Pinky and the Brain (1995) s03e15 Episode Script

The Real Life

Gee, brain, What do you want to do tonight? The same thing we do every night, pinky, Try to take over the world.
they're pinky and the brain yes, pinky and the brain one is a genius the other's insane they're laboratory mice their genes have been spliced they're dinky they're pinky and the brain brain, brain, brain brain, brain, brain, brain, brain before each night is done their plan will be unfurled by the dawning of the sun they'll take over the world they're pinky and the brain yes, pinky and the brain their twilight campaign is easy to explain to prove their mousey worth they'll overthrow the earth they're dinky they're pinky and the brain brain, brain, brain brain, brain, brain, brain Narf! warner bros.
Pinky: * yeah, yeah, yeah, baby * shoop shoop shoodily-Oop bah bah Pinky, please, can't you see i'm trying to work? Poit.
* la-La-La la-La la-La * narf! boom-Shaka-Laka la la-La la la Pinky.
I can't hear you, brain.
I'm listening to music.
Troz! Pinky, the headphones have to be plugged in In order for you to hear music.
Oh, no.
The music's inside my head, brain.
I just use the earmuffs to keep it from seeping out.
Just as i thought.
The same eerie quiet that haunts the arctic tundra.
That's odd.
I thought it was frere jacques.
While you've been rocking out To the magic little voices in your head, I've been putting the finishing touches On my latest plan for world domination.
Ooh! Are we going to invent a massive spinning machine To make everyone dizzy? Wa-Wow, whoo-Ooh.
Get off that at once, pinky! Wa-Ow wa-Ow, aah-Hah! Poit.
Narf! The last thing i need Is your dirty pawprints all over my secret weapon.
Behold! I hold in my hands the only remaining evidence Of radio host rush limbaugh's failed singing career in the 1970s.
Only 23 copies were pressed, And rush sat on 22 of them.
Oh, put it on, brain.
Make the fat man tell the blues! The contents of this record are extremely dangerous, pinky.
You will experience its full impact Only when we arrive in cleveland.
Ooh, cleveland! The eiffel tower! The arc de triomphe! Oh, wait.
No, no.
That's pittsburgh.
The heart of residential cleveland, My geographically challenged friend, Is where, according to my research, The optimal electromagnetic field in the world Currently hovers.
There i will construct a giant fm antenna To broadcast rush limbaugh's a cappella version of dream weaver Throughout the planet Oh, brain, what a happy plan.
You'll be bringing the joy of music To people of all colors.
No, pinky, I'll be driving them to the brink of insanity, Thereby providing myself with the time i need To take over the world.
That's what i meant.
Here, pinky.
Perhaps you shouldn't let anything else seep out of your head.
Zort! [Giggles] That's strange.
The highly sensitive magnet in my compass Was about to lead us to the site of maximum broadcast strength.
Now suddenly it's pointing at you.
Well, i'd love to help you, brain, But first let me put down this sack of magnetic iron shavings I've been collecting since we started our trip.
Apparently you've already eaten your collection of lead paint chips.
Leave that.
Radio-Wave strength Peaks right here at this house.
I'll simply bribe the inhabitants to stay at a motel for a few days Until our task is complete.
Hello! Is anybody home? Hello? Aah! It's the media.
They're onto us.
Run, pinky! Oof! Oof! Hey, check it out.
Some exceedingly small guys.
Hey, small guys, i'm eisenhower.
Ohh! Eisenhower, brain.
She's the veejay from mttv.
So, like, check it out.
We're doing a little promo for our show, And we thought you were our 2 new cast members.
What show, madam, Are you referring to? The real life, man.
It's a totally massive hit.
Check it out-- We collect a bunch of kids under one roof And tape their true-Life exploits.
And just how long does a show like this take to complete? Oh, they should be grooving on this thing for like way many weeks.
But check it out, i'm outta here.
Here's 2 tickets to lollapalooza for being cuties.
Much later! This is a troublesome development, pinky.
My plan requires that i have as much access to that house As the people living in it.
Hey, man, are you the producer guys? Uh, we're here to be in the real life.
Um, excuse us a moment.
Pinky, are you pondering what i'm pondering? Yes, brain.
But if our knees bent the other way, How would we ride a bicycle? No, pinky.
I think i have a solution to our problem.
Er, why, yes uh, dudes.
We are the producers.
And you must be the 2 cast members we've been waiting for.
That's us.
Well, um check it out.
The show's been canceled, dudes.
Now go away and don't come back.
Canceled? No way.
I told all my buds i was gonna be on.
I'm afraid the situation could not be avoided.
Take these 2 tickets with our apologies.
Wow lollapalooza! Sha! Second row mosh pit! Thanks, man.
Now we shall join the cast of the real life, Blending in amongst an artificially assembled household Of testy misfits and wannabes.
Ohh, yes, brain! We'll have wonderful new friends To go on field trips with And wear our baseball caps backwards And eat junk food at strange hours of the day and night.
No, pinky.
We'll be using them as steppingstones In my ruthless quest To satisfy my bloodlust for power.
Oh, brain! [Giggles] This is gonna be one big love-In.
Troz! [Rock music plays] This is the true story [swiss accent] of 6 strangers picked to live in a house where no one can do any work Due to the constant presence of cameras Invading your privacy who find out what happens When people stop being fake and start getting real! Narf! The real life.
Dawn: the world is scrambled, Like these eggs.
Toast me not in your sausage factory.
I am not your grapefruit To be halved and sectioned.
I will not waffle! I am powered with juice! Oh, could you hold on? Do you mind?! How can i concentrate when you're making all that noise?! I was about to ask you the same question.
You know, poetry is my whole life.
Brain was being, like, a total fascist or even a capricorn.
I knew brain was getting off on the wrong foot.
And everybody was so nice! I've never met a tiny plastic woman filled with syrup before.
I'm not hungry.
Bad vibes, man.
Oh! I'm going for a walk.
[Swiss accent] zhere are more vaffles! Poit.
Oh, um, breakfast seems to be the scary meal around here, doesn't it? [Nervous giggle] Oh, pinky is a sveetie.
But ze one called brain is so cranky! Maybe because he never is sitting down to eat.
And he is vorking so hard all day in ze backyard.
Pinky: mm-Hmm.
And then tomorrow, Spike is going to show me how to loop the loop! On his skateboard? No! On his nose chain.
Whoo ha ha ha ha! Now, pinky, remember what i told you.
We want to be friendly to avoid suspicion, But don't get too chummy, Otherwise you might reveal the specifics of our plan.
Right, brain.
What plan would that be, exactly, brain? Once again, pinky, My concern that you know too much is unfounded.
Oof! Whoa-Ho-Oh-Oh! Yo, dudes, Anyone up for a game of disk? Why don't you go play in traffic, You hoodlum?! Can't you see i'm-- I'm a bit busy just now for a game of disk, My dude friend.
I'm actually in the middle of my little project at the moment.
Oh, yeah.
What's this whole trip about anyway? Well, as i told you, I'm building abarbecue.
Nothing like the taste of a meat product cooked in the great outdoors.
The world will be a much better place once i-- I mean, once we can all enjoy a good barbecue.
Heh heh heh.
Narf! I'll play frisbee with you, spike.
Sweet mariah! That's no frisbee! That's my record! Oh, sorry, little dude, But nobody listens to vinyl anymore.
Well, i do! And this record is very important for-- Uh, the sock hop right after the barbecue.
What are you looking at?! Oh, don't pop a vessel, man.
I'll put it back.
See that you do.
And be more considerate next time With other people's stuff.
Bogus 'tude, jack.
And don't leave your shoes lying around! Learn to pick up after yourself.
Unnhh! Unh! Unh! Oof! You know, he's right, brain.
Your 'tude is very bogus.
Brain was way lame to go ballistic on me.
I could've challenged him to a game of dead-Arm, But his arms are, like totally small.
Excuse me, but it's vitally important That i see the weather channel immediately.
But, brain! We're watching melrose place With our bad selves.
Well, change the channel.
I must review the latest radar satellite pictures.
Whoa, mellow out, dude.
Watch melrose with us.
Oh, yes, do, brain.
It is a very good one.
It seems a suspicious fire Has left the characters without any underwear at all.
Another thought-Provoking hour of infotainment From the network who brought you herman's head.
Dawn: hey! Spike: whoa-Oh! Hey, bogus, man! Murray: what are you doing? Heidi: you strudelkopf! You don't understand! The success of my barbecue Depends on my receiving the most up-To-Date weather information.
Heidi: oh, zhat is so very lame, i can't believe it.
Oh, dear, brain.
I'm afraid the others are going to think You're not very friendly.
I'm going to rule the world, pinky.
World rulers don't need friends.
Ohh, everyone needs friends, brain.
Who else will help you chill out fresh And rock the vote With the wicky-Wack-Mack daddy? Hah! That's it, pinky.
No more mochaccinos for you after the dinner hour.
Brain: now to test the amplification.
Ready, pinky? Now, pinky.
Pinky, where's my amplifier? Hmm.
I don't know, brain.
I haven't seen it since murray borrowed it.
Murray borrowed it?! That's a sensitive piece of equipment.
Well, murray's a sensitive artiste, brain.
He needed it for his club gig.
The whole gang went to see him play.
I can't believe it.
These kids are so inconsiderate.
How would they like it if i borrowed their stuff without asking, Took their records, left my shoes Lying all around the-- House! Ow! Ooh! Ow! Ooh! Unh! Ack! Unh! Oof! Aah! Ooh! Eee! Aah! Ooh! Ah! Ooh! Ah! Ooh! Oh! Pooie! What did you trip over? Oh, nothing, brain.
Narf! It just looked like fun.
Whoo ha ha! [Heavy metal rock plays] lyrics are for weenies, we don't need no words we just wanna scream until our ears bleed aah-Yah-Yah, yeah, yeah, yeah! What is murray doing? Using the amplifier at this decibel level will ruin it! yeah, yeah, boogle-Ah, dah dah dah yah-Rah-Rah, dah dah da-Booga da ditty-Ditty-Bop bah bah Whoa.
Whoa, check it out! Brain's crowd-Diving into the mosh pit.
whoa! Doof! Hey! Hey! Wha! Unh! Uhh! Waaah! The people are liking brain so much.
Oh, yes! You go, brain! Narf! Oof! yaah! Raagh! Aah! yaa-Raa-Da-Daagh! yaagh-Agh waah-Waah-- Huh? Hey! Bummer, man.
[Confused mutterings] Hey! What is this-- Unplugged? Yes.
The perfect format for the untalented.
Um, i've written a haiku Inspired by brain's actions at the tongue pit That i wanna share.
"Enemy of expression! "Scab on the wound of creativity! Tut, tut, it looks like brain.
" I don't see the point of this, frankly.
Interviewer: just say whatever's on your mind.
I'm concerned as to why the spectrum of band widths encompassed by the antenna Are not achieving sufficient modulation Within the ionic substrata.
Interviewer: sorry? Yes! Precisely.
Try selling your fruit wigglies and acne cream with that! You know i can see meself in the lens.
And my nose is really big! Narf! Radical eats.
Can't be any better than last night's kretzelshoopen.
Mmm kretzelshoopen.
Heidi: ok start to eating.
Um, hey, i don't have a fork.
No? But i vas finding none in the kitchen.
Our silverware is missing? Oh, yes, that's right.
Brain borrowed it.
Dawn: brain! Brain! [Snarling to himself] Yes? Dawn: could you come in here for a minute? How am i supposed to get anything accomplished around here? Heidi: you even took our spatula! What?! Oh, so it's ok for you to borrow my stuff, But it's not ok for me to borrow your stuff, is that it? Well, that's just fine! It's your vibes, man.
The way you boss us around all the time.
And the way you won't let us go into our own yard.
And the way my hair gets all frizzy when it rains.
Ohhok, Maybe that's not brain's fault.
But, you know, it's still really uncool.
Brain's really nice if you give him a chance.
[Giggle] You know, sometimes he even bops me on the head For no reason at all.
Well, i can see my efforts aren't appreciated.
I work and slave Building us a backyard barbecue That will make the world a better place for all of us, And this is my reward! Dude, no offense, But that's the weirdest-Looking barbecue i've ever seen.
It looks like some kind ofantenna.
How funny, brain.
Heh heh.
Isn't that exactly what you're build-- Oof! Troz! Ha ha.
See? Brain, if you really want a barbecue, man, Just buy one with some of the house money.
House money? Heh-Heh.
You know, the $10,000 mttv gave us to cover our expenses.
Ja! The money we are keeping in this drawer.
Oh, yes.
The house money.
I'll think that over.
In the meantime, i apologize for being so disrespectful And will try to do better.
Come, pinky.
Ok, uh next order of business: Someone put my shoes in the toilet bowl.
Thank you, sir.
Enjoy the dish.
Well, pinky, what do you think? Narf, brain! We can make a really big salad! It's a satellite dish, pinky.
All the power i need to broadcast rush limbaugh's horrific singing voice Throughout the world! Ooh, i don't know, brain.
I don't think the others will be happy When they find out you spent the house money.
Don't worry, pinky.
By this time tomorrow, I will rule the world and repay mttv 100 times! Oh, good, brain.
Then maybe they'll buy that nice tabitha soren a pretty hat.
[Scanning radiowaves] What's the frequency, pinky? Well, the pointy black thing Is going, "whoo-Whoo-Whoo" in the red part, brain.
Something's wrong.
[Gasps] Brain dude! Grab a board! Surf's up! Be careful, spike.
I hear those riptides can be awfully gnarly.
Whoa-Oh! Radical! Oof! Brain, do you have any idea what happened To all the house mon-- What in the-- Murray: all in favor of kicking brain out of the house, Say "aye.
" All: aye! Aye! Murray: all opposed? Nay! Pinky, you voted twice.
Aye! Uh, well, which is it, dude? Hmm.
Nay! [Giggle] Oh, brain, this is fun.
You try it.
The ayes have it.
Sorry, brain.
Just pack your things and get out, man.
Grrrrrr! Whatever! Justwhatever! nobody knows how it feels to be a sad brain to have a bad brain stuck in your head but those dreams of being ruler have left you high and dry you're a sad and lonely loser Will you turn off that maudlin music?! [Music stops] Thank you.
[Gasps] [Gasps again] Pinky, our stuff! It's all gone! Grrrrrr! Brain! Please don't cause a scene! The only one who will still talk to us is the syrup lady.
Where is everybody? What's going on?! Heidi: it's a garage sale, brain.
Man, we have to sell your stuff to make back the money you spent On that stupid barbecue dish.
Rush limbaugh: thank you.
I've been looking for this record everywhere.
[Gulp] Stop! You have my record! Somebody stop that man! Rush limbaugh: that's the last of 'em.
Oh, there you are, brain.
Oh, dear, was that your record? Yes, pinky.
It lies in fragments, And with it dies our plan.
Ohh, well, don't feel too bad, brain.
There's lots of bargains here at the garage sale.
I bought this toothbrush for only $5.
Pinky, how did you let someone sell you Your own toothbrush for $5.
00? I haggled.
Save your money, my friend.
We have barely enough to get back to the lab by tomorrow night.
Why, brain? What are we going to do tomorrow night? Same thing we do every night, pinky.
Try to take over the world! they're dinky they're pinky and the brain brain, brain, brain, brain warner bros.
Captioned by the national --Www.