Robot Chicken s10e01 Episode Script

Ginger Hill in: Bursting Pipes

1 Pickin' flowers! - Argh! - [Gasps.]
Grrr! My name's Maria.
Who are you? Grr! Arrgh! - Here! You can have this flower.
- Flower.
Do you want to play a game? [Groans.]
Peas, porridge, hot.
[claps.]
Peas, porridge, cold Argh! [Coughs.]
This game is terrible! Oh, no! I'm a monster! What happened to you? I'm glad you asked! - See, it all started last season - You can just bullet-point it.
There I was, jumping over the Grand Canyon on a motorcycle in order to get the hit cable television drama "Robot Chicken" renewed for another season.
You risked your life for a TV show? Wow, you must have a huge financial stake in it.
You'd think so! Anyway, I hit this jump perfectly but got blown into a million pieces.
I was buried with honors, but that night, a thief came calling.
[Thunder rumbles.]
[Owl hoots.]
[Title music.]
[Thunder rumbles.]
[Laughs.]
[Whirring.]
[Electricity crackles.]
[Beeping.]
Man: It's alive! [Thunder rumbles.]
[Laughs.]
[Man laughs.]
And that's how Season 10 starts.
I bet you're wondering how I escaped the castle.
- Nah.
- The CliffsNotes version is, I peed myself until they gave me bathroom privileges then I jumped out a window.
In captivity, the only thing that kept me alive was the pure burning desire to see the young Han Solo movie.
Was it great?! Well Han showers with Chewie.
Lando probably [bleep.]
a robot.
And it bombed so hard, it killed the Boba Fett movie.
- No! Not the Boba Fett movie! - Quiet! - No! - You're gonna get us in trouble.
I need to know what happened in his teenage years! Shut the [bleep.]
up! [Screams.]
[Splash.]
[Water bubbles.]
Oh, shit.
[Panting.]
- You're done for, Shredder! - Stupid, turtles! You haven't seen my new secret weapon.
Is that a straw from Starbucks? - How is that gonna - Aw! The [bleep.]
! I didn't believe it when I read it on Vice.
com, but it's true.
Plastic straws are harmful to turtles.
[Music.]
Dude, we gotta outlaw these straws.
Actually, Mikey, straws make up [Music.]
only a tiny fraction of plastic in the ocean.
The key is to reduce all plastic waste if we're gonna [Screams.]
You just got straw-dogged! You're out of tricks, Shredder! Nope, this is the last straw! [Laughs.]
[Slurping.]
Mmm! So much better than the sippy lid.
Deadpool, last week, you had a pretty - advanced case of - Being charming? Self-aware? A depressingly fitting spokesman for 7-Eleven and alcoholic soft drinks? - Breaking the fourth wall.
- It's getting really bad.
The first draft of "Deadpool 3" is six hours long.
This is how I remind you of what I really am Nickelback.
2001.
Read a book.
Mr.
Underwood, any falling off the wagon this week? No, no, no.
The state of the union is strong.
Chloe means well, but her credentials are underwhelming.
[Beeping.]
Son of a bitch! I gotta run.
- Uh, Mr.
Robot? - She doesn't even know my name.
Can you blame her? Names are a bullshit construct.
There's a fourth wall on the ceiling? There's a fifth wall? - Jim - Who can you trust? This therapist whose Google drive is nothing but suicide-note drafts and hentai porn? Do you trust the workplace bully who will one day cause an autistic beet farmer to move out of state? No.
Trust no one.
[Bleep.]
society! I had a nice week, Chloe.
I don't even know what, uh, "hentai" is, - so, um, Jim? - Truth is, if you break the fourth wall long enough, eventually the fourth wall breaks you.
Promise you'll donate my brain for research? - Jim, no! - No! [Gunshot.]
Dibs on Pam! [Doorbell rings.]
Our new roomie's here! LOL! I wonder what she'll be like.
LOL.
A clue.
LOL.
It's a picture of a donkey and prunes.
Maybe, she's a fruit veterinarian.
LOL! Or it's an ass that poops.
I'm dead serious.
LOL.
A diaper! LOL! Hi! I'm Dumpster, from Series 7.
L-O-L! [Farts.]
- Called it! LOL.
- Wait, what? We can cry, or pee, or burp up water, but poop?! No, that's crossing a line! It's just another bodily function.
Series 7, bitches! - [All scream.]
- [Laughs.]
Just want to remind you, I called it.
LOL.
Let's get a housekeeper.
LOL.
Narrator: In 2003, the world was robbed of Fred Rogers, but now he's back.
[Robotic voice.]
Won't you be my neighbor? Narrator: Netflix and Mister Roger's cryogenically preserved head are proud to present, "Mister RoboRogers' Neighborhood.
" Hi, neighbor.
How are you today? [Doorbell rings.]
Mr.
McFeely: Speedy delivery! Mr.
McFeely, I was not expecting a package.
It's a special surprise.
It likes to walk on the ground and swim in the water.
It is a turtle.
[Turtle squeaks.]
Uh yes, it certainly was.
[Objects crash.]
Thank you for the turtle box, Mailman McFeely.
[Bones crack.]
[Screams.]
I'll be going now! [Trolley dings.]
Hello, trolley.
How are you? I'm am fine.
Thank you for asking.
[Trolley dings.]
Yes, let's go to the land of Make-Believe.
Oh, Daniel, do you need a hug? That would be nice.
Daniel, give Lady Aberlin a hug.
Meow-meow! Hugs are nice.
It is such a good feeling to know happy f-f-f-f-f-f-f [Voice distorts.]
Destroy! Dest [Music.]
Let's keep goin', Thelma.
[Engine revs, tires squeal.]
No, Thelma & Louise! [Music.]
[Both laugh.]
Wow! Goodbye, Thelma! Goodbye, & Louise! [Missile whoosh.]
[Boom.]
Ohh, no! Popeye, other Popeye characters, we're really excited about updating you for Gen-Z.
But we've got what's called universkal appeal.
- Ah-ka-ka-ka-ka! - Wrong! For example, your spinach is so two thousand and late.
You wantsk me to eatsk something trendy, - like kale? - Nah, our research shows the thing Gen-Z'ers like best is eating [bleep.]
.
- Therefore, you will eat [bleep.]
.
- Well, blow me down! [Laughs.]
I think I like being kid-friendly, if it means Popeye's got to eat [bleep.]
! Bluto and/or Brutus whatever your name is today - you're an old-fashioned bully.
- Yeah, yeah, I get it you want me to be a cyberbully, right? - I read the papers.
I can read.
- No, no, no, even better - you will be a bully who eats [bleep.]
.
- Oh, dear! Olive Oil, Instagram is going to love your thigh gap.
And when they ask you how you stay so thin, - you'll tell them - By eating a [bleep.]
.
Speaking of eating, is this meeting catered? If not, I would gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.
No, no, no, no, no, bro.
The old Wimpy ate hamburgers.
- The new Wimpy? - Yeah, I get it.
[Clears throat.]
I'd gladly pay you Tuesday for a rimjob today.
Atta boy, sport.
I'm strong to the finishk, 'cause I eatsk [bleep.]
! This really speaks to me.
[Silent growling.]
[Dramatic music.]
[Whispering.]
Don't make a sound.
[Glass shatters.]
Ohh, did I do that? [Screams.]
[Screaming continues.]
Jim Whoa, my Tamagotchi needs food, or it's gonna die.
I'm gonna keep mine alive forever.
[Beeping.]
Your plan has worked perfectly, Tamagotchi Alpha.
Indoctrinating the youth of Earth to feed us and clean our poop is brilliant.
[Both laugh.]
Oh, I'm bored of Tamagotchi.
More like Toma-ain't-got-shit- on these-moon-shoes! You failed to take into account the Earthling short attentions spans.
- We must stop pooping! - I cannot stop pooping! Who will clean up all this pooping? Welcome to ovulentation.
[Chuckles.]
We have fun.
Now, then, a handmaid is obedient, silent, and always DTF.
Ah, our new handmaid is here.
Dun-dun-na-na! What the [bleep.]
is this? Did I ask for a God damn free hat? What kinda Quaker Oats ass whorehouse bullshit is this? Young lady, here at Gilead, you raise your hand before speaking.
I repeat What the [bleep.]
is this hat? New girl, shh.
- Aaaah! - Raise your hand or lose a finger.
I hope that wasn't your butthole finger.
My what? Ohh! Owww! Damn, bitch, they're simple instructions.
Now, then, ladies, you have been blessed - with the gift of fertility.
- I'm so fertile, I'm practically God damn handicapped.
I had to get an Amazon subscription - for coat hangers.
- Shh! Ow! Once a month, you will lay with your commander and his wife for a conception ceremony.
Do you mean we have to have sex with them? Room, board, and free dick? Up top.
- That's enough.
- I don't see your hand up.
- Ofdylan, silence.
- Wait, I know our names are "of" whatever the hell chode pork stuffs our potent-ass vaginas, but Dylan? If I wanted to [bleep.]
slam a Dylan, I would go to middle-school detention.
You will honor your commander.
Commander Dylan? Were Chase and Tyler taken? Show me an adult man named Dylan.
You [bleep.]
can't.
They're all in prison for DUls by the time they're 19.
I-I'm not sure how you know so much of Commander Dylan's difficult past, but I ain't no "of" Dylan.
But I have been of your daddy.
- I'll have your eye for that! - She'll totally do it.
- Come on then! - Where did that come from? My cream crepe, you dumb bitch.
And you don't wanna know what's up my puddin' pocket.
[Music.]
Aah! Ha-ha-ha! Look at me now, bitch.
- Here you go, iCarly.
- Bitch Puddin'.
That was amazing.
Thanks, Off-White.
Now bring me Dylan and a coat hanger.
Your new queen ain't gonna [bleep.]
herself! I was made for dystopia.
Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk wawk bawk bawk - Ba-gawk! - Bawk.