Robot Chicken s04e07 Episode Script
Love, Maurice
[ thunder crashing .]
[ drilling, sawing .]
[ electricity crackling .]
lt's alive! l wanna rock The strawberries taste like strawberries.
The snozzberries taste like snozzberries.
Ew! Pbht! These carrots taste musky.
Out! Damn Oompa-Loompas! Hello, my dear.
Hello, father.
And what does the day have in store for you today? Well, l wanted to play hopscotch, but Marie wants to play skipping.
Didn't you play hopscotch yesterday? Yes, and it was so much fun.
Well, if you ask me, skipping can be just as much fun.
Babar, the revolution has begun! Oh, you heathens! [ indistinct shouting .]
Follow me! Run! Run! Unhand her! Vive la revolution! [ trumpets .]
No, no, no! Aah! Save us.
[ trumpets .]
Aah! [ screeches .]
Any last words? [ trumpets .]
[ crowd cheering .]
Hey, what's up? Um, listen, l know things got a little crazy last night, but l'd really love to see you again.
Oh, gosh! Uh, you know, l'm really busy with school and stuff.
Oh, sure, sure, yeah.
l'm very busy, too.
Um, but, l mean, l-l've slime-violated a lot of orifices with a lot of hotties in my day, and -- and, um, you know, last night was the first time it really meant anything to me.
So, um, maybe you maybe we'll go See a movie or something.
Okay, look, l'll be honest.
There is no way my dad will let me date a tentacle monster.
l'm saying that l think l love you! Wow! All right! Uh, l have homework, so take care of yourself, okay? Oh! Stupid! [ camera shutter clicks .]
Mary Lou! Let me take your picture for the paper! [ screaming .]
An average teenage boy bitten by a radioactive white-tailed deer.
His life is about to change by leaps and bounds.
Huh.
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! l'm a mugger! Give me your money! Ugh! Kid Venison! To be a hero, he'll risk everything he holds ''dear.
'' You're very different, Perry -- like, skittish.
Ha! That's absurd.
[ backfires .]
Aah! Kid Venison! Now it's time to poach some poachers.
[ horn honks, tires screech .]
Kid Venison! Hey, boy, pull my finger.
[ farting .]
[ laughs .]
[ farting continues .]
Whoa! Let go! Let go! Let go! Let go! Let go! Whoa! Hey, dude, what do you think Bud Bundy's up to right now? [ laughs .]
David Fucking Faustino, bro! [ gunshot .]
[ all screaming .]
l told you we'd liberate Pakistan, Samir.
But first l had to liberate your head from your shoulders.
[ cellphone rings .]
David, baby.
lt's your agent.
Listen, Apatow wants you for the lead in his new movie.
Pass.
l'm already playing a lead.
The movie is Democracy.
My character -- Patriotism.
Mmm.
Thanks for dinner, baby.
Hope you left room to nurse.
Yeah, you too, doll.
l got something for your mouth.
Boogie-boogie! Ooh! O.
J.
Simpson?! Gonna get cut, bitch.
[ crying .]
[ train whistle blows .]
Excuse me.
ls this seat taken? Oh, sure.
Help yourself.
Women, huh? Can't live without 'em.
Or can you? What do you mean? My Jessica's a cheating bitch, but l could never kill her.
l'd be the prime suspect.
l'm not following you.
But if we kill each other's wives, jeepers! lt would be the p-p-p-perfect crime! Well, nice talking to you, l guess, but l really must be going.
Oh, l got you.
What? l got you.
Nicole! l brought you your child support.
l know it's a few weeks early, but you know how completely not bitter l am about the divorce.
Oh, hey, there! Oh, my! What did you do?! What did l do? We had a deal.
Now it's your turn to kill my wife.
l can't take the life of another human being.
P-P-P-Please? No! B-b-b-but we had a deal, see? You don't want to see me when l'm steamed! [ steam whistle blows .]
Take care of my wife, or it's curtains for you! Oh, no! To nurse.
Yeah, you too, doll.
l got something for your mouth.
Boogie-boogie! Ooh! O.
J.
Simpson?! Gonna get cut, bitch! [ crying .]
lf you don't get out of town.
Your husband's trying to kill you.
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da! l knew l couldn't trust your kind.
What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Real people! l meant real people! [ grunting .]
You killer! Die! Die, you killin' killer! Take that! And that! And some of this! Ooh, yeah! Hey, that's what you get when you squeeze the juice.
So, when you said, ''you gonna get cut, bitch,'' it was a warning, not a threat? You got it! Why'd you have to call her a bitch? And that's how l tracked down your gammy's real killer.
[ crying .]
Something must have spooked the boy.
Oh, he can just sense evil.
That's all.
There's been a horrible accident.
Oscar, bring your shovel and a can of gasoline.
No, l want you to rebuild her, like you did me.
Steve, your bionics cost us $6 million.
We can't ju-- Come on! You have the technology.
You say it all the time.
''Steve, we have the technology.
'' You won't shut up about it.
Ah, fuck it.
Put her on the table.
Ha! Great! Now, while you're in there, l had a few ideas myself.
[ monitor beeping .]
Now, Jamie, don't be alarmed.
We've rebuilt you.
You are now a bionic woman! Wait.
Wait.
Did you give me breast implants? Oh, uh, that's where we put your batteries.
Steve said you had room to spare.
[ whirring .]
My -- my arm.
l can't feel my arm! Relax, relax.
lt's now completely robotic.
Let me just fire it up for you.
What's wrong with it? Oh, Steve said your arm gets tired when youPolish stuff.
We also reinforced your knees.
You could be on them for hours without getting sore.
l want to talk to Steve! Right here, baby.
Right here.
Oh, wow! Great job, Goldman! Ohh, didn't have time to fix her nose, huh? You son of a bitch! You made me into a monster! Ohh! Hey, is she on the rag? l thought we were gonna tie her tubes.
l'll fucking kill you! [ monitor beeping .]
Oh, God! l've spent my life creating bionic Frankensteins.
Now the shoe's on the other foot.
We're alive, but we'll be more machine than man.
The irony is -- well, it's palpable.
Well, actually, you're not much more than head and stomach right now.
You won't live through the night.
Hey, but you can rebuild us, right? No.
You mean you don't have the technology? [ laughing .]
No! Boo! Aah! [ grunting .]
[ laughing .]
Motherfucker! You think it's funny? You think it's fucking funny?! Yeah, this is fucking funny! Yeah! Who's laughing now, stupid?! Huh?! who's laughing now?! Ha ha! UhWell, this is a little unprecedented.
Who's my special angel? Who's my special joy? [ vomits .]
Geez, kid, you're such a buzzkill.
Come with me, the terminator baby, if you want to live.
You got to be kidding me.
[ doorbell rings .]
Don't you answer that! l will answer the door in this here situation here.
Oh, no! Skynet has sent back the terminator puppy! Aah! And now we fight with the fist, and it will be a big fight! You are ridiculous! Come on! Wait for me! l got the little baby legs! [ beeping .]
That was a good idea, Sarah Connor! Oh, no! You got to change me! Quickly, there.
Take off the diaper.
Hold still.
Now clean the poo.
l'm trying.
The baby powder! Stop telling me what to do.
My gigantic baby balls.
Let's go.
Go! Go! Go! Go, go, go! Aah! Aaaah! Aah! Yeah! Yeah! Okay, good, good.
Yeah.
Oh.
Ugh! [ grunting .]
Aah! You have been a naughty puppy! Ugh! Aaah! Koo koo ka choo to you, the terminator puppy.
Ugh! Aaah! [ electricity crackling .]
ls it over? Yeah.
l'm thinking l need a little baby vacation.
Ohh, that's so nice.
Now l know the human feelings of the family and the love and the hug -- [ electricity crackling .]
Again, we've thwarted Skynet, and John is free to grow up to be the savior of mankind.
l think Skynet is running out of ideas for terminators at this point, but if a baby terminator can learn to love, then maybe there is hope for -- Holy shit! [ crash .]
Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk Ba-gawk! Bawk.
l wanna rock [ cricket chirping .]
Oh, come on! l can't applaud any louder than this.
[ drilling, sawing .]
[ electricity crackling .]
lt's alive! l wanna rock The strawberries taste like strawberries.
The snozzberries taste like snozzberries.
Ew! Pbht! These carrots taste musky.
Out! Damn Oompa-Loompas! Hello, my dear.
Hello, father.
And what does the day have in store for you today? Well, l wanted to play hopscotch, but Marie wants to play skipping.
Didn't you play hopscotch yesterday? Yes, and it was so much fun.
Well, if you ask me, skipping can be just as much fun.
Babar, the revolution has begun! Oh, you heathens! [ indistinct shouting .]
Follow me! Run! Run! Unhand her! Vive la revolution! [ trumpets .]
No, no, no! Aah! Save us.
[ trumpets .]
Aah! [ screeches .]
Any last words? [ trumpets .]
[ crowd cheering .]
Hey, what's up? Um, listen, l know things got a little crazy last night, but l'd really love to see you again.
Oh, gosh! Uh, you know, l'm really busy with school and stuff.
Oh, sure, sure, yeah.
l'm very busy, too.
Um, but, l mean, l-l've slime-violated a lot of orifices with a lot of hotties in my day, and -- and, um, you know, last night was the first time it really meant anything to me.
So, um, maybe you maybe we'll go See a movie or something.
Okay, look, l'll be honest.
There is no way my dad will let me date a tentacle monster.
l'm saying that l think l love you! Wow! All right! Uh, l have homework, so take care of yourself, okay? Oh! Stupid! [ camera shutter clicks .]
Mary Lou! Let me take your picture for the paper! [ screaming .]
An average teenage boy bitten by a radioactive white-tailed deer.
His life is about to change by leaps and bounds.
Huh.
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! l'm a mugger! Give me your money! Ugh! Kid Venison! To be a hero, he'll risk everything he holds ''dear.
'' You're very different, Perry -- like, skittish.
Ha! That's absurd.
[ backfires .]
Aah! Kid Venison! Now it's time to poach some poachers.
[ horn honks, tires screech .]
Kid Venison! Hey, boy, pull my finger.
[ farting .]
[ laughs .]
[ farting continues .]
Whoa! Let go! Let go! Let go! Let go! Let go! Whoa! Hey, dude, what do you think Bud Bundy's up to right now? [ laughs .]
David Fucking Faustino, bro! [ gunshot .]
[ all screaming .]
l told you we'd liberate Pakistan, Samir.
But first l had to liberate your head from your shoulders.
[ cellphone rings .]
David, baby.
lt's your agent.
Listen, Apatow wants you for the lead in his new movie.
Pass.
l'm already playing a lead.
The movie is Democracy.
My character -- Patriotism.
Mmm.
Thanks for dinner, baby.
Hope you left room to nurse.
Yeah, you too, doll.
l got something for your mouth.
Boogie-boogie! Ooh! O.
J.
Simpson?! Gonna get cut, bitch.
[ crying .]
[ train whistle blows .]
Excuse me.
ls this seat taken? Oh, sure.
Help yourself.
Women, huh? Can't live without 'em.
Or can you? What do you mean? My Jessica's a cheating bitch, but l could never kill her.
l'd be the prime suspect.
l'm not following you.
But if we kill each other's wives, jeepers! lt would be the p-p-p-perfect crime! Well, nice talking to you, l guess, but l really must be going.
Oh, l got you.
What? l got you.
Nicole! l brought you your child support.
l know it's a few weeks early, but you know how completely not bitter l am about the divorce.
Oh, hey, there! Oh, my! What did you do?! What did l do? We had a deal.
Now it's your turn to kill my wife.
l can't take the life of another human being.
P-P-P-Please? No! B-b-b-but we had a deal, see? You don't want to see me when l'm steamed! [ steam whistle blows .]
Take care of my wife, or it's curtains for you! Oh, no! To nurse.
Yeah, you too, doll.
l got something for your mouth.
Boogie-boogie! Ooh! O.
J.
Simpson?! Gonna get cut, bitch! [ crying .]
lf you don't get out of town.
Your husband's trying to kill you.
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da! l knew l couldn't trust your kind.
What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Real people! l meant real people! [ grunting .]
You killer! Die! Die, you killin' killer! Take that! And that! And some of this! Ooh, yeah! Hey, that's what you get when you squeeze the juice.
So, when you said, ''you gonna get cut, bitch,'' it was a warning, not a threat? You got it! Why'd you have to call her a bitch? And that's how l tracked down your gammy's real killer.
[ crying .]
Something must have spooked the boy.
Oh, he can just sense evil.
That's all.
There's been a horrible accident.
Oscar, bring your shovel and a can of gasoline.
No, l want you to rebuild her, like you did me.
Steve, your bionics cost us $6 million.
We can't ju-- Come on! You have the technology.
You say it all the time.
''Steve, we have the technology.
'' You won't shut up about it.
Ah, fuck it.
Put her on the table.
Ha! Great! Now, while you're in there, l had a few ideas myself.
[ monitor beeping .]
Now, Jamie, don't be alarmed.
We've rebuilt you.
You are now a bionic woman! Wait.
Wait.
Did you give me breast implants? Oh, uh, that's where we put your batteries.
Steve said you had room to spare.
[ whirring .]
My -- my arm.
l can't feel my arm! Relax, relax.
lt's now completely robotic.
Let me just fire it up for you.
What's wrong with it? Oh, Steve said your arm gets tired when youPolish stuff.
We also reinforced your knees.
You could be on them for hours without getting sore.
l want to talk to Steve! Right here, baby.
Right here.
Oh, wow! Great job, Goldman! Ohh, didn't have time to fix her nose, huh? You son of a bitch! You made me into a monster! Ohh! Hey, is she on the rag? l thought we were gonna tie her tubes.
l'll fucking kill you! [ monitor beeping .]
Oh, God! l've spent my life creating bionic Frankensteins.
Now the shoe's on the other foot.
We're alive, but we'll be more machine than man.
The irony is -- well, it's palpable.
Well, actually, you're not much more than head and stomach right now.
You won't live through the night.
Hey, but you can rebuild us, right? No.
You mean you don't have the technology? [ laughing .]
No! Boo! Aah! [ grunting .]
[ laughing .]
Motherfucker! You think it's funny? You think it's fucking funny?! Yeah, this is fucking funny! Yeah! Who's laughing now, stupid?! Huh?! who's laughing now?! Ha ha! UhWell, this is a little unprecedented.
Who's my special angel? Who's my special joy? [ vomits .]
Geez, kid, you're such a buzzkill.
Come with me, the terminator baby, if you want to live.
You got to be kidding me.
[ doorbell rings .]
Don't you answer that! l will answer the door in this here situation here.
Oh, no! Skynet has sent back the terminator puppy! Aah! And now we fight with the fist, and it will be a big fight! You are ridiculous! Come on! Wait for me! l got the little baby legs! [ beeping .]
That was a good idea, Sarah Connor! Oh, no! You got to change me! Quickly, there.
Take off the diaper.
Hold still.
Now clean the poo.
l'm trying.
The baby powder! Stop telling me what to do.
My gigantic baby balls.
Let's go.
Go! Go! Go! Go, go, go! Aah! Aaaah! Aah! Yeah! Yeah! Okay, good, good.
Yeah.
Oh.
Ugh! [ grunting .]
Aah! You have been a naughty puppy! Ugh! Aaah! Koo koo ka choo to you, the terminator puppy.
Ugh! Aaah! [ electricity crackling .]
ls it over? Yeah.
l'm thinking l need a little baby vacation.
Ohh, that's so nice.
Now l know the human feelings of the family and the love and the hug -- [ electricity crackling .]
Again, we've thwarted Skynet, and John is free to grow up to be the savior of mankind.
l think Skynet is running out of ideas for terminators at this point, but if a baby terminator can learn to love, then maybe there is hope for -- Holy shit! [ crash .]
Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk Ba-gawk! Bawk.
l wanna rock [ cricket chirping .]
Oh, come on! l can't applaud any louder than this.