Robot Chicken s09e01 Episode Script

Hey I Found Another Sock

1 [Dramatic music plays] My name is Matt.
My world is fire and blood.
Once, I was the co-creator of "Robot Chicken," but we were cancelled.
Distraught, the world went into a tailspin.
[Squeals] [Crunch] Now, I am the hunted.
[Engine roars] Matt?! Why'd you bail on Burning Man?! And I'm not accusing you, buy my peyote chicken fingers are gone! Get away from me, I'm mad! I'm so mad! Ooh! Mad Matt! Then I must be the blood bag! Uh, Seth, are you sick or something? Your face is so pale.
No, I'm doing an all-blood diet.
I feel great! - You should try it! - I will try it! Oh, look out! [Grunting] [Growls, groans] We got renewed! You don't have to be mad or eat lizards anymore.
Oh, looks like you've been in a car acci [grunts] [Crunch] They're the chicken of the sand.
[Clucking excitedly] Oh, no! It's Cancellation Joe! He hates popular TV! [Roaring] [Laughing maniacally] - Hey, is that Weird Al? - I don't know music.
I'm just here to promote "Comedy Bang! Bang!" I cancelled it! [Laughs] What?! I'll kill you! Da-da-da-daaa Hope in if you want to live, dystopian dildos.
Yes! Right on time! - H-Hey, guys, I'm not dead! - Suck it, nerd! [Screaming] I feed off the misery of disappointed fans.
"Firefly," "The Good Wife," "Selfie" I took them all in their prime! [Laughs] Ah, "Selfie," I loved that show.
And now I've come for you! [Laughs] Da-da-da-daaa I like your spirit! Join me and cancel anything you want! So even that show "Shithead Truckers in Stupid Masks"? Ooh, that sounds good.
- What channel is it on? - Yours! [Groans] [Grunts] [Laughing] Well, we survived cancellation for another season.
[Cheering] We're not cancelled 'cause we're saved! - You guys want some Joe? - Ooh, ooh, ooh! I'll take his balls medium rare.
[Whinnies] And we'll see you at the Emmys.
[Ding] [Dramatic music plays] [Grunting rhythmically] [Plays "Stars and Stripes Forever"] Sky Dancers, take flight! [Music] [Electricity crackles] Um Who wants to take my car? - Mm-hmm, definitely.
- Sounds good.
Look at me.
Look at me.
I'm the captain now.
Cool, then you can fill out the crew evaluations, file the maintenance reports, negotiate the union contracts You've got an 11:00 with Bill Gates, and the Obamas confirmed dinner.
- Oh, and a Mr.
Head called? - Mr.
Head? Oh, yes.
And he left a message.
It says, "Heh, heh-heh-heh, heh.
" ["Psycho" type violins play] I I have to go.
Siri, call my therapist.
You're calling her "the rapist"? [Music climaxes] [Laughs] Hello, Beavis.
- How did you find me? - I asked your mom - right after I touched her butt.
Ha.
- My mom is dead! Yeah, I totally boned her, 'cause she's just bones.
[Laughs] I've missed you, old friend.
Your house looks like a toilet.
[Chuckles] Honey, this is Butthead.
I'm sorry, he just showed up.
You know, I'm so happy to meet someone who can fill me in on Jim's mysterious childhood.
Ha, you said "fill me.
" And then Beavis uh, Jim, stuck his face in a poodle's nard sack.
And I called him nard face.
[Laughs] - Ah, that ruled.
- Your stories are a delight, Mr.
Head.
I was certain old Jimmy the uptight lawyer was more of a bookish child.
[Scoffs] Whatever, President Bong-Rip.
Whoo touché.
[Laughs] You said "douche gay.
" Ha.
[Beavis laugh emerges] You know, I'm glad you came back, Butthead.
- And, yes, I know I said you came.
- To friendship.
Hey, let's all go to my vacation home in Lake Titicaca.
- Uh-oh.
- Titicaca?! Titi-Titicaca? [Crazy laughter] Titi-Titicaca! I am Cornholio! I need T.
P.
for my bunghole.
Manchurian Candidate! [Laughs] Send him to Gitmo.
- Name? - Uh the Bomberman? Looks good, next.
Dots again?! Ugh.
There's not enough ketchup in the world.
You will never have earth! Dr.
Strange forbids it! And it was only due to my skills as Sorcerer Supreme that I was able to survive and barely.
He just left the portal open? [Chuckles] You would think the "Sorcerer Supreme" would be a little more careful.
- I know, right? - Well, as long as you're here, - how about a look around? - Hey, when in Hell, right? Wow! Ooh! Whose bones are these? Oh, wait, I don't want to know.
- Come on, bashful, get in here.
- [Giggles] Okay.
Seems like it was really tough there, Steve.
Oh, good thing you Sorcerer Supreme! [Laughs] It wasn't like that for me really! Oh, that swan boat looked fun.
20 years ago, these inbred freaks vanished into a national park and set up an illegal monarchy on federal land.
We move at dawn.
- Scramble, it's the fuzz! - Go get help, The Cheat.
Whoo, whoo, whoo! You'll never take me alive.
[Gunshot] [Grunts] I don't like this TV show! [Machineguns firing] [Grunting] They can take what we have, but they'll never have our freedom! [Panting] Ow, something bit me! Frank Bennedetto, no! Dear Strong Bad, how do you type with handcuffs on your hands? You crapful pieces of crap ain't getting crap out of me.
Scratch that, I just crapped my pants.
Hey, tell them about those - teenaged girls you're always killing.
- That is just my zine.
Looks like an instruction manual for mass murder.
[Chuckles] These dudes are getting lethal injections for sure.
Wait, no! Turns out, this one's white.
- He's free to go.
- Hurray! - But, wait, what about Strong Bad? - The Mexican? He stays.
Oh, oh, oh, oh! Make America great again! Woman: Kaiju, time to get up! Oh, boy! [Sighs] My Kaiju is getting to be such a big monster.
I'm from the ocean floor Slept millennia or more Now it's time for endless war I am Kaiju [Roars] Each wave, you learn something Soon I'll kill everything Death is my favorite thing I am Kaiju I'll drink a human's blood I'll murder everyone Growing up is such great fun Yeah - # I am Kaiju # - Eat nuclear ass, Kaiju! Yeah! [Roars] Aw! [Explosion] [Upbeat piano plays] [Clamoring] Yeah, we got a leak, boys.
Somebody's been spilling it to the fuzz.
It could be any one of us.
Any one of us.
[Shivering] Oh, boy! [Music] I'm finally going to Westworld! Oh, what will I do first?! Maybe I'll rescue a damsel in distress - or be a bounty hunter! - Right this way, sir.
Okay, try not to be too jay.
I'm dressed up as the coolest Western hero of all time Marty McFly! [Music] Or we could always stay here, if you like.
Hmm.
Tough choice.
A-A-Again, please.
A-Again, please.
Holy shit, it's been two weeks of this.
I can't this lonely kid's ass anymore.
I have an idea.
Westworld is awesome! Well, time to go again.
Wait.
Congratulations! Bypenis-pounding our robot to death, - you have found the first clue.
- The what? The there's like a maze, I guess, in, uh, Westworld, and when you get to the end, you win a prize.
A sexy prize? Uh, sure.
[Quiet] Little freak.
Wow, a maze! [Train toots] Where's the maze?! [Gunshot] What's the maze?! How's the maze?! Find the maze! Well, howdy, partner! - Can I help - Hello! The wild west! I need to go west! [Dramatic music plays] [Screaming] [Crash] It's that-a-way! Hyah! [Western music plays] - Well, hello! - Oh, dang.
I uh, sorry, sorry, ladies.
I'm on a very important m-mission.
Hmm.
I should probably check for scalp clues.
- Good God! - Trust me, I know exactly what I'm doing.
Ugh! - Yep, still going west.
- Wow, it's really you.
I just wanted to say "Robot Chicken" saved my sister's life.
Say one more word and I'll scalp you.
This is my [bleep] vacation.
[Piano playing old-timey tune] [Slurps] What is it you're searching for? - Perhaps I can be of - Suck it, Thor's dad! Give me your head back! [Grunts] Oh, I see how this works.
Well, what if I just Whoa! Well, maybe did you think of [Grunting] Ow! I'm gonna sue the crap out of this place.
Uh, hurray! You did it.
You beat the maze! You win a sex robot.
Take it and leave.
Really?! Well, I'll take that first lady.
Well, now, we didn't specify which host - you'd be allowed to take home.
- You mean Well, I'm certainly not crazy about this outcome.
[Sighs] You want to go again? Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk Ba-gawk! Bawk.