Rutherford Falls (2021) s02e01 Episode Script

White Man in the Cupboard

Lawrence Rutherford, founder of this town
and my patriarchal ancestor.
He brokered a uniquely fair and honest deal
with our neighbors, the Minishonka,
thus establishing our town.
- What do you want?
- Something that was ours to begin with.
That land includes
the Rutherford Falls Heritage Museum,
AKA my house.
We present to you
Ye Olde Rutherford Village.
The entire town center will be transformed
into 17th century Rutherford Falls.
So you're gonna take my land
but allow me to stay on it under your terms?
Think of it as a fair and honest deal.
Elizabeth is Nathan's mom,
but who is this Ronnie guy?
I don't think Nathan's
technically a Rutherford.
I can't be with a guy
who destroys my best friend's entire life.
I'm sorry, Reagan.
Do you know how much wood I've chopped,
how many cars I've washed,
dirty dancing classes I taught?
Hey, Bobbie, just a quick FYI,
I'm closing the museum
for approximately ever.
I'll see you later.
Previously on "An American Powder Keg"
Shut your stupid pie holes!
Big Larry's gonna stay right where he is.
Is it not accurate to say that your family
introduced whiteness to the region?
Nathan did try to pay off
his family's debt with popcorn.
From WNHY New York, I'm Josh Carter,
and this is "An American Powder Keg:
The Story of Nathan Rutherford."
In this final chapter of the podcast,
we reflect on all that's changed.
Much of the town of Rutherford Falls,
now partially owned
by the Minishonka Nation,
has been completely
transformed into some sort of
colonial-themed tourist destination.
But the question remains: where's Nathan?
Having lost everything,
this once vocal mouthpiece
for the Rutherford name
has seemingly vanished,
ignoring repeated requests for comment.
As his family's legacy fades,
I can't help but hope that wherever he is,
he's found his place in the world.
"An American Powder Keg" is brought to you
by Unbiased Undies.
Unbiased Undies make me feel sexy
- Reagan.
- And supported.
Reagan, they're here. Come on.
Be right there.
The history of Indigenous people
is the greatest story never told, until now.
I'm proud to welcome you to the
new Minishonka Cultural Center
and Northeast Regional
Historical Exhibition Museum.
We're working on the name. Follow me.
Hi. Welcome.
By entering, you relinquish your rights
to all media content created on-site.
Enjoy your visit.
Minishonka parents still use
cradle boards like this one
to hold their babies,
freeing their hands to work.
And check this out.
Baby bling.
Baby doesn't even see this side.
It's just a flex.
These 19th century moccasins
made from deer skin
and beadwork are my favorite piece here,
or they will be, if they ever arrive.
Timothy at the shipping company,
he's blaming the delay
on general climate change.
I'm like, "Sure, Timothy."
Not your problem, though.
Hey, possums.
Are you a second-season Netflix show?
'Cause you just got canceled! Ah-ah!
Ow, ow, ow, ow. Chill.
Lawrence Rutherford did end
the Great Possum Infestation of 1812,
but he would have surely lost
if it weren't for the Minishonka,
who dropped some much-needed
wildlife knowledge.
Without the Minishonka, you'd all be dead.
I mean, I didn't say it, but
I hope you enjoyed the tour today.
Um, any questions? Yeah?
Why isn't the Minishonka
Cultural Center on Indian land?
- And furthermore
- Furthermore, okay.
When will you decolonize
this oppressive museum space?
Well, the concept of a museum
is a European idea,
so it's impossible to decolonize,
but we can reclaim it and make it our own.
And we are building a museum on our rez.
It'll be done in a year or so, so relax.
And furthermore, isn't this all Indian land?
Anyone else?
Does Nathan know that you touched his stuff?
Also, where is he?
Ms. Fish, as I told you yesterday
and every tour for the last two months,
I don't know where Nathan is.
He's taking some space for himself,
- and we're giving it to him.
- Fine.
I didn't know if there was an update.
Bobbie, take us home, please.
Astronaut ice cream.
Who wants? Who wants?
And go get 'em. Go get 'em.
And go get 'em.
Did the slides how for Terry's birthday.
I timed it to play for
the whole party, no repeats.
Terry hates surprises, so a surprise party's
really gonna catch him off guard.
Hmm, logic tracks to me.
Oh, I really got to get
to my next appointment.
And there's my meditation reminder.
- Meditation?
- Yeah.
I'm just trying out
little chunks of self-care.
- It's been stressful.
- Oh, I feel you.
I mean my plate is full.
That's why I wake up every morning
at 3:45 a.m.
And until Terry wakes up at 4:15,
that's my time, that's Renee's time.
Oh, meditation over.
Not one of my more effective
ones, I've got to say.
Oh, before I forget, I have
another batch of photos to add.
I know it's a little after the
deadline, but so what, right?
Right. Yeah, what is a deadline anyway
but some dumb time boundary
to help us not lose our minds?
Reagan, I need to speak with you.
- It's an emergency.
- Oh.
There's a ghost in the building.
- Like, for real.
- Bobbie, stop.
- I've heard noises and sounds.
- Those are the same.
Creaky floors. Humming.
Sometimes I get a chill out of nowhere,
especially by the windows.
You know what, I wish there was a ghost.
I could use the help.
Ugh, stop yelling at me. You're a watch!
Uh, so what are we thinking, ghost-wise?
- There's no ghost.
- Please just do your job.
I'm so late.
- Love you. Got to go.
- Uh
With our acquisition and
reimagining of the town square,
we've now completed phase four,
subphase eight.
But phase four, subphase nine
is where things really heat up.
Yep, subphase nine's a real banger,
but Terry, I can't take
any more information.
If you stuff anymore in, it's
gonna come out the other end.
Relax. You're just not used
to being a high-performing individual.
- Rude.
- Let me ask you.
How much water do you drink?
This is not about water.
Why? How much should I be drinking?
Imagine a lot.
Imagine too much.
It's more than that.
Oh, pfft.
No. Oh, my gosh.
I'm not drinking all this.
It's like a kiddie pool.
There's all kinds of life
hacks to help you optimize.
Cold showers, random sprints,
calibrating chews per bite.
I'll send you some articles.
The last thing I need
is homework telling me
how to do more homework.
I need a real support staff.
I'm doing the work of three people.
The revamp drained us.
We should be cutting budgets,
not expanding them.
But I might have something
that could solve your problems.
Is it the water?
The water, yes.
So this is your basic
ghost hunting equipment.
We got a thermo reader,
radio frequency jammer.
Some Reese's Pieces,
in case it's like an "E.T." type ghost.
Wasn't E.T. an alien?
Don't question us.
Ghosts are serious business,
especially in a place like this.
What do you mean? What does he mean?
Obviously, there are a lot of
white ghosts here pissed off
because Indians have occupied the space.
But we brought a bunch of their sacred items
to lure 'em out.
A "Cheers" DVD,
a $9 bottle of chardonnay,
and Malcolm Glad well books.
They can't get enough of these.
Did you do the prep we asked for?
Yes, I left a plate
of grilled, unseasoned chicken out as bait.
I put it right here on the
The chicken is missing.
The chicken is missing!
Show yourself, spirit.
Every time we visit,
it takes my breath away.
Can you feel the excitement?
I feel kind of nauseous.
All this faux patriotism
makes my tummy hurt.
Reagan, this is how we get our land back,
one hand-dipped candle at a time.
- Ugh.
- Someday,
Ye Olde Rutherford Village will be
as popular as Times Square.
Yep, I can already picture
the Ye Olde Red Lobster.
Oh, boy.
- Terry Thomas.
- Feather Day.
I know who I am.
The question is, who do you think you are
shoving this old-timey colonizer crap
down our gullets?
Because as a proud Minishonka woman,
I must say, that is not our way.
There's no need for dramatics.
As I said at the council vote,
this undertaking will benefit all of
As you know,
I run a gym called Sweat.
First sessions are free.
Generous referral program.
Oh, I'm good.
See? Sweat was a great name.
Sharp, clean, sensual.
Nobody wants to set foot in Ye Olde Sweat.
Or eat at Ye Olde Soup Depot.
I mean, did we want to eat
at regular Soup Depot?
Folks, it's just branding.
We should be free to call our
businesses whatever we want.
What I'm hearing from our community
is that your dumb plans are
infringing on our freedom.
- Oh.
- Hold on.
Cool it with the F-bombs.
I like freedom, Terry.
Yeah, freedom rules.
Okay, that's enough, Arnold.
Look, pretty soon, we're all
gonna be swimming in a lot of money.
Try not to sweat the small stuff.
I have the right
to sweat what and where and whom I choose
because that is America,
and this is not over.
Come on, Arnold. Keep up.
It's not a ghost. It's a pervert.
Kick him! Kick him!
No! No, no, no, no, no, no.
Wait, stop. Stop.
It's Nathan.
Hi, Bobbie.
WebMD says to apply this
on and off for 15 minutes.
And tell me, what the hell is going on?
Okay, but it's gonna
take a while to really parse
through all of the nuances of my situation.
He came back two months ago
and was super embarrassed about how he acted
and Josh's podcast about how he acted,
so he hid in the attic.
That's pretty much all the nuances.
But what have you been doing up here?
I've been working on myself,
you know, examining my blind spots.
I read the book "White Fragility,"
and then I read another book about
how "White Fragility" is bad,
and then I read a third book called
"White 'White Fragility' Fragility"
about how white people are super fragile
about the book "White Fragility."
It's been a real journey for him,
and for me, via text.
I'm almost ready to rejoin society.
I just have to nail my reentry.
People think I'm a selfish
jerk, and they're not wrong.
I have to apologize to everyone
and make sure they know I've
grown and changed as a person.
I'm thinking something splashy, mid-July.
That's ten months away.
Yeah, I know. It's gonna be tight.
So you're just gonna
hang out here all alone?
Well, he's not alone.
I've been here with him, helping him out,
sacrificing what little
free time I have for that.
And of course, in return,
he's been helping me,
you know, check off some of the
stuff on my long to-do list.
I knew there was no way
you could do all this on your own.
You've accepted so many unearned high fives.
And Nathan, you may not
have been a ghost, but
you ghosted me.
Bobbie, I clearly owe you a huge apology,
and you're gonna get a doozy,
with everybody else, circa July.
- Or now.
- Hmm? Now?
Read the room, bud.
Ah, okay.
All right.
Even though I am many drafts away
from even being workshop ready,
let's give it a try.
Keep in mind, this is a rough draft.
Um, Bobbie
- I
- I forgive you!
Of course I forgive you.
I know the financials aren't a home run,
but are we talking ground rule double,
maybe a triple?
This is more like if the
batter flipped off the crowd
and then crapped his pants.
Why would he do that?
Business at the rebranded
shops has actually gone down.
You bet on Americana
at the exact moment in history
when the American brand is in the dumpster.
But that's temporary, right?
Eventually, Mark Wahlberg
will make some movie
about an EMT who adopts a shelter dog,
and together, they'll save the Super Bowl,
and then everyone will be back
on board with America, right?
I mean
Well, thanks for the rundown, Al.
I'm confident we'll right the ship.
I hope so,
because as they say in the big leagues,
you can only crap your pants once.
- Here we go.
- Shake it up. Shake it up.
Tonight's P.F. Chang's
and a movie pairing is
"Honey, I Walnut the Shrimp."
Been looking forward to this one.
Man, I'm still riding high
off that Bobbie forgive.
Do you think I should do the big apology now
instead of waiting for July?
- Is that insane?
- I mean,
as much as I hate to lose
my white man in the cupboard,
it's clearly the right move.
- Hmm.
- All right.
Let me give Chang's a call.
140 new messages?
The cultural center was my dream,
but I think it's slowly killing me.
- Aw.
- Look, my eye twitch is back.
Oh, yeah. It's Morse code.
"Forget work.
"Walnut shrimp."
You're right. No work talk.
Tonight is about you, me, and Moranis.
Hey, wardrobe-wise,
do you think a societal reentry
is black tie?
It's very inappropriate
for me to ask you to take that on.
I take responsibility.
Well, look at you stepping up
and owning your business.
Also, I'm gonna need you
to add 40 new photos
- to Terry's birthday slides how.
- Copy that.
This apology's got to be big,
but humble.
Effective, but effortless.
Big, humble, effective, effortless.
Love that.
Something that says,
"Nathan Rutherford is back,
and he is better than ever, baby!"
I have the chills.
Bobbie, are you sure you're okay helping me
even though you're not my assistant anymore?
Yes. We're still besties.
So get ready to proof my college apps
and lend me your car when I want
to go antiquing in Saratoga.
All right. What's gonna
make the best apology?
I was working on this whole speech,
but it's, like, ugh, you know?
And so, I'm just I'm tossing
it out, starting from scratch.
Five-part rock opera.
We call it "Nathan Rutherford:
A Redemption Spectacular."
Obsessed, but you capped the budget at $50.
Maybe focus on making amends.
Okay, good. Amends.
How do you make amends?
I stand in the middle of town square.
Anyone I've wronged can
just walk up and insult me
or physically punish me.
It's gonna seem like you're into that,
which, no judgies
Zoom out.
Where are we with celebrity integrations?
Fall on, Kimmel, and Colbert
haven't returned my calls.
James Corden did, but you don't want that.
Gah, why is this so hard?
I wish it could just
be like it was with you.
It was so natural. I loved how I was being.
I loved how I was being.
Oh, my God.
Did we just crack this?
No idea where you're going with this,
but it feels like a moment.
I'm gonna take a video.
No, make sure those quiche cups stay warm
but don't dry out.
Those balloons are sagging.
What, is there a helium shortage?
- Sorry!
- Reagan.
Terry's almost here, and
there's still so much to do.
- Oh, I'm sure you got it.
- It looks amazing
So many tasks, so few competent people,
you know what I mean?
- Is there anything I can do?
- Oh, you're a saint.
I'm not gonna do that thing
where I say, "No," and then you insist.
- I respect you too much.
- Ah.
Now, go decorate the cake.
Oh, like, professionally?
They wanted 100 bucks
to write a little message.
I have the frosting.
There's an app that teaches calligraphy.
- Now, go!
- Okay.
I've been helping Reagan
plan Terry's party for weeks.
The guest list?
It's a veritable who's who
of who's who in Rutherford Falls.
I think it's just one who's who.
Not when it's this elite.
You need two who's whos.
It's the perfect opportunity
for a mass apology.
Now, here's the memory stick.
Let's go over this again.
I'm gonna sneak in undetected,
find the perfect hiding spot
And then emerge like
a butterfly from its chrysalis.
You don't think I have this memorized?
I'm sorry for underestimating you.
Let's do this.
- I'll see you inside.
- No. No, you won't.
Because I'm gonna find
the perfect hiding spot.
- I know.
- I know you know.
Call the foreman and tell him
that we need to hit pause on the next phase
while I figure a few things out.
Listen, I'm walking
into dinner with my wife,
and I need to get off the phone
for my own safety.
So, we'll talk soon.
- Did you do this?
- Well, I had to do something.
- You're turning
- No need to get into details.
And I have an even bigger surprise.
- Do you still remember?
- Are you kidding?
I taught these moves for three years.
Sounds fun.
Would love to be enjoying myself,
but sadly, my whole life is this.
Oh, shit, shit, shit, shit!
I think you're supposed to drink that,
not ruin cakes with it.
Wayne, I swear.
I just didn't think I would be
coming here to do more work.
Same. Renee asked me to do this earlier,
and I was like, "Nah, man."
I'm sorry. You said, "Nah, man"?
That's something you can just say?
Hell yeah. You know, whenever somebody
asks me to do something annoying
or it's just one of those times
I need to kick back and chill,
- like a Tuesday.
- Mm-hmm.
And it's not like I'm the only one
that can do this stuff, so nah, man.
Is that why you never seem stressed?
I just thought you were always high.
Oh, well, yeah, also that.
No, no. This makes sense.
I think that's what setting
a boundary actually is.
Thanks, Wayne.
Can you help me fix the cake?
I think you know what I'm gonna say to that.
Got it. Yeah.
Looks pretty good out there, huh?
Don't love the centerpieces, but listen.
I spoke to the DJ.
When the dance is done, they'll
take the spotlight off Terry
and put it on you, then play the video.
Everyone will know it's your moment.
Yes. Yes.
Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm, this doesn't feel right.
Ah. Oh.
I'm about to make a terrible mistake.
What? What do you mean?
Everything that I've
been learning and vowing
not to do again, I'm about to do it again.
What was I thinking?
We have to stop me!
- Text the DJ.
- I don't have his number.
That's an end-of-the-night move.
Signal him or something.
- Go. Go.
- Oh, okay.
Hello, Rutherford Falls.
Nathan Rutherford here.
I know you probably have
a lot of questions for me,
about me, and I'm here to answer them all,
to lay my soul bare.
What the hell?
I'd like to offer a formal,
town-wide apology
to each and every one of you.
Okay. Wait. Oh, hang on.
That's awfully bright.
Okay, bit of a mix-up.
Classic misunderstanding.
Because from here on out,
every choice I make, I own.
Yeah. Okay, don't listen to him/me.
That's old Nathan. This is new Nathan.
But that was old Nathan.
This this is new Nathan.
Nathan 2.0. Yeah.
So now, we're at 3.0, because I am a Nathan
that knows that I shouldn't be
centering myself in this way.
I'm no longer the guy
who just centers himself,
sucking up all the air in the room.
We got it, old Nathan.
We're ahead of you here, so
Bobbie, why is that not off?
I'm used to apps. These are real buttons.
Okay, found it.
This is my birthday.
Yeah. Yeah.
I know.
Terry, I'm so so
And I want to watch the rest of that video.
Oh, no you don't. It's hmm?
Oh, he you do?
Happy birthday.
And now that I'm enlightened
to these things,
I'm excited to share them with others,
to be a guru, if you will.
Nathan also ruined the cake, just FYI.
Yeah. That sounds appropriative.
Um, a sage.
- Yeah, that feels right.
- Sorry.
It wasn't my intention,
but you know, intention doesn't matter.
Impact does, and so, I'm just
so sorry for the impact on you.
Please say something.
Honestly, I've been stressed out all week,
and it was hilarious watching you drown.
Really put things into perspective.
I mean, my life, while hard,
it's not that,
so I accept your apology.
Okay. Well, thank you.
And I don't know what kind of
issues you're having right now,
but one time when I was
in a really tough spot,
you said to me, all this stuff,
it's gonna work itself out.
Hmm. And did it?
No. God, no.
Things took a real dark turn.
My whole life kind of blew up, actually.
I'm still recovering from it,
but I don't think
that's gonna happen for you.
Look around.
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
Hey! You two clean up nice.
- Thanks.
- Aw. Listen, Reagan.
I would love an assist with the guest book.
I just want everyone to snap a Polaroid,
glue it to a page, write
their favorite Terry memory.
Do you think maybe you could
wrangle some folks for me?
Nah, man.
Also, Terry, I'm gonna hire a curator,
and you're gonna pay for it.
Happy birthday, though. This is all so nice.
Hey. Oh, wow.
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
- You know, tonight
- I mean, what a great night.
One for the books.
I just wanted people to know
that I've changed,
but I guess it came off as like,
"I'm not a villain.
I'm one of the good guys."
Well, maybe I'm not a good guy.
Maybe I'm just
- Some asshole.
- Some guy.
- Did you say "asshole"?
- Yeah.
I mean, like, all my trying to be more
Tracking my steps,
chugging water to optimize productivity
It's pointless.
I'm not superhuman.
If we could just accept
that we're a couple of assholes
hurtling through space
on this big, dumb rock
crawling with other assholes,
maybe we could actually
feel good about ourselves.
I like that.
Well, here's to being a couple
of lovable assholes.
Mayor Chisenhall,
just who I was hoping to see.
Sorry I'm late. I got caught up.
Listen, I'm having issues
with the Main Street business leaders.
Angling at your own birthday party?
Very on brand.
It's actually branding
that I want to discuss.
If everyone embraces "Ye Olde,"
we'll attract more visitors.
I'm gonna stop you there.
As much as I, a Black woman,
would love to hear more about
your trip back to the 1800s,
as of tomorrow,
I'm being installed as
the interim state comptroller.
Really? That's a big deal.
I know it.
In the line of succession,
it's five "Me Toos" away from governor.
Congratulations. That's
There it is. He's doing the math.
The town will have to elect a new mayor
I knew, within seconds,
this would be about you.
This is a critical time,
and the next mayor of Rutherford Falls
will have major influence
over the future of this town.
It is of utmost importance
that I secure a candidate
who bolsters my plans.
If I can't, everything I've fought for
could be in jeopardy.
Ooh, are those quiche cups?
Yes, and they are incredible.
Organic eggs, local cheeses,
but I can't get into that right now.
I need to go find the next
mayor of Rutherford Falls.
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