Reporting for Duty (2023) s01e01 Episode Script

Beary Tough

[upbeat music plays]
[honking bike horn]
[indistinct chatter]
[siren beeps]
[indistinct chatter]
- Hello, sorry.
- Please wait your turn.
- You don't recognize me. Sorry
- Sh!
Look at the big shot trying to cut in line
by swinging his big gun around.
No, please. What big gun?
I've actually only got a tiny gun. Look.
The fuck is that, scumbag? Freeze!
- Freeze right there!
- No. It's fine, really.
- I I
- [man] Hands on your head.
- No, guys, it's fine.
- It's over, bro!
- Freeze, asshole! Shut up!
- Oh! Ah!
Oh my [groans]
- Shut your mouth, scumbag!
- It's shut! It's shut!
- Who the hell are you?
- Look in my wallet.
- It's right there. [groans]
- [woman] Just spit it out!
- Shut up!
- Shut it!
Founding member of Campo Manso's
Sandy and Junior Fan Club?
The wallet. The wallet! Ow!
- Scout Chief, first class?
- [man] No, keep looking.
- Talk, scumbag! Who the hell are you?
- Ah! It's inside my pocket. The
[woman] Are you the new precinct chief?
Yeah. Yeah. I am Chief Suzano.
[theme music plays]
[siren blares]
- [indistinct chatter]
- [bell dings]
Well, it's pretty straight forward, Chief.
You're there.
- We got the warehouse, kitchen, bathrooms.
- Okay, got it. Got it.
But there's only one,
so we follow the usual protocol.
You tap twice and tell everyone
you're going in to avoid any surprises.
Could you slow down maybe?
Because I haven't had a cup of coffee yet.
And by the way, question
Will there be
some kind of welcome party, you know?
Because, in Campo Manso, my hometown,
whenever a new employee starts,
we put a banner up,
like, "Welcome, Suzano."
Even just "Chief Suzano," you know?
- I'm afraid we don't offer that.
- Okay.
I'm gonna give it to you straight.
We don't waste our time in Rio, bro.
- Shit be gettin' real over here.
- You nuts, Estevão?
We've been in Rio a day
and you're already one with the wild.
Or you've been watching Elite Squad, huh?
This right-hand man of yours
is aware he's just an office clerk?
Data entry, transcription?
He's either gonna work from a chair
or from the toilet seat, right?
[Suzano] You don't want me to regret
bringing you with me, right?
This excited bumpkin is gonna snap out
of his action-movie fantasy any minute now
and realize this is just a police station
just like any other.
We've all become officers to solve
Internet crimes, to resolve arguments,
a missing bird or something. [chuckles]
And we solve
a few more heinous felonies, right?
Shall we go?
This here is our lucky charm.
The ammo
that our team's used over the years.
1,230 bullets here.
1,231, baby.
- Pardon me, Mantovani.
- [Estevão] Yeah.
This here is the Hallway of Glory.
These are
all the former chiefs of this precinct.
Wow, that's Interesting.
Very kind of you all.
You got the day they started
and the day they left. Is that right?
Yeah, if you're saying
the day they left their bodies.
There are stars and crosses
on all of them.
I think they're all dead, aren't they?
01/01/1973- 11/02/2018
Or no?
For sure.
Out of curiosity, any of these men
who are up on the walls still alive?
Yes, your predecessor over here,
Chief Azevedo.
- Ah! Whoa, handsome.
- Hmm. He's fine.
But he's on medical leave since he got
shot in an operation against the mafia.
So nobody got through it
without getting shot?
You start, take a bullet,
and end in the hallway of death?
- It's actually the Hallway of Glory.
- Estevão!
This is the Slot Machine Mafia's work
through and through.
They have a terrible habit
of hunting down all our station chiefs.
- But that's why you're here now.
- For getting shot by the mafia?
Exactly, but the other way around,
because you managed
to capture the mafia's attention
by arresting one of their members.
So of course you were assigned here,
because you can't work from home
in Campo Manso, right?
- He could. He has a computer
- Please shut up, Estevão.
I'm very grateful, Inspector.
The tour was great.
Now Estevão and I
have a few things to do in the office,
so if you'll just excuse us.
- Okay.
- [Suzano] Estevão.
Here, Estevão.
[curious music plays]
Estevão, what is this place?
Is it a station or a horror film set?
What kind of promotion have I gotten here?
I left a quiet existence in Campo Manso
for a station where eight chiefs
who've been murdered?
Chief, it's not eight.
It's actually nine.
- No way! I won't end up the 10th. I'm out.
- But wait! Hey!
[Suzano] Uh
[siren beeps]
Uh, uh uh
Nothing some glue wouldn't fix,
for sure, right?
[Mantovani] Jesus Christ, Chief.
Glue isn't gonna work with your luck.
No way.
That looks like
one seriously bad omen, Chief.
No, are you nuts?
No, Suzano's been getting
blessings from Chiquinha The Healer.
Yeah, maybe Tijuca's a bit outside
of her service area, Estevão.
I know, but, like,
Campo Manso isn't even that far.
Wow, you should be begging Chiquinha
to expand her coverage, because
Medeiros misplaced
the station's lucky rabbit's foot and
[bell tolls]
01/01/1973- 02/11/2018
Nothing's been going
my way today, Estevão.
Maybe let's clean up, huh? Ow!
- So sorry. I'm clumsy.
- Wow!
[man] Hey, Zuleide,
something broke over here.
I have a feeling this chief
is a big old coward, man.
I bet 20 he won't make it a week
in the 8th precinct.
How about you, old man? You in?
Who you calling old? I'll keep the "man."
And really "coward,"
it's a bit inappropriate, don't you think?
But I got 50 bucks
that says our chief, Fat Ass,
will be back on the street in a week.
Guerra, you in?
I say till Carnival, but just because
I wanna see his fat butt shake.
And you, Wi-Fi?
Put two days for me,
one for each of those cheeks.
- [Suzano] No, don't worry.
- Nice bet. [chuckles]
But when I ask you to buy a ticket
for my church raffle, no one has anything.
God's watching, folks.
[indistinct chatter]
Can I please have your attention?
Just a minute? I've just gotta, uh
- [overlapping chatter]
- Excuse me. Just a minute.
Guys? Just a minute, guys? Oh.
- Ah.
- [Suzano] Uh
- Quiet, please.
- Quiet down, you second-graders!
Yeah, the secret is projecting your voice.
You're right there.
Well, I've had a fair amount
of theater training in Campo Manso,
right, Estevão? It It's just
that I didn't do a vocal warm-up,
but I'll do it now.
Saquinho de pipoca.
There's coffee! Mm-hmm.
There's coffee! Mm-hmm.
Pata, peta, pita, pota, Sabrina.
Pata, peta, pita, pota, Sabrina.
You know, uh, you gotta
work the diaphragm, really.
Uh, I'd like to go on
Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo
[Suzano] Is Tijuca being invaded?
Is this how you say
happy Friday around here?
No, we've got a raid on the mafia.
Operation Nest of the Mafagafos
will begin in a minute,
so the special forces have rolled in.
- Move it, you bastards!
- Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo!
[all] Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo
Oh, hey, inspector, one more thing.
Operation Nest of the Mafagafos?
Yeah. Yeah, man, because it's about
a nest of six Mafagafos
commanded by the great Mafagafo boss,
who'll get un-mafagafied
by the un-mafagafiers of the PD.
[romantic music in Portuguese plays]
- You there, Chief?
- Uh, sure, yeah. All good, yeah.
- Let's move it then.
- Please, after you.
Don't wait for me.
You go right ahead, really.
But I'll wait for the one in charge.
Ivone's coming too? Good, she's big
on big shows, so that'll be good.
No, no, I was talking about you.
I mean the operation's
to welcome you, Chief Suzano.
Wow, that's a pretty incredible offer,
but, um
Though, maybe in the future,
you might consider some snacks.
Or that banner
I mentioned before, "Welcome, Suzano"?
- Come on. Let's go.
- I'm obligated?
Of course.
First, I've gotta stop by the office.
I forgot
- What's in the office, Chief?
- There's stuff I need.
- What is it you forgot?
- So I've got everything
- Do you need it? Want me to get it?
- I'll get it. It's my office.
- Tell me!
- Just let me get it!
Please, I beg you, just a sec.
One minute, one moment, okay?
Uh-uh, no, no.
I'm sorry. You've gotta get out.
I have to open the cafeteria
after church today.
You don't wanna know
what a bunch hungry Christians can do.
Well, a chief-murdering mafia
sounds so much worse,
so I guess I'll try my luck, huh?
What? Our friars would beat the hell
out of those stinking, petty criminals.
I don't suppose they offer
services as bodyguards, Zuleide?
- No, my name is
- [Suzano] What?
- [Zuleide] Aw!
- Aw, what?
Aw, I've never heard my name correctly
out of a chief's mouth.
Ah. [chuckles]
And for that, I'll give you some advice,
you blessed soul.
- [Suzano] Uh-huh.
- Vigilance, brother.
because no one here has faith in you.
But you should also know
that there's a bet on.
Between us though,
do you think they're wrong?
Because let's face facts.
All the chiefs who work here
end up dead pretty quick.
"A thousand shall fall at thy side
and ten thousand at thy right hand,
but no evil shall visit thee."
Now you'll begin to feel
the courage rising up in you.
There is something rising.
Yeah, I feel it.
Glory to God! Now do you feel it?
Yeah, yeah, I think so.
- Glory to God! You feel it?
- No, no, and actually I peed a little.
[clears throat] I'm sorry, ma'am.
[action music plays]
No, thank you.
Where's your vest?
Oh no! I've got no vest. I can't go.
I mean, we don't want the precinct to
get fined for a lack PPE.
Azevedo's will fit you fine.
[Suzano] Yeah, yeah, but it didn't work
Is that what I think it is?
No need to answer, actually.
- Uh, Inspector, just one minute.
- [Mantovani] What is it?
- [Suzano] It's just that I
- You gotta go now?
Exactly, I've gotta [clears throat]
[Mantovani] A bathroom break right now?
I'm changing my bet, okay, Rabecão?
I'm sure the fat ass
will be gone by tomorrow.
Whoa! What are you doing?
Get down. You're gonna get hurt.
Brilliant, Estevão!
Do you think if I twist my ankle
I'll be off the hook?
Off the hook?
But you're the big hero of Campo Manso.
You arrested the mobster Serrote.
Yeah, but it didn't go down
the way people are saying.
Diggy, diggy, joy, diggy, joy, popoy ♪
Oh, something's wrong. Hey.
- Oh, my battery.
- [engine sputters]
[curious music plays]
I'll just charge it a bit.
[man] Who's there?
- I'm not afraid of you!
- Oh God! Oh! Oh God!
[suspenseful music plays]
I'll take you down! Hear me, asshole?
[man grunts]
Ah. Here.
It's Serrote the mobster.
I'll save you. Just promise
you won't wake up. Don't wake up. Sh!
There's no hero here, just a fraud.
Oh man, that isn't true.
You'll fit in soon with these people,
and no one'll remember that.
- I don't want to fit in with these guys.
- I know, but you've gotta.
Look at them, Estevão. How could I?
I mean, there's no way.
It's like, come on.
Oh man. Did the fucking stitches
have to open up now?
I'm gonna throw up, Estevão.
Did you see that?
- Chief.
- [Suzano] Hey.
You know everyone is waiting, right?
Yeah, no,
it's because I don't eat my fiber.
- Let's get going then, Chief.
- [Suzano] Okay.
You stay right there.
- Adios, Estevão.
- [Estevão] Oh.
Guess I'll just stay here
and be all alone.
"A thousand shall fall at thy side
and 2,000 at my side" Two thousand?
I can't remember it really. What was it?
Am I really seeing this with my own eyes?
Nobody has helped this poor lady yet?
Yeah, I've been saying that
for two whole hours already, you know.
My arthritis is killing me, by the way.
Don't worry. I'll personally be
taking care of your problems, ma'am.
- A pleasure, Chief Suzano.
- Yolanda.
Ah. How can I help, Yolanda?
I purchased a little gift for
my granddaughter, but it was defective.
The seller's a crook
and won't take it back. Can't return it.
- We're not Fraud Protection, ma'am.
- Hey, Inspector!
Your footprint is on Ms. Yolanda's shirt.
That was such a harsh kick in the gut.
The elderly also have rights, you know.
- But what is it you bought exactly?
- Hmm.
- [squeaks]
- Look.
[Suzano] Dear Lord!
This bear is an abomination. Look at him.
Look here,
above the little cherries.
- They must've used a cheap sewing machine.
- [Yolanda] I see.
And right here, look, in the back.
It was just hand-stitched
and not by any expert.
You can see it. Unmistakable.
- [Mantovani] Tough case, right, Chief?
- Mm-hmm.
Feel you've got this or do you think
you might need some backup?
Good idea, Inspector Mantovani.
I'm assigning two agents to help out
on this mission, yeah?
So please, have we got any volunteers
to be of help with this case here? Anyone?
Well, since no one has volunteered,
I'll be forced to rely upon
our rigorous selection criteria
from Campo Manso.
Eeny, meeny, miny, moe.
Catch a tiger by the toe.
If he hollers, let him go.
Eeny, meeny, miny, moe.
Uh, uh my mother says
to pick the very best one
and that will be him.
Man, Chief, you caught the tiger.
Come on now.
- Why don't you catch it then?
- [Suzano] Estevão!
Those are the rules, so please, Rabecão,
you and Pardal come with me.
We're gonna solve Yolanda's case.
Inspector, you proceed
with the rest the group with your mission.
- Want me to wait? I can if you want.
- [Suzano] I don't wanna keep our guest.
- Eighth PD!
- Hoo!
Good luck. Good luck, everyone!
- Ta-da! How fantastic!
- [squeaks]
It's our very first mission together!
Very exciting!
All right, gents.
This here is a map the market.
Be on high alert, because you might find
some hippies in this area, around here,
selling their handicrafts.
Some the stuff is pretty nice.
Actually, if you find those table cloths
they have there,
could you pick one up for me, please?
- That's a good idea, yeah! A perfect idea.
- Right?
Because we'd avoid
stains on the table, you know?
But back to the matter
of the operation here.
You go in,
test it,
exchange it, and come on back here.
Pretty clear?
So you're assigning
two elite and heavy-duty cops
that are trained to solve
the worst crimes in Rio de Janeiro
just to accompany a frail woman
so she can go exchange
a teddy bear she got?
And to get a table cloth.
Don't forget that part.
[overlapping chatter]
- [Pardal scoffs]
- Should I write down the table cloth?
[bell dinging]
[overlapping chatter]
And what about us? What are we gonna do
while everybody's out there having fun?
Suppose we'll do what we did best
when we were in Campo Manso, hmm?
Let's solve a few cases.
Mr. Olavo alleges
that he's now aware of bombs
that were placed under Tijuca, right?
Girl, I'm just gettin' a bit frisky
with this really tall Viking dude.
Square jaw, you know? Thick, red beard.
And he robbed me. He took my wallet,
all while someone played the sax.
A natural redhead?
[woman crying and mumbling]
Well, I can't believe it!
That's crazy! Man, did you hear that?
I can't understand a word.
That's terrorism of the hair!
I mean, look! They burned her poor hair
on purpose with a flat iron.
- [mumbling]
- No, pull yourself together. You can't.
- She's planning to kill them.
- You understand what she's saying?
Yeah, of course, I was raised in a salon.
What was your name again?
Ah, Soraya Souza da Silva.
You too, Zuleide?
What do you have to report?
Last week, I found that that stray dog,
that heretic that lives in the warehouse,
that deviant,
gave birth to four new puppies,
so what am I supposed to do?
[bell dings]
Detection dogs, Mr. Olavo.
You just take good care of these guys,
and they can detect any bombs
within 130 miles, okay?
[dogs whimpering]
But hey, if you catch this culprit,
could you, please, like
could you, like, pass him my number?
- On it.
- Huh?
I'm giving you this lipstick,
crimson petal, as a gift.
But why am I doing this?
I'm doing this because it's gonna draw
all the attention to your lips.
- A new woman, I'm amazed! Look!
- [Estevão] You look really pretty.
See, Estevão. It looks like Tijuca is
no different than Campo Manso in the end?
- I've been saying that.
- Mmm.
Even the coffee. It's just as bad.
Jesus, it's even thick. Man. [gags]
[dance music plays on phone]
[clears throat]
What's up, guys?
'Sup there, Wi-Fi?
You pretending the system is down again?
[chuckles] I didn't have to, boss.
The chief was feeling bored, so he went
and solved every report that we had.
Anyway, how did the operation go for you?
You seem a little light on the slots.
Where are they?
- The place was cleaned out, vacant.
- Vacant.
A waste time going there.
- No kidding?
- Yeah, all we got was this.
It was the only thing there.
You've got all that technical expertise,
computers, TikTok, and shit.
What is it?
This is a
Seems like an Axo X Turbo.
In plain English? What is it?
Uh, well, this is, um,
a graphics card for slot machines.
Look, it's a bit dirty, you know?
But it's real good stuff.
It's top of the line.
Seems these Mafiosos invested.
We were waiting for the chief to finish
what he was doing in the bathroom
and we could've made the bust.
Hey, what's with you?
That furry-ass, timid-ass
little chief fat ass
robbing my girl of her brilliant light?
- Yeah.
- Where's the cat?
Where's that champion, the beast?
Where's that [growls]
- It's here.
- Where's your [growls]
- [Mantovani] It's here.
- Where's the feeling?
- Go on.
- Yes, Inspector. Let's see it.
- Show me! Show it!
- [growls]
- Yeah!
- Ah, yes, that's it.
There, Inspector.
Look, Guerra's right on this.
I was hanging out here
and I did something.
It'll cheer you up for sure.
- Look. It's great.
- I'm not cheer-up-able.
- [Suzano] Ay!
- [dance music plays]
- You're a pretty tough broad.
- Yeah, I am. I am. Yeah. Yeah.
It's funnier
since you added the music, right?
- Pretty good, isn't it?
- Is there still a bet on it?
Yeah. Yeah.
[bell dings]
This guy won't last.
- What happened? What is all this? What?
- [Rabecão] Unload it, Alvarenga.
What is going on here, man?
What happened over there?
You just had to exchange a bear.
Ah! I'm on fire.
[Pardal] All of the bears are here
at the police station.
The seller's being questioned
in the interrogation room.
He's just gotta spill the beans
and rat out his homies
in this little smuggling operation.
- Let me go now!
- [Suzano] Yolanda! What
Can somebody please explain
what's going on?
- Hmm?
- Code 2315.
Receiving stolen goods.
The lady bought illegal merchandise.
Seriously, Rabecão? For Pete's sake,
would you just let her go? Let Yolanda go.
Yolanda is a frail, elderly woman!
Seriously, she's the victim here.
She could be your mother. Could be your
Could be your older sister, yeah?
I mean, she's just a frail, old lady.
- Ouch!
- [Pardal laughs]
Oh! Oh! Oh!
Oh! Wow!
- See why I cuffed her now?
- Uh-huh.
- Let's go, Pardal.
- The woman needs sugar water, please!
And bring me
a pack of ice as well, please,
because this hurts something awful.
Dang it all!
Man, got me with her arthritic hand.
[siren blares]
Well, if he quits tomorrow,
Pardal gets the money.
If he quits today,
it's all yours, Inspector.
Got the cash on you? Give it here.
Maybe we get him
a Teddy Ruxpin for a gift, huh? [laughs]
- What's a Teddy Ruxpin, man?
- It's from the good old days, kid.
Where'd he get that pistol?
From like the Baby's First Police Kit?
- [laughing]
- [Rabecão] It was seriously this big.
Make fun, but in the right hands,
a small pistol can
can be very dangerous.
Oh, yeah?
I mean he's the perfect chief to make
a case about kids who won't behave.
Watch out, scumbags,
'cause Chief Fat Ass won't rest
until you've made your bed
and picked up your room and
[siren beeps]
Chief Fat Ass, huh?
Excuse me.
[Pardal] Uh-huh.
You screwed up, Mantovani.
Boy! Man, you guys
failed to cover me there.
- To his face though? Seems unnecessary.
- He's a sweetie pie, you know, man?
[knock on door]
Come on in.
Uh, hey, can I discuss
a personal matter with you, Chief?
Uh, Certainly. Yeah.
Just fixing this little guy here.
Case of the day, right?
Maybe at the very least Yolanda's
granddaughter will have a happy ending.
[bear squeaks]
- Maybe.
- Chief.
would like to offer you
an apology for my actions
and to formally volunteer
for a week's suspension.
I won't suspend you, Inspector.
Is that all?
I have been trying to express myself
in a way that's
a little more more delicate, and
- [Suzano] Mm-hmm.
- And [clears throat]
I just wanna say to you, Chief,
that this is Tijuca. And Tijuca is
- It's no happy fairy tale.
- [Suzano] Mm-hmm.
And you're, you know,
just a little bit of a patsy.
- Patsy?
- So sorry, that came out wrong.
Sorry. You're really more a, uh, um
You seem like one, but
Well, I think you might wanna work on
the delicate thing there just a little.
Chief, with all due respect,
I just need to say
that Tijuca's
a very different kind of place
from what you're used to in Campo Manso.
Oh, yeah, I know! It was
pretty clear when I arrived, actually.
I mean, reception full
of all kinds of folks getting no help
while you guys chased your tails
around the office.
Speaking of rear ends,
since I'm a fat ass,
what was it you said, Inspector? How long?
The suspension? A week, sir.
[sighs] No, I mean the pool.
How long did you give me, Inspector?
- [Mantovani] The bet?
- Mm-hmm.
- It was 24
- [Suzano] Twenty-four days?
Look, Inspector,
I may actually be a fat ass.
But I just believe that, in the end,
the broken teddy bears deserve love,
whether in Campo Manso or here in Tijuca.
It's always about who your community is.
That's our whole job, Inspector.
[alarm blares]
Oh! Mmm, shit! What's happening here?
- This look a bit like a
- A bit like an Axo XT Turbo.
Oh, I was worried. Thought it was
a slot machine card, you know.
Chief, it's a graphics processor.
Top the line. Those teddy bears
are carrying boards for the mafia!
- Oh my God.
- [laughs]
Man, well done.
You're not an idiot at all.
Now everybody'll know
how the new chief outsmarted the mafia!
No, it was a team effort.
Everybody went and pitched in.
- No, I insist, sir.
- Oh my goodness. Oh.
- Eighth PD, baby!
- A-hoo!
[unenthusiastically] Eighth PD, baby
[romantic music in Portuguese plays]
My dear friends,
I'd like to introduce you all
to the new mascot and lucky charm
who will stand for our new PD.
The stuffing! The stuffing is coming out.
Hang on.
Uh hey you hmm
Well, our luck is gonna turn around
any minute now. [clears throat]
So let's continue
the formalities this evening.
Estevão, if you please, terms the post?
Much obliged.
Estevão, if you please, a pen to sign.
A squishy alien pen?
Yeah, it's the pen you had in Campo Manso.
No, but do you have another one, Estevão?
I can go get the Sandy pen.
No, Estevão, that's our thing.
You don't have to say it out loud.
Do you understand?
- Just forget it. Stop it.
- Are you embarrassed?
- [clears throat]
- Touchy.
If it be for the good
and the general happiness of Tijuca,
tell all the masses I will stay here.
Applaud the Chief
or plan to work a shift on your birthday.
Uh, fine, fine, fine.
Uh, Rabecão,
if I'm not mistaken, you're the one
collecting the money for the bet?
What's the max time I've got
right now to be here?
Until Carnival, Chief.
Okay, 200 bucks and we'll say
that, on Ash Wednesday,
I'll still be here, hear me?
Hey there, Chief. Someone left this here
at the door for you.
[Suzano] Must be for a cardiologist
with an office nearby?
It looks like a card from the mafia.
Mantovani, you're paranoid.
For the love of God, look at that.
Come on. It's a stamp. That's all.
I mean the mafia wouldn't bother.
Hold this, Estevão.
There's a card, even. Very nice.
Aw, man, so sweet.
"For the new Chief, Suzano,
your grave is dug and I'm coming for you."
[ominous music plays]
After capturing Serrote and seizing
the teddy bears with the graphics cards,
the mafia's in real pain.
- Now it's war!
- A-hoo!
Where's the 8th PD?
Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!
I'm gonna die.
- Huh?
- I'm gonna die!
No, you can't,
because I'll miss you if you do.
[theme music plays]
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