah, well, there's one in every office.
You shouldn't have to put up with that, Mum.
Trust me, when our lotto numbers come up I'll tell him where to shove his phone.
I Ieamt a lot at private school - public speaking, school spirit, how to be a bully Heading into Ron Barrett's Elec WHOA! Warney, isn't it? That's me.
Yeahl heard you were sparky on a maintenance contract for Crone and Brown's rental department.
Must be worth a bit of cash to the, uhto the company.
Yeah.
So what if it is? I'm just saying that if that contract happened to go to somebody else, another real estate agent, Ron Barrett wouldn't be too happy.
Let's face it.
He only cares about the bottom line.
Yeah, but there's no reason why it would, so No, well, they're friends of mine.
I went through the Real Estate Institute with the owner's son.
So if I happen to have the right word to the right person, then maybe that job wouldn't be so ironclad.
And with all the recent job cuts, I reckon you would be the next to go.
Is this a threat? What, are you stupid? Of course it is.
If you don't start treating my mother with the kind of respect she deserves I guarantee I'm gonna follow through on it.
Hmm, looks like all the cash Mum and Dad laid out for that school was worth it after all.
I need you guys to put them either side of the pillars out the back.
If you could, that'd be great.
And they're into the marquee.
Thanks a lot.
Oh, darling.
There's no way I'd be so calm if you weren't here.
(LAUGHS) Are we having a party? Guess it looks like it.
Hey, Dave.
How's it going'? Yeah, all done.
Any more lights, your back garden would look like Luna Park.
I really appreciate this, mate.
Uh, I was doing the lights as a favour.
There, uh Phwoar There must be some mistake.
I don't expect you to work for nothing.
Well, you're family now.
I wouldn't charge you.
And even if I was I wouldn't be talking this many zeroes.
Look, you've got a daughter.
I'm sure if you were in my situation, you'd want to make sure she's being looked after.
I You want me to give this money to Sammy? She's not gonna take it, not from me.
On the other hand, if you and Julie wanted to help out Nathan with a bit of a loan Oh, look, I don't want to get involved.
You know what the kids are like.
They want to be independent.
Look, I'll give you the lights as a birthday present.
I mean, what else am I gonna give the man who's got everything'? See you tomorrow.
What did Dad say to you? Oh, just a bit of a misunderstanding, that's all.
Well, what was in the envelope? He just thought I expected to be paid, you know, for the work.
(SCOFFS) Of course he did.
How many zeroes? Hey.
How do you reckon Nathan's gonna cope with this? (LAUGHS) (GROANS) Come on, it's a little bit funny.
Ohdon't I'm just kidding.
(SIGHS) Are you sure this is gonna be alright? Oh, you could wear a potato sack and be the hottest woman there.
Oh, you have to say that.
It's in the marriage contract.
Yeah.
(KNOCK AT DOOR) BEN: Hey, are you guys decent in there? No, but we've got our clothes on.
(LAUGHS) I'm hot.
I'm so hot.
For you, madam.
What's this? Nothing to worry about, Cinderella.
It's a dress.
Put it on.
Show us what you look like.
Oh! Aw! Guys, we're gonna be late if we don't get a hurry on.
It's.
.
.
(WOLF-WHISTLES) SAM MY: Oh, wow! That is the most beautiful dress.
Oh Mum, you look amazing.
Seriously hot.
So what do you think? Wow.
I honestly don't know how you two did this.
(LAUGHS) (GROWLS) Come here! You look hot.
Oh, thank you so much.
You've made my day.
Thank you.
You look beautiful.
SONG: I should've stolen one more kiss To tide me over I should've held you in my arms Just a little bit longer I should've told you you'd be missed I should've stolen one more kiss.
TRISH: I'm sorry, but you're going to have to leave.
Sorry? Where on the invitation did it say “Must outshine the hostess"? Oh! It's nice to have an excuse to dress up.
The place looks amazing.
Well, you only turn 5O once.
Or, in my case, never! I plan on staying 39 for the rest of my life.
Your father's looking for you.
Chequebook in hand, no doubt.
Do you ever feel like you're the referee in a major prize fight? Oh, only every other day.
Oh, look, there's Des.
I thought it was Dave! It is.
(LAUGHS) Proves what they say, doesn't it? Money can't buy taste.
I mean, the guy's got cash to burn.
He could've done something so much better.
Mr Westaway! Oliver.
Oliver.
Thanks for the invitation.
I was just saying to Nathan I wouldn't mind picking your brains at some point.
Really? Yeah, mate.
Making a small move into property.
You know, starting small, but I'd really appreciate your advice.
Well, we might not get a chance tonight, but maybe sometime next week.
Sounds great, sir.
I'd like that.
I'm sure you would.
Apartments now, eh? I thought you were renovating your house.
See, this has always been your problem, mate.
You've got this narrow little view.
I'm not having a go.
You can't help it.
You grew up with that mindset.
Your old man - he's just happy to plug away every day.
Go to work, earn the money, come home But you're better than that.
Gotta think bigger! Take a chance, otherwise you're gonna be stuck in that hole forever.
Hey.
Hi.
Um Have you ever thought that maybe Oliver is a bit of a wanker? Yes, of course! But that's just who he is - Oliver.
And that's why we put up with him.
Excuse me, was this a revelation, more than just a statement? For me, apparently, yeah.
It was.
Hi, you two.
You haven't seen Dave anywhere, have you? No, but I've been meaning to tell you how many people have asked where you got that dress.
Oh, I'm starting to think I've missed my calling in life.
Is it too late to become a fashion icon? (SHRIEKS) Oh, my God! Mum! (OTHERS GASP) Mum, help her! Mum, are you OK'? TRISH: It's fine.
She's going to be absolutely fine.
I've had one champagne.
Oh, yeah.
Come on, we'll get you upstairs.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
Just, right now I just wanna kill myself.
Just smile.
Laugh.
Pretend you're fabulous.
Ha, ha, ha! How am I doing? Oh, now, don't you worry for one moment about that lovely dress.
I have a specialist drycleaner.
He'll work wonders.
I'll get his number off you before we go.
Oh, don't be silly.
Let me take care of it.
We're family now.
Thanks.
Oh, that dress looks better on you than it does on me! What's your secret? Botox'? Pact with the Devil'? Oh, both, actually.
It's disgraceful, I know.
But I find it's the only way to get through these events.
You'd think they'd be more discreet.
Sorry'? The infamous Suki, Tony's latest afternoon delight.
She's a presenter on one of those hideous home-makeover shows.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I didn't know.
Oh Don't worry.
I have my own fun while he's away.
(WHISPERS) Roberto.
My tennis instructor.
Oh JULIE: He's very handsome.
TRISH: Oh, trust me- he serves up exactly what's required.
I'm so glad we've become friends.
GUESTS: (SING) For he's a jolly good fellow And so say all of us.
MAN: H' ' Hooray! lp hip! H.
.
Hooray! lp hip! Hooray! Hip hip! (APPLAUSE) Thank you.
(APPLAUSE) Um (CLEARS THROAT) I look around me here today, and I seel see my family.
I see my friends.
I see the life I've built.
And I guess if this is what the big 5-0 is, then it's not too bloody bad at all.
(LAUGHTER) I wanna thank the lovely the beautiful women in my life.
Where IS Suki? (MUTFERING) My daughter Sammy, who always was and always will be the joy of my life.
And, of course, my beautiful wife, Trish.
Almost 25 years of marriage.
(CHUCKLES) And it's been a delight.
Every single day.
(LAUGHTER) I love you.
You getting sentimental with all this mushy talk'? No, it's just Tony and Trish, it'sit's a bit sad.
So on this, my 50th birthday, I've decided the best kind of present is the kind of present that you give away.
And my elegant daughter, Sammy, here, and our new son-in-law, Nathan, are just starting out on their life.
And I hope they're gonna be as happy as Trish and I have been.
Oh, God, I hope not.
And to do my bit to make sure that happens, my present, on my birthday to my daughter, is an apartment in my latest development.
A sub-penthouse apartment because you've always gotta have something to aim for.
(LAUGHS) Oh, my God.
Total score, mate.
I always told you, Sammy's the best move you ever made.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) OK, I'll let him borrow the Charger for an hour.
OK, two.
That's it.
Carbo says you can borrow the Charger for a day.
Yeah, and I'll fork out 2O bucks.
(M UT-FERS ANGRILY) Er Alright, $50'? Alright, deal.
And she's ready to roll now'? Thanks for this, mate.
Yes! A day'?! I thought we were mates! Carbo Shut up! If this doesn't put a smile on Mum's dial, nothing will.
Nathan's gonna flip.
Yeah! You scare me sometimes.
What? Well, if you and Nathan collaborated for once, you could use your powers for good, and not evil.
This is for good.
Mum's gonna love it.
What are you doing tonight? $2 shots at the pub, Till then You, uh, wanna come on an adventure? ('FEEL THE LOVE' BY CUT COPY PLAYS) Oh, I'm gonna miss them.
Yeah.
We'll save on the water bills, though.
Sammy never got quite used to the idea of three-minute showers.
But I got used to having them around.
Yeah, me too.
Come on.
Let's liven this place up a bit.
We should be partners.
This place you just got - it's yours.
You own it outright.
Think of the equity - what you can do with it.
We buy a block of flats.
We do it up, sell it for a profit.
Dead easy.
I mean, do you seriously think Sammy's dad had to even raise a sweat for any of this? Back in the early days he worked pretty hard, by the sounds of it.
With the right property, any idiot can make money.
Oh Put a price tag on that.
(SCOFFS) Your old lady's dress? Tell me what happens when you decide you don't wanna be a property developer anymore.
You wanna You wanna make a movie, you wanna open a brothel'? I don't know, whatever takes your interest.
What happens then? I don't have the same luxury that you have, OK'? My dad's not gonna bail me out if I get myself into trouble.
So'? Sammy's dad will.
You really are a wanker.
We all knew, the whole time.
At school - we all knew you were bullshitting.
All that stuff about your dad, where you lived We still let you hang out with us.
You were the charity case.
Piss off.
Very well done.
Very working-class.
How's that for working-class'? If we take the apartment, then Dad wins.
I can't do that.
Tony.
Absolutely floored - we both are - by your generous offer.
Well, you're part of the family now, Nathan.
I just want you and Sammy to be happy.
Which is why you'll understand why we need to decline the offer.
I've always had to work hard for everything.
It's something my father taught me.
And I know you know what I'm talking about, because you slogged it out the same way.
I still want the world for Sammy, and I intend to get it, but only if I can earn it myself.
You're not serious? Mm.
Excuse me.
I think I need to dance with my wife.
You know, for a doofus, this is really sweet.
Your mum's gonna love it.
By 'sweet', you mean 'unbelievably sexy'.
Completely.
Hey, if you thought that was hot, check this out.
Where to, milady'? Honk, honk! Wow, you lookjust like Brad Pitt.
Really? No.
Give it back.
How do I look? Like a stripper.
Shut up! In a non-sexual way.
(LAUGHS) How long do you think they'll be'? I've got tequila shots waiting.
They've been here since lunch, so the champagne's gotta run out soon.
Melissa There's your mum and dad now.
Right.
Mum, Dad! How's this? (LAUGHS) Oh, you're kidding! Where the hell did he get that'? Probably the same fairy godmother that got the dress.
How do you like your pumpkin, Cinderella? Darling, this is amazing! Am I gonna have to post bail? Nah, Carbo's mate owns it.
He rents 'em out for weddings.
Can we get a lift too? I don't know.
Is this car posh enough, Nathan? Definitely.
You've done good, mate.
You've done very good.
Hey, Dave! There's a telly in here.
Alright, I'm driving.
Yeah, in your dreams.
Yeah, I'm a better driver.
No way! I organised it.
You can still sit up the front! No.
You'll have to squash with Mel.
OK.
But you owe me big-time.
Oh Uh, I'm gonna let Nathan drive.
Sorry.
It's probably gonna be a bit squishy.
You got enough room there? Oh, yes.
We're alright.
Sorry, Mel.
J U LIE: VVhoo-hoo! VVhoo-hoo! Yeah! Yee-hah! Julie? White with one? What's that'? It's a cup of tea.
Yeah, right.
OK, solet me guess - you put a laxative in it? Hey, I'm just trying to do something nice.
Make it yourself next time.
What on earth's happened to him? Mm.
Looks like he's had a personality transplant overnight.
Oh.
Maybe Nathan had something to do with it.
(DOOR CLOSES) Hi, Mum.
Oh, hi.
What are we having for dinner? I thought I'd try a new recipe.
Doesn't have to be meat and three veg every night, does it? Oh, Mum, it's what you do with it.
(LAUGHS) Oh, hey, listen - what did you say to Warney? Warney Yeah, alright.
You don't have to tell me.
Just reassure me there was no violence.
I'm sorry.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Oh.
My mistake.
How good is my mum? It felt great to be back in her good books.
Hey, is Dad out in the shed? In the shed.
I thought so.
OK.
Well, let me know if you need a hand with dinner.
OK.
NATHAN: The real trouble was finding a way to apologise for 21 years of having my head up my bum.
I finally see why you spend so much time out here.
It's the only place you can get a bit of space to yourself.
Took you long enough to work that out.
Thick skull.
It takes a while for things to get through.
I didn't think it could be enough.
Being out here in the 'burbs.
I didn't get it.
I couldn't see why you'd be happy, and why you wouldn't want more.
But, uh Now I see.
I get it.
And finally, I got Dad.
You want a beer? He knew what he wanted, slogged his guts out, and got it.
A self-made man, just like I wanna be.
Glass? What do you think I am? A wanker? Hey, can I have a shot? No.
Yeah, I can.
Come on.
Come on.
Alright, then.
Just concentrate, alright? Don't hit it too hard, you might split the wood.
Alright.
(THWACK!) I guess some things will never change.
(HAMMERS) When I was in high school, I had such big dreams.
I wanted the world.
Still do.
When I was in high school, you know what else I wanted? I know you're busy.
I just wanted to grab this.
A really hot chick to come into my bedroom Uh, uh "and offer to have sex with me.
You're not going anywhere! Oh, yeah.
Try telling me there's something more interesting on TV than this.
I don't know.
There's a pretty good documentary that I wanted to watch.
Nah.
(LAUGHS) No! Not that I wanna be thinking about my dad right now, but he's definitely right about getting your priorities straight.