Reporting for Duty (2023) s01e02 Episode Script

Good Cop, Better Cop

[upbeat music plays]
God almighty! Come on!
What the hell, Rabecão?
You trying to scare me to death
so the mafia can't get me or what?
Calm down, Chief.
We've gotta figure out this wreath
the mafia mailed you.
Yeah, an important issue.
Cloned card, online purchase,
it's impossible to track.
Sometimes that's par for the course.
Unfortunate for us. I'm really upset.
But no one can say we didn't try.
Ow. [chuckles]
Ah! [chuckles]
You've been working out, huh?
No one can say we didn't try, right?
We gotta focus on what's important now.
And that's birthdays of the month.
Can we get their profile pictures
so we can blow them up large?
We'll put them on the wall.
Show them we value them,
and it'll look good.
You know, I think folks are gonna love it.
The Slot Machine Mafia is pretty wild.
Do you remember what they did
to that car that Chief Perrone had?
I'm guessing maybe they painted it
or detailed it
or added some neon running lights.
Yeah, more like
they turned it into Swiss cheese.
- [mimics machine gun]
- Please don't make that sound.
No, the worst was the bomb
they put under Chief Meirelles' chair.
Oh, he survived,
but he peed crooked forever.
No, no, you're wrong, Guerra. The bomb
was under the chair in, um, Amorim.
Ah! Of course, yeah.
Meirelles was found in pieces.
It looked like some kind
of true crime drama you'd see on Netflix.
A huge cut like that,
in the direction of the nerve.
- A beautiful thing, huh?
- Mmm. Want some melon?
I lost my appetite somehow.
What's the mafia
got against police chiefs anyway, huh?
I'm so glad you're here.
I've got a little gift for you.
And there's even a note.
- "A surprise for the hero chief."
- [ticking in box]
A moment of joy
for a change of pace around here.
- Not everybody wants to kill the chief.
- [Suzano] That's true, isn't it?
What is it? Huh?
- It's a bomb! It's a bomb!
- [clamoring]
[Guerra screams]
- Just give it to me
- [Suzano] Oh my God!
[suspenseful music plays]
[alarm ringing]
- I can't believe you punted the bomb.
- That's just proper procedure.
In case of a bomb,
you gotta isolate the artifact.
No way you read the manual.
There's no way.
It's an alarm clock.
There was a note in the box.
- [Rabecão] What do you think, Pardalzinho?
- [Pardal] Hey, that was awesome, man.
"For my Suzi, who should be having
a coffee and cake
at the right time every day."
"Big kiss, Mommy."
- [all chuckle]
- [Estevão] See? That wasn't a threat.
You got jam on my shirt, man.
- Oh my God.
- And now it's on my face too.
Hey, somebody bring a napkin
for Suzi here. [chuckles]
"Suzi Ticktock."
[chuckles] Come on, back to work.
Nothing to see here. Let's go.
Until today nobody was aware
that my nickname was Suzi, Estevão.
Well, now everybody knows, Chief Suzi.
You look stupid in that thing.
[theme music plays]
Wah, wah.
[siren beeping]
[eagle screams]
[door opens]
Hey! Miss Zuleide.
If you happen to see a dress shirt,
size large,
in the lost and found,
can you let me know?
But how come? You look magnificent, Chief.
Anyway, it's no use asking
for coffee today, okay, buddy?
Witness the results
of the heroic deeds of Rabecão.
Miss Zuleide, as my mother's friend
would say, back in Campo Manso,
"It's not the coffee maker that makes
the cup, but the maker of the coffee."
Sure, but as Pastor Reginaldo says,
a vessel of God, a pure man,
"Servants of the public good
without coffee are officers of Satan."
You know, have I ever told you
I was a Boy Scout?
You know, we never had
any coffee machines or anything like that.
We made do by using
our own socks as the coffee filters.
- Please, use mine.
- No way.
- Look! No, it's totally fine. It's clean.
- Over my dead body, Chief.
Listen, the hot water
is gonna kill all the germs inside.
- It's sterile.
- I won't do it.
- [door opens]
- [Guerra] Chief.
The inspector wanted me to tell you
the interrogation room is ready.
Perfect, Inspector Guerra.
That's just perfect.
Gather everyone in the briefing room.
I have an announcement
and I'm demanding
that everybody needs to hear it.
The coffee maker's broken.
- [all groan]
- What the heck?
- [Guerra] How do they expect us to work?
- Ugh.
Sir, this isn't urgent.
It's a coffee maker for God's sake.
What is urgent
is the interrogation of the guy
selling the teddy bears in our streets.
Uh, let's conclude this procedure
regarding the coffee machine,
and then you and I can head out.
Well, if we're in a bit of a rush,
I'll say I got the solution here.
This is the Coffee Turbo 3000.
It's the machine that's preferred by 11
out of ten influencers on the planet.
Listen, everything that comes out
of this devil's mouth costs four digits.
How do you propose we afford this, Pardal?
Don't we all make contributions each month
in case we have an emergency?
The Coffee Turbo has an adjustment
for roasting, for grain size,
and delivers a coffee
Does it deliver
the names of Tijuca's criminals or not?
Is that all
you can think about, Inspector?
Just give it a rest, huh? Please.
Pardal's solution has been presented.
Now, let's all please listen
to our dear Zuleide.
Guys, you have to consider
what my position is.
First, the coffee machine
works on its own.
- [Mantovani] You gotta be kidding me!
- Sure, but then, a self-washing floor.
Then a dishwasher.
What about something a bit a bit simpler?
Suzano, pretty soon I'll be replaced,
and then I'll be on the street.
- What will I do?
- [Suzano] Sh.
[Zuleide grunts]
[Suzano grunts]
Don't you worry.
No, no, no. It'll be all right. Okay?
Hey, Chief,
the street vendor's about to leave.
- Can we go and speak to him?
- You're totally right.
We'll put a pin in this for now.
Keep the topic alive. Keep me alive.
And what if we were to find
a bit more contemporary solution,
like a Zoom call?
- Use the technology in our favor.
- I really love this idea, boss.
Coffee Turbo is tech! Coffee Turbo is pop!
Coffee Turbo is the future!
Okay, it's settled, right?
We're good? End of discussion?
We gotta vote now, Inspector!
But first we have to vote whether we're
gonna use electronic or paper ballots.
- We're voting today?
- See, Inspector?
You interrupt the conversation
and then folks end up lost.
From the top, once more.
The coffee maker is broken.
- [Guerra] Ugh, idiot. We know that!
- [Pardal] Not again!
- [Rabecão groans]
- We were practically finished. Let's go!
[Mantovani screams]
Guess what that is.
- Caffeine withdrawal.
- [Mantovani] You gotta be kidding me!
[upbeat music plays]
- [woman] Excuse me.
- Oh.
Estevão, Estevão,
you really gotta check this out.
Ah, sorry, miss, I didn't see you there.
Hello. Chief Suzano. Can I help you today?
Counselor Dani, defense attorney.
Pleased to meet you.
If you hear of anybody
who might need representation
Ah, the coffee situation.
The coffee, really? You wanna sue
the coffee machine company? Really?
Because it was an old machine.
Thing is, Chief, Ms. Dani
appreciates a good cup of coffee,
so she'd be the perfect person
to convince everyone in the office
that we must have the Turbo 3000.
- Sorry, hey, sorry.
- Zuleide.
Hi. Do you happen to have
a minute to spare
to hear about the friendship?
The powder friendship.
That's a pretty bad name.
Due respect, Zuleide,
but the arguments that Pardal is making
are stronger and have my support.
Whoo! Make way for the Ground Grain train!
What's this?
- Are we at some kind of rally here?
- I apologize, Chief.
Just kidding. I love it!
Ha! That was great.
I love this sort of office competition,
these arguments!
Who's doing what, who's winning,
who's losing, all that.
[chuckles] Now, excuse me, Counselor.
Back to work.
This is a place of business.
Excuse me, Counselor.
I have some things to take care of
in there, there in my office.
Excuse me. Excuse me. [chuckles]
Well, in the event
you hear of any defendants
See you later.
Say the word, I'll defend that ass.
They're all just here, haunting
We'll do it fast.
Nobody will ever know about any of this.
Uh, Inspector, please.
I mean, speed isn't my particular problem.
I've been told I'm quite fast actually,
but I'm also your superior,
so I think it'd be unethical.
- He'll be watching?
- [chuckles]
- [Mantovani] What do you mean?
- He'll be participating.
That's a lot worse.
I'm actually quite shy.
We're gonna be interrogating him.
Oh! Of course, yeah.
That's why you
locked the two of us in here.
- For our interrogation.
- [Mantovani] Yeah. Yeah, that's right.
- Why? What did you think it was for, sir?
- Oh, no, nothing. Forget it.
We're finally here, with the witness
that could very well cause my demise.
What are you looking at?
- Man, I wish I could do it. I just
- How's six?
Fine. Get the man twelve pods, please.
Oh, and maybe a creamy cappuccino as well
to go with it.
Watch out, brother. Watch out.
The first taste is free
and double after that.
- [chuckles] Be on your way.
- Ah.
And I'll just be handing out flyers to
folks around the station, Counselor Dani.
[Suzano] Edmilson, street vendor,
is it of your own totally free
and consensual volition
to offer the Civil Police of Rio
mafiosos' names?
Come on, Inspector. He's playing hardball.
Well, nobody can say
we didn't do our best, huh?
We tried hard to find who in the mafia
wants me dead. Oh well. [grunts]
No one gets out of here
till we get a name.
[suspenseful music plays]
Uh, Inspector, just a second.
Can I have a word with you
over here, please? [clears throat]
With all due respect,
I know this type well.
He's a typical Cancer with his ascendant
in Capricorn and a Scorpio moon.
- I don't really get it.
- It just means he won't talk.
You don't understand.
Whatever they do to chiefs of police
ain't half of what they do to snitches.
You have my attention. Talk.
- Do you know about the tweezers?
- What?
Please, me and the tweezers
are pretty much in a relationship.
If I don't take care of this,
I'll be mistaken for Chewbacca.
[mimics Chewbacca]
From the movie, you know?
I'm talking about the way
the mafia tortures people.
They dip the tip of the tweezers
in alcohol
- My God.
- and put 'em where you don't want 'em.
Then they pull,
and you can't walk for two whole weeks.
You think
that's gonna scare off Chief Suzano?
Let 'em use tweezers
on every part of his body.
The chief is not gonna cower
before the mafia!
- Inspector? Inspector?
- Never! You hear?
Just a minute, there, Mister Edmilson.
Inspector, how is attempting to use
a somewhat different approach
to the whole matter, you know?
Different how?
Respecting his choice not to work with us.
- The tweezers are like
- Sh. Quiet, you.
[toilet flushes]
- Psst.
- [gasps]
[grunts] What do you want,
you gospel ninja? Jesus.
You have a candidate yet, sister?
I do, actually.
But you know something?
I'm open to new ideas.
I think that this offer could convince.
What do you think?
100% OFF
A voucher for a free waxing?
- Guerra, keep this between us, huh?
- Hmm.
Babes only, yeah?
With this, no matter what happens,
you'll still be able to enjoy
the benefits of a smooth bikini line.
And a hundred percent off, to boot.
- Like really, really smooth?
- [Zuleide] Really smooth.
Like a water slide?
[Zuleide] Like a water slide.
[bell dings]
Okay, I think we gotta break out
"good cop, bad cop" now.
Awesome idea. You know, I studied drama
when I was still out in Campo Manso?
- I've heard.
- Let's do it then. Break a leg.
- Okay. Follow my lead. Follow my lead.
- Wah. Weh.
No worries, it's the leather.
You seem a little nervous, Edmilson.
But there's no need.
We wanna help you out.
Some water sound good?
Maybe a cold soda? It's refreshing.
A cold beer sounds nice? Huh?
A little plate of cheese and meat,
you know?
[clears throat]
Buddy, you know how this works, right?
People do things for each other.
Give us a name and it'll be
a lot easier for us to help you out.
Hey, relax, huh? You look so tense.
Want a pillow? Show me your feet.
Give me your feet.
They must just be feeling awful, huh?
Come here. Come here now.
Ope la, la, la! Oh my. Easy.
Come on, bud. One more time. Easy.
Jeez, look at this.
Ah. It's so nice.
Man, you knock 'em off yourself?
Beautiful. Just craftsmanship you
Chief, a word
with you in private, please?
Certainly, certainly, yeah.
She's upset.
So good. I want a photo later
and ones just like 'em.
Come on. Jeez.
- And scene.
- What's the matter with you?
- What?
- What's the matter with you?
You were so good, I followed your lead.
We surfed the wave together.
You've got the bad cop thing
while I'm being good
No, I was supposed to be good cop, sir.
Oh, sorry, then I've gotta take it back.
I didn't see it at all.
You didn't smile. You didn't offer him
No, look, if you feel like being good cop,
you be good cop and I'll be bad.
- And it'll
- Sh.
Don't worry. If it's bad cop you want
it's bad cop you'll get.
Oh, oh, oh! You're gonna see
the worst cop ever.
Get ready.
[chuckles] Hey.
No more mister nice guy, buddy bear!
You want water?
It's from the sink and no ice cubes, huh?
Coffee? Mm-hmm.
I got bad news for you.
The machine is broken, buddy!
Wah! You're not in a spa,
you understand me, Edmilson?
No massages here!
Maybe just shiatsu
since it's a question of health, right?
Oh my God.
You must be in pain, man.
You got a huge knot back here.
I've been like this since they told me
they do that stuff with the tweezers.
- Man, that damn Soaked Rat told me he
- The Soaked Rat! That's a name. We got it!
I didn't mean to.
It's wild that that worked, sir.
Yeah, wild. Just wild.
You know, I can feel
the tweezers plucking already, so come on.
We got what we needed,
so give me the key.
[Suzano] It's time for us to head out
before things get worse.
Ah! Ah!
I just broke it off.
- Oh man, we're stuck. Help!
- Calm down, Sir.
Help! Ah!
I can't breathe. Can you two breathe?
[screams] Anyone! I'm claustrophobic!
- Calm down, Jesus.
- [Suzano] Oh my God, we're gonna die!
- That's a lot. Too much, really.
- Can anyone hear us? We're stuck in here!
For the love of God!
He's already kicked a bomb today.
Now the man goes
and puts an axe through the door?
- Don't they assess you for this?
- It's the proper procedure.
Yeah, for sure.
Proper procedure, all right.
Inspector, I think we're screwed now.
Now that he's gone and lawyered up,
he'll only talk in front of a judge.
Too bad for us, huh?
Let's go see who won for best coffee.
If you're really so distraught
over the situation,
I wonder why you were the person
who put in the phone call to Miss Dani.
Please, Inspector. After that display of
violence, are you really gonna blame me?
So aggressive that our boy peed
his pants here, he was so scared, really.
[Edmilson] That wasn't me.
You're the one who changed your pants.
[siren beeps]
- No, why would I
- Did you?
Uh, sh!
Don't you know it's impolite to eavesdrop?
Well, whatever went down,
it's pretty clear
his contact in the mafia is Drowned Rat.
But then again, what exactly makes a name?
For example, in Rio, we say "tangerine."
- What is it in Bahia?
- Mandarin.
- How about in Rio Grande do Sul?
- Clementine.
- And the scientific name?
- Citrus reticulata.
Well, that's my point. Need I say more?
Now, if you like,
you can take your client.
You want me to get you an Uber?
My rating is 4.98.
No, that's not necessary.
- My rating is 4.99.
- Wow!
Anyway he'll remain with you
in protective custody until the hearing,
and he could contribute more
should you want it.
But he might contribute more
by staying silent.
Fess up!
What else do you know about the mafia?
[Edmilson] I told you everything
that I know. Soaked Rat.
I'd be happy to say more if I knew it.
Twenty-three, twenty-four, twenty-five,
and that's victory for Ground Grain!
Hey, scumbag. Look at that.
I've got the same count. [laughs]
Oh, come on. That's impossible.
Only 25 people work here in total.
[sighs] It's a wonder
anyone still trusts paper ballots.
I don't adhere to monogamy.
I don't limit my world to the possibility
of one man, one woman,
much less one coffee.
Yeah, Pardal's vision was powerful.
But Zuleide's coupon was pretty convincing
as well, right? [chuckles]
Hey, you know what, folks?
We're getting the Coffee Turbo 3000
or my name isn't Pardal!
But your name isn't Pardal.
It's Alcibiades!
- Alcibiades?
- [Wi-Fi] Seriously?
- Give me that.
- [Zuleide] Ow!
Ugh. Oh, Zuleide, come on.
Is this for real?
A measly 19 bucks? You can't even buy
cheap conditioner for that amount.
- You can keep it. [scoffs]
- [Zuleide groans]
Today the sketch artist wasn't available,
unfortunately, so Guerra's gonna do it.
That's too bad. It really does
break my heart to hear that. Pity.
No, it's fine, Chief.
Guerra's got an MFA in visual art.
Come on, Edmilson.
Is the guy white or Black?
Hey, Inspector, whoa!
We all know that, in Brazil,
race is self-declared.
And Soaked Rat isn't here
to identify himself, so let's cool it.
- Could you?
- Okay.
How about the man's hair?
You're being incredibly rude right now.
Please don't respond to that question.
That's not how we do it.
If you'll permit me, I'll show you.
Edmilson, how long does the man usually
take to comb his hair in the morning?
A long time or short?
- We gotta find out how he looks.
- If he's hairless?
- Well, is he?
- What are you
Man, what are you doing? That's so rude.
Don't feel you gotta respond.
Sharing the deepest secrets
of a person who isn't here? It's shady!
I'll ask the questions.
Edmilson, tell me something.
Is Soaked Rat the kind of annoying person
who when you say "good afternoon"
will make a face and be like, "Actually,
good morning, we haven't had lunch"?
- Uh, yeah.
- [Suzano] Mm-hmm.
Another question,
does he like things clean
or does he often wear stuff that's sweaty,
unwashable, and really kind of stinky?
- Yeah, pretty sweaty, dress shirts.
- [Suzano] Mm-hmm.
- Does he blow often?
- Say what? Like how?
- Like his mouth. His mouth is like
- No, hey!
You have to get
your minds out of the gutter.
- Blow like blow off steam.
- Ah.
Does he like to go to bars, drink
a couple of beers, have a snack, you know?
Yeah, sure.
Very good. See?
Well, I think we have a bunch of info now,
don't we?
- Please, Miss Guerra, go right ahead.
- Yeah, I'm done, sir.
I'm done.
No, I mean, it's not perfect, sure.
I didn't have much to work with,
not a lot of time, but I did my best.
Nailed it.
That's amazing.
Elementary, my dear Inspector.
In Tijuca, a person named Rat
would most likely have bad teeth,
so I exaggerated his chompers like a rat.
Then of course, there was that thing
about the smelly shirts
that are all nasty and sweaty, you know?
- Yeah.
- So he must sweat buckets.
I mean, you know, probably that's why
"Soaked" is part of his nickname.
So I made his hair here all greasy
and made his pores enormous.
Then, of course, we need to give him
really dark bags under his eyes,
you know, since he's in bars most nights
drinking beers.
Also, Chief, I'll say
the good-afternoon thing
was actually really helpful in the end.
He's a person who's angry,
frowning everywhere he goes,
He worries all the time, which could
be avoided just with a simpler life.
Always cheerful, like me.
- Whoa!
- [ricocheting bullets sound]
But but but let's slow down.
I'm just saying
speed's the enemy of perfection, right?
After that episode with the axe Edmilson
witnessed in the interrogation room,
he could be traumatized, a bit confused.
Maybe he doesn't know
what he's saying. Who knows?
- [Zuleide] Sir?
- [Suzano] Yeah?
Look, I don't mind our coffee
coming through some socks.
You just
you have got to check for holes first.
- Christ himself couldn't work like this.
- Sorry, I missed those.
My God in Heaven.
That looks like Soaked Rat!
He owns the worst steakhouse
in all of Tijuca.
God, what a piece of meat though.
I mean really.
Oh boy, back when I was a sinner
- Oh yeah!
- Jesus! Please!
The mafia will finally go toe-to-toe
and face-to-face with a police chief!
[unenthusiastically] Yay.
You can't just sneak up on a guy.
You trying to give me a heart attack?
You wait. I'm gonna be next on this wall.
And now I have to spend eternity
next to this gorgeous slice here.
Estevão, what I need is
a handsome picture of me for the wall.
Yeah, there's one from my childhood.
My mom will know. I'm holding the orchid.
Find that photo will you, huh?
- [Estevão] Miss Dani?
- Hmm?
[Estevão] Hi. How are you?
Am I interrupting? Uh
It's just that earlier
you were talking about coffee, you know?
And I don't know much about coffee.
I just wanted to find
an opportunity to, uh
To learn more about coffee?
[exhales] Yeah. Uh, yeah. I'm interested
in learning more about coffee,
and I might take a class, even a semester.
I can recommend the perfect thing for you.
Grow Savagely, Wear My Morning Scent.
It's a Danish film, totally silent.
It's black and white
and was filmed with one frame over
the course of four hours. It's wonderful.
There you are, Counselor Dani.
How's it going? All good?
Glad to hear. Listen,
I was thinking of going for a coffee
at the bar on the corner.
Would you feel like coming?
The establishment
where you congregate after work
to alleviate the awful stress
of a job filled with violence?
Yup, same place.
- Let me get my purse.
- [Wi-Fi] Okay.
Hey, dude, I didn't invite you
because you're not big on coffee, right?
Cool? Cool?
- Counselor, I'll be waiting.
- Yeah.
We're talking films here
and then Wi-Fi just rolls up
and they go get a drink.
That's great.
[indistinct chatter]
Like we rehearsed.
Don't stray from the text.
- I don't like improvisation, okay?
- It's fine. I got it.
Increase the suspense and go
for the revelation when it's time, okay?
- I'm good. I'm good.
- Okay, then, break a leg. You got this.
I got this, yeah.
Hey, everyone. Chief Suzano has
a surprise for all you guys.
- It's a coffee maker.
- [Suzano] Hey!
No, hey! Don't say coffee maker.
That's my bit.
- But I thought it makes
- No, it's fine. Fine! That's it!
Now I'd just like to
I'd just like to say
thank you to this guy,
Edmilson, the street vendor.
Oh, yeah! All good, glad to do it.
He managed to get the precinct,
for a mere 19 bucks,
our sexy, new coffee maker! Let's hear it!
Ta-da! Wow.
[Suzano claps slowly]
No? No applause?
Perhaps you'll do me the honor then
and allow me to be the first one
to use this coffee machine
to prepare for you all
- [Estevão] No. It's on!
- Wait a minute. No!
- No, Estevão. No!
- [Suzano] Shit! Shit!
Wow! So unexpected, yikes!
Oh my God! Oh my God!
What the hell is happening?
Easy, guys! It's a coffee maker!
Calm down, okay?
I'll fix it right now. Put your guns down.
For God's sake, guys, it's an appliance!
My word! There you go.
Edmilson, you swore to me
the machine wasn't a knock off!
You promised it was authentic!
I'm sorry.
Those guys told me it wasn't a fake.
[man] Back in my day,
we only had explosions like that
when the mafia was trying to kill me.
Though, they, uh [chuckles]
they didn't succeed!
[cheering and laughing]
[man] Yeah!
Pardalzinho! This is the force!
- Chief Suzano
- Yeah.
- He used to be our former chief.
- Not "used to."
A king leaves his throne,
but his majesty's eternal. [chuckles]
Chief Azevedo. Nice to meet you.
Figured I'd pay a visit
to my colleagues and meet my, uh,
- Oops, I'm not sure what that was.
- Hey. Hey, I'm Estevão.
As we say at the ranch, "holy moly."
Holy moly? What?
- Street vendor, Edmilson.
- Edmilson. Please, Edmilson.
It doesn't make sense. Sit down, Edmilson.
[Azevedo] Uh, uh
Nice to meet you. Chief Suzano. Hello.
- We've heard a lot about you here.
- Ah, the pleasure's all mine, really.
You know, I've heard a lot about you too.
- How about that? What do you know?
- [Azevedo] Yeah.
Pardal mentioned
you were having a hard time
finding a new coffee machine here,
so I thought
I would just go ahead and grab this one
for the team.
- A Coffee Turbo 3000, huh?
- [Rebecão chuckles]
- [cheering and applause]
- [Estevão] Wow! Seriously?
Simmer down, Estevão.
Give it up for Chief Azevedo, our hero!
It's my pleasure, Pardal.
Thank you for the gift,
and of course, for coming to see us.
Maybe you and I can have a chat,
and you could help me out
and show me what I need to do
to get control of this group.
- Sure,
- Sound good?
Of course, maybe over coffee?
Um, sure.
- [Azevedo] Do you mind?
- He's strong. I'll make the coffee, yeah.
Coffee helps one swallow one's pride.
[Rabecão chuckles]
[theme music plays]
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