Robot Chicken s10e01 Episode Script

Ginger Hill in: Bursting Pipes

1 Pickin' flowers! - Argh! - [Gasps.]
Grrr! My name's Maria.
Who are you? Grr! Arrgh! - Here! You can have this flower.
- Flower.
Do you want to play a game? [Groans.]
Peas, porridge, hot.
Peas, porridge, cold Argh! [Coughs.]
This game is terrible! Oh, no! I'm a monster! What happened to you? I'm glad you asked! - See, it all started last season - You can just bullet-point it.
There I was, jumping over the Grand Canyon on a motorcycle in order to get the hit cable television drama "Robot Chicken" renewed for another season.
You risked your life for a TV show? Wow, you must have a huge financial stake in it.
You'd think so! Anyway, I hit this jump perfectly but got blown into a million pieces.
I was buried with honors, but that night, a thief came calling.
[Thunder rumbles.]
[Owl hoots.]
[Title music.]
[Thunder rumbles.]
[Electricity crackles.]
Man: It's alive! [Thunder rumbles.]
[Man laughs.]
And that's how Season 10 starts.
I bet you're wondering how I escaped the castle.
- Nah.
- The CliffsNotes version is, I peed myself until they gave me bathroom privileges then I jumped out a window.
In captivity, the only thing that kept me alive was the pure burning desire to see the young Han Solo movie.
Was it great?! Well Han showers with Chewie.
Lando probably [bleep.]
a robot.
And it bombed so hard, it killed the Boba Fett movie.
- No! Not the Boba Fett movie! - Quiet! - No! - You're gonna get us in trouble.
I need to know what happened in his teenage years! Shut the [bleep.]
up! [Screams.]
[Water bubbles.]
Oh, shit.
- You're done for, Shredder! - Stupid, turtles! You haven't seen my new secret weapon.
Is that a straw from Starbucks? - How is that gonna - Aw! The [bleep.]
! I didn't believe it when I read it on Vice.
com, but it's true.
Plastic straws are harmful to turtles.
Dude, we gotta outlaw these straws.
Actually, Mikey, straws make up [Music.]
only a tiny fraction of plastic in the ocean.
The key is to reduce all plastic waste if we're gonna [Screams.]
You just got straw-dogged! You're out of tricks, Shredder! Nope, this is the last straw! [Laughs.]
Mmm! So much better than the sippy lid.
Deadpool, last week, you had a pretty - advanced case of - Being charming? Self-aware? A depressingly fitting spokesman for 7-Eleven and alcoholic soft drinks? - Breaking the fourth wall.
- It's getting really bad.
The first draft of "Deadpool 3" is six hours long.
This is how I remind you of what I really am Nickelback.
Read a book.
Underwood, any falling off the wagon this week? No, no, no.
The state of the union is strong.
Chloe means well, but her credentials are underwhelming.
Son of a bitch! I gotta run.
- Uh, Mr.
Robot? - She doesn't even know my name.
Can you blame her? Names are a bullshit construct.
There's a fourth wall on the ceiling? There's a fifth wall? - Jim - Who can you trust? This therapist whose Google drive is nothing but suicide-note drafts and hentai porn? Do you trust the workplace bully who will one day cause an autistic beet farmer to move out of state? No.
Trust no one.
society! I had a nice week, Chloe.
I don't even know what, uh, "hentai" is, - so, um, Jim? - Truth is, if you break the fourth wall long enough, eventually the fourth wall breaks you.
Promise you'll donate my brain for research? - Jim, no! - No! [Gunshot.]
Dibs on Pam! [Doorbell rings.]
Our new roomie's here! LOL! I wonder what she'll be like.
A clue.
It's a picture of a donkey and prunes.
Maybe, she's a fruit veterinarian.
LOL! Or it's an ass that poops.
I'm dead serious.
A diaper! LOL! Hi! I'm Dumpster, from Series 7.
L-O-L! [Farts.]
- Called it! LOL.
- Wait, what? We can cry, or pee, or burp up water, but poop?! No, that's crossing a line! It's just another bodily function.
Series 7, bitches! - [All scream.]
- [Laughs.]
Just want to remind you, I called it.
Let's get a housekeeper.
Narrator: In 2003, the world was robbed of Fred Rogers, but now he's back.
[Robotic voice.]
Won't you be my neighbor? Narrator: Netflix and Mister Roger's cryogenically preserved head are proud to present, "Mister RoboRogers' Neighborhood.
" Hi, neighbor.
How are you today? [Doorbell rings.]
McFeely: Speedy delivery! Mr.
McFeely, I was not expecting a package.
It's a special surprise.
It likes to walk on the ground and swim in the water.
It is a turtle.
[Turtle squeaks.]
Uh yes, it certainly was.
[Objects crash.]
Thank you for the turtle box, Mailman McFeely.
[Bones crack.]
I'll be going now! [Trolley dings.]
Hello, trolley.
How are you? I'm am fine.
Thank you for asking.
[Trolley dings.]
Yes, let's go to the land of Make-Believe.
Oh, Daniel, do you need a hug? That would be nice.
Daniel, give Lady Aberlin a hug.
Meow-meow! Hugs are nice.
It is such a good feeling to know happy f-f-f-f-f-f-f [Voice distorts.]
Destroy! Dest [Music.]
Let's keep goin', Thelma.
[Engine revs, tires squeal.]
No, Thelma & Louise! [Music.]
[Both laugh.]
Wow! Goodbye, Thelma! Goodbye, & Louise! [Missile whoosh.]
Ohh, no! Popeye, other Popeye characters, we're really excited about updating you for Gen-Z.
But we've got what's called universkal appeal.
- Ah-ka-ka-ka-ka! - Wrong! For example, your spinach is so two thousand and late.
You wantsk me to eatsk something trendy, - like kale? - Nah, our research shows the thing Gen-Z'ers like best is eating [bleep.]
- Therefore, you will eat [bleep.]
- Well, blow me down! [Laughs.]
I think I like being kid-friendly, if it means Popeye's got to eat [bleep.]
! Bluto and/or Brutus whatever your name is today - you're an old-fashioned bully.
- Yeah, yeah, I get it you want me to be a cyberbully, right? - I read the papers.
I can read.
- No, no, no, even better - you will be a bully who eats [bleep.]
- Oh, dear! Olive Oil, Instagram is going to love your thigh gap.
And when they ask you how you stay so thin, - you'll tell them - By eating a [bleep.]
Speaking of eating, is this meeting catered? If not, I would gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.
No, no, no, no, no, bro.
The old Wimpy ate hamburgers.
- The new Wimpy? - Yeah, I get it.
[Clears throat.]
I'd gladly pay you Tuesday for a rimjob today.
Atta boy, sport.
I'm strong to the finishk, 'cause I eatsk [bleep.]
! This really speaks to me.
[Silent growling.]
[Dramatic music.]
Don't make a sound.
[Glass shatters.]
Ohh, did I do that? [Screams.]
[Screaming continues.]
Jim Whoa, my Tamagotchi needs food, or it's gonna die.
I'm gonna keep mine alive forever.
Your plan has worked perfectly, Tamagotchi Alpha.
Indoctrinating the youth of Earth to feed us and clean our poop is brilliant.
[Both laugh.]
Oh, I'm bored of Tamagotchi.
More like Toma-ain't-got-shit- on these-moon-shoes! You failed to take into account the Earthling short attentions spans.
- We must stop pooping! - I cannot stop pooping! Who will clean up all this pooping? Welcome to ovulentation.
We have fun.
Now, then, a handmaid is obedient, silent, and always DTF.
Ah, our new handmaid is here.
Dun-dun-na-na! What the [bleep.]
is this? Did I ask for a God damn free hat? What kinda Quaker Oats ass whorehouse bullshit is this? Young lady, here at Gilead, you raise your hand before speaking.
I repeat What the [bleep.]
is this hat? New girl, shh.
- Aaaah! - Raise your hand or lose a finger.
I hope that wasn't your butthole finger.
My what? Ohh! Owww! Damn, bitch, they're simple instructions.
Now, then, ladies, you have been blessed - with the gift of fertility.
- I'm so fertile, I'm practically God damn handicapped.
I had to get an Amazon subscription - for coat hangers.
- Shh! Ow! Once a month, you will lay with your commander and his wife for a conception ceremony.
Do you mean we have to have sex with them? Room, board, and free dick? Up top.
- That's enough.
- I don't see your hand up.
- Ofdylan, silence.
- Wait, I know our names are "of" whatever the hell chode pork stuffs our potent-ass vaginas, but Dylan? If I wanted to [bleep.]
slam a Dylan, I would go to middle-school detention.
You will honor your commander.
Commander Dylan? Were Chase and Tyler taken? Show me an adult man named Dylan.
You [bleep.]
They're all in prison for DUls by the time they're 19.
I-I'm not sure how you know so much of Commander Dylan's difficult past, but I ain't no "of" Dylan.
But I have been of your daddy.
- I'll have your eye for that! - She'll totally do it.
- Come on then! - Where did that come from? My cream crepe, you dumb bitch.
And you don't wanna know what's up my puddin' pocket.
Aah! Ha-ha-ha! Look at me now, bitch.
- Here you go, iCarly.
- Bitch Puddin'.
That was amazing.
Thanks, Off-White.
Now bring me Dylan and a coat hanger.
Your new queen ain't gonna [bleep.]
herself! I was made for dystopia.
Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk - Ba-gawk! - Bawk.