Psych s03e14 Episode Script
Truer Lies
Shawn, what are you doing home from school? Uh Uh, well, at the assembly today there was a guy and he hypnotized some students.
And one of them thought he was a kangaroo and he punched the guy and he passed out before he could put the kids back to normal.
Uh, but luckily Mr.
Detmer, an ex-Navy SEAL, put everyone back before six kids had to go to the hospital.
Let me see the suspension note from the teacher.
How did you know? Kid, I got a nickname at work, it's the Human Lie Detector.
I spend my day analyzing lies and the people who tell them.
Rule number one, every lie is built on a kernel of truth.
Take your little fib, for instance.
If I were to put money on it, I'd say the only true thing that you just said is that Mr.
Detmer is ex-Navy SEAL.
You're right.
That's amazing.
Not really.
The relative specificity of that statement compared to the others made it obvious.
Look, Shawn, if you continue to lie like this nobody's going to believe you when it counts.
And that could put your life on the line.
Like maybe when I might be a cop? No! Like now.
Shawn Spencer thrives on clutch moments like this.
It's just him, the ball and the hole.
He's surrounded by silence.
And a man wearing a hefty bag on angel dust.
Come on, dude.
I was in the zone.
Now I have to start all over.
Shawn, the floor is flat.
I don't know why you can't just putt in our office.
Because Gus, anyone can hit a ball into an empty cup.
The true challenge is to guide the ball almost magically through the organized chaos of human bustle and into the hole as if no one were there.
Let's just hope it works better than when you attempted the same thing with the darts.
Pardon me, I nailed that, No.
You hit a guy's eye.
Shh! Dude.
Stay alive.
What? Get there.
Oh! How about my phone call, huh? You'll get your phone call.
I didn't do it.
You have to believe me.
Oh! Who put a putting green in here? He was already dead.
I was trying to resuscitate him.
Wait, wait, that guy.
The one with the great hair.
He can vouch for me.
I think we worked at Busch Gardens together one summer.
Yeah, we made funnel cakes.
Oh, look at that, Gus, he must have gotten me confused with another man with great hair.
And the white guy, I know him, too.
Save it, Ryan.
Hey, remember? Just shut up! Uh, Jules What's the story there? Yeah? That's Ryan Bainsworth, or Lyin' Ryan, as we call him around here.
He's a compulsive liar who is notorious for calling in tips and sending the department on wild goose chases.
He's pretty much an embarrassment to all of us.
How can you tell that someone's a compulsive liar? I mean, assuming that their pants aren't on fire.
Trust me, we know.
Oh, come on, Jules.
We all tend to bend the truth just a little.
Not me.
Mmm-mmm.
Oh, really? Does this ring a bell? "No, Shawn, I have not had any naughty dreams about you.
" And, "Yes, Shawn, I do wish Gus was never born, so that I could be your partner.
" What? True story.
That's messed up.
I never said that, Gus.
Anyway, Ryan usually comes in claiming to be a witness to a crime, but this time it looks like he's committed one.
Oh, Detective O'Hara, this is Dr.
Morey, the DA's psychological expert.
Nice to meet you.
Here's the file on our suspect.
Thank you very much.
Don't mind them.
They're just here to observe.
She's right.
Please carry on.
When you're finished, I'd appreciate it if you'd evaluate my partner Gus.
For years he's been claiming to be insane in the membrane.
All right, why don't you just do us all a favor and write down in neat little letters all about how you stabbed and murdered your super in cold blood? For the last time, I'm innocent.
I had asked my super to fix the garbage disposal.
I clogged it with cinnamon sticks and lemon wedges from a marinade.
Afterwards, he was to check my pipes because the polarity is completely off and the water drains counterclockwise, but by the time I got home, I found him there.
Dead.
Doctor, if I can speak for you.
I'd rather you didn't.
Look, all things being equal, I'd rather be scrapbooking right now, but that's not important.
Though I have been known to make a kickass collage.
Then maybe you'd like to tell me who did kill him.
Yes.
An assassin.
An assassin? A hired assassin.
No, two of them, actually.
Yes, you see that has to be it.
The night before, I went to this restaurant to get a basket of these things called fries cuatro quesos, dos fritos.
You know, the ones where they inject potatoes with a four cheese mixture, fry them three quarters of the way, pull them out, batter them, fry them again and then serve them with bacon and an ancho chili sour cream.
Anyway, as I was sitting there, a car speeds right through the storefront across the street.
It makes such a loud noise, I had to turn my head and look and that is when I overheard the guy with the curly Q's on his face tell the other guy at the corner table about the assassination plot.
Can that be true? No way.
I mean, is it even possible? I couldn't imagine it.
There's no way you can prepare a fry like that.
That'd be way too much for the human palate to manage.
It would be a flavor seizure.
Gentlemen, please, don't be ridiculous.
She's right.
Let's just take a minute here, think things through.
They must be parboiling the potato first.
An assassination plot? Seriously, how gullible do you think we are? You have to believe me.
I'm 100% sure on this.
I clearly heard one of them say that they were going to kill someone with his belt buckle.
Ryan, come on.
They must have known that I overheard them.
That's why they were trying to kill me.
But they surprised the super in my apartment, got him instead.
And he tried to stop them.
They killed him.
How did they know where to find you, huh? Because I was looking for them.
I was asking around, putting up flyers.
Oh, flyers.
Oh, well, that makes sense then.
You advertised for killers.
You have to believe me.
These are the guys that you want.
If you don't catch them, someone else is going to die, I swear to you.
I have a question.
No.
It's not a yes or no question.
What is the name of the restaurant that serves these alleged fries? And might I substitute a garlic, lemon aioli? Spencer, out.
Officer, if it helps any, I think substitutions are allowed.
So what do you think, Dr.
Morey? Well, he shows all the classic signs of an underlying pathology.
People like this lie in order to make themselves valuable.
Over time, when people stop believing their lies, they're forced to escalate their behavior in order to reclaim the attention.
Could he escalate it to the point of murder? My professional opinion? Please.
His police history and the circumstantial evidence of his fingerprints on the murder weapon and the victim's blood on his hands Hmm, yes, I think that should be enough to prosecute him.
Well that's too bad.
Why? Because Lyin' Ryan is telling the truth this time.
Oh.
In between the lines there's a lot of obscurity I'm not inclined to resign to maturity If it's all right then you're all wrong But why bounce around to the same damn song? You'd rather run when you can't crawl I know, you know That I'm not telling the truth I know, you know They just don't have any proof Embrace the deception Learn how to bend Your worst inhibitions tend to psych you out in the end And you're sure you want to take on the SBPD, an expert in forensic psychology and the DA's office? Because they all believe he's guilty.
I certainly want to investigate further.
Every good liar's lies are rooted in a kernel of truth.
This isn't even our case.
Are you trying to show up the police department? Is this about pride? Gus, I got these jeans at a garage.
Not a garage sale, a garage.
Clearly, pride is not an issue for me.
This is about me not wanting a man to be wrongfully convicted because he has a sickness that he cannot control.
Plus, he appreciated my hair.
No, he appreciated my hair.
He was lying.
He's a compulsive liar, that's what they do.
Come on, try to play Catch Up.
Uh, why don't you play, Investigate This on Your Own? Fine.
Stay here, wash the dishes in those ridiculous gloves.
I'm going to the restaurant that he said had cheese infused twice battered fries.
I'll drive.
Enjoy! The fries exist, Shawn.
He was telling the truth in a big way.
They're like a pyramid of savory goodness.
Let's just sit here and look at them for a while.
Dude, this feels like a family establishment, doesn't it? I'm not sure two ruthless hired gunmen would frequent a place like A car speeds right through the storefront window across the street, that made me turn my head.
this.
Uh, excuse us.
Uh-huh.
Do you remember if there were two threatening looking guys sitting at the table in the corner yesterday? Oh, my gosh.
Yes! How did you know that? He's psychic.
Oh, oh! Do you do parties? Private ones, yes.
Were you thinking of throwing a little something together for yourself? Uh, no.
My niece, she's turning six.
Not available for that.
Uh, do you by chance remember overhearing anything they said? No the only thing they said to me was when they ordered.
A beer and a cup of hot water with cinnamon sticks and lemon wedges.
I clogged it with cinnamon sticks and lemon wedges from a marinade.
But they were totally creepy.
Scared the heck out of the hostess.
Yeah, I saw those guys.
Definitely, very creepy.
The one with the weird handlebar mustache.
And that is when I overheard the guy with the curly Q's on his face.
Handlebar mustache? Like the Hamburglar? No, no, no.
That was Mayor McCheese.
He had the 'stache.
Burglar had the mask.
Right, right.
Then there was Grimace.
That brother was funny.
What? No, no, no, no, no.
Excuse us.
I gave you Vin Diesel.
Gave me? You're not claiming Grimace as a brother.
Grimace is a brother.
He's an amorphous mass.
He's like a big amoeba.
He's a black amoeba, Shawn.
Purple.
Anyway When I seated them, I saw a bulge under his suit jacket.
Like from a gun on his belt.
They were going to kill someone with his belt buckle.
I think I'm starting to understand how Ryan works.
When people stop believing their lies, they're forced to escalate their behavior in order to reclaim the attention.
I'm sorry.
Anything else? No, but you guys should talk to Carl, the valet.
He had a really weird story.
Thank you.
What color was Grimace? What? Black.
Yeah, those creepy dudes.
They were talking a lot about money or something.
Then one of them slips the other one a bag of cash, but then they give me a 50 cent tip.
You know, it really pisses me off when folks are too cheap to even shell out for a dollar.
I hear that.
Take care of yourself.
Mr.
Spencer, Mr.
Guster.
What are you doing here? Well, Chief, if you must know.
I must.
We are going to speak with Ryan because the psychic bone in this finger is telling me that he is not lying about the hit men, which means he may also be telling the truth about the assassination plot.
And if we don't follow up on it, even though it seems pretty thin, someone could die.
What? No, I will.
I will tell her that because it's spot on.
Chief, that is a very smart pantsuit.
I'm not having a conversation with your pinkie.
Okay, one last question.
Loehmann's or Talbots? Even if I did believe you, which I don't, I have been down this road with Ryan too many times.
Now, unless you have some concrete proof of something, you and your pinkie are banned from wasting any department resources on any information coming from Ryan Bainsworth.
Fair enough! We will find you something concrete.
Thank you.
Good news, we have an ingenious plan.
Ingenious.
Huh.
So, maybe you'd like to turn and face another direction.
Preferably away from Ryan's holding cell.
You're not speaking to him.
This is not a case for you.
Go home.
Oh! Oh, us.
We should We go home.
Thank you.
No, no.
You didn't do anything wrong.
It's not your fault.
His name was Grimace Jackson, Shawn.
Grimace T.
Jackson.
You're ridiculous.
Whatever.
How are we going to get into Ryan's apartment to check it out? Follow my lead.
Hiya.
Hello.
May I help you? Perhaps.
My name is Shawn Spencer, I'm with the Big Uncles of America program.
This is my underprivileged mentee, Hollaback Atcha.
He's selling magazine subscriptions as a way to learn business skills.
Otherwise, he'd be forced to join a gang if he was still on the streets.
If I were still out on the street, I'd be an OG.
You wish.
Okay, just don't tell anyone I let you in.
Oh, thank you very much.
Now what exactly are we looking for? Evidence.
Evidence to corroborate the story.
Check it out.
Look at the way the blood sprayed along the wall.
Just look.
What? The aortic spatter? Sure.
It means that the super's aortic artery was punctured during the murder.
The built up blood pressure causes different kinds of Wow.
Some of us like to be prepared, Shawn.
No, no.
When Ryan came into the station, he only had blood on his hands.
If he had killed the super, wouldn't it have sprayed all over his clothes, too? Oh, no! Oh, my gosh.
Oh, oh! That means that the super was in the wrong place at the really, really wrong time.
The assassins took him out thinking he was Ryan.
How did they know where to find you, huh? Because I was looking for them.
I was asking around, putting up flyers.
That means Ryan's telling the truth.
Which also means that there's someone else out there with a target on their back.
Gus, look! Ryan really did work at Busch Gardens.
Is that what he thinks good hair looks like? I think that's Koko B.
Ware.
Shawn, come on.
Look, he's letting Ryan shoulder the parrot.
Where are we going to find these so-called assassins? Mmm-mmm-mmm.
But Ryan's the only one that can help us find them.
Even if they did exist, the Chief was emphatic when she said, she does not want us talking to Ryan while he's in police custody.
Bingo.
Don't say bingo.
Cranium.
Now, I'll play some Cranium.
How much do we have in the Psych savings account? I really hate it when you ask that question.
Thank you very much.
What are you doing here? Dapper Dan! Just going to pay a visit to our old buddy Ryan.
You were given direct orders to stay away from him.
Yeah, we don't take orders well.
No.
Unless they're to get on the dance floor.
Or raise the roof.
Make some noise with a "Z.
" You know what? Just forget I asked, okay? Sorry.
What is it, the first day with the new feet? He spent all day in court waiting to testify on a case and the defense attorney didn't show up again.
But he's right, you guys can't communicate with Ryan while he's in custody.
I guess it's a good thing he's no longer in custody.
Seeing as how we just posted his bail.
Looks like paper.
Actually our life savings.
Bye, bye.
Hey, you guys want lunch? You know I own a restaurant downtown.
Actually, it's not all mine.
I co-own it with Mike Ditka.
You guys eat wild game, don't you? Once we find the real killers, the police will believe us.
Us? What us? I'm not convinced you didn't kill that dude.
Blood splatter is a subjective science.
It was the assassins, I'm telling you.
And if we don't stop them, they're going to kill again.
I think Ryan has a point.
Is there a Kinko's nearby? We should make some new flyers.
What information do you actually have? I don't know if it's enough, but I did overhear a time, a place, and a name.
Come again.
I know who, what and where.
Ryan, that That's everything we need to know.
That's all of it.
Why didn't you just say that in the first place? Because no one would let me.
That's true, Gus, that's very true.
Yeah, I got that, Shawn.
Just go ahead, Ryan.
The time was 10:00.
To 4:30.
Yeah.
A six hour window? What, do your killers work at the cable company? It's okay.
What's the place? Four twenty Four twenty-something.
I didn't get a street name or an apartment number, but the address definitely has a 420 in it.
Hmm.
But the name I have.
Perfect.
What is it? Tom.
Tom? You wouldn't happen to have a last name, would you? Come on, guys! I can't do everything for you.
Oh, I'm teaching a water aerobics class in 20 minutes.
I've got to go.
Go? We just bailed you out of jail.
Ryan, it's okay.
I trust you.
Do your thing.
We'll let you know when we have something.
Perfect.
I will have one of my assistants track me down wherever I am.
Count on it! Okay Don't worry, Gus.
We'll travel faster without him.
All right, fine.
Every liar has a tell.
So, why Sure he's good, but if you listen, it's there.
All right, would you Let's head back to the office.
Will you stop Of course, we're going to stop for tacos on the way.
Thank you.
I'm sorry.
What time do you close? Well, if you're closed already, why are you answering the phone? Dude, the clock is ticking on some guy's life and you're out getting a milkshake? Gus, don't be this crevice in my arm.
This isn't a milkshake, it's a smoothie.
There's a huge difference.
And I was going around the neighborhood checking all the places that are open from 10:00 to 4:30 and by blind luck one of them just happened to be the only juice bar in Santa Barbara that offers blueberries in the mist with açaí and goji berries.
I didn't order that.
This is the normal blueberries in the mist.
How did you do? I've got a list of all the addresses in Santa Barbara that begin with 420.
There are over 700 possibilities, Shawn.
Four twenty, first street, 420, second street, you get the drift.
Wow.
I guess next we'll have to comb through apartments and suites, too.
What are you doing? I'm sorry, Shawn, but I never fully believed Ryan in the first place.
I was going along with your gut as usual.
And I have a non-negotiable distance limit on those trips.
I have a real job.
Are you telling me you would rather sell pharmaceuticals than foil an assassination plot and clear an innocent man that's been accused of murder? Innocent man? We just took on the world's most unreliable client.
I get the feeling I'm going to need all the commissions I can get.
I'll be spending the next six weeks praying he doesn't skip out on his hearing, so we can get our bail money back.
You can get bail money back? Well, what am I supposed to do? I don't know.
Call the Human Lie Detector.
Okay, Ryan.
Just tell him exactly what you told the police.
Oh, I killed the super of my building.
What? That's not That's not true at all.
Well, the Santa Barbara Police Department seems to think it's true.
Otherwise, why did they arrest me? Shawn, if this guy says that he's guilty, what the hell am I doing here? He's lying.
Wait, he's lying about lying? Yes.
No.
I Ryan! Ryan, tell him about the assassins.
The creepy assassins with the handlebar mustache and the plot and the counterclockwise water, please.
Assassins? Counterclockwise water? Really, Shawn, if I said that, I would sound crazy.
Dude, you are crazy.
You're way off the reservation, that's why I'm trying to keep you out of jail.
When you lie, does that make you feel important? Because if you keep lying the way you do, no one will believe you when it counts.
I will slap you in the face.
Oh, violence is not the answer.
I would say that you are the second most sane person in this room.
Ryan, would you excuse us for just a minute? Oh, yeah.
Don't wander off.
All right, Shawn.
Why are you working so hard on this one? I work hard on all my cases.
I know you do.
You work hard to have fun, to show off.
Look, I'm not an idiot.
I know this guy's got a screw loose.
He's lying out his ass.
What I don't understand is why you're taking this one so seriously.
I guess because nobody, including the police, believes him.
I know what's going on here.
Oh, really? Yes, I do.
Shawn, listen to me.
You are not Ryan.
Yeah, you stretch the truth a little bit sometimes, but at least you know where the line is.
Of course, I know where the line is.
But only because of two things.
One, you always had somebody around who knew when you were lying and bothered to call you on it.
What's the second thing? Well, I'd like to say that you always had enough natural talent to fall back on.
But I'd be lying.
Listen to me, kid.
If you ever drag my ass down here again to do Guster's job, I'm going to hit you up with a consulting fee.
Okay, good night, Captain.
What was that? That was me saving your life.
From my dad? We don't know who we can trust.
We've got to stay low.
Low.
I have a face guy who can disguise us, get us out of the country if need be.
He's Yeah, he's probably going to have to break your nose, but remember, this is what you signed up for.
Stop it! What? This is real.
Your life is in danger.
Okay? Even Batman takes off the cape and the cowl when he's in the Batcave with Alfred, so just pretend like I'm Alfred and you be Ryan Wayne.
It's them! It's them! Don't get it! Hold on.
Don't! Hello? Shawn, I can't believe I'm making this call, but I figured it out.
I'm standing at 420 Main Street.
And guess what it is? A hospital.
Spencer, what the hell? Are you all right? Yeah, of course I am.
Why? Well, we got the message that you were at the hospital, something about life and death? Oh, right, that.
Well, we are in a hospital and, as it happens, it's filled with both life and death.
I knew, I should have left that message.
What's going on, Spencer? Ryan and I spent some quality time in a psychic sweat lodge.
Toweled.
Fully.
And I have had a clear vision of the absolute truth.
The target of the assassination is right down the hall.
His name is Tom.
Tom Lieber.
And he needs police protection.
Is this more of your bullcrap, Bainsworth? Because in addition to your murder charge, I'm pretty sure we have enough to charge you with reckless disregard of police resources.
You two, as well.
More than enough grounds.
Wait, no, you have to believe us! Ah! You're killing me! You're killing me! Freeze! Perfect timing.
I'm dead.
Thanks a lot.
You.
Out.
No, no, no, no! I don't want to hear it anymore.
Get out.
Spencer, thank you once again for completely wasting my time.
Once again, just last week I gave you the tip about the twice yearly sale at T.
J.
Maxx.
Racks and racks of $7 ties.
Wasting your time? I don't think so.
What's going on? Is this about the accident? Because I still don't remember it.
What accident? I hit a car.
You mean you were hit by a car? No, I hit one.
Or at least that's what they told me.
I don't remember any of it.
Why would I even want to hit a Buick? I don't have anything against Buicks.
Carlton, look at this.
Sir, are you suffering from amnesia? Yeah.
Maybe.
I think.
Or something like that.
Great.
Leave it to Lyin' Ryan to find the only amnesiac in Santa Barbara.
Although, I won't be the only amnesia person much longer, I'm getting my memory back.
A little bit each day.
Look, Lieber.
Tom.
I never forgot that.
How wonderful for you.
We think you may be in grave danger.
No, we don't.
Yes, we do.
This side of the room, the cool side Sorry, Jules.
think that How How do we Someone may be trying to kill you.
Are you blackmailing anyone? Are you having a torrid affair? Are you part of Treadstone? Wait, don't answer the last question.
Oh, wow, no.
No.
I work from home, receiving and processing complaints for a mattress manufacturer.
On Tuesdays, I go out and get new games, maybe throw in a trip to which must have been where I was going Oh, just after 6:00.
Anapamu Street.
I would have been there right after the What? My games.
All over the street.
How great would those have been during my convalescence? Okay, this is fascinating.
Spencer, make-believe time's over.
We got real police work to do.
By the way, you're still a long ways off from connecting anyone other than Ryan to the murder of that super.
Hey, Chief, what do you got? Shawn, what are we doing? Ryan lied to us again.
He made us look like fools again.
And now we're standing in the room with a guy who literally knows nothing.
No offense, Tom.
No, none taken.
Visiting hours ended hours ago.
You gentlemen need to finish your business now.
Oh, our business is definitely finished.
Trust me.
Tom, I do hope you remember stuff.
Yeah.
No, no, no, you got it.
We'll be there in ten.
I certainly hope you didn't make dinner reservations at Souplantation.
Gus and I have already eaten.
I suppose we could go around the corner and watch you eat, if you'd like.
They just found a body in a vacant office suite on the corner of Gardner and Carrillo.
Really? Any ID? You're not going to believe this, it is the defense attorney on the case we've been trying to give testimony on all week.
Huh.
What about Ryan's assassins? You should call either the Loch Ness monster or Bigfoot if you get in trouble.
I'm sure they'd be happy to help.
First of all Bigfoot and I haven't spoken in five years.
Six if you don't count his cousin's wedding, which was literally like, "Hey, B.
" Come on, Jules, you know me and I know people.
I can read them.
You know that.
I have spent enough time with Ryan to know when he's lying and when he's telling the truth.
And there is a kernel of truth in every one of his stories so they cannot be dismissed.
Neither can he.
He's a person.
A person is more than the tales that they tell.
Yeah, well, right now he's more than just a person.
He's a doctor.
You know they say we doctors have a God complex.
But after seven years of neurosurgery, I say we have a complex God.
Look on the bright side, Spencer, you keep up this losing streak, you'll become completely useless to the department.
I know, we haven't eaten.
Shawn, we are treading on thin ice right now.
Yes, but I'm about to do a double axle into a Salchow and finish with a sweet little camel toe.
You mean camel spin.
I've heard it both ways.
I'm right about the Ryan thing.
No, you are obsessed with this Ryan thing.
And, dude, if your psychic powers disappear, Vick won't need to hire us anymore.
There's no way we can subsist on the private jobs we get.
How many times must we go through this? I am this close to getting on the Pro Bowlers Tour.
I am not doing this.
Okay.
I get it.
We have to make nice with the Chief.
Why do you think I brought along this peace offering? You really think that one container of fries cuatro quesos, dos fritos is going to fix everything? Yes, I do.
The lawyer had two slugs in his chest.
Ballistics is checking the system for matches.
Any trace? Nothing yet.
The lab's going to call the second they find anything.
Oh, not now, gentlemen.
We are in the middle of a homicide investigation.
And don't think I don't know that you've been wasting my detectives' time chasing leads, once again supplied by Ryan Bainsworth.
Chief.
Chief Vick.
Hmm.
Chief Karen Charles Vick.
Here.
Ooh! It's a fries cuatro quesos, dos fritos and apparently doesn't travel well.
The point is we are sorry for making Lassiter and Juliet run around town on wild goose chases.
Shawn's psychic powers have been a tad on the fritz.
The good news is they're back to 100% working order and we are fully available to help on this murder case you are now on.
Even more good news, those taste better than they look.
Yes, they do.
Fine.
Apology accepted.
And my middle name is not Charles.
I took a shot.
I knew it was a C.
Now about this defense attorney's murder case, any victim of an assassination plot? Wow, really? As odd as it sounds, it actually did cross my mind.
So I checked it out and I can say with certainty that he is not the victim of Mr.
Bainsworth's assassination plot.
The coroner puts time of death at four days ago and a recently discovered witness who heard shots at 6:00 that evening confirms it.
Which means the lawyer was killed before Ryan allegedly overheard these men planning a hit.
Our victim would have already been dead at that point.
No need to kill him again.
Unless he was a zombie.
Chief? Yes.
The surveillance video from the backdoor of the garage near the scene of the crime came in, it's corrupted.
There's not much of it.
Hey, are those the fries cuatro quesos? Yes, they are.
They don't travel well.
O'Hara, set it up.
Let's take a look.
Wait, dude, she said the lawyer died four days ago.
Yes.
It's over, Shawn.
Four days ago was Tuesday.
That means the lawyer got killed in a building on Gardner Street on the same day that Lieber got hit by a car on Anapamu.
Not just the same day, the same time, around 6:00 p.
m.
And those streets are only two blocks away.
Ryan, the lawyer, Lieber, they're all connected somehow.
Come on.
Fries.
Sorry to interrupt.
I just got a very strong vibe that you're about to apologize to us.
In what world would we ever apologize to you? Wayne's, maybe Dave's, it's a small Spencer.
I believe this DVD will prove that Ryan and I have been right all along.
No, who's that? O'Hara, rewind that.
No way! That's Tom Lieber.
That's the kid that Bainsworth led us to at the hospital, Chief, and he's running away from where the body was found.
Well, I guess you were right, Mr.
Spencer, Lieber must have killed the lawyer and then got hit by the car as he fled the scene.
Ooh, I don't know, the spirits are a little cloudy on that part, Chief.
I'm sorry for the spirits, but we don't have time for gray areas.
Detectives, I want you to get to that hospital right now.
From what I understand Lieber is regaining his memory and the second he remembers what he did, he could run.
Come on, let's go.
Got it.
She knows she's not going to eat that.
What? I don't think Lieber's the killer.
I saw something on the tape.
Hold on.
There.
Right there.
He stops and looks back over his shoulder.
Why? Because someone is chasing him.
Two creepy someones, to be exact.
Lieber didn't kill the lawyer, but he saw who did.
Ryan's assassins.
They chased him into traffic and they thought that was the end of it.
But then the newspaper reports that he survived, goes into a coma, wakes up with amnesia, the killers think they still have a window.
But today's paper said he's regaining his memory.
So Ryan overheard the real killers plotting to take out Lieber.
We have got to get back to the hospital and tell Lassy and Jules that these guys are coming back to clean up their own mess.
Come on! What was his condition, now, did he seem Yeah, Dawson, I need an APB out on a Thomas Lieber.
He's wanted for questioning in a murder.
Get his picture from the DMV.
Where's Lieber? Gone.
Looks like he's on the lamb.
If he's on a lamb, he won't get far.
Alpaca, different story.
Those things really fly.
You two don't need to be here.
It's not true, Lassy.
Lieber didn't kill the lawyer.
He witnessed Ryan's assassins do the deed and now they've clearly come back to get him.
And I promise I will ask all about your insane little theories once I put them both in jail.
Come on, Gus.
Let's find Tom.
I should have been onto this way earlier.
I can't believe I didn't make the connection.
We don't know that Lieber's dead, Shawn.
Maybe he remembered and left before the killers could find him.
Hey, guys! They're right behind us! They're going to kill us! Drive! Drive! Okay, enough with the seat belts! Just drive! They're right behind us! Where did you learn to drive? All right, now you want to keep this upright.
I'm sorry.
I had to take matters into my own hands.
I snuck Lieber out the ambulance bay and when I saw you guys pull up I knew we could hide in the car.
Incoming! So, wait, you just took him out of the hospital? Well, I had to act quickly.
Tom started to remember everything.
Well, not everything, really.
Yet.
And the killers, the killers were already in the building.
It was like a game of cat and mouse trying to get out of there unseen.
Didn't we just use the elevator? Would you please let me tell the story? He's parking, he's parking, he's parking! Very nice, partner.
Just weaved your way through those obstacles like a ferret on roller skates or Hey, what are you doing? Why are we slowing down? No, no, no.
Gus.
What are you doing? Dude, the killers are right behind us! Nobody's following us, Shawn.
And there never was.
The only thing I know for sure right now is that we are harboring two fugitives.
Okay, Gus, look, I believe Ryan, but I understand why you don't.
I maxed you out in the blind faith department and that's fair so you don't have to believe him.
Just keep believing in me.
Come on, buddy.
That's them! That's them! That's them! That's the guys from the restaurant! It's coming back to me.
They shot that man! Drive! Drive! Hey, Gus, drive! I'm gonna kill you, Shawn! Get down! We got to get out of here! We're sitting ducks! Everybody run! Run, run, run! Go, run! Serpentine! Serpentine! Zigzag! Hide in here! What are you doing? We're never going to make it! Not at a complete stop, we won't! Doctor, this bag is empty.
Is that important? I'll hold them off.
Get him back to the hospital.
Hopefully Lassy and Jules are still there.
Hold them off, how? I don't know.
I'll think of something, I always do! So do I.
Shawn.
Just get him out of here.
He's the one that has to make it.
Then I'm going to kill you, Shawn.
I'll give you every opportunity to do that, buddy.
We accept the terms of your surrender.
Uh, you mean you're surrendering.
Yeah.
We're the ones holding the guns here.
Well You and the 20 or so cops that are waiting in lie around that corner.
Plus, hasn't there been enough bloodshed already? I mean first the lawyer, then Ryan's poor super.
You guys are terrible at cleaning up after yourselves.
Yeah, and you're lying about the backup.
Look into my eyes and tell me if I'm lying.
There's no backup.
They were telling the truth.
Apparently so.
That's a good looking handlebar.
I wonder who his mustache guy is.
Down on the ground, cowboy.
That's better.
Oh, good, you're both here.
Whoa, let me guess, there's a bomb on a bus and if it goes below 50 miles per hour the whole thing's going to explode! No, no, no more lies.
I am quitting cold turkey, turning over a new leaf.
Really? No more Lyin' Ryan.
No.
Just like you said, I am going to be just Ryan.
If you hadn't believed me an innocent person would have ended up dead.
And all because I became a guy who couldn't be taken at his word.
So I just wanted to come here to thank you before I took off.
Well, if it's any consolation, I believed you from the very beginning.
Especially since you recognized I have great hair.
I was talking about him.
You were lying.
It's okay.
I forgive you.
I'm coming around.
So where are you off to? This is unbelievable.
I got tapped to captain a hot air balloon in a multi-state regatta.
I take off tomorrow.
Hot air balloons have captains? Oh, yeah.
Of course they have captains.
Captains, first mates, deck hands, I got really lucky.
It was a friend of a friend of mine, kind of thing.
If you guys ever want a ride, I mean come on, I owe you.
I'll even let you steer the thing, just don't tell anyone, okay? Take care of yourselves.
Man, I am glad he is out of our life.
That's ridiculous.
Hot air balloon? That's crazy though, right? Yeah.
It's not possible.
Do you think he would really let us steer? There's only one way to find out.
You said you weren't going to fall for any more of his stories.
No, I didn't.
Whatever! I knew you were lying.
You're a liar.
Shotgun.
How am I a liar? You can't call shotgun on a hot air balloon, Shawn! In between the lines there's a lot of obscurity I'm not inclined to resign to maturity If it's all right then you're all wrong But why bounce around to the same damn song? You'd rather run when you can't crawl I know, you know That I'm not telling the truth I know, you know They just don't have any proof Embrace the deception Learn how to bend Your worst inhibitions tend to psych you out in the end I know, you know I know, you know
And one of them thought he was a kangaroo and he punched the guy and he passed out before he could put the kids back to normal.
Uh, but luckily Mr.
Detmer, an ex-Navy SEAL, put everyone back before six kids had to go to the hospital.
Let me see the suspension note from the teacher.
How did you know? Kid, I got a nickname at work, it's the Human Lie Detector.
I spend my day analyzing lies and the people who tell them.
Rule number one, every lie is built on a kernel of truth.
Take your little fib, for instance.
If I were to put money on it, I'd say the only true thing that you just said is that Mr.
Detmer is ex-Navy SEAL.
You're right.
That's amazing.
Not really.
The relative specificity of that statement compared to the others made it obvious.
Look, Shawn, if you continue to lie like this nobody's going to believe you when it counts.
And that could put your life on the line.
Like maybe when I might be a cop? No! Like now.
Shawn Spencer thrives on clutch moments like this.
It's just him, the ball and the hole.
He's surrounded by silence.
And a man wearing a hefty bag on angel dust.
Come on, dude.
I was in the zone.
Now I have to start all over.
Shawn, the floor is flat.
I don't know why you can't just putt in our office.
Because Gus, anyone can hit a ball into an empty cup.
The true challenge is to guide the ball almost magically through the organized chaos of human bustle and into the hole as if no one were there.
Let's just hope it works better than when you attempted the same thing with the darts.
Pardon me, I nailed that, No.
You hit a guy's eye.
Shh! Dude.
Stay alive.
What? Get there.
Oh! How about my phone call, huh? You'll get your phone call.
I didn't do it.
You have to believe me.
Oh! Who put a putting green in here? He was already dead.
I was trying to resuscitate him.
Wait, wait, that guy.
The one with the great hair.
He can vouch for me.
I think we worked at Busch Gardens together one summer.
Yeah, we made funnel cakes.
Oh, look at that, Gus, he must have gotten me confused with another man with great hair.
And the white guy, I know him, too.
Save it, Ryan.
Hey, remember? Just shut up! Uh, Jules What's the story there? Yeah? That's Ryan Bainsworth, or Lyin' Ryan, as we call him around here.
He's a compulsive liar who is notorious for calling in tips and sending the department on wild goose chases.
He's pretty much an embarrassment to all of us.
How can you tell that someone's a compulsive liar? I mean, assuming that their pants aren't on fire.
Trust me, we know.
Oh, come on, Jules.
We all tend to bend the truth just a little.
Not me.
Mmm-mmm.
Oh, really? Does this ring a bell? "No, Shawn, I have not had any naughty dreams about you.
" And, "Yes, Shawn, I do wish Gus was never born, so that I could be your partner.
" What? True story.
That's messed up.
I never said that, Gus.
Anyway, Ryan usually comes in claiming to be a witness to a crime, but this time it looks like he's committed one.
Oh, Detective O'Hara, this is Dr.
Morey, the DA's psychological expert.
Nice to meet you.
Here's the file on our suspect.
Thank you very much.
Don't mind them.
They're just here to observe.
She's right.
Please carry on.
When you're finished, I'd appreciate it if you'd evaluate my partner Gus.
For years he's been claiming to be insane in the membrane.
All right, why don't you just do us all a favor and write down in neat little letters all about how you stabbed and murdered your super in cold blood? For the last time, I'm innocent.
I had asked my super to fix the garbage disposal.
I clogged it with cinnamon sticks and lemon wedges from a marinade.
Afterwards, he was to check my pipes because the polarity is completely off and the water drains counterclockwise, but by the time I got home, I found him there.
Dead.
Doctor, if I can speak for you.
I'd rather you didn't.
Look, all things being equal, I'd rather be scrapbooking right now, but that's not important.
Though I have been known to make a kickass collage.
Then maybe you'd like to tell me who did kill him.
Yes.
An assassin.
An assassin? A hired assassin.
No, two of them, actually.
Yes, you see that has to be it.
The night before, I went to this restaurant to get a basket of these things called fries cuatro quesos, dos fritos.
You know, the ones where they inject potatoes with a four cheese mixture, fry them three quarters of the way, pull them out, batter them, fry them again and then serve them with bacon and an ancho chili sour cream.
Anyway, as I was sitting there, a car speeds right through the storefront across the street.
It makes such a loud noise, I had to turn my head and look and that is when I overheard the guy with the curly Q's on his face tell the other guy at the corner table about the assassination plot.
Can that be true? No way.
I mean, is it even possible? I couldn't imagine it.
There's no way you can prepare a fry like that.
That'd be way too much for the human palate to manage.
It would be a flavor seizure.
Gentlemen, please, don't be ridiculous.
She's right.
Let's just take a minute here, think things through.
They must be parboiling the potato first.
An assassination plot? Seriously, how gullible do you think we are? You have to believe me.
I'm 100% sure on this.
I clearly heard one of them say that they were going to kill someone with his belt buckle.
Ryan, come on.
They must have known that I overheard them.
That's why they were trying to kill me.
But they surprised the super in my apartment, got him instead.
And he tried to stop them.
They killed him.
How did they know where to find you, huh? Because I was looking for them.
I was asking around, putting up flyers.
Oh, flyers.
Oh, well, that makes sense then.
You advertised for killers.
You have to believe me.
These are the guys that you want.
If you don't catch them, someone else is going to die, I swear to you.
I have a question.
No.
It's not a yes or no question.
What is the name of the restaurant that serves these alleged fries? And might I substitute a garlic, lemon aioli? Spencer, out.
Officer, if it helps any, I think substitutions are allowed.
So what do you think, Dr.
Morey? Well, he shows all the classic signs of an underlying pathology.
People like this lie in order to make themselves valuable.
Over time, when people stop believing their lies, they're forced to escalate their behavior in order to reclaim the attention.
Could he escalate it to the point of murder? My professional opinion? Please.
His police history and the circumstantial evidence of his fingerprints on the murder weapon and the victim's blood on his hands Hmm, yes, I think that should be enough to prosecute him.
Well that's too bad.
Why? Because Lyin' Ryan is telling the truth this time.
Oh.
In between the lines there's a lot of obscurity I'm not inclined to resign to maturity If it's all right then you're all wrong But why bounce around to the same damn song? You'd rather run when you can't crawl I know, you know That I'm not telling the truth I know, you know They just don't have any proof Embrace the deception Learn how to bend Your worst inhibitions tend to psych you out in the end And you're sure you want to take on the SBPD, an expert in forensic psychology and the DA's office? Because they all believe he's guilty.
I certainly want to investigate further.
Every good liar's lies are rooted in a kernel of truth.
This isn't even our case.
Are you trying to show up the police department? Is this about pride? Gus, I got these jeans at a garage.
Not a garage sale, a garage.
Clearly, pride is not an issue for me.
This is about me not wanting a man to be wrongfully convicted because he has a sickness that he cannot control.
Plus, he appreciated my hair.
No, he appreciated my hair.
He was lying.
He's a compulsive liar, that's what they do.
Come on, try to play Catch Up.
Uh, why don't you play, Investigate This on Your Own? Fine.
Stay here, wash the dishes in those ridiculous gloves.
I'm going to the restaurant that he said had cheese infused twice battered fries.
I'll drive.
Enjoy! The fries exist, Shawn.
He was telling the truth in a big way.
They're like a pyramid of savory goodness.
Let's just sit here and look at them for a while.
Dude, this feels like a family establishment, doesn't it? I'm not sure two ruthless hired gunmen would frequent a place like A car speeds right through the storefront window across the street, that made me turn my head.
this.
Uh, excuse us.
Uh-huh.
Do you remember if there were two threatening looking guys sitting at the table in the corner yesterday? Oh, my gosh.
Yes! How did you know that? He's psychic.
Oh, oh! Do you do parties? Private ones, yes.
Were you thinking of throwing a little something together for yourself? Uh, no.
My niece, she's turning six.
Not available for that.
Uh, do you by chance remember overhearing anything they said? No the only thing they said to me was when they ordered.
A beer and a cup of hot water with cinnamon sticks and lemon wedges.
I clogged it with cinnamon sticks and lemon wedges from a marinade.
But they were totally creepy.
Scared the heck out of the hostess.
Yeah, I saw those guys.
Definitely, very creepy.
The one with the weird handlebar mustache.
And that is when I overheard the guy with the curly Q's on his face.
Handlebar mustache? Like the Hamburglar? No, no, no.
That was Mayor McCheese.
He had the 'stache.
Burglar had the mask.
Right, right.
Then there was Grimace.
That brother was funny.
What? No, no, no, no, no.
Excuse us.
I gave you Vin Diesel.
Gave me? You're not claiming Grimace as a brother.
Grimace is a brother.
He's an amorphous mass.
He's like a big amoeba.
He's a black amoeba, Shawn.
Purple.
Anyway When I seated them, I saw a bulge under his suit jacket.
Like from a gun on his belt.
They were going to kill someone with his belt buckle.
I think I'm starting to understand how Ryan works.
When people stop believing their lies, they're forced to escalate their behavior in order to reclaim the attention.
I'm sorry.
Anything else? No, but you guys should talk to Carl, the valet.
He had a really weird story.
Thank you.
What color was Grimace? What? Black.
Yeah, those creepy dudes.
They were talking a lot about money or something.
Then one of them slips the other one a bag of cash, but then they give me a 50 cent tip.
You know, it really pisses me off when folks are too cheap to even shell out for a dollar.
I hear that.
Take care of yourself.
Mr.
Spencer, Mr.
Guster.
What are you doing here? Well, Chief, if you must know.
I must.
We are going to speak with Ryan because the psychic bone in this finger is telling me that he is not lying about the hit men, which means he may also be telling the truth about the assassination plot.
And if we don't follow up on it, even though it seems pretty thin, someone could die.
What? No, I will.
I will tell her that because it's spot on.
Chief, that is a very smart pantsuit.
I'm not having a conversation with your pinkie.
Okay, one last question.
Loehmann's or Talbots? Even if I did believe you, which I don't, I have been down this road with Ryan too many times.
Now, unless you have some concrete proof of something, you and your pinkie are banned from wasting any department resources on any information coming from Ryan Bainsworth.
Fair enough! We will find you something concrete.
Thank you.
Good news, we have an ingenious plan.
Ingenious.
Huh.
So, maybe you'd like to turn and face another direction.
Preferably away from Ryan's holding cell.
You're not speaking to him.
This is not a case for you.
Go home.
Oh! Oh, us.
We should We go home.
Thank you.
No, no.
You didn't do anything wrong.
It's not your fault.
His name was Grimace Jackson, Shawn.
Grimace T.
Jackson.
You're ridiculous.
Whatever.
How are we going to get into Ryan's apartment to check it out? Follow my lead.
Hiya.
Hello.
May I help you? Perhaps.
My name is Shawn Spencer, I'm with the Big Uncles of America program.
This is my underprivileged mentee, Hollaback Atcha.
He's selling magazine subscriptions as a way to learn business skills.
Otherwise, he'd be forced to join a gang if he was still on the streets.
If I were still out on the street, I'd be an OG.
You wish.
Okay, just don't tell anyone I let you in.
Oh, thank you very much.
Now what exactly are we looking for? Evidence.
Evidence to corroborate the story.
Check it out.
Look at the way the blood sprayed along the wall.
Just look.
What? The aortic spatter? Sure.
It means that the super's aortic artery was punctured during the murder.
The built up blood pressure causes different kinds of Wow.
Some of us like to be prepared, Shawn.
No, no.
When Ryan came into the station, he only had blood on his hands.
If he had killed the super, wouldn't it have sprayed all over his clothes, too? Oh, no! Oh, my gosh.
Oh, oh! That means that the super was in the wrong place at the really, really wrong time.
The assassins took him out thinking he was Ryan.
How did they know where to find you, huh? Because I was looking for them.
I was asking around, putting up flyers.
That means Ryan's telling the truth.
Which also means that there's someone else out there with a target on their back.
Gus, look! Ryan really did work at Busch Gardens.
Is that what he thinks good hair looks like? I think that's Koko B.
Ware.
Shawn, come on.
Look, he's letting Ryan shoulder the parrot.
Where are we going to find these so-called assassins? Mmm-mmm-mmm.
But Ryan's the only one that can help us find them.
Even if they did exist, the Chief was emphatic when she said, she does not want us talking to Ryan while he's in police custody.
Bingo.
Don't say bingo.
Cranium.
Now, I'll play some Cranium.
How much do we have in the Psych savings account? I really hate it when you ask that question.
Thank you very much.
What are you doing here? Dapper Dan! Just going to pay a visit to our old buddy Ryan.
You were given direct orders to stay away from him.
Yeah, we don't take orders well.
No.
Unless they're to get on the dance floor.
Or raise the roof.
Make some noise with a "Z.
" You know what? Just forget I asked, okay? Sorry.
What is it, the first day with the new feet? He spent all day in court waiting to testify on a case and the defense attorney didn't show up again.
But he's right, you guys can't communicate with Ryan while he's in custody.
I guess it's a good thing he's no longer in custody.
Seeing as how we just posted his bail.
Looks like paper.
Actually our life savings.
Bye, bye.
Hey, you guys want lunch? You know I own a restaurant downtown.
Actually, it's not all mine.
I co-own it with Mike Ditka.
You guys eat wild game, don't you? Once we find the real killers, the police will believe us.
Us? What us? I'm not convinced you didn't kill that dude.
Blood splatter is a subjective science.
It was the assassins, I'm telling you.
And if we don't stop them, they're going to kill again.
I think Ryan has a point.
Is there a Kinko's nearby? We should make some new flyers.
What information do you actually have? I don't know if it's enough, but I did overhear a time, a place, and a name.
Come again.
I know who, what and where.
Ryan, that That's everything we need to know.
That's all of it.
Why didn't you just say that in the first place? Because no one would let me.
That's true, Gus, that's very true.
Yeah, I got that, Shawn.
Just go ahead, Ryan.
The time was 10:00.
To 4:30.
Yeah.
A six hour window? What, do your killers work at the cable company? It's okay.
What's the place? Four twenty Four twenty-something.
I didn't get a street name or an apartment number, but the address definitely has a 420 in it.
Hmm.
But the name I have.
Perfect.
What is it? Tom.
Tom? You wouldn't happen to have a last name, would you? Come on, guys! I can't do everything for you.
Oh, I'm teaching a water aerobics class in 20 minutes.
I've got to go.
Go? We just bailed you out of jail.
Ryan, it's okay.
I trust you.
Do your thing.
We'll let you know when we have something.
Perfect.
I will have one of my assistants track me down wherever I am.
Count on it! Okay Don't worry, Gus.
We'll travel faster without him.
All right, fine.
Every liar has a tell.
So, why Sure he's good, but if you listen, it's there.
All right, would you Let's head back to the office.
Will you stop Of course, we're going to stop for tacos on the way.
Thank you.
I'm sorry.
What time do you close? Well, if you're closed already, why are you answering the phone? Dude, the clock is ticking on some guy's life and you're out getting a milkshake? Gus, don't be this crevice in my arm.
This isn't a milkshake, it's a smoothie.
There's a huge difference.
And I was going around the neighborhood checking all the places that are open from 10:00 to 4:30 and by blind luck one of them just happened to be the only juice bar in Santa Barbara that offers blueberries in the mist with açaí and goji berries.
I didn't order that.
This is the normal blueberries in the mist.
How did you do? I've got a list of all the addresses in Santa Barbara that begin with 420.
There are over 700 possibilities, Shawn.
Four twenty, first street, 420, second street, you get the drift.
Wow.
I guess next we'll have to comb through apartments and suites, too.
What are you doing? I'm sorry, Shawn, but I never fully believed Ryan in the first place.
I was going along with your gut as usual.
And I have a non-negotiable distance limit on those trips.
I have a real job.
Are you telling me you would rather sell pharmaceuticals than foil an assassination plot and clear an innocent man that's been accused of murder? Innocent man? We just took on the world's most unreliable client.
I get the feeling I'm going to need all the commissions I can get.
I'll be spending the next six weeks praying he doesn't skip out on his hearing, so we can get our bail money back.
You can get bail money back? Well, what am I supposed to do? I don't know.
Call the Human Lie Detector.
Okay, Ryan.
Just tell him exactly what you told the police.
Oh, I killed the super of my building.
What? That's not That's not true at all.
Well, the Santa Barbara Police Department seems to think it's true.
Otherwise, why did they arrest me? Shawn, if this guy says that he's guilty, what the hell am I doing here? He's lying.
Wait, he's lying about lying? Yes.
No.
I Ryan! Ryan, tell him about the assassins.
The creepy assassins with the handlebar mustache and the plot and the counterclockwise water, please.
Assassins? Counterclockwise water? Really, Shawn, if I said that, I would sound crazy.
Dude, you are crazy.
You're way off the reservation, that's why I'm trying to keep you out of jail.
When you lie, does that make you feel important? Because if you keep lying the way you do, no one will believe you when it counts.
I will slap you in the face.
Oh, violence is not the answer.
I would say that you are the second most sane person in this room.
Ryan, would you excuse us for just a minute? Oh, yeah.
Don't wander off.
All right, Shawn.
Why are you working so hard on this one? I work hard on all my cases.
I know you do.
You work hard to have fun, to show off.
Look, I'm not an idiot.
I know this guy's got a screw loose.
He's lying out his ass.
What I don't understand is why you're taking this one so seriously.
I guess because nobody, including the police, believes him.
I know what's going on here.
Oh, really? Yes, I do.
Shawn, listen to me.
You are not Ryan.
Yeah, you stretch the truth a little bit sometimes, but at least you know where the line is.
Of course, I know where the line is.
But only because of two things.
One, you always had somebody around who knew when you were lying and bothered to call you on it.
What's the second thing? Well, I'd like to say that you always had enough natural talent to fall back on.
But I'd be lying.
Listen to me, kid.
If you ever drag my ass down here again to do Guster's job, I'm going to hit you up with a consulting fee.
Okay, good night, Captain.
What was that? That was me saving your life.
From my dad? We don't know who we can trust.
We've got to stay low.
Low.
I have a face guy who can disguise us, get us out of the country if need be.
He's Yeah, he's probably going to have to break your nose, but remember, this is what you signed up for.
Stop it! What? This is real.
Your life is in danger.
Okay? Even Batman takes off the cape and the cowl when he's in the Batcave with Alfred, so just pretend like I'm Alfred and you be Ryan Wayne.
It's them! It's them! Don't get it! Hold on.
Don't! Hello? Shawn, I can't believe I'm making this call, but I figured it out.
I'm standing at 420 Main Street.
And guess what it is? A hospital.
Spencer, what the hell? Are you all right? Yeah, of course I am.
Why? Well, we got the message that you were at the hospital, something about life and death? Oh, right, that.
Well, we are in a hospital and, as it happens, it's filled with both life and death.
I knew, I should have left that message.
What's going on, Spencer? Ryan and I spent some quality time in a psychic sweat lodge.
Toweled.
Fully.
And I have had a clear vision of the absolute truth.
The target of the assassination is right down the hall.
His name is Tom.
Tom Lieber.
And he needs police protection.
Is this more of your bullcrap, Bainsworth? Because in addition to your murder charge, I'm pretty sure we have enough to charge you with reckless disregard of police resources.
You two, as well.
More than enough grounds.
Wait, no, you have to believe us! Ah! You're killing me! You're killing me! Freeze! Perfect timing.
I'm dead.
Thanks a lot.
You.
Out.
No, no, no, no! I don't want to hear it anymore.
Get out.
Spencer, thank you once again for completely wasting my time.
Once again, just last week I gave you the tip about the twice yearly sale at T.
J.
Maxx.
Racks and racks of $7 ties.
Wasting your time? I don't think so.
What's going on? Is this about the accident? Because I still don't remember it.
What accident? I hit a car.
You mean you were hit by a car? No, I hit one.
Or at least that's what they told me.
I don't remember any of it.
Why would I even want to hit a Buick? I don't have anything against Buicks.
Carlton, look at this.
Sir, are you suffering from amnesia? Yeah.
Maybe.
I think.
Or something like that.
Great.
Leave it to Lyin' Ryan to find the only amnesiac in Santa Barbara.
Although, I won't be the only amnesia person much longer, I'm getting my memory back.
A little bit each day.
Look, Lieber.
Tom.
I never forgot that.
How wonderful for you.
We think you may be in grave danger.
No, we don't.
Yes, we do.
This side of the room, the cool side Sorry, Jules.
think that How How do we Someone may be trying to kill you.
Are you blackmailing anyone? Are you having a torrid affair? Are you part of Treadstone? Wait, don't answer the last question.
Oh, wow, no.
No.
I work from home, receiving and processing complaints for a mattress manufacturer.
On Tuesdays, I go out and get new games, maybe throw in a trip to which must have been where I was going Oh, just after 6:00.
Anapamu Street.
I would have been there right after the What? My games.
All over the street.
How great would those have been during my convalescence? Okay, this is fascinating.
Spencer, make-believe time's over.
We got real police work to do.
By the way, you're still a long ways off from connecting anyone other than Ryan to the murder of that super.
Hey, Chief, what do you got? Shawn, what are we doing? Ryan lied to us again.
He made us look like fools again.
And now we're standing in the room with a guy who literally knows nothing.
No offense, Tom.
No, none taken.
Visiting hours ended hours ago.
You gentlemen need to finish your business now.
Oh, our business is definitely finished.
Trust me.
Tom, I do hope you remember stuff.
Yeah.
No, no, no, you got it.
We'll be there in ten.
I certainly hope you didn't make dinner reservations at Souplantation.
Gus and I have already eaten.
I suppose we could go around the corner and watch you eat, if you'd like.
They just found a body in a vacant office suite on the corner of Gardner and Carrillo.
Really? Any ID? You're not going to believe this, it is the defense attorney on the case we've been trying to give testimony on all week.
Huh.
What about Ryan's assassins? You should call either the Loch Ness monster or Bigfoot if you get in trouble.
I'm sure they'd be happy to help.
First of all Bigfoot and I haven't spoken in five years.
Six if you don't count his cousin's wedding, which was literally like, "Hey, B.
" Come on, Jules, you know me and I know people.
I can read them.
You know that.
I have spent enough time with Ryan to know when he's lying and when he's telling the truth.
And there is a kernel of truth in every one of his stories so they cannot be dismissed.
Neither can he.
He's a person.
A person is more than the tales that they tell.
Yeah, well, right now he's more than just a person.
He's a doctor.
You know they say we doctors have a God complex.
But after seven years of neurosurgery, I say we have a complex God.
Look on the bright side, Spencer, you keep up this losing streak, you'll become completely useless to the department.
I know, we haven't eaten.
Shawn, we are treading on thin ice right now.
Yes, but I'm about to do a double axle into a Salchow and finish with a sweet little camel toe.
You mean camel spin.
I've heard it both ways.
I'm right about the Ryan thing.
No, you are obsessed with this Ryan thing.
And, dude, if your psychic powers disappear, Vick won't need to hire us anymore.
There's no way we can subsist on the private jobs we get.
How many times must we go through this? I am this close to getting on the Pro Bowlers Tour.
I am not doing this.
Okay.
I get it.
We have to make nice with the Chief.
Why do you think I brought along this peace offering? You really think that one container of fries cuatro quesos, dos fritos is going to fix everything? Yes, I do.
The lawyer had two slugs in his chest.
Ballistics is checking the system for matches.
Any trace? Nothing yet.
The lab's going to call the second they find anything.
Oh, not now, gentlemen.
We are in the middle of a homicide investigation.
And don't think I don't know that you've been wasting my detectives' time chasing leads, once again supplied by Ryan Bainsworth.
Chief.
Chief Vick.
Hmm.
Chief Karen Charles Vick.
Here.
Ooh! It's a fries cuatro quesos, dos fritos and apparently doesn't travel well.
The point is we are sorry for making Lassiter and Juliet run around town on wild goose chases.
Shawn's psychic powers have been a tad on the fritz.
The good news is they're back to 100% working order and we are fully available to help on this murder case you are now on.
Even more good news, those taste better than they look.
Yes, they do.
Fine.
Apology accepted.
And my middle name is not Charles.
I took a shot.
I knew it was a C.
Now about this defense attorney's murder case, any victim of an assassination plot? Wow, really? As odd as it sounds, it actually did cross my mind.
So I checked it out and I can say with certainty that he is not the victim of Mr.
Bainsworth's assassination plot.
The coroner puts time of death at four days ago and a recently discovered witness who heard shots at 6:00 that evening confirms it.
Which means the lawyer was killed before Ryan allegedly overheard these men planning a hit.
Our victim would have already been dead at that point.
No need to kill him again.
Unless he was a zombie.
Chief? Yes.
The surveillance video from the backdoor of the garage near the scene of the crime came in, it's corrupted.
There's not much of it.
Hey, are those the fries cuatro quesos? Yes, they are.
They don't travel well.
O'Hara, set it up.
Let's take a look.
Wait, dude, she said the lawyer died four days ago.
Yes.
It's over, Shawn.
Four days ago was Tuesday.
That means the lawyer got killed in a building on Gardner Street on the same day that Lieber got hit by a car on Anapamu.
Not just the same day, the same time, around 6:00 p.
m.
And those streets are only two blocks away.
Ryan, the lawyer, Lieber, they're all connected somehow.
Come on.
Fries.
Sorry to interrupt.
I just got a very strong vibe that you're about to apologize to us.
In what world would we ever apologize to you? Wayne's, maybe Dave's, it's a small Spencer.
I believe this DVD will prove that Ryan and I have been right all along.
No, who's that? O'Hara, rewind that.
No way! That's Tom Lieber.
That's the kid that Bainsworth led us to at the hospital, Chief, and he's running away from where the body was found.
Well, I guess you were right, Mr.
Spencer, Lieber must have killed the lawyer and then got hit by the car as he fled the scene.
Ooh, I don't know, the spirits are a little cloudy on that part, Chief.
I'm sorry for the spirits, but we don't have time for gray areas.
Detectives, I want you to get to that hospital right now.
From what I understand Lieber is regaining his memory and the second he remembers what he did, he could run.
Come on, let's go.
Got it.
She knows she's not going to eat that.
What? I don't think Lieber's the killer.
I saw something on the tape.
Hold on.
There.
Right there.
He stops and looks back over his shoulder.
Why? Because someone is chasing him.
Two creepy someones, to be exact.
Lieber didn't kill the lawyer, but he saw who did.
Ryan's assassins.
They chased him into traffic and they thought that was the end of it.
But then the newspaper reports that he survived, goes into a coma, wakes up with amnesia, the killers think they still have a window.
But today's paper said he's regaining his memory.
So Ryan overheard the real killers plotting to take out Lieber.
We have got to get back to the hospital and tell Lassy and Jules that these guys are coming back to clean up their own mess.
Come on! What was his condition, now, did he seem Yeah, Dawson, I need an APB out on a Thomas Lieber.
He's wanted for questioning in a murder.
Get his picture from the DMV.
Where's Lieber? Gone.
Looks like he's on the lamb.
If he's on a lamb, he won't get far.
Alpaca, different story.
Those things really fly.
You two don't need to be here.
It's not true, Lassy.
Lieber didn't kill the lawyer.
He witnessed Ryan's assassins do the deed and now they've clearly come back to get him.
And I promise I will ask all about your insane little theories once I put them both in jail.
Come on, Gus.
Let's find Tom.
I should have been onto this way earlier.
I can't believe I didn't make the connection.
We don't know that Lieber's dead, Shawn.
Maybe he remembered and left before the killers could find him.
Hey, guys! They're right behind us! They're going to kill us! Drive! Drive! Okay, enough with the seat belts! Just drive! They're right behind us! Where did you learn to drive? All right, now you want to keep this upright.
I'm sorry.
I had to take matters into my own hands.
I snuck Lieber out the ambulance bay and when I saw you guys pull up I knew we could hide in the car.
Incoming! So, wait, you just took him out of the hospital? Well, I had to act quickly.
Tom started to remember everything.
Well, not everything, really.
Yet.
And the killers, the killers were already in the building.
It was like a game of cat and mouse trying to get out of there unseen.
Didn't we just use the elevator? Would you please let me tell the story? He's parking, he's parking, he's parking! Very nice, partner.
Just weaved your way through those obstacles like a ferret on roller skates or Hey, what are you doing? Why are we slowing down? No, no, no.
Gus.
What are you doing? Dude, the killers are right behind us! Nobody's following us, Shawn.
And there never was.
The only thing I know for sure right now is that we are harboring two fugitives.
Okay, Gus, look, I believe Ryan, but I understand why you don't.
I maxed you out in the blind faith department and that's fair so you don't have to believe him.
Just keep believing in me.
Come on, buddy.
That's them! That's them! That's them! That's the guys from the restaurant! It's coming back to me.
They shot that man! Drive! Drive! Hey, Gus, drive! I'm gonna kill you, Shawn! Get down! We got to get out of here! We're sitting ducks! Everybody run! Run, run, run! Go, run! Serpentine! Serpentine! Zigzag! Hide in here! What are you doing? We're never going to make it! Not at a complete stop, we won't! Doctor, this bag is empty.
Is that important? I'll hold them off.
Get him back to the hospital.
Hopefully Lassy and Jules are still there.
Hold them off, how? I don't know.
I'll think of something, I always do! So do I.
Shawn.
Just get him out of here.
He's the one that has to make it.
Then I'm going to kill you, Shawn.
I'll give you every opportunity to do that, buddy.
We accept the terms of your surrender.
Uh, you mean you're surrendering.
Yeah.
We're the ones holding the guns here.
Well You and the 20 or so cops that are waiting in lie around that corner.
Plus, hasn't there been enough bloodshed already? I mean first the lawyer, then Ryan's poor super.
You guys are terrible at cleaning up after yourselves.
Yeah, and you're lying about the backup.
Look into my eyes and tell me if I'm lying.
There's no backup.
They were telling the truth.
Apparently so.
That's a good looking handlebar.
I wonder who his mustache guy is.
Down on the ground, cowboy.
That's better.
Oh, good, you're both here.
Whoa, let me guess, there's a bomb on a bus and if it goes below 50 miles per hour the whole thing's going to explode! No, no, no more lies.
I am quitting cold turkey, turning over a new leaf.
Really? No more Lyin' Ryan.
No.
Just like you said, I am going to be just Ryan.
If you hadn't believed me an innocent person would have ended up dead.
And all because I became a guy who couldn't be taken at his word.
So I just wanted to come here to thank you before I took off.
Well, if it's any consolation, I believed you from the very beginning.
Especially since you recognized I have great hair.
I was talking about him.
You were lying.
It's okay.
I forgive you.
I'm coming around.
So where are you off to? This is unbelievable.
I got tapped to captain a hot air balloon in a multi-state regatta.
I take off tomorrow.
Hot air balloons have captains? Oh, yeah.
Of course they have captains.
Captains, first mates, deck hands, I got really lucky.
It was a friend of a friend of mine, kind of thing.
If you guys ever want a ride, I mean come on, I owe you.
I'll even let you steer the thing, just don't tell anyone, okay? Take care of yourselves.
Man, I am glad he is out of our life.
That's ridiculous.
Hot air balloon? That's crazy though, right? Yeah.
It's not possible.
Do you think he would really let us steer? There's only one way to find out.
You said you weren't going to fall for any more of his stories.
No, I didn't.
Whatever! I knew you were lying.
You're a liar.
Shotgun.
How am I a liar? You can't call shotgun on a hot air balloon, Shawn! In between the lines there's a lot of obscurity I'm not inclined to resign to maturity If it's all right then you're all wrong But why bounce around to the same damn song? You'd rather run when you can't crawl I know, you know That I'm not telling the truth I know, you know They just don't have any proof Embrace the deception Learn how to bend Your worst inhibitions tend to psych you out in the end I know, you know I know, you know