Run the Burbs (2022) s01e07 Episode Script

Phamily Matters

1 Whoa.
My last post is, like, really blowing up.
That's nuts.
My mum's palak paneer.
Vegetarian and the goat.
Give the people what they want.
I can hardly keep up with these messages.
- Okay.
Ready? - Uh-huh.
- Ow, ow, ow! Ooh.
- Ow.
- Okay.
- Good haul.
That is some of your finest work.
So, I found this old trucker hat of mine in the garage today, and it got me thinking about date night.
I was going to say, it looks really filthy.
Hands off the hat.
Let's take it back to 2005, when it all started.
Let's recreate our first date.
Like, a first-date date? That's what I was going to call it.
Well, you could pick me up, and we could go to Mama Hien's restaurant.
And we can even bust out the old outfits.
Oh, I don't think we have those.
Oh, I got them in safekeeping with our wedding clothes.
Does that surprise you? No.
Maybe I'll even frost the old tips.
And I can do my Mischa Barton beach wave, hmm? Ooh.
You already did it, didn't you? What? No.
It's so cool.
I mean, you're lucky you got a second date.
People in the burbs do not know how to order.
That's not a person.
That's Barb.
By the way, thanks for taking care of Leo.
Khia has a birthday party, and I still don't know why my dad can't do it.
Well, I am honoured to be your third choice.
Oh, top three.
Look at you.
Is it weird that I'm kind of nervous - about this first-date date? - Yeah.
It's super weird.
I mean, it's also cute.
You know, keeping the spark alive.
'Cause relationships are exhausting.
I mean, sometimes.
But our first date was perfection.
He picked me up, we went for dinner, then we went to a drive-in and we made out like horny teens.
We were actually 20.
Super basic.
But I mean, I'm sure it was special in its own way.
This is pretty big for our friendship, right? I mean, me coming over to babysit your kid on a Saturday night.
I feel like this is a tent-pole moment.
I was actually kind of shocked that you were free.
Well, yeah.
You have hottie-what's-her-name to thank for cancelling our date.
- Oh.
- Oh.
I'm so sorry that took a long time.
I am allergic to kiwi, so I had to get them to clean everything.
Don't you have a baby shower to ruin or something? Oh, you're hilarious.
Babies can't take showers.
- I like her.
- No, you don't.
Yeah, I do.
Practised my form, I then broke out Like I broke out the norm Hey, frosty.
What's going on, Walter White? You breaking bad? No, and you can't make references to shows you won't let me watch.
- What is all this? - Uh, it's for Mannix's birthday.
Should I have got her something? Why would you have gotten her something? - I'll just sign the card.
- Uh, no.
It's just I haven't even written anything in it yet.
I want to write something nice.
So, you two have been hanging out a lot lately.
- Dad! - Khia, feelings are my jam.
Please let me help you.
So, when I used to write cards for someone I was spending a lot of time with This is going to be a nightmare.
I would write from the heart.
Make her feel special.
Take her on a journey with your words.
And be a little funny.
Like, "your laugh makes my heart smile.
" And "you always make my heart flutter, like a baked potato with butter.
" - Wow.
That's a lot.
- And somehow not enough.
You want to bounce around some ideas? - Please go.
- Yeah.
When your mom and I started to spend more time together, we - Stop.
- Got it.
But, uh, there will be follow-up questions.
"Dear Mannix.
" Don't like that.
"Hello, Mannix.
I can't feel my toes when I smell you with my nose.
" Nope.
"Mannix! What's " Ugh.
Alexa, what's next on my schedule? Your next event is first-date date for today at 7:00 P.
It is.
Alexa, play my First Date Mix.
Your playlist.
First Date Mix on Amazon Music.
Oh-oh-oh-oh, oh, yeah 'Cause I'm just trying to find out What happened to the boy you used to be I wish you would come back come back to me What happened to the boy I used to know Won't you tell me where'd my bad boy go Hey.
Snackage is on point.
Yo, Sam.
You ready? For what? Whoa! Look at those tips.
I love the commitment.
That's how Andrew Pham rolls, playa.
What do you, uh what do you got there? You want to hit me up? Oh.
I got a lot of delicious Vietnamese red meat in my future.
I'm going to need some pre-meal vitamins.
I'm talking a little fish oil, vitamins B through E, a little gas prevention, and my gout meds.
You have gout? Also preventative.
I should probably double up, though.
Where is the little dude? He's in his room.
He's still got two more days of being grounded.
No pop, no tablet.
He will try to trick you.
Got it.
Pop and screens all night.
The emergency contact is right here, beside the EpiPen.
He's not allergic to anything, but you never know.
We're going to be fine.
Hey, you look like the boy band member who got cut before they got famous.
Sam, thank you.
I better not be late.
Woo! I can't un-see that.
- Jesus! - Hey, Sam.
So glad you're here.
I was just going to grab a pop.
No big deal.
Nice try.
That's what I thought.
Good evening.
You must be Jeffrey.
No, sir.
I'm Andrew, sir.
Oh, yes.
Jeffrey was last night.
Come on in.
Ah, you remembered! Well, it was quite a funny bit.
I used it on all the boys who came for Camille.
How many boys were there? Camille? There's an over-excited young man here to see you.
I'm sorry about the babysitting.
One of my favourite authors is visiting the university, - and she's here for one night only.
- Oh.
Babysitting? I do not know what you are talking about.
You're planning to keep this up all night? How exhausting.
Whoa! No kisses yet.
I know.
I'm sorry.
What was I thinking? You look amazing.
I know, right? You look so fetch.
- Mean girls.
- Totes.
Too bad we don't do back scratches yet.
I'd forgotten how stupid the two of you used to sound.
Dad? Ugh.
Sorry about my dad.
So, traffic coming in from the city was okay? Oh, no.
I found some shortcuts using a paper roadmap.
Rockridge is awesome.
Trees are cool.
I'm really glad I finally asked you out after econ class.
I didn't really need to borrow all those pens from you.
Smooth moves.
I almost forgot.
Is that another burner phone? First-date flip phones.
Give me your phone.
Oh, okay.
Uh Right.
Well, this has been absolutely adorable, but please leave.
Oh, and don't worry.
I'll have her back by 9 I don't care.
Thank you.
I'm not giving you your tablet.
We haven't even discussed the terms yet.
You want to negotiate? With me? Kid, I can make your head spin.
What's the harm in letting me use it? It makes no sense.
That's actually a really good point.
What do you normally do on Saturdays? Sometimes we play games.
And usually, we watch a movie in Mom and Dad's room until everyone falls asleep.
We could play a game.
Why don't we play fake party? What kind of theme we talking about? Fake party is the theme.
I just want to make it look like a party so I can post a couple of photos to make someone jealous.
You throw in some real pop at this fake party, plus a little tablet time, you got a deal.
You're going right for it, huh? Why do you need this tablet, anyway? Bret told me at school yesterday that Moby and Jojo are hanging out this weekend, and neither of us were invited.
So, I got to read the chat and figure out what's going on.
I know the feeling.
The girl that I'm supposed to be out with tonight is out with somebody else right now.
Is that why you want to throw a party? A pretend party.
Just real enough to take a convincing pic.
"And that's why I think Shakespeare is overrated.
" Hey.
Are you already back from your thing? Does that mean I can go now? What? Oh, no.
What time is it? Fashionably late.
Um, where are the party supplies? Huh? Oh.
Over there.
Writing angsty teen poetry? We've all been there.
I'm trying to write a birthday card.
Oh, yeah? What do you got so far? "Happy birthday, Mannix.
" So, you have feelings for this girl? What? No.
Oh, yeah.
Nobody gets stuck on a birthday card without feelings being involved.
I like her.
And this is how you want to tell her? My dad says I should pour my heart out.
The man hasn't dated in 16 years.
You know what I do for birthdays? A bottle of medium-priced wine.
Because it says, "I care about you, but not that much.
" - I'm 14.
- So, get a frozen pizza or whatever.
Just act cool and indifferent.
- That actually works? - Yeah, 'cause then, she's going to be all, like, "Oh.
Guess I need to work harder.
" Hey.
This party that you're going to? Do you think I could come and just take a couple of selfies? Um, okay.
Maybe you could send me some blurry ones just with, like, the lights, and I'll use whatever I can.
Nope? Okay, good talk.
- Right this way, boo.
- Thanks, baby boy.
Smells the same.
I can't wait to eat with you here for the first time.
- Me, too.
- Uh, no kisses yet.
Can't ruin our perfect moment at the drive-in.
I'm on autopilot.
What's next on your list of first-date date things? Oh, you actually made a list.
Of course I made a list.
You feed me a shrimp and get chili oil on my face.
It's adorable.
And then, I clear it off 'cause you can't find it with your own napkin.
And then you compliment my hair, which was apparently a lie.
It's growing on me.
Really? What's next? Dessert.
And then we go to the drive-in and park at the back, where no one can see us making out.
And then we fall in love underneath the stars.
I love you.
Uh, I mean, I like you.
I think you're pretty.
I think you're pretty, too.
Mama Hien! Oh, who are these two lovebirds I have definitely never seen together before? I thought this one was cute enough to bring to my favourite restaurant.
A bold move, bringing me to a Vietnamese restaurant on our first date.
But I got to say, it might just bring us together.
This year, my food make people fall in love.
Sexy love.
- Mama Hien! - Okay.
Come and sit.
I save your table.
Get one of a bubble on my shoulder and I'll laugh like it's tickling me.
And then do one where I'm pointing at the bubble like I'm showing it to all my friends.
What friends? Zoom in, so it's just me and the bubble.
Did you get it? Let me see.
That's good enough.
Are you good? Yeah.
My friends are having a great time without me.
Take one of me.
I'll post it in the group chat.
I love it.
You show Jojo you're having fun, and I will post a pic so Shady Babes knows who won the night.
She just texted me.
"So jealous of that bubble.
" Yeah, I bet you are.
- Huh? - What? Moby and Jojo just gave it a thumbs-up.
They didn't even write anything.
Oh, my God.
She's coming over.
How does she know where I live? I tagged the party.
I'll take it down.
I'm going to go watch a movie in my mom and dad's bedroom.
Please don't actually let strangers in the house.
How was it? You've been practising.
Oh, I didn't understand any of that.
Okay, okay.
I think she likes my hair.
Have you put any thought into that exchange program in Denmark? Denmark is far, but their cookies are off the hook.
- And - What the hell? Remember? In your third year? I was afraid I was going to lose you to a Nordic nation forever.
They have a very high quality of life.
Andrew, my dad is here.
With Barb! Are those my flowers? Can you believe this? It's outrageous.
They waited half as long for their food as we did.
And your dad is dating Barb.
- I'm calling him.
- Why? Because he lied to us.
And I knew that story about the author sounded fishy.
Setting up the bear trap.
How come there's no phone numbers in here? Just dial it.
I don't know anyone's actual number anymore.
That's it.
Oh, this is funny.
As a younger man, I would just I would.
Hey, dad.
I What a pleasant moment.
Of course, you must know Oh, we know.
Two times in one day.
Are you following me? Wow.
Look at the two of you.
Always keeping things interesting, aren't you? Don't start, Barb.
Why did I think your first date was at the water slide? - That was Jeff.
- Wait.
Jeff was real? How come you didn't tell me you were going on a date tonight, - with Barb? - Would you two like to join us? I didn't realize I had to broadcast my personal affairs.
And anyway, I did my part by letting you do all that weird stuff at the house.
- That wasn't weird.
- It was beautiful.
Well, I'm sure that we can find a way to make it up to you.
And then, you can make it up to us for ruining our date, because you are making a bit of a scene.
I'm not angry, Dad, but I am disappointed.
Mama Hien, they'll take care of our bill.
Hey! What What's going on? Hey.
How is the group chat? It's fine.
I just told Moby and Jojo how I was feeling.
I'm so sorry.
I should have been here to stop it.
I feel like I've failed you, Leo.
It's fine.
We cleared it up.
It was just a miscommunication.
They didn't invite us because it was a class project.
That's good.
Did you tell your friend the truth? Absolutely not.
Before she gets here, we have to turn off all the lights and not answer the door.
So, you're just going to lie about it? Um, I'd say it's more of a misunderstanding.
The world of dating has its own set of rules.
You know, being honest about my feelings made me feel better.
But you do whatever feels right.
"I'm not actually at a party.
I'm babysitting this little brat and hating my life.
Let's hang next week.
" Good for you.
Can I have that pop now? Oh, yeah.
Let's make it a double and drink our faces off.
You okay? You know what? My dad and Barb weren't on a date.
Oh, they were definitely on a date.
No, Andrew.
They weren't.
Because it's 2005, and it's our first date.
So, they haven't even met yet.
I love you so hard.
I know, right? So, Andrew Pham, where to next? That's it.
Short, sweet and funny.
- Oh! - The door was open.
Sam is a really bad babysitter.
Um, how's the party? I was just heading to your place.
Oh, it's fun, but not as much fun without you.
Are you making drugs? - That's actually your present.
- Oh, really? Yeah.
It's well, it's kind of dumb, but remember when we were kids, we would eat gummies all the time? - Yeah.
I gave you greens for your purples.
- Yeah.
Well, you're vegetarian now.
So, I found veggie gummies, but they were all in the shape of, like, bears or worms, so I melted them and made them into non-animal shapes.
Oh, sweet.
Oh, what's this one? That is just a blob that I overcooked.
I love it.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I just want you to know Well, actually, it's in your card.
- Oh.
- Oh.
Um, okay.
Let me just find it.
- Oh, I love it.
- Wait.
Is that - What does that one say? - Oh, it's so you.
- Oh.
Um, can I just - Stop.
You stop.
Really, what does it say? You know what? I'm actually just going to take some of these for later.
Let's go to the party.
No, no.
Mannix Let's go to the party! Woo! This is where the drive-in used to be.
It seems a little bit less than magical.
- Huh.
- Maybe we should just call it.
Why are you laughing? - This is exactly like our first date.
- What do you mean? Nothing really went right, right? Yeah.
Your debit card got declined.
Remember? And you burped right before our first kiss.
Oh, my God.
How do you remember that? How could I not? It was the second time I tasted Mama Hien's food.
Thanks for this.
No matter how much things change, our love will stay the same.
That's the cheesiest thing you've ever said.
Cheesier than this? "Feel my shirt.
What's it made out of? Boyfriend material.
" - Classic pick-up line.
- Item number 15 on the list.
We can still watch a movie.
- Oh, that's where my phone is.
- Whoa.
You got, like, 326 new messages from your post.
I'll look at them later.
I'm at the drive-in with my boo.
Now, let's make some new memories in the back of this car.
Yeah, okay.
- Get up.
Get up! - It's tight back here.
We should've drove the minivan.
You serious? That's a lot of pop.
Come here, buddy.
How was it? Ups and downs.
Get it, girl.
That's not what I meant.
First date sex? No comment.
Get it, girl.
How was Leo? Oh, he's a good kid.
Oh, it's sleepy-time now, though.
Actually, this is my bed.
What's yours is mine.
Go away.
Ow! So cozy.
How many times have you guys done it in this bed? Andrew?
Previous EpisodeNext Episode