Rutherford Falls (2021) s01e07 Episode Script

Rutherford Inc.

Let the weight of your day rise up
and fade into the background.
Take a deep breath in
and out.
[helicopter whirring]
They sent a helicopter?
Here we go.
Yeah, looks like the BIA to me.
[cool music]

Oh, my God, that was
the coolest landing.
And it's right where I would've put it.
Nathan, this is Bill Caring
and his legal team.
Hi, it's a pleasure to meet you.
- Likewise.
- Let me get you up to speed.
Couple weeks ago
you know what, let me back it
up further.
- 1638, there was a--
- Hi, folks.
Welcome to Minneshonka Nation.
Follow me.
Yeah, okay.
Okay, walk and talk.

[percussive music]

Too much, Terry.

That's what I'm talking about.
Make 'em feel guilty
and jealous.
[upbeat music]

Hi, there. Hi.
Come on in. Check it out.
We also have advanced technology.
Canoes are basically
the helicopters of water.
Is there really a helicopter
out there?
- Who's the high roller?
- I don't know.
Probably Johnny Depp looking
to get adopted again.
[quirky music]

Rutherford Inc.

I am so ready for this.
Uh-huh, yeah.
I'll let you know how it goes.
Hmm? It--
We're still very ready.
We're just doing it out here.
I hope you don't mind
we brought all hands on deck.
We wanted to make sure we were
giving you our full attention.
Mr. Thomas, let's be straight.
You're asking
for an obscene amount of money
on shaky grounds.
Your lawsuit is absurd.
Mr. Caring, this isn't Terry's lawsuit.
This is a contract obligation
to a sovereign nation
that's gone unfulfilled.
Thank you, Chairwoman.
Respectfully, Ms. Cook,
according to existing Indian
commission settlements,
the statute of limitations
on this issue is clearly up.
Oh, good, someone read
Federal Indian Law
for Dummies on the way over.
I actually took a few
Indian classes in law school--
I prefer you not say that word.
What, Indian?
Said it again.
Can we, um--can we just get
back on track, please?
Okay, but I'm not-- I'm not racist.
He just said Federal Indian--
No, no, but the actual term
is literally Federal Indian--
Jess, are you taking the minutes?
I'd love to get a record
of how many times
opposing council has said that word.
Yeah, so far, they've said it
five times.

Can I help you?
I need to see Terry right away.
And what is this regarding?
I'm supposed to say that.
It's regarding the giant helicopter
that just buzzed past my office
and parked here.
I need to know what's happening.
Good luck with that.
Terry's in a very exclusive meeting.
Even I couldn't get in,
so you do the math.
I actually do have to get
back to school.
Really? Again? You just went yesterday.
All right, get out of here.

Check it out.
60 people signed up
for the email list.
"" is probably fake,
but the rest of these look
pretty good to me.
- Nice.
- Reagan, is it?
Yes. Hi.
I really like your little museum here.
Thank you.
You make me proud, my girl.
Oh, and that Young Guns exhibit?
I would've let
Lou Diamond Phillips fool me.
[both laugh]
Thanks for stopping by.
She seemed nice.
Did you see that?
Her hands were so soft.
- So wise.
- Whoa.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What's--what's going on?
An elder is proud of me.
You probably wouldn't understand this,
but that was huge.
You saw how slow she walked.
She probably only goes
to three things a year,
and she came here.
This is the best day of my life.
Hey, hey. Congratulations.
Thank you.
You know, my hands may not be
very wise,
but they are very soft.
I'm very proud of you.
Thank you.
They are soft.
[phone dings]
Oh, my gosh.
I have to tell Nathan that I saw Mona.
He is obsessed with her.
This'll cheer him up.
He's probably freaking out, poor guy.
Yeah, totally.
I'm confused.
You claim the actions
of Nathan Rutherford
have no connection with Rutherford Inc.
But on the other hand
Don't poke that bear.
Do you catch my drift?
I'm talking about
Rutherford Inc., Terry.
Who has two thumbs and a seat
on the corporate board?
This guy.
Excuse us a moment.
I am so ready to be part
of this process.
Whatever you need.
We need you to say
you were lying to Terry,
and that you have
no legitimate affiliation
to Rutherford Inc.
Like, sarcastically or
Nathan, we've been over this.
You're an honorary,
non-voting member of the board.
- And cultural ambassador.
- Okay.
That's a title that you invented
that I've allowed you to keep
'cause it's easier
than reminding you to stop.
This lawsuit relies on the connection
between your actions
and the liability of our company.
- We need you to sever that tie.
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Well, I can't say I'm not
affiliated with my life's work.
Nathan, this case could be
tried in a federal court.
There will be investigations.
It could be very bad.
I know you love your family.
Well, this is the only way
to help them right now.
So what do you say?
Can you help us help your family?
[somber music]
And whereas my museum does
receive funds
on an annual basis
from Rutherford Inc.,
it is in no way payment or investment
but merely an example
of corporate generosity.
You know--
[clears throat]
As old Buford Rutherford used
to say about generosity--
actually, he didn't say it, he wrote it
'cause he lost his larynx
in a saloon fight, but--
[clears throat]
Yeah, that's a great story
for another time.
While Rutherford Inc. began
as a family business
hundreds of years ago,
the company has changed over time,
and so have the hands of power.
I am not an employee
board member, or shareholder
of Rutherford Inc.
In regards to my connection
to Rutherford Inc.--
[clears throat]
And all of its subsidiaries,
it is more accurate to say
that I am nothing.
I am no one.

I would also like to state
for the record
that my heart is broken.
Okay! Let's break for lunch.
Rutherford Incorporated.
Started by Lawrence Rutherford.
His life is proof
that the American dream is achievable.
'Cause if he could start with nothing
and build a fair and honest empire,
so can anyone.
Be a damn shame if something happened
to your squeaky-clean narrative
that your entire brand is based on.
Sorry to be tardy to the party,
but when luck be a lady,
I cannot stop rolling those dice.
Who is this?
Professor Tobias Kaufman,
decorated scholar
and author of a book
about my family's history.
I have been called upon
to be a character witness.
Yes! Awesome.
Uhsorry, by who?
By me.
Please, Professor,
would you tell everyone
the name of your book?
The Rutherfords:
How Robbers, Rogues,
and Rascals Wrestled Riches
from the Rest of Us.
What? No, I like the old title.
Chapter one:
"Pillagers and Indians."
Chapter two:
"A Fair and Honest Massacre."
My personal favorite:
"How the Rutherfords Helped Hide
"FDR's Secret Shame Babies."
I wonder what's gonna happen
when this book comes out.
I remember Subway stock nosedived
after the Jared Fogle scandal.
Wonder how many Jareds are in here.
This doesn't make any sense.
It's totally different
from the version I read.
Both books are true.
One a pristine Finnish sausage,
the other a stinky
meat grinding affair.
How could you take
Terry's side on this?
Minneshonka Press has agreed
to publish my magnum opus.
Soon, my dream will be
a leather-bound reality.
Also, I owe the casino $80,000.
So we're supposed to believe
that a self-published book
by a drunk is going to sink
the company's stock?
You're right.
Probably won't tank the stock.
Might ding it though.
A little ding. 1%.
What's 1% of 48 billion?
Plus whatever your client
spends on legal costs
when we drag this out for a decade.
What do you want?
Something that was ours to begin with.
[soft tense music]

Okay, that's a lot of land.
Most of which is undeveloped.
And Rutherford Inc. owns this land?
Yes, and we're willing to buy it.
End the lawsuit,
Professor Kaufman's
scorched-earth version
of the book, your PR nightmares, gone.
My magnum opus shelved?
It's my everything.
It's my raison d'être.
You'd still be paid.
Well, the journey was the destination.
- Do you do direct deposit?
- Of course.
Okay, so I didn't
quite notice this at first
because this map is not quite to scale,
but that land includes
the Rutherford Falls heritage museum,
AKA my house.
So I'm sorry, Terry.
Gonna be a hard pass.
Let us confirm with our client.
I'm right here. I do not confirm.
You are not the client.
You have no affiliation
with us, remember?
Just let us confirm.
You have 24 hours.
[dramatic music]

[door squeaks]
How's our boy?
He's changing the bands
inside the old sawmill.
It's bad.
When sawmills malfunction, people die.
He spent the day
reading Kaufman's book.
Oh, no.
I brought Chang's.
I think I may have figured out
a way to save your museum.
You should paint the church orange.
I think it would be better
if it were orange.
Dumb idea. Also, illegal.
And why is that?
Because it's an historical landmark,
and you can't cha--oh, my God!
You're a genius!
We gotta make this house a church.
Start a Rutherford religion.
- I'm on it.
- What? No.
We gotta get this place designated
a historical landmark.
Then no one can touch it.
I've tried that dozens of times.
For Big Larry.
But this is a very old house
with a million stories.
We just need documentation
that something really big
happened here.
That's super easy.
I mean, there was
the waltz competition of 1924.
There was the potato salad party.
Also, this is crazy,
Houdini stopped by here one time
to use the bathroom,
got locked in the bathroom.
- Okay.
- Is that something?
Not big enough.
We're thinking of something very big.
Like, didn't you say that
presidents used to meet here?
Yeah, but that was
just for, like, a meal,
or some rhubarb pie or whatever.
Sounds like President Roosevelt
passed through
for a different kind of pie.
- That is slander, Bobbie.
- Wait, wait, wait.
What are they talking about?
Well, according to Kaufman's book,
which is full of lies,
President Roosevelt had
a love child in this house.
Two children.
According to Kaufman,
this place used to be
a den of glorious bacchanalia.
Maybe we should get
the President Roosevelt chair cleaned.
Are you kidding?
This is actually perfect.
There would be birth records.
Do you have them?
No, Reagan, I don't have them
because that never happened,
and they don't exist.
But if they did, they'd be in storage
at my great-aunt Joan's.
I am living for how messy
this family is.
[mysterious music]
You just weren't gonna
tell me your plan
to take part of my town?
Buy part of your town.
My people don't steal land.
That's your thing.
My thing?
Sorry, I deal
with white people all day.
That line usually works.
Look, I should have called.
It's just
not calling you was
much easier for me at the time.
I thought we had an understanding:
I would respect your position,
and you would respect mine.
You're right. I apologize.
There's an election coming up,
and voters like it when you leave
with as much town as you started with.
Kind of Mayor 101.
- So how am I supposed to--
- Let's stop playing games.
We both want what's best
for the people we serve.
And sometimes,
those interests are at odds.
You're not some sad, wounded bird.
You'd have done the exact same thing
if you were in my shoes.
Well, your shoes are
combat boots, Terry,
because you just started a war.
That was a good line to leave with.
See? You're still in the game.
- Here we go.
- Oh, oh, let me help you.
- Let me help you with that.
- No, no, no, I have it.
- No, I got it.
- No, Nathan.
- I said I've--
- That's heavy.
- Okay.
- You're hurting my wrist.
Okay, just let go.
Okay, well, we had coffee
on the way over anyway, so
[clears throat]
So why are you here
to visit me, Nathan?
Okay, I'm here because
we really need to get a gander
at the family heirlooms
in your carriage house.
We've been over this a dozen times.
- You'll have it all once I'm--
- No, I know, I know.
And I'm happy to wait for you
to die for most of--
You're happy.
- No.
- No, we obviously hope
that that never ever happens,
right, Nathan?
Yeah, yeah, of course.
I mean, not never.
Immortality is a terrible burden.
Just ask Dracula.
Not that you're a vampire--
look, we just really need
to get in there this time.
The fate of the family depends on it.
That's what you said when you were 12.
You asked to borrow
Grandpa Gerald's quill pen
to write a book report.
You've said it a dozen times
since then.
That does sound like you.
Well, now, if that's all,
I have some Judge Judy to watch.
Nathan won't bother you for a year.
A whole year, no requests,
no visits, no emails.
Just family newsletters.
Especially those family newsletters.
- Okay.
- Whoa.
You Rutherfords sure do love
your stuff.
Okay, you start in that corner.
I'll start over here.
Keep your eyes peeled
for anything that screams
"secret birth records."
Where are you gonna put all
this stuff once you do get it?
I'll tell ya, someplace
with better climate control
and a lot less spiders.
It's really a disservice to history
that she's storing this stuff
like this.
Oh, my God, Grandpa Gerald's dentures!
I've been asking her about this
for years.
- Why?
- Knew she was lying.
[soft music]

Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
- You gotta see this.
- What is it?
What do you got?
It's literally a treasure trove
of Minneshonka culture.
Those cornhusk dolls must be
from the 1800s.
- Oh, my God.
- I know.
The thing is
Once Judge Judy hands down her rulings,
like, my great-aunt is gonna be
all over us again.
- Oh.
- Yeah, if we could just
Yeah, right, we'll just keep looking
for your stuff, I guess.
Yes, thank you.
Maybe hit that file cabinet.
That looks promising.
I'm gonna hit these banker's boxes.
Who knows what we'll find?
You should've seen it.
There were cornhusk dolls,
there was pottery,
wedding baskets, strawberry baskets,
all the baskets.
Oh, my God. Your people love baskets.
Okay, it's less that we love baskets,
and more that it's an important
part of our culture.
Also, don't say "your people."
I'm sorry, I only have
the bandwidth to be pissed
at one white guy today.
- And I'm grateful for that.
- It's just crazy.
Like, that is our stuff,
and it's sitting in the garage
of his great-aunt gathering dust
next to an old treadmill.
There was wampum.
The fact that I didn't just
grab that stuff and run
should get me banished.
You're not saying anything.
Right, 'cause this is all stuff
that you want to say to Nathan.
But I am here to listen,
and provide you with mozzarella sticks.
But you should talk to him.
Yeah, I don't know.
He's just not really in a place
where he could hear me right now,
and especially because we didn't find
the Roosevelt thing.
Huh, okay.
I've heard you say "huh, okay" before.
Like that time that I told you
that my cable sometimes only works
for whatever channel
The Bachelor is on.
It just kind of seems like
Nathan's always going
through something.
I mean, I've met the guy twice,
and both times,
you were pushing your thing
aside to focus on him.
Oh, my God.
That's not mine.
It was here when we sat down.
Oh, God.
Hey, Kaitlyn! Wait.
Hey, sorry I'm late.
I did everything in my power,
but I could not prove
that Roosevelt had a love child
in my house.
- What?
- Yeah, I know, right?
Just tell me you guys came up
with a plan?
- We did.
- Great. What?
The plan is to take the deal.
If it helps, we surveyed the land,
and it's un-frackable.
[downcast music]

Well, Great-Grandpa Lawrence,
I'm sorry I failed you.
You, too, Cousin Theodore.
Oh, Cousin Cyrus,
you have such hatred
in your eyes for me,
which I never understood until now
because I deserve it.
What's that, Phineas?
You think I'm great?
Aw, thank you.
Let's be honest.
You've always been kind of
the Ringo of this wall.
Talking to the wall guys?
Would they mind if I cut in
for a chat, or
Guys, everybody shut up. It's Reagan.
Do you want some mulled wine?
It's really good.
It's like liquid Jolly Rancher.
I'm probably not gonna finish
this bottle.
- Second bottle.
- Oh, you're pickled.
You know how people say that saying?
"Life isn't fair."
So it's funny 'cause I always
thought that was bull crap.
I was always like, life's pretty fair,
you know, if you think about it.
But now I get it.
Like, I get it. Really get it.
not always fair.
And that sucks.
Do you know what I mean?
Yeah, buddy. I feel that.
How's this even legal?
This is America, right?
I'm a United States American,
so there's gotta be something
in the Constitution,
like, land, right?
Everything that's happening
to me right now sucks.
I mean--
Isn't this the most unfair thing
that has ever happened?
Nathan, I'm gonna reach out
to Great-Aunt Joan
and ask her to return
her Minneshonka collection
to my nation.
I'm gonna be honest.
I was just waiting to talk.
Can you say that again?
Okay, I can get that you're,
like, not in a place
where you can hear this
right now, but it--
it's something I have to do,
and I would love your support.
It's all languishing
in the carriage house.
- You said so yourself.
- Mm.
And when Great-Aunt Joan dies,
you get everything.
And you would give me
the Minneshonka items, right?
Just like I would do for you
if I came into some
awesome Rutherford stuff.
- Yes, sure, of course.
- I guess.
This would transform
my cultural center.
all that stuff belongs to my people.
Your people are trying
to steal my home.
My people are trying
to steal your home?
I want nothing more
than to give you all those things.
Like, pew.
But you work at the casino,
which is run by Terry,
and guess what?
He is the literal devil.
Well, as long as you're being rational
and correctly using the term literal.
Why are you even
bringing this up right now?
You're being a total Uncle Tom.
Excuse me?
My great-uncle Thomas Rutherford,
died in 1888.
Widely considered to be
the biggest jerk
that has ever lived.
Okay. I get it.
Your life sucks right now
for maybe the first time ever.
But I'm your friend.
I'm asking you to please press
pause on your drama
for one second and help me
just like I've done for you many times.
Reags, you know I love you.
And I would never get in the way
of something that you really want.
Except in this case,
where I would light myself on fire
before I give those items to Terry.
I'm hurting right now.
- Why can't you see that?
- I'm hurting right now.
Why can't you see that?
Why is your history
more important than mine?
I don't want to drink
mulled wine with you right now.
Wow, okay.
I'm gonna go.
[Buffy Sainte-Marie's "It's My Way"]
[soft guitar music]

I'm cutting my own way ♪
Through my own day ♪
And all I dare say ♪
Is it's my own ♪
I got my own seeds ♪
Got my own weeds ♪
I've got my own harvest that I-- ♪
Wait up.
I'm in.
For Running Lightning.
But in return, I want the budget
to make the cultural center
the state-of-the-art facility
our people deserve.
- I think that's doable.
- Oh.
Come on. Let's talk.
Should I have asked for more?
Could I have gotten more?
Yes, but try not to focus on that.
You should go home.
We'll find a way to tackle
this Terry thing.
I'm good. Just finishing up.
You can go.
Okay. Goodnight.

[line rings]
It's Deirdre. Where are you?
I'm in a very dark place.
Okay, but where physically are you?
I'm in what will soon not be my home.
I'm coming over.
We need to talk.
Through my own day ♪
And all I daresay ♪
Is it's my own ♪
I got my own seeds ♪
Got my own weeds ♪
I got my own harvest ♪
That I've sown ♪
I can tell you ♪
Things I've done ♪
And I could sing you ♪
Songs I've sung ♪
But there's one thing ♪
I can't give ♪
For I and I alone can live ♪
The years I've known ♪
And the life I've grown ♪
And it's my way ♪
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