Remington Steele (1982) s03e02 Episode Script

Lofty Steele

"We, the tenants of 80010th Street hereby petition for the eviction of one Laura Holt"- Believe me, you have absolutely nothing to worry about.
That's the fire alarm.
Fire! Yes, well strangely enough, I don't think any of this is, uh, personal.
Let go of me! Are you crazy? You two are the most immoral, degenerate people it's ever been my misfortune to meet.
- Hello, Mr.
How are you? - Oh, hi.
- Laura Holt, 3A.
- You certainly are.
Laura Holt.
Laura Holt.
Thank you.
I didn't mean to scare you, lady.
Who are you? What are you doing here? - I'm the electrician.
- I didn't ask for any electrician.
Well, somebody did.
If you're really an electrician, you should have a work order, right? Sure.
Yeah, I got it here.
Nothing's missing.
Instead of going to this "Help the Whales" fund-raiser why don't we set up a petition to put an elevator in this barn, eh? - Helping whales is a worthy cause.
- Of course it is.
Besides, the media exposure will do the agency a lot of good.
I can see that you're gripped with passion, but shouldn't you change into something more appropriate? - I have a quick bone to pick with my manager.
- Oh.
Door's open.
! Looks like a prop room for Star Wars.
My manager's into robotic art.
Watch out! Are you insured for this? Ow.
What is it this time, Holt? Your toilet backed up again? I'm afraid it's a little more serious than that, Mr.
Everything's serious with you.
Nobody else in the building bothers me with piddly problems.
Just stop playing with your toys for a moment, will you? The lady said it was serious, okay? Toys? I just want to know why you let someone into my loft without first telling me.
I don't particularly enjoy coming home to find a strange man lurking in my bedroom.
- A strange man in your bedroom? - He said he was an electrician.
I don't know anything about it.
Why don't you ask the management company? Maybe they sent the guy.
I think I'll try to get to the management office before it closes.
This electrician, did he take anything? I mean, did he try to harm you in any way? No, but still, I want to try to find out who sent him.
I'll meet you at the dinner.
These stairs are beginning to take their toll.
I doubt if I'll be able to stay awake through the shrimp cocktail.
All you have to do is show your pearly whites say a few words and look as if you're interested.
I don't know anything about whales.
What am I supposed to talk about? Start with the sanctity of all living things and work your way up to blubber.
Work my way up to blubber.
Work my way up to blubber.
There, you happy? I checked, no electrician.
Next! Uh, what about my particular loft? Don't you have anything better to do with your time? There was a strange man hanging around my bedroom, and I want to know- - Know why.
- Perhaps I can help this young lady out.
That won't be necessary, Mr.
I can handle this.
I don't mind.
Would you step over this way, please? Thank you.
- I'm going to level with you, Miss- - Holt.
Laura Holt.
Frankly, this is the kind of thing we like to keep under wraps but there's been a rash of burglaries in your neighborhood recently.
We've been working with the police on it since we first noticed a pattern.
We'd be more than happy to find a hotel for you to stay in for a couple of days.
Oh, that won't be necessary.
If he was just a housebreaker, I'm sure I scared him off.
- Thanks for the offer.
- If you change your mind let Miss Livermore know.
$5,000 a year, and she can't draw a straight line and she doesn't know what two and two is, but she is expressing her true self.
Well, she is pretty.
Maybe she'll marry rich.
- You follow Cosgrove? - From the moment he left prison.
And? He headed straight for his old building on 10th Street.
Are you telling me that's where he hid the papers? It looks that way.
But he wasn't able to find them.
He didn't know the building had been converted into lofts.
Dixon? I just wanted to thank you for your generosity.
I can't begin to tell you how wonderful it is to finally have a working Xerox machine.
Education is always a solid investment, Miss, uh- - Martin.
- Of course.
You're doing a wonderful job with Courtney.
- Oh! - Jane! - Miss Martin.
- Oh, Mrs.
Dixon, how nice to see you.
You've got the jump on him.
Get the blueprints of the building - from our management company.
- I already did that.
But we have another problem.
The tenant, a girl named Laura Holt she works with Remington Steele Investigations.
She's already asking questions.
I've waited more than two and a half years to find those papers.
I must say, all in all, I thought the evening went quite well.
The audience seemed to enjoy my little talk.
Do you really think people care there were three different film versions of Moby Dick? Oh, I thought it was quite appropriate, considering the theme.
I'm not at all convinced that analyzing Gregory Peck's harpooning technique set quite the proper tone for the evening.
Well, it was a hell of a lot better than John Barrymore's, I must say.
Oh, boy.
Hey! Where are you going? To be a good neighbor.
I'm going to tell Mr.
Bartholomew about the robberies.
Well- Do you know him very well? No, not really.
I hear he's a writer.
The nice thing about adversity is that it tends to bring people together.
Oh, really? Oh.
- Who is it? - Uh, I'm Laura Holt.
I live in the loft above you.
- I know.
- I- I just wanted to tell you something.
So? Have you heard of any burglaries in the neighborhood recently? - No.
- You haven't had any trouble? - No! - There was a strange man in my loft this afternoon and- That's your problem.
Does he know adversity's meant to bring people together? Maybe we interrupted his creative process.
Once more unto the breach- Once more.
Oh! Here you go.
Oh, after all this time, I still don't understand what it is about this place that makes you call it home.
I just feel comfortable down here.
It's creative.
There's an energy down here.
Why live like everyone else when you can live in a place that's a little bit different? - Oh.
- You looking for something? Yes.
Things that go bump in the night.
For one lone housebreaker? He won't be back.
Well, perhaps.
Perhaps not.
Personally, I find it a little more than curious that yours was the only loft he was interested in.
Oh, really, Mr.
Yes, well, I've thought of hiding once or twice here myself, actually- I'll take the couch.
- I beg your pardon? - Laura, why must you always respond in that tone? - What tone? - That tone.
The one that questions my intentions.
Maybe it's because we've been down this road before.
And we've both agreed on the roadblock, have we not? But you've had an intruder in your house.
I'm simply concerned for your safety.
We'll, uh-We'll deal with my lust at a more appropriate time.
You've been through this place with a fine-tooth comb.
Besides, I'm fully capable of dealing with my own self in an emergency.
You're a difficult woman, Laura.
Which, I concede, is part of your charm.
Good night.
Still no answer.
- I'm going over there.
- I'll go with you.
- No.
Man the phones in case she calls in, okay? - Okay.
We have here the classic symptoms of chronic intoxication and its aftereffects.
Somebody drugged me! Let me out of here! For her own safety, we're going to keep this tragic young woman under 72-hour hold.
And, if we can help her cope with her inner torments, so much the better.
Care, understanding.
That's what these people are crying for.
Remington Steele Investigations.
- It's me.
I'm being held pris- - I'm sorry.
I-I-I can't hear you.
- Mildred, I need help.
- I'm sorry.
You'll have to speak up.
I can't speak up.
Could you place this call again, please? I'm being held prisoner at New Horizons Hospital! Miss Holt? Let go of me! Are you crazy? Stop it! Miss Holt, are you there? Miss Holt? Oh.
Oh, Mr.
Please, be there.
Oh, God.
New Hope- No, no, no, no.
Lost Hope.
Good Hope! Hey, what the hell's happening up there? How am I supposed to get any writing done with all that hammering and pounding? Hey! Hey, I want that racket stopped, and I want it stopped now! I don't have to put up with this, and I won't! That pounding's been going on for hours.
Yes, that pounding.
I don't know what's- Laura? You okay? Ah.
! Andjust what do you think you're doing? Are you or are you not supposed to be alert at all times? - Well, yes, but I- - I don't want any of your lame excuses.
You're in deep Bandini, young lady.
- See your supervisor at once.
- Who are you? I'm the last person you want to give any lip to, that's who.
Now, move it or lose it! Come on, move it.
Miss Holt, are you all right? I'm just fine, Mildred.
Oh! What in the world have you been drinking? I haven't been- Never mind.
Let's get out of here.
Let's go.
- That's her.
- Run for it, Mildred.
I don't think I'm cut out for this heroine business.
Watch it! Come on! Get her! Get her.
! Come on.
Oh, God.
Please, Mr.
- It's been a rough morning.
- It usually is when you party all night.
And I suppose your playmate's just doing yoga.
A nighttime floozy and a daytime drunk.
You two are the most immoral, degenerate people it's ever been my misfortune to meet.
- Are you all right? - Mm-hmm.
This neighborhood's beginning to grow on me.
Oh, look at you.
Been out on the town, have we? Well, so to speak.
After you left, some guy came around- - What is that? - Yes, well.
That's the question I was working on when the lights went out.
Yes, well, uh- I suspect, uh, this is how your unwanted guest made his entrance.
I had no idea this was here.
Someone knows my loft better than I do.
The thought of which makes me extremely queasy.
Laura, I've always admired this dress but don't you think it's seen better days? Astute observation, Mr.
Laura, at the risk of being cruelly misinterpreted yet again please, will you stay at my place? All right, then, Mildred's.
I just want to find out what's going on around here.
Intruders in the night.
Holes in the walls.
Movable panels.
What's this mayhem all about? I think the answer's clear enough.
Tell us.
What you do for a living, Miss Holt? - I'm a private investigator.
- There.
You see? Her life is endless mayhem.
- You obviously write fiction.
- You never told us what you did.
You never asked.
Besides, what has that got to do with anything? What has that got to- Look around you, Miss Holt.
Those goons nearly broke poor Helga's arm.
I'll probably never walk right again, and all because they were chasing Sam Spade here up and down the stairs with machine guns.
- Machine guns? - They nearly pumped me full of lead.
Allow me.
"We, the undersigned tenants of 80010th Street Los Angeles, California, hereby petition for the eviction of one Laura Holt.
" - What? - You've been a troublemaker since day one.
Always complaining, always asking for special attention.
Twice I asked for a plunger.
- She has been a troublemaker.
- I've been a wha- I don't even know you! I watch you all the time.
Coming in at all hours, making noise.
You use up two trash cans, never leave me any space for mine.
- Really, Laura.
- You know, Holt you are ripe for a class action suit.
We could prove in a minute that you represent a clear and present danger.
- What are you, James, a lawyer? - Ever heard of Putnam, Bailey, and Richards? - Yeah, of course.
- He's Putnam.
You don't even know me.
Did it ever occur to you that Mr.
Steele and I might be just as innocent as you are? Mr.
Steele and I are professionals, and we're very good at our jobs.
As a matter of fact, you're safer around here because of me.
- Believe me, you have absolutely nothing to worry about.
That's the fire alarm.
Fire! The safety sprinklers aren't going on.
- Where's the shut-off valve? - Come on.
- No! Come on.
Come on down the fire escape.
Let's go! Let me out.
Careful! - Aah! - Here! Here! - Where's the valve? - It's over there.
- It's too late.
Come on.
Let's get out of here! - Go, go! Come on! Where's Mr.
Steele? Help me load a second, will ya? - Can I go in now? - Yes, yes, but we haven't been able to find him.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think this is where the fire started.
Right here? The heat-The temperature has, uh, changed the metal.
- Bob.
- Ma'am, we've already looked everywhere.
Well, I'm gonna look everywhere.
- Thank God he got those sprinklers working before he- Did you hear that? Here.
Ah, it's just an old coal chute.
Steele! Oh! Ahh! The Great Escape.
Steve McQueen, James Garner.
United Artists.
What? Obviously a film of great educational value.
Are you all right? Yes, well, we seem to have asked that question frequently in the last 24 hours.
Listen, my solitary firefighter, what are you trying to prove coming in here? - You could have been killed! - Ooh.
The valve was jammed shut.
- Deliberately? - Looks like it.
- It was arson.
- Yes.
The work of a professional, I'd say.
Ah, yes.
Good day.
All right, we start from the beginning.
A strange man shows up at my loft.
Next thing, I'm given a Mickey and held incognito.
You try to find out what's going on and get hit on the head for your troubles.
And then they try to burn down the house.
Yes, well, strangely enough, I don't think any of this is personal.
- I beg your pardon? - I don't think they were after you or me.
I think it was something in your loft.
- Who occupied the loft before you did? - Good question, Mr.
Well, I've lost one home.
I'm not gonna lose another.
When those jokers from The Enterprow Foundation blew up my house I let my emotions blind me, I lost all perspective.
Well, I'm not gonna let that happen again.
I'm a detective.
I'm going to detect.
We could have all been killed because of you two.
You know, I'm beginning to find a rather striking consistency in your behavior.
- What are you talking about? - Every time there's trouble, you're here.
Leading a drive to get Miss Holt out of this building.
Are you sure all you're concerned about is the safety of the neighbors? Fill this out completely, and be sure to sign the last page.
Next! - Hi, remember me? - Let me guess, Elizabeth Taylor? Laura Holt.
Your manager warned me about you.
A complainer from the word go.
A plunger.
I ask for one lousy plunger, and I'm branded for life.
- Next! - Just, just a minute.
I want to know who rented the place before the conversion.
- I know it was a business- - What do you think this is - Information, Please? Next! - Would you please just tell me who owns the building? - Next! - I write your company's name on my rent checks every month.
- Whom do you give them to? - Federated Bank, all right? You've been more than kind.
In fact, you've been unbelievable.
Have a nice day.
Have a nice day.
- May I help you? - My name is Laura Holt.
Your company owns the building I live in.
I want to speak to the person in charge.
I'm sorry, but we have nothing to do with the actual running of the buildings.
Perhaps if you approached your management company, why I'm su- I've seen the management company.
I've seen the bank the management company sends the rent checks to.
I've seen the real estate firm that employs the bank to process the checks.
I've seen the holding company that hired the real estate firm to employ the bank.
They sent me here.
Sir, I hate to bother you but one of our tenants- a Miss Holt- is down here at reception.
I have some questions for you, Mr.
- Please, sit down, Miss- - Holt.
Laura Holt.
Now, what can I do for you, Miss Holt? Mr.
Dixon, I've spent the better part of four hours taking a crash course in bureaucratic rigmarole, and all I want to know is who leased my loft before I moved in.
- Where do you live? - 80010th Street.
Miss Hapley, would you pull the file on - I assume this has something to do with the fire.
- How do you know about the fire? - Just got a report on it.
- So soon? You are on top of things.
You think there's some sort of connection between this and the previous tenant? - I think it's worth checking out.
- Ah, here we are.
Thank you very much, Miss Hapley.
Yes, here it is.
From 1968 to 1983 the-the entire building was leased to a business owned by a Mr.
Cecil Cosgrove.
- Name mean anything to you? - No.
What business is he in? Industrial equipment.
Would you care to see the file? Oh, thanks.
- Any help? - Not really.
Thank you for your time.
My pleasure, Miss Holt.
Oh, I was starting to worry about you again, Miss Holt.
- Is he here? - Uh-huh, he's in his office.
Ah, Laura, there you are.
My, where have you been? It's nearly 6:00.
I have spent all afternoon standing in lines, knocking on doors, pounding the pa- But I finally found what we're looking for.
The previous occupant was a man by the name of- Cecil Cosgrove.
- How did you know that? - It was nothing really.
Basic detective work.
Are you telling me that you just sat here all afternoon and got the same information that I scratched and clawed - and banged my head against every wall in the city for? - Yes.
- But, Laura, if it weren't for your tutelage, I would never have developed that razor-sharp investigative instinct that I've always so envied in you.
Just how did our instincts do it? I went back and got the vase that was used to render me unconscious.
- The fingerprints.
- Mm-hmm.
Cecil Cosgrove's fingerprints, as it turned out.
It appears our Mr.
Cosgrove embezzled more than a million dollars from his corporation and ended up spending two years in prison for his trouble.
- He was released yesterday.
- That's the electrician I found in my loft.
Well, he obviously hid the stolen money in his old warehouse paid his dues behind bars and then, uh, came back to claim his unjust reward.
Do you really think he'd hide a million dollars in the walls and then burn the building? Laura, why must everything always make sense to you? You're not far off.
The key is Cosgrove.
- Do you know where he lives? - No.
But I have a good idea where he might turn up again.
Come on.
Apparently, we weren't the only ones looking for Mr.
Okay, I think I might have found something in the morgue.
Okay, I think I might have found something in the morgue.
- The morgue? - She means the newspaper morgue.
- What is it, Mildred? - First of all, this Cecil Cosgrove character may have been convicted of embezzling but the missing money hasn't seen the light of day yet.
Now, on top of that, there are rumors that Econocon Oil may be the guilty party, and not your Mr.
- Econocon? - Your ever-friendly landlord.
Econocon owned Cosgrove's company.
But why would a giant corporation want to see one of its subsidiaries go bankrupt? It happens every once in a while.
A corporation needs a huge tax loss so they do a little decorating on the books.
They run a subsidiary into the ground, end up making a profit and usually get away with it.
Perhaps we should try something like that around here and opt for an early retirement? No way, boss.
We're not big enough to get away with it.
If Econocon set Cosgrove up to take the fall what do they want out of my building? - And why murder Cosgrove? - Hmm.
Unfortunately, the answer still lies in your loft.
- Unfortunately? - Because of the fire the building's been declared off-limits.
Rather convenient for Econocon.
Well, Laura, it looks as if it's time to battle the bureaucracy once again, eh? All right, you bums.
You bums, move along.
Let's go! Yeah, you.
Move along! Couldn't you have come up with something a little less appropriate? You're positively irresistible, Mr.
I didn't give up my life on the Riviera to become a tramp in downtown Los Angeles.
I hear you, pal.
Our decoy's arrived.
- Lady, don't park it there.
- I ain't botherin' nobody.
- Look, lady- - No, you look, junior.
This place is mine.
I ain't movin', period.
I'm gonna be very nice, and I'm gonna ask you one more time, move.
Oh, go stuff it, will ya? You little twerp.
Oh, oh, I do wish Mildred wouldn't be quite so zealous.
- Hey! - I'm taking you in.
- Hey, man, that's my apple! - She's- Steady, Laura.
She fell in the line of duty.
Besides, we've got work to do.
Come on.
- Okeydokey.
- Stay.
Hey, wait a minute.
! Wait.
! - Ow! Ow! - Sit on her, Irv.
I demand my rights.
I demand my lawyer! I demand you get off of me, you big oaf! For once, it's gonna be a pleasure going up these stairs.
Hold on to that.
Fancy meeting you here, Mr.
I think we're getting to the bottom of this, Laura.
Perhaps you can explain these, eh? Hardly a writer's manuscript, eh? Read 'em.
Go ahead.
Nestor Bartholomew's great American novel.
They're stock forecasts.
Management résumés.
Without tomorrow's forecasts, I would have lost most of my clients.
- I'm a stock analyst.
- Why pretend you're a writer? I got tired of seeing that glazed look in everybody's eye when I told them what I did.
Oh, they tried so hard not to yawn in my face.
So, I moved down here, to the creative community hoping to find friends.
I figured I'd have a better shot at it if I told 'em I was a writer.
Didn't make any difference.
That came from my loft.
For an abandoned building, it's certainly crowded, isn't it? Does this mean you're gonna tell everybody about me? That's your choice, Mr.
Bartholomew, not ours.
Excuse me.
Well, well, the hospitable Mr.
Dixon from Econocon.
- It looks as if he found what everybody was after.
- Uh-huh.
When we get our hands on that, you'll finally be able to have a good night's sleep around here.
- Do unto others, Mr.
Steele? - Absolutely, Miss Holt.
I don't mean to alarm you, Laura, but we're a gun short on this exchange, you know.
Miss Holt? I've waited a long time to get my hands on that envelope.
There's been enough bloodshed already.
Why have more? It wasn't Econocon after all, was it, Mr.
Dixon? You're the reason the money never surfaced.
You're the embezzler, not Cosgrove.
You set him up, didn't you? If it wasn't the money you were looking for, what was it? Did Cosgrove try to blackmail you? Ah.
I'm beginning to appreciate your taste in art, Miss Holt.
I always knew you'd come to see their value, Mr.
My compliments, Mildred, your bag lady was first-rate.
Oh, thanks, chief.
- It was a part I could really sink my teeth into.
- Yeah? What was in the envelope, Miss Holt? Cosgrove commissioned an audit when he first suspected Dixon.
With it, he could prove Dixon set him up.
Well, why wouldn't he expose him, instead of going to prison? Ah, well, blackmail is far more profitable, Mildred.
I'll get it.
At the time of his arrest, Cosgrove told Dixon that a couple of years behind bars was a small price to pay for being able to blackmail him.
All Dixon could do was wait.
M- May we come in? Yes, please do.
Well, uh- We all owe you and Mr.
Steele here a great deal, Laura, including a giant apology.
That go for Mr.
Bartholomew, or did he plan to abstain from this little peace party? He's probably too embarrassed to show up.
After all, he was the instigator of this whole unpleasantness.
If you ask me, he deserves to be ostracized.
That's a little unfair.
We're all neighbors.
We should try to get along.
Oh, well, that's very generous of you.
- You're a real sport, kiddo.
- If you can put up with him, I guess we can.
- I think I'll ask him up.
- Excuse me.
Laura, now that the neighbors think so highly of you do you think we could petition for an elevator in this building? One step at a time, Mr.
Laura, you're an extraordinary woman, being this forgiving.
- I think we started something with Mr.
We established a mutual trust.
I'm looking forward to a new relationship with him.
- Good.
- Hello, Nestor.