Rugrats (2021) s01e03 Episode Script

[drumroll]
[bright music]
[vacuum whirs]
- [giggling]
- [whimpering]
[screams]
- Whoa!
[frog ribbiting]
[both giggling]
♪
[horn honks]
[cat groans]
- Ta-da!
- Whoa!
- [giggles]
- [yelling]
- Aww.
♪
- [sniffing]
- Come on, Spike. Fetch.
- [barks]
- [grunts]
- [laughs]
Can't catch me.
- [laughs]
Come and get it.
- Good doggy.
- [barks]
- [laughing]
- Thanks for all the kisses,
Spike.
- Sometimes I wish I had
a bestest doggy friend
like Spike.
- I can be your doggy, Chuckie.
- Me too.
- Me too too.
But I gotta warn you,
I'm a drooler.
- I'll be
a Susie-huahua doggy.
[all imitating dogs]
[laughter]
- Oh, that tickles.
- Okay, okay,
that's one tongue three many.
[laughs]
- Aww, sweet.
Kids and dogs go together
like coffee and cream.
- Nuts and bolts.
- Bermuda shorts and chafing.
- And look how happy
Chuckie is.
Every kid should have a pet,
don't you think?
- [laughing]
Absolutely.
Unless, of course, they're
allergic to dog hair like me.
- Remember when we were kids?
I mean, I had my dog Mookie.
But all you ever had
was Goldilocks.
- Oh, Goldilocks, my goldfish.
I loved that girl.
At least I think
she was a girl.
It's hard to tell with fish.
We had some real nice words
about her or him
before we flushed.
But it's okay
about not having a dog.
I've learned to accept
what I can't control.
- But what if you could
control it?
Gotta go.
- But Stu, it takes three
to plant rhubarb.
- [mumbling]
Yes!
[tools whirring]
[possum screeches]
[upbeat music]
[laughter]
- [barks]
♪
- All right, buddy, you ready
for your big surprise?
- Is it barbecue chips?
Your fingers smell
like barbecue chips.
- Oh, yeah,
I ate a bunch of chips
and didn't wash my hands.
But now for the real surprise.
Ta-da!
- Wow.
- Meet Rusty.
I've invented the perfect pet
for you and Chuckie,
a robot dog.
He's completely hypoallergenic,
and he won't go belly up
after three days.
- Listen, it's not that I don't
appreciate your thoughtfulness.
I'm just not a dog guy.
- You're not a dog guy
'cause you've never had one.
Now Chuckie
will have that chance.
- But Stu, it looks
so complicated.
- No, I made it easy.
Here's his remote control.
Watch.
- Woof. Bark. Woof.
I have to go potty now.
- Deal breaker.
I have enough potty issues
with Chuckie.
- Got you covered, Chas.
It's not poop that comes out.
It's jelly beans.
Eh? Eh?
And I've programmed him
with all the classic dog modes.
Protection. Playtime.
Doggy tricks.
- Woof. Bark. Woof.
- And affection.
It'll be the full
pet owner experience
without the expensive
vet bills.
- I guess we could see
if Chuckie likes him.
- Pleasure to meet you.
- Do you think
we could dial down
the affection mode
just a smidge?
- [barks]
[possum chitters]
- Hey, little champ.
How're you doing?
Tommy's daddy has
a surprise for you.
- [yawns]
[screams]
- Bark. Woof. Bark.
- It's okay. It's okay.
This is Rusty, your new dog.
He won't hurt you.
Will he, Stu?
- 'Course not.
He's a good doggy.
Aren't you, Rusty?
You two are gonna love
playing together.
- Pet me more.
- Okay, Rusty, you stay here.
I'm gonna go play over there.
Stop following me. Agh!
- Pet me more.
- Um, okay,
- Woof. Bark. Woof. Thank you.
- [laughs]
You'll never find me, Rusty.
[giggles]
- Woof. Bark. Woof.
Ready or not, here I come.
[beeps]
Ha. Ha. Ha.
- [screams]
[laughs]
And fetch!
[grunts]
[laughs]
- Woof. Bark. Woof-woof bark.
[rapid barking]
- Roll over.
And roll, and roll, and roll
- You know what, Stu,
when you're right,
you're right,
except for that time
you convinced me
to buy a cowboy hat.
[horse neighs]
[quirky music]
- Look, guys.
I gots a doggy now too.
His name is Rusty.
- Woof. Bark. Woof.
- Awesome.
- Whoa!
- That's the amazingest doggy
I ever seen.
- Is that dog from outer space?
- That's a doggy?
He's kind of shiny.
And clanky.
[metal clanking]
- Lick. Lick. Lick.
- [laughs]
- Rusty's a really good boy.
- Woof. Bark. Woof.
I have to go potty now.
- [barks]
[sniffs]
[growls]
[all screaming]
- It's okay.
They're just jelly beans.
[both giggling]
- [cheering]
- [chewing]
- Aw. Sweet dreams, pal.
- [whimpering]
[suspenseful music]
[whimpering]
[bass-heavy music]
[muffler bangs]
[alarm blaring]
[dogs barking]
- What?
[screams]
[screams]
The remote. Where's the remote?
Stu!
- Uh-oh. Be right there.
[alarm blaring]
[dogs barking]
[keypad beeps]
[alarm stops]
There. That should do it.
Good as new again.
- Hey Stu, I don't think
this is working out.
Chuckie could develop a fear
of all things metal.
And what would that look like?
He might never wear braces.
Or make toast.
- I'll just recalibrate Rusty
to be more helpful.
Everything will be fine.
Nice PJs.
[laughter]
- Boing boing!
- Hey, Chuckie. Where's Rusty?
- [whispering]
Shh. I sneaked away from him.
- How come?
- He's been acting all weird
and scary.
Your daddy said he fixed him
and made him helper-a-ful,
but--oh, shh.
Here he comes.
[jets whooshing]
- [grunts]
Oh, well, he doesn't look
scary now.
Come on,
let's play bouncy ball.
- Well, all right.
[laughter]
- Hey.
That's no fair.
- Yeah, we want a turn too.
- Rusty's wrecking the game.
- Rusty, you're not 'apposed
to keep pushing the ball to me.
We're--
[babbling]
[beeping]
[bird squawks]
[satellite beeping]
- Bye, bouncy ball.
- You never miss 'em
till they're gone.
- Sorry, guys.
Guess we'll have to play
something else.
- I know. Reptar Attack.
[growling]
- [laughs]
- [gasps]
- No, Rusty. Quit helping me.
No, I don't want it.
- [grunting]
[tense music]
[all grunting]
♪
[all groan]
- Aw, Reptar's all yucky now.
- I can live with it.
- This is terrible!
Rusty won't let Chuckie
have fun with us anymore.
- No, I can still have fun.
I just--aah!
- Woof. Bark. Woof.
Time to go home.
- [screaming]
- I had a feeling
it would end like this.
- There's Tommy and Susie
and Phil and Lil.
Oh, remember when we used
to be so happy?
They'd all splash
and play in mud
and I'd watch from a safe
distance across the yard.
Oh, those were the days
[babbling]
- Aww.
My sad little man.
It's that scary robot,
isn't it?
Well, we're gonna give that
jelly bean pooper right back
to Tommy's daddy
right now, we are.
- Woof. Bark. Woof.
Dog catcher. Dog catcher.
- Why would Stu program
a dog catcher mode?
I'm just an oboe player!
Second chair!
- Woof. Bark. Woof. Woof.
[piano keys clanging]
- [screams]
How do I keep
losing the remote?
[screams]
- Woof. Bark. Woof.
[suspenseful music]
Woof. Bark. Woof.
Woof. Bark. Woof.
Woof. Bark. Woof.
♪
- Agh!
[screams]
[gasps]
[menacing tone]
[gasping]
- Woof. Bark. Woof. Intruder.
- [screams]
- Help!
We've gotta save my daddy!
- I got your backs, Chuckie.
A baby's gotta do
what a baby's gotta do.
My trusty Studriver
to the rescue!
[beeps]
[mechanical humming]
[jets whooshing]
- There it goes,
probably my most perfect
imperfect invention.
- Oh, that's not true, honey.
You've had hundreds of them.
- Oh, my gosh!
I thought that soulless hunk
of metal was gonna eat me!
- No worries.
I'll build a better one for you
with no bugs.
- Stu, I don't want
another Rusty.
- But Chas,
Chuckie needs a pet.
- What I think Chas is saying
is that he might want
a nice simple pet for Chuckie,
like a hermit crab.
- Hermit crab?
I've heard they're a very
quiet, sensitive species.
- I'm sorry.
Sometimes I get carried away.
- [barks]
- [laughs]
Thanks, Spike.
Guess I don't need my own
bestest doggy friend after all.
- That's right, Chuckie.
You got all your
bestest friends right here.
- [barks]
- Phil, save some for later.
- Sorry. Doody calls.
[bright music]
[exciting sci-fi music]
- [growling]
[roars]
- Reptar.
- In space.
- Wow.
[both whining and grunting]
- I don't know what's wrong
with these two.
They used to be my happy
little Jordan and Pippen,
John and Paul,
peanut butter and jelly.
Now they're more like
I don't know.
- Oh.
Peanut butter and onion?
- That's actually not
a bad sandwich.
[upbeat music]
- Cynthia, here's your green
nacho tea latte.
- Jonathan, what did you do
to my green matcha latte?
It's unusually delicious today.
- [laughs]
Oh, just an extra sprinkle of--
- Oh, who am I kidding?
There's nothing
that can take away the stress
of this city council job.
What I need is a spa day.
- Excellent idea.
I'll book you
a spa appointment at once.
- I also need cucumber slices
for my eyes and ice cold water.
- Now?
But I am driving.
- Eh, you'll find a way.
- Did you hear that, Cynthia?
Mommy gets whatever she wants
'cause she's got a Jonathan.
[gasps]
You're right!
I need a Jonathan too.
- [roars]
[lasers zapping]
[all gasp]
- Get out of there, Reptar!
- Hi, Aunt Didi.
Hi, Aunt Betty.
Mommy can't stay on account of
she's skipping work
and having a spa day.
- Hmm.
- Can you believe it?
All of my meetings
were canceled.
I would have invited
you ladies,
but, well, then who would
watch the children?
[laughs]
- You know what would be nice?
To have our own spa day
right here.
- Count me in.
- But--I already have--
- I'll whip up some facials.
- But that's not--
Jonathan!
- An afternoon off. Score!
[laughs]
- All right.
Let's get this going.
- [roaring]
[exciting sci-fi music]
♪
- Psst. Finster.
Talk to me for a sec.
- I-I-I don't want any trouble,
Angelica.
- No trouble.
I wanna play a new game.
It's called Be My Jonathan.
I made it up special
for you and me.
I'd ask Tommy,
but you know how he gets.
- Reptar, use your laser beams!
- I have been trying to be
more adventurous lately.
- Good.
Now go get
the frosted animal cookies
out of the bag Aunt Didi hides
behind the Hanukkah stuff.
- Where's that?
- In the pantry.
- But where?
- The bottom shelf.
- How many cookies?
- Only the pink ones.
- Okay.
[quirky music]
What's a pantry?
- Ugh!
Chucky, you're bad at this.
- I tried to tell you that.
- You're fired!
- Shh.
- Oh, hello, Susie Carmichael.
Do you want to play Be my Jo--
- Nope. Never. No way.
- Lil.
Move. I can't see.
- You move, Phil.
This is my spot.
- [grunts]
- Excuse me, Phillip.
- You told me to move, Lillian.
- Here's a good spot, Phil.
- That's okay, Tommy.
I'm gonna go
play blocks or something.
[grunting]
- Hello, Phil.
How'd you like to play
a new game
called Be My Jonathan?
- Sounds boring.
I like trains. And mud.
- [sighs]
My mistake.
It is kind of a hard game.
Maybe I should ask
someone else, like Lil.
- Uh, no! Ask me.
What do I have to do?
- You have to drive
my Cynthia car
while I ride in the back
and call you Jonathan.
- But you said if we ever
touched your Cynthia car,
you'd tie us up
with extra-long socks.
- Shh.
- [whispering]
I say a lot of things.
Do you want to drive
the car or not?
- Is Phil okay?
- Don't know and don't care.
He's been in a bad mood
for days.
Maybe even minutes.
Forget about him.
Let's us play!
- [whining]
Tommy.
- [roaring]
- Mush! Mush!
- [breathing heavily]
- Mush! Mush!
Good doggy.
Crabby Phil never let me
mush that long.
- Water. Need water.
- [panting]
[upbeat music]
- Maybe it's the leftover
guacamole on my face talking,
but I'm starting
to feel better.
- Betty's been having some
behavior issues with the twins.
- Well, we can't all be
a perfect mother.
- Char, you're hysterical.
- [laughs]
Don't call me Char.
- Jonathan, I'm ready
for my latte now.
[grunts]
[sighs]
[slurps]
[spits]
Jonathan!
I said half apple,
half cranberry!
- I'm gonna drive the car now!
[engine revs]
- Whoa!
- [laughs]
[upbeat pop music]
♪
[tires squeal]
♪
- Yuck.
- [blows raspberry]
- Hmph.
[mischievous music]
Chuckie, if you're gonna be
my new,
more fun, better Phil
[chewing]
You're gonna have to try
new foods with me.
- But I don't wants
to eat dog food.
- I know it's not as good
as fish food,
but it's way better
than cat food.
- Mmm, mmm, mmm.
[gags, coughs]
Disgusting!
[spits]
- [barks]
- [panting]
- No fair.
Me and Lil always try
new foods together.
- Oh, Jonathan, it's time
for my beauty treatment.
Did you bring my cucumber
pieces and spa day stuff?
- Uh, I think so. Here.
[frog ribbits]
- [screaming]
- Here.
- [screams]
Not in my mouth!
Not in my mouth!
- Crabby Phil loves frogs.
Oh, maybe I miss Crabby Phil,
a little.
- [whimpering]
Me too.
[ribbiting]
- Okay.
[bones cracking]
- Ow!
- Well, I feel more relaxed.
How about you, Char?
- To be clear, Betty,
when I booked a spa day,
I just needed exfoliation
and a little time to myself.
Is that too much to ask?
- Not at all.
Sometimes little things
pile up,
like babies and bottles
and bath toys
and the constant struggle
for identity
and an overly-judgy,
soul-sapping,
social-media-obsessed world!
Oh, I don't know
where that came from.
[sighs]
- Whoa. Hmm.
[phone dialing]
- Jonathan,
this homegrown spa day
is not what I needed.
Get back here with an excuse
for me to go back to work
before I turn feral!
- [roaring]
[triumphant music]
♪
- Wow!
Reptar was amazing this times.
Right, Chuckie?
Chuckie?
- Hey, where'd everybody go?
- Hey, Phil. Where's Lil?
- She's with Chuckie now.
[grunting]
And I'm a Jonathan.
- What's a Jonathan?
- It's a new game
I'm playing with Angelica.
Oops, I hasta pick up Cynthia
from her spa "appoinkment."
- Right.
So what's the fun part
of the game?
- Oh, I get to drive
the car around,
andthat's the only fun part.
- Wouldn't you rather play
with us?
And Lil?
- Can't. I'm in too deep.
- Jonathan, what's taking
so long?!
I wanna see Cynthia
all glowy and relaxed!
- Gotta go.
Angelica says
a Jonathan never rests.
Bye.
- You know who could get Phil
out of this mess?
- [grunting]
Your turn next, Chuckie.
- We had a good run,
you and me.
But I just want everything
to go back to norman.
- Need your help, Lil.
- We wants to play with Phil,
but he's stuck playing
a new game with Angelica.
- I do not know
anyone named Phillip.
Go on.
- The only one who can get Phil
out of trouble is you.
- It's true.
I gets lots of practice.
- Jonathan, are you there?
- I'm here,
Ms. Important City Lady.
- Good.
Now, are you sure you turned
the knob three times?
This mist level
feels like five.
- Sorry, Your Excellently.
- Oh, Phillip,
Phillip, Phillip.
- Ooh, can you help him, Lil?
- I'm not sure
anyone can help him.
- Nah, this is a peasy one.
Watch.
[mischievous music]
♪
[grunts]
[hose groaning]
- Jonathan, where's my mist?
I can't wait
around here all day!
[yelling]
[screams]
You're fired!
- [barking]
[laughter]
- I really missed you today.
What were we fighting
about anyway?
- I do not know.
Got anymore
of that doggie food?
- Thought you'd never ask.
[both laugh]
[bright music]
♪