Rocko's Modern Life (1993) s01e01 Episode Script

1
( buzzing and chirping )
( chuckling )
GOOD AS NEW.
ROCKO'S MODERN LIFE ♪
ROCKO'S MODERN LIFE.
ROCKO'S MODERN LIFE ♪
ROCKO'S MODERN LIFE.
SPUNKY!
SPUNKY!
( screaming )
ROCKO'S MODERN LIFE. ♪
ROCKO'S MODERN LIFE.
( laughing )
THAT WAS A HOOT!
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hOkay, now,
let's really turn it up.
\h\h\h\hOne and two
and three and four
BLAZES
I'M OUT OF SHAPE.
I'M NOT THE WALLABY
I USED TO BE.
Hey, fatso, let's go!
I'm not doing this
for my health.
Okay, power jumping jacks.
Ready?
Begin.
One and two and three and four
and five and six and seven
and eight and nine and ten.
And one and two
and three and four
and five and six and seven
and eight and nine and ten.
Okay, and rest.
( doorbell ringing )
( panting )
HEY, ROCKO.
MAN, YOU'VE
GOT COLOR.
COME ON IN, HEF.
GOT ANY MALTED FISH BITS?
AHH!
YOU OKAY?
H-HUH.
YOU KNOW, HEFFER
WE'RE BOTH HORRIBLY
OUT OF SHAPE.
I'M HUFFING UP STAIRS,
AND YOU'RE GETTING
WELL
FATTER?
WELL
SAY NO MORE, ROCK.
THAT'S WHY I GOT THESE--
TWO COMPLIMENTARY PASSES
TO THE NEW HEALTH SPA
WHERE YOU SWEAT IN LUXURY.
"FLAMBE LE FLAB."
OKAY, LET'S DO IT.
WOW, HEF!
LOOK AT THIS PLACE.
WE GOT TO GET MEMBERSHIPS HERE.
( French accent: )
NOT SO FAST, MONSIEUR.
HOLD IT THERE, BUB.
ENTREE INTO FLAMBE
IS VERY EXCLUSIVE.
\h\h\h\hWE ARE USED
TO A CERTAIN CLIENTELE.
EVERY MOVE IS GRADED
ON THIS CHART.
RIGHT HERE
ON THIS CHART.
\h\h\h\hIF I WERE YOU,
I'D FIND ANOTHER OUTFIT.
VERY TACKY.
EXTREMELY. ATTIRE
MINUS TEN.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hMINUS TEN.
OOH!
OOH?
( boinging )
( crashing )
MY SHORTS ARE CHAFING ME.
\h\h\h\hHEFFER, YOU'RE HERE
TO LOSE THAT BIG GUT, NOT EAT.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hTHE MORE I EAT,
THE MORE WEIGHT I GET TO LOSE.
OKAY, PEOPLE
LET'S GO!
DON'T JUST STAND THERE
LIKE SLUGS ON A CABBAGE.
WHOA!
TA-DA!
HI, EVERYBODY.
FIRST OF ALL, I WANT YOU ALL
TO GIVE YOURSELVES A BIG HAND
FOR JUST BEING HERE.
CAN WE HAVE
A GREAT BIG HUG?
A BIG GROUP HUG.
COME ON.
ALL RIGH
IT'S PARTY TIME.
GET THOSE BODIES WARMED UP.
LET'S GO.
AND ONE AND TWO
AND ON YOUR BACKS.
NOW, GRAB YOUR TUSHIES
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hAND PEDAL.
LET'S GO.
GET UP! GET UP!
NOW, SHAKE THOSE ARMS
AND SWEAT AND SWEAT.
HEY, THIS IS
SORT OF FUN, EH, HEF?
YEAH, BIG FUN.
AND FIVE AND SIX
AND STRETCH AND STRETCH.
COME ON, LET ME SEE
THAT SWEAT COMING OUT.
AND THREE AND FOUR
AND FIVE
THEY'RE TRYING TO KILL ME.
AND SWEAT AND SWEAT.
NOW TURN.
OH, YOU ALL ARE DOING
SO FANTASTIC.
SIDE AND SIDE AND
YOO-HOO, KANGAROO BOY!
YOU WITH THE LITTLE
FLABBY TAIL.
NOW, DON'T HIDE IN THE BACK.
COME ON CLOSER
AND JOIN THE PARTY.
AND FIVE AND SIX.
NOW, MOVE THOSE BUNS,
AND SQUEEZE, SQUEEZE, SQUEEZE.
YEAH!
BLIMEY, DON'T THEY EVER STOP?
IT'S FLYING TIME.
OH, HELLO.
OOF!
YEAH!
MINUS 20 POINTS.
WOW! LOOK AT EVERYBODY
BUILDING BETTER BODIES.
( grunting )
COME ON, HEF.
LET'S WORK
ON OUR PECS.
WHY DON'T YOU TRY
THAT ONE OVER THERE?
OOH! I LIKE IT.
I LIKE IT.
OKAY. I'LL TRY
THIS ONE.
THIS LOOKS
SIMPLE ENOUGH.
WILL THERE BE
ANYTHING ELSE, SIR?
YEAH. THESE PLASTIC THINGS
CAN'T CUT MY BURRITO.
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?
YOU BEEN TO THE TANNING SALON?
HOW ABOU
SOME ROWING, HEF?
OKAY?
OKAY.
OOH!
"AFRICAN QUEEN."
THAT SHOULD
BE NICE.
HEY! I DIDN'T PICK THIS.
Here comes another one of them
sissy exercisin' city boys
sneaking up our river.
( screaming )
Yeehaw!
( grunting )
NOW WE GONNA MAKE YOU
\h\h\h\hSQUEAL, PIGGY.
( squeals )
( squealing )
( screaming )
( pig squealing )
MAN, I FEEL
100% MORE HEALTHY.
YOU DON'T LOOK SO GOOD.
WELL, BOYS, YOU ARE NO
FARING WELL ON OUR CHARTS.
EATING ON AND MISUSE
OF EQUIPMEN
IS SERIOUSLY
FROWNED UPON HERE.
MINUS 40 POINTS.
COME ON, HEFFER.
OH, NO!
I'VE GAINED 200 POUNDS.
I JUST CAN'
DO IT, ROCKO.
I'M BORED WITH
FLAB FLAMBEING.
HEY, GIVE ME THAT!
\h\h\h\hHOW ABOU
SOME BASKETBALL?
THAT'S NOT BORING.
WHAT ABOUT LUNCH?
COME ON, HEF.
TRY AND GET BY ME.
ARGHHH!
( women screaming )
THAT'S GOING TO COST YOU
\h\h\h\hSOME BIG POINTS.
HEY, HOW ABOU
A SWIMMING RACE?
LOSER BUYS LUNCH.
WOOHOO!
( shivering )
COME ON, HEF. WATER'S GREAT.
HEFFER?
( screaming )
HEFFER, YOU'RE REALLY
STARTING TO TICK ME
TSK! TSK! LEON?
JA. TSK!
MM-HMM.
THREE TSKS.
THAT'S A TSK
ALL THE WAY.
TRIPLE TSKS.
WHAT DOES THIS THING DO?
LET ME TELL YOU--
THIS MACHINE
IS WORTH
MORE THAN YOU.
YOU HEAR ME?
IT'S NOT FOR BEGINNERS.
OH, YEAH?
COME ON, YOU'LL SHOW THEM.
UH-OH.
( screaming )
ROCKO?
( yelling )
HEY, CHAMELEON BROTHERS,
COME HERE.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hTHIS GUY'S
HOGGING UP THE MIRROR.
I CAN'T SEE MYSELF.
THIS ISN'T GOING TO LOOK GOOD
ON YOUR CHART, ROCKO.
\hJA, AND YOUR FRIEND AIN'
MAKING OUT SO GOOD NEITHER.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\hHeffer:
BOY, I CAN REALLY USE
\h\h\h\hA COOL ONE NOW.
I'LL TREAT EVEN.
( soft jazz playing )
HOW ABOUT SPRINGING
FOR A COUPLE OF FRUIT SMOOTHIES,
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hPIANO MAN?
WELL, HERE'S TO
OUR FUTURE HEALTHY BODIES.
SPILLED YOUR DRINK, HUH?
HERE, I'LL GET YOU A TOWEL.
OW!
HEY
I THOUGHT YOU HAD
TO WEAR TOWELS IN HERE.
I'M NUDE!
( screaming )
HOLY ENCHILADA!
( screaming )
NICE GOING, HEFFER.
WE CAN KISS OUR MEMBERSHIP
HERE GOOD-BYE.
I'M SORRY, ROCK.
I THOUGHT WE WERE ONLY HERE
'CAUSE YOU WERE CONCERNED
\h\h\h\hABOUT MY HEALTH.
I'M SORRY.
MRS. BIGHEAD JUST PLOWED US
\h\h\h\hWITH A PIANO.
AND I BET A DOLLAR
TO A DOUGHNUT HOLE
IT WAS YOUR FAULT,
\h\h\h\hFAT BOY.
WE'D LIKE YOU
TO LEAVE.
UPS-A-DAISY, 86, GO.
NOW!
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hNOW!
HEY, HEY, HEY, ROCKO!
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
YOU DON'T NEED TO GO.
\hYOU CAN BE IN
OUR EXCLUSIVE CLUB.
I'M IN?
SURE. YES.
WHAT ABOUT HEFFER?
HA!
HEFFER?
HA, HA, HA, HA!
FAT BOY'S GOT TO GO.
I CAN'T JOIN
WITHOUT MY FRIEND.
LISTEN, ROCKO
HE'S NOT COOL
AND HIP LIKE US.
ROCKO, ROCKO, ROCKO
YOU NO WAN
TO BE HANGING
WITH BIG, FAT,
BOVINE DORK MAN.
THAT BOVINE DORK
IS MY BEST FRIEND
AND IF HE'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH
FOR YOUR CLUB
I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
WE DON'T NEED SOME
HOITY-TOITY HEALTH CLUB
TO STAY IN SHAPE, EH, HEF?
NO WAY, MAN.
Heffer:
\hCARE FOR ANOTHER
\hSLICE OF PIZZA?
Rocko:
\hI'M FEELING
\hTHE BURN.
YOU SHOULD BLOW
ON IT FIRST.
THE CHEESE IS HOT.
\h\h\h\h\hHeffer: WHAT?
"THE ALL SCOTTISH SHOW"?
WHY ARE WE WATCHING
A 24-HOUR
BAGPIPE STATION?
TV'S ON THE FRITZ.
IT'S ALL MY LAVA LAMP
\h\h\h\hWILL PICK UP.
SICK CATS SOUND
BETTER THAN THAT.
GET A NEW TV.
CAN'T AFFORD IT.
AS LONG AS
THE LAVA LAMP HOLDS OU
THIS WILL HAVE TO DO.
( screaming )
TELL YOU WHAT, ROCKO.
I'LL JUST SIT OVER HERE
ON THE BEANBAG
LOOKS LIKE YOUR FURNITURE
COULD USE REPLACING TOO.
THIS SOFA'S BEEN
IN MY FAMILY FOR YEARS.
SEE THAT SPOT?
THAT'S SPUNKY'S FIRST SPIT-UP.
AND WHAT ABOUT THIS?
THIS.
I FOUND THAT.
ROCKO, I THINK YOU NEED
\h\h\h\hSOME NEW STUFF.
YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
EVERYTHING IN THIS HOUSE
IS JUNK.
WHAT CAN I DO?
NO MONEY.
SPUNKY, YOUR BOWL--
IT'SIT'S MELTED.
I THOUGHT SPUNKY MIGHT WAN
HIS HEART VALVE BITS WARMED UP.
SORRY, ROCK.
HOW DOES EVERYONE ELSE
KEEP UP WITH THIS?
I CAN'T AFFORD ANYTHING NEW.
MAIL.
JUNK, BILL, JUNK
BILL, BILL, BILL, JUNK.
HEY, LOOK AT THAT ONE.
IT'S GLOWING.
ROCKO, THAT'S IT--
THE ANSWER
TO ALL YOUR PROBLEMS--
PLASTIC!
YOU CAN CHARGE NOW
AND PAY LATER.
I DON'T KNOW, HEFFER.
ROCKO
LOOK AT THIS FACE.
ARE YOU GOING TO DEPRIVE
THIS POOR LITTLE GUY
OF A NEW DOG DISH?
WELL, I GUESS SPUNKY
DOES NEED A NEW BOWL.
GREAT.
YOU CAN DRIVE, RIGHT?
WOW. MANY TREES.
OOH!
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hOOH!
SPLENDOR!
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hSPLENDOR!
LOOK AT ALL
THESE CARS.
WE'LL NEVER PARK.
HEY, ROCKO, LOOK.
THAT GUY'S LEAVING.
LET'S GET HIS SPACE.
AH, ROCKO
HE DUCKED BETWEEN TWO CARS.
QUICK, GET TO THE NEXT AISLE.
Rocko:
STOP GRABBING MY HEAD.
ARE YOU SURE
HE HAS A CAR?
HE LOOKS LIKE A KID.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hHE'S GO
A FIVE-O'CLOCK SHADOW.
HE HAS A CAR.
QUICK, ROCKO,
AROUND THAT CORNER.
WE LOST HIM.
WHY ARE YOU
FOLLOWING ME?!
( choking )
PARKING SPACE.
( sobbing )
I'VE BEEN LOS
FOR YEARS.
I CAN'T FIND MOMMY'S CAR.
MOMMY?
MOMMY? WHERE?
MOMMY, WHERE'S THE CAR, MOMMY?
WHY DON'T WE TRY
THE PARKING GARAGE?
( panting )
THE AIR
IT'S GETTING THIN.
THERE'S NO PARKING SPACES.
ROCKO, MY NOSE IS BLEEDING.
Rocko:
BLAZES.
HOW DO WE GE
TO THE MALL FROM HERE?
THIS WAY.
SON, HAVE YOU
FOUND THE CAR YET?
HEY!
WHA
OH
MAN ALIVE.
WOW.
Please poke my eye.
Ouch.
You are here.
HMM?
DOG BOWLS?
Dog bowls--
\h\h\h\harea two, section three,
level one, sector 24, aisle 19.
CONGRATULATIONS ON HAVING
\h\h\h\hTHE SUPERB TASTE
TO SELECT US
IN YOUR SEARCH
FOR THE PERFEC
CONCAVE RECEPTACLE.
AND WELCOME TO THE INEFFABLE
RESPLENDENCE OF JUST BOWLS.
I ASSUME YOU'D LIKE TO STAR
WITH OUR ULTRA-DELUXE MODEL?
JUST YOUR
BASIC MODEL, PLEASE.
( whimpering )
WELL, MAYBE WE'LL
LOOK AROUND A BIT.
FEAST YOUR EYES
ON THE MOST EXOTIC, SENSUOUS,
GEOMETRIC INVERSE PARABOLAS
EVER TO CARESS
A CANINE SNOUT.
WHY DON'T YOU JUMP ON OUR
\hDOGGIE-STYLE BOWL RIDE?
EVERYBODY ON THEIR
HANDS AND KNEES?
THEN HERE WE GO.
A DUST BOWL.
HIS MASTER'S BOWL.
I HOPE EVERYONE
REMEMBERED TO FLUSH.
( belching )
SUPER BOWL, FISH BOWL,
\h\h\h\hFINGER BOWL
( sniffing )
I SENSE YOU HAVE
A NEW CREDIT CARD.
I CAN FEEL IT ON YOU.
WHAT A CUTE
LITTLE MUTT.
IS THAT A WHIPPET?
Rocko:
HIS NAME IS SPUNKY.
WELL, HE LOOKS
SMART ENOUGH
SO, GO, GO, LITTLE FELLOW.
RUN.
RUN LIKE THE WIND.
\h\h\h\hFIND THAT SPECIAL BOWL
THAT SCREAMS OUT YOUR NAME
STINKY!
Rocko:
THAT'S SPUNKY.
Salesman:
THE LEAK ELITE.
FINE CHOICE.
UH
( cash register ringing )
YIKES!
SEE, ROCKO,
YOU DIDN'T PAY FOR IT.
YOU CHARGED IT.
THANK YOU FOR SHOPPING
\h\h\h\hIT'S JUST BOWLS.
WATCH YOUR STEP ON THE WAY OUT.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
( moaning )
A SAD, CRYING CLOWN
IN AN IRON LUNG.
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED ONE.
OOH, VELVET.
PRE-ELVIS EVEN.
A RARE FIND INDEED.
NO, NO, NO.
TOO EXPENSIVE.
CREDIT CARD.
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
THIS IS TERRIFIC.
I GUESS I COULD GRAB
A FEW MORE THINGS.
I GUESS I GO
A LITTLE CARRIED AWAY.
\h\h\h\hGEE, SPUNKY,
I'M GLAD YOU'RE HAPPY.
I WON'T BE WHEN THE BILL COMES
\h\h\h\hFOR ALL THIS STUFF.
( telephone ringing )
HELLO?
The money!
We want the money!
All of it by 8:00 A.M.,
\h\h\h\hpunk, or else!
HEY, WHY I OUGHT TO
DON'T LET THEM SCARE YOU.
I'LL STICK BY YOU.
I'LL STAND UP
TO THOSE THUGS
"PAY UP BY 8:00 A.M.,
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hOR ELSE."
UH, I GOT TO GO.
( whimpering )
( gulping )
( panting )
( whimpering )
( screaming )
DON'T LEAVE HOME WITHOUT IT.
( maniacal laughter )
( screaming )
( door slamming )
HUH?
( engine starting up )
MYMY SAD, CRYING CLOWN
\h\h\h\hIN AN IRON LUNG.
OH, SPUNKY, WE DON'T NEED
ALL THAT STUFF TO BE HAPPY.
ALL WE NEED IS THIS OLD COUCH
AND EACH OTHER.
( door opening )
SPUNKY.
I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF.
WHEN I FOUND OUT YOU WERE
GOING TO LOSE EVERYTHING
I WENT OUT AND GO
THE LAST ONE.
HEFFER, YOU'RE A PAL.
\h\h\h\h\h\h\h\hBUT, WAIT--
YOU DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY.
HEY, YOU DIDN'T USE
CREDIT, DID YOU?
HECK NO. ONLY AN IDIO
WOULD USE CREDIT.
I USED THIS.
I SOLD MY SECOND STOMACH
FOR CASH.
( bagpipes playing )