Remington Steele (1982) s04e08 Episode Script

Coffee, Tea or Steele

- Any idea how the body got on board? - Good question.
Oh, Miss? A touch more coffee, if you please.
I hope you're enjoying this.
Excuse me.
Oh! Laura, stay away from Biff, or somebody might just clip your wings.
Oh! Oh.
I've been pinched, pawed, clawed, manhandled- - What happened to you? - Merely a brush with death.
A little more pâté, Mrs.
Sinclaire? Thank you, my dear.
Oh, Miss, more champagne.
I just made 2 million over the Rockies.
- General Motors is up a quarter.
- Of course, Mr.
Dayton.
Congratulations.
Tell me more about that tax shelter.
Thanks.
Thought you'd like a fresh one before we land.
Thank you, Sally.
Fabulous flight- as always.
The whole operation is simply flawless.
Champagne, anyone? - Morning, Mildred.
- Morning.
- Let me know when Mr.
Steele arrives.
- He's arrived.
- This early? - He's hiring.
- Hiring? - One of his students.
- What students? - From USC.
He's been guest lecturing.
Introduction to the Criminal Mind.
Well, he should know.
Time to give the professor a little pop quiz.
Although it takes years to develop the imagination of a- of a master sleuth to hone the instincts to a-a razor-sharp sensitivity to- Ah, Miss Holt, come in, come in.
Please, yes.
I'd like you to meet Marvin T.
Slaughtman, Jr.
- What a pleasant surprise.
- Yes, indeed.
Marvin has come on board as our intern- our detective in the making.
Ours to- Ours to shape.
Ours to mold.
I can't tell you what an honor it is to be working for Mr.
Steele.
Oh, I've always found it a challenge to find the right words.
May I see you in my office, Mr.
Steele? Yes.
Yes, certainly.
Obviously a- a crime-solving case that demands my immediate attention, Marvin.
Please, enjoy the photographs, will you? You've been lecturing at USC without telling me? Oh, just one or two special appearances, Laura.
- I didn't think you need be bothered.
- Really? And now what are you doing? Oh, merely easing the burden of an unwieldy caseload.
Yes? - Excuse me, sir.
May I ask you a question? - Mm-hmm.
You see? Eager to learn.
Fire away, my boy.
Was that heavy or medium starch on those collars? Uh, we'll, uh-We'll clarify that later, Marvin.
Thank you very much.
Good boy.
Unwieldy caseload? Well, there are some ancillary responsibilities I had in mind for the lad.
We've got to fly.
We will discuss this later.
- Laura, can I just point- - Later.
We've got a case.
Mildred, we'll be at Platinum Air.
- What aboutJoe College? - We'll settle that this afternoon.
In the meantime, Mildred, find a suitable place for the young man, will you? Splendid.
Plopped right down here like a sack of potatoes.
- Hmm.
Any idea how the body got on board, Mr.
Ketcham? - Good question.
Couldn't have been a passenger that brought him on.
We keep records of everything the passengers check.
- Which means it must be one of the crew members.
- Bingo.
We don't keep track of what the crew brings on board.
Never had a reason to before.
Our new baggage-handling system is strictly state of the art.
The bags are vacuum-tubed from the cargo hold right down to the carousel.
No one touches them the moment they leave the plane.
Here's the bag the stiff was in.
Hmm.
Still a few termites in the system, eh? Police still haven't been able to I.
D.
the corpse.
- He wasn't a passenger? - Hell, no.
Wrong tax bracket.
Thirty percent at the outside, from the looks of his suit.
Besides, the lab boys said he was dead long before he was put on the plane.
I notice the news media haven't broken the story yet.
Well, let's just say I've got friends in high places but I can't keep this under wraps for long.
I'll level with you, Steele.
Platinum Air is an image business.
One word of this gets out, I'm grounded.
You've got to find out which of my crew is behind this and you've got to find out pronto.
Not to worry, Mr.
Ketcham.
We pride ourselves on discretion and results.
I knew I could count on you, Steele.
Oh, Miss? - A touch more coffee, if you please.
- Mmm.
I hope you're enjoying this.
Oh, come now, Laura.
We all have our place.
You don't expect me to prance around in a little tutu like that, now do you? Thank you.
- With scenery like that, who needs a window seat, huh? I could use another club soda.
Oh, allow me.
You buzzed, sir? My companion appears to have run dry.
Ah.
I'll take care of it right away.
- Thank you.
- Oh, Miss? - You bellowed, sir? - My pillow.
Yes.
Uh, Barry Holder, Holder Investments.
We specialize in investment stock portfolios.
Strictly high-yield.
Trevor Keach.
Commodities- my game.
Yeah? Which ones? Uh, a potpourri actually.
- You into options? - I keep mine open.
You know, I have a tidy little investment that might interest you.
Forty-percent return in two years.
It's a honey of a deal.
- Forty percent, eh? - Yeah and I can let you in for only 200 grand.
Hmm.
That's a lot of pork bellies.
- You must be Laura.
- Oh.
- I'm Lorraine Maywood.
- Hi.
- And that's Wanda.
- Hi.
Nice to meet you.
Emergency in the aft cabin.
We are out of gin.
I usually hide a spare down here somewhere.
- Oh.
- It's your lucky day.
- Mm-hmm.
- Ladies, did you see Trevor Keach in 2C? Not interested.
Lorraine, you know the rules.
Laura, they just rang from the cockpit for some coffee.
Right.
Right.
Uh, what rules? Paragraph 15, Section 8.
Employees are strictly prohibited from fraternizing with the passengers after hours.
- Mmm.
- You get caught, it's good-bye, friendly skies.
No layovers? You got it.
Of course, sometimes it's worth the risk.
Think Mr.
Keach might be ready for a little dessert? Rangers are down by two.
They haven't played the same since Esposito hung 'em up.
- Thanks.
- Mm-hmm.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- Hey, pretty lady, what's your name? - Laura Holt.
- How about dinner? - How about "no"? She's crazy about me.
I'm so exhausted I can hardly walk.
Not me.
It's samba night at the Ramada.
- Don't you ever stop? - No! You gotta kiss a lot of frogs before you find yourself a handsome prince.
- Yeah, well, you would know.
- What is that supposed to mean? - Oh, come on.
- I'll catch you later.
I'm meeting my cousin for dinner.
I'll see you tomorrow.
- I have to make a call.
- What about the bus? I'll catch the next one.
Brown suede, leather handles.
Keep an eye out for it, old man, will you? Oh, excuse me.
Oh! - That man- - Get used to it, sweetheart.
It comes with the uniform.
- Good night, girls.
- Good night.
- Good night.
- See you in the morning.
Hi, babe.
What's happening? How did you get in here? Oh, the desk clerk and I go way, way back.
Out.
I don't think you're getting the message.
Oh, you gotta relax, baby.
Laura, do you have any- Don't let me interrupt.
Sally! Now listen, you sexist dog! I'm all ears.
I've had about all I can take of this assignment.
I've been pinched, pawed, clawed, manhandled- - What happened to you? - Merely a brush with death.
Let me see this.
Someone wanted to make damn sure that I didn't poke around that baggage claim area.
Well, it wasn't Lorraine or Sally.
They checked in with me.
And Wanda left the airport with Barry- that passenger with the investment company- so she's out.
We can certainly account for the whereabouts of young "Boff.
" Biff.
Sounds like a brand of car wax to me.
Which leaves Captain McBride or Freddy the flight engineer.
Hmm.
Splendid piece of deduction, Miss Holt.
Uh- Now that we've, uh, narrowed the focus of our investigation down what say we give the old gray matter a rest and call it a day, eh? Couldn't you get an unlisted number? - Hello? - Miss Holt? Oh, hello, Mildred.
Any luck on the I.
D.
on the body yet? It's right here on my desk.
Hold on a second.
Oh, Miss Holt, have I got an I.
D.
for you.
Miss Holt? Marvin Slaughtman here.
We've come up with four aliases on the body in question.
- Four? - I'll handle this, Marvin.
What's important is, the guy's real name is Johnny Belden.
- Johnny Belden? - Yeah.
He's a contract killer, Miss Holt- a hired gun.
Cool it, Marvin.
Now, according to my research, Belden works out of Manhattan.
- I found that out, Miss Holt.
- No one cares, Marvin.
Besides, I found out about his trademark.
- What trademark? - A pair of bullet holes at the base of the neck.
Yeah, it's like his signature.
You see, the Organized Crime branch of the N.
Y.
P.
D.
says- That tears it.
Will somebody please tell me what's going on? I guess we were cut off.
Now, what is a big-league hit man doing on the baggage carousel of Platinum Air? Not much, I presume.
Laura- I'm much too weak to move tonight.
Perhaps I'll just pitch my tent here, eh? Recharge your batteries, so to speak? Mmm.
I'm sorry, Mr.
Steele.
Company policy, remember? You wouldn't want me to lose my job.
Wish I weren't so damned dedicated.
- Sweet dreams.
- Mmm.
Laura's been a naughty girl.
Has anyone ever told you you're incredibly obnoxious? Careful, sweet cheeks.
Better be nice to the old "Bifferino," or I might spill the beans.
What beans? Breaking training, passenger in your room.
Put a sock in it, Boff.
Biff.
And this is the cockpit.
Fascinating tour, Miss Maywood.
- First time with us, Mr.
Keach? - No, indeed.
I jetted in yesterday.
Didn't I see you last night? Not unless you were at the Garden, Mr.
Keach.
Rangers played the Oilers.
My Rangers- I don't miss them for nothin'.
Must be the uniform.
Perhaps it was Captain McBride, eh? No? No, of course not.
What am I talking about? Well, thank you very much.
Carry on.
Good day.
It's just a glass.
I guess I'm a little shaky these days.
It's that passenger Barry Holder, isn't it? How do you know about Barry? I saw you two at the airport last night.
- Oh, please don't tell anyone, Laura.
- Look, Wanda what's between you and Barry is none of my business, but if you ever- Let's move it, ladies.
We've got passengers with empty glasses out there.
Laura, stay away from Biff, or somebody might just clip your wings.
Oh! Oh.
- Your club soda, sir.
- Thank you.
Anything to report back here? - Salmon's a trifle salty.
- Anything else? Freddy appears to have an alibi.
I bet McBride's our man.
Mmm! Miss, this is a lime.
I wanted a lemon.
But you asked for a lime, sir.
Yes, but now I want a lemon.
Aren't you carrying this a little too far? Oh, just thinking of our cover, Laura.
- Oh! - Oh! I'm terribly sorry.
How clumsy of me, sir.
Here.
Let me get you a napkin.
Excuse me.
I hope Mildred's making some progress.
I'll make the coffee around here, Marvin.
Well, I really think Mr.
Steele would prefer tea.
Oh, listen to the expert.
He's been here Remington Steele Investigations.
- Remington Steele Investigations.
May I help you? - Go ahead, please.
- He hung up, bright guy.
- Well, I answered first.
I hope you're proud of yourself.
All right, you two- neutral corners.
Marvin, in there.
Mildred, in my office, please.
- But I- - Now.
Mr.
Slaughtman is history.
Break it to him any way you want.
Hmm.
Okay.
I'm sorry, Miss Holt, but if that pip-squeak's gonna be here- Marvin has been terminated, Mildred.
Oh? Good.
Now, have you come up with any reason why someone may have wanted to smuggle a dead hit man onto the airplane? Bupkes.
Well.
As soon as Mr.
Steele is through we'll get to the bottom of it.
Marvin, my boy, there comes a time in every relationship a critical phase, when a gap, uh- sometimes a vast chasm- develops.
Oh! Sorry, sir.
That means the alterations on your new suit have been completed.
I'll pick it up right away.
Oh, incidentally, your haircut is at 4:00 tomorrow.
Oh, and by the way, the theater was sold out for Saturday night but I persuaded the manager to give you the V.
I.
P.
box.
Sorry to interrupt.
Oh, not at all, Marvin.
Not at all.
No, uh- No.
As I was saying sometimes chasms aren't as vast as they seem.
Uh, carry on.
Yes.
V.
I.
P.
box, eh? Huh.
Yeah.
How did he take it? Fairly well, under the circumstances.
- When is he leaving? - Six to eight weeks.
- What? - Every employee needs decent notification, Laura.
Is Mr.
Steele here? - He just left.
- You just missed him.
Can I help you? No, I don't think so.
Perhaps I can be of some assistance.
I am Mr.
Steele's personal attaché.
Yeah? - Alan Bentley, Time Magazine.
- Mildred Krebs.
We're doing a report on the country's leading detective agencies.
You know, the biggies.
Could be my first cover.
You sure Mr.
Steele isn't here? - Gone with the wind.
- Gosh.
That's too bad.
I really wanted to include the Steele Agency in my report but I've got a deadline.
Perhaps we can chat in my office.
You don't have an office.
I really have to talk to somebody in the know.
I need facts, background.
Background? I can give you background.
I've been here since the beginning- Well, almost the beginning.
Let's say since the end of the beginning.
Hit the road, junior.
Bingo.
Trevor! What are you doing here? - I developed a sudden thirst.
- Oh.
You know, I'm a sucker for a man in uniform.
Oh, yeah? I've always wondered what life is like in the cockpit.
Baby, I could write a book.
I'm an avid reader.
What say we start the first chapter? Come on, Trevor.
Why don't you let me throttle your engines? Afraid I'm out of gear.
I can fix that.
Excuse me just a second, will you please? Take a hike.
- Gladly.
- Get lost, Carl.
Trevor's more man than you'll ever be.
He's sensitive.
Oh, yeah? Actually, Carl, I can be quite callous.
All right.
Do we all feel better now? You're gonna love theJacuzzi.
Sounds delicious.
No! You make a perfect couple.
Been with Platinum long? Couple of months.
So how do you like that London route? Real bear, huh? Absolutely.
You know, it's funny.
We don't have a London route.
What kind of a game are you up to, Miss Private Detective? You're the one who's going to need some answers- like why you killed Johnny Belden.
- I don't know anyJohnny Belden.
- You knew him well enough to stuff him in that duffle.
Hey, I had nothing to do with that.
Sure, and I'll bet you didn't know he was a contract killer either.
Wait-Wait-Wait a minute.
- It's all over, McBride.
- Oh! - Nice work.
- What kind of thanks is that? He was about to tell me everything.
Oh, pardon me for trying to save your neck.
Now what's this all about? - Brisket? - Pastrami.
- Ah.
- It's worth a fortune in Honolulu.
Honolulu? Did you ever try to get a decent pastrami sandwich in the islands? Ugh.
Tastes like cardboard, and you pay through the nose.
So me and my buddy- We got this idea.
See, I fly New York, L.
A.
He flies L.
A.
, Honolulu.
So we figured, why not ship the real thing- the freshest, juiciest pastrami in New York City- direct from the Big Apple to Waikiki.
- Hmm.
- You've been using Platinum Airlines to smuggle black market pastrami? Uh-huh.
Cuts through a lot of red tape.
And the savings on freight is unbelievable.
Of course, we pass most of that on to our distributors.
Just how profitable is this fly-by-night operation? On pastrami, about 30,000.
Of course, the margin's about twice that on macs.
"Macs"? Macadamia nuts- Oahu, New York.
Tax-free, of course.
I suppose you're the one who gave me the free ride on the baggage express, eh? I'm sorry about that, but I was just protecting my investment.
- I mean, you can imagine when I saw that headline.
- What headline? You told me you'd be discreet.
Is this your idea of discreet? To be brutally honest with you, Ace- It's- It's all part of Mr.
Steele's plan to flush out the killer.
- It is? - Oh, absolutely, yes.
Elaborate, will you, Miss Holt? Yes.
Well- For security reasons, we, uh- We couldn't even let you know how close we've come to breaking this wide open.
Precisely.
Now that the trap has been set it's only a matter of hours before we reveal the guilty party.
Now you sit tight.
Don't breathe a word to anyone.
You can count on me.
By gum, Steele you're as good as they say you are.
Ha.
Speaking of guilty parties.
He said he was from Time Magazine.
He even talked in short sentences.
How was I supposed to know he was just a local reporter? You might have asked for his credentials, Mildred.
If you had been here, boss, you would have- "Secretary Tells All.
" Mildred, how could you? - Marvin was making me crazy.
- We're not talking about Marvin.
What is this, an inquisition? So I made a mistake.
Big deal.
"Big deal"? You've totally blown our cover.
And you've totally blown my authority in this office.
Oh, really, Mildred, I don't think this is the time- I bust my chops for you, and what thanks do I get? You bring in twinkle toes over here.
Oh, I can see the handwriting on the wall.
I've got some of my own.
I quit.
- Do something.
- She'll be back.
Mmm? See? - It's me, Mildred.
Open up.
- Nobody home.
Hey.
That's cheating.
All's fair- So what do you want? I think you know what I want what Miss Holt wants.
- I'd like to hear it.
- We want you back.
I don't think so.
Mildred- I apologize.
I'm really sorry.
Would you at least do me the courtesy of looking up while I grovel? - I don't want you to grovel.
- Tell me what you do want then.
How about a little respect for one? - You've always had that, Mildred.
- Oh, yeah? Then how come when you look at me, you only see someone to fetch your coffee or make your appointments? Oh, I know why you brought Marvin in.
Because lately I'm spending more time at the agency business and you miss your personal attention.
You were so winning as the adoring subordinate, Mildred.
Well- We can't turn back the clock.
And I learned your secret in London and it's just changed my outlook.
I see.
Is my secret really that meaningful? I mean, we're a team- the three of us.
You, Miss Holt, me.
Let's not break that up.
Look.
Before I signed on as your majordomo I was a member of the I.
R.
S.
fraud squad, remember? It's very discouraging to find out that I have more qualifications for your job than you do.
Well, I may not have had the formal training, Mildred, but- I figure that if you can play detective I can play more than pencil pusher, and that's that.
So that's it? There's nothing else I can say to get you back? - I wouldn't go quite that far.
- Oh.
But there have to be some changes.
- Ah.
- Minor changes.
- Flexibility is our motto.
- Well- Let's see.
Uh- Oh, nah.
We'd have to run this by Miss Holt anyway.
Mildred, I guarantee.
From now on, the buck stops right here.
Fire away.
Please, go ahead.
Well, eventually I'd like to get my private investigator's license.
- Splendid notion.
- Which means I'd have to be - much more involved in our cases.
- You will? You have to apprentice for three years before you can even apply for a license.
Three years.
Whoo.
Hey, listen, Mildred, go for it, hey? I figure that if I'm going to be more valuable to the agency that should be reflected in my salary, don't you think? Oh, absolutely.
Say, uh, another $50 a week? Fifty? - A hundred? - Aha.
Done- - And you'll tell Miss Holt? - Uh- Oh, the moment I see her.
Yes.
Ooh! Speaking of the devil.
Come on in.
Mildred, you look like the cat that just swallowed the canary.
Does this mean you're coming back? Are you kidding? Of course I'm coming back.
- Boss? - Eh? Oh, Miss Holt.
Nice to see you, Laura.
Hi.
How ya doing? - What are you doing here? - It just came over the news.
A body washed up onshore in San Pedro- two bullet holes at the base of the neck.
Belden's trademark.
Let's get down there right away.
- Chief? - Later, Mildred.
It seems that the ghost of our contract killer just claimed another victim.
Coming, Miss Holt.
Not a moment to lose.
Yes, coming.
Yes.
- Interesting color.
- Spent the last few nights in a kelp bed.
Still be down there if that fishing trawler hadn't dragged him up.
- Any luck with an I.
D.
? - No, no.
No prints.
His fingers nibbled away.
- Nibbled? - By what? Well, there's lots of things down there that nibble.
You should have seen the guy they brought in here last week.
His fingers wasn't the only thing that was missing.
Would you skip the inventory, Bert? May I? Hmm.
Any idea how long he was down there? I'd say from the state of decomposition at least four days.
Well, that's it for me.
Any questions for you, Mr.
St- Mr.
Steele? Try this on for size.
Somebody hires a contract killer to murder whomever's in the morgue and then decides to get rid of the contract killer as well.
Yes, but which crew member hired the killer in the first place, and why? Thought you'd need a refill.
- Oh, thank you, Mildred.
- Okay.
There you go.
- That's fine.
- Okay.
Well, let me know if you need anything else.
She seems awfully spry today.
Oh, yes.
No doubt she's just delighted to be back among us.
Uh, I was thinking, Laura- What if Belden- our contract killer- was blackmailing the fellow who hired him? Then the fellow who hired him would have to get rid of Belden as well.
- Not bad.
Not bad.
- Hmm? I hate to disturb you, but Sally Devon is on Line 1 for Miss Holt.
Is there something wrong with the intercom? Oh, no.
No, I just thought you'd appreciate the personal touch.
Anything else, boss? Not yet, Mildred.
Well, I'm here if you need me.
What exactly did you tell her? Uh, here you go.
Laura Holt.
Uh- Start at the beginning.
How long ago? We're on our way.
That was Sally.
Wanda called, and she's hysterical- something about a life-and-death emergency.
Where does Wanda fit into this puzzle? - Mildred, we'll be at Wanda Sutton's apartment.
- Right.
Later, Mildred.
Well, I guess this is good-bye.
Guess so.
Listen, I didn't realize how important you are to this organization until Mr.
Steele spelled it out for me.
- Spelled what out? - Well, right after you left he explained how irreplaceable you are how there's really no need for an intern in this office.
- The boss said that? - Yeah.
Can't you get another internship? Too late for that now.
But I'm young.
I'll bounce back.
Maybe I'm not cut out for this anyway.
That's not true.
All you need is a little seasoning from a real pro.
- Yeah.
- Pull up a chair.
Wanda? What's going on? In the neighborhood, Miss Maywood? I live two doors down.
- Any luck? - Well, either she's not home or she can't answer the door.
- All right.
Stand back.
- Wait.
! I got a key.
Come on, Sal.
It was a long time ago, huh? Wanda? Wanda? - So where's Wanda? - Coming through.
Stand aside.
Mildred, this is not the time to- No, boss, we got the lowdown on that stiff.
Well, actually Mildred did most of the research.
Oh, don't sell yourself short, Marvin.
You did a lot of the groundwork.
Would one of you please tell us what you found out? That guy was an S.
E.
C.
investigator on the trail of a massive Wall Street investment scam.
And the company he was investigating- Holder Investments, owned by Barry Holder.
He's the passenger who was having the affair with Wanda.
I knew there was something strange going on here.
I'll bet she discovered what he was up to.
If that's true, we'd better find her before Barry does.
Come on.
Let's go.
You want me to ground all flights? - Do you want to catch a killer? - Gotcha.
Your intuition better be right on this one, Laura.
If I were a stewardess and I wanted to leave town fast I'd deadhead out on the first available flight.
Let's hope we don't give new meaning to the word.
Shall we? - Not here.
- Okay.
The cockpit.
- Oh, not you again.
- Wanda Sutton- - I swear, I never touched her.
- Look.
McBride, old man, we're gonna need a lift.
You're damn right I'll take the responsibility.
You give that pilot any clearance he wants.
- Hold it steady, McBride.
- Where are you going? Gonna get a breath of fresh air.
Happy landings.
Let me get this straight.
- This guy Barry really was using my airline as a meat wagon? - That's right.
He masterminded an investment fraud worth millions.
Your well-heeled clientele were perfect pigeons.
But when Barry found out there was an S.
E.
C.
agent on his tail he decided to hire a contract killer to dispose of the problem.
Two bullet holes in the back of the neck.
Then he had innocent Wanda smuggle the body on board your airplane.
Wanda had no idea what was in that duffle.
The body of the S.
E.
C.
man arrived here in Los Angeles Barry claimed the body and dumped it in the ocean.
- Why'd he do that? - To create the perfect alibi.
Barry's in New York.
The body washes up on shore here in L.
A.
When the contract killer got greedy Barry killed him and tried to pull off the same scheme.
Mmm.
And it would have worked, too if it hadn't been for your faulty baggage system.
Well, thank heaven for small glitches.
You know, I gotta admit I had my doubts about you, Steele - but you did a first-rate job.
- Oh, well, thank you.
You too, little lady.
Maybe I underestimated you.
- Why, thank you, Ace.
- Steele.
Oh! Why, that chauvinistic, overbearing- - Ready for home, boss? - Absolutely, Mildred.
Shall I bring the car around, Miss Krebs? - Go ahead, Marvin.
We'll meet you at the curb.
- Right.
He's a good kid.
I'm gonna tutor him on the side.
Listen, boss, I need to talk to you about vacation time.
Maybe I better wait till you've had your talk with Miss Holt.
- What talk? - Uh, now, Laura you know how fervently you wanted Mildred to return- - Mr.
Steele.
- how the agency wouldn't be the same without her.
Mr.
Steele? Let me put it another way, Laura.
At least we get to keep our offices.