Queen America (2018) s01e02 Episode Script
Ms. Claremore
-Previously on -Why do I have to wear the crown right now? -Miss Claremore, you're a half beat off.
-I'm sorry.
I did not realize that was so unsturdy.
-I know I deserve to win, but, I mean, I could lose.
-In all my years of coaching, I have never believed in a girl like I believe in you.
-How do you feel? -Vicki Ellis.
-But they don't let you near the teens anymore, do they, Rick? I'm gonna get you all glammed up.
-I don't like makeup.
-You have no right to tell me how to raise my kid.
-Maybe it's time that she knew the truth about that story.
-5:55.
You need the bucket? -Mary, no! -I'm not gonna vomit.
-Oh, my lord, that is the saddest thing I've ever seen.
That child is doing her own hair and makeup.
-Oh, you should see her evening wear.
I doubt she can even afford a glam squad.
-That just breaks my heart.
Aren't there charities for things like that? -Hi, ladies.
Hayley, you're glowing.
-I had a great sweat.
-Sweetie.
-Mwah! Think you need a mint, babe.
Your day go OK? -Oh yeah, great.
But never mind.
Tonight's about Hayley.
This is the start of your entire future.
-Hey, Vicki, it's Katie.
Bella's not gonna be able to make it tonight.
She isn't feeling well.
But good luck.
I'm sure you'll win.
You always do.
-Okay.
Let's get her out there.
-Oh! -Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the girls of the Miss Oklahoma Starred and Striped United States Pageant.
They've won from all over the state, vying for the title of your Miss Oklahoma U.
S.
2019.
And now let's meet the ladies who will be competing for Miss Oklahoma U.
S.
-Hi.
I'm Hayley Wilson, representing the city of Tulsa.
My passions include country music and the great outdoors.
My platform is preventing malnutrition in American children.
If I'm crowned Miss Oklahoma, I'll dedicate my year to making sure no child in our state goes hungry.
-Hi.
I'm Samantha Cole, from Claremore.
-Oh, God.
-My interests include bike riding and horses.
-Good lord, I can't -And my platform is sex slavery.
I mean putting an end to sex slavery.
In Oklahoma.
To protect them.
-Sex slavery? Eww! Nobody wants to hear about sex slavery at a pageant.
Stick to trees, honey.
-And number eight in our top ten, who will be competing tonight, Miss Broken Arrow, Cara Brown! -And number nine on our list.
It's Miss Tulsa, Hayley Wilson! -That was the perfect amount of pause.
-And now the final spot.
Drumroll.
-It's Miss Claremore, Samantha Cole! -Now remember, don't forget to breathe and save up for that last note.
-Oh, hi, Hayley.
Congratulations on making the top ten.
I knew you would.
-Thanks.
-Yeah, it's an honor to be in the same group as you.
You're really talented.
Anyway, break a leg tonight.
-Was she trying to mess with us? -If she wasn't, then she's dumber than I thought.
-βͺ Take a little Just a little bit of that βͺ βͺ I'm nobody's baby βͺ -It's time.
-Our third runner-up and winner of a $5,000 scholarship goes to Miss Bixby! -And the second runner-up and winner of a $6,000 scholarship goes to Miss Oklahoma City! -And now, our first runner-up -and winner of a $10,000 scholarship goes to Miss Claremore, Samantha Cole! -That means our new Miss Oklahoma U.
S.
, who will be competing to be the next Miss America Starred and Striped United States, is Hayley Wilson, from Tulsa! -I can't believe it! Thank you so much.
-Excuse me! I'd like to make a toast.
Hayley, come over here.
Now, the battle for Oklahoma is a tough one every year.
And this year was no different.
But we were lucky, because this year I had the honor of working with one of the most dedicated girls I have ever met, and that is this girl standing next to me, Hayley Wilson.
-Hayley, I'm so proud of you.
I truly believe that Oklahoma is the greatest state, in the greatest country in the world.
And I cannot wait to watch you represent all of us at Nationals this year.
And I would like to thank all of you who supported us every step of the way with your donations, kindness, faith and donations.
And I know that when our girl takes the stage in Atlantic City in a couple of months, it will all have been worth it.
I'm thinking we change up the talent routine for Nationals.
I'm worried too many girls will be doing pop songs.
It's been a whole fad this year.
A ballad would be a better bet.
-If we do a sad song, I can give her glitter tears and people will lose their minds.
-I love that.
But subtle.
-Of course.
Always subtle.
Excuse me, ladies.
-Her parents are friendly people.
-Yes, they are.
-They seem like the type that went to all the parent-teacher conferences.
-Hmm.
-Was I as good as her? -No.
You could've been.
If you'd had that kinda focus.
-You know, sometimes I feel like I could be really nice.
Like I get this feeling that I've got something really good I want to say, something really kind.
But there's nobody that deserves to hear it.
-I think you should go to a meeting again soon.
-Why? -Because I can smell the gin on you.
-Well, I can smell potato chips and dairy on you, and we all know what that means.
I gotta go pee.
-Mary.
After about 25, it just makes a girl seem used up.
And I'm sorry, nobody wants used.
So cut it out and start pretending like you're brand new.
For your own sake.
-Thank you.
-Thank you.
-Don't forget to thank the Andersons.
They've donated a fortune.
-I already thanked them twice.
-Oh, good girl.
It's time for me to call it a night, sweetheart.
-Okay.
Hey, let's meet up tomorrow.
I want to start prepping for interview ASAP.
-Me too.
I'm taking you to Nationals and you know what? -What? -We're gonna win.
-Mommy! Oh! I love you so much! -Nigel, it's 7 a.
m.
What is it? She did what? -High drama this morning in the Oklahoma pageant world.
Only a few hours after being crowned Miss Oklahoma, Hayley Wilson was arrested in connection with a drunk driving incident.
Miss Wilson was with her boyfriend when he drove his car through the wall of a Noodle Express restaurant.
No injuries were reported but the police investigation is-- -As president of the board, this puts me in a terrible position.
-Nancy.
Please, hear me out.
Hayley wasn't even the one driving.
We can spin this.
She'll change her platform to be about the dangers of alcohol and peer pressure.
-I'm sorry, Vicki.
-It's a redemption story.
She'll speak at rehab centers.
-Vicki.
-This is a good girl, Nancy, she deserves a second chance.
-Vicki! Our decision's already been made.
Samantha Cole will be the new Miss Oklahoma.
-Are you insane? Samantha Cole won't stand a chance at Nationals.
She'll bring shame on the entire state.
-Like crashing through the side of a Noodle Express? -In five years, Samantha Cole will be working at a Noodle Express.
-We wanted to give you the courtesy of hearing the news from us.
As long as I've been president, you've been a vital member of the Miss Oklahoma community.
You've done a lot for our girls and this incident doesn't change that.
We hope you will continue on to Nationals with our new crown holder.
Samantha is a hard worker.
I know with your guidance, she could do very well.
We can fix this, right? I mean, I won that crown.
They can't just take it back.
-Of course they can take it back.
-They'll have to pry it out of my dead, cold fingers! -And I'm sure they'd be happy to.
Anything's possible now you've brought Noodle Express into the equation.
-Oh, my God! I'm not even gonna get a parade.
-I'm sorry I let you down.
-Me? -Mm-hmm.
-Oh, you didn't just let me down.
You let Nigel down.
Mary.
Your parents.
So many people just pouring support onto you.
Do you know how many girls would kill for that? Most girls have to give their own pep talks, 'cause sure as hell nobody else is giving 'em.
You had it easy, babe.
You should get up every day of your life and thank your lucky stars, because trust me, they are lucky.
You have no idea how much smoother the road is when you've got people lifting you up instead of pulling you down.
Do you? Hmm? No, you don't.
-Wait, wait! Vicki! Wait! -Is it true? Oh my God.
Those Nazis.
-They did exactly what I would've done in their shoes.
-What about Hayley? -Hayley did this to herself.
We become what we choose to become.
Nobody makes our choices for us.
And today, Hayley chose to become a cautionary tale of mediocrity.
-Mrs.
Ellis.
Excuse me.
-It's Ms.
Ellis.
I'm not married.
Rule number one, do your homework.
-Right, sorry, it's just a habit.
-Why? Because every woman over 35 is married? -Um Yeah.
I guess.
-Hmm.
-Wait.
Ms.
Ellis.
Please.
I really am sorry about Hayley.
It's not the way I wanted this to happen.
-You're Miss Claremore.
Your talent is tap dancing.
You should just be grateful it happened any way at all.
-I totally understand how upset you must be.
But I'm gonna be Miss Oklahoma now.
And I know you always coach the winner for Nationals.
I've only got three months to get ready, and I would love to have you as my coach.
I know your fees are pretty high, so I might have to pay you in installments, but I'd swear to pay you every last-- -Stop.
You think you can just buy my dedication? -No.
No, that's not-- -I've waived my fees for plenty of girls if I believed in them.
But that's it: I only coach girls I believe in.
You said I always coach Miss Oklahoma for Nationals, but those girls all had one thing in common: they won.
They didn't get the crown because the real winner got drunk and made an asshat of herself.
And frankly, it takes a lot more than a good thigh gap to do well at Nationals.
I mean, Christ, swimsuit only counts for 15 percent.
Ms.
Ellis I want this more than anything.
Don't we all, babe? -Sorry.
Sorry, this is so embarrassing.
They're about to announce me at the press conference, and I've got mascara everywhere.
-Shh-shh-shh! It's okay.
Let's fix you up.
-Everyone says if Vicki coaches you, you're guaranteed top five at Nationals.
-Vicki's just been dealt a huge blow.
She's upset.
-Honestly, I was happy even being Miss Claremore.
Everyone was a lot nicer.
-The thing about any competition is, nobody ever thinks anyone else deserves to be there.
-I know I wasn't a frontrunner or anything.
My family thinks it's stupid that I'm even doing this.
But I need it.
It's not like I'm gonna get a scholarship in academics.
Trust me.
-Look Everybody's got to use what they've got, whether that's a great mind or a great ass.
Not using it doesn't make you more enlightened, it just makes you poor.
-I mean I know I look good in a swimsuit.
But I'm not dumb enough to think that that's gonna last forever.
The way I see it, in 20 years, I could just be some middle-aged woman who never did anything, never saw anything outside of her hometown, but who people used to think was really hot.
Or I could be a former Miss America U.
S.
This is gonna sound stupid.
I know people think I'm pretty.
I do.
But sometimes I just feel so ugly.
Do you know at all what I mean? -Oh, honey I know completely what you mean.
-Hello? What are you doing here? -I came to see how you were.
-Oh great.
Just basking in hilarity.
And in a couple hours, I've gotta go to the party at Nancy Summer's house, with the whole damn board there.
I need to show face and make sure I don't burn the bridge entirely.
Don't wanna mess things up for our clients next year.
-The bridge will be fine and our clients will be fine.
If there's one thing you know how to do, it's claw your way out from under a pile of shit.
Don't worry, it's a compliment.
I just saw Samantha Cole.
She was upset.
-Some people don't have thick enough skin to handle honesty.
And you know where those people don't belong? Pageants.
-You know the day I knew you'd be my best friend? -The time I let you have sex with me in senior year 'cause you needed to make sure that you were definitely gay? -No.
It was the day the basketball team spray-painted the word "faggot" on my car.
-Ohh! I can't remember that being a peak moment for us.
-You went and smashed in every single one of their cars with a baseball bat.
You drove all the way to the Port of Catoosa to smash up Eric Peterson's car, because he knew you were looking for him and he was too scared to park on campus.
-But you tracked that Chevy down and smeared dog shit on the windows.
I remember thinking, Jesus, this white girl is a genuine product of trailer park breeding.
But I also thought goddamn if this redneck bitch isn't loyal.
Hayley Wilson's had a lot of things handed to her her whole life.
Rich parents, a ruthless metabolism, and a whole lot of stuff you and I never had, so I understand why you were so harsh with her.
But Samantha Cole and the things you said to her that's different.
-What's your point, Nigel? That I'm not a "nice girl"? -Lord no.
You will never be a nice girl.
You got a mean streak wider than the Arkansas River.
You are a junkyard dog.
My point is I know we sometimes get a kick out of putting these bitches in their place, and I truly believe someone has to do that but let's keep it to the bitches, shall we? You're getting too old to be a for no reason.
It's a tired look.
-You're a long way from Claremore.
Congratulations.
-Miss Oklahoma, huh? -Here.
You, um You do it like this.
Mm.
-Oh, uh -Oh.
-I swallow this? -Yeah, you swallow it.
So, you must be a little overwhelmed.
-Yeah.
Yeah, I don't know anybody here.
-Well, you're handling yourself with a lot of grace.
You know, I shouldn't really say this but, uh I wanted you to win.
-Really? -Really.
You're so authentic, not like these other girls who've been coached since they were in preschool.
-Wow! Thank you, Mr.
Bishop.
-Oh, Rick.
Here, here, take this.
-Oh, no, I'm a real lightweight.
I hardly ever drink, except for like Thanksgiving and Christmas, and maybe Halloween, it's like my favorite holiday.
-It's a special occasion.
-Oh, okay.
-Cheers.
-I'm sorry about earlier.
Of course, I will respect your decision.
-I appreciate that.
But you're sure you won't consider coaching Samantha? -That girl just isn't a winner, Nancy.
I'm sorry.
-Sorry.
-Whoa.
-Uh I'm actually really dizzy.
Told you I was a lightweight.
-Don't worry about it.
I know somewhere you can lay down for a minute.
Yeah.
-I'm sorry about this.
-No, don't be silly! Hey, you're our new crown holder.
It's my duty to keep you safe.
-This house is-- Wait.
Uh, isn't this bad? -You don't like it? -No, it's not that.
I mean, you're being really nice to me.
-God, you are so beautiful.
I really want to help you.
-Um, help me how? Oh, man! I don't wanna get in trouble.
-Hey, you're safe with me.
I swear on the lives of my children.
-You have children? -You know what I would love? I would love to feel your hand on my cock.
I'm getting hard just thinking about it.
-Uh -Please? -Excuse me, where's the bathroom? -Over there.
-What if you just put your mouth on it? Just for a second? -I don't wanna be rude or anything But I'm really drunk.
-What the hell do you think you're doing, you kangaroo piece of crap? -Oww! Let go of me, you bitch! -You're the bitch! Bitch! -Oww! Oh my God, did that come from my head? -Do you know how old she is? She's 19.
-I'm 21-- -Shut up.
You're gonna listen to me, you dingo twat.
I do not like how you deal with women.
I do not like it at all.
See that girl? Not only is she clearly intoxicated past the point of consent, she is the crown holder of our pageant.
-Ohh! -Which means as an employee of said pageant, you have a duty not to inflict harm on her.
And guess what that includes? Sexual coercion.
You know what happens now? -What? -You stop showing your dick off to all the contestants like it's a goddamn ice-cream cone.
And you never, ever come within ten feet of my client again.
Now get out of my sight.
And the next time I hear about you pulling a stunt like this, I swear to God I'll shove a lawsuit so far down your throat, your feces will smell like me for years.
I hope you drive your car into a eucalyptus tree and die, you koala ass-clown.
-Did you call me your client? -And you you keep your legs shut and your head on straight from now on.
Because let me tell you something.
This happens one time, he's a sexual predator, he's the bad guy, and everyone wants his dick on a wall.
This happens a second time and you're just a slut from Claremore that nobody wants to hear from.
I'm not saying that's fair, but I am saying that's the way it is.
You understand me? -Yes, ma'am.
But, um you called me your client just now.
-Call an Uber, get home to your parents and sleep with some egg whites under your eyes.
Those circles remind me of a homeless shelter and tomorrow morning we start diction lessons.
Your accent is whack.
And nobody's ever won Miss America U.
S.
sounding like Miss Claremore.
-Thank you, Ms.
Ellis.
I promise I'm not gonna let you down.
It's a pull.
-Christ.
This girl might break me.
The gala will be full of sponsors and we need them.
-You probably don't want to hear it but there is someone who could help.
-What a mess.
It's all anyone can talk about.
-Samantha, this is Katie and Bella.
-Her sister and her niece.
-The last time I saw you, you punched me in my face.
We need to find you a new platform.
Read this tonight.
-What is this? -I have to be able to talk about all these social issues.
-Samantha, would you like to join me up here to say a few words?
-I'm sorry.
I did not realize that was so unsturdy.
-I know I deserve to win, but, I mean, I could lose.
-In all my years of coaching, I have never believed in a girl like I believe in you.
-How do you feel? -Vicki Ellis.
-But they don't let you near the teens anymore, do they, Rick? I'm gonna get you all glammed up.
-I don't like makeup.
-You have no right to tell me how to raise my kid.
-Maybe it's time that she knew the truth about that story.
-5:55.
You need the bucket? -Mary, no! -I'm not gonna vomit.
-Oh, my lord, that is the saddest thing I've ever seen.
That child is doing her own hair and makeup.
-Oh, you should see her evening wear.
I doubt she can even afford a glam squad.
-That just breaks my heart.
Aren't there charities for things like that? -Hi, ladies.
Hayley, you're glowing.
-I had a great sweat.
-Sweetie.
-Mwah! Think you need a mint, babe.
Your day go OK? -Oh yeah, great.
But never mind.
Tonight's about Hayley.
This is the start of your entire future.
-Hey, Vicki, it's Katie.
Bella's not gonna be able to make it tonight.
She isn't feeling well.
But good luck.
I'm sure you'll win.
You always do.
-Okay.
Let's get her out there.
-Oh! -Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the girls of the Miss Oklahoma Starred and Striped United States Pageant.
They've won from all over the state, vying for the title of your Miss Oklahoma U.
S.
2019.
And now let's meet the ladies who will be competing for Miss Oklahoma U.
S.
-Hi.
I'm Hayley Wilson, representing the city of Tulsa.
My passions include country music and the great outdoors.
My platform is preventing malnutrition in American children.
If I'm crowned Miss Oklahoma, I'll dedicate my year to making sure no child in our state goes hungry.
-Hi.
I'm Samantha Cole, from Claremore.
-Oh, God.
-My interests include bike riding and horses.
-Good lord, I can't -And my platform is sex slavery.
I mean putting an end to sex slavery.
In Oklahoma.
To protect them.
-Sex slavery? Eww! Nobody wants to hear about sex slavery at a pageant.
Stick to trees, honey.
-And number eight in our top ten, who will be competing tonight, Miss Broken Arrow, Cara Brown! -And number nine on our list.
It's Miss Tulsa, Hayley Wilson! -That was the perfect amount of pause.
-And now the final spot.
Drumroll.
-It's Miss Claremore, Samantha Cole! -Now remember, don't forget to breathe and save up for that last note.
-Oh, hi, Hayley.
Congratulations on making the top ten.
I knew you would.
-Thanks.
-Yeah, it's an honor to be in the same group as you.
You're really talented.
Anyway, break a leg tonight.
-Was she trying to mess with us? -If she wasn't, then she's dumber than I thought.
-βͺ Take a little Just a little bit of that βͺ βͺ I'm nobody's baby βͺ -It's time.
-Our third runner-up and winner of a $5,000 scholarship goes to Miss Bixby! -And the second runner-up and winner of a $6,000 scholarship goes to Miss Oklahoma City! -And now, our first runner-up -and winner of a $10,000 scholarship goes to Miss Claremore, Samantha Cole! -That means our new Miss Oklahoma U.
S.
, who will be competing to be the next Miss America Starred and Striped United States, is Hayley Wilson, from Tulsa! -I can't believe it! Thank you so much.
-Excuse me! I'd like to make a toast.
Hayley, come over here.
Now, the battle for Oklahoma is a tough one every year.
And this year was no different.
But we were lucky, because this year I had the honor of working with one of the most dedicated girls I have ever met, and that is this girl standing next to me, Hayley Wilson.
-Hayley, I'm so proud of you.
I truly believe that Oklahoma is the greatest state, in the greatest country in the world.
And I cannot wait to watch you represent all of us at Nationals this year.
And I would like to thank all of you who supported us every step of the way with your donations, kindness, faith and donations.
And I know that when our girl takes the stage in Atlantic City in a couple of months, it will all have been worth it.
I'm thinking we change up the talent routine for Nationals.
I'm worried too many girls will be doing pop songs.
It's been a whole fad this year.
A ballad would be a better bet.
-If we do a sad song, I can give her glitter tears and people will lose their minds.
-I love that.
But subtle.
-Of course.
Always subtle.
Excuse me, ladies.
-Her parents are friendly people.
-Yes, they are.
-They seem like the type that went to all the parent-teacher conferences.
-Hmm.
-Was I as good as her? -No.
You could've been.
If you'd had that kinda focus.
-You know, sometimes I feel like I could be really nice.
Like I get this feeling that I've got something really good I want to say, something really kind.
But there's nobody that deserves to hear it.
-I think you should go to a meeting again soon.
-Why? -Because I can smell the gin on you.
-Well, I can smell potato chips and dairy on you, and we all know what that means.
I gotta go pee.
-Mary.
After about 25, it just makes a girl seem used up.
And I'm sorry, nobody wants used.
So cut it out and start pretending like you're brand new.
For your own sake.
-Thank you.
-Thank you.
-Don't forget to thank the Andersons.
They've donated a fortune.
-I already thanked them twice.
-Oh, good girl.
It's time for me to call it a night, sweetheart.
-Okay.
Hey, let's meet up tomorrow.
I want to start prepping for interview ASAP.
-Me too.
I'm taking you to Nationals and you know what? -What? -We're gonna win.
-Mommy! Oh! I love you so much! -Nigel, it's 7 a.
m.
What is it? She did what? -High drama this morning in the Oklahoma pageant world.
Only a few hours after being crowned Miss Oklahoma, Hayley Wilson was arrested in connection with a drunk driving incident.
Miss Wilson was with her boyfriend when he drove his car through the wall of a Noodle Express restaurant.
No injuries were reported but the police investigation is-- -As president of the board, this puts me in a terrible position.
-Nancy.
Please, hear me out.
Hayley wasn't even the one driving.
We can spin this.
She'll change her platform to be about the dangers of alcohol and peer pressure.
-I'm sorry, Vicki.
-It's a redemption story.
She'll speak at rehab centers.
-Vicki.
-This is a good girl, Nancy, she deserves a second chance.
-Vicki! Our decision's already been made.
Samantha Cole will be the new Miss Oklahoma.
-Are you insane? Samantha Cole won't stand a chance at Nationals.
She'll bring shame on the entire state.
-Like crashing through the side of a Noodle Express? -In five years, Samantha Cole will be working at a Noodle Express.
-We wanted to give you the courtesy of hearing the news from us.
As long as I've been president, you've been a vital member of the Miss Oklahoma community.
You've done a lot for our girls and this incident doesn't change that.
We hope you will continue on to Nationals with our new crown holder.
Samantha is a hard worker.
I know with your guidance, she could do very well.
We can fix this, right? I mean, I won that crown.
They can't just take it back.
-Of course they can take it back.
-They'll have to pry it out of my dead, cold fingers! -And I'm sure they'd be happy to.
Anything's possible now you've brought Noodle Express into the equation.
-Oh, my God! I'm not even gonna get a parade.
-I'm sorry I let you down.
-Me? -Mm-hmm.
-Oh, you didn't just let me down.
You let Nigel down.
Mary.
Your parents.
So many people just pouring support onto you.
Do you know how many girls would kill for that? Most girls have to give their own pep talks, 'cause sure as hell nobody else is giving 'em.
You had it easy, babe.
You should get up every day of your life and thank your lucky stars, because trust me, they are lucky.
You have no idea how much smoother the road is when you've got people lifting you up instead of pulling you down.
Do you? Hmm? No, you don't.
-Wait, wait! Vicki! Wait! -Is it true? Oh my God.
Those Nazis.
-They did exactly what I would've done in their shoes.
-What about Hayley? -Hayley did this to herself.
We become what we choose to become.
Nobody makes our choices for us.
And today, Hayley chose to become a cautionary tale of mediocrity.
-Mrs.
Ellis.
Excuse me.
-It's Ms.
Ellis.
I'm not married.
Rule number one, do your homework.
-Right, sorry, it's just a habit.
-Why? Because every woman over 35 is married? -Um Yeah.
I guess.
-Hmm.
-Wait.
Ms.
Ellis.
Please.
I really am sorry about Hayley.
It's not the way I wanted this to happen.
-You're Miss Claremore.
Your talent is tap dancing.
You should just be grateful it happened any way at all.
-I totally understand how upset you must be.
But I'm gonna be Miss Oklahoma now.
And I know you always coach the winner for Nationals.
I've only got three months to get ready, and I would love to have you as my coach.
I know your fees are pretty high, so I might have to pay you in installments, but I'd swear to pay you every last-- -Stop.
You think you can just buy my dedication? -No.
No, that's not-- -I've waived my fees for plenty of girls if I believed in them.
But that's it: I only coach girls I believe in.
You said I always coach Miss Oklahoma for Nationals, but those girls all had one thing in common: they won.
They didn't get the crown because the real winner got drunk and made an asshat of herself.
And frankly, it takes a lot more than a good thigh gap to do well at Nationals.
I mean, Christ, swimsuit only counts for 15 percent.
Ms.
Ellis I want this more than anything.
Don't we all, babe? -Sorry.
Sorry, this is so embarrassing.
They're about to announce me at the press conference, and I've got mascara everywhere.
-Shh-shh-shh! It's okay.
Let's fix you up.
-Everyone says if Vicki coaches you, you're guaranteed top five at Nationals.
-Vicki's just been dealt a huge blow.
She's upset.
-Honestly, I was happy even being Miss Claremore.
Everyone was a lot nicer.
-The thing about any competition is, nobody ever thinks anyone else deserves to be there.
-I know I wasn't a frontrunner or anything.
My family thinks it's stupid that I'm even doing this.
But I need it.
It's not like I'm gonna get a scholarship in academics.
Trust me.
-Look Everybody's got to use what they've got, whether that's a great mind or a great ass.
Not using it doesn't make you more enlightened, it just makes you poor.
-I mean I know I look good in a swimsuit.
But I'm not dumb enough to think that that's gonna last forever.
The way I see it, in 20 years, I could just be some middle-aged woman who never did anything, never saw anything outside of her hometown, but who people used to think was really hot.
Or I could be a former Miss America U.
S.
This is gonna sound stupid.
I know people think I'm pretty.
I do.
But sometimes I just feel so ugly.
Do you know at all what I mean? -Oh, honey I know completely what you mean.
-Hello? What are you doing here? -I came to see how you were.
-Oh great.
Just basking in hilarity.
And in a couple hours, I've gotta go to the party at Nancy Summer's house, with the whole damn board there.
I need to show face and make sure I don't burn the bridge entirely.
Don't wanna mess things up for our clients next year.
-The bridge will be fine and our clients will be fine.
If there's one thing you know how to do, it's claw your way out from under a pile of shit.
Don't worry, it's a compliment.
I just saw Samantha Cole.
She was upset.
-Some people don't have thick enough skin to handle honesty.
And you know where those people don't belong? Pageants.
-You know the day I knew you'd be my best friend? -The time I let you have sex with me in senior year 'cause you needed to make sure that you were definitely gay? -No.
It was the day the basketball team spray-painted the word "faggot" on my car.
-Ohh! I can't remember that being a peak moment for us.
-You went and smashed in every single one of their cars with a baseball bat.
You drove all the way to the Port of Catoosa to smash up Eric Peterson's car, because he knew you were looking for him and he was too scared to park on campus.
-But you tracked that Chevy down and smeared dog shit on the windows.
I remember thinking, Jesus, this white girl is a genuine product of trailer park breeding.
But I also thought goddamn if this redneck bitch isn't loyal.
Hayley Wilson's had a lot of things handed to her her whole life.
Rich parents, a ruthless metabolism, and a whole lot of stuff you and I never had, so I understand why you were so harsh with her.
But Samantha Cole and the things you said to her that's different.
-What's your point, Nigel? That I'm not a "nice girl"? -Lord no.
You will never be a nice girl.
You got a mean streak wider than the Arkansas River.
You are a junkyard dog.
My point is I know we sometimes get a kick out of putting these bitches in their place, and I truly believe someone has to do that but let's keep it to the bitches, shall we? You're getting too old to be a for no reason.
It's a tired look.
-You're a long way from Claremore.
Congratulations.
-Miss Oklahoma, huh? -Here.
You, um You do it like this.
Mm.
-Oh, uh -Oh.
-I swallow this? -Yeah, you swallow it.
So, you must be a little overwhelmed.
-Yeah.
Yeah, I don't know anybody here.
-Well, you're handling yourself with a lot of grace.
You know, I shouldn't really say this but, uh I wanted you to win.
-Really? -Really.
You're so authentic, not like these other girls who've been coached since they were in preschool.
-Wow! Thank you, Mr.
Bishop.
-Oh, Rick.
Here, here, take this.
-Oh, no, I'm a real lightweight.
I hardly ever drink, except for like Thanksgiving and Christmas, and maybe Halloween, it's like my favorite holiday.
-It's a special occasion.
-Oh, okay.
-Cheers.
-I'm sorry about earlier.
Of course, I will respect your decision.
-I appreciate that.
But you're sure you won't consider coaching Samantha? -That girl just isn't a winner, Nancy.
I'm sorry.
-Sorry.
-Whoa.
-Uh I'm actually really dizzy.
Told you I was a lightweight.
-Don't worry about it.
I know somewhere you can lay down for a minute.
Yeah.
-I'm sorry about this.
-No, don't be silly! Hey, you're our new crown holder.
It's my duty to keep you safe.
-This house is-- Wait.
Uh, isn't this bad? -You don't like it? -No, it's not that.
I mean, you're being really nice to me.
-God, you are so beautiful.
I really want to help you.
-Um, help me how? Oh, man! I don't wanna get in trouble.
-Hey, you're safe with me.
I swear on the lives of my children.
-You have children? -You know what I would love? I would love to feel your hand on my cock.
I'm getting hard just thinking about it.
-Uh -Please? -Excuse me, where's the bathroom? -Over there.
-What if you just put your mouth on it? Just for a second? -I don't wanna be rude or anything But I'm really drunk.
-What the hell do you think you're doing, you kangaroo piece of crap? -Oww! Let go of me, you bitch! -You're the bitch! Bitch! -Oww! Oh my God, did that come from my head? -Do you know how old she is? She's 19.
-I'm 21-- -Shut up.
You're gonna listen to me, you dingo twat.
I do not like how you deal with women.
I do not like it at all.
See that girl? Not only is she clearly intoxicated past the point of consent, she is the crown holder of our pageant.
-Ohh! -Which means as an employee of said pageant, you have a duty not to inflict harm on her.
And guess what that includes? Sexual coercion.
You know what happens now? -What? -You stop showing your dick off to all the contestants like it's a goddamn ice-cream cone.
And you never, ever come within ten feet of my client again.
Now get out of my sight.
And the next time I hear about you pulling a stunt like this, I swear to God I'll shove a lawsuit so far down your throat, your feces will smell like me for years.
I hope you drive your car into a eucalyptus tree and die, you koala ass-clown.
-Did you call me your client? -And you you keep your legs shut and your head on straight from now on.
Because let me tell you something.
This happens one time, he's a sexual predator, he's the bad guy, and everyone wants his dick on a wall.
This happens a second time and you're just a slut from Claremore that nobody wants to hear from.
I'm not saying that's fair, but I am saying that's the way it is.
You understand me? -Yes, ma'am.
But, um you called me your client just now.
-Call an Uber, get home to your parents and sleep with some egg whites under your eyes.
Those circles remind me of a homeless shelter and tomorrow morning we start diction lessons.
Your accent is whack.
And nobody's ever won Miss America U.
S.
sounding like Miss Claremore.
-Thank you, Ms.
Ellis.
I promise I'm not gonna let you down.
It's a pull.
-Christ.
This girl might break me.
The gala will be full of sponsors and we need them.
-You probably don't want to hear it but there is someone who could help.
-What a mess.
It's all anyone can talk about.
-Samantha, this is Katie and Bella.
-Her sister and her niece.
-The last time I saw you, you punched me in my face.
We need to find you a new platform.
Read this tonight.
-What is this? -I have to be able to talk about all these social issues.
-Samantha, would you like to join me up here to say a few words?