Pie In The Sky (1994) s04e03 Episode Script

Chinese Whispers

1 [LAUGHTER] S04xE03 "Chinese Whispers" Sep 29, 1996 [MEOWING] [GLASS SHATTERS] LI: Mei! [SPEAKING CHINESE] [EXTINGUISHER SPRAYING] Are you going to call the police? [SPEAKS CHINESE] Speak in English, Dad! The police would come, and people will see.
It would only make things even worse.
HENRY: Hello, Mei.
MEI: Your order´s almost ready.
What happened to the door? An accident.
What are you reading? Oh, inorganic chemistry.
Number 52? Hi, Henry! Night off, eh? That´s right, Li.
Where´s my lemon chicken, then? Coming up! We had a fire on Saturday night, and it wasn´t an accident.
What happened? Rags soaked in petrol, pushed through the letter box.
And last week, some white kids chased Dad through the station car park.
I´ve never seen him so frightened.
Did he report it? MEI: No.
I told him he must, but he won´t.
He thinks it´ll just make things worse.
It´s racial harassment, but he won´t do anything.
What makes you think it was racial? What else could it be? I bet it was the same ones who started the fire.
Look, can you help? Well, there´s not much I can do if he won´t report it.
I´ve put a little treat in there, Henry.
Is it anything to do with pastry by any chance? Aha.
Aha, I will get to the bottom of this one day, Li.
Granny makes the pastry round here, don´t she, Mei? Yeah, yeah.
It´s her secret, not mine, Henry.
You have to get it from her.
We´ll see, Li.
We´ll see.
- Bye-bye.
- I´ll see you later.
Mei seems to think it was a racist attack.
Sometimes I despair of this country.
The Chens have been here since the ´60s.
They´ve been in Middleton longer than most other people.
Have you seen those kids that hang around the marketplace in the evening? I don´t think long-term residency cuts much ice with them.
Whoa! Custard tarts, fantastic.
Well, you´re going to do something.
Well, there´s not much I can do.
Could always have a word with the bobby on the beat, I suppose, but that´s about it.
Mmm! This pastry is amazing.
Well, I can see you´re well impressed with the delicate flavor and subtle texture.
[LAUGHS] This is marvelous, Henry.
I know.
We´re in the Great British Grub Competition.
The what? You know, that competition between restaurants sponsored by the whatsit, the breweries.
You know.
No, I don´t know.
MARGARET: They wrote ages ago, asking us if we´d wanted to take part.
I´m sure I told you.
A competition? Mm.
The Great British Grub Competition? Be good publicity.
No, Margaret.
And fun.
Margaret, no.
Well, Bollands Brewery have been sponsoring this Great British Grub Competition, and one of our customers wrote in and nominated us.
Marvelous, eh? Really? Brilliant.
That´s great.
- Yes, isn´t it? - Try one of those.
So, what happens then? Well, all the judges eat at all the restaurants that have been nominated and the best four go forward to the final at the Empire Hotel in London.
Great pastry.
´Tis, isn´t it? Li Chen´s mother made it.
I wish I knew how she did it.
So, British Grub, what does that mean anyway? It means us, Henry.
Oh, yes, well, look at the menu.
Now, then Gazpacho.
Courgette risotto.
Italian, of course.
Even the apple tart´s made the way they do it in France.
Right, let´s see.
We have smoked eel, we have steak and kidney pie, and we have Stilton.
English grub, Henry.
Yes, it´s all food, Margaret.
It doesn´t need a passport.
Oh, come on, Chef.
It´ll be such a laugh.
What do you think, Gary? Well, we do great food.
Why not show it off? Exactly.
Mei, you stay here today with me.
I can´t, Dad.
I´ve got exams.
You don´t have exams today.
Well, I´ve got to revise.
You can revise here.
Yes, and you´ll say, "Please help me in the takeaway, Mei, just for five minutes.
" Your mother would have wanted you to help me.
My mother would have wanted me to pass my exams.
[SPEAKING CHINESE] [SIGHS] I do respect my father, actually, but I´ve got physics in two days´ time, okay? Bye.
[SPEAKS CHINESE] Mind if I join you, Dave? Henry Crabbe in the canteen? I must be hallucinating.
Well, I just thought I´d check out the real world for a change.
You don´t want to know, mate.
You know that area car that flashes through Middleton every once in a blue moon? Is that anything to do with you? SMITH: Yeah, those´ll be my lads.
What exactly have you got in there? HENRY: Oh, it´s just omelet, spring onions, and a bit of leftover ratatouille.
So, anyway, our local Chinese takeaway has been having a bit of bother lately, so I wondered if you could do me a favor? Could you see that the area car does a pass there every once in a while? SMITH: Yeah, I´ll see what I can do.
Thank you.
But we´ve got this car-crime situation at the moment.
They´ve all been at it in the residential district, so we double the patrols.
They moved up to the shopping precinct.
So we stuck up cameras, bosh.
They went back to the residential district again.
You mean you´re really going to eat a cold omelet? HENRY: Yes, Dave.
Would you like to try some? Yeah, all right, if you insist.
Give us your plate, then.
I made that ratatouille once.
Good it was.
Aubergine, onion, courgette.
You got to use good olive oil.
Otherwise, forget it.
I usually put a bay leaf in.
Yeah, nice.
That´s a fair cop, that is.
Do you mind if I have a little taste? Be my guest.
SMITH: Do you want the rest of my pasty, Crabbe? [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] [HORN HONKS] Hello.
HENRY: Hello, Mei.
Could you spare me a minute? Yeah, sure.
HENRY: Thanks.
I´ve had a word with a couple of friends of mine at the police station, and they´ve promised to keep an eye on the takeaway.
Oh, thanks.
Now, if anything happens, anything at all, promise me you´ll be in touch.
I promise.
HENRY: Good.
How´s your father? He´s okay.
Everything all right at home? Yeah, apart from stupid Sam hanging around all the time with his stupid face.
"Hello, Mei! How are you today?" Ugh.
He makes me sick.
See, since Mum died, Dad wants me in the takeaway all the time.
It´s worse now my brother Danny´s gone to San Francisco.
Well, it can´t be easy for him.
Yeah, I suppose.
Danny earns $60,000 a year, and you can see the Golden Gate Bridge from his apartment.
I wouldn´t want to be in computers, though.
Too male-dominated.
The glass ceiling for women is horrendously low.
No, I want to be a doctor.
- [HORN HONKING] - Good.
Oh, look, thanks, Mr.
Crabbe, but I´ve got to go.
HENRY: Right.
[GRUNTS] Morning, Chef.
Morning, Gary.
Eh, big day today.
Why´s that? The competition.
Oh, yes, the competition.
Well, the competition is this evening.
In the meantime, I´d be very grateful if you could contain your excitement so you can get through lunch.
Yes, Chef.
Don´t be late, Dad.
You and Sam will be all right.
You´re a good team.
You don´t need me.
I can´t, Dad.
I´ve got things to do.
I´ve got important business in London.
Yeah, right, drinking whiskey in Chinatown.
- What was that? - Nothing.
Important business, Mei.
So I can´t tell you when I´ll be back.
Well, I´m going out tonight whether you´re back or not! Ugh! How are you today, Mei? Well? Well, what? How do I look? For the judges? It´s supposed to be an ordinary working evening.
Well, I brought another top in case.
I´ll show you that one.
Ooh, that´s nice.
Everything all right? No, it´s not.
Everyone´s going mad.
Yes, ´cause the judges will be here soon.
Margaret, it´s supposed to be an ordinary working [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] Jack Bolland, the chairman of Bollands.
Anita Block, the restaurant critic.
How do you do? And this, of course, is our celebrity judge, the actor Harrington Smithfield.
How absolutely wonderful to meet you.
Well, it´s really wonderful to meet you.
Listen, Margaret says you´ve got to come and say hello.
Pippa the P.
woman is just about to do the intros.
Pippa the P.
woman? Yeah, come on.
You must get terribly bored with hearing people say this, but I really am a very great fan.
Too kind, too kind.
Harrington, this is Henry Crabbe who´s responsible for the lovely food we´re going to be eating this evening.
Sorry? Henry Crabbe.
Don´t forget.
We´re just normal customers on a normal working evening, so good luck.
I, for one, would adore to see you get through to the cook-off in London.
Cook-off? Cook off, you.
Is she telling me to cook off? Nobody tells me to cook off.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] I say, is there any danger of a little aperitif? Oh, sure.
Listen, I hope you don´t mind me saying this, but I thought you were fantastic in "Lover´s Tiff.
" That´s very kind.
One does one´s best.
My mum used to let me stay up late to watch it.
Really? How sweet.
God, that was years ago.
What have you been doing since then? Would you be so kind as to fetch me a double vodka? No, make that a quadruple.
Save you running backwards and forwards.
As soon as poss.
Hmm? By the by, our hostess Margaret? I suppose she´s attached.
Married, do you mean? Yes.
To Henry.
Ah, quel dommage.
Extraordinarily handsome woman.
Absolutely slap bang up my alley.
Oh, well.
Too kind.
Do you have that mustard dressing for the salmon? Done.
Pies? Been in 20 minutes.
Liver? Cut up, rolled with flour, and ready to cook.
Leek and potato? In the fridge.
Come on, you two.
Time to have your photograph taken.
- Oh, no, no, no.
- Come on, yes.
Margaret, no.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] Margaret, what is that? Don´t panic.
It´ll come down as soon as they´ve taken the photographs.
Right, let´s get organized.
- Margaret, Henry.
- Yes.
Which way? Milady.
Thank you, thank you.
Jack, you´re there.
- Here, you mean? - Yes.
Anita, you´re over there.
Oh, Margaret, sorry.
You´re standing.
Standing? [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] MAN: All right, folks.
Big smiles.
Thank you.
Okay? What is that? That´s white-wine vinegar and extra-virgin olive oil, sir.
The obsession with olive oil in this country is not only offensive, it´s against nature.
The olive is not a native of these shores.
It´s as simple as that.
It won´t grow here.
The climate isn´t suitable, as any schoolboy will tell you.
What about good British butter? What about dripping, eh? Great British products are being swept aside by this tide of overpriced foreign oil.
Now, then, Jack, you old misery, we´re here to enjoy ourselves.
Henry, why don´t you take us through the menu? I´d be delighted to.
To start, we can have leek and potato soup which is blended with cream and chilled, which, strictly speaking, makes it vichyssoise, which is, of course, French.
Then we could have liver and onions.
Now, the liver is cut in thin strips in the Venetian manner, alla Veneziana, which makes it Italian, of course.
And, finally, we could have orange sorbet.
Now, sorbet, as you probably know, is water ice, and water ice was first found in Europe in the 17th century, in Italy, so I suppose that´s another one down to Johnny Foreigner.
Look, Jack, steak and kidney pie.
- Went quite well, I thought.
- Oh, very well.
I particularly enjoyed your verbal assault on the chairman of Bollands.
Well, he brought it on himself, didn´t he? Did you hear him banging on about the olive? The man´s a raving lunatic.
Never mind about the olive.
You´ve probably ruined our chances in the competition.
[TELEPHONE RINGS] Pie in the Sky, hello.
Hello, Mei.
What´s wrong? You sit tight.
I´ll be right there.
I´ve got to go out for half an hour.
See you.
The man´s impossible.
It could have been worse.
He wanted to stick olive oil in the bloke´s apple crumble.
[LAUGHS] [KNOCK ON DOOR] I didn´t tell him I´d called you.
- So he might be a bit upset.
- I understand.
Someone to see you, Dad.
Henry, what are you doing here? You phoned him, didn´t you? How many times do I have to tell you? Do not phone the police.
I´m here as a friend, Li.
Just calm down and tell him what happened.
There´s nothing to tell.
I went to London for the day, I catch the train back.
When I walk to the van in the car park, they attack me.
Who´s "they," Li? LI: Boys, kids, thugs.
Three of them.
HENRY: Were they the same ones that chased you before? No, no, no.
They are different.
Would you recognize them again if you saw them? No, they had scarves, you know, over their faces.
Well, then, how could you tell they weren´t the same two that chased you the first time? They´re different, that´s all.
What time was this? 10:00.
But the London trains run on the half-hour, don´t they? Maybe it was 9:30.
I don´t know.
They are in the car park.
When I walked to the van in the car park, they attack me.
They hit me and I fall, then they run away.
And that´s when you hurt your arm? - When they hit you? - Yes.
You know, this is a really bad graze, Li, just from falling down.
Did you hit your head at the same time? Oh, Henry, no more questions, no more questions.
I´m just trying to establish what happened.
It´s not your business now.
So, Henry, go away.
It´s for the family only.
Okay, I´ll go.
But you must get that arm seen to.
And if you ever want to tell me what really happened, give me a ring, okay? Don´t you believe him? Do you think he´s making this all up? [SPEAKING CHINESE] It´s not my fault! Why is it always my fault? [SPEAKING CHINESE] [ARGUING IN CHINESE] [KNOCK ON DOOR] Hello, Li.
Good to see you.
How´s your arm? It´s fine now, fine.
You´ve come here to make a complaint, presumably.
No, no, no.
I just took Mei to school, and I said to myself, "I must apologize to Henry.
" No, it´s not necessary.
You are such a good friend to us, and I was so rude to you last night.
No, Li, please forget it.
Now, just go downstairs, make out a complaint, and we´ll see what we can do to help you.
I complain and these people will be caught? I don´t think so, Henry.
Neither do you.
Okay, then, if it happens again, I promise I´ll report it.
But maybe it won´t.
So I´ve brought a little present for you.
No, I´m sorry.
I can´t.
It´s just a little token of my respect.
Whatever it is, Li, I absolutely refuse to accept it.
Granny´s pastry.
Good God.
It´s my pastry, really, as you guessed.
Actually, it´s two pastries.
That´s the secret.
Number one pastry is flour and lard.
Number two pastry is flour, egg, and butter.
Make separately and then combine.
I don´t know what to say.
Don´t say anything, Henry.
Now I must go back to work.
Gary? Listen, it´s me.
Li´s pastry.
I´ve got it.
Great news, eh? I have the recipe in my very hand even as we speak.
Now, how are we off for lard? [HORN HONKS] Now, then, what time of day was it you were interested in? Between 9:00 and 10:00 last night.
I warn you, we use these tapes for months so don´t expect "Citizen Kane.
" LI: What´s all this about, Henry? There´s a closed-circuit TV camera in the station car park.
This is last night´s tape.
Play the tape, Li.
Okay, so, this is just before 10:00, no trains expected for half an hour, so all´s quiet.
Suddenly, in comes a big, shiny Mercedes.
The rear door opens, a man comes flying out and hits the ground really hard.
It looks as though the poor bloke has really hurt himself.
That´s you, isn´t it, Li? Isn´t it, Li? Do you want to tell me whose car that is? All right.
Then I´ll tell you, shall I? It belongs to a Mr.
Michael Cheung.
Do you know who he is? He has a restaurant in London.
It´s called the Friendly Dragon.
How much do you owe him, Li? All my life I like to gamble, Henry.
Win some, lose some.
No big deal, no problem, right? Then I get some very bad luck.
I lose and I lose.
Michael Cheung lends me money, but my bad luck continues.
I lose again.
He lends me more money and he makes me take it, and I lose again.
Now I can never pay him back.
The takeaway will be his.
And I have lost everything, Henry.
Does Mei know about this? No.
But she knows something´s wrong.
I´m always worried, so I make up stories to explain it.
What about the fire? I did it.
To make her believe my stories.
Now you can see the kind of man I am.
Good for nothing.
Complete rubbish.
GARY: Ah, right.
Ready? Yeah.
- Mmm! - Mmm! Aha! Mm, mm.
Getting there.
It seems to work better if you make the number two pastry first and then work it into the number one.
Trust Li Chen to withhold a vital bit of information, eh? I have in my hand a piece of paper which says that we have made it to the final of the Great British Grub Competition.
- Yes! - Oh, no.
And there´s a cash prize of £2,000.
And we get a big write-up in the paper.
Isn´t that good news, Henry? [LAUGHTER] Hello, Mr.
Hello, Mei.
That´s Simon.
Hello, Simon.
So, how´s your dad? He´s okay.
We had a really good chat last time you came round.
He told me everything, all about the gambling and everything.
What a total idiot he´d been.
HENRY: That must have taken some doing.
MEI: Yeah, I suppose.
Anyway, he went to London to see Michael Cheung, and Michael Cheung told him he could pay him back bit by bit, he didn´t want the takeaway after all, so I phoned up Danny in San Francisco.
He´s sent over the money so Dad can start paying back what he owes.
Well, that´s excellent, Mei.
It sounds like you´ve really sorted things out.
Yeah, and I´ve finished my exams.
Lot of shopping.
Yeah, it´s for this ridiculous cooking competition in London.
Oh, well, I hope you win.
I´ll wish you some Chinese good luck.
Thank you very much.
And best of British for your exam results.
Thank you.
- Bye-bye now.
- Bye! [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] Shh, could I have a bit of hush, please? Shh! Quiet, please.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Good morning, everybody.
May I just say how tremendously exciting it is to see you all here at the Empire Hotel? You´re all familiar with the rules.
By all means, start your preparing now, bearing in mind that when the cook-off starts at 5:00, you´ve only got two hours to produce a three-course meal of your choice with the tiny exception of the entree, which must be a steak and kidney pie.
Okay? Brilliant.
Good luck, everybody.
- Thank you.
- Cheers.
Excuse me.
Thank you.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION] Can you spare me for a few minutes? I want to go shopping.
Oh, yes, yes, yes, go on, enjoy yourself.
Leave us in this hellhole.
Thanks, Henry.
- Are you Gary Palmer? - Yeah.
All right, Dennis, Union Jack Diner.
I worked with a pal of yours once.
Commis chef called Spike.
Nah, doesn´t ring any bells, I´m afraid.
He were always talking about you.
You´re the lad who drank a bottle of crème de menthe, ran in the dining room stark naked, and threw trifle at the maître d´.
Yeah, well, that was a slight exaggeration, actually.
DENNIS: You´re famous, man.
So, what you doing for the starter? Tomato soup.
You? Crab cakes in mead.
It´s medieval.
Catch you later.
Yeah, right.
- [GIGGLES] - It was a long time ago.
I´ll be sloping off for half an hour, okay? Now, Nicola, boil up some water, pour it over the tomatoes, and peel them.
Gary, I want you to make some number one pastry and some number two pastry.
I thought we were doing syllabub.
No, this is for the pie.
We´re doing steak and kidney pie using Li Chen´s pastry.
But we haven´t tried that.
Do you think I might speak to Mr.
Cheung, please? I´d like to talk to Michael Cheung.
- Is he here? - Mr.
Cheung is very busy.
Yes, of course, my name is Detective Inspector Crabbe.
I´d be very obliged if he could spare me five minutes of his time.
- I´ll ask.
- HENRY: Thank you very much.
Your face is not familiar to me, Inspector.
I´m an out-of-towner.
CHEUNG: So, how can I help you? I´m a friend of Li Chen´s.
HENRY: I understand he owes you money.
Is that why you had him beaten up and thrown out of your car in Middleton? Li told you that? HENRY: No, I saw it on a security camera.
Li was always a small-time loser.
Then, three years ago, his wife died.
Something happened to Li.
He became a big-time loser.
But he doesn´t pay his debts.
Even when he has money, he doesn´t pay his debts.
I was angry.
Well, I´m angry now, and if you lay a finger on Li Chen again, I shall be coming after you.
Now, he wants to pay off his debts.
Please let him.
Inspector, he was due here two hours ago with his first payment.
Well, perhaps he´s been delayed.
He´s at the Gold Mine Casino.
When he has money, he goes to the Gold Mine instead of coming here to pay me back.
You´re his friend, go there.
Try stopping him.
It won´t do you any good.
Mei? It´s Henry Crabbe.
- Is Li there? - No, he´s in London.
He went with the £3,000 to give to Michael Cheung.
Well, he didn´t show up.
MEI: Something´s happened.
Has he been mugged? No, I think he´s gone to a casino.
I don´t believe it.
He promised.
I´ll have to catch the next train.
Tell me where to meet you.
[ALL TALKING, SHOUTING] Oi! Where is he? He´ll be back.
Hello, Li.
Buy me a drink? Henry, what are you doing here? I´ve just been to see the Friendly Dragon.
He told me you´d be here.
Gin and tonic, please.
No ice, no slice.
I asked Mei to come here today.
She refused.
Well, why should she? You can sort this out on your own.
That´s her duty to support her father.
But isn´t it your duty to support her? Oh, you don´t understand.
No, I don´t.
So, did you get the money? It´s all here.
You want to count it? For heaven´s sake, put it away.
[SIGHS] Look, Mei´s coming to London.
She´s going to meet me at the Empire Hotel.
Why don´t you come and wait for her there? Then you can both go and see Michael Cheung together.
If she wants to see me, she can come here, Henry.
Everything going okay? The soup´s almost done, and the pastry´s ready to go on.
Where have you been? You´ve been away ages.
Oh, Margaret, relax.
There´s plenty of time.
Henry, a word.
I know what you´re up to, Henry.
You´re going to cock this up because you hate competitions and P.
women and grub and that Bolland man with his stupid little England nonsense.
Well, don´t tell me you agree with him? Of course I don´t.
But we´re here on merit, Henry, because of the food.
It´s going to mean a lot to Gary and a lot to Nicola and to me if we can make it, never mind about the money.
So you just get off your high horse for five minutes and go out there and bloody win it.
I´m sorry.
Yeah, of course I will.
I´m going to have a very large drink.
Hello, Harrington.
You don´t recognize me, do you? Dear lady, of course I do.
No, you don´t.
Margaret Crabbe from Pie in the Sky.
SMITHFIELD: Of course.
The glamorous pie lady.
You´re not in town alone, are you? No.
We´re here for the Great British Grub Competition.
Oh, yes, of course you are.
Well, you haven´t got much to worry about there.
What do you mean? My dear, you´re most certainly going to win.
No filthy foreigners working in your establishment, you see, so the dreaded Bolland is sure to vote for you, likewise Miss Block.
As for myself, this is the only sort of job I can get these days.
Much as I´d like to rock the boat, I just don´t have the moral fiber.
I see.
But your food´s bloody marvelous anyway, so what´s the difference? Now, then, let me buy you an enormous drink.
That´s fine.
Oh, delicious! Lovely.
Thank you.
How are we doing here? Oh! Thank you very much.
- You ready, Nicola? - Yeah.
Come on.
MARGARET: Henry, can I have a word? Oh, look, Margaret, it´s ridiculous all of us trying to finish at the same time.
They´re going to be tasting our food last.
It´ll be stone cold.
It´s so they can take their bloody photographs.
What, Margaret? Never mind.
Well, at least you could bring something.
Take that mustard there.
Come on, off you go, Gary.
Ladies and gentlemen.
The Dog and Duck, Birmingham.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] The Union Jack Diner, Manchester.
[CHEERING] The King´s Hotel, Maidenhead.
[APPLAUSE] And Pie in the Sky, Middleton.
[APPLAUSE] Mei´s here.
Now, I´ll be back as quick as I can.
Don´t worry, Margaret.
I think we´re in with a chance.
Yes, I´m sure we are.
No more bets.
No more bets.
No more bets.
Hello, Dad.
Don´t come to the table unless you´re going to play.
Hello, Mei.
Nice to see you.
Thanks for coming.
You should have come when I asked you.
Come on, you two.
Let´s just go up into the bar and discuss this.
Yes, then we´ll go to the Friendly Dragon together.
Come on, Dad.
We´ll go to Michael Cheung and pay him, but you must promise not to leave me.
Dad, please.
I´ll stop gambling.
We´ll work hard in the takeaway and pay Michael Cheung every month if you stay with me.
Dad, I can´t stay with you forever.
Then I don´t care what happens to me.
I´ll stay here and gamble.
That´s not fair, Dad.
Tell him that´s not fair.
Li, don´t do this.
Promise to stay.
Promise to stay.
Mei, stay with your father.
She hasn´t gone yet, Li.
You can pick up the chips, go after her, and still sort this thing out.
Li, pick up the chips.
MAN: Place your bets, please.
No more bets.
Li, you´re a fool.
- Mmm! - Oh, that is good.
[SIGHS] May I present the chairman of the judges, Jack Bolland? [APPLAUSE] Thank you, Pippa.
Ladies and gentlemen, I can´t remember a year when we, your judges, were so hard put to decide on a winner.
Never has the standard been higher, and I´m sure this is reflected throughout the country as British cuisine, our own native cuisine, goes from strength to strength.
For too long we have been playing second fiddle to our continental rivals.
Look at the olive, for example.
The olive is not indigenous to these shores.
That´s another matter.
Ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of Bollands Fine Ales, I´m happy to announce that the winner of the Bollands Great British Grub Competition 1996 is Pie in the Sky.
[APPLAUSE] Congratulations.
That was a fine meal you cooked for us this evening.
We were particularly impressed with the pastry.
Would you like to tell us the secret of that? [CLEARS THROAT] It´s an old Chinese recipe, actually.
There we are.
Well done.
I´m incredibly proud of both of you.
Thanks for letting us do it, Chef.
NICOLA: 500 quid.
I´ll buy some lottery tickets with this.
No, no.
There´s a condition on getting these checks.
No gambling, all right? - I was only joking.
- Fine.
Ta-da! HENRY: Well, where are you going to hang that? I don´t think I´m going to hang it anywhere.
It´s a bit naff, don´t you think? Don´t you want people to know we won? Sometimes winning isn´t everything, Henry.
I don´t know what you´re talking about, I´m sure.
Where are you going? I´m off to have a drink with Li Chen.
Now, there´s a man that knows the difference between winning and losing.