Reprisal (2019) s01e04 Episode Script

On the Principles of Horsehound

1 [gunfire.]
[gunfire echoes.]
[fire crackling.]
That fire's dying down.
This was necessary.
'Cause now I need you for what comes next.
JOEL: And what's that? BURT: [exhales deeply.]
Why'd you come to us, Joel? You found me.
Yeah, outside of Houndsville in that dog shit knuckle ring.
They called you Joel the Mover, the bare-knuckle champ rumored to have sailed the world.
But you know when I found you? When I saw you what you did to your opponent.
That's when I found you.
A lost man with a grievance against the world, a grievance against himself, and a man that needed a family Like me like Bash, like every single one of us.
[dramatic music.]
And when we tell them what the Ghouls did to us, they're gonna remember what it's like to be a Brawler, to have a family.
And those who were not with us [inhales sharply.]
They're gonna see what we're capable of.
They're gonna watch us rise and burn and consume and prosper.
So, Joel the Mover, you can leave.
Or you can put those Ghouls' masks on those Brawlers' heads and join us.
And you join family.
[engine revving.]
[electricity buzzing.]
[phone ringing.]
[soft eerie music.]
JUKES: Yeah? JOEL: Jukes, it's Joel.
We need to meet.
JUKES: All right.
Where you wanna do this? JOEL: Your place.
PREACHER [over TV.]
: Thank you for your time.
MAN [over TV.]
: Good night, Preacher.
[door clangs on TV.]
ANNA [over TV.]
: And what was all that about? MAN [over TV.]
: To bed, Anna.
[clattering, glass shatters on TV.]
ANNA [over TV.]
: No! How could you? MAN [over TV.]
: Well, I'm well, I'm sorry, Miss Anna, but [TV static buzzes.]
[indistinct dialogue over TV.]
HOST [over TV.]
: If Tammy can forgive [channels changing.]
WEATHER REPORTER [over TV.]
: Looking a few days ahead, this nice weather will continue with mostly sunny skies and mild temperatures in the upper 60s.
Nighttime lows will hover around 58.
[sighs.]
WEATHER REPORTER: The winds today are from the southwest at 14 miles per hour.
[vacuum roaring.]
[soft dramatic music.]
[indistinct dialogue over TV.]
[door bell jingles.]
Excuse me.
I was [clears throat.]
I was wondering if I could have a cup of coffee.
CLERK: [sighs.]
What are you reading? [coffeepot clatters.]
[hand thuds.]
I like reading too.
I'd be reading right now, but I left my books at home.
CLERK: [sighs.]
I like mysteries myself.
You ever read Elmore Waterhaven? He wrote mysteries.
Personally, I always thought of him as more of a philosopher than a mystery teller, but My husband didn't really like reading.
Actually, I don't think I ever saw him with a book in his hand.
[dark music.]
Course, he didn't really do much of anything, I guess.
He just well, you know, he drank.
And he died.
He did that.
He died from drinking? Can you tell me where's the nearest bus station? [footsteps thudding, objects rustling and squeaking.]
Tough spot you could have put us in.
I had a plan, and he didn't disappoint.
EARL: Was he a friend of yours? - Did he seem like a friend of mine? - Well, you brought him here.
- Because if I hadn't, he would have found you eventually.
And we would have taken care of him.
And instead, I did.
[chuckles.]
And that shit was impressive.
Good, because I want you to feel I can be on your team.
The fuck is a Bang-A-Rang anyway? Like, a nightclub or some shit? It's a little more, um 'round the clock than that.
And these guys, you said they're your brother's gang.
They are.
And you mentioned he dragged you behind a truck.
He did.
CORDELL: What would they do that for? I'm afraid that part is A little complicated.
So you want us to rob 'em, and then you can, uh well, you know, do your thing.
DORIS: The score.
That's what you'd be interested in, and me, I just I just need the support.
- We don't kill people.
- Unless you have to.
Isn't that what you said? Unless you have to? EARL: [chuckles quietly.]
You sure they got money? DORIS: Plenty of it.
Each Bang-A-Rang has its own vault.
One we could have access to, just in and out.
Because of your dude on the inside? Yes, my dude on the inside.
[mug thuds.]
EARL: [breathes deeply.]
Well, he's gonna have to know what he's looking out for, and you're gonna have to know how we work.
Mm-hmm.
Tomorrow morning, we'll pick you up, show you how it's done.
[lively music.]
PRIVATE SNAFU: Aw, I joined this here army to join in the fun, a-jabbin' the Japs and huntin' with guns.
And look at the job that they hand out to me.
KP.
KP.
[toilet flushes.]
KP.
[timer buzzing.]
JUKES: [sighs.]
Your beard looks like shit.
Joel the Mover, now a remnant of the years like the rest of us.
Legends get old.
Gary, turn that shit off.
Get out of here, both of you.
PRIVATE SNAFU: Say, who in the blooming blue blazes is you? TECHNICAL FAIRY: Technical Fairy, First Class.
I heard you saying that everything stank [TV clicks off.]
[crows cawing.]
[door thuds shut.]
Some oatmeal? No, thanks.
[utensil scraping.]
JUKES: How's Burt? Sure he's fine.
There's a rumor going around that he's dead and you guys are just covering up for it.
[utensil scraping.]
You haven't been paying your tax.
You're supposed to pay us 60% on all you take in.
Well aware of the number, Joel.
I'll drop it to 35.
35, and we'll give you back the northeast corner of the county.
[grunts softly.]
And in return? Our little scrimmage couple weeks back Noticed you weren't there.
Sent Konstantinov in my place.
Was that really your call? Konstantinov's not exactly someone to take to take no for an answer these days Is he the only one of yours not taking no these days? JUKES: [sighs.]
Can't have close calls like that, Jukes.
If you would have turned those boys over to us, I would have sent them straight back to you.
We put you guys on hard times.
I know that.
This place, your bars, that two-bit fucking drug ring you run All falling apart for many years now.
[crow cawing.]
Pay your tax.
35%, northeast corner, so long as you take control of your guys.
That's it.
Mm.
What's in it for you? [bottle thuds.]
[exhales heavily.]
No war and never having to see any of you ever again.
Hmm.
So from Joel the Mover to Joel the Peacekeeper, huh? All gotta live our lives.
Let me ask you something.
You ever actually believe that bullshit story all those years ago? Our guys ambushing you like that? JOEL: One more thing: you don't stop whoever the fuck's selling Scratch to Meredith, deal is off and I burn your everything.
[car door slams.]
[engine turning over.]
[engine rumbling.]
DUTCH DARREN: [speaking Dutch over radio.]
[repeating Dutch.]
DUTCH DARREN: Where will the auction be held? Where will the auction be held? DUTCH DARREN: [speaking Dutch.]
[repeating Dutch.]
DUTCH DARREN: How many pounds does your cat weigh? How many pounds does your cat weigh? DUTCH DARREN: [speaking Dutch.]
DAVIE: [repeating Dutch.]
DUTCH DARREN: The bones are in the wheelbarrow.
DAVIE: The bones are in the wheelbarrow.
[tires screech softly.]
[engine shuts off.]
Right where they belong.
[seat belt buckle clicks.]
[wrappers ripping.]
[muttering indistinctly.]
Oh.
Humid today.
Feel like the humidity always brings the rain.
Does it feel like rain out there? [speaking Dutch.]
I'm sorry, I I didn't realize Um, that'll be, uh, 7, uh, 54.
[ominous music.]
[register dings.]
[door clangs shut.]
[register dings.]
[engine revving.]
Yeah, so, uh that's Meredith's, huh? Not yet, it ain't.
MATTY: She said she paid.
Not in full.
How's your belly, fool? Didn't I knock you out? Eh.
She said she paid in full, Gary.
Paid in full when I was dealing with just her.
She didn't say anything about sending you three rats over here.
Said you didn't have a tow.
We have a tow.
Look, Gary, we apologize, all right? We were just trying to show the new guy some fun.
Didn't realize things would get out of hand the way it did.
However from what we heard, you boys got a spanking about not paying your tax.
[chuckles.]
I could be mistaken, but to me, it seems like if I was to go back, tell Meredith you said she didn't pay, what happens when she goes to Daddy Burt, talking about how the Ghouls ripped her off? [tense music.]
[metal creaks.]
And after everything we all just did to cool down So maybe quit the shakedown bullshit and give us the fucking bike.
When this goes south, and it will I'm coming for you first, Matty.
You and many others, pal.
[hocks, spits.]
Excuse me.
[car horn honking.]
[engine rumbling.]
MEREDITH: Any trouble? MATTY: A little bit.
MEREDITH: Why? They kick your asses again? - MATTY: [scoffs.]
- MEREDITH: [chuckles.]
Well, you boys keep being so sweet, I might just give you a ride.
I wouldn't be caught dead on that thing.
Mr.
Purist.
You're welcome, by the way.
Heh.
I'll see you boys with the cops tonight.
- Cops? - MATTY: Mm-hmm.
It's Cop Night tonight.
- Cop Night? - Fucking Cop Night.
[upbeat rock music playing.]
[patrons yelling and whistling.]
POLICE OFFICER: When the heart gets heavy And the heart gets high Everywhere we go feels nice and dry [laughter.]
Few times a year, Brawlers let 'em in, let 'em all in show 'em a good time, let 'em blow off whatever steam they got under their belts.
And in addition to some other financial arrangements, they turn a blind eye to everything.
[patrons cheering.]
Whoo! You're looking fine.
Whoo! Toast, boys.
ADLER: Joel, I say this every fucking time, but thanks for this.
JOEL: Glad you're having a good time.
ADLER: Mm.
So I got something interesting for ya.
One of my guys, they spotted him.
Where? Thrift store just outside Shawtown.
Trailed him in an unmarked but lost him up by Route Dixon.
You sure it was him? I think anyone would know Burt Harlow if they saw him.
Well he's alive.
Seems like it.
Listen, I can have them do a sweep of the area if you like, get a more specific location.
No, just, um [clears throat.]
Just keep me posted.
Mm.
Will do.
Say you got any of that other stuff? You know, the good stuff? My man.
PINUP 1: He just kept staring at me.
PINUP 2: I know.
Isn't he the one that arrested you? - PINUP 1: [laughs.]
- PINUP 3: She's right.
PINUP 1: It was.
And there he is.
[door creaks, thuds shut.]
JOEL: I need whatever Scratch you have.
MEREDITH: I don't have any.
You told me to stop, so I did.
It's for the cops.
MEREDITH: Good to know.
Yeah, and we don't let cops pay for anything.
[muffled music playing.]
Ain't that rich? You just let all your principles fly right out the window for the boys in blue, don't you? How much? All of it.
MEREDITH: [sighs.]
You're one hell of a host, Joel.
[bag crinkling.]
Thank you.
No problem.
[door clicks open and shut.]
Fuck.
[muffled music playing.]
[zippers scratching.]
[exhales heavily.]
MATTY: [groans.]
[urine trickling.]
Fuck.
[zipper scratches.]
[panting.]
Oh, I recognize you.
Arrested you once.
Yeah.
You probably do recognize him.
Dude's wanted for murder up in Detroit.
You get that APB, Officer? ADLER: Huh.
Nah.
I haven't seen anything from Detroit.
MATTY: [grunts.]
[exhales.]
[urinal flushing.]
[slurps.]
[smacks lips.]
[urinal gurgling.]
Relax, little Phoenix.
Told you you're with us now.
[laughs.]
Oh.
[urinal flushes.]
[birds chirping.]
MOLLY: Where are you off to today? Just running some errands.
Oh.
Well I'll be leaving this afternoon.
[compact clicks.]
I'm sorry? Figured I should let you know.
There's a train station not far from here, I guess.
I'm going to hail a cab, buy a ticket, and get on a train that will take me to Detroit.
And what do you think is going to happen once you travel to Detroit, Molly? You have so much purpose, Doris.
I can see it in you, and I envy it.
But I can't sit here in the dark any longer.
Colin kept me in the dark, and now I'm in the dark again while you go out and and pursue it, while you pursue your purpose.
And I [dramatic music.]
I pursue nothing.
I pursue nothing, Doris.
That's always been my problem.
I'm going to say you killed Colin and that you kidnapped me and that I escaped and that I-I don't know where you are.
And then I'm going to take the restaurant, and even though I-I may have to deal with Big Graham, I'm going to make you proud with it.
That's what I'm going to do.
Are you going to tell them that Colin was your idea to begin with? That's very unfair of you.
My point is, Molly we're in this together.
We've been in this together.
If we're in this together, then then why can't you tell me what you're up to? DORIS: Molly sweetheart.
You don't wanna know what I'm up to.
[knock at door.]
[door creaks.]
You good? Long morning already, but all good.
[chuckles.]
Thank you, Cordell.
[engine turning over, roaring.]
[foreboding music.]
[electricity buzzing.]
[door bell jingles.]
Hi.
I'm looking for a Doris Quinn and/or a Molly Quinn.
A what? Two women, possibly guests here.
I don't any of the guests' names, man.
I just check 'em in.
Then may I see your ledger? No.
Why not? It's confidential, man.
You know what? Whatever you want, all right? [book slams shut.]
[ominous music.]
[speaking Dutch.]
[people screaming and clamoring.]
DORIS: Ethan.
I'd like to ask you a question.
[tense music.]
Do you trust me? ETHAN: W-what do you mean? Because if I'm going to help you get out of trouble, I might need some help of my own.
- Like how? - EARL: Here's how we work.
First, it's all about principles.
Now, any given time, we're usually clocking about 3 to 12 underground operations.
And they all got one thing in common: ain't none of 'em good people.
We don't rob no one that's good.
So whenever we're clocking somebody, it's usually about the bad they're up to.
Like this guy, Carburetor Ron and his mechanic scam.
As if it ain't bad enough that old money ripping off people in this community with some overpriced shady-ass work.
The guy also does the classic smuggling shit.
Gets that South American drug work in, cut and corrupted.
All kinds, all prices.
Pollutes the community.
CORDELL: Then there's the fish spot.
EARL: Another classic operation.
Diamonds, rubies, what have you, all smuggled in fish.
They get jewels from other galaxies is what I heard.
That's not an actual thing, but I do appreciate the myth.
The point is, they're up to no good, because half of the fish go rotten.
CORDELL: And all them jewels are stolen like a motherfucker.
EARL: It's a huge fucking waste.
CORDELL: Then we got the Piano Man.
Piano Devil, as we like to call him.
CORDELL: Dude fixes pianos but got some whole other bullshit going on.
EARL: Considers himself a reverend, Reverend Paulie Piano.
He has an entirely fake-ass religion and a bunch of lost-ass followers going behind his every word.
- Love of God! - [all whoop.]
- It's kind of sad.
- It's very sad especially because his thing, it's extremely fucked up.
[muffled shouting.]
Come on! CORDELL: Convinces his followers they need to exorcise their demons through knife fights.
That they can actually cleanse themselves of their troubles if they wanna fight to the death.
[all shouting.]
CORDELL: The real problem is, though, Reverend Paulie then invites a bunch of his degenerate-ass pals to come place bets on who's gonna win.
And that's where we come in.
[Velcro rips, zipper scratches.]
Hmm.
EARL: Because the next part is all about calculation.
CORDELL: 'Cause we watch.
EARL: And we schedule.
It takes patience.
CORDELL: Hey! Move, move, move! EARL: But if we don't know their schedule CORDELL: If we don't take our time EARL: If we don't learn their every single drop, when money's coming in CORDELL: And when it's going out EARL: Then we don't know how to move.
So what's your boy gotta do? ETHAN: Our schedule? Checkpoints, when you're supposed to arrive, when the drops happen, and the vaults.
I've never actually seen any of the vaults.
Well, just work on that, figure out how it works, and and we'll talk.
I guess I don't have any choice but to trust you, then, huh, Doris? I'd say you're a little too far down the road not to.
Wouldn't you agree? [phone snaps shut.]
[tape recorder whirring, button snaps.]
DAVIE: It's a strange thing, Molly, that story of yours.
Is it what you needed to clear Big Graham's name? Hmm? Oh.
Maybe.
Probably.
Do you know any languages other than English? I I find them fascinating.
Uh, complex strings of syllables with different meanings, uh, the history of different interpretations of the human condition.
[speaking Dutch.]
[hangers rattle.]
[menacing music.]
I knew Colin a long time.
We all did.
All loved him And all always found it so confounding that he ended up with you.
He'd be out at the strip clubs all night, few dozen mistresses [chuckling.]
We would all we would all say to him, "Colin, buddy, what are you doing with this broad "if you're just gonna go running around like that? Live your life, man.
" [sighs.]
I miss him.
Good guy.
Which is why well, Molly It's why I'm really going to enjoy this.
[bed creaks.]
MOLLY: [breathing shakily.]
DAVIE: Oh, Molly.
I'm really, really going to enjoy this.
[muffled music playing.]
You look troubled, doll face.
Been a weird day.
Ain't every day around here a little weird? Good point.
Beer? [ice sloshes.]
Actually, uh, starting to think my liver's rotting out.
Was wondering if I should cut back on the booze.
- Well, beer's not booze.
- [bottle cap pops.]
It's beer.
So they haven't scared you off yet.
They've come pretty close.
So what actually brought you here? I, uh [clears throat.]
I just, uh, heard about it.
You heard about it? Yup.
Just something to do? Something like that.
[giggles softly.]
ETHAN: So why that bike? The one you had us pick up.
Why not one of the rods that are lying around on the lot? Jesus, the rods? Have you seen them? They're ugly as shit.
[both chuckle.]
I thought that was the point.
Oh, okay, you mean the whole, um, "beast on the outside, purpose under the hood"? Brawler folklore bullshit.
They're a bunch of idiots, all of 'em.
You grew up here, right? So you were around for all of it? Around for all of what? The big war with all the gangs, the one everyone talks about.
I mean, I was pretty young.
I don't really remember.
Except that I do remember.
I mean, I remember how it felt.
I'm not saying that I was afraid, 'cause I didn't understand enough about what the hell was going on to be afraid.
What I mean is that I It felt dark.
It felt dark.
And maybe that's why I've always wanted to leave.
I don't know.
Where you wanna go? I'm on tonight.
Maybe I'll see ya out there.
[bottle clangs.]
[blinds rattle.]
[engine puttering.]
[engine shuts off.]
A lot to take in, right? Quite a bit.
It's impressive.
[chuckles.]
Now, what we need to know is your timeline here.
When do you wanna start on this? - Pretty soon.
- Soon as in This week.
That's a lot of moving parts and not a lot of time.
Do you have time for some tea? Maybe we could iron some things out.
Tea sound good to me.
Tea it is.
[car doors squeak.]
What kind of tea do you prefer? - Peppermint.
- Rooibos.
I He tried to do the thing, and then I did the thing, and then the thing happened.
Well that's fine.
[footsteps squishing.]
How the fuck that piece get there? Um [indistinct chatter.]
It doesn't look allergic to the sun.
What do you mean? Look how pale it is.
Yeah, but it's wood.
Sun is good for wood.
It's how it all grew in the first place.
That's a pretty good point.
Do you not want it, then? Ah.
First your presentation, please.
Horsehound.
Horsehound? Why? Allow me to read from its principles.
"On the principles of Horsehound.
Principle number one: the name Horsehound is derived from the function of both a horse and a hound.
For, like a horse, it will ride proud and be fearlessly ridden by Daddy.
" [whispering.]
That's you.
"And at the same time, like a hound, it will hunt the Great Beast.
" Who's the Great Beast? The Great Beast is all that's bad in the world coming together as one and trying to pollute the good.
Well, that sounds terrifying.
- Hello, Queenie.
- Hello, little one.
Are you still making the friendly ones dance? Well, I'm not sure what you mean by "the friendly ones," and I don't make them, but yes.
JOEL: All right.
[groans softly.]
Horsehound it is, then.
Horsehound.
Allergic to the sun.
Sunscreen, I love it.
Uncle Bru can help you get dinner started.
Then it's time for bed.
LYLA: Uncle Bru, we have some meat in the freezer if you'd like some.
I'll take it.
Learn something new from her every day.
QUEENIE: Mm-hmm.
Was curious Ghouls' tax.
Yeah? Did you discuss reducing it with Burt before you just up and did it? Burt probably doesn't even remember what their tax was set at.
Well, then you could have discussed it with me.
That what this really about, you? It's about preserving our position.
If we start making concessions, we appear weak.
We start showing the others we're open to working with them instead of lording over them, then we preserve peace.
That's how we preserve our position.
QUEENIE: If you're so afraid of a fight, Joel, why don't you just leave? Because you think this place will fall apart without you.
Is that right? In which case if you are worried about the little one, there's always Rita.
You'll figure it out.
We'll keep the Ghoul tax at 35% if you think that's best.
And when Burt does come asking, I'm sure you'll convince him just fine.
[knock at door.]
BERNICE: Who is it? EARL: It's me.
[soft footsteps.]
[dog barking distantly.]
We need to come inside.
You ain't gotta do shit.
Bernice, I can explain, but right now, we need to come inside, please.
Hello, uh, Bernice.
I apologize for interrupting, but, um [clears throat.]
May we use your shower? EARL: Like I said, I - You can explain.
- EARL: Yeah.
Sure.
Bathroom's down the hall, honey.
[shoes scratching.]
Thank you.
Oh, um, you wouldn't happen to have any, um, cheesecloth for the Okay.
Tell me you cooked something.
Just trust me on this, all right? [insects chirping.]
[water running.]
[garbage can clatters.]
[latex gloves snapping.]
[water running.]
How are you feeling? [solemn music.]
MOLLY: You were right.
I can't go back.
I see that now.
Which means I'm coming with you.
Wherever the hell it is you're going, I'm coming with you, and there's nothing you can do to stop me.
Will that be all right? Sure, Molly.
That'll be all right.
EARL: I'm gonna go out of town for a while for a job.
BERNICE: With that woman? EARL: She's got something big, real big.
- Big enough, I think, that - Don't Earl, don't even think about saying it.
I swear on my mother's goddamn grave.
EARL: I mean it, Bernice.
Now, look, I know she can be a bit concerning.
But she got a fucking plan.
And what me and Cordell would come back with that'd be it.
It could have been it a while ago.
EARL: We could do better is all I'm saying.
It's all you're ever gonna say.
[chuckles.]
Hmm.
BERNICE: I want y'all out of here tomorrow.
You can send me a postcard.
[chuckles.]
BERNICE: Do you ever think about him when you're out there? You ever think about our little man? Or do you just try to forget it all ever went down like that? Just keep gunnin' and gunnin' and robbing it all away.
It ain't even like that, Bernice.
No, of course it ain't.
[insects chirping.]
EARL: Who was he? DORIS: He was an attorney.
EARL: An attorney.
My husband's attorney.
CORDELL: Yo, your husband sent him? My husband's dead.
My husband's colleague, it was him that sent the attorney.
EARL: You know what? You don't have to talk about the personal shit.
That ain't what we're here for.
I got mine.
Cordell got his.
I mean, we all got something.
I don't even need to know why your brother dragged you behind a fucking truck.
If I get a chance to meet him, maybe I'll ask him myself.
But when we talk about being on a team, Dottie I should have told you about Big Graham.
I know.
Big Graham.
- My husband's colleague.
- EARL: Yeah, no.
Big Graham, like Detroit Big Graham? Yes.
That's who's after you? Yes.
I know, uh it's bad.
Big Big Graham, like like ole head-ass mobster Big Graham? Big Graham, like we robbed that boy six times, Big Graham? - [laughter.]
- CORDELL: What the fuck? About to be a seventh time, Big Graham.
EARL: Come on, now.
[laughs.]
Ole sleepy-ass motherfucker? I wish he would bring his ass down here.
Fuck you, man.
EARL: He probably need a fucking pacemaker.
Ole Benjamin Button-faced-ass nigga.
Come on, son.
Yo, the talk about Big Graham is making me sleepy.
EARL: [chortles.]
CORDELL: I I I'ma go to bed on that one.
- EARL: Ha! - CORDELL: Big fucking Graham.
Do you believe this shit? Oh, shit.
[laughs.]
So we on the same page, then, Dottie.
Good.
Good.
One last thing before I forget.
Monster Ring used to be a bit bigger back in the day.
Ain't gotta talk about that now, but We gonna be on a team Ah, shit, here.
I figure you can't leave ole girl here, and it sounds like you can't send her back home either.
So Welcome to The Monster Ring.
Both of you.
We leave in the morning.
[Bobby Pickett's "Monster Mash".]
[liquid bubbling.]
BOBBY: I was working in the lab Late one night When my eyes beheld an eerie sight For my monster from his slab Began to rise And suddenly, to my surprise SINGERS: He did the mash BOBBY: He did the monster mash SINGERS: The monster mash BOBBY: It was a graveyard smash SINGERS: He did the mash BOBBY: It caught on in a flash SINGERS: He did the mash BOBBY: He did the monster mash [trunk clicks open.]
From my laboratory in the castle east To the master bedroom where the vampires feast The ghouls all came from their humble abodes To get a jolt from my electrodes SINGERS: They did the mash BOBBY: They did the monster mash SINGERS: The monster mash BOBBY: It was graveyard smash SINGERS: They did the mash BOBBY: It caught on in a flash SINGERS: They did the mash BOBBY: They did the monster mash The zombies were having fun The party had just begun The guests included Wolfman Dracula and his son The scene was rocking All were digging the sounds Igor on chains, backed by his baying hounds The coffin bangers were about to arrive With their vocal group The Crypt Kicker Five SINGERS: They played the mash BOBBY: They played the monster mash SINGER: The monster mash BOBBY: It was a graveyard smash SINGERS: They played the mash BOBBY: It caught on in a flash SINGERS: They played the mash BOBBY: They played the monster mash Out from his coffin, Drac's voice did ring Seems he was troubled by just one thing Opened the lid and shook his fist And said, "Whatever happened to my Transylvania twist?" SINGERS: It's now the mash BOBBY: It's now the monster mash SINGERS: The monster mash BOBBY: And it's a graveyard smash SINGERS: It's now the mash BOBBY: It's caught on in a flash SINGERS: It's now the mash BOBBY: It's now the monster mash Now everything's cool Drac's a part of the band And my monster mash is the hit of the land For you, the living, this mash was meant too When you get to my door, tell them Boris sent you SINGERS: Then you can mash BOBBY: Then you can monster mash SINGERS: The monster mash BOBBY: And do my graveyard smash SINGERS: Then you can mash BOBBY: You'll catch on in a flash SINGERS: Then you can mash BOBBY: Then you can monster mash IGOR: [grunts.]
Mash good! MAD SCIENTIST: Easy, Igor, you impetuous