Pinky and the Brain (1995) s03e22 Episode Script

The Tailor And The Mice

Gee, brain, What do you want to do tonight? The same thing we do every night, pinky, Try to take over the world.
they're pinky and the brain yes, pinky and the brain one is a genius the other's insane they're laboratory mice their genes have been spliced they're dinky they're pinky and the brain brain, brain, brain brain, brain, brain, brain, brain before each night is done their plan will be unfurled by the dawning of the sun they'll take over the world they're pinky and the brain yes, pinky and the brain their twilight campaign is easy to explain to prove their mousey worth they'll overthrow the earth they're dinky they're pinky and the brain brain, brain, brain brain, brain, brain, brain Narf! warner bros.
[Click] [smack] [Gasps] gak! there was a tailor, had a mouse hi-Diddle-Lumpkin-Fee-Do they lived together in one house hi-Diddle-Lumpkin-Fee-Do hi-Diddle-Lumkin- Tay-Roo-Tump-Tin in the town of ramsey hi-Diddle-Lumkin, over the knee hi-Diddle-Lumpkin-Fee-Do the tailor thought his mouse was ill ♪ hi-Diddle-Lumpkin-Fee-Do ♪ ♪ he gave him part of a blue pill ♪ hi-Diddle-Lumpkin-Fee-Do hi-Diddle-Lumkin- Tay-Roo-Tump-Tin in the town of ramsey hi-Diddle-Lumkin, over the knee hi-Diddle-Lumpkin-Fee-Do the tailor thought his mouse would die hi-Diddle-Lumpkin-Fee-Do he baked him in an apple pie hi-Diddle-Lumpkin-Fee-Do hi-Diddle-Lumkin- Tay-Roo-Tump-Tin in the town of ramsey hi-Diddle-Lumkin, over the knee hi-Diddle-Lumpkin-Fee-Do the pie was cut, the mouse jumped out hi-Diddle-Lumpkin-Fee-Do the tailor chased him all about hi-Diddle-Lumpkin-Fee-Do hi-Diddle-Lumkin- Tay-Roo-Tump-Tin in the town of ramsey hi-Diddle-Lumkin, over the knee hi-Diddle-Lumpkin-Fee-Do [Rhythmic sobs] the tailor thought his mouse was dead hi-Diddle-Lumpkin-Fee-Do so he caught another one instead hi-Diddle-Lumpkin-Fee-Do hi-Diddle-Lumkin- Tay-Roo-Tump-Tin in the town of ramsey hi-Diddle-Lumkin, over the knee hi-Diddle-Lumpkin-Fee-Do the tailor really loved his mice hi-Diddle-Lumpkin-Fee-Do he let them sleep on a bed of rice hi-Diddle-Lumpkin-Fee-Do hi-Diddle-Lumkin- Tay-Roo-Tump-Tin in the town of ramsey hi-Diddle-Lumkin, over the knee hi-Diddle-Lumpkin-Fee-Do the tailor chased them 'cross the bay hi-Diddle-Lumpkin-Fee-Do he chased them to this very day hi-Diddle-Lumpkin-Fee-Do hi-Diddle-Lumkin- Tay-Roo-Tump-Tin in the lab of acme hi-Diddle-Lumpkin, pinky and the brain hi-Diddle-Lumpkin-Fee-Do hi-Diddle-Lumkin- Tay-Roo-Tump-Tin in the lab of acme Both: aah! hi-Diddle-Lumpkin, pinky and the brain hi-Diddle-Lumpkin-Fee-Do [Murmuring] [Ringing] Yay! Let's get out of here! Yes! Finally, summer is upon us.
You know what this means, pinky? Poit! Endless lines Of demanding german tourists At the nation's theme parks, brain? Yes, and all the time i need To implement my latest plan of world domination.
Troz! Ha ha ha ha! Pinky, what are you doing? Heh heh.
Oh, i'm using the automatic food dispenser The scientists hooked up for us, brain.
Heh.
Watch.
[Click] [whirring] [Ding] [ding] [ding] Narf! Ha ha ha ha.
Funny, no matter how many times i do that, I'm still hungry.
Don't worry, pinky.
Where we're going, we shall have no need for such contraptions.
Where are we going, brain? Oof.
We're going to a place Where children and animals cavort all day long and the nights are silent, Save for the plaintive call of the field cricket.
We're going to the w.
B.
Network? Zort! Ha ha ha ha! No, pinky.
We are going to camp.
[Click] [squeak] Camp.
[Gasps] ooh, we could stay in a log cabin.
Oh, no.
No, wait.
Bad idea.
Heh heh.
We'd get all syrupy.
I'm not talking about just any camp, pinky.
I'm talking about camp david! Built in 1953 As a retreat for u.
S.
Presidents To hold high-Level talks with foreign leaders In a relaxed and rustic setting.
Oh, we'll have fun there, brain.
Maybe the president Will tell us scary campfire stories about his wife.
Riveting as that would be, pinky, You and i will be over here-- Camp davey-- A sleepaway camp For the children of the visiting world leaders.
Oh, i see, brain.
We're going to make the world leaders' children all syrupy.
Not quite, my friend.
I will get us jobs as craft counselors at camp davey And have each camper make a log pencil holder For his or her world leader parent.
Each one will contain A microscopic listening device Attached by yours truly.
Very cunning, brain.
We'll finally hear what those mischievous pencils Are saying behind our backs.
Zort! Oof! Perhaps a few more pellets to the head Might stun you back to consciousness, pinky.
Yummy! What a good idea.
Eavesdropping on the world's leaders Will provide me with the information i need To take over the world! I'll eat to that.
Narf! But then, how can i expect you umoh, dear.
To understand the beauty of my scheme When you can't even-- Both: aah! Ohh, that was fun, brain.
My whole body is numb.
Good.
Then the pain i'm about to inflict on you Won't be quite as intense.
Uhh! Now remember, pinky-- Let me do all the talking.
Well, your résumé is impressive indeed, mr.
Brain-- That's dr.
Brain.
As you can see, I received a ph.
D.
In camping from harvard.
But let's cut to the chase.
My assistant pinky and i would like to begin immediately.
Of course, i'll have to run a background check With the folks at the fbi.
We can't be too careful with our clientele.
Whoopsy doodle.
Whoopsy doodle? Did you by any chance once head up a plot To train giant vegetables to take over the world? What? Well, of course it sounds bad if you put it that way what's this? Caught trying to harness the power of tornadoes To seize control of earth? Oh, that's all behind me now, i assure you.
My sole interest these days Is to share my love of camping With the younger generation.
Tell you what, boys-- I'll put your names on the waiting list And call you if anything comes up.
Secretary: excuse me, sir.
The camp supervisor is headed this way.
Oh, now what? But, brain, i thought you said We'd only have to fool one dim-Witted flunky.
Ixnay.
Ixnay.
Shh.
Big foot is entering the cave.
Supervisor, it's so nice to see you.
Can the happy talk, ranger rick.
Did i or did i not request caviar In the grand duke's trail mix, hmm? Of course.
I was just saying good-Bye to our visitors.
Oh, aren't you the cutest little things? Both: gaa! Dr.
Brain and his assistant Are applying to be counselors here at camp davey.
Oh, that is too sweet.
When do they start? Now hold up.
You know how long the waiting list is for new counselors.
Both: oof! Listen to me, nature boy, one phone call from me, And your career's in the wood chipper.
B-B-But where can i put them? The only place I might possibly have an opening is vegetable garden counselor? Absurd.
Unless i think of a way to become craft counselor, All of my planning will be for naught.
I'll help you, brain, Just as soon as i'm finished writing you this letter from camp.
Pinky, why would i want a letter from you When you're sitting 2 feet away? Oh, everyone loves getting mail, brain.
Here, here, here.
Let me read it to you.
Ahem.
Ahem.
"Dear brain, hello from camp.
Narf!" What do you think? Too chatty? Let me see that letter.
Egad! And save me a stamp.
Good thinking, brain.
"Camp davey counselors.
Top seniority.
Craft counselor.
" Where did you get this piece of paper? Zort! From the head camp man's office, brain.
This is a list of every counselor at camp davey In order of their seniority.
Pinky, are you pondering what i'm pondering? I think so, brain, But i find scratching just makes it worse.
Fascinating, pinky.
No.
I meant if i want to be promoted To the post of craft counselor, I must eliminate every person above me.
Hmm.
I don't see anyone above you, brain.
Really? Then who's this? Ooh.
Ha ha ha ha.
Oof.
Dig, children, dig.
In a few weeks, Your hard toil will be rewarded With huge, shiny vegetables! [Dutch accent] ach, i'm tired, Vegetable garden counselor brain.
I want to go back to ze camp.
[British accent] yes.
Why must this hole Be so very deep? I told you.
These are the growing conditions Required for the giant elephant yam! [Canadian accent] if you're really a counselor, How come us kids are so much bigger than you, eh? Because i'm a lab mouse Using my counselor position at your camp To achieve global domination.
Boy, i'm glad you're not storytime counselor.
Your stories bite.
[Whistle blows] All right, campers, back to your cabins.
Our work here is done.
Yay! Yay! Yippee! Pinky, anything to report on lookout? Yes, brain.
I've spotted a teeny-Tiny forest Full of itsy-Bitsy trees.
Try looking through the other end, pinky.
Poit! Ok.
Egad, brain! Someone's coming this way.
Good.
The storytime counselor's right on schedule.
Come here, pinky.
Aah! Oof! Aah! You can take down the binoculars now, pinky.
Oh, right.
Aah! Ha ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
That, people, is how the grizzly got his growl.
Heh heh.
Ok, run along.
All: bye-Bye, counselor jim! Hmm.
"The poems of ally sheedy.
" [Gasps] far out.
Drat.
"Ode to judd nelson.
" Aah! Do you think he's ok, brain? "There once was a man named judd nelson Who had nostrils like nobody else'n.
" One down.
British boy: i heard the storytime counselor went quite batty And ran off to live in the woods.
And i heard he was eaten by bears.
Wow.
I heard that at night, You can hear his ghost read poems by the brat pack.
Ooh.
Ooh.
Ooh.
Brain: good evening.
[All gasp] Don't be startled, children.
During counselor jim's absence, I will be filling in as storytime counselor.
So sit back, get comfortable, And prepare for the fright of your life! My story begins on a night just like this one.
Dr.
Bill hubbard of the institute for advanced studies Was computing algorithms to the power of 27,000 When the cosine button of his calculator became stuck, Causing his results to increase exponentially.
Unaware of the problem, He continued to use the briggsian system! Needless to say, the sine curves of his indices Were distorting along a quadratic progression, And what he saw when he looked down Filled him with an unspeakable terror, For it was the largest prime number ever computed! [Yawns] Excuse me.
I'm trying to tell a story here.
This story's not scary, eh.
Not scary? Don't you realize the repercussions of dr.
Hubbard's mistake? Big deal.
Oh, oh, may i try, brain? I want to tell a scary story.
You? Ha! Go ahead, pinky.
This should be entertaining.
Hmmlet's see narf! Something scary Oh, oh, oh, i know.
Ahem.
Once upon a time, there was a talking lab mouse Who was very angry Because he couldn't take over the world.
Oh, ripping.
Yes, and all day long, He would fuss and fume and think up strange ideas With his huge, oversized head.
This is good.
This is really good.
So one day, the big-Headed mouse was busy making his plans [yawns] It's working, pinky.
The archery competition is in complete chaos Due to the campers' lack of sleep last night.
All because of my scary story, brain? That and the tiny sand crabs I scattered all over their beds.
Look, pinky.
I can't believe our luck.
You're fired.
That's 2.
I thought we'd spend My first day as athletics counselor Playing a rousing game of magnet tow! I've never heard of that.
[Grunting] Let's go, people.
Every second counts in magnet tow, Counselor brain, Are you quite certain that magnet tow's a real sport? Why, of course it is! It's very big in, uh, bulgaria.
My father is prime minister of bulgaria, And i have never heard of it.
Did i say bulgaria? Ha! I meant outer mongolia.
B-B-But my father is-- All right, let's cut the chatter.
The game of magnet tow ends When you have placed the magnet inside a big knapsack, Such as that one over there.
Ok, good game, everyone.
Go hit the showers.
That game stinks.
What a waste of time.
Oh, yeah.
Good job, people.
Just a couple more miles.
Monsieur counselor, pardonnez moi.
I believe ze lake is in ze opposite direction.
Not a chance, chamonix.
My magnetic compass never lies.
We're heading due south.
Ahh [gasps] [Ruff ruff ruff] There's 3.
the friendly forest creatures never frighten us because we love 'em Aah! [All gasp] Aah! Aah! Aah! Wha-- That's 5.
Aah! Crafts counselor: my, you've all done such a lovely job With your crafts projects.
Your parents will cherish these punch bowls.
They're tea cups, ma'am.
Now everyone put your cups into the kiln.
Little do they know I've mixed 28 cakes of yeast into the clay.
That's more than lucy and ethel used.
[Rumbling] Ew! I've got clay in my hair.
You're fired! Both: aah! A successful outcome, if a bit messy.
Oh, brain.
Troz! You make a lovely first impression.
Finally, pinky! As craft counselor at camp davey, I can implement my plan Of distributing bugged pencil holders To all the world's leaders.
Goody, brain.
Troz! As assistant craft counselor, i get to lick the sand paper.
Good idea, pinky.
Perhaps it will erode your ability to speak.
Come, we must scout logs for the work ahead.
[Gasps] Good-Bye.
See ya, counselor brain.
What's going on? Where's everyone going? They're going home.
First session's over, counselor.
Over? That's impossible.
It's--It's still the middle of summer.
Oh, we have a whole new load of kids starting today.
Nothing but vice presidents' children.
[Shouting and screaming] Come, pinky.
I'm afraid the window of opportunity at camp davey Has slammed shut on our fingers.
But, brain, Aren't vice presidents important, too? In the corridors of power, pinky, You might say vice presidents Are stuck in the broom closet.
That's him! As emilio estevez once said-- "Get him!" [Angry muttering] Head for the lab, pinky! Why, brain? Zort! What are we going to do at the lab? Lay low till fall, and then try to take over the world! they're dinky, they're pinky and the brain brain, brain, brain, brain warner bros.
Captioned by the national --Www.
Ncicap.
Org--