Samantha! (2018) s01e01 Episode Script

Episode 1

1 A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES [woman] Let me see that one.
[woman] No, she'll end up looking like a psychedelic fish.
[woman] Let me see that other one there.
[woman] Know what I'm going to do? Not sure.
[woman] I think I'll just take this one, look.
This one is perfect! No! Quick.
Look at this one.
[laughing] Beautiful, isn't it? Shines just like you.
This is not my tiara.
Samantha, the show is about to start.
Everyone is waiting for you on stage.
It only starts when I arrive.
[Samantha] Idiot.
Out! - [loudspeaker] Two minutes to start.
- [Samantha] Out of my way! - [loudspeaker] Everyone on stage, please.
- [Samantha] Come on, I'm late! - [sighs angrily] - [bell rings] [Samantha] I want my tiara, now! - You look like a princess.
- And you look like an alien.
[loudspeaker] Dancers, please.
[grunts] Can someone shut up this woman? [moaning] [Samantha] That's all I needed.
Have you seen my tiara? Go away! [bell rings] Everyone on stage, please.
[Samantha] You again? I'm not a mushroom.
I'm a human.
[Samantha] You are weak! [Samantha] Where's my tiara? - Out, you witch.
- [loudspeaker] Samantha, now! Out! - Samantha, here! It's time! - [Samantha] Have you seen my tiara? [Samantha] I'm not going on without it.
It's my favorite one! [producer] See you out there.
[loudspeaker] One minute.
[Samantha] Seen my tiara? - [dancers] Samonster.
- [Samantha] You've gained weight? [boy] Samonster, check out my tiara! [Samantha] Idiot, I knew it was you.
- [Samantha] Give it back.
- Give me that! - [Samantha laughs] - I hate you.
[vomits] - Princess.
- [Samantha] Hey, Cig.
They don't understand, Cig.
Everybody loves this tiara.
[Ciggy] This is your show, princess.
You are Brazil's most beloved child.
- [Ciggy] Here! - [woman] No is no.
That's it.
[woman] Position, Cig.
30 seconds.
Everyone standing.
Excitement, everybody.
- Five, four, three - [crowd cheering] Samantha! [crowd cheers] [applause] What matters is to never stop believing! [music plays] Has anyone here seen an UFO? Yeah! We saw it together, remember? Of course I do! I remember it very well.
It went like this It was a multicolored disc A flying saucer So bright A beautiful sight Its speed was impressive Buzzing, shining Oh yeah Floating away The infinite traveler appeared And we asked him "How is it an endless thing?" Telepathically Here's what he said Endless is all of us It's time to know We're not alone This world is our home This world is a gift He told us that the Universe Is a nice hug So together we became The Plimplom Gang Plimplom He told us that the Universe Is a nice hug So together we became The Plimplom Gang Plimplom Plimplom, Plimplom, Plimplom - We'll sign a contract later, OK? - Great.
- It'll be good for you.
All right? - Thank you.
See you.
Plimplom, Plimplom, Plimplom So together we became The Plimplom Gang [muted cheering] - [one person claps] - [someone shouts] It's over, Samantha.
Who are we trying to fool? Here, take your pay check and get lost.
I'm not your agent anymore, OK? Who are you working with, Marcinho? That redneck with a moustache? It's called peach fuzz.
And she's viral.
Scored over a million views with a video! You don't know what viral means.
- I'm a cultural heritage.
- Ruined.
You'll regret this.
Mark my words.
[Marcinho] If you were younger, I'd help.
Put you naked on a magazine, marry you with some famous gay from TV, but [Marcinho] Want some advice? From a father? Take the offer for that porn movie.
Before it's too late.
Take a good look at my face, Marcinho.
You will see me on television.
You know what will happen? You will crawl, begging me to come back.
You have a fucking star on your head and you're threatening me? It'd be easier to change my name to Joelma than ask you to come back.
See you soon, Joelma.
My bad, Paulão.
It's all going to Save the Bees.
He doesn't deserve you! He has someone else.
Are you seeing it on my hand? No, but everyone here has been gossiping about it.
Let's go, kids! It's over.
Cindy, cape.
Brandon, boot.
And the other one.
Tiara? Got the sneakers? Where are they? [Samantha] I want to go now.
Come on.
Let's go.
[male] Help me, kids! - [Ciggy] Help me get this off! - [Cindy] It's stuck.
Everyone gets a parking ticket here.
Are you working here now? No, I already told your co-worker this is a TV costume.
Get out Samantha? Since I was five.
I can't believe this.
My mother was crazy about you.
She named me after you, but I'm Symantha with a Y.
[laughing] How cool.
But if you'll excuse me, I'm leaving work, you know? You're working! That's great.
It's tough out here.
The Internet, apps.
Streets are dead.
- Can you take a photo with me? - Of course.
[shutter clicks] Let's see.
I've one eye that opens less than the other one.
- [hooker sighs] - You don't look good? Me, no, I look great.
[shouting] Who's the dirty old man who farted in here? [laughing] Samantha? [together] Yes? He is speaking to me.
Excuse me now.
Nice to meet you.
- Bye! - Bye! [sighs] Samantha we've been through worse.
- Remember that reality show? - It was the ostrich's fault, Cig.
[laughing] I know, princess.
Oh It's going to be all right, OK? [he kisses] Let's go, children! Let's go! - [computer game beeps] - [children laugh] - [Brandon] That's so funny.
- Brandon.
- Take this.
- [Brandon] OK.
[whispering] Thank you.
- There's something wrong here.
- What? [Samantha] What's going on? Kids, lock the doors! - Lock the doors! Lock them.
- Mom? - [Samantha] Dodoi? - [Cindy] Dad? [people shouting] [shouting] Brandon, I'm here.
I'm here! Hold my hand.
What the hell? [Samantha] Son, stay calm.
[kids scream] It's over, calm down.
Let's get out of the car.
Come on.
[door opens] No! Turn it off! They'll see me.
What are you doing here? Dad! - I'm out! - Did you escape from prison? - Will we be arrested? - Calm down.
I'm free! [Samantha] What do you mean free? It's been 12 years, Samantha! - There's a guy climbing on the car! - It's because Dad is famous.
No, it's just that Brazilians have a short memory.
[Brandon] He's getting naked! He tattooed Dad's face on his butt! These people are insane.
There's a pregnant man saying the baby is mine! I was in prison, how could I get someone pregnant? Kids, you're going to bed early today, OK? I need to have a little chat with your dad.
- But it's still midnight.
- We can make an exception.
Go on.
Give Dad a kiss.
[kissing] [Dodoi] And you, come here.
Aren't you happy to see me? I was last happy to see you when you signed the divorce papers.
Take it, my love.
And stop crying, for Christ's sake.
[baby cries] [Cindy] Mommy, is Daddy coming to live with us? No.
Daddy is spending Christmas with us.
We came to surprise him.
Is he a gift from Santa? No, baby.
Santa Claus isn't real.
Look, look [gate opens] [Samantha] Now.
It's Daddy! [tires screech] [Dodoi laughs] [Dodoi] Here we go, let's drink! [baby screams] - I didn't see you, I told you.
- [Samantha] Yeah, right.
- I have changed.
- Say it to your pals.
It was the drink.
I quit drinking.
That thing is evil.
I married you while you were in prison.
We had two kids when your life was a mess.
I stood by your side when no one else wanted to.
[people shouting outside] Mom, the samba school is outside! Can I go out and dance? Go to bed, Brandon! Go to Rio, Dodoi.
- Look at your pals partying outside.
- I don't want that, Samantha.
I was thinking about buying a ranch in a place that no one knows us.
Breakfast in bed every day, orange juice, delicious papayas I'm a family man.
The perfect husband, sweetie.
The next time you call me sweetie, you know what'll happen to you? - I'll cut off your balls.
- [Dodoi grunts] [Samantha] Are you kidding me? Did you eat shit? You and me, in a little ranch, my dear - Now that my life is great? - I have the right to stay with my kids.
I don't need you, Dodoi! Come on! Get out of here.
- [people shouting] - [cameras click] Send these people away, please.
Calm down, people! I will talk to everybody.
Good evening, people.
- Everybody from the press, OK? - Where is Dodoi? Dodoi is really tired.
He sent me to speak to you.
I sincerely wish you respected my family.
[woman] Forget this bitch, Dodoi! Keep it to yourself, my dear.
[laughing] [reporter] You two dating again? [woman] Why did you stop singing? I've never stopped singing.
I am a slave for my fans.
[cheering] [woman] Will you never be famous again? - Global warming: myth or reality? - [man] You giving him a second chance? [man] Inseminate me, Samantha! Tonight you'll sleep here on the couch.
Tomorrow you'll look for a place to stay.
- What did you say? - What they wanted to hear.
Why haven't they left? Because they've just arrived.
Samantha, give back the man's leg.
The show will start! [woman] You're singing together.
He's our guest, Samantha! Samantha, this is not a joke.
You're going to ruin everything! [chuckles] Take me home, take me to school, take me to the park, comb my hair, but never forget me.
I'm your best friend! Ask your mommy to buy me for Christmas! [announcer] Available in Japanese and Madagascan versions.
[people shouting outside] People need you.
It's you they look for when the sky seems to be sad! [doorbell rings] Hey, sweetie! You're pretty today! Eh? Where is she? Come in, but keep quiet because my dad is sleeping.
Who is it? What a surprise, Joelma! Life is crazy, right? You're doing it wrong.
What did we agree? Stop the bullshit, I have knee implants! I know you kneel three times a day, but not to pray.
[sighs] You don't know how many times my phone rang Not like this.
I want lower.
[Samantha] Lower, come on! Yes, like that, as you are.
They're calling for shows, radio, a lingerie fashion show, to visit children with cancer Oh yeah? And your niece who breast-fed that goat on YouTube? It doesn't matter, I took the wrong dose of medicine.
I'd never speak to you like that in a sound state of mind, you're part of Brazilian heritage.
Are you calling me old? Legendary! You are legendary.
Let me be your agent again.
My grandma owes me money.
I'll invest it, profit guaranteed.
It's all about Samantha and Dodoi! Who wants to know about Dodoi? Couples sell, Samantha! People believe in any bullshit.
You want to be my agent again? All right.
But it's going to be my way, understand? A show with special guests, dancers, everything, got it? And you know what I want? Prime time! From now on, it's got to be big.
[squeals] Big just like you, right, my queen? [laughs] [snoring] - [Samantha] You wanted to be a dad? - I don't know any Katiane.
Food, homework, drive them to school.
I have a show to produce.
- Here.
- Calm down.
I'm the father, not the nanny.
I will give you this chance, OK? Try not to ruin everything again.
[blender whirs] [blender whirs erratically] I think I'll just drink my macchiato espresso.
Look, what a bilingual kid! - You know I almost played in Italy? - I don't like soccer.
Basketball? Something more Olympic, like gymnastics? I'm more of an intellectual type.
I'm writing my autobiography.
[Dodoi] Right.
Brandon it must be hard for you to live here alone with two women.
I get along with women.
Just like your daddy! But now you have a buddy here, right? Everything you can't tell your mom, you can tell me.
I tell Mom everything.
Yes, but I'm here to answer any question, got it? Any questions at all.
Hmm Anything at all? Yes, any question anything.
On Frozen, Elsa was locked in the castle because she had freezing powers.
What was your power when you got arrested? [Cindy] Is everything OK? Everything's great! I've made you a great breakfast.
That's sweet.
Thanks! But we have to hurry, I have to go to school.
- Just so you know, I'm vegan.
- Didn't your mom raise you as a Catholic? No, vegans don't eat anything from animals.
But all food comes from animals.
That's delicious! What did you put in here? Lemongrass? Guys, you know what I was thinking? I don't know, maybe we could do something more fun.
It's my first day out.
"Fun" like skipping school? Mom will kill us.
Brandon, easy there, I'm your dad.
I also know what's best for my kids.
I'll be damned.
[stuttering] Kids, relax, we'll do everything responsibly, OK? [kids whimper] How long since you last drove? - Twelve years, can you believe it? - Yes! Look ahead, for the love of God! [car whizzes by] Come on, you overreacted.
I'm great behind the wheel, right? - I'm good at men's stuff.
- Men's stuff? Now you'll hear about how the world has changed.
- Dad, the world's changed.
- See? And there's a kind of man that is endangered.
- Like rhinos.
- [Cindy] Exactly.
Did you know there are only 2,000 rhinos left in the world? You don't want to be a rhino, Dad? No So learn this: There's no "men's stuff".
[camera shutters click] [Samantha] No, I don't regret anything in my life.
It was just another moment, you know? I'd only pose naked today if it were for a noble cause.
And it has nothing to do with my age, because I'm still quite young.
I've even promised on my Instagram page that if corruption in Brazil ends, I'll walk naked in the street! What about Dodoi, are you two dating again? Life is a springboard, right? [laughing] Who can tell about the future? [Marcinho] Beer commercial? Of course they'll fucking do it.
Beer, sausages, meds Cigarettes What matters is they speak to the youth.
But would you, as an adult, be willing to give in more than when you were child? Today, just like when I was a child, I'm ready to give in to everything, except for my career and personal life.
[Ciggy] Samantha! [grunting] [Ciggy] Little Princess! - [Ciggy] Samantha! - That's enough with this old man, right? - Little princess.
- [Samantha] Yes? - I think I'd prefer the old costume.
- Me too.
But they said it's not cool anymore.
I didn't want to argue.
Was this necessary? SMOKING CAUSES SEXUAL IMPOTENCE See? What? Did I bring you here just to look around? I'll play striker! Man, I hate soccer! [man] Where's the plié? [man] You're looking beautiful! Wait! Stop.
[man] That's great.
[Ciggy] We can stop.
That's it.
- See you tomorrow.
Thanks! - [dancer] Bye.
Samantha! Feel free to go home early.
The problem is not me, it's them.
They bounce for anything.
- I want nothing to do with this! - Go rest.
You've got enough rhythm.
No need to learn new choreographies.
Are you listening? Are they laughing at me? Really? Are you laughing at me? You are nothing more than extras! Look, I don't need these resentful jerks, OK? If I want it, I just snap my fingers and they are fired! You got that? Wanna see it? No! We need them, dear! I need no one but myself.
[Cindy] Mmm - I defended the goal! - With your face.
Here, I deserve it more! I'm the one who got a black eye.
Don't tell your mom, that's our deal, right, son? Relax, I'll put some makeup on and she won't even notice.
Ouch, my head Does this have pistachio? Yes! Pistachios, strawberry, cherry, everything.
- Brandon is allergic to pistachios! - You're kidding! - I don't want to die in this dirty car! - We have to go to the hospital now! [Dodoi] Help him, Cindy! Stop eating the ice cream! [Dodoi] Help the boy! Will you go back to prison? No, son, I won't.
Me? No! I'm fine.
Cindy didn't try to auction Brandon on the internet? No, it's all good.
Brandon didn't try to sell his life story to Globo? None of that.
After school, we watched soap operas and they slept.
Dodoi, Cindy and Brandon quietly watching TV? [Dodoi] Mm-hmm.
[Samantha laughs] Admit it, Dodoi.
No need to be ashamed.
Kids are a lot of work.
Ashamed of what? Of being a kickass dad? It's probably hard for those "rhinos" who can't share tasks with women, right? And there was time for a speech by Cindy? I've been this way since I was born.
Sweet And sexy.
Do you think this is a conjugal visit? Look, I spent 11 years taking care of my kids on my own.
I'm not going to congratulate you for taking them to school.
- [sighs] - [door slams] [sighs] [gasps] [groans] [grunts] [Dodoi] So you have keys, Cig? Who's there? Is it a spirit? [Dodoi] A spirit, Cig? Fofão? [laughing] Is it you? Are you trying to make contact? - Hold on, I'll write it down.
- [Dodoi] It's Dodoi.
Oh! You scared me! [laughing] I thought it was a friend.
[laughing] You've been with her a long time, right? I've been her friend since the time it was cool to be a cigarette.
[laughing] [Ciggy] It's been a while Is she giving you much trouble? I was away too long, Cig.
It's hard to understand what she wants.
I'm here now.
I'll help to leave this life.
Leave this life? You still don't understand.
[Ciggy laughs] [coughing] [Dodoi] Are you OK, man? [coughing] I'm just tired.
And old.
You've done it all, haven't you? [Ciggy] No! I've got a lot of things left to do.
I still have to rob a bank with a toy gun, because who hasn't done it with a real gun? Parachuting without an instructor I have to make love to a man What's the matter? Don't trust what people say, sex with men is not so cool, Cig.
[Ciggy laughs] A dancer was hitting on me today.
You know what he told me? He told me he was "fluid".
[chuckles] That's it, Cig.
If I learned anything in prison, it's that we have to do what makes us happy.
[Dodoi] Go for it.
[Samantha] So many signatures! Too many, Joelma! It was a little more expensive than I had in mind, but it's good news.
- [Samantha] Let me see! - Ready? I'll show it to you! Ta-daa! "Big handbags are coming back into fashion"? Here, on the footnote.
The human eye goes straight to the footnote.
- [Samantha] What's this? - [Marcinho] Your interview! This tiny thing? It's not even a page! I spent hours telling my intimate stuff to that woman.
And look at this! My name is misspelled.
I told her my name's not Samantha anymore.
- Not Samantha anymore? - No.
It's Samantha! With an exclamation point at the end.
- Repeat it.
- Samantha.
No, Samantha! "Samanthá", emphasis on the last "A".
- Samanthá.
- Listen, you'll see.
- Samantha! - Samantha.
- Samantha! - Like an exclamation.
- Samantha! - Samantha! Samantha! - Samantha.
- Samantha! Samantha.
"Samantha! There's a huge line for your show.
" "Samantha! Your car's outside.
" "Samantha! Ivete went home crying.
" Try it! - Ivete never goes home crying.
- You wouldn't know! [Samantha] Dodoi! I'll kill you! [Samantha] That's what happens when you help someone.
What happens is that you get stabbed in the back in your own house.
I want to know what this is! "Big handbags back in fashion"? No, Dodoi! I'm talking about this.
What is this? EX-SOCCER PLAYER DODOI INVADED PITCH An article about you? My interview is only this tiny piece which you need a telescope to read.
This whole page.
What is this, Dodoi? I can't even see it.
- You can't? Brandon? - I don't have my glasses.
Cindy, the picture is pretty big.
Is it a soccer pitch? Suddenly everyone's nearsighted here.
It's OK, I'll read it to you.
[Samantha] "Former soccer star Dodoi invaded Pacaembu Stadium, played soccer with his kids, did some ball-bouncing, and took photos with fans.
" Can I die now? With so much cuteness? Is that why my photo came out so small in the footnote? Samantha, I didn't see any photographers.
You were supposed to take the kids to school.
Look how my son is! But I'm great! So that's what you came back for? To mess up my life? Because if so, you should have stayed in prison.
[Samantha] Put me down gently, OK? Careful with your Cindy It doesn't matter that this place isn't normal.
Our lives aren't normal anyway.
[chuckling] She's going to be so pretty.
Just like her mom What's this? The key to our home for when you leave here.
[door opens] This is a really important night for me, and I need my family with me.
I didn't mean to say that, OK? Of course it wouldn't be better if you'd stayed in prison.
Hey I didn't even have to fire the old guy! It couldn't be better than this if we tried.
What are you talking about? [Ciggy] No, I was waiting for you to ask me out.
I wanted to know if you have - [Ciggy] Stop it! - [Samantha] That's all I needed now! Leave me, Samantha! I'm old.
Stop this nonsense! It's always been like this.
Who's going to help me if I forget the lyrics? Look at me.
Get on this stage and help me shine.
Marcinho is right.
Who is going to need a stinky old man? Cig! This is just the beginning.
We'll make a comeback, you and me together, on television.
Samantha television is dead! [cheering] [crowd, chanting] Samantha! Samantha! [crowd, chanting] Samantha! Samantha! [Ciggy] Dodoi, come here! It happened! Did you rob a bank? His name is Wilson, silly! - The dancer? - Yeah, him and two others! But what they did, man, first they grabbed me All right, Cig.
I'm glad for you! [Ciggy laughs] - I'll see how the kids are.
- OK.
[sighs] [Ciggy] You are Brazil's most beloved girl! [Ciggy] Don't forget your tiara! [crowd cheers] [pop music plays] What matters is to never stop belie [Samantha] Cig? What's wrong, Cig? [Dodoi] Someone help! - [Samantha] Talk to me! - [Marcinho] Come on, Samantha! Dodoi [Marcinho] Now, for fuck's sake! Leave this old man behind, Samantha! [crowd, chanting] Samantha! Samantha! Do you know how much this costs? I'll destroy your career! - Go! Call a doctor! - [Dodoi] I need a phone.
[Samantha] Call the doctor.
Cig? Talk to me, Cig.
"If there is anyone reading this, it is because I am dead.
I don't have anything to say at my wake, so I decided to make a list to out every gay stud on Brazilian television at the TV Tupi network.
" [woman] Stop [woman] Thank you.
If a friend would like to say something, please - [Dodoi] Go on.
- [Cindy] Go.
Go! - [Brandon] Come on, Mom.
- [Dodoi] Go on.
[Samantha's memory] Samonster! The happiest day of my life was [Samantha's memory] Samonster! Sometimes, what we want the most [Samantha's memory] Samonster! [Ciggy] Samantha! [Ciggy] What matters is to never stop believing.
[quietly] When it seems like The sky is getting sad And the world is getting dark Listen to the wind, telling you [louder] That the sun is smiling Stunning I'll never allow Sadness to win over me The world is movement And now is the moment Morning star Wait, guys, didn't I park here? The car was towed, Samantha.
We better take a cab.
"We" are too many people, and my house is not a hotel, OK? [car horn beeps] [tires screech] Are you that gorgeous couple from that beer commercial? - Bullshit! - Have I ever lied to you? Don't answer! You two were chosen to be the new faces of a Canoe Beer commercial.
Good brand, OK? When you get used to it, it's an excellent beer.
What did I tell you? Couples sell, damn it! You know what I like about you, Joelma? You don't hold grudges.
I had two options: hate you forever or make 20 percent of everything.
I chose both.
Huh? Let's go for a ride, kids! You know that the house is yours, right? Imagine if I'd actually listened to you and moved out? Imagine how you'd be? You should thank me, darling.
I'm bringing you back from exile.
I'm calling it "jail ostracism" to make it more elegant.
You're glad that I'm back.
Don't get used to it, OK? Subtitle translation by Leticia Bianco