Remington Steele (1982) s02e15 Episode Script

Steele Sweet on You

Those teeth may be the key to a double murder.
- These teeth? - Those teeth.
- He is Dr.
- I thought he was Remington Steele.
- He is.
- He is? This is not a toy.
This is a carefully crafted alginate impression.
They got Plunkett out of the pocket! He's lookin' to pass! The blitz is on! Laura and I do have our special way of working together.
Stop that tooth! Oh, that's good.
Oh, yes! One of these days, I've gotta do something about that overbite.
Oh! - Hello.
- Hello, Cookie.
This is Frances.
- Is Donald there? - Oh, hello, uh, Mrs.
- No.
Piper just left.
- He did? I- I'm just taking care of- of some odds and ends here.
Well, it certainly sounds that way.
Now, what about my overbite? We'll get to it at the convention.
Let's go.
- Morning, Mildred.
- Oh, good morning.
- Is Mr.
Steele in? - No, but there is somebody waiting for you in your office.
- Oh? - She didn't give me her name.
She just came in, asked for you and sailed into your office as if it were her own.
Oh, she did mention that the ficus needed watering.
Laura! - Laura.
! - Oh, my! It's Frances! Oh! Look at you.
Oh, you little thing! Oh.
I didn't know you and Donald were coming to L.
Well, Donald has one of his conventions, and I was exhausted.
I just finished redoing the den.
So I left the housekeeper with the kids I traded Peggy Burke my day at carpool and I just flew on out here.
Where's Donald? Oh, he's over at the, uh, Brinkley Hotel.
But you know how boring those things can get.
Frances? Did anything happen? Well, you tell me.
For 15 years, we have been married and, for 15 years, I have gone to every single one of his conventions- and I didn't tell Mother.
And now it's finally in Los Angeles, and, uh- He didn't take you.
But why? That is why.
"Greenwich Florist Shop.
" "Myrna's Lingerie.
" "Plotkin Jewel-" I don't get it.
Well, I didn't get any of it either- not the roses, not the nightgown.
- She did.
- She? Oh, my God, Frances.
Not Donald? He's having an affair, Laura.
My Donald is having an affair.
- I don't believe it.
- Well, it's true.
And I've let it happen.
I don't know.
I guess I was just so busy with the house and getting Mindy to ballet and tennis lessons after school- and Danny has soccer and his allergist- that I guess that I just didn't pay enough attention to Donald.
So he just went out and he found himself somebody who did.
Frances, are you sure you're not jumping the gun on this? Oh, Laura, look at me.
I'm not exactly the size six I was when we got married.
As much as Donald says he likes to have something to grab on to, it doesn't mean a thing.
No, Frances.
You look wonderful.
And you're my sister, and you're being nice.
But it's true.
Mother was right.
You should be glad you don't have someone special enough in your life to break your heart, Laura.
I thank the Lord for that every day, Frances.
You are just so lucky.
Look, before you convince yourself - that it's Boom Town all over again- - What? Boom Town.
MGM, 1940.
Clark Gable leaves Claudette Colbert for Hedy La- I didn't know you were so interested in movies.
Actually, a friend of mine got me started.
Why don't you take my car, go back to the loft while I go to the hotel and take a look around? All right.
- Whatever you learn- - Oh! you'll give it to me straight, won't you? In Boom Town, Claudette Colbert ends up in Clark Gable's arms.
We'll be out for a while, Mildred, on official business.
Is there a number to reach you at in case the boss wants to call? No, there isn't any.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
I can't leave you two alone for a minute.
Now, wait a minute.
I started working on the paper.
I swear I did, but I got carried away with the material.
Howie, I don't want to get involved in your personal life.
But you don't cheat on your wife, and you think I'm a lowlife because I do.
But, Donald, that's what makes us such great partners.
We complement each other.
Come on.
Let's hear what you did on the paper.
"Ladies and gentlemen, as we all know tic douloureux is a very interesting condition.
" That's it? That's what you've done? Go take a cold shower.
Give me the notes, get the teeth, and put some clothes on.
We have a paper to do here.
- Ah! Good morning, Mildred.
- Oh, good morning, sir.
- Miss Holt in yet? - She came and went- on a new case that arrived this morning.
- Oh, wonderful.
Where shall I meet her? - I couldn't say.
She just left.
She didn't leave any forwarding number.
- And she didn't leave a message for me? - Not a word.
- So, we're back to that, are we? - Back to what? Mildred, would you be so kind as to read the wording printed on that door over there? Remington Steele Investigations.
Thank you.
Somehow, Miss Holt has a way of conveniently overlooking that fact even though she walks through that door every morning.
I'm sure there's an explanation for that, boss.
Yes, and I've heard it before, but I thought she and I had come to a new agreement - that she would stop wandering off by herself.
- Oh, Mr.
- What? - Please, Mr.
Oh, boss, don't- You-You're not gonna fire her, are you? I'm afraid she's on the thin edge, Mildred.
The thin edge.
Miss Holt is a very hard worker.
I know that you're angry, but- Oh, please, give her just one more chance.
Tell me.
What mode of transportation did she use? - The limo, I think.
- I see.
Would you be good enough to call Fred on the car phone? Can't have her wandering off by herself on a case.
Far too inexperienced.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Excuse me.
Would you care to sample some of our chocolates? No.
No, thank you.
I- Um- Hello.
Could you tell me, please, what room Dr.
Donald Piper is in? - It's 312.
- 312.
In what room do I find a Dr.
Howard Sabatchnik? That's 314.
- Tic douloureux, also known as trigeminal neuralgia manifesting in bouts of severe, brief lacerating pain in distribution of one or more divisions of the fifth cranial nerve most often found in the superior mandibula or the maxillary.
- Laura.
Hi! - Hi, Don.
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.
Laura, this is my assistant, Cookie.
She's quite a help, I'm sure.
How about a drink? Downstairs.
I'm ready anytime you are, Doctor.
Take five, Cookie- Miss Widdoes.
Let's- Laura, I know what you're thinking.
That's not too hard, Donald.
Why, Mr.
Whittaker, what are you doing here? - Now, Laura, what you just saw- it is not what you think.
- Now, Laura, what you just saw- it is not what you think.
You mean what looks to me like a half-dressed woman on a half-made bed in the middle of my sister's husband's hotel room is not what I think? - Right.
- Okay.
What is it? It is a purely professional relationship.
And that's just one of the many things you two professionals share? Believe me.
Cookie is a fantastic dental assistant.
She's got a light touch.
She's good with the uppers, the lowers.
She's experienced.
When that office gets hoppin', she jumps right in there.
- She gets the job done.
- I bet she does.
That silk robe- is that always part of her professional uniform or is it only when she jumps in there and gets the job done? Laura- Laura, I know how it looks.
But this is me, right? Please.
Please trust me.
Why didn't you bring Frances? Maybe I'm being a bit protective but I can't expose her to what goes on at these conventions.
Donald, she's been to 15.
- Sixteen if you count the time you were engaged.
- Yes, yes.
And lately I've noticed an alarming trend among some of my colleagues.
Their eyes- they're beginning to wander from home.
How's your eyesight, Donald? Laura, I love my wife.
See, that sort of thing doesn't interest me.
Of course.
How silly of me to have thought otherwise.
Thank you.
You see? I knew- I knew that you would understand.
Oh, you're great.
Look, I've got a paper to write but why can't we have dinner tonight? - Donald, not to press a point.
- Yes? - But where is Cookie staying? - With a friend.
You are the greatest.
You are the greatest sister-in-law a guy could ever, ever have.
I love- Oh, you're won- Well, of course you all get a welcome kiss.
Welcome to the convention.
Oh, have a wonderful- time.
- Hello, Doc.
Welcome to the convention.
- Mm.
Excuse me.
Thank you very much indeed.
Thank you.
Wendell Whittaker.
- What are you doing here? - Uh, vacation.
You're not gonna believe this, but I was thinking about you just now.
- Really? - Yeah.
I'm gonna make you famous.
Oh, is that so? Do you remember when you came up to the office with your tic douloureux? Well, Howie and I, tomorrow, are presenting a paper on it.
Who knows? From the size of this convention, we might even get a little TV coverage.
- TV? - Yeah.
- Why don't we go up to your room? You can tell me all about it.
- Good.
- I'd love to hear about it.
I'll be your audience.
- Sure.
Okay, yeah.
- Sounds fascinating.
- Stop! Stop! - Mind if I steal him a moment? - Don't forget.
TV, radio.
Maybe even a docudrama.
- Have we met before? - Uh, Dr.
Stanley Bridges.
No, I don't think so.
Oh, I know.
- Cleveland convention, right? - Uh-huh.
- Oh, no, no, no.
Call me Donald.
- Ah, well, Donald.
Here to shake loose, kick up your heels? Seems to be the general rule at these things, doesn't it? Oh, I don't know.
One could always look up long-lost family or friends or perhaps even hire a private detective to find someone for you.
That would go over big in Connecticut.
I could just imagine a private detective sauntering up to my hou- Bingo would love it.
- Bingo? - My daughter Mindy's German shepherd.
My wife hates him because he sheds.
Sheds all over the house.
- But Mindy and my son love him.
- Is your wife here? No, no.
Thank the Lord, no.
- Hey, Piper! Join the party.
- No, no.
Wait, guys.
I gotta help Howie with the paper.
- Are you still bailing Howie out, Donald? - No, no.
I don't do that.
- Don't worry.
We'll all work on the paper.
- Guys! Guys! Just a second! Just a second.
Hazel, I don't care what Danny says.
He is not allowed to have toasted marshmallows for dinner.
After all, his father is a dentist.
Really? When did they call? Oh, dear.
That's just horrible.
Well, yes, I'll try and get him.
Oh, oh, oh.
And, Hazel, please remind Mindy to put in her bite plate.
Okay, yes.
Thank you.
Love to all.
Everything all right with the kids? Yes, but it seems there's been a terrible fire and one of Donald's patients died- Wendell Whittaker.
The fire was so bad that the police called Donald for the dental records.
Oh, they probably had to make a positive I.
- Look what I bought.
- Oh, great.
I could use a glass.
Coming up.
W- W-Wait a minute.
You're trying to get me drunk for a reason.
Don't be silly.
You remember that time, right after Dad left, Mom had that man over? Oh, yes.
And you spilled red wine all over the carpet.
- Boy, did I get it for not watching you.
- Sorry.
" You know, I can just picture it.
After 15 years, he ends it with, "Sorry.
" Donald saw you and told you he was finished with me, didn't he? No, no.
It's nothing like that.
Come on.
I know what you think of me, Laura.
After all, what am I? Just a typical suburban housewife- two kids, a mink coat and station wagon, right? Frances, you're my sister.
You're bright.
You're beautiful.
I don't see you quitting your job and signing up for carpool.
I don't wanna quit my job but that doesn't mean I've ruled out a husband and family.
- Did you ever tell Mother that? - And see my name plastered in the yellow pages? - Come on, Frances.
- "Come on, Frances"what? You don't wanna tell her because it's something she wants you to do.
The only thing I know my mother has wanted me to do all my life was be exactly like you.
All my life, I've heard, "Why can't you be like your sister Frances? "Why can't you talk like your sister Frances? Why don't you have friends like your sister Frances?" The least you could have done was try a little harder.
I could've used a little relief from being the perfect one.
You don't know what it was like, Laura- never doing what I wanted to do not even knowing what it was I wanted to do.
You know, I never told you this.
But six months after Daddy left Mother came up to me, and she took her engagement ring off.
I remember she was crying at the time and she said that she would keep it off until she saw one on my finger.
Laura, I don't know.
Sometimes I don't know whose life I'm leading- mine or the one Mother always wanted.
Well, anyway, you're the lucky one.
- You got away.
- No, Frances.
I ran away.
Oh, Laura.
How very nice to see you here.
What an unexpected surprise.
- Ah! - This is my sister, Frances.
Oh, your sister.
What a pleasure.
Laura's told me a great deal about working with you, Mr.
Has she now? Well, Laura and I do have our special way of working together.
How would you categorize it, Miss Holt? For instance, today- what would you call that your own special brand of secret service? There's nothing secret about it.
- I was at a pier.
- At the pier, were we? Ah.
- With a client.
- Oh, yes.
I forgot.
Yes, Mildred did seem to mention something about, uh, an out-of-towner.
- Mm.
Married, wasn't he? - He didn't say.
Nothing at all about a wife, uh, kiddies, a job even? Huh.
How surprising.
And it seemed so crucial to the case.
If he didn't tell you, it can only mean one thing, Laura.
- It didn't come up, Frances.
- Well, of course it didn't, because he's lying.
He is lying to you, Laura, just like he's lying to his wife.
Just like he's lying- It's an epidemic! Oh, God.
Uh, did I start something? Come on, Piper! The fun's just beginning.
- It's over for me, fellas.
- Don't give me that stuff about work.
Who you got in there? Give me a break, will ya? Get outta here.
Let's go get some girls.
I don't believe this.
Howie? Howie! What's the matter, one room isn't enough for you? Look, Howie, there's a spot on the wall you missed.
Why don't you come in and finish it? Amazing.
Just amazing.
Oh, no.
No, no, no.
Aw, Howie.
That's it! I don't care what you guys are doin'.
I'm comin' in! Howie! You're still in the shower? That's very bad for you, Howie.
You'll wash away all your natural oils.
Oh, my God.
- Hello? - Laura? - You gotta get over here.
- What happened? It is too late for questions.
Get over here right now.
But- Wendell.
Oh, boy, am I glad to see you.
You won't believe what I found.
Tell me all about it, Donald.
I don't understand.
Why would anyone wanna kill How- His wife.
His wife found out he was having an affair.
- Oh, boy.
- Donald, stand still, will ya? It's- It's hard to get a bead on what you're saying.
- You're all over the place.
- I-I'm sorry.
That's much better.
I've never run in to anything like this before.
Well, you just never really know when the end is coming.
Hey, Donald! Look what we found.
- No, no.
- Don't worry.
We brought one for you! - I don't want any.
- What about your friend here? - He doesn't want any either.
- Where's Howie? We gotta get Howie! - No! Don't go in here.
Right, Wendell? - Right.
- What can Howie be doing that I haven't done already? - Nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
- Believe me, Howie's doing nothing.
Right, Wendell? - Right.
- Hold down the fort.
- Right.
They got Plunkett out of the pocket! He's lookin' to pass! The blitz is on! Wait, wait, wait! No, no, no, no! - An interception! - Don't do that! A flea-flicker! Come on, come on.
! Laura, over here! Dr.
Bridges, join the party.
- Dr.
Bridges? - The man's obviously mistaken me for one of his colleagues.
Throw it! Throw it! - Okay.
Which side am I on? - Hit me! Come on! Come on! Over here! Over here! Dr.
Really! This is not a toy.
This is a carefully crafted alginate impression.
- Ah.
- Laura.
Yes, Doctor.
You, of all people should recognize a carefully crafted alginate impression.
Hey! Come on, you guys! I still can't believe it.
This is the most shocking sight I've ever seen.
Come here.
You've already met Miss Widdoes, my dental assistant.
- The gentleman is my partner, Howard Sabatchnik.
Oh, no.
Bridges, please.
Go in the other room.
Perhaps I can be of some assistance.
Criminology has always been a hobby of mine.
- I never miss an Agatha Christie movie.
- Let him stay, Donald.
Apparently there's more to the doctor than meets the eye.
Poor Howie.
He did the best periodontal flap in all Connecticut.
Maybe even the whole eastern seaboard.
Under the circumstances, I think it's time for the truth, Donald.
Where you and Cookie involved? Laura! Of course not! I told- She was Howie's extracurricular activity.
I think it's time to call the police.
Donald, can I talk to you for a minute alone? It's all right, Wendell.
We're calling the police.
Good thinking.
- Let's be the cheerleaders.
! - Okay.
I got it.
! I knew it! I just knew it! Get out! The party's over.
Go home to your wives and children.
Feed the dog, water the lawn.
Go to church and pray for forgiveness.
- Frances? - Frances? Frances? Get out of here.
- Frances? - Adulterer.
Apparently Frances and Donald are already acquainted.
- What are you doing here? - Confirming what I already know.
Judging from the shrill tone, I'd say they were husband and wife.
You couldn't take me to the convention because you had a paper to write.
- Donald-your brother-in-law.
- For a dentist, you're not a bad detective.
Which one of these floozies was yours? - You said he owned an athletic-footwear store.
- Only as an investment.
What are you talking about? I am talking about community property, child support and alimony.
- Frances, wait.
Listen to me.
- I think I have done enough of that already.
I'm afraid this is more than a simple case of adultery here.
! Stay out of this.
This happens to be a family affair.
- Who is Dr.
Bridges? - He is Dr.
- I thought he was Remington Steele.
- He is.
- He is? - Stop trying to change the subject.
I am booking the first flight out of this Sodom and Gomorrah.
- Frances, wait! Don't go in there.
- Why not? Another wild party? Believe me, Laura, I am immune.
- Nothing could shock me anymore.
- Oh! - Steele, huh? - Sorry I didn't tell you sooner.
Very hush-hush.
Frances, stop jumping to conclusions and let us explain! Oh! Frances! Don't go in there! That is a very messy bathroom.
- Oh! - Frances! - Poor Howie.
- Poor Cookie.
Poor Myrtle.
You're not gonna tell her about Howie's indiscretion? I don't see the point now.
I think her husband's death far outweighs a tawdry little affair.
I just can't believe- I can't believe that you suspected me of cheating on you.
There were all those receipts- lingerie, flowers, motels.
Howie used the company card.
He didn't want Myrtle to know.
The way you jumped every time I came to the office.
I was afraid that you'd find out about them, then tell Myrtle.
You haven't come near me for two months.
Frannie, I was preoccupied.
I'm telling you, I really- I didn't know what to do about the situation.
Then when you didn't take me to the convention- A thing like that gets a girl thinking, you know.
Frannie, how could you doubt me when the evidence of my undying faithfulness is everywhere.
Could a man who's having an affair dig a new cesspool? Well, I guess I just wasn't paying attention.
Oh, Donald, can you ever forgive me? Well, I- I guess it's a little flattering that, after 15 years you-you still care enough to get a little jealous.
It appears the marriage institution has survived another test.
Profound observation, Dr.
Or should I call you Stanley? - I suppose you're gonna press me for an explanation on that one.
- I wouldn't dream of it.
Unlike Frances, I have implicit faith in my partner.
Now, what the hell were you doing running around a hotel masquerading as a dentist? It looked as if you were dealing with a case without telling me.
I was more than a little miffed.
Frankly, I was a little embarrassed to bring you in on this one.
When I arrived at the hotel and observed you and Donald in intimate conversation his hands all over you I began to suspect that it was more than a business relationship involved.
I wanted to pump him, as it were, incognito.
- You were jealous.
- Definitely not.
I knew I could trust you without hesitation.
Thanks for the vote of confidence.
Well, perhaps there was a pang or two.
I'll forgive you.
Now, to the matter at hand.
The burning question seems to be, why would anyone want to kill a dentist? Whatever the reason, I think the hotel is our only starting point.
I'll use my Dr.
Bridges identity.
You know, blend in, investigate without arousing suspicion.
- In that case, I'll need a cover too.
- Exactly.
Now- This isn't exactly what I had in mind.
Come now, Laura.
What better cover for a convention? You'll be able to roam around, people will pour out their life stories to you and you get to answer that age-old question- What's a nice girl like you doing in an outfit like that? Caramels? Chocolate-covered cherries? Mint parfaits? - No.
No, thank you.
- Oh, come on.
One won't hurt ya.
- No! - Whoa.
- I've seen that look before.
- What look? Ray Milland had it in The Lost Weekend.
Played a hopeless alcoholic.
Got it every time he saw a bottle of scotch.
You and chocolates have a similar relationship? Don't be ridiculous.
We're on a case.
There's a murderer loose.
We don't have time to stand around tasting cho- - cho- cho- - Chocolate.
Come on.
Let's pump some dentists.
Oh, Donald.
You are so energetic.
Well, I had a lot of energy stored up.
I got a little tickle in my throat.
You got a cough drop? Oh, Frances.
Oh, Donald.
I'm sorry.
You see, there was this cho- cho- - cho- - Chocolate.
Thank you- convention at the hotel.
I thought you were having an affair with Cookie so I was really, really depressed.
And I thought, well, gee, just one little teeny-tiny consolation- How many did you have, Frances? - No more than three - Okay.
Oh! Frances, you gotta seek help if not for yourself, for the children.
It is not a pretty sight to find your mother hiding in a garage stuffing her face with malted milk balls.
I am over it, Donald.
I mean, now that I know that I have you I will never touch another malted milk ball again as long as I live.
I promise.
And the children are just fine.
I talked to them today.
- They are? - Yes.
You've gotta believe me.
They will have no permanent scars because of my condition.
- Oh.
There was one bit of disturbing news though.
- Hmm? - Oh.
There was one bit of disturbing news though.
- Hmm? About that patient of yours- Wendell Wh-Whittaker.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, he's coping with his tic douloureux very well, I thought.
I don't think he needs to worry about it anymore.
- You never know when those things can reoccur.
- He's dead.
Burned in a fire.
- When? - A couple of days ago, I think.
That's impossible.
I just saw him here in Los Angeles in the hotel.
Well, that's impossible.
The police called for his dental records to make a positive identification.
They can't possibly make a positive identification without the impression of his teeth.
We brought them here with us.
- Oh, dear Lord.
- What's the matter? Those teeth may be the key to a double murder.
- Get dressed.
- Okay.
Doesn't seem to be an easy access, does it? You just leave that to Mama.
Uh, lose anything, miss? Oh, Officer, I can't seem to find my hotel key.
- Has it been a long night for you, Captain? - Sergeant.
Sergeant? Really? - You look like a captain to me.
- Thanks.
Let's have a look at that badge.
- I'll take those teeth.
- These teeth? Those teeth.
He is alive.
I don't think he wants to celebrate his good fortune with us.
Come on.
There he is! Watch your backs, please.
Watch your backs.
Excuse me.
- Bridges! Buy you a drink.
- Another time perhaps.
Something else on your mind, huh, Bridges? You dog.
A little dental hygiene.
Nothing more.
- Ask her if she's got a friend who needs a checkup.
- We can all floss in my room.
He could be anywhere.
Excuse me, ladies.
Donald, what are doing? It's the only way I could keep her quiet.
- Is he still here? - Possibly.
Let's check the rest of the lobby.
- Frances, I'm sorry.
I did it for your own safety.
- Frances.
Mmm! Laura.
Laura, I'll give you $20 - if you get me some more raspberry swirls.
- What? It's all the cash I've got, unless you wanna take a traveler's check.
Frances, what are you talking about? Come here.
Sit down.
Laura, I have a confession to make.
I'm a cho- cho- I'm a chocoholic.
- You are? - Mm.
Don't tell Mother.
- How did this happen? - Well- It started with a couple candy bars for breakfast.
Then a few more to tide me over till lunch.
Before I knew what was happening, it was all I could think about.
I'd fall asleep at night dreaming of rich, gooey caramels nougat centers, mocha.
And then it got to the point where one piece- - one whiff of cho- - Oh.
- cho- cho- - It's all right, Frances.
I'd go through 10 pounds before a binge broke.
My face would break out.
My clothes wouldn't fit.
There was no stopping me.
- How long ago was that? - Last week.
- I know how you feel.
- How could you? I, too, have dreams- warm, sensuous dreams.
I walk into a dark room, and a deep bath of chocolate awaits me.
I lower myself into it.
I'm covered in chocolate.
And I discover what the pursuit of happiness means.
I wanna believe in reincarnation so I can come back as a crunch bar.
It runs in the family- the Holt curse.
Two sisters- so different, yet so similar.
Oh, Frances, I've never felt this close to you.
Who is this gentleman we're chasing anyway? Wendell Whittaker, a patient of mine- well, actually Howie's.
- He suffers from a classic case of tic douloureux.
- Oh, yeah? We were gonna do a paper on it for the convention.
Even brought an impression of his teeth to use as sort of a visual aid.
That's all very fascinating, but why would this man kill for those teeth? Wendell has a bullion exchange.
He trades in gold, precious metals.
Apparently he's under investigation for embezzling close to $10 million of his company funds.
Then they found the body, burnt beyond recognition.
The police called me for the dental records to make a positive I.
If Wendell Whittaker is officially declared dead, he becomes a very wealthy ghost.
He has his teeth.
That should be the end of it.
I don't know.
As long as you can examine that corpse and declare that it isn't Whittaker I don't think we've heard the last of him.
What am I supposed to do, run the rest of my life? I just cleaned my garage.
- The Man Who Knew Too Much.
- I'm willing to forget if he is.
Jimmy Stewart, Doris Day.
Paramount, 1956.
What are we doing here, talking movies now? What better way to formulate a plan to save your life and capture Whittaker? That's the one where Doris Day sings "Que Sera, Sera.
" A meaningless musical interlude.
The plot has a hired assassin planning to kill an ambassador at the exact moment the cymbals crash during a concert given at the Albert Hall.
That leaves me out.
I don't play the cymbals.
No need to.
This is our Albert Hall - and you deliver your paper at? - 3:00.
As good as any cymbal.
Come on.
This guy- Steele.
Steele, wait a minute.
Ah, splendid.
You really enjoy seeing me wear these outlandish- not to mention demeaning- costumes, don't you? Laura, you told me yourself the secret of surveillance is to blend in.
Sometimes I wish I'd stayed in the math department.
Laura, are you sure Donald's going to be all right out there? Mr.
Steele and I are covering the entire auditorium.
Believe me, Frances.
Wendell is not going to slip through.
Time to squeeze out.
Look, why don't you go out front? - No, no.
I wanna stay back here with you.
- Come on.
You heard what Laura said.
Nothing is gonna happen.
Oh, I know that.
So do I.
The key to the safety deposit box is in the bureau drawer, under the socks.
- I thought that's where you kept the will.
- The will is under my shorts.
- Where's the insurance policy? - Under your panty hose.
Oh, Donald.
Don't talk like that.
Ready to take a shot at this, Piper? Ladies and gentlemen, to open the afternoon session our distinguished colleague from Connecticut- Dr.
Donald Piper.
Tic- Tic douloureux is- is a very interesting condition.
Something hot, something cold uh, something sweet- even a loud sound- could, uh send the mouth into excruciating pain.
Supertooth is here with a super brush for a super people, for a super-dontic tooth.
! Here comes Supertooth.
! Supertooth.
! Stop that tooth! All right, Whittaker.
The game's over.
Hey, this wasn't my idea.
- Some guy- he gave me 20 bucks to do this.
- What guy? Him.
Tic douloureux.
Even a loud sound could send the mouth into excruciating pain.
- Here we go.
- I'm sorry we couldn't spend more time together.
- Yes, yes.
- Well, now that we've made contact I'm sure there'll be a great many more visits.
- Only next time in Connecticut.
It's a lot quieter there.
- You got a deal, Donald.
Frances, what can I say? It's been wonderful.
- Donald, take care of yourself.
- Oh, uh- Now, a "thank you for saving my life" gift.
How sweet.
- You're welcome.
- You're gonna miss your flight.
- Take that.
Here we go.
- Got everything? I'm gonna send you more pictures of the kids.
See you later.
See you, Frances.
Take care of yourselves.
Uh- Okay.
Uh, aren't you gonna open it? - No hurry.
- Oh.
- Not the least bit curious? - You know me.
I can go for months without opening a present.
I see.
Yes, well- Hmm.
- Mmm.
- Such willpower, eh? Well- - Maybe just one.
- Mm-hmm.
That's what Ray Milland said just before he lost that weekend.