Roseanne s03e01 Episode Script
The Test
Ah! Dad, you slept late! Yeow! Well, it's Saturday morning! 2 for 2.
You forgot what you're gonna do today? No way.
I'm going to eat a big breakfast grab that sports page and hide in the John till lunch.
You did forget.
I can't believe it.
A little help.
[Imitates engine.]
[Imitates screeching tires.]
Ptooot! [Imitates siren.]
Oh, yeah, your driving lesson.
Well, let's go.
We got all day.
That's what you said last week, but we just washed your car because "a clean car is an aerodynamic car.
" Guess you won't fall for that again, huh? I think I'm ready for that next step.
Which would be turning innocent pedestrians into street pizza.
Shut up, Darlene.
Dad, come on! Becky, it's Saturday.
The one day of the week we can all spend time together.
Boy, it's a beautiful morning.
It just makes me want to sing! Guys, get out of here.
I have to clean, but you can get out.
Go, unless you want to stay and help me.
Can't.
Promised Becky a driving lesson.
All right! Can I have your car keys? Yeah.
Yeah.
Here they are.
No jokes about how bad a driver I'm going to be? Didn't Darlene take care of that? Yeah.
I crushed her.
There.
What's keeping you? Dan, take D.
J.
Here to his den meeting.
I don't have a den meeting.
Why are you wearing your uniform, stupid? I slept in it, stupid.
Ah, I remember my days as a scout, especially the wilderness training.
We couldn't find any wilderness.
The scoutmaster would drop us in downtown Chicago, and we had to return on our own.
I was one of the lucky ones.
Dan Scout's honor.
Becky's waiting.
Yeah.
Can we go? Can I get some food first? No.
Take it with you.
Everybody go.
Take Darlene with you.
I want to wait for the call with you.
What call? From the highway patrol telling you they've found your husband and most of your daughter.
What'll it take to get everyone to leave? Hi, everybody.
Roseanne, wasn't this going to be your morning alone? It was supposed to be.
They won't go away, like something stuck to the bottom of your shoe.
Like gum? No, not like gum.
It's like being a spy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Is that it? Yep.
It's the most accurate pregnancy test on the market.
All right, let's go.
Relax.
What's the matter Aside from being nine days late? You said save my first morning's urine, right? I've been saving it for seven hours.
You sure Dan doesn't know? He thinks I'm on schedule.
How did you manage that? I faked PMS.
I even added an extra day for fun.
Hey! I had to tell Crystal.
She keeps track of everybody's time of the month so she can send a card.
Let's go.
What do we got here? Directions.
Test kit.
What is this for? That holds the urine.
No.
You do it in the lid first, then you use that dropper.
Oh.
Well, give me the lid.
I got to wash it out first.
Ah! Oh, hey, they got coupons.
You going to use these? "The most advanced type of" it's clean! It's clean! [Knock knock.]
Hi.
Come in.
Are they out there? Yeah.
I didn't say anything.
I just said hi and headed straight here.
They must think we're doing some weird shaving ritual.
Why don't you tell Dan? If it's positive, I'll find some way to tell him so his head don't explode.
How did you tell him about your other kids? With Becky, I said, "Dan, get a job.
" With Darlene, I said, "Dan, get a better job.
" And D.
J.
? Ohh.
Do I have to tell him about D.
J.
? Oh.
Come on, Roseanne.
You got to be a little excited about maybe being pregnant.
Yeah.
I can hardly wait to start puking.
Come on, guys, or my water's going to break.
[Knock knock.]
Oh, geez! Roseanne, what the hell's going on in there? We're worshipping Satan, honey.
We'll be right out.
Come on, Roseanne.
Ohh.
All right, come on in.
The kids don't need to hear this.
Ah.
Ah, I get it.
Dan It's ok.
How a person lives her life is her own business.
So, Jackie, you got drunk and forgot there's a zillion kinds of birth control around? Does Gary know? No, Dan, he doesn't.
Gary's the father, right? If you say so.
Word of advice from a man Don't say a word until you do the test.
Don't upset the guy if you don't have to.
I was just saying like that very same thing.
I was saying that if it is positive, be short, sweet, and right to the point.
You know, kind of like "I'm pregnant, Dan.
" Gary.
Dan.
Gary.
Dan.
Gary! We have to do this in front of everybody? We'll go.
How late? Nine days.
When did this happen? When we were having sex.
But we're always careful.
Whoops.
Come on, honey, go.
I got to do this.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You guys did it again, huh? Did what? They were listening, Dan.
Great.
It's not bad enough this accident is running around? Who's an accident? How can somebody be an accident? Oh, great, ask me.
Thanks, Darlene.
I'm stressed out, ok? Maybe you could think before opening your mouth.
Be quiet.
I'm trying to go.
Shh.
Shut up.
Well, make some noise.
I can't believe you, Darlene.
You're so insensitive.
You got a big butt.
Cut it out.
There's no need for this right now.
We shouldn't upset your mother in her condition.
It's true? We don't know yet.
Keep quiet about it.
What? Come on, Roseanne.
That test takes 10 minutes.
Do what you were doing for another 10 minutes.
8 minutes and 16 seconds.
Thank you, D.
J.
You're welcome.
I'm so excited about this, I could bust in two.
It's like having a baby myself.
Well, now, it's not positive yet.
I know, but thinking about it gets my biological clock ticking away.
Tick, tick.
Just hope I can do something about it before the battery dies.
You want another kid? I hate thinking of my Lonnie as an only child.
I regret not having that girl I dreamed about.
Yeah.
Me, too.
What about you, Jackie? Your little clock must be all wound up.
Crystal I'm a cop.
Cops can get pregnant just like everyone else.
Yeah, but when she wakes up depressed, bloated, and hating the whole world, she gets to carry a gun.
7 minutes and 34 seconds.
D.
J.
! Thank you.
Crystal, maybe we better go.
No.
Hang out.
I'm having trouble with this thing.
I got to get another tool.
The toaster's not even broke.
He doesn't want to discuss this.
You ought to go out after him.
Let him sit out there and nail something else a while.
I think he's sure the test will come out positive.
Why? I've only been late three times before.
Here are two of them now.
Mom, we got to talk about this.
Your having a baby is ok if we agree on some conditions.
Darlene, I was already talking.
Get out of here.
I want to hear your conditions.
Oh, that's quite all right.
Just go right ahead.
Oh, no.
That's fine.
Come on.
Let it rip.
Say I brought a puppy into this house.
It would be my puppy, and I'd care for it.
You won't have time to care for a puppy with all the work you'll have with the new baby.
You don't get this, do you? Yeah, you do.
I shouldn't be expected to clean the baby or wash it, watch it while it sleeps, change it I guess what you're saying is three children are enough for this house.
Well, yeah.
Mm-hmm.
We're going to miss you, Darlene.
So, what's your beef? Uh, do you think we could maybe Are you getting all this, Crystal? Uh, your clock still ticking? Mother, I'm turning 16 this year, right? That depends on what you're about to say.
This is a big year for me.
I would maybe get a sweet 16 party.
I can't wear the same clothes.
God, what would people say? Dad was talking about fixing up some old car for me.
So? So? So none of this is going to happen! When D.
J.
Was a baby, I was 7.
I remember it was always, "the baby needs this, and the baby needs that.
" I do without things 'cause I'm the oldest, and don't you want me to go to college? No, Becky.
We want you to work in a bowling alley.
It was kind of our dream.
You'll never understand how I feel.
You had a car when you were 16.
That's because when I was 16, I had a job.
Well, just forget it.
What were you thinking when you made this baby? I was thinking, "I wonder if I could get pregnant so I could louse up Becky's life.
" Geez, the little brat.
You can never do enough for them I agree.
Can you believe how selfish she is? I mean Go to your room and live in fear! And to think I suckled them.
They're just upset, Roseanne.
It's a lot for them to handle.
How much longer till this test is over? 4 minutes and 19 seconds! I'm going to make coffee.
If you don't want to have this baby, you could get an abortion.
Some say that's murder, Roseanne.
And some say it's not.
And some say you got a choice, but we don't know the test results yet, so we're talking about coffee.
Roseanne.
Bedroom.
Ooh, foreplay for a change.
This shouldn't have happened.
We took precautions.
Well, they didn't work.
You know your fertile time.
Well, excuse me for ovulating.
I didn't mean that.
You meant something like that, like it's my fault.
The family thinks it's my fault.
I didn't mean that.
I'm feeling a little old for this.
I'm 38.
What, like I'm 25? We ain't yuppies.
It ain't hip for us to have babies.
We had them when we were young and stupid like we were supposed to.
It's weird that we're going through this again.
Geez, you are just as bad as the kids.
We have to go through this whole thing again? Well, maybe if we pull together, we all can make this pregnancy thing a lot easier on us.
Like I'll carry the baby, but Darlene gets the morning sickness, Becky gets the backaches, and you get the hemorrhoids.
After the kid's born, I'll do the diapering, but you get up at night and breast-feed it.
I've always helped, and I'll help this time.
Don't call me selfish because I thought we would have time for ourselves.
You've had nine days to adjust.
I've had 10 minutes.
Almost done, mom, dad! 1 minute and 58 seconds.
Thank you, D.
J.
Was I an accident? No, D.
J.
You were A surprise.
What's the difference? Hmm, well An accident is something that if you had to do it over again, you wouldn't.
But a surprise is something you didn't know you wanted till you got it.
Was Darlene an accident? No.
Darlene was a disaster.
Darlene says I'm not going to be the baby anymore, so nobody's going to pay any attention to me.
I'll tell you what, honey, what if we pay lots and lots of attention to you? I'll be happy if you have a baby.
That's sweet.
I get a chance to kick some butt.
Ah, tradition.
It's a remarkable thing.
Time! It's time! It's time! I might not be pregnant.
We might be yelling for no reason.
We're rehearsing for next time.
No.
There's not going to be any next time because I'm getting fixed.
You mean get your tubes tied? Uh, no, I mean get my knees sewn together.
I'm serious.
That's like an operation.
You would be in the hospital.
Well, you know, Dan, it's just a little bit more complicated than, say, a vasectomy.
Yeah.
Well, you know what? You're right.
I could take time and drive you down there.
Uh-huh.
So you want to be alone or No.
Come on in.
What do I do now, Jackie? Read the test stick.
Pink is yes.
White is no.
Aunt Jackie told me.
I'll read the stick.
I want to read the stick.
Geez, D.
J.
, it's not like licking the spoon.
Mom! All right, you can.
Hold it.
Hold it.
I have something to say.
All right, if this test is positive, uh, I expect all of your support.
I'm not even going to ask you for it.
You're just going to give it.
You can do it.
Pretend like you're some other family.
Ok.
Fine.
Yep.
All right, go.
Ok.
Tell us what it is.
Pink is yes.
White is no.
It's white.
No way.
- Yes! - Yes! - Yes! - Yes! Come on.
I'm sorry, Roseanne.
I'll talk to you later, sis.
Thanks for coming by.
That's what I do best.
I'm going to go shoot some hoops.
Ok.
So you'll be here when I get back? Right.
I didn't mean the stuff I said before.
Yes, you did.
Ok, I did, but, um, I'm sorry.
Ok? Mmm.
Ok.
Uh, Dan, Becky wants her driving lesson.
Meet me in the car, Beck.
D.
J.
, did you eat your breakfast yet? Ok.
What would you have named it? Jack for a boy, and Priscilla for a girl.
Mom! There's a whole new box on the top shelf! I can't find it! Of course not.
Well, you want me to stick around? You want some company? Uh, no, I've got company.
Kid's got your face.
I'm amazed just looking at him.
Yeah.
None look like me.
That won't stand up in court.
Damn.
I'm going to watch TV.
I'll clean it up.
Yeah? All right.
[Car horn honks.]
Becky.
I You know that thing you were gonna do, that tube tying thing? I'm not gonna.
Yeah, ok.
[Siren approaches.]
Oh, my god.
Roseanne, don't worry.
Everybody's ok.
There was a little accident.
I drove them home.
What happened? I can't believe it.
I'll tell the story if you don't mind.
We're going up a hill.
The engine's straining a little.
I say, "Becky, put in low.
" Becky puts it in reverse.
Now we're going down the hill to the surprise of the traffic behind us.
This isn't fair.
I don't think we need to hear from you.
So I'm calm.
I say, "Becky, put on the brake.
" She panics.
She romps on the gas.
Warp speed, Roseanne.
Cars are swerving, honking.
I reach over to apply the brake with my hand.
Then Becky remembers where the brake is.
Did you hit anything? Not yet.
That didn't happen until You understand how I felt.
I didn't trust her behind the wheel, so we switch places.
Your daughter, left the car in reverse.
So, I back into a tree.
I'm never riding with that man again.
I kept a lid on it 'cause it's family, but I hate to see something like this go unpunished.
I'll take care of that.
Dan Bedroom.
You forgot what you're gonna do today? No way.
I'm going to eat a big breakfast grab that sports page and hide in the John till lunch.
You did forget.
I can't believe it.
A little help.
[Imitates engine.]
[Imitates screeching tires.]
Ptooot! [Imitates siren.]
Oh, yeah, your driving lesson.
Well, let's go.
We got all day.
That's what you said last week, but we just washed your car because "a clean car is an aerodynamic car.
" Guess you won't fall for that again, huh? I think I'm ready for that next step.
Which would be turning innocent pedestrians into street pizza.
Shut up, Darlene.
Dad, come on! Becky, it's Saturday.
The one day of the week we can all spend time together.
Boy, it's a beautiful morning.
It just makes me want to sing! Guys, get out of here.
I have to clean, but you can get out.
Go, unless you want to stay and help me.
Can't.
Promised Becky a driving lesson.
All right! Can I have your car keys? Yeah.
Yeah.
Here they are.
No jokes about how bad a driver I'm going to be? Didn't Darlene take care of that? Yeah.
I crushed her.
There.
What's keeping you? Dan, take D.
J.
Here to his den meeting.
I don't have a den meeting.
Why are you wearing your uniform, stupid? I slept in it, stupid.
Ah, I remember my days as a scout, especially the wilderness training.
We couldn't find any wilderness.
The scoutmaster would drop us in downtown Chicago, and we had to return on our own.
I was one of the lucky ones.
Dan Scout's honor.
Becky's waiting.
Yeah.
Can we go? Can I get some food first? No.
Take it with you.
Everybody go.
Take Darlene with you.
I want to wait for the call with you.
What call? From the highway patrol telling you they've found your husband and most of your daughter.
What'll it take to get everyone to leave? Hi, everybody.
Roseanne, wasn't this going to be your morning alone? It was supposed to be.
They won't go away, like something stuck to the bottom of your shoe.
Like gum? No, not like gum.
It's like being a spy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Is that it? Yep.
It's the most accurate pregnancy test on the market.
All right, let's go.
Relax.
What's the matter Aside from being nine days late? You said save my first morning's urine, right? I've been saving it for seven hours.
You sure Dan doesn't know? He thinks I'm on schedule.
How did you manage that? I faked PMS.
I even added an extra day for fun.
Hey! I had to tell Crystal.
She keeps track of everybody's time of the month so she can send a card.
Let's go.
What do we got here? Directions.
Test kit.
What is this for? That holds the urine.
No.
You do it in the lid first, then you use that dropper.
Oh.
Well, give me the lid.
I got to wash it out first.
Ah! Oh, hey, they got coupons.
You going to use these? "The most advanced type of" it's clean! It's clean! [Knock knock.]
Hi.
Come in.
Are they out there? Yeah.
I didn't say anything.
I just said hi and headed straight here.
They must think we're doing some weird shaving ritual.
Why don't you tell Dan? If it's positive, I'll find some way to tell him so his head don't explode.
How did you tell him about your other kids? With Becky, I said, "Dan, get a job.
" With Darlene, I said, "Dan, get a better job.
" And D.
J.
? Ohh.
Do I have to tell him about D.
J.
? Oh.
Come on, Roseanne.
You got to be a little excited about maybe being pregnant.
Yeah.
I can hardly wait to start puking.
Come on, guys, or my water's going to break.
[Knock knock.]
Oh, geez! Roseanne, what the hell's going on in there? We're worshipping Satan, honey.
We'll be right out.
Come on, Roseanne.
Ohh.
All right, come on in.
The kids don't need to hear this.
Ah.
Ah, I get it.
Dan It's ok.
How a person lives her life is her own business.
So, Jackie, you got drunk and forgot there's a zillion kinds of birth control around? Does Gary know? No, Dan, he doesn't.
Gary's the father, right? If you say so.
Word of advice from a man Don't say a word until you do the test.
Don't upset the guy if you don't have to.
I was just saying like that very same thing.
I was saying that if it is positive, be short, sweet, and right to the point.
You know, kind of like "I'm pregnant, Dan.
" Gary.
Dan.
Gary.
Dan.
Gary! We have to do this in front of everybody? We'll go.
How late? Nine days.
When did this happen? When we were having sex.
But we're always careful.
Whoops.
Come on, honey, go.
I got to do this.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You guys did it again, huh? Did what? They were listening, Dan.
Great.
It's not bad enough this accident is running around? Who's an accident? How can somebody be an accident? Oh, great, ask me.
Thanks, Darlene.
I'm stressed out, ok? Maybe you could think before opening your mouth.
Be quiet.
I'm trying to go.
Shh.
Shut up.
Well, make some noise.
I can't believe you, Darlene.
You're so insensitive.
You got a big butt.
Cut it out.
There's no need for this right now.
We shouldn't upset your mother in her condition.
It's true? We don't know yet.
Keep quiet about it.
What? Come on, Roseanne.
That test takes 10 minutes.
Do what you were doing for another 10 minutes.
8 minutes and 16 seconds.
Thank you, D.
J.
You're welcome.
I'm so excited about this, I could bust in two.
It's like having a baby myself.
Well, now, it's not positive yet.
I know, but thinking about it gets my biological clock ticking away.
Tick, tick.
Just hope I can do something about it before the battery dies.
You want another kid? I hate thinking of my Lonnie as an only child.
I regret not having that girl I dreamed about.
Yeah.
Me, too.
What about you, Jackie? Your little clock must be all wound up.
Crystal I'm a cop.
Cops can get pregnant just like everyone else.
Yeah, but when she wakes up depressed, bloated, and hating the whole world, she gets to carry a gun.
7 minutes and 34 seconds.
D.
J.
! Thank you.
Crystal, maybe we better go.
No.
Hang out.
I'm having trouble with this thing.
I got to get another tool.
The toaster's not even broke.
He doesn't want to discuss this.
You ought to go out after him.
Let him sit out there and nail something else a while.
I think he's sure the test will come out positive.
Why? I've only been late three times before.
Here are two of them now.
Mom, we got to talk about this.
Your having a baby is ok if we agree on some conditions.
Darlene, I was already talking.
Get out of here.
I want to hear your conditions.
Oh, that's quite all right.
Just go right ahead.
Oh, no.
That's fine.
Come on.
Let it rip.
Say I brought a puppy into this house.
It would be my puppy, and I'd care for it.
You won't have time to care for a puppy with all the work you'll have with the new baby.
You don't get this, do you? Yeah, you do.
I shouldn't be expected to clean the baby or wash it, watch it while it sleeps, change it I guess what you're saying is three children are enough for this house.
Well, yeah.
Mm-hmm.
We're going to miss you, Darlene.
So, what's your beef? Uh, do you think we could maybe Are you getting all this, Crystal? Uh, your clock still ticking? Mother, I'm turning 16 this year, right? That depends on what you're about to say.
This is a big year for me.
I would maybe get a sweet 16 party.
I can't wear the same clothes.
God, what would people say? Dad was talking about fixing up some old car for me.
So? So? So none of this is going to happen! When D.
J.
Was a baby, I was 7.
I remember it was always, "the baby needs this, and the baby needs that.
" I do without things 'cause I'm the oldest, and don't you want me to go to college? No, Becky.
We want you to work in a bowling alley.
It was kind of our dream.
You'll never understand how I feel.
You had a car when you were 16.
That's because when I was 16, I had a job.
Well, just forget it.
What were you thinking when you made this baby? I was thinking, "I wonder if I could get pregnant so I could louse up Becky's life.
" Geez, the little brat.
You can never do enough for them I agree.
Can you believe how selfish she is? I mean Go to your room and live in fear! And to think I suckled them.
They're just upset, Roseanne.
It's a lot for them to handle.
How much longer till this test is over? 4 minutes and 19 seconds! I'm going to make coffee.
If you don't want to have this baby, you could get an abortion.
Some say that's murder, Roseanne.
And some say it's not.
And some say you got a choice, but we don't know the test results yet, so we're talking about coffee.
Roseanne.
Bedroom.
Ooh, foreplay for a change.
This shouldn't have happened.
We took precautions.
Well, they didn't work.
You know your fertile time.
Well, excuse me for ovulating.
I didn't mean that.
You meant something like that, like it's my fault.
The family thinks it's my fault.
I didn't mean that.
I'm feeling a little old for this.
I'm 38.
What, like I'm 25? We ain't yuppies.
It ain't hip for us to have babies.
We had them when we were young and stupid like we were supposed to.
It's weird that we're going through this again.
Geez, you are just as bad as the kids.
We have to go through this whole thing again? Well, maybe if we pull together, we all can make this pregnancy thing a lot easier on us.
Like I'll carry the baby, but Darlene gets the morning sickness, Becky gets the backaches, and you get the hemorrhoids.
After the kid's born, I'll do the diapering, but you get up at night and breast-feed it.
I've always helped, and I'll help this time.
Don't call me selfish because I thought we would have time for ourselves.
You've had nine days to adjust.
I've had 10 minutes.
Almost done, mom, dad! 1 minute and 58 seconds.
Thank you, D.
J.
Was I an accident? No, D.
J.
You were A surprise.
What's the difference? Hmm, well An accident is something that if you had to do it over again, you wouldn't.
But a surprise is something you didn't know you wanted till you got it.
Was Darlene an accident? No.
Darlene was a disaster.
Darlene says I'm not going to be the baby anymore, so nobody's going to pay any attention to me.
I'll tell you what, honey, what if we pay lots and lots of attention to you? I'll be happy if you have a baby.
That's sweet.
I get a chance to kick some butt.
Ah, tradition.
It's a remarkable thing.
Time! It's time! It's time! I might not be pregnant.
We might be yelling for no reason.
We're rehearsing for next time.
No.
There's not going to be any next time because I'm getting fixed.
You mean get your tubes tied? Uh, no, I mean get my knees sewn together.
I'm serious.
That's like an operation.
You would be in the hospital.
Well, you know, Dan, it's just a little bit more complicated than, say, a vasectomy.
Yeah.
Well, you know what? You're right.
I could take time and drive you down there.
Uh-huh.
So you want to be alone or No.
Come on in.
What do I do now, Jackie? Read the test stick.
Pink is yes.
White is no.
Aunt Jackie told me.
I'll read the stick.
I want to read the stick.
Geez, D.
J.
, it's not like licking the spoon.
Mom! All right, you can.
Hold it.
Hold it.
I have something to say.
All right, if this test is positive, uh, I expect all of your support.
I'm not even going to ask you for it.
You're just going to give it.
You can do it.
Pretend like you're some other family.
Ok.
Fine.
Yep.
All right, go.
Ok.
Tell us what it is.
Pink is yes.
White is no.
It's white.
No way.
- Yes! - Yes! - Yes! - Yes! Come on.
I'm sorry, Roseanne.
I'll talk to you later, sis.
Thanks for coming by.
That's what I do best.
I'm going to go shoot some hoops.
Ok.
So you'll be here when I get back? Right.
I didn't mean the stuff I said before.
Yes, you did.
Ok, I did, but, um, I'm sorry.
Ok? Mmm.
Ok.
Uh, Dan, Becky wants her driving lesson.
Meet me in the car, Beck.
D.
J.
, did you eat your breakfast yet? Ok.
What would you have named it? Jack for a boy, and Priscilla for a girl.
Mom! There's a whole new box on the top shelf! I can't find it! Of course not.
Well, you want me to stick around? You want some company? Uh, no, I've got company.
Kid's got your face.
I'm amazed just looking at him.
Yeah.
None look like me.
That won't stand up in court.
Damn.
I'm going to watch TV.
I'll clean it up.
Yeah? All right.
[Car horn honks.]
Becky.
I You know that thing you were gonna do, that tube tying thing? I'm not gonna.
Yeah, ok.
[Siren approaches.]
Oh, my god.
Roseanne, don't worry.
Everybody's ok.
There was a little accident.
I drove them home.
What happened? I can't believe it.
I'll tell the story if you don't mind.
We're going up a hill.
The engine's straining a little.
I say, "Becky, put in low.
" Becky puts it in reverse.
Now we're going down the hill to the surprise of the traffic behind us.
This isn't fair.
I don't think we need to hear from you.
So I'm calm.
I say, "Becky, put on the brake.
" She panics.
She romps on the gas.
Warp speed, Roseanne.
Cars are swerving, honking.
I reach over to apply the brake with my hand.
Then Becky remembers where the brake is.
Did you hit anything? Not yet.
That didn't happen until You understand how I felt.
I didn't trust her behind the wheel, so we switch places.
Your daughter, left the car in reverse.
So, I back into a tree.
I'm never riding with that man again.
I kept a lid on it 'cause it's family, but I hate to see something like this go unpunished.
I'll take care of that.
Dan Bedroom.