Phineas and Ferb s03e60 Episode Script

Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today! A quilt?! No way! I mean, I know it's been a long summer and you guys are running out of ideas and– That's okay.
Buford.
You don't have to hang with us everyday.
No, no! I mean, I mean I don't wanna play alone.
I'll turn into a cat-kid.
What's a cat-kid? It's a kid version of a cat lady.
Quick! Somebody say, "where's Perry?".
Where's Perry? You're always there for me.
Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated! Oh, it's you.
Yeah, sorry, no time for trap.
It's nothing personal, you see, today is the annual L.
O.
V.
E.
M.
U.
F.
F.
I.
N.
Summer Stock Festival and I got the title role, so I have to take over the Tri-State Area by 3:30 if I wanna make curtain! Uh, that doesn't leave me much time for, you know, the trapping and the fighting.
So instead I built this! The Trip-To-The-Desert-inator! It's going to send you to the desert, and I can get on with my day.
Don't bother running, 'cause I've installed a Perry-Track-inator.
It's going to follow you no matter where you– Oh, great! Now I'm in the middle of nowhere! Now I'll never be able to take over the Tri-State Area before.
the play.
Now I'll never be able to take over the Tri-State Area before.
the play.
Wait, wait, d-don't leave me here! Uh Perry the Platypus, please! It's important to me! And if this works out, I might give up evil for acting! Won't you give me that chance, to succeed at something that might very well turn my life away from the evil path? Do it for the kids.
Do it for the orphans.
that I might perform in front of someday if I ever do a show in an orphanage.
I don't want to be ungrateful or anything, but is there any way to speed this up? I gotta be in the make-up chair at 4 o'clock.
Hey, what about this turbo switch? That oughta shave off some time, huh? Right, yeah? Some pilot you are.
Oh, sure, blame the victim.
Like you didn't know about my switch-flipping compulsion.
Oh, now you're mad, sure.
I don't know why I tried to be nice, I should have just trapped you, I could have been out of the hospital and on my way to the theater by now.
Instead they'll end up using my understudy.
Ugh, I hate that guy! So, if Doofenshmirtz is late, I get to go on? If he's not right in time for his entrance, you can have the part.
I guess it is summer and we're in the desert, but I-I feel like it's unseasonably warm out here.
I feel warm.
Do you feel warm? Why do we always see cow skulls in the desert? And why do you only see the skull? Did the body die somewhere else? I-It makes no sense.
Oh, I'm sorry, am I talking too much for you? Fine.
I'll be quiet.
I can shut up.
I don’t have to talk all the time.
It's not like I have to fill the space.
If you want silence, I'll give you silence! You watch! And it's gonna be deafening! Mark my words! Why do they say "mark my words" ? I mean, th-they just mean listen to my words, why don't they just say "listen to my words"? (Song: Heck of a Day) Nowhere to go, nothing to see Except sand and sand and sand, and you and me Hey, look how big the sun is through this magnifying glass.
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh! No, really, it's huge, you should see it.
Baked from the heat, we've got sun on all sides Getting tanned and tanned, like we're a couple of hides I mean, he drives a taxi, for heaven's sake, he can work anywhere.
But he expects her to just pack up and move to Vegas.
I mean, seriously.
Two lost nomads who will never be missed Some might interpret this as just a karmic slap on the wrist But I've just gotta say it's a heck of a day to be us! Oh, yeah I was sure my arm would grow back, but it never did.
See? Pure titanium.
It's a fact.
It's a heck of a day to not have a car And just walk and walk and not know where you are You don't communicate, you know that? Y-You don't share.
I know nothing about your private life.
You're very closed off.
Closed, that's you.
We got no kind of a map Nothing to show us the way And it's just talk and talk and talk with nothing to say It's a heck of a day, a heck of a day to be us! It's a heck of a day to be us! So I never touched an iguana again.
Actually, that's not entirely true.
There was one time, back in a– Ooh! Ooh, ooh, ooh! Look, Perry the Platypus, look! Y-You see, up there? Two tires and an axle! Ah, pretty soon we'll be rolling out of here! We're just gotta– Gotta hop this fence.
What do you mean, "no"?! No trespassing! O-Oh, you gotta be kidding! You know what, Perry the Platypus? I just have my third realization of the day.
I had two earlier but I didn't share them with you.
I've realized that the thing that's kept me from succeeding all this years isn't my parents not showing up after my birth, it isn't my eight-month sting as an organ grinder monkey, it isn't the time I got my arm stuck under that boulder, also titanium now, see? It isn't any of those things.
You know what it is? It's you! You are what's been holding me back all these years.
Oh, very clever.
Take my accusing finger and point it back at me.
So– So, you think I'm responsible for my failures, why– You're wrong! I can prove it.
If you'd just let me try my junkyard scheme without interfering, it will prove to you that you are the source of all my failures! A little boost here, Perry the Platypus? No, no, you're right.
You're right, by myself.
Okay, all I have to do is– Okay, okay, okay, just this once I failed and you had nothing to do with it.
But did you have to let me trip all three bear traps? I mean, c'mon! Why not here in the hot sun working on ways to get us back to Danville and you've never even offered me so much as a glass of water or– or a tetanus shot! I-I'm going it alone.
As a matter of fact, I'm sick of you and your smug face! I don't wanna see it any more.
I'm going to close my eyes and count to three, and when I'm done, you'd better be gone.
And it'll be just like when you're here, except you won't be here! One Two Three! Hey, he really– Fine, then! I can find the bus station on my own.
When I said I wanted a sea otter for Christmas, they said I have to pick my present from the bottom shelf of the kitchen caustic's aisle at the supermarket so– So I picked the oven cleaner.
I love that oven cleaner.
Oven cleaner! Hey, a bus station! Danville and point east! Ticket, please! I-I don't have a ticket for the– I've got to get to Danville to be in a play, I– I've just gotta, I don't have any money, I'm tired and dirty and it's all my fault.
I've– It's always been my fault! I'm a failure.
I'm a failure! I'm a failure.
So no ticket? So no ticket? I'm a failure.
Two bus tickets? Oh, Perry the Platypus, you're mensch.
I-I know I can be testy and unpleasant and– I know I tend to ramble on and on, to be fair, the burden of conversation is kinda all on me in our relationship.
Uh And I-I know that I haven't always given you the respect you deserve.
Anyway, I want you to know that you are appreciated, Perry the Platypus.
You.
Are.
Appreciated.
You.
Are.
Appreciated.
You.
Are.
Appreciated.
Oh, hey now, check it out.
Look, uh, see? A tear.
The universal secretion for sincerity.
I-I'll just save that for next time.
Come on, you can have a window seat.
Hold it! No animals allowed! Tough break.
Thanks for the ticket though.
Sweet! It's air-conditioned in here! It's not like I wanted to go to the desert.
He– He just jet-packed into me and dragged me along.
"No animals on the bus", it's not my rule.
It's– It's company policy.
I-It's not my fault.
Are you talking to me? And what does he expect, h-he's my nemesis.
I'm a stone-cold villain.
I'm ruthless.
I have no "ruths".
Still, he– He looked so sad and pathetic when the bus pulled away, and– Huh, I should think of something else.
Uh Kreplach! Kreplach, Eastern European comfort food.
You like kreplach? As a matter of fact, I do.
When I was a little girl, my grandmother and I would make kreplach.
First, we would roll out th– Enough of your blabbering on and on! My little nemesis is out there all alone.
I– I can't believe it! Stop the bus! Stop the bus! Stop the bus! Stop the bus! Stop– What's going on? Hey, what gives? I can't believe it.
Enjoying the shade, Perry the Platypus? It's your jetpack! I found it stuck in the mouth of a fiberglass dinosaur.
I mean, how often does that happen when you really need it? Climb aboard.
Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Doofy doofy doofy doofy doofy doofy Doofenshmirtz! One minute till curtain.
Looks like Doofy's a no-show.
Perry the Platypus, we're running out of time! We're not gonna make it! Are you trapping me? But we were getting along so– The turbo switch? Are you kidding? I-I can't control this thing at that speed.
O-Okay, Perry the Platypus.
If you think so.
Oh, well, Doofenshmirtz, the show must go on, without you.
And there's my cue.
I shall never go hungry again.
Pizza del– Pizza delivery! Oh, my! What an entrance! We got him good! And I couldn't have done it without you.
Oh, why, Perry the Platypus See, I knew I'd need it later! That was amazing! I never thought quilting could be so much fun! Think of the possibilities! Needlepoint! Embroidery! Tapestry! I'm headin' down to the fabric store right now! Broquet! Taffeta! Saddle stitch! Actually, I didn't find it all that exciting.
Yeah, me either.
Never getting that day back.
Whew, stinker-roo.
Baked from the heat, we've got sun on all sides Getting tanned and tanned, like we're a couple of hides I mean, he drives a taxi, for heaven's sake, he can work anywhere.
But he expects her to just pack up and move to Vegas.
I mean, seriously.
Two lost nomads who will never be missed Some might interpret this as just a karmic slap on the wrist But I've just gotta say it's a heck of a day to be us!