Remington Steele (1982) s02e14 Episode Script

Blood is Thicker Than Steele

You have three futures in your hands- mine, my children's and the future of a government investigation.
- [Siren Wailing] - How many years do you get for stealing city property? I think they figure it by weight.
I'm gonna have my daddy ruin you! You didn't take this job to see how you function with children.
You took it to see how I function! Why don't we ditch what's his name and go spend a week on my yacht? All anyone has to do is shoot out the tires, and we'd be helpless.
[Gunshots, Tires Screeching] - Oh.
- [Horn Honking] - Ahh.
- Good night, Mildred.
- Good night.
- Good night, my love.
Good night, Mildred.
- See you tomorrow.
- See you tomorrow.
- Ooh, ooh! - [Tires Squealing] You crazy- [Screams] [Screaming] Help.
! Help.
! [Tires Squealing] - [Steele] This way? - This way.
- Shortcut? - Shortcut.
There are certain advantages to growing up in Los Angeles.
[Screeching] - There they are! - Who are they? What do they want with Mildred? [Tires Screeching] When my boss gets his hands on you you'll be sorry.
- Wired? - Has to be.
- Service entrance? - If they have any class.
[Alarm Blaring] - [Alarm Continues] - Ah, ha, ha.
Oh, boy.
Now you're really in trouble.
[Scoffs] They're in trouble.
This is kidnapping.
Fifteen years, that's what you'll get.
Twenty years, maybe.
Oh- They've got crowded cells, starchy food- You know something? You remind me of my mother.
- Oh, good.
- Yeah.
I hate her.
[Muffled Shouting] - [Alarm Continues] - [Groans] - Can't win 'em all.
- Amateurs.
Come on in, baby.
[Groans] Yes, baby, do come in.
Now then- We're looking for a Miss Krebs- Mildred Krebs.
You certainly live up to your reputation, Mr.
- I beg your pardon? - I heard you were the best- and I had to be sure.
Are you telling us this was some kind of test? A very critical one from my point of view.
[Steele] We don't audition, Mr.
, uh- Gallen, if I'm not mistaken.
Walter Gallen.
One of our country's more famous expatriates.
You're much too generous, Miss Holt.
I thought you were living among the sheltering palms.
I have been, but the government has asked me to testify about my old associates at the Greykirk Corporation.
If I do, then they'll let me, uh well, come home.
- What do you want with us? - Well, actually- Are you sure that you won't join me in a drink, Mr.
Steele? - Miss Holt? - We don't drink without Miss Krebs.
Forgive me.
My manners have gotten rather rusty in the tropics.
If we could dispense with the amenities I have two children living in this house and they mean the world to me.
You do not get to be as powerful as the Greykirk Corporation playing by the rules.
You're afraid if the Greykirk Corporation hears you're going to testify, they'll try to grab the children - to stop you.
- Exactly.
Up until now, the children have been safe.
My being here has changed that, and I will not agree to testify unless I know that Chris and Angel are in safe hands.
Now, all you have to do is take them on a little trip.
- How little? - Mr.
Steele adores children.
I've been asked to testify day after tomorrow- federal court in Phoenix.
Now, you deliver Chris and Angel to me after the hearing safe and sound, and I'm going to put you in a brand new tax bracket.
Won't the government provide your family with protection? The Greykirk Corporation reaches very high into the government.
You have three futures in your hands- mine, my children's and the future of a government investigation.
Quite a salesman.
The best.
- I should have stuck to it.
- [Door Opens] - [Mildred] Mr.
! - Mildred! - [Steele] Ah, Mildred.
- Are you all right? Well, I've felt better.
Yes, well, it was only a test, Mildred.
- A test? - Mm-hmm.
To see how resourceful we are.
You kidnapped me to test them? Oh, that's brilliant.
I mean, brilliant.
[Chuckles] I'm a lousy sport.
Do you think you might have gone at this a bit too enthusiastically? The girls in Four East.
Who? The girls I went through college with.
One's a neurosurgeon.
One's a television executive.
One's even got a seat on the stock exchange.
And they're all raising families.
I don't even have goldfish.
So you're planning on getting your feet wet - looking after the Gallen children, eh? - Damp.
Oh, the quandary of the independent woman- "What am I missing, and who am I missing it with?" Time is passing- pleasantly enough, but it's passing.
Why do I have this neurotic impulse to apologize for that? I don't know.
You're certainly not suggesting that I'm suggesting that you should? Oh, no, no, no.
How could I possibly suggest a suggestion like that? - I hope this suits your needs, sir.
- It'll be fine.
We've had the telephones installed just the way you requested.
- What's your name again? - Mrs.
Thank you, Mrs.
[Sighs] Senator Collier, please.
Steven Cole, Greykirk Corporation.
Senator Collier? Yeah, Cole here.
How are things in Washington, sir? [Chuckling] Yes, I know.
Those committee meetings can be tedious.
Senator, I have some news I've been asked to pass along.
Walter Gallen's back in the country again.
He slipped in two days ago- with the aid of theJustice Department.
No, don't worry, sir.
This conversation is perfectly safe.
Well, a tap will only pick up an irritating electronic whine.
[Chuckles] I'm instructed to assure you, sir- and these are the chairman's precise words- the reappearance of Walter Gallen will actually help both you and Greykirk.
[Chuckles] Well, we believe there's an area in which Mr.
Gallen is vulnerable to persuasion.
I'll miss you more than you'll miss me.
There's not a chance.
Then can I have some pocket money? Of course you can.
There you are.
Okay? I love you, Daddy.
How deep are her pockets? My bags are in the house.
Won't they be lonely without you? This is my secretary, Shelby Haines.
When will you be bringing the children back? I haven't decided yet, Shelby.
I'm Chris.
I'm Laura Holt.
Nice to meet you.
Real nice.
This is Mr.
- Hello.
- Likewise, I'm sure.
Uh- - Have a good trip.
- Oh.
- And a safe one.
- Ah.
[Chuckles] Our hallmark.
There we go.
Nice to meet you.
- Where will you be if I need to reach you? - You won't need to reach me.
The children go away suddenly.
You go away.
- Don't you trust me anymore? - Of course I trust you.
There was a time when you wouldn't have excluded me.
I'll always be grateful to you.
- For looking after the kids? - For everything.
Well, I'm grateful to you for your gratitude, Mr.
##[Carnival Music] ##[Carnival Music] [Man On P.
] Number 13 to the center ring.
[Chattering] - The Grand Canyon? - Boring.
An Indian reservation? Arizona's full of them.
[Whoops] Boring.
Your father hired us to take you on a cultural odyssey.
Steele Tours lives by its word.
[Man On P.
] Number 15, center ring.
Why don't we just get a motel room and party? We are partying.
- This? This is kid stuff.
- You're kids.
[Man On P.
] Number 18 in the center ring.
Our gourmet lunch.
Excuse me, sir.
She belongs to me.
[Groans] Hey! Hey, get off me! Ow.
! Hey.
! Leave me alone.
! Leave me alone.
! [Grunts] Next round's on me.
[Screams] Come along, young man.
So much to see, so much to do.
I wonder who those clowns were.
You know circus people- anything for excitement.
- The "A" tour, Mr.
Steele? - What's the "A" tour? There's an added attraction.
We steal a bus.
- [Laura] Boring? - Neat! I knew there was a way to these kids.
I tell ya, honey, it's no easy job- Fighting traffic, dealing with the public.
Some days I'd just like to- Hey! What a nation! Come back! Come back with my bus! You thief.
Sorry folks.
You're no tour guide.
A girl with your looks doesn't have to work this hard.
[Laughs] There are times when I tell myself the same thing.
Why don't we ditch what's his name and go spend a week on my yacht? - Your yacht? - It'll be mine when I'm 16.
I see.
Like a boy's first jalopy.
We'll have a ball.
You know what I mean? I'm very flattered, Chris, but I'm afraid I have to decline.
How about I throw in a diamond bracelet? Quite a throw-in.
Every woman has her price.
[Siren Wailing] Uh-oh.
How many years do you get for stealing city property? - I think they figure it by weight.
- Oh.
Hang a right at the next corner.
Oh, yeah? What good will that do? A lot, if I know where we are.
[Laura] Pull over here.
[Steele] I'll go ditch the bus.
Why do we have to get off? - So you can go to the bathroom.
- I don't have to go.
You should have to.
[Siren Wailing] [Tires Screeching, Sirens Wailing] [Man Over Megaphone] This is the police.
! Come out with your hands raised.
! Come out with your hands raised.
! Now, now.
You don't want to do anything like that.
You don't want to hurt anyone.
I understand why you hijacked the bus, General Washington.
The Delaware's frozen.
These things happen.
- Is he loony? - Yeah.
- Armed? - Yeah.
- You've got guts.
- Well- - But get back.
Back, back, back.
- Okay.
General? I want to talk to you- calmly, reasonably.
Get the SWAT team.
- Mildred's bringing new wheels.
- Here? An old college friend of mine lives in this neighborhood.
- One of the girls from Four East? - The leader, Barbara Frick- a Child Psychology major.
- I shall sit at her feet.
Come on.
- Not if I get there first.
I must say, Laura, I never thought I'd see the day when you'd bring two kids to the house- - even somebody else's.
- [Laura] Thank you, Barb.
Actually, Laura's wonderful with children.
Of course, Laura's wonderful with everyone.
So, uh, so tolerant.
- Sugar? - Two lumps, yes.
[Mouths Words] [Chris] Angel.
! - He hit me! - She hit me first.
- He raised his voice.
- She took my sandwich.
- I was hungry.
- Be wonderful.
- Chris! - Angel, now just- - May I? - Oh.
Angel, I hear you.
Chris, I hear you.
You feel invaded, violated.
You feel there's no justice in the world but believe me, I hear you.
- I'm sorry.
- I was bad bad.
- How did you manage that? - Well, it's difficult to explain to, uh, civilians.
You see, children are very complex.
You develop a third ear.
You see, Angel didn't really want that sandwich and Chris didn't really want justice.
They just wanted to be heard.
Well, if you were a mother, you'd understand.
[Chuckles] You ought to write a book about it, Barbs.
What I know, I share.
[Tires Squealing] Oh! Oh.
How do you feel about sharing your front lawn? You expect me to travel in that, with the bad seed? It's self-contained, mobile.
We won't be exposing them to strangers.
[Doorbell Rings] [Mildred] Oh, hi.
I'm Mildred Krebs.
I'm sorry, but I owe you about three flats of petunias.
I brought you fresh clothes, and I've got them in the R.
That's terrific, Mildred.
Oh, boss, you are gonna have a blast with that tiger.
It's so cozy and convenient.
Yes, everyone within swatting distance.
We better get moving before those clowns show up for a second show.
Chris? Angel? We're leaving.
Where's Chris? - Chris? - Chris? [Laura] Where are you? - Chris? - Chris? Chris? Chris? Chris! - Chris! Chris? - Chris! My God, how did they get him? - Well, let's not jump to depressing conclusions.
- Chris! Chris! Chris! - Chris? - Chris! [Knocking] That wasn't funny, love.
Right step, Mildred.
- I can't, boss.
- You pull a stunt like that again you won't sit down till you retire.
- Boss, you're a role model! - What? You threatened me.
I'm gonna have my daddy ruin you! Angel, I hear you.
Frick, Angel went through that "I hear you" routine three psychiatrists back.
- Angel, I'm counting to two.
- Let her cool down.
Let her cool down? I'm the one that's boiling.
She's a child.
You're an adult.
Thank you for that startling bit of information.
- What's that supposed to mean? - Be my guest.
All right, obviously the child in you is a bit overwhelmed by the child in her.
If the child in you takes one more shot at the child in me- Actually, they're really very close.
You didn't take this job to see how you function with children.
You took it to see how I function! Why would I possibly care? I don't want to go to Arizona.
And I certainly don't want to go by some tacky old trailer.
You come pick me up.
I can't do that, sweetheart.
Look, I tell you what.
Why don't you call me whenever you can and tell me how it's going? Will you do that? Good girl.
- Who was that? - Oh- - No one important.
- Gallen? One of the kids? I'd tell you.
Would you, Miss Haines? It's a little late for you to have second thoughts.
We're not gonna hurt them.
They're in a trailer heading for Arizona.
Thank you, Miss Haines.
I'll take over for a while if you like.
No, no, no, no.
It's all right.
- Are you sure? - Oh, yes.
Love it.
Open road, crisp, clean smell of gas fumes- [Sniffs] Naugahyde.
- Is there anything you want to talk about? - Such as? I don't know.
Not that I can think of.
- Ah, Chris, old buddy.
- Hello, Chris.
- Anything I can do for you? - Anything I can do? Fighting, huh? My parents always tried to make time with me when they were fighting.
- We're not really fighting.
- Yes, we are.
- [Sighs] Where's Angel? - [Chris] Sleeping.
Exhausted from her labors, no doubt.
You've gotta try to understand Angel.
She's had a rough time.
She was only a baby when Mom took off.
- Took off? - Yeah.
Mom met this guy from Europe.
When he went home, she sort of went with him.
They live on a beach somewhere- Spain or Portugal.
I don't know.
Angel was only five when it happened.
- [Steele] You? - I was older.
- Nine? - Ten.
I was 16 when my father left.
It hurt a lot.
- You're a girl.
- I see.
That's different.
Actually, I'm kind of grateful to Mom.
The whole thing has made me, you know, kind of hip.
- Oh, grew up fast, did we? - Boy, did I.
Tell me something straight.
You supposed to protect Angel and me? It's okay.
Dad always thinks he's fooling me, so I let him think so.
I've had more cousins with big shoulders and bulges in their jackets- Mr.
Steele and I are private investigators.
Dad up to something? - Dangerous? - Not if everything goes the way it's supposed to.
Just don't tell Angel, huh? She's just a kid.
Mobile operator? I want New York City, area code 212.
[Ringing] - Cole.
- Simpson.
I just picked 'em up crossing into Arizona.
- You know what to do.
- I got a car waiting.
Be advised, this is no ordinary operation.
Gallen's engaged the Remington Steele Agency and they come equipped with a formidable reputation.
[Ringing] I suggest it would be best for all concerned if no one was left to comment on the children's disappearance.
Yes, Senator, I am aware of the rumors bouncing around Washington.
But as I told you earlier, we're in complete control of the situation.
I don't think that's something you need to know.
We're not interested in keeping Gallen from testifying.
That would only prolong the agony.
We want him to blow the government's case out of the water- put an end to it once and for all.
Yes, Senator.
I think we know how to accomplish that.
Now, why don't you go back to your ethics committee meeting and let us tend to business, huh? A car just pulled onto the road behind us.
Wonderfully nondescript, isn't it? Why don't they pass us? Perhaps they're sightseers out for a leisurely drive.
[Scoffs] This assignment's turning me into a raging paranoiac.
Let's face it.
We are rather vulnerable in this bouncing billet.
All anyone has to do is shoot out the tires, and we'd be helpless.
You know, when John Ford was directing Stagecoach someone asked him, "Why don't the Indians shoot the horses?" And he replied, "Because then we wouldn't have a movie.
" [Gunshots] - Somebody didn't see the movie.
- Stay down, children-way down.
You know, one thing I've noticed about R.
's- they don't have any pick-up.
Try a little bump and run.
[Gunshots, Tires Squealing] Oh- - How long can we keep this up? - It's only 200 more miles to Phoenix.
- [Gunshots] - Oh.
- [Horn Honking] - Don't overtax your courage, Laura.
[Horn Honking, Tires Squealing] I hope they were wearing their seat belts.
Excellent piece of driving, Miss Holt.
Laura? I suddenly have this overwhelming urge to lie low for a while.
Relax a bit.
You're beginning to lose circulation.
Come on.
Keep your hands on the wheel, please.
Try it.
How can you know unless you try it? This is a sewage line, Laura, not a cologne tester.
Some tour guide.
Can't even fix the potty.
"Tighten hose firmly to tank.
Do not force.
Turn lever after hose is secure.
" Oops.
I wouldn't do that yet.
- [Chuckling] - [Muttering] - Ah! Ha, ha.
- [Laughing] I'm eternally grateful to you, madam.
You wouldn't happen to be a plumber by trade, eh? Oh, no.
Just an old R.
Your first time? Most likely our last.
- No, you get used to it.
- Not if I can help it.
I'm Bonnie Niemeyer.
This is my husband, Bo.
- Howdy.
- How are you? Fine-looking kids you've got here.
Bo, they're too young to have kids that age.
We had our kids young- all six of them.
Oh, six, eh? You know what I bet these youngsters would like? Oh, I know what you're thinking.
My Bonnie's the best baker in these parts.
She just made a couple of pies that I just want to plow into.
Key lime.
Key lime? That's my favorite! Awfully close to dinner.
I want pie! - Listen to Cousin Laura.
- She's not our cousin.
[Laughing] Amazing how they disown you, eh? You come over after dinner, okay? I'll save you a nice big piece.
- Bye.
- Bye-bye, now.
Thank you very much.
- Bye.
- Bye-bye.
How do you read the Niemeyers? Angel's favorite pie? Well, could be coincidence.
Key lime? Rather esoteric for a trailer camp.
Rather esoteric for a nine-year-old.
If the Niemeyers are working for Greykirk Corporation how did they find us? I don't know, but we'd better figure out a way - to keep Angel away from that pie.
- Oh, really? How? - She's only a child.
- Are you sure about that? This isn't our most demanding assignment.
I don't remember one where we bickered quite so much as this.
- And what does that tell you? - What's it's supposed to tell you? If all goes well, we'll be off this case tomorrow.
[Laughs] But imagine yourself as a full-time father.
It takes two to bicker, Laura, a daddy bickerer and a mommy bickerer.
I haven't lost my temper.
Ho, ho, ho.
Are you telling me those kids haven't gotten to you? Who are you trying to fool with all those treacly tones and those kind of frozen smiles? - Ask them.
- "Treacly tones"? "Frozen smiles"? I'm not competing with you.
You're competing with me.
Ask them.
- Ask them what? - I don't know.
It was your idea.
Oh, my God.
I just got the most awful feeling.
- And it's all your fault.
- What feeling? What's my fault? Suddenly, I want my mother.
A bit more, Angel, eh? Her fourth helping? - Fifth.
- Who counts fudge ripple, eh? Are you bribing me? Uh, more or less.
- I'm going to bed.
- Okay.
Good night.
Sleep tight, sweetheart.
Well, I'm going to get some fresh air.
- Righty-ho.
- Righty-ho.
- Question.
- Please.
- You do pretty well with women, huh? - Hard to say.
'Course, you were pretty impressive today.
- At least with those clowns anyway.
- Oh, thank you.
I guess women like heroes, huh? [Laughs] Hard to say.
What line do you use? Line? Oh, yes.
With the ladies.
Well, the best line, I've always found is, uh, no line at all.
In my limited experience, that is.
How old were you, the first time? Just curious.
The first time? What, 18? Seventeen? - Just curious.
Younger? - Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Well, how old were you? Actually, Chris, uh, it was such a personal experience that we promised never to talk about it.
Very- [Sighs] Well, I hope you've dulled Angel's passion for key lime pie.
Oh, I expect we have.
[Clears Throat] She's, uh, not completely impossible, once you get used to her.
You can say that about a lot of people.
[Chuckles] I assume your vagueness is intentional.
Oh- I don't know what's gotten into me on this case.
Frankly- [Laughs] - I blame it all on theJohannsens.
- Oh? They lived next door to us when I was a teenager.
They were the perfect family.
They lived in a house with a white picket fence around it.
Clean white.
They never argued with each other.
They never complained about each other.
They never even raised their voices.
How long before the mass murder? As far as I know, they lived happily ever after.
I'm sure their kids all live in houses with white picket fences and their kids never raise their voices.
The year my father left I couldn't look at theJohannsens for six months.
That's not family life, Laura.
Not that I'm much of an expert- always being bounced around from aunts to cousins and then back again- but even sitting on the outside of things, I've learned that any family that doesn't argue once in a while can't be flesh and blood.
And I prefer flesh and blood.
Shall we go inside and check on the little one? She's supposed to be getting ready for bed.
- I feel like I should be in pipe and slippers.
- Shh! Laura- Chris, Angel's gone.
- Which one's the Niemeyers'? - I don't know! - You take the high road.
- Yeah.
Let's go.
[Laughter] Yeah? Terribly sorry.
I thought this was a family camp.
They're leaving.
I'll handle it.
- What did you do with my sister? - [Grunting] Whoa.
! We're terribly sorry.
There's been a misunderstanding.
It looks like we got a full house, Bo.
Get inside.
- Go on! - Do what he says, Chris.
Move! Did you add something to the recipe, Bonnie? [Vehicle Starts] [Steele] Laura.
! [Tires Squealing] [Brakes Screeching] Stay.
Nice work, Mr.
[Panting] Likewise, Miss Holt.
I'll give you odds that for once Angel is exactly where she should be at this time of night.
Angel? Angel! Oh, come here.
[Sighs] Are you all right? - Fine.
- [Sighs] Come on.
This way.
Officers, you've got an attempted kidnapping charge in there.
This way, please.
Are you familiar with these vehicles, Officer? All the conveniences.
The children are headed for Phoenix.
The federal courthouse is in Phoenix.
Now, even someone with your limited imagination can make the connection.
Walter Gallen is going to testify in Phoenix.
All I'm asking you to do is find out when.
[Laughing] For the simple reason that a man with a rifle, standing around for days on end is liable to attract attention.
I realize that's messy, Senator.
Do you have an alternative suggestion? Hiding your head in the sand is not gonna keep the rest of your extremities from getting shot off.
After all, I do believe that Gallen intends to name you as chief recipient of Greykirk's largess.
Well, won't you at least try? The next time Greykirk buys a senator I'm going to insist that the purchase price include backbone.
- The gentlemen you requested are here, sir.
- Show them in.
Jackson, Mr.
We have reason to believe you accompanied Walter Gallen to Phoenix where you no doubt left him with federal marshals.
I'm authorized to pay each one of you $100,000 for the exact time Gallen's arriving at that courthouse.
Don't have any idea.
I think you do.
Your mistake.
[Chuckles] Mr.
Jackson, I want you to pay close attention to the following exchange between myself and Mr.
Do you comprehend the significance of that exchange, Mr.
Jackson? Okay, steady now.
[Tires Squealing] Oops.
Here you go.
My turn, chief.
Out you get.
- Coward.
- Yes.
Whatever happened to that appetite of yours? I'm not hungry.
[Sighs] When are you gonna tell me what a jerk I am? When am I supposed to? I really goofed up last night.
I could have gotten us killed.
Gotta be really stupid to do something like that.
Or very brave.
You were trying to save your sister.
I was trying to impress you too.
I know.
You don't think I'm a jerk? I really like you.
I like you too.
"Like"? Like a lot.
- The hearing's at 10:00.
- Mm-hmm.
We're early.
I'm not so sure.
I just had a little talk with Angel.
Yesterday at Barbara's, she phoned her father's secretary.
That would explain the key lime pie- and how the Niemeyers found us.
If our trusted Miss Haines knew where we were then she could probably figure out where Mr.
Gallen is this morning.
And if snatching the kids was the Greykirk Corporation's plan "A" I'm sure they have a plan "B.
" We're not early.
No one's supposed to get hurt.
Hey, you wanna join him, Miss Haines? Maybe he'll marry you in the next world.
[Laura] There's the secretary.
The roof! The Gauntlet.
Clint Eastwood, Sondra Locke, Warner Bros.
, 1977.
Down, kids.
We're going to the movies.
[Tires Squealing] Walter! Walter! - Shelby.
- Mr.
It must be important.
[Tires Squealing] [Gunshots] I knew these things were useful for something.
Do you have a statement, Mr.
Gallen? What does this mean for Greykirk? Look this way, please.
- How do you feel? - How do I feel? Well, I feel about 20 years lighter.
And if I were you, I would definitely not invest in Greykirk stock.
Now that we're gonna be living in Los Angeles you think maybe we could take in a movie? Hit a couple of clubs? - Let's start with a movie, Chris.
- [Laughs] You saved my daddy's life, didn't you? What if we did? Are you sure you're only nine? I hear you, Mr.