Packed to the Rafters (2008) s02e08 Episode Script
What's in a Name?
OK.
What about 'Lamppost'? You wanna call him 'Lamppost'? Yeah.
Cocks his leg up every one of them.
(SIGHS) What about 'Chops' or 'Sausage'? Eh? Well, he likes them.
Hey, Choppy.
Choppy.
No.
How about 'Lamebrain'? He seems to like those.
Yeah.
Like you.
Oh! Yeah.
Hey, Mum.
Hey.
Hey.
What's a good name for a dog? Oh! You tell me.
I'm flat out thinking of baby names.
Oh.
And'? The more I think, the more confused I get.
Which is why this meeting of Nine Moons.
We're having a baby-naming session! Summer! Hi.
JULIE: Vl/hafs in a name? A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.
Who the hell said that? If it's a girl, middle name Louise after my mum.
Oh.
That's so gorgeous.
Yeah.
And for a boy, I really like Finnegan.
Finnegan Rafter.
I like that too.
Yeah.
The only problem is Dad thinks that Finnegan sounds like a smelly, drunken Irish poet.
A poet! Oh! But that's so romantic.
Yeah, Mum.
How come we got such boring names? Oh, my God.
Who is that? Ah! That's Dave's offsider.
And you can close your mouth.
He's taken.
Or he wishes he was.
My daughter's playing hard to get.
Are you insane? Oh! Shakespeare! Sorry.
I've been trying to remember.
It's a sonnet or something.
I love it! That is a great name.
Thank you.
Rose? Shakespeare? No! Sonnet.
Fruitcake, Summer? Seriously, it's just a name.
Do they need a full-on summit meeting? You're telling me.
I reckon they could write names down and chuck 'em in a bucket.
Mind you, you'd have to be a very brave man to tell them that.
Or stupid.
Just call it something normal, like Jake.
MmmJake? 'Jake's a good bloke.
He's someone you want to invite for a beer.
But 'Crispin'? No-one wants to invite 'Crispin' for a beer.
What about Milo? Mmmgood on top of ice-cream.
But not as a boy's name? Nah.
The number of wedgies he'd get - I wouldn't wanna wash his undies.
Oh! I knew a guy at uni called Milo and he ended up having a black belt in taekwondo, so Exactly.
With a name like that, he had to grow up tough.
(LAUGHS) Can I talk to you for a minute, please? So, that's interesting.
You're flirting with all the pregnant mothers.
Why would you care? Unlessyou were gonna say yes to coming out with me on Saturday night.
Then this would be wrong, yeah.
(CHUCKLES WRYLY) I already told you this isn't going to work.
But it might be fun to try.
Ooh.
Smart woman, that.
JULIE: Jake's middle name could well be Persistent.
Ra chef's ? Definitely Hard-to- Get.
(ALARM BEEPS) That woman just can't get the hang of that toaster.
And as for Trish, right now her name wasmud.
Arggh! You right? Oh! That's better.
Oh! That noise could drive a man deaf.
I was making dinner and the tea towel (GAS PS) Oh! Not Rachel's tea towel.
Oh, God.
Don't tell me it's something special.
Oh, don't worry, Trish.
It's kind of embarrassing how Mum likes to show off stuff we made in kindy.
Kindy'? Oh, Julie, I'm sorry.
No, no.
No.
It's fine.
It was an accident.
Oh! It's a lovely gesture - you making dinner for us.
It's the least I can do.
You've all been so kind.
You especially - giving up your room.
Oh, don't worry about it, Trish, really.
Well, I'd better get back to it or we won't be eating before midnight.
I really loved that tea towel.
Yeah.
Really was quite proud of it myself.
(BARKING) Mackie, Mackie.
Go, Mackie.
Go, Mackie.
Go, Mackie.
Mackie.
Randy.
Go on, Randy.
Fetch, Randy.
Randy.
Come on, Randy.
Yeah.
Like I'm really gonna yell that in the park.
Who let the dog into my parents' room'? Not me.
No.
Door was closed.
This dog must be some kind of genius, because he got it open himself, did he'? What's a mum gonna say when she sees this? Hmm'? (WHINES) Hey, Carbo, watch the Oh! God! Sorry.
Gee Rule number one.
Scoop the poop.
Yeah.
We were just about to.
If this happens again, the dog's out of here.
Oh, don't listen to him, Mackie.
He doesn't mean it.
I mean it! And don't give him a name.
(BARKS) Give it a name, it's ours.
That's not gonna happen.
You'd really throw Mackie Randy on the street? Yes! And we'll be right there with him if Mum hears about this.
(BARKS AND WHINES) Come on, guys.
It's been nearly a week.
Can't you make this dog stop'? Hey, look, Dad.
He likes you.
You been rolling in peanut butter again? Look, someone's gonna call the council if this mutt keeps this up.
CARBO: At last, someone's talking sense.
Make him stop, alright? (BARKS) Sorry, Dad.
Told you he doesn't like dogs.
Yeah.
And I don't blame him.
If the owners aren't here soon, he goes straight to the pound.
OK'? Look, end of story.
No votes! (DOG WHINES) Thanks, Trish.
That was great.
TRISH: And edible too.
(CHUCKLES) Oh! I must have used every utensil in this place.
I think I'm trying too hard.
Well, if you are, it's working.
Look, thanks again.
That's alright.
Oh! Pleasure.
Now, Trish, leave the washing up.
I'll give Dad a hand.
Oh, really? Oh, OK.
Sorry about the tea towel.
Oh, darl, that's fine.
These things happen.
Would anyone mind if I use the computer? I thought I'd jump online, see if there's anywhere to rent.
Oh, no! Help yourself.
Go for it, Trish.
Not at all.
OK.
So, you've got to search the area and then the price.
Yes, yes, Sammy.
I know what I'm doing.
Now, what will $300 a week get me? You might have a little more luck if you try less east.
$1,200 a week with that bathroom? Right out of my price range.
$400 a week for that! JULIE: Oh.
With a lick of paint, might not be so bad.
Huh.
What's the point'? I'm turning my nose up at it, and it's right out of my price range anyway.
Well, maybe if you got a job, you'd have a better idea of your budget.
Julie, you are so funny.
Really? I mean, who's gonna give me a job? What could I do? I haven't worked in years.
I haven't got any qualifications.
Didn't you used to be a secretary? That's how I started out.
That's how I met Tony.
Back then it was all typewriters and Tipp-Ex.
Well, even if you're a bit rusty, you can always do a refresher course.
Maybe then I could get some temp work somewhere.
Exactly.
Oh! Who am I kidding? These days jobs are harder to find than rental properties.
Where would I even start? (BARKING) We do need someone at Barrett's.
I mean, it's just data entry work.
I'm sure Trish could handle it.
(SIGHS) But then I keep thinking, âWe've got to put up with her here.
âDo I really need to see her at work as well?â (BARKING) Go on.
Say it.
I'm a horrible person.
You're a horrible person.
I mean, even Dad thinks we should give her a chance.
(SIGHS) And I agree.
Look, we're already doing our bit.
I'm sure there's heaps of jobs out there she could apply for.
(SCOFFS) Oh, it's Alright, well, maybe not heaps.
Maybe not that many at all.
And they still won't be there in the morning.
(BARKING) You're not a horrible person.
But that bloody dog is.
(BARKING) (BARKING) (BARKING CONTINUES) MEL: You have got to make him stop or else Carbo's gonna turn him into horsemeat.
Do horses eat meat? No.
I mean dead meat.
Oh, Why me? 'Cause I'm only a dog person in daylight hours.
Go, go: go' (BARKING) Am I a vampire? (BARKING CONTINUES) If I had a shotgun, I'd be using it.
And not on the dog! OK.
And at 4:00am when the alarm goes off, how many hours sleep? (GROANS) Count 'em, Benno.
Count 'em.
OK! OK! You're worse than my dad.
(BARKING CONTINUES) (BARKS) JULIE: Dave.
Yeah? Hey.
(MUMBLES) Wh'? You OK'? Yeah.
Hmm.
There was a dog.
Ben's dog? Oh.
No.
No.
It was, erbarking and (CH UCKLES) .
.
scratching the door.
Yeah.
Sure it was a dream? Old Lassie next door's been going off his head No, no.
No, it was another dog.
I've had that dream before.
When I was a kid, I used to have the same dream.
Hmm.
Well, you're probably having it now because Lassie next door has been going off No.
It's more than that.
I think there's more to it than that.
(BARKS) Hey! (WHINES) Oi! Ben.
Something over here that belongs to you.
(WHINES) How did he get in here? Maybe he dug his way in or he jumped the fence.
Ben! (BAR KS) You've made a fan there.
Oh, no! I don't believe this.
Sorry.
He keeps going mental trying to get out.
I'll come round and get him now.
You're gonna have to find some way to control him.
What's with you and dogs all of a sudden? Dreaming about them, now this.
(BARKS) Mmm.
Hope that dog barking didn't wake you up.
No.
I've gotta be an early riser if I'm gonna find a job.
Oh.
And how's it going'? Surprisingly, there's not a lot around for a former socialite with dubious talents.
Mmm.
Yes.
I think those jobs get snapped up fairly fast.
And they all want a résumé.
It's like the chicken and the egg.
No first break without the experience.
No experience - no first break.
JULIE: It was round about then I started to wonder.
The middle names I'd never had but always wanted - maybe they were Soft and Touch.
You're telling me she hasn't had a job in 1O years? (LAUGHS) I mean, it's not like we'll be stuck with her.
Please, Don.
Justyou know.
Ron would approve.
Why don't you give him a call? There's no need.
I've assumed responsibility here.
Just give her a go! If it doesn't work out Your head, Julie.
It'll be on your head.
(SIGHS) Thank you so much for this.
I promise I won't let you down.
OK.
Well, your desk is here.
(GIGGLES) And this is what we need you to get started on.
Everything from here needs to be entered into the database.
OK.
Fine.
Shouldn't be a problem.
Great! (GIGGLES) Look at me.
(AMERICAN ACCENT) I'm a working girl.
(GIGGLES) Looks like it.
UmJulie.
Just one thing.
How do I turn this on? Or maybe that middle name was Sucker.
Well, any further away from home and we'd have to book a flight back.
Well, the owner's bound to see one sometime.
Look at him.
He's such a great dog.
(DOG BARKS) Is it just me or does he look like Brad Pitt? Hey, Brad! Brad, it's me, Angelina! (DOG BARKS) Hey.
Come on, mate.
Heel, heel.
We've got to show Carbo you can behave.
Come on.
Give me a go.
Ooh! Sorry.
Puppy! Puppy, come here.
He just got away from us.
Get down.
Me and dogs, we don't get on.
Just You know that.
Pick up the leash.
Were you attacked as a kid or something? No.
Nothing like that.
Just Dad, he definitely likes you.
Give him a pat.
He won't bite.
He's a dog, isn't he? No, no.
That's alright.
Ben's got him.
See'? (BARKS AND WHINES) Woof! (LAUGHS) I'm kidding! I'm kidding.
Do it.
Do it.
(BARKS) (WHINES) Good dog.
(MACHINERY WHINES) Trish? Wh'? The Indian Pacific was the longest standard-gauge railway before they opened the Alice Springs - Darwin leg of the Ghan.
The Ghan? Named after 'Afghan'.
Camels.
Fascinating.
(GIGGLES) Yes, Julie? Umyes.
Noer, Trish, if you're using the copier, it's a good idea to keep an eye on it - it's jammed.
Temperamental thing.
(LAUGHS) Just like my ex-husband.
Just like my California floppy.
Er, rabbits.
I breed them.
Well, better get back to the grind.
(CH UCKLES) He's so sweet, isn't he? As long as the work's getting done on time, he is.
Oh, Trish! Copier's still jammed.
Yes, of course.
Who do we get to fix that'? Come on.
Saturday night, let me take you out to dinner.
Oh, Jake, I really appreciate the persistence No, you have to eat, anyway.
It can't be that much of a deadline.
When are you gonna see that this is never going to work? I can pick you up after footy.
I'll even let you choose the restaurant.
You don't give up, do you? Nope.
How many times am I gonna have to say no? You keep saying this is not gonna work.
Because it won't! It's never in a million years going Yes, but it does.
We know that.
Yeah, well, animal instinct and common sense are two very different things.
Lucky for us.
(SCOFFS) Come on.
I mean it's one night out of your life.
How bad can it be'? How about one afternoon? Is that a yes? I'll come to the football with you.
OK.
Uh, just so you know, I'm gonna be playing, and that's not with the All Blacks.
No, I'll come to the football with you to prove to you once and for all that you and I may work very well after dark, but during daylight hours We haven't tried during daylight hours.
Oh, no.
You can forget it.
No, no, no.
Great.
Great, perfect.
Perfect.
It'll be fun.
Tomorrow is Ladies' Day.
Oh, good.
Does that mean I get to dress up in a ra-ra skirt and pompoms? It's not a porno, Rach.
It's just our way of saying thanks to the girls who support us.
Right, so you all stand around in yourjockstraps, grunting in gratitude? Yeahif you're lucky.
Whoo! JULIE: Bye, everyone.
Have a lovely weekend.
OK.
Oh, no.
Not more.
I can't believe people do this for their whole lives every day for less than $200 a day.
That's before tax on that.
Oh, YOU pay tax'? Sorry.
I must sound like one of the royal family.
That's alright.
When I come back from holidays, it's a shock as well.
No.
No, no, no, no! What? What's happened? The file I was working on, it's gone.
What do you mean, it's gone? One second it was here and the next second it's not.
Wellwell, what did you do? Nothing.
I hit one of the buttons.
Well, which button? I'm not sure.
Well, did you save it? No.
I don't know.
No'? Or yes.
It flashed something at me.
I hadn't finished working on it.
Alright, well, don't worry.
It'll be on the hard drive somewhere.
Oh, that's a relief.
What was the file called? No, it wasn't called anything.
You didn't give it a name? No, because I hadn't finished working on it.
You're meant to do that when you open a file.
Not right at the end? Tell me you can get it back! (SIGHS) I think the technical term is 'down the gurgler'.
Oh, that's a whole day's work.
Oh, my God! Just go along with what I'm saying.
(LAUGHS WEAKLY) Hi.
How are we going with those spreadsheets? Oh, well, you know - we're getting through them.
They should be finished.
They need to go out Monday.
This is the end-of-year reconciliation.
That's why we'll be here first thing tomorrow to make sure it gets done.
Right.
Well, as long as you're not expecting some sort of Saturday overtime.
Course not.
Are we'? No.
Good.
Well, I'll see you tomorrow, then.
Oh, andthanks for all your hard work today, Trish.
Not a problem, Don.
Thank you so much for giving me a chance.
My feet are killing me.
So how was it? I think I did pretty well.
It was a nightmare! It was everything that I was afraid of.
No, no.
In fact, it was worse.
I thought I'd be a bit rusty, but it was like riding a bike.
And the computer? A little glitch here and there, but, you know, nothing to worry about.
I'm a bit of a natural.
Think the only thing she learned at secretarial school was how to bat her eyelashes.
It was obviously her 'yabba-dabba-doo'.
Hang on, we're talking about Don Barrett here? Yeah, I know.
She was flirting outrageously.
I repeat - Don Barrett, nephew of Ron, breeder of rabbits? Well, she's not looking for a husband, she's trying to disguise the fact she's got no idea what she's doing.
I'm a real find.
That's what Don said.
If I play my cards right, I could make this more permanent.
Short-term pain for long-term gain.
Oooh.
You're a wonderful person for doing this for her.
If I'm so wonderful, how come I spent the whole day wanting to strangle her? Julie just adored me.
(GROANS) (CH UCKLES) It's so nice to have you home.
It's like I've barely seen you.
Well, if you feel the need to make up for lost time, I'm perfectly OK with that.
I have made a decision.
I wanted you to be the first to know.
Mum! Aren't you supposed to be working in the morning'? Yes, I am.
Well, maybe you should lay off the chardonnay.
Oh, don't rain on my parade.
It's Friday night and this is after-work drinkies.
Now, here.
Read this.
Read it.
Uh, yes, it is your marriage certificate.
See what it says.
See what it says right there.
'Patricia Newman'.
I mean, that's who I was.
Patricia Westaway.
The day she threw her name away was the day she threw her life away.
But Il am reclaiming the world.
Patricia Newman.
That - that's my name.
Or even better, Patricia Newwoman.
Although, a new man in time would be fun.
As you were.
Oh, my God.
Is that what I've got to look forward to? Oh, please, God, let it not be so.
What is it? What is it? (BARKS) What is it? What is it? (BARKS ECHO) JULIE: Dave.
You OK'? (SIGHS) Same dream about the dog? He's not barking next door.
He's been quiet.
It's not a dream.
It's real.
It happened.
I was locked in a room with a barking dog and there was gas.
Gas'? Smell of gas, yeah.
And Ringo.
(BARKS) What? Yeah, that was the dog's name, Jules.
I know it was.
I lived through this.
It's not a dream.
It's a memory.
I was there (BARKS) in a room and the dog was barking.
(BARKS) And whatever was happening (BARKS) I was terrified.
(BARKS) (BARKS) (BARKS) (HUMS JAUNTY TUNE) There you go, my love.
Thank you.
Shower free'? Yes, all yours, darling.
(TED CONTINUES HUMMING) (GROANS) If you guys insist on making so much noise, the least you can do is make me a cup of tea.
Not very subtle, is she? Neither is the racket you lot are making.
Now, here you go, madame.
All sugared, stirred.
All you have to do is drink it.
Thank you.
(CH UCKLES) Hey, Mum? Yep? I know I should be a bit more gracious, but when is Trish leaving? As soon as she gets herself back on her feet.
Great.
So, never.
I'm moving next door.
I thought you and Trish had to work today.
Yeah, we do.
(SIGHS) (KNOCK AT DOOR) Whoa, Mum! No, no.
Sorry.
Sammy, I've really got to get to work and there's no sign of Trish, so, Sammy, could you just go in and give her a nudge, please? Mmm.
Thanks.
What is it with mums in this place? Mum? Mum.
Wake up.
(GASPS) Oh.
Oh, my head is gonna explode! Yeah, well, I told you to lay off the wine last night, didn't I'? Um, Trish, we've gotta get going.
I know.
I slept through my alarm, Julie.
I'm sorry, but I'll be as quick as I can.
I promise.
We've got a lot to get through today.
I'll jump in the shower and put a face on.
No, the face you've got might have to do.
I won't be long, I promise.
(SIGHS) (DOOR OPENS) You're late.
Yes, I know.
I'm sorry, Don.
Don't be sorry.
Just get the job finished.
I shouldn't have to talk to you about this, Julie.
OK.
Let's get this done as quickly as possible so we can get home and start enjoying the weekend.
Here's to that.
Absolutely.
I'll just get myself a coffee first.
Don, I'm making coffee.
Would you like one? Yes.
Thanks for asking, Trish.
(YELLING AND CHEERING) Yeah! Rachel.
Hey.
Thought you weren't gonna show.
Now you're here.
Yes, I am.
And you're all dirty and sweaty.
Yeah.
And I saw Camel drenched you in beer.
Yeah.
Idiot.
(CH UCKLES) Did he feel the need to do that for a particular reason? We won.
We're in the finals.
We, uh, creamed those yuppies at Sydney Uni last week and now this, so we're legends.
Oh, yeah, you're legends.
That's very mature.
Look, I'm just gonna go and have a shower.
I'll be back in a sec, alright? Hey, Jake.
It was a great game.
Hey.
Like I said, it's Ladies' Day, so Yeah, it's for us girls who come to every game - all season, without fail.
To say thank you.
Every game.
OK, uhI'll be back in a sec.
Yes! Champions! (OCKER ACCENT) Tragic waste of beer, if you aks me.
I'm Chyna.
Like the country but not spelt like it.
My mum's a racist.
Hi.
I'm Rachel.
I didn't know I was supposed to frock up.
Oh, the whole Ladies' Day thing.
Yeah, explain that to me again.
It's for us girls who come every game, all season They do it every year and, yeah, it's sorta lame.
But, hey, free champers.
Four glasses.
Six if you get your girls out.
(CHUCKLES) What's the story? How do you know Jake? He works for my dad.
Is he your boyfriend? No.
Well, have you slept with him? Jeez, Tanya! Give the girl a break.
She hasn't even got a drink yet.
Wanna get a drink? Sure.
Subtle.
So if you're not Jake's girlfriend, what are you doing here? OK.
Tanya, Rachel.
Rachel, Tanya.
Jake and I have a thing going on.
Just so you know.
Tans, he gave you a lift home! Once.
That's not exactly a thing.
So are you his girlfriend or not? Mmm, no, I'm not.
We're just I can't really give you a name for it.
I don't think there is one.
Um, so, hey, are we just here for the sausage sizzle? Do the boys actually ever show their faces'? They're in the showers, bonding.
And yes, it always takes this long.
(CH UCKLES) Don't go there, I reckon.
So why do we bother turning up if they're just gonna ignore us all afternoon? Oh, well, usually we don't.
Not until five minutes before the end of the game, same way you did.
Nice work, by the way.
So today's really just all about the free champers.
And the game.
All season.
Without fail.
No, it's the champers, really.
Um, so am I gonna get to see Jake at all, or is the afternoon total segregation? (MEN SHOUT IN DISTANCE) You wanna perv on Jake? Hey, it's my hole.
I found it.
Made it, she means.
You guys serious? I know.
Well, we've got to do something to entertain ourselves.
Who can you see'? Is it Jake? Oh, yeah.
And I think he's been doing some major time on the Stairmaster.
You sure you don't want a squiz? Hey, me first.
It's my hole! Tans, take a chill pill.
New girl first.
Thank you.
Yes, I might just have a little look.
(CHUCKLES) Oh, my God! You set that up.
You set Oh, gorillas in the mist! (LAUGHS) Give me a look! I guess that serves us right.
Another drink? Mmm.
I'm gonna need another bottle to erase that image.
(LAUGHS) Oh, what is that'? Don't let Carbo see you drinking out of here.
OK, that's it.
Two shoes and he's gone.
I told you, didn't I'? Keep him out of Mum's room.
We did.
He didn't go near it.
So who chewed this? It's not even the same pair.
Mel, have you been munching on shoes again? Don't joke.
You're not good at it.
The dog has to go.
No.
Today.
He goes to the pound, end of story.
Carbo, look at him.
Look! He's old.
No-one's gonna give him a home.
He's gonna sit in a cage and rot until he dies or worse.
Poor Fang.
Alone, nameless.
(BARKS) Hey, Ben.
Yep? Call him back to you.
Call him Ringo.
Ringo? Yeah.
Just try it.
Ringo (PATS THIGHS) .
.
come here.
(BARKS) Hey, Ringo.
(BARKS) Uh, no.
Forget it.
It's alright.
Well No, no.
Never mind.
Just forget it.
Uh, what was that about? Isn't it obvious? All that barking's turned him mental.
OK, that's it.
Ringo, Dingo, Blingo, whatever your name is, you go.
End of story.
OK.
But you have to take him back.
Mate, you can't put this on me.
I didn't bring him here.
You're the one that wants him gone, you have to take him back.
End of story.
And no votes.
Come on, Mel.
OK, no worries.
You gutless wonders.
I'll do it.
I'm no softie.
Hey, don't look at me like that.
I'm Greek.
(CHUCKLES) You guys right for drinks? GIRLS: Mmm.
No undies.
Nup.
(SNIGGERS) What? She just noticed you're not wearing any underpants.
Yeah.
(SCOFFS) Who wants a VPL in this dress? Visible panty line.
Oh, yeah.
I got that.
Yeah.
VPLs - so cheap.
She never wears undies - not on the day of the game.
OK, so, seriously, what's the deal with her and Jake? What's it to you? 'Cause you and Jake, there's nothing goin' on.
No, no.
You're just here because you like footy.
That's right.
Tanya's not the one Jake's into.
You've come up in conversation a couple of times.
What has he said? So you do care.
What has he said? Hardly anything.
That's my point.
That's how I can tell he has a total thing for you.
We say your name and he blushes.
No way! He does, really! I've always wanted to learn how to fish.
Oh, I don't fish.
Oh, but you said you made those little fly things.
I do.
That's why I breed rabbits.
I use their furbut I don't fish.
Oh, I'm not interrupting anything, am I'? No.
Don was just telling me about his other hobby.
Fly fish Not fishing.
Fly making'? Tying, fly tying.
Great.
Well, you know what? We've actually got work to do.
And unless you start pitching in, we're gonna be here all day, alright? (SIGHS) Oops.
I'm in trouble now.
Looks like those pregnancy hormones are really starting to kick in.
What? Well, this could be the longest nine months in history.
Am I hearing correctly? Is this some kind of a joke? Are youpregnant? Uncle Ron owns this company, not you.
Uncle Ron is on extended sick leave.
(SCOFFS) And I am running this company as his proxy.
And I am only just past the first trimester.
I didn't want to go blabbing the news until I was sure everything was OK.
There is a big difference between telling me, the legal and rightful representative of this company, and telling the rest of the world.
No, there's not.
Let me get some paper.
I'm gonna make a list.
No common courtesy, no loyalty to her long-time employer.
You've been here eight weeks.
Now I'm talking about Uncle Ron.
Well, it is up to me to decide when people should be told, and I'm not gonna stand here and let you turn this into a personal slight.
Whether I am pregnant or not, it makes no difference.
An employer cannot discriminate on those grounds.
So what does it matter when you hear the news? I'll have to replace you at some point.
You're a fixture around here.
That's not gonna be easy.
(SCOFFS) I'm a fixture.
Isn't this fixture feeling appreciated right now'? Now that I know, we can look out for someone to step into your job.
Oh.
We have Trish here with us.
Maybe she can do it.
(SCOFFS) You really think Trish is up to taking my job? That's what I'm trying to say.
Good workers don't just fall from the trees.
That's why you should have told me.
Full credit to Trish for letting me in on the secret.
Hey.
Last ones.
No, I told you - we get the girls out.
I am not flashing my boobs - for anything.
Not bubbly.
Not cheap bubbly.
Alright, maybe, but let's just finish these ones first.
Cheers.
Mmm.
(SIGHS) Speaking of flashing, has Jake said anything? Oh, God.
Did he tell you about that'? About what? What Tanya did at the last away game.
Other team are heading for a certain try, Tanya does the boob flash, guys drop the ball stone dead.
Knock on.
Knockers on, more like.
(LAUGHS) Good one.
Mmm.
It's amazing what you'll do in the heat of the moment.
What do you mean? Sorry.
You are in so much trouble.
Hey.
Rachel, isn't it? Yeah.
Camel.
Sorry, I didn't recognise you with your top on.
JAKE: Camel! What? Did you flash? It was a feminist statement.
Jake, that was such a great game.
That try you scored - brilliant.
Totally awesome.
Aha.
Tanya.
Can I get you a drink? Are you hungry? Can get you something to eat.
Actually, my friend's been waiting for me, so I'd better make sure she's OK.
You know she doesn't even like football.
I like football.
She got here when the game was already over.
So shoot me.
I'm here now.
She perved on your guys in the locker room! She's not even wearing any undies.
Oh, shut up, you skank.
Whoa! Hey, hey, hey, hey.
(SQUEALS) Calm down.
She's just kidding.
Can we please just go? I'm sorry, I can't.
I'm with Rachel.
How about we go and check out the undie stands'? Oh, don't waste your money on that rubbish.
What are you drinking? Good luck.
So when they say 'no undies', what exactly Good luck with what? You're talking to me now, are you, after ignoring me all afternoon? Right.
So I'm in trouble, aren't I'? Do I get the chance to grovel? Is it the thrill of the chase'? Is that what it is? You know, it's like a little game and I keep saying no and you always have to be the one who wins.
No.
(CHUCKLES) Then why invite me to a football game and spend the entire afternoon ignoring me and hanging out with your teammates'? I didn't ask you.
You invited yourself.
As a way of showing me that this is a big mistake.
Yeah, 'cause it seems like we spend most of our time insulting each other.
But then I talked to your friend Chyna What? What did she say? I just want you to tell me what this is.
(SIGHS) Women like to spend a lot of time chatting.
It's like your place the other day.
What is that supposed to mean? Well, everyone's there for a full-on meeting on what to name a baby.
I mean, seriously, is it that difficult? You don't think a name is an important thing? Well, it's just making things more complicated than they are.
Look, OK.
Maybe you're right.
(SIGHS) Part of me thinks I wouldn't have a chance in hell of getting someone like you.
But I'm not after a trophy.
So, what, then? What do you think? Why does someone put in so muchso much groundwork'? Is that what today was? Oh Groundwork.
(CHUCKLES) Hmm.
(SIGHS) I like you.
That's it, end of story.
You've gone bright red.
Have not.
Yes, you have.
Yeah, well, I've been running round on a footy field all day.
You like me.
(CHUCKLES) I just said that, didn't I'? Yes, you did.
And for that, you get to take me on a proper date.
It doesn't need to be more complicated than that, does it? How about I cook dinner tonight? It's fine.
I've taken something out of the freezer.
How was work? Oh, well, it didn't take us nearly as long as we thought it would, thank goodness.
Julie, I'm sorry.
What for'? I mean, I didn't know that you hadn't said anything to Don.
There's no way I would have said anything otherwise.
But you know, for the record, I think it's very unfair that you're taking it out on me.
(SCOFFS) I mean, Don has a point.
He deserves to know that he needs to find a replacement.
You spend all day flirting with the boss and now you're gonna tell me how to be the model employee? I think it's best if we just drop the subject.
Especially if you're gonna turn it into a personal attack.
Pers'?! No, I'm just stating the facts, Trish.
You were sitting on his desk.
Every time I wanted you to do something, you were sitting on his desk! Uh, no of fence, Mum, but that is wrong on so many levels.
We have gone out of our way to help you.
The whole family has welcomed you into this home and this is how you say thanks - by blurting out my private business and then trying to justify it! MEL: How long will they give him before, um The old green dream? Final doghouse? Big lamppost in the sky? Alright.
OK, stop it, OK'? I can't take it anymore.
Look, stop making me feel so guilty.
I love dogs, alright? Normally, I love 'em.
But it was us or it was him.
(DOG BARKS) Someone has to make the tough decisions.
I can't take it anymore.
Seriously.
MEL: (GASPS) Hey! Hi, boy! You're still here! I couldn't do it.
I got there, right outside, and the look in his eyes - I couldn't do it.
Had to bring him home.
And that doesn't mean he's allowed to run wild, OK'? He stays out of Mum's room and it's not my job to pick up his landmines.
Carbo, I love you so much right now, I'd pick up your landmines.
That's a joke, by the way.
I figured.
Thank you.
Hey, where's his lead? I left it on the doorknob.
(BARKS) Doorknob? (BARKS) You left it on the doorknob? (BARKS) Hey, what do you reckon? That's amazing! That's his name.
Doorknob it is.
(BARKS) Oh, it never makes you feel any better.
Blowing your stack? Every now and again it does.
Well, this isn't one of those times.
I mean, I want to help Trish, I really do, but I just you know, I've got to the point where I feel like I need to be selfish.
I spent the whole day today feeling stressed.
That's not good.
It's not good for me or the baby.
Maybe we should book Trish into a motel for a couple of nights so she can sort things out.
Is that fair? Her money's not gonna last forever and that's all she has.
She can't hold down a data entry job at Barrett's, what hope's she got in the real world? Well, she'll get there eventually.
It can't be easy.
She just thought she knew where her life was going and suddenly she had to reassess everything.
Hey, guys.
Guess what - the dog stays.
And it's Doorknob, by the way, not Ringo.
So have you got any leftover mince or anything in the fridge? Uh, yeah.
Where? In the fridge.
Sorry, what were you saying about reassessing? I don't know - it's just hard to face up to things, just when you thought you had them all figured out.
Trish Don't worry.
I know you've come to ask me to leave, and I don't blame you.
You're right - you've bent over backwards for me and I've taken advantage.
Trish, I'm sorry.
It's just we've got so many people living here and I'm sorry too.
I really am.
And you're right about Don.
You know, all that hanging on his every word.
It's how Trish Westaway got by all the time.
Trish Newman.
(SCOFFS) Who the hell is she, anyway'? Work in progress? Complete disaster.
Look, it's not an easy thing you're facing up to, I know that.
It's not your problem.
By tomorrow, I promise, I'll be out of your hair.
Ohno.
Julie, it's fine, really.
I don't blame you at all.
(PHONE RINGS) I want you to stay.
Just till you get back on your feet.
Julie, thank you.
DAVE: Jules.
Jules? Excuse me.
Summer is on the phone.
Hello.
Summer, hi.
(GASPS) Oh, congratulations.
That's fantastic! When? Yeah? Oh, that's great.
And the baby's good, everything's perfect? Great.
Sorry? Oh, well, no.
That's up to you, I suppose.
No, it's fine.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Listen, I can hear the baby crying.
I probably should let you go.
Yeah, thanks.
Bye.
She's stolen my name.
What? Summer.
She's had a boy and she's called it Finnegan.
That was my name.
I told her that was my name.
She knew that! Well, I don't think we took a patent out on it.
You cannot steal someone else's name, Dave.
What planet are you from? We don't know if Finnegan's gonna be a boy.
Well, if he is, it is his name.
Can't they both have the same name? Oh I reckon they've done him a favour.
You know what I always said Oh, âFinnegan Rafter was gonna be an alcoholic.
" I know.
JULIE: (NARRATES) Vl/hat's in a name? I mean, honestly.
Oh, I It's just a string of letters, vowels and consonants.
Get over it.
I liked Finnegan.
I mean, can it really shape who you are? Change the person you were meant to be? (BARKS) (BARKS ECHO) BOY: Mummy! (GAS PS) I was just a little kid, Jules.
A baby.
I was just I was trying to open the door.
What? I have to know their names.
Whose names? I didn't think it mattered.
I'veI've lived this long without knowing, but something happened back then, something something that might have affected my whole life.
(SIGHS) I've got to know my parents' names, Jules.
Vl/hat's in a name? I have to open that door.
Everything, apparently.
What about 'Lamppost'? You wanna call him 'Lamppost'? Yeah.
Cocks his leg up every one of them.
(SIGHS) What about 'Chops' or 'Sausage'? Eh? Well, he likes them.
Hey, Choppy.
Choppy.
No.
How about 'Lamebrain'? He seems to like those.
Yeah.
Like you.
Oh! Yeah.
Hey, Mum.
Hey.
Hey.
What's a good name for a dog? Oh! You tell me.
I'm flat out thinking of baby names.
Oh.
And'? The more I think, the more confused I get.
Which is why this meeting of Nine Moons.
We're having a baby-naming session! Summer! Hi.
JULIE: Vl/hafs in a name? A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.
Who the hell said that? If it's a girl, middle name Louise after my mum.
Oh.
That's so gorgeous.
Yeah.
And for a boy, I really like Finnegan.
Finnegan Rafter.
I like that too.
Yeah.
The only problem is Dad thinks that Finnegan sounds like a smelly, drunken Irish poet.
A poet! Oh! But that's so romantic.
Yeah, Mum.
How come we got such boring names? Oh, my God.
Who is that? Ah! That's Dave's offsider.
And you can close your mouth.
He's taken.
Or he wishes he was.
My daughter's playing hard to get.
Are you insane? Oh! Shakespeare! Sorry.
I've been trying to remember.
It's a sonnet or something.
I love it! That is a great name.
Thank you.
Rose? Shakespeare? No! Sonnet.
Fruitcake, Summer? Seriously, it's just a name.
Do they need a full-on summit meeting? You're telling me.
I reckon they could write names down and chuck 'em in a bucket.
Mind you, you'd have to be a very brave man to tell them that.
Or stupid.
Just call it something normal, like Jake.
MmmJake? 'Jake's a good bloke.
He's someone you want to invite for a beer.
But 'Crispin'? No-one wants to invite 'Crispin' for a beer.
What about Milo? Mmmgood on top of ice-cream.
But not as a boy's name? Nah.
The number of wedgies he'd get - I wouldn't wanna wash his undies.
Oh! I knew a guy at uni called Milo and he ended up having a black belt in taekwondo, so Exactly.
With a name like that, he had to grow up tough.
(LAUGHS) Can I talk to you for a minute, please? So, that's interesting.
You're flirting with all the pregnant mothers.
Why would you care? Unlessyou were gonna say yes to coming out with me on Saturday night.
Then this would be wrong, yeah.
(CHUCKLES WRYLY) I already told you this isn't going to work.
But it might be fun to try.
Ooh.
Smart woman, that.
JULIE: Jake's middle name could well be Persistent.
Ra chef's ? Definitely Hard-to- Get.
(ALARM BEEPS) That woman just can't get the hang of that toaster.
And as for Trish, right now her name wasmud.
Arggh! You right? Oh! That's better.
Oh! That noise could drive a man deaf.
I was making dinner and the tea towel (GAS PS) Oh! Not Rachel's tea towel.
Oh, God.
Don't tell me it's something special.
Oh, don't worry, Trish.
It's kind of embarrassing how Mum likes to show off stuff we made in kindy.
Kindy'? Oh, Julie, I'm sorry.
No, no.
No.
It's fine.
It was an accident.
Oh! It's a lovely gesture - you making dinner for us.
It's the least I can do.
You've all been so kind.
You especially - giving up your room.
Oh, don't worry about it, Trish, really.
Well, I'd better get back to it or we won't be eating before midnight.
I really loved that tea towel.
Yeah.
Really was quite proud of it myself.
(BARKING) Mackie, Mackie.
Go, Mackie.
Go, Mackie.
Go, Mackie.
Mackie.
Randy.
Go on, Randy.
Fetch, Randy.
Randy.
Come on, Randy.
Yeah.
Like I'm really gonna yell that in the park.
Who let the dog into my parents' room'? Not me.
No.
Door was closed.
This dog must be some kind of genius, because he got it open himself, did he'? What's a mum gonna say when she sees this? Hmm'? (WHINES) Hey, Carbo, watch the Oh! God! Sorry.
Gee Rule number one.
Scoop the poop.
Yeah.
We were just about to.
If this happens again, the dog's out of here.
Oh, don't listen to him, Mackie.
He doesn't mean it.
I mean it! And don't give him a name.
(BARKS) Give it a name, it's ours.
That's not gonna happen.
You'd really throw Mackie Randy on the street? Yes! And we'll be right there with him if Mum hears about this.
(BARKS AND WHINES) Come on, guys.
It's been nearly a week.
Can't you make this dog stop'? Hey, look, Dad.
He likes you.
You been rolling in peanut butter again? Look, someone's gonna call the council if this mutt keeps this up.
CARBO: At last, someone's talking sense.
Make him stop, alright? (BARKS) Sorry, Dad.
Told you he doesn't like dogs.
Yeah.
And I don't blame him.
If the owners aren't here soon, he goes straight to the pound.
OK'? Look, end of story.
No votes! (DOG WHINES) Thanks, Trish.
That was great.
TRISH: And edible too.
(CHUCKLES) Oh! I must have used every utensil in this place.
I think I'm trying too hard.
Well, if you are, it's working.
Look, thanks again.
That's alright.
Oh! Pleasure.
Now, Trish, leave the washing up.
I'll give Dad a hand.
Oh, really? Oh, OK.
Sorry about the tea towel.
Oh, darl, that's fine.
These things happen.
Would anyone mind if I use the computer? I thought I'd jump online, see if there's anywhere to rent.
Oh, no! Help yourself.
Go for it, Trish.
Not at all.
OK.
So, you've got to search the area and then the price.
Yes, yes, Sammy.
I know what I'm doing.
Now, what will $300 a week get me? You might have a little more luck if you try less east.
$1,200 a week with that bathroom? Right out of my price range.
$400 a week for that! JULIE: Oh.
With a lick of paint, might not be so bad.
Huh.
What's the point'? I'm turning my nose up at it, and it's right out of my price range anyway.
Well, maybe if you got a job, you'd have a better idea of your budget.
Julie, you are so funny.
Really? I mean, who's gonna give me a job? What could I do? I haven't worked in years.
I haven't got any qualifications.
Didn't you used to be a secretary? That's how I started out.
That's how I met Tony.
Back then it was all typewriters and Tipp-Ex.
Well, even if you're a bit rusty, you can always do a refresher course.
Maybe then I could get some temp work somewhere.
Exactly.
Oh! Who am I kidding? These days jobs are harder to find than rental properties.
Where would I even start? (BARKING) We do need someone at Barrett's.
I mean, it's just data entry work.
I'm sure Trish could handle it.
(SIGHS) But then I keep thinking, âWe've got to put up with her here.
âDo I really need to see her at work as well?â (BARKING) Go on.
Say it.
I'm a horrible person.
You're a horrible person.
I mean, even Dad thinks we should give her a chance.
(SIGHS) And I agree.
Look, we're already doing our bit.
I'm sure there's heaps of jobs out there she could apply for.
(SCOFFS) Oh, it's Alright, well, maybe not heaps.
Maybe not that many at all.
And they still won't be there in the morning.
(BARKING) You're not a horrible person.
But that bloody dog is.
(BARKING) (BARKING) (BARKING CONTINUES) MEL: You have got to make him stop or else Carbo's gonna turn him into horsemeat.
Do horses eat meat? No.
I mean dead meat.
Oh, Why me? 'Cause I'm only a dog person in daylight hours.
Go, go: go' (BARKING) Am I a vampire? (BARKING CONTINUES) If I had a shotgun, I'd be using it.
And not on the dog! OK.
And at 4:00am when the alarm goes off, how many hours sleep? (GROANS) Count 'em, Benno.
Count 'em.
OK! OK! You're worse than my dad.
(BARKING CONTINUES) (BARKS) JULIE: Dave.
Yeah? Hey.
(MUMBLES) Wh'? You OK'? Yeah.
Hmm.
There was a dog.
Ben's dog? Oh.
No.
No.
It was, erbarking and (CH UCKLES) .
.
scratching the door.
Yeah.
Sure it was a dream? Old Lassie next door's been going off his head No, no.
No, it was another dog.
I've had that dream before.
When I was a kid, I used to have the same dream.
Hmm.
Well, you're probably having it now because Lassie next door has been going off No.
It's more than that.
I think there's more to it than that.
(BARKS) Hey! (WHINES) Oi! Ben.
Something over here that belongs to you.
(WHINES) How did he get in here? Maybe he dug his way in or he jumped the fence.
Ben! (BAR KS) You've made a fan there.
Oh, no! I don't believe this.
Sorry.
He keeps going mental trying to get out.
I'll come round and get him now.
You're gonna have to find some way to control him.
What's with you and dogs all of a sudden? Dreaming about them, now this.
(BARKS) Mmm.
Hope that dog barking didn't wake you up.
No.
I've gotta be an early riser if I'm gonna find a job.
Oh.
And how's it going'? Surprisingly, there's not a lot around for a former socialite with dubious talents.
Mmm.
Yes.
I think those jobs get snapped up fairly fast.
And they all want a résumé.
It's like the chicken and the egg.
No first break without the experience.
No experience - no first break.
JULIE: It was round about then I started to wonder.
The middle names I'd never had but always wanted - maybe they were Soft and Touch.
You're telling me she hasn't had a job in 1O years? (LAUGHS) I mean, it's not like we'll be stuck with her.
Please, Don.
Justyou know.
Ron would approve.
Why don't you give him a call? There's no need.
I've assumed responsibility here.
Just give her a go! If it doesn't work out Your head, Julie.
It'll be on your head.
(SIGHS) Thank you so much for this.
I promise I won't let you down.
OK.
Well, your desk is here.
(GIGGLES) And this is what we need you to get started on.
Everything from here needs to be entered into the database.
OK.
Fine.
Shouldn't be a problem.
Great! (GIGGLES) Look at me.
(AMERICAN ACCENT) I'm a working girl.
(GIGGLES) Looks like it.
UmJulie.
Just one thing.
How do I turn this on? Or maybe that middle name was Sucker.
Well, any further away from home and we'd have to book a flight back.
Well, the owner's bound to see one sometime.
Look at him.
He's such a great dog.
(DOG BARKS) Is it just me or does he look like Brad Pitt? Hey, Brad! Brad, it's me, Angelina! (DOG BARKS) Hey.
Come on, mate.
Heel, heel.
We've got to show Carbo you can behave.
Come on.
Give me a go.
Ooh! Sorry.
Puppy! Puppy, come here.
He just got away from us.
Get down.
Me and dogs, we don't get on.
Just You know that.
Pick up the leash.
Were you attacked as a kid or something? No.
Nothing like that.
Just Dad, he definitely likes you.
Give him a pat.
He won't bite.
He's a dog, isn't he? No, no.
That's alright.
Ben's got him.
See'? (BARKS AND WHINES) Woof! (LAUGHS) I'm kidding! I'm kidding.
Do it.
Do it.
(BARKS) (WHINES) Good dog.
(MACHINERY WHINES) Trish? Wh'? The Indian Pacific was the longest standard-gauge railway before they opened the Alice Springs - Darwin leg of the Ghan.
The Ghan? Named after 'Afghan'.
Camels.
Fascinating.
(GIGGLES) Yes, Julie? Umyes.
Noer, Trish, if you're using the copier, it's a good idea to keep an eye on it - it's jammed.
Temperamental thing.
(LAUGHS) Just like my ex-husband.
Just like my California floppy.
Er, rabbits.
I breed them.
Well, better get back to the grind.
(CH UCKLES) He's so sweet, isn't he? As long as the work's getting done on time, he is.
Oh, Trish! Copier's still jammed.
Yes, of course.
Who do we get to fix that'? Come on.
Saturday night, let me take you out to dinner.
Oh, Jake, I really appreciate the persistence No, you have to eat, anyway.
It can't be that much of a deadline.
When are you gonna see that this is never going to work? I can pick you up after footy.
I'll even let you choose the restaurant.
You don't give up, do you? Nope.
How many times am I gonna have to say no? You keep saying this is not gonna work.
Because it won't! It's never in a million years going Yes, but it does.
We know that.
Yeah, well, animal instinct and common sense are two very different things.
Lucky for us.
(SCOFFS) Come on.
I mean it's one night out of your life.
How bad can it be'? How about one afternoon? Is that a yes? I'll come to the football with you.
OK.
Uh, just so you know, I'm gonna be playing, and that's not with the All Blacks.
No, I'll come to the football with you to prove to you once and for all that you and I may work very well after dark, but during daylight hours We haven't tried during daylight hours.
Oh, no.
You can forget it.
No, no, no.
Great.
Great, perfect.
Perfect.
It'll be fun.
Tomorrow is Ladies' Day.
Oh, good.
Does that mean I get to dress up in a ra-ra skirt and pompoms? It's not a porno, Rach.
It's just our way of saying thanks to the girls who support us.
Right, so you all stand around in yourjockstraps, grunting in gratitude? Yeahif you're lucky.
Whoo! JULIE: Bye, everyone.
Have a lovely weekend.
OK.
Oh, no.
Not more.
I can't believe people do this for their whole lives every day for less than $200 a day.
That's before tax on that.
Oh, YOU pay tax'? Sorry.
I must sound like one of the royal family.
That's alright.
When I come back from holidays, it's a shock as well.
No.
No, no, no, no! What? What's happened? The file I was working on, it's gone.
What do you mean, it's gone? One second it was here and the next second it's not.
Wellwell, what did you do? Nothing.
I hit one of the buttons.
Well, which button? I'm not sure.
Well, did you save it? No.
I don't know.
No'? Or yes.
It flashed something at me.
I hadn't finished working on it.
Alright, well, don't worry.
It'll be on the hard drive somewhere.
Oh, that's a relief.
What was the file called? No, it wasn't called anything.
You didn't give it a name? No, because I hadn't finished working on it.
You're meant to do that when you open a file.
Not right at the end? Tell me you can get it back! (SIGHS) I think the technical term is 'down the gurgler'.
Oh, that's a whole day's work.
Oh, my God! Just go along with what I'm saying.
(LAUGHS WEAKLY) Hi.
How are we going with those spreadsheets? Oh, well, you know - we're getting through them.
They should be finished.
They need to go out Monday.
This is the end-of-year reconciliation.
That's why we'll be here first thing tomorrow to make sure it gets done.
Right.
Well, as long as you're not expecting some sort of Saturday overtime.
Course not.
Are we'? No.
Good.
Well, I'll see you tomorrow, then.
Oh, andthanks for all your hard work today, Trish.
Not a problem, Don.
Thank you so much for giving me a chance.
My feet are killing me.
So how was it? I think I did pretty well.
It was a nightmare! It was everything that I was afraid of.
No, no.
In fact, it was worse.
I thought I'd be a bit rusty, but it was like riding a bike.
And the computer? A little glitch here and there, but, you know, nothing to worry about.
I'm a bit of a natural.
Think the only thing she learned at secretarial school was how to bat her eyelashes.
It was obviously her 'yabba-dabba-doo'.
Hang on, we're talking about Don Barrett here? Yeah, I know.
She was flirting outrageously.
I repeat - Don Barrett, nephew of Ron, breeder of rabbits? Well, she's not looking for a husband, she's trying to disguise the fact she's got no idea what she's doing.
I'm a real find.
That's what Don said.
If I play my cards right, I could make this more permanent.
Short-term pain for long-term gain.
Oooh.
You're a wonderful person for doing this for her.
If I'm so wonderful, how come I spent the whole day wanting to strangle her? Julie just adored me.
(GROANS) (CH UCKLES) It's so nice to have you home.
It's like I've barely seen you.
Well, if you feel the need to make up for lost time, I'm perfectly OK with that.
I have made a decision.
I wanted you to be the first to know.
Mum! Aren't you supposed to be working in the morning'? Yes, I am.
Well, maybe you should lay off the chardonnay.
Oh, don't rain on my parade.
It's Friday night and this is after-work drinkies.
Now, here.
Read this.
Read it.
Uh, yes, it is your marriage certificate.
See what it says.
See what it says right there.
'Patricia Newman'.
I mean, that's who I was.
Patricia Westaway.
The day she threw her name away was the day she threw her life away.
But Il am reclaiming the world.
Patricia Newman.
That - that's my name.
Or even better, Patricia Newwoman.
Although, a new man in time would be fun.
As you were.
Oh, my God.
Is that what I've got to look forward to? Oh, please, God, let it not be so.
What is it? What is it? (BARKS) What is it? What is it? (BARKS ECHO) JULIE: Dave.
You OK'? (SIGHS) Same dream about the dog? He's not barking next door.
He's been quiet.
It's not a dream.
It's real.
It happened.
I was locked in a room with a barking dog and there was gas.
Gas'? Smell of gas, yeah.
And Ringo.
(BARKS) What? Yeah, that was the dog's name, Jules.
I know it was.
I lived through this.
It's not a dream.
It's a memory.
I was there (BARKS) in a room and the dog was barking.
(BARKS) And whatever was happening (BARKS) I was terrified.
(BARKS) (BARKS) (BARKS) (HUMS JAUNTY TUNE) There you go, my love.
Thank you.
Shower free'? Yes, all yours, darling.
(TED CONTINUES HUMMING) (GROANS) If you guys insist on making so much noise, the least you can do is make me a cup of tea.
Not very subtle, is she? Neither is the racket you lot are making.
Now, here you go, madame.
All sugared, stirred.
All you have to do is drink it.
Thank you.
(CH UCKLES) Hey, Mum? Yep? I know I should be a bit more gracious, but when is Trish leaving? As soon as she gets herself back on her feet.
Great.
So, never.
I'm moving next door.
I thought you and Trish had to work today.
Yeah, we do.
(SIGHS) (KNOCK AT DOOR) Whoa, Mum! No, no.
Sorry.
Sammy, I've really got to get to work and there's no sign of Trish, so, Sammy, could you just go in and give her a nudge, please? Mmm.
Thanks.
What is it with mums in this place? Mum? Mum.
Wake up.
(GASPS) Oh.
Oh, my head is gonna explode! Yeah, well, I told you to lay off the wine last night, didn't I'? Um, Trish, we've gotta get going.
I know.
I slept through my alarm, Julie.
I'm sorry, but I'll be as quick as I can.
I promise.
We've got a lot to get through today.
I'll jump in the shower and put a face on.
No, the face you've got might have to do.
I won't be long, I promise.
(SIGHS) (DOOR OPENS) You're late.
Yes, I know.
I'm sorry, Don.
Don't be sorry.
Just get the job finished.
I shouldn't have to talk to you about this, Julie.
OK.
Let's get this done as quickly as possible so we can get home and start enjoying the weekend.
Here's to that.
Absolutely.
I'll just get myself a coffee first.
Don, I'm making coffee.
Would you like one? Yes.
Thanks for asking, Trish.
(YELLING AND CHEERING) Yeah! Rachel.
Hey.
Thought you weren't gonna show.
Now you're here.
Yes, I am.
And you're all dirty and sweaty.
Yeah.
And I saw Camel drenched you in beer.
Yeah.
Idiot.
(CH UCKLES) Did he feel the need to do that for a particular reason? We won.
We're in the finals.
We, uh, creamed those yuppies at Sydney Uni last week and now this, so we're legends.
Oh, yeah, you're legends.
That's very mature.
Look, I'm just gonna go and have a shower.
I'll be back in a sec, alright? Hey, Jake.
It was a great game.
Hey.
Like I said, it's Ladies' Day, so Yeah, it's for us girls who come to every game - all season, without fail.
To say thank you.
Every game.
OK, uhI'll be back in a sec.
Yes! Champions! (OCKER ACCENT) Tragic waste of beer, if you aks me.
I'm Chyna.
Like the country but not spelt like it.
My mum's a racist.
Hi.
I'm Rachel.
I didn't know I was supposed to frock up.
Oh, the whole Ladies' Day thing.
Yeah, explain that to me again.
It's for us girls who come every game, all season They do it every year and, yeah, it's sorta lame.
But, hey, free champers.
Four glasses.
Six if you get your girls out.
(CHUCKLES) What's the story? How do you know Jake? He works for my dad.
Is he your boyfriend? No.
Well, have you slept with him? Jeez, Tanya! Give the girl a break.
She hasn't even got a drink yet.
Wanna get a drink? Sure.
Subtle.
So if you're not Jake's girlfriend, what are you doing here? OK.
Tanya, Rachel.
Rachel, Tanya.
Jake and I have a thing going on.
Just so you know.
Tans, he gave you a lift home! Once.
That's not exactly a thing.
So are you his girlfriend or not? Mmm, no, I'm not.
We're just I can't really give you a name for it.
I don't think there is one.
Um, so, hey, are we just here for the sausage sizzle? Do the boys actually ever show their faces'? They're in the showers, bonding.
And yes, it always takes this long.
(CH UCKLES) Don't go there, I reckon.
So why do we bother turning up if they're just gonna ignore us all afternoon? Oh, well, usually we don't.
Not until five minutes before the end of the game, same way you did.
Nice work, by the way.
So today's really just all about the free champers.
And the game.
All season.
Without fail.
No, it's the champers, really.
Um, so am I gonna get to see Jake at all, or is the afternoon total segregation? (MEN SHOUT IN DISTANCE) You wanna perv on Jake? Hey, it's my hole.
I found it.
Made it, she means.
You guys serious? I know.
Well, we've got to do something to entertain ourselves.
Who can you see'? Is it Jake? Oh, yeah.
And I think he's been doing some major time on the Stairmaster.
You sure you don't want a squiz? Hey, me first.
It's my hole! Tans, take a chill pill.
New girl first.
Thank you.
Yes, I might just have a little look.
(CHUCKLES) Oh, my God! You set that up.
You set Oh, gorillas in the mist! (LAUGHS) Give me a look! I guess that serves us right.
Another drink? Mmm.
I'm gonna need another bottle to erase that image.
(LAUGHS) Oh, what is that'? Don't let Carbo see you drinking out of here.
OK, that's it.
Two shoes and he's gone.
I told you, didn't I'? Keep him out of Mum's room.
We did.
He didn't go near it.
So who chewed this? It's not even the same pair.
Mel, have you been munching on shoes again? Don't joke.
You're not good at it.
The dog has to go.
No.
Today.
He goes to the pound, end of story.
Carbo, look at him.
Look! He's old.
No-one's gonna give him a home.
He's gonna sit in a cage and rot until he dies or worse.
Poor Fang.
Alone, nameless.
(BARKS) Hey, Ben.
Yep? Call him back to you.
Call him Ringo.
Ringo? Yeah.
Just try it.
Ringo (PATS THIGHS) .
.
come here.
(BARKS) Hey, Ringo.
(BARKS) Uh, no.
Forget it.
It's alright.
Well No, no.
Never mind.
Just forget it.
Uh, what was that about? Isn't it obvious? All that barking's turned him mental.
OK, that's it.
Ringo, Dingo, Blingo, whatever your name is, you go.
End of story.
OK.
But you have to take him back.
Mate, you can't put this on me.
I didn't bring him here.
You're the one that wants him gone, you have to take him back.
End of story.
And no votes.
Come on, Mel.
OK, no worries.
You gutless wonders.
I'll do it.
I'm no softie.
Hey, don't look at me like that.
I'm Greek.
(CHUCKLES) You guys right for drinks? GIRLS: Mmm.
No undies.
Nup.
(SNIGGERS) What? She just noticed you're not wearing any underpants.
Yeah.
(SCOFFS) Who wants a VPL in this dress? Visible panty line.
Oh, yeah.
I got that.
Yeah.
VPLs - so cheap.
She never wears undies - not on the day of the game.
OK, so, seriously, what's the deal with her and Jake? What's it to you? 'Cause you and Jake, there's nothing goin' on.
No, no.
You're just here because you like footy.
That's right.
Tanya's not the one Jake's into.
You've come up in conversation a couple of times.
What has he said? So you do care.
What has he said? Hardly anything.
That's my point.
That's how I can tell he has a total thing for you.
We say your name and he blushes.
No way! He does, really! I've always wanted to learn how to fish.
Oh, I don't fish.
Oh, but you said you made those little fly things.
I do.
That's why I breed rabbits.
I use their furbut I don't fish.
Oh, I'm not interrupting anything, am I'? No.
Don was just telling me about his other hobby.
Fly fish Not fishing.
Fly making'? Tying, fly tying.
Great.
Well, you know what? We've actually got work to do.
And unless you start pitching in, we're gonna be here all day, alright? (SIGHS) Oops.
I'm in trouble now.
Looks like those pregnancy hormones are really starting to kick in.
What? Well, this could be the longest nine months in history.
Am I hearing correctly? Is this some kind of a joke? Are youpregnant? Uncle Ron owns this company, not you.
Uncle Ron is on extended sick leave.
(SCOFFS) And I am running this company as his proxy.
And I am only just past the first trimester.
I didn't want to go blabbing the news until I was sure everything was OK.
There is a big difference between telling me, the legal and rightful representative of this company, and telling the rest of the world.
No, there's not.
Let me get some paper.
I'm gonna make a list.
No common courtesy, no loyalty to her long-time employer.
You've been here eight weeks.
Now I'm talking about Uncle Ron.
Well, it is up to me to decide when people should be told, and I'm not gonna stand here and let you turn this into a personal slight.
Whether I am pregnant or not, it makes no difference.
An employer cannot discriminate on those grounds.
So what does it matter when you hear the news? I'll have to replace you at some point.
You're a fixture around here.
That's not gonna be easy.
(SCOFFS) I'm a fixture.
Isn't this fixture feeling appreciated right now'? Now that I know, we can look out for someone to step into your job.
Oh.
We have Trish here with us.
Maybe she can do it.
(SCOFFS) You really think Trish is up to taking my job? That's what I'm trying to say.
Good workers don't just fall from the trees.
That's why you should have told me.
Full credit to Trish for letting me in on the secret.
Hey.
Last ones.
No, I told you - we get the girls out.
I am not flashing my boobs - for anything.
Not bubbly.
Not cheap bubbly.
Alright, maybe, but let's just finish these ones first.
Cheers.
Mmm.
(SIGHS) Speaking of flashing, has Jake said anything? Oh, God.
Did he tell you about that'? About what? What Tanya did at the last away game.
Other team are heading for a certain try, Tanya does the boob flash, guys drop the ball stone dead.
Knock on.
Knockers on, more like.
(LAUGHS) Good one.
Mmm.
It's amazing what you'll do in the heat of the moment.
What do you mean? Sorry.
You are in so much trouble.
Hey.
Rachel, isn't it? Yeah.
Camel.
Sorry, I didn't recognise you with your top on.
JAKE: Camel! What? Did you flash? It was a feminist statement.
Jake, that was such a great game.
That try you scored - brilliant.
Totally awesome.
Aha.
Tanya.
Can I get you a drink? Are you hungry? Can get you something to eat.
Actually, my friend's been waiting for me, so I'd better make sure she's OK.
You know she doesn't even like football.
I like football.
She got here when the game was already over.
So shoot me.
I'm here now.
She perved on your guys in the locker room! She's not even wearing any undies.
Oh, shut up, you skank.
Whoa! Hey, hey, hey, hey.
(SQUEALS) Calm down.
She's just kidding.
Can we please just go? I'm sorry, I can't.
I'm with Rachel.
How about we go and check out the undie stands'? Oh, don't waste your money on that rubbish.
What are you drinking? Good luck.
So when they say 'no undies', what exactly Good luck with what? You're talking to me now, are you, after ignoring me all afternoon? Right.
So I'm in trouble, aren't I'? Do I get the chance to grovel? Is it the thrill of the chase'? Is that what it is? You know, it's like a little game and I keep saying no and you always have to be the one who wins.
No.
(CHUCKLES) Then why invite me to a football game and spend the entire afternoon ignoring me and hanging out with your teammates'? I didn't ask you.
You invited yourself.
As a way of showing me that this is a big mistake.
Yeah, 'cause it seems like we spend most of our time insulting each other.
But then I talked to your friend Chyna What? What did she say? I just want you to tell me what this is.
(SIGHS) Women like to spend a lot of time chatting.
It's like your place the other day.
What is that supposed to mean? Well, everyone's there for a full-on meeting on what to name a baby.
I mean, seriously, is it that difficult? You don't think a name is an important thing? Well, it's just making things more complicated than they are.
Look, OK.
Maybe you're right.
(SIGHS) Part of me thinks I wouldn't have a chance in hell of getting someone like you.
But I'm not after a trophy.
So, what, then? What do you think? Why does someone put in so muchso much groundwork'? Is that what today was? Oh Groundwork.
(CHUCKLES) Hmm.
(SIGHS) I like you.
That's it, end of story.
You've gone bright red.
Have not.
Yes, you have.
Yeah, well, I've been running round on a footy field all day.
You like me.
(CHUCKLES) I just said that, didn't I'? Yes, you did.
And for that, you get to take me on a proper date.
It doesn't need to be more complicated than that, does it? How about I cook dinner tonight? It's fine.
I've taken something out of the freezer.
How was work? Oh, well, it didn't take us nearly as long as we thought it would, thank goodness.
Julie, I'm sorry.
What for'? I mean, I didn't know that you hadn't said anything to Don.
There's no way I would have said anything otherwise.
But you know, for the record, I think it's very unfair that you're taking it out on me.
(SCOFFS) I mean, Don has a point.
He deserves to know that he needs to find a replacement.
You spend all day flirting with the boss and now you're gonna tell me how to be the model employee? I think it's best if we just drop the subject.
Especially if you're gonna turn it into a personal attack.
Pers'?! No, I'm just stating the facts, Trish.
You were sitting on his desk.
Every time I wanted you to do something, you were sitting on his desk! Uh, no of fence, Mum, but that is wrong on so many levels.
We have gone out of our way to help you.
The whole family has welcomed you into this home and this is how you say thanks - by blurting out my private business and then trying to justify it! MEL: How long will they give him before, um The old green dream? Final doghouse? Big lamppost in the sky? Alright.
OK, stop it, OK'? I can't take it anymore.
Look, stop making me feel so guilty.
I love dogs, alright? Normally, I love 'em.
But it was us or it was him.
(DOG BARKS) Someone has to make the tough decisions.
I can't take it anymore.
Seriously.
MEL: (GASPS) Hey! Hi, boy! You're still here! I couldn't do it.
I got there, right outside, and the look in his eyes - I couldn't do it.
Had to bring him home.
And that doesn't mean he's allowed to run wild, OK'? He stays out of Mum's room and it's not my job to pick up his landmines.
Carbo, I love you so much right now, I'd pick up your landmines.
That's a joke, by the way.
I figured.
Thank you.
Hey, where's his lead? I left it on the doorknob.
(BARKS) Doorknob? (BARKS) You left it on the doorknob? (BARKS) Hey, what do you reckon? That's amazing! That's his name.
Doorknob it is.
(BARKS) Oh, it never makes you feel any better.
Blowing your stack? Every now and again it does.
Well, this isn't one of those times.
I mean, I want to help Trish, I really do, but I just you know, I've got to the point where I feel like I need to be selfish.
I spent the whole day today feeling stressed.
That's not good.
It's not good for me or the baby.
Maybe we should book Trish into a motel for a couple of nights so she can sort things out.
Is that fair? Her money's not gonna last forever and that's all she has.
She can't hold down a data entry job at Barrett's, what hope's she got in the real world? Well, she'll get there eventually.
It can't be easy.
She just thought she knew where her life was going and suddenly she had to reassess everything.
Hey, guys.
Guess what - the dog stays.
And it's Doorknob, by the way, not Ringo.
So have you got any leftover mince or anything in the fridge? Uh, yeah.
Where? In the fridge.
Sorry, what were you saying about reassessing? I don't know - it's just hard to face up to things, just when you thought you had them all figured out.
Trish Don't worry.
I know you've come to ask me to leave, and I don't blame you.
You're right - you've bent over backwards for me and I've taken advantage.
Trish, I'm sorry.
It's just we've got so many people living here and I'm sorry too.
I really am.
And you're right about Don.
You know, all that hanging on his every word.
It's how Trish Westaway got by all the time.
Trish Newman.
(SCOFFS) Who the hell is she, anyway'? Work in progress? Complete disaster.
Look, it's not an easy thing you're facing up to, I know that.
It's not your problem.
By tomorrow, I promise, I'll be out of your hair.
Ohno.
Julie, it's fine, really.
I don't blame you at all.
(PHONE RINGS) I want you to stay.
Just till you get back on your feet.
Julie, thank you.
DAVE: Jules.
Jules? Excuse me.
Summer is on the phone.
Hello.
Summer, hi.
(GASPS) Oh, congratulations.
That's fantastic! When? Yeah? Oh, that's great.
And the baby's good, everything's perfect? Great.
Sorry? Oh, well, no.
That's up to you, I suppose.
No, it's fine.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Listen, I can hear the baby crying.
I probably should let you go.
Yeah, thanks.
Bye.
She's stolen my name.
What? Summer.
She's had a boy and she's called it Finnegan.
That was my name.
I told her that was my name.
She knew that! Well, I don't think we took a patent out on it.
You cannot steal someone else's name, Dave.
What planet are you from? We don't know if Finnegan's gonna be a boy.
Well, if he is, it is his name.
Can't they both have the same name? Oh I reckon they've done him a favour.
You know what I always said Oh, âFinnegan Rafter was gonna be an alcoholic.
" I know.
JULIE: (NARRATES) Vl/hat's in a name? I mean, honestly.
Oh, I It's just a string of letters, vowels and consonants.
Get over it.
I liked Finnegan.
I mean, can it really shape who you are? Change the person you were meant to be? (BARKS) (BARKS ECHO) BOY: Mummy! (GAS PS) I was just a little kid, Jules.
A baby.
I was just I was trying to open the door.
What? I have to know their names.
Whose names? I didn't think it mattered.
I'veI've lived this long without knowing, but something happened back then, something something that might have affected my whole life.
(SIGHS) I've got to know my parents' names, Jules.
Vl/hat's in a name? I have to open that door.
Everything, apparently.