Saturday Night Live (1975) s36e07 Episode Script
Anne Hathaway and Florence + The Machine
hello and welcome to "the Rachel maddow show.
" [ cheers and applause .]
I'm rachel maddow, and in a Cross-promotion with the new "harry potter" movie, my haircut Will look ke this forever.
Joining us today, new republican Speaker of the house, john Boehner.
thank you for pronouncing it Right.
You can imagine people have a Lot of fun with it.
speaker of the house nancy Pelosi.
hello, rachel.
Hello, boner.
and last but not least, a man Recently found guilty of 11 Ethics violations, charlie Rangel.
I am somewhat innocent.
john boehner, we start with You.
Your party claims it wants to Lower the deficit but don't Extending the bush tax cuts to The top earners add $700 billion To the deficit? rachel, on election night the American people spoke, and they Spoke loudly.
And the words they spoke were Stop the tax hikes and stop the Spending.
but surely you don't think You can close the deficit gap Solely with cuts in spending.
rachel, the american people Could not have been louder or Clearer.
True story, on election night I Was asleep and suddenly I heard Voices.
I went to my window and I opened It up.
It was the voices of the American people, and they were Saying loudly and in unison like A great big quartet, stop the Tax hikes and stop the spending.
so if your only measure to Lower the deficit is reducing Spending, what are some of the Programs that you would be Willing to cut? on this sadly the american People were not clear.
I yelled from my window, American people, what specific Programs should we cut? Their voices faded away into the Night.
The last thing I heard was, "stop the tax hikes!" Stop the spending! one last question, aren't you Glad I didn't mention the color Of your face? very funny.
we turn now to the current Speaker of the house, nancy Pelosi.
hello, rachel.
madam speaker, republicans Are saying that america spoke in The midterm elections, and Democrats need to completely Change the way they do things.
and it's such a good point, Rachel.
And I do intend to follow the Wonderful example of Republicans, who after the 2008 Election when the democrats took The presidency and both houses, Completely changed the way they Did things.
I think we all remember how Helpful they became.
So willing to reach across the Aisle.
Oh, wait, I had that backwards.
They turned into a pack of dogs Guarding a turned-over trash Can.
this week you held off a Challenge from within your own Party for your own leadership Position.
Does that bother you? nothing bothers me, rachel.
That's why I always have the Same expression.
[ laughter .]
But I want to assure my enemies That it will take more than one Election to take me down.
If you want to get rid of nancy Pelosi, you'd better be ready to Cut off my head and bury it Separately from my body.
nancy pelosi, a woman who Always looks like she's watching Someone not use a coaster.
[ laughter .]
Now the democrat who had the Toughest week, charlie rangel.
Welcome, congressman.
hello, young man.
[ laughter .]
what was your reaction to Thursday's censure? rachel, I did not deserve This treatment.
I am a 20-term congressman.
I'm a decorated war hero.
I was awarded both the bronze Star as well as the silver Pompadour.
Yet still I am attacked.
well, you're under attack for Your legal troubles.
I'd like to make a Distinction.
People keep saying I'm having Legal troubles.
These are ethics violations.
I did nothing criminal.
I just did things that were Unethical.
Did I kill someone? No.
Did I lie for the purposes of Getting money? Perhaps.
When I say perhaps, do I mean Yes? I do.
[ laughter .]
But I am not a criminal.
I am just a person that can and Should not be trusted.
charlie rangel, if you lived In the old west, he'd be the Bartender.
you got me.
[ laughter .]
final thoughts, john boehner? excuse me, rachel, it's the American people.
Stop taxes.
What else? Stop spending.
What spending? Hello? Hello, you're breaking up.
Hello.
I lost him.
nancy pelosi? I'm sorry, rachel, it seems My necklace has gone missing.
john boehner? don't look at me.
charlie rangel? [ laughter .]
Give that back.
no, thank you.
Rachel, in closing, I just want To say I'm proud to live in a Country where a man like charlie Rangel can be a congressman and A 12-year-old boy like yourself Can have his own tv show.
that's all the time we have.
And live from new york, it's Saturday night! [ cheers and applause .]
announcer: It's "Saturday Night live"! With fred armisen Abby elliott Bill hader Seth meyers Bobby moynihan Andy samberg Jason sudeikis Kenan thompson Kristen wiig Featuring vanessa bayer Paul brittain Taran killam Nasim pedrad Jay pharaoh Musical guest florence and the Machine and your host, anne Hathaway! Ladies and gentlemen, anne Hathaway! Captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- Captions by vitac -- [ cheers and applause .]
it's so great to be hosting "snl" again.
Ladies and gentlemen, it's the Thanksgiving show! [ cheers and applause .]
All right.
I'm so excited.
And because my new movie, "love And other drugs," opens Wednesday.
[ cheers and applause .]
Thank you.
Thank you.
This movie, it's a real Departure from the kinds of Movies that I'm known for in That it contains a substantial Amount of nudity.
And I have to say, the press has Been all over it.
I mean, well, here I am with my Co-star, jake gyllenhaal on the Cover of this week's "entertainment weekly.
" And we were also on the cover of "jet.
" [ laughter .]
And children's magazine "highlights.
" That was a fun shoot.
Okay.
Let me just get this out of the Way.
Yes, it's very nerve-racking to Do nude scenes.
But I believe that if it ensures The integrity of the story, an Actor should go for it.
hey, anne, sorry to Interrupt.
it's okay, andy.
I have a couple changes in The boardroom sketch.
We're putting you in a curlier Wig, and we're changing the name Of the company to techno tech.
okay, that's better.
Yeah.
and also, we're going to need You to be naked.
oh.
Um, is it important to the Scene? it is so important.
[ laughter .]
then I'll do it.
thank you.
[ laughter .]
okay.
Where was I? Right.
Serving the story.
hey, anne.
hey, bobby.
hey.
How are you? what's up? in the turkey family sketch, We need a few changes.
You're still going to have the Beak and the waddle, but other Than that, you're going to be Naked.
oh, like a turkey that's had All of her feathers plucked.
Oh, my gosh, that's hilarious.
so wait, you'll do it? yeah.
neat! Andy, it worked! everyone is so great here.
So anyway, it's a story -- hey, anne.
The funeral sketch -- get naked? great minds.
anyway, integrity is probably My favorite word.
anne, anne, oh, anne.
hi, kristen.
hi.
You don't have to be naked to be Taken seriously as an actor.
that's not why I do it, Kristen.
Like I said, it's about the Craft.
It's about art.
It's about trust.
And I really trust these guys.
[ laughter .]
yeah, you weren't ever going To get naked, were you? nah, I wasn't.
I just lied to make them happy.
and that's what thanksgiving Is all about.
[ laughter .]
it sure is.
We have a great show for you Tonight.
I'm so excited to be hosting Again.
Florence and the machine is Here.
[ cheers and applause .]
Stick around.
We'll be right back.
[ cheers and applause .]
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[ cheers and applause .]
hey, y'all.
It's "the miley cyrus show" with Me, miley cyrus.
I got guests and a show and I'm ready to go so I guess that's pretty Cool it's pretty cool [ cheers and applause .]
hello! It's miley, y'all.
This is my show where I talk to People that are pretty cool and Talk about things that are Pretty cool.
And yes, it's pretty cool.
The miley cyrus band over here, We've got my dad, billy ray Cyrus.
miley, it's an honor to share The stage with my baby girl.
thanks, dad.
Okay.
So I thought I'd do something New in my comedy monologue this Week.
So this is my little sister, Smiley.
And she's going to help me with My comedy monologue.
Hey, smiley, did you know that The average american woman Spends 20 hours doing holiday Shopping? 20 hours? That's like a full day.
That's crazy.
I know.
It's crazy, right? That was me doing the voice of Smiley, y'all.
She's not my sister.
She's actually a puppet.
oh, you had them fooled, Sweetie.
I talked to smiley for a half Hour backstage.
I thought she was just shy.
dad, knock it off.
Okay.
So as you've probably heard, I'm Sexy now.
So we're going to do a segment Now where we show pictures of me Being sexy.
Like here's one of me getting Steamy with a male model.
Here's one of me doing, like, a Sexy, flirty wink.
Here's one of me doing a sexy Pose with a snake like britney Spears.
And here's me as sharon stone in "basic instinct.
" [ laughter .]
That's pretty sexy, right? ooh.
My little girl's growing up.
my guest tonight is a very Sexy lady.
Just like me.
So please give a big shout-out To katie holmes.
[ cheers and applause .]
So, katie holmes, you used to be On a show called "dawson's Creek" back in the 1900s.
[ laughter .]
So that must have been pretty Cool.
oh, it was -- my character, Joey, was such a joy to play.
On the surface she just seemed Like another cute, popular girl.
But to me, she was this Incredibly complicated and Intelligent woman.
yeah.
Like me.
So there is something I've Always wanted to ask you.
Like how did you transition into Doing more adult roles? And what's the sexiest role You've ever done? And like how many boys have you Kissed on screen? And like who's your best friend? And like who's tom cruise's best Friend? And why does your baby wear high Heels? And what does jesus think of Scientology? wow! That is such an interesting Array of complex questions.
ooh! Great job, baby.
You're like a pretty little Regis.
dad.
you're my role model.
so katie holmes, you played Batman's girlfriend in the first Ever batman movie in 2005.
Which is pretty cool.
Because I just auditioned to Play his girlfriend in the next Batman movie.
So, like, do you want to see my Screen test? sure, okay.
okay, let's roll that clip! we need to get out of here.
This whole place is going to Blow.
oh, my god.
This is so scary and Suspenseful.
And I'm in all this danger right Now.
And you're batman so you're kind Of like a bat and a hot guy.
You're really sexy and it's Really scary and it's really Suspenseful, and I might die.
[ cheers and applause .]
so what do you think? yeah.
There's a lot of -- interesting Complexity there.
and the oscar goes to my baby Girl! I mean, you melt my heart, my Achy breaky heart.
well, that's our show.
My thanks to katie holmes.
thank you.
The pleasure was -- okay.
Thanks for watching, y'all.
Come on, dad.
Let's do our song.
yeah.
I got guests and a show and we're ready to go so I guess that's pretty Cool it's pretty cool [ cheers and applause .]
hi, everyone.
I just want to thank you so much For volunteering at st.
Angel's Thanksgiving soup kitchen.
These dinners are so fun.
Last year we ate and laughed and Partied.
And we didn't get out of here Until, like, 8:30.
I'm talking p.
M.
I'm lisa, and it's my first Time doing this.
I'm excited.
and I'm lou.
And seeing all of these Wonderful faces here today, it Really warms my heart.
it warms my heart, too.
Mine's burning a lot, though.
It's like a little fire in my Bra.
Can't say the pledge of Allegiance or I'll burn my hand.
as I was saying, thanksgiving Is a special time for me.
An interesting fact, thanks to Ancestry.
Com, I just found out That I had relatives come over On the mayflower.
my relatives came over on the April flower.
They got here one month before Yours did.
all right.
Good to know.
Ooh.
I can see that people are Starting to arrive.
I'm going to open the doors.
And everybody, let's get our Aprons on.
come on in.
Come on in.
Happy thanksgiving.
Happy turkey day.
happy thanksgiving.
Happy fourth of July.
I hope you get to see a lot of Fireworks because you live Outside.
I think I got this covered.
Why don't you go over there and Help with the corn.
mashed potatoes? yes, please.
They're my favorite.
then maybe I can sneak you a Little extra.
I'll sneak you a little Extra, too.
wow, I am thankful for you, Lady.
penelope, with a are you Doing? You can't give that much corn to One person.
Here.
well, don't be so hard on Her.
She means well.
fine.
Just don't bring out any more Big silverware, okay? Pastor mike, it's so good to see You.
happy thanksgiving, everyone.
Wow, look at all these turkeys.
And there's food here, too.
oh, pastor mike, You tell the best jokes.
I tell good jokes, too.
I tell better ones.
Did you hear about the peanut That went into central park, and It was assaulted.
That's my time.
You've been a great crowd.
pastor mike, I saved you a Drumstick.
don't mind if I do.
Come by to my family.
The whole family's here, all Three of us.
my family's here, too.
It's bigger than yours.
They're right over there.
excuse me, mary.
Some of people are wondering if We can turn up the volume on the Game.
oh, of course.
That's no problem at all.
I'd be happy to do that.
I'm already doing it, so I'm Going to turn it up a little Louder than you would have.
if pastor mike wasn't here, I'd kick that girl in the Giblets.
oh, she's just trying to be Helpful.
oh, that's the longest drive I've ever seen.
What's he doing? No one's in the end zone.
who is that? me.
I caught it.
Thank you.
what is happening? does anyone want this Football? I can't play anymore.
I just tested positive for Steroids.
[ laughter .]
she is ruining this entire Day.
She's acting like she's the Queen of thanksgiving.
I am the queen of Thanksgiving.
[ laughter .]
I now dub the sir waddle of Gobble, so congratulations.
[ laughter .]
really? Penelope, really? You're the queen of Thanksgiving? I'm the president of wednesdays.
And you know what else? I drive a tanning bed to work.
And if I clap three times, a Wiener dog appears.
And my dad is a chocolate chip.
And you know what else? If I want to relax, I turn Myself into a pot of soup, so [ laughter .]
well, I guess all I can say Is that my tanning bed drives me To work so I can read the paper And have my coffee.
[ laughter .]
And if I clap twice, all the Dogs in the world get an extra Wiener.
[ laughter .]
My dad is a chocolate chip Cookie, so your dad is baked Inside him.
[ laughter .]
And when I want to relax, I just Shrink into a pot Of soup, and float around and Use the celery stick as a raft And the noodles as a slide.
[ laughter .]
oh! Why am I wasting my time? try to have some food and Relax.
mary, I think we have a Situation over here.
happy thanksgiving.
[ cheers and applause .]
I'm thankful for a little More than you.
Happy turkey day.
hello, grandmama.
Hello grandpapa.
hello.
hello, my dear boy.
of course, you remember my Girlfriend, katherine.
it's a pleasure to see you Again, your majesties.
yes, yes.
I want you to be the first to Know that we are to be wed.
katherine, we welcome to your Family with open arms and open Hearts.
thank you.
I love your grandson very much.
And I'm honored to join the Windsor family, your majesty.
I beg your pardon, prince William, telephone call for you.
well, I'm only be a moment.
Do chat until I return.
your majesties, william and I Have been walking on air.
It's all so brilliant and Exciting.
shut up.
what? I said shut your mouth.
what do you want? I'm sorry, your majesty, what Do I want? we know what you want.
You see our setup here.
You like it.
Yeah, little girl.
fruits on platters, guys in White gloves serving us tea.
you think you can show up, Take over.
Do a big of queening and that, Right? uh, I beg your pardon, your Majesty, but why are you two Talking like that? this is how we really talk, Love.
Not so nice, right? But it gets the job done, don't It? your majesty, I promise I Don't want that.
I want william.
well, if you're going to be Part of the family, you've got To know the rules.
oh, your majesty, your Secretary briefed me on all Royal etiquette.
I'm not talking about salad Forks, love.
This ain't "the princess Diaries.
" that's right.
Because that movie's crap.
I think it has its moments.
What rule are you talking about, Your majesty? first off, when it comes to a Palace, don't start out with Questions.
Never forget that we are in Charge here, yeah? You see that rope over there.
Pull the rope.
yes, your majesty.
piss off.
yes, your majesty.
majesty, why did you call Them in just to tell them to Piss off? because we do whatever we Want.
that was the first time I had Ever met sir winston churchill.
so sorry, grandmama.
Seems as though there was Trouble with prince harry.
He was overserved and ended up Crashing his car.
how dreadful.
William, we're just getting to Another dear katherine.
kate, grandmama has never Taken to anyone like this.
What joy.
I'll be back.
nice little bloke, isn't he? Used to be better looking, but Still.
your majesty -- now, drop the "your majesty" Crap.
Call me debra.
all right.
Debra.
a clever girl.
That's good.
when you're out there waving To a parade, you'll be princess Di, you'll be princess grace, But when you're in the bedroom, Think fergie.
that's horrible.
we're horrible people, aren't We? I've got to get away from You.
no, you can't get Away from here, I'm on the Money.
the money.
william! oh, that is why we ride in a Carriage.
sorry grandmama, but kate and I have to give a press Conference now.
Let's go my love.
wonderful getting to know you My dear.
yes, please call again soon.
good-bye, your maj -- Good-bye, debra.
I'll bet I could kick your Ass.
[ cheers and applause .]
ladies and gentlemen, Florence and the machine.
[ cheers and applause .]
happiness hit her Like a train on a track Coming towards her Stuck still no turning back she hid around corners And she hid under beds She killed it with kisses And from it she fled with every bubble She sank with her drink And washed it away Down the kitchen sink the dog days are over The dog days are done The horses are coming So you better run run fast for your mother Run fast for your father Run for your children For your sisters and brothers Leave all your loving Your loving behind You can't carry it with you if you want to survive The dog days are over The dog days are done Can you hear the horses? 'cause here they come And I never wanted Anything from you Except everything you had and what was left After that too, oh Happiness hit her Like a bullet in the head struck from a great height By someone Who should know better Than that the dog days are over The dog days are done Can you hear the horses? 'cause here they come run fast for your mother Run fast for your father Run for your children For your sisters and brothers Leave all your loving Your loving behind You can't carry it with you if you want to survive The dog days are over The dog days are done Can you hear the horses? 'cause here they come Here they come Here they come Here they come here they come [ cheers and applause .]
announcer: "weekend update With seth meyers.
" [ cheers and applause .]
good evening.
I'm seth meyers, and here are Tonight's top stories.
this year marks the first Thanksgiving in which travelers Will get molested before they Get to their uncle's house.
[ laughter .]
Has anyone handled your bags? Yes, you right now.
You know, if I wanted somebody Half-heartedly patting my groin Without eye contact, I'd get Married.
[ laughter .]
The tsa did say Tuesday that Children going through airport Security will no longer be Subject to the aggressive Pat-downs that have angered many Adult passengers.
Said terrorists, loophole! [ laughter .]
the british royal family Announced Tuesday that prince William is engaged to his Longtime girlfriend, Kate middleton.
"well, there goes my chance," Said a lady in ohio to her cat.
[ laughter .]
the house ethics panel on Tuesday found representative Charles rangel guilty on 11 counts of breaking house Rules, and one count of Impersonating the lorax.
[ laughter .]
Inchsz thanksgiving is next week.
Here with some cooking tips is The food network's guy cietti.
yeah! Whoo! Seth meyers! Setting fires.
[ laughter .]
I don't set fires.
it's on like donkey kong.
[ laughter .]
okay.
Look, why don't we just get Started.
good call, meatball.
All right.
Let's get down to business.
Are you tired of the boring old T-day grubbing? Well, buckle up, put your Sunglasses on wrong and let me Help you make it full throttle.
[ laughter .]
Numero one.
Stuffing, fieri style.
Super simple to make.
Four cups pancake chunks, one Candy apple whip stick and a Quarter cup of raisins and 32 tablespoons of tequila Infused garlic butter.
[ laughter .]
sounds kind of heavy.
don't knock it til you fry It, seth.
I'm roughing up your stuffing.
Ha ha! Mmm! I could eat this off a Flip-flop.
[ laughter .]
Full throttle! Chow down, seth hound.
no, I'm good.
So, what's next? number dos.
Cranberry sauce.
An old favorite.
But let's take it even further Off the hook.
Just spork it out of the can Into a fifth of rumple minze and Garnish with raisins.
can you even taste the Cranberry? trust me, you'll go lansbury For this cranberry, because it's Dinner, she wrote.
I'd eat this off a moving truck Tire.
[ laughter .]
no, thanks.
That sounds like it's, like, 80% Alcohol.
[ laughter .]
How many of those have you had Tonight? 37! all right.
[ laughter .]
So what about the main course? numbrero three.
The turk.
Now, I, for one, go berserky for Turkey.
But, gobble gobble.
Let's make it full throbble.
did you say full throbble? I think I may have.
If you thought that was crazy, Then you will flip your bean When you hear this.
A chicken inside of a duck Inside of a turkey inside of a Rabbit inside of a pig inside of A baby cow inside of a big cow Inside of a horse all stuffed Into a cornish game hen.
[ laughter .]
It's called the Turducken-rab-pig-cow-cow-horse' Game hen.
that one sounds oddly Appealing.
yep, and then fry the whole Thing in jagermeister.
And serve with raisins.
why does everything have to Have alcohol in it? I'd eat this off a dirty Plate.
Full throttle! guy fieri, everyone! [ laughter .]
love, peace, and pizzle Grease.
[ cheers and applause .]
george w.
Bush on Tuesday Broke ground on his presidential Library in dallas.
Bush said it has long been his Dream to give local teenagers Something to drink behind.
this week the new oxford American dictionary named sarah Palin's refudiate which brings Us to a segment called "come on, Dictionary.
" "come on, dictionary.
" Shouldn't the word of the year Be better than sarah palin's Accidental mash-up of refute and Repudiate? We know it was an accident Because palin herself changed it To say refute.
She then defended herself Writing shakespeare liked to Coin new words, too.
Got to celebrate it.
There are a couple of Differences between shakespeare And sarah palin.
For one, when shakespeare coined New words, it wasn't by Accident.
He came up with words like Submerge and sneak.
He didn't just take two words That kind of mean the same thing And then smash them together to Make a third word that also kind Of means the same thing.
If you're going to make a word From two words, have it mean a New thing.
For example, gynosaur, a Gynecologi Gynecologist's dinosaur.
When you play fast and loose With a spoon.
And lumberjerk, the cashier that Overcharged you at home depot.
Shakespeare crafted new words.
Sarah palin got into a word Fender bender.
When shakespeare did come up With new words, he certainly Didn't say "got to celebrate It.
" In fact, I bet he never said That.
Shakespeare, what are you doing At the club? Just finished "12th night.
Got to celebrate it.
" We already have repudiate.
You can't change the "p" to an "f" and say you made a new word.
I'll use it in a sentence.
New oxford american dictionary, Please stop racing the english Language.
come on, dictionary.
apple announced Tuesday that The entire beatles catalog will Finally be available for Download on itunes.
I guess that's why my dad keeps Asking me to drive him to the Itunes store.
[ laughter .]
a group of 300 women in the Ukraine have become a fixture on The country's political scene With their practice of Protesting while topless.
Said ukrainian officials, "hey, No, stop.
" [ laughter .]
a coffee shop in Brooklyn, new york, has been Serving 20-ounce cups of Espresso, which is the Equivalent of ten shots.
All they ask is that you leave The coffee shop through the Door.
[ laughter .]
in a related story, demand For the caffeinated alcohol Drink four loko surged this week In new york.
After it was announced that the Beverage will no longer be Available here, here to comment Is one of four loko's creators, Chris hunter.
thanks for having me, seth.
Let's do it.
how do you feel about four Loko being banned in new york State? it's a shame.
It's a shame.
People love it.
They want to buy it, but the Government is getting in the Way.
well, to be fair, college Students have been hospitalized After using your product.
after misusing the product, Seth.
After misusing it, okay? These college kids are drinking The entire can.
What are they thinking? It's called servings, kids.
You've got to look on the side Of the can.
how many servings are in a Can? 120.
all right.
I'm sorry, why even serve it in A can at all if I don't know, it's easier to Carry around.
People are used to it.
Plus you've got cupholders in Your car made to hold it.
yeah, but you shouldn't be Drinking and driving.
yeah.
Yeah.
seth, we're a simple company.
Five years ago me and my ohio State bros figure, we love Getting drunk, but we can only Get so drunk because we kept Passing out.
We tried drinking jack and coke.
But I don't like jack and my Coke dealer got busted.
We came up with four loko.
I don't think it's that crazy of A product.
It's not crazy.
you do have crazy in the Name, four loko.
how so? you do know that loko means Crazy? I did not know that.
here's the thing.
There's nothing crazy about it.
We took two legal products that Americans love and combined Them.
Caffeine and a buttload of Alcohol.
I said to heck with this new Law.
We're going to keep doing what We do.
A brand-new drink combines boxed Wine, milk, buffalo sauce and Fiberglass.
All right? It's all legal stuff.
Here it is.
It's called the organ blaster.
Do not drink this one, though.
Your body will reject it Immediately.
Crack it open, pour a little on Your arm.
Let it get in your pores.
You feel a nice little buzz.
We've also got one coming out That combines doughnuts, ky Jelly, cigarettes and a horse Tranquilizer called the amy Winehouse.
You know what I say? Get the original one while you Still can, all right? chris hunter, everybody! [ cheers and applause .]
keep that away from guy Fieri.
two men in kentucky were Sentenced to probation in Connection with a case in which A third man said he was forced To eat his beard after an Argument.
Good old kentucky, where Arguments end with forced beard Eating.
[ laughter .]
this past weekend more than 40 teams competed in The two-day quidditch world cup Tournament from the harry potter Movies.
But then who, praytell, was Manning the registers at Gamestop? [ laughter .]
a new vending machine has Been developed in tokyo that Uses facial recognition Technology to decide what Customers would like and make Suggestions.
They tried it in the u.
S.
, but The machine kept repeating, "move it along, tubby.
" And now with a very special Thanksgiving message, our own Jay pharoah.
[ cheers and applause .]
what's knocking, seth? You know, I love thanksgiving, Right? But I also love hip-hop.
I can't believe there's not a Hip-hop song celebrating my Favorite holiday.
Why do white people get All the thanksgiving songs? oh, I don't think there are Any thanksgiving songs for white People.
yeah, there are.
What about "thank you for being A friend"? [ laughter .]
"the golden girls" theme? yeah.
Don't white people sing that at Thanksgiving? no.
well, they should.
[ laughter .]
But, seth, I think we need a Hip-hop thanksgiving song.
So I'm here asking Some of my favorite artists to Put one out.
okay, so like who? like jay-z.
A thanksgiving song from hova Would be hot, right? jay-z, absolutely.
yeah, man.
As a matter of fact, Hit that beat.
when it comes to thanksgiving Y'all know hova's the best You eat the thighs while I eat the breast I'm thankful for my rhymes The way I spit and talk I'm thankful for beyonce and her badonkadonk Thankful for my money And thankful for my crew Most of all I'm thankful I'm me and not you Hova Ha, ha, ha ha Yeah, it's your boy.
[ cheers and applause .]
I really like that song.
It's like my family's Thanksgiving, because it's Very aggressive.
[ laughter .]
you know what? If you write songs about family, You'll love the verse I wrote up For drake.
You know drake? you wrote a drake song about Thanksgiving? yeah, drake from young money.
I wrote it.
Yeah.
Drake's thanksgiving song would Be about his dysfunctional ass Family.
Like this.
Here it goes.
brothers at the table Cousins there too Drunk uncle walking Around trying to choke you Big people table Little people table Fat cousins on the couch watching cable Tattoo of my grandma Want you to view it Got to drink a lot of liquor Uh, yeah [ cheers and applause .]
that was great.
I had no idea how much mine and Drake's thanksgivings were Alike.
see? You know.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I knew it.
me and drake are a lot alike.
but you know who would Probably have the best Thanksgiving hip-hop song? who's that? I think the late great biggie Smalls would.
You know what I mean? He loved food.
he did.
y'all know I liked to eat Food.
so you've got a thanksgiving Song? yeah.
we'd love to hear it.
I think it would be like This.
this is not a dream Macaroni and cheese in front Of me Eating stuffing and candied Yams in the limousine Eating ham til I fall Mashed potatoes Gravy pumpkin pie ate it all biscuits for days Talking cake and the pie Have another piece of pie Uh ima die like a bear I want to hibernate til July Thanks for having me but I gotta say goodbye Uh uh uh uh you okay? You okay? That's the one, no doubt.
Jay pharoah, everybody! happy thanksgiving, y'all! happy thanksgiving! I'm seth meyers.
For "weekend update"! you're watching turner Classic movies.
hello.
I'm robert osborn.
Welcome back to "the Essentials," where we take a Behind-the-scenes look at America's greatest films.
Last week we showed you some Rare footage of bing crosby Screaming at a cleaning woman.
This week we have a real treat In store.
1939's "wizard of oz" is filled With unforgettable scenes and Characters.
But tonight we take a look at The moments that ended up on the Cutting room floor.
Let's watch those lost scenes Now.
we're off to see the wizard the wonderful wizard of oz I hear something.
hi.
How are you? well, would you look at that? what's going on? You know, it's weird because I Heard you guys going down the Road.
I was thinking, where are those Guys going? I thought I'd come check and Out.
you're a strange looking Bird.
What are those letters? I'm a weather vane, I work up In that barn over there.
So if the wind blows, I go in Different directions.
Where you guys going? why, we're off to see the Wizard.
I'm going to get a brain.
I'm going to get a heart.
I'm going to get some Courage.
So I can put 'em up, put 'em up, Put 'em up.
if you go with us, you could Ask the wizard for something, Too.
really? You know what I want? A new apartment.
You know, I've been in the same Place for, like, four years.
I've got two roommates.
It's, like, far from everything.
I can't buzz people in.
The buzzer doesn't work.
You've got to drop the keys out Of the window.
I can't live like that.
now we all know what we want a brain a heart the nerve my own apartment we're off to see the wizard the wonderful wizard of oz where you guys going? the original script featured Several scenes with the Character of the weather vane Played by new york actor lon Donson.
Let's look at another unseen Treasure.
there it is.
The emerald city.
Why, it's just beautiful, isn't It? isn't it something, dorothy? dorothy, how long until we Get there? we're just supposed to Follow the yellow brick road.
I was just telling the lion Just now, we were walking all Day.
There's nothing to eat.
I'm starving.
I'm getting dizzy.
And I pointed out eight places Where we could have stopped to Get something, you know what I Mean? oh.
We need to get there soon.
My auntie em must be so worried About me.
I'm talking.
So he goes, we'll eat when we Get to oz.
I don't know what's going to be Open.
I can't take my pills on an Empty stomach.
I just hope.
what are you doing? Are you going to sing a song? Dorothy? Dorothy? Did you write this song? you'll find me scarecrow, did you write This? somewhere over the rainbow do you guys know this song? I've never heard it in my life.
[ cheers and applause .]
if you listen closely at the End of that scene, you can hear The crew booing.
Despite his unpopularity, However, director victor fleming Shot over 400 feet of film Featuring the forgotten weather Vane.
and remember, tin man, a Heart is not measured by how Much you love, but by how much You are loved by others.
congratulations.
That's really nice of you.
wizard, I suppose there isn't Anything in that black bag for Me.
wait, you skipped me.
You can't do that.
I want to go home to kansas.
that's not going to happen.
You've got to stay here.
Stay with friends until you find An apartment.
This guy can help you.
He is the wizard of oz.
lon donson went on to be cut From several other hollywood Classics.
He had memorable deleted scenes In films like "casablanca.
" "the ten commandments.
" And "the sound of music.
" [ laughter .]
Where he played a neighbor who Asks the von trapps to please Keep it down.
For turner classic movies, I'm Roberts on Robert osborne.
you're waching you're watching wxtv news, New york.
morning, everyone.
Our top story today, shots were Fired, and residents of an Apartment building saw the Entire incident.
Our own veteran reporter, herb Welch, is on the scene.
And today he's celebrating his 60th year in broadcasting.
hello, john.
[ laughter .]
hello, herb.
And congratulations.
Now, why don't you tell us What's happening down there.
I'm here with maria desylvia.
desalvo.
what? maria desalvo.
I don't know.
Why don't you tell me what Happened.
[ laughter .]
I heard some shooting Outside.
And the kids were looking out The window.
I told them, "get down.
" do you have any fun plans for Your turkey day? [ laughter .]
what? are you going to cook a bird Or, I don't know, some yams or Something? we go to my mother's.
so there you have it.
Back to you, jack.
no, hold on.
Wait a minute, herb.
Why don't we ask her a little More about the robbery like what Time was it? what's that? what time was it? what time is it? it's 10:00 a.
M.
it's 10:00 a.
M.
, jack.
You ought to wear a watch.
When I was an anchor, I always Wore a watch.
herb, ask her what time she Heard the shots.
what time did you hear the Shots? [ laughter .]
I think around 8:30.
My kids -- my kids saw Everything.
Everything.
thank you.
Take it away, jack.
no, herb, it sounds like the Children may have seen the Shooting.
Why don't we talk to one of Them, herb.
you call me mr.
Welch.
[ laughter .]
all right.
All right, mr.
Welch.
Ask who saw the shooting.
all right, now, so who saw The shooting? my boy, ricky.
Ricky.
ricky.
Come here.
All right.
I got him now.
Now, what do you want me to do? ask him what he saw.
what did you see? [ laughter .]
I saw two guys come running Out of the store.
And they jumped into a little Red car.
who's your favorite baseball Player? what? What are you talk -- they didn't jump in a car.
They jumped in a van.
who are you? I'm his sister.
stupid, it was a car.
it was a van.
You don't remember.
yeah, I do.
ow.
Hey.
herb! Herb! Quit hitting him with the Micropho Microphone! This is ridiculous! Stop it! hey, I'm not going to take Reporter lessons from some Haircut.
well, maybe you should Because you're a lousy reporter.
hey, hey, excuse me, jack.
All due respect, I don't think You should yell at mr.
Welch so Much.
He's just a little confused, all Right? He was in a lot of different Departments before we found him In the hall.
Considering how old he is, he's Doing a good job.
this broadcast is brought to You by kale's brylcreem.
no, it's not.
you son of a bitch.
[ laughter .]
we apologize to you at home.
We'll follow up on that story Later.
Coming up, some local residents Are up in arms about asbestos Found in their building.
Some sad news.
We just received word that Veteran reporter herb welch died Five seconds ago.
[ laughter .]
you dirty bastard.
[ laughter .]
[ cheers and applause .]
clear your calendars, chug That coffee, and wake the kids Because this Friday is black Friday at megamart.
black Friday.
it's the biggest shopping day Of the year.
And we're giving you incredible Savings with -- megamart 12-minute madness.
this is the shortest, Craziest sale in retail history.
You have 12 minutes to bust in And grab all the deals you can Carry.
It's going to be a savings Stampede.
savings stampede.
specials like ipads for $39.
3d televisions for $71.
And a secret unpublished harry Potter novel, harry potter and The treasurers crawlspace, is Available for only 6 bucks.
And there's only 7 left.
So line up early because we're Starting at 4:00 a.
M.
crack of dawn! that's right, coked-up Rooster.
At 4:00 a.
M.
We'll fling our Doors open to anybody and Everybody.
Just as soon as we finish waxing And mopping the floors.
dive into savings.
all the best deals are Located in the very back of the Store down a narrow aisle packed With merchandise.
fire hazard.
to make room for more Customers, we've removed our Security guards.
People have already started Camping out in a tailgate Sponsored by four loko.
America's premier hillbilly Fuel.
If you show up too late, you Will be humiliated.
I'm going to do whatever it Takes.
I've got my things order.
I've made peace with my god and Those around me.
Whoo! What a day for shopping.
your shopping carts can only Be stopped by one thing, boxes.
Everyone on megamart's 12-minute Frenzy will get a free box Cutter at the door.
free box cutter.
[ laughter .]
we've hired deejay thunder Thrust.
One of the top death metal Deejays in the tri-state area.
He'll be playing music so Loud -- no one can hear you scream.
[ laughter .]
we're proud to have 93-year-old actor kirk douglas On hand to sign copies of His book, the rageman's son.
Kirk will be hidden somewhere in The store.
And the first three customers to Find him and touch him will win One free kindle.
catch him, touch him, win.
so strap on your combat boots And run to the black Friday 12-minute madness at megamart.
This is happening.
This is happening! only at megamart.
ok, people, we are working Through lunch today, and I'd Better start hearing some good Ideas.
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camel toe? Not now.
Camel toe got you down? you know.
you're not alone.
you, too? camel toe affects millions of Women every day.
It's the result of wearing Tight-fitting clothes like Leggings, tights and other Activewear.
Camel toe puts your private Parts on public display.
how do you handle it? with this.
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okay, people, listen up.
I'm sorry, but -- yes? you have my full attention.
thanks, camel tame.
Got camel toe? Get camel tame.
once again, florence and the Machine.
[ cheers and applause .]
sometimes I feel like Throwing my hands up In the air I know I can count on you sometimes I feel Like saying "lord, I just don't care" But you've got the love I need to see me through Sometimes it seems That the going is Just too rough and things go wrong No matter what I do Now and then it seems That life is just too much but you've got the love I need to see me through When food is gone You are my daily meal when friends are gone I know my saviour's Love is real You know it's real you got the love You got the love You got the love You got the love you got the love You got the love Time after time I think "oh lord, what's the use?" time after time I think it's just no good Sooner or later in life The things you love you lose But you got the love I need to see me through You got the love you got the love You got the love You got the love You got the love you got the love You got the love You got the love You got the love you got the love You got the love You got the love Yeaaaaaah Yeaaaaaah sometimes I feel Like throwing my hands Up in the air I know I can count on you sometimes I feel Like saying "lord, I just don't care" But you've got the love I need to see Me through [ cheers and applause .]
this fall, only one movie Has kids galloping to theaters.
Get ready for "horseplay.
" It's a heartwarming film about a Team of horses who wanted to Play baseball.
And before you see the movie, Buy the soundtrack.
Featuring an original song by Randy newman.
horses on the beach [ laughter .]
horses holding bets without a saddle it's just horseplay "horseplay.
" Strap on your saddle and step up To the plate.
With a soundtrack featuring an All-new song by the seminal '90s Band, the cranberries! with their bolts And their bats And their cleats And their gloves on the field On the field They are playing the field The field horsie Horsie Horsie-ay-ay-ay oh-oh Oats Oats Oats [ applause .]
"horseplay.
" And alanis morissette.
and I'm here To remind you Of the mess you left and that you said to me It's not fair To play baseball when you've got Horses And we haven't done "horseplay.
" Featuring the cure front man, Robert smith.
show me show me show me How you do that thing The one where you play baseball The one where you steal Second base and then eat All the grass [ laughter .]
but it gets better.
Performing his song, "horses lament," it's Adam lambert.
yeah [ laughter .]
and just when you thought cee Lo green wasn't on the Soundtrack, he totally is! I'm a baseball fan Horsie If you try to ride me I'm gonna buck you [ laughter .]
I'm makin' dollars For this soundtrack So get off of my back or im'a Buck you And I'll buck her too [ laughter .]
the "horseplay" soundtrack.
Get it today.
[ cheers and applause .]
thank you so much to Florence & the machine.
Thank you so the cast.
The crew and all the writers.
Thank you to my family and Everyone here, my friends.
Let's do it all again.
Thank you so much, everybody.
[ cheers and applause .]
" [ cheers and applause .]
I'm rachel maddow, and in a Cross-promotion with the new "harry potter" movie, my haircut Will look ke this forever.
Joining us today, new republican Speaker of the house, john Boehner.
thank you for pronouncing it Right.
You can imagine people have a Lot of fun with it.
speaker of the house nancy Pelosi.
hello, rachel.
Hello, boner.
and last but not least, a man Recently found guilty of 11 Ethics violations, charlie Rangel.
I am somewhat innocent.
john boehner, we start with You.
Your party claims it wants to Lower the deficit but don't Extending the bush tax cuts to The top earners add $700 billion To the deficit? rachel, on election night the American people spoke, and they Spoke loudly.
And the words they spoke were Stop the tax hikes and stop the Spending.
but surely you don't think You can close the deficit gap Solely with cuts in spending.
rachel, the american people Could not have been louder or Clearer.
True story, on election night I Was asleep and suddenly I heard Voices.
I went to my window and I opened It up.
It was the voices of the American people, and they were Saying loudly and in unison like A great big quartet, stop the Tax hikes and stop the spending.
so if your only measure to Lower the deficit is reducing Spending, what are some of the Programs that you would be Willing to cut? on this sadly the american People were not clear.
I yelled from my window, American people, what specific Programs should we cut? Their voices faded away into the Night.
The last thing I heard was, "stop the tax hikes!" Stop the spending! one last question, aren't you Glad I didn't mention the color Of your face? very funny.
we turn now to the current Speaker of the house, nancy Pelosi.
hello, rachel.
madam speaker, republicans Are saying that america spoke in The midterm elections, and Democrats need to completely Change the way they do things.
and it's such a good point, Rachel.
And I do intend to follow the Wonderful example of Republicans, who after the 2008 Election when the democrats took The presidency and both houses, Completely changed the way they Did things.
I think we all remember how Helpful they became.
So willing to reach across the Aisle.
Oh, wait, I had that backwards.
They turned into a pack of dogs Guarding a turned-over trash Can.
this week you held off a Challenge from within your own Party for your own leadership Position.
Does that bother you? nothing bothers me, rachel.
That's why I always have the Same expression.
[ laughter .]
But I want to assure my enemies That it will take more than one Election to take me down.
If you want to get rid of nancy Pelosi, you'd better be ready to Cut off my head and bury it Separately from my body.
nancy pelosi, a woman who Always looks like she's watching Someone not use a coaster.
[ laughter .]
Now the democrat who had the Toughest week, charlie rangel.
Welcome, congressman.
hello, young man.
[ laughter .]
what was your reaction to Thursday's censure? rachel, I did not deserve This treatment.
I am a 20-term congressman.
I'm a decorated war hero.
I was awarded both the bronze Star as well as the silver Pompadour.
Yet still I am attacked.
well, you're under attack for Your legal troubles.
I'd like to make a Distinction.
People keep saying I'm having Legal troubles.
These are ethics violations.
I did nothing criminal.
I just did things that were Unethical.
Did I kill someone? No.
Did I lie for the purposes of Getting money? Perhaps.
When I say perhaps, do I mean Yes? I do.
[ laughter .]
But I am not a criminal.
I am just a person that can and Should not be trusted.
charlie rangel, if you lived In the old west, he'd be the Bartender.
you got me.
[ laughter .]
final thoughts, john boehner? excuse me, rachel, it's the American people.
Stop taxes.
What else? Stop spending.
What spending? Hello? Hello, you're breaking up.
Hello.
I lost him.
nancy pelosi? I'm sorry, rachel, it seems My necklace has gone missing.
john boehner? don't look at me.
charlie rangel? [ laughter .]
Give that back.
no, thank you.
Rachel, in closing, I just want To say I'm proud to live in a Country where a man like charlie Rangel can be a congressman and A 12-year-old boy like yourself Can have his own tv show.
that's all the time we have.
And live from new york, it's Saturday night! [ cheers and applause .]
announcer: It's "Saturday Night live"! With fred armisen Abby elliott Bill hader Seth meyers Bobby moynihan Andy samberg Jason sudeikis Kenan thompson Kristen wiig Featuring vanessa bayer Paul brittain Taran killam Nasim pedrad Jay pharaoh Musical guest florence and the Machine and your host, anne Hathaway! Ladies and gentlemen, anne Hathaway! Captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- Captions by vitac -- [ cheers and applause .]
it's so great to be hosting "snl" again.
Ladies and gentlemen, it's the Thanksgiving show! [ cheers and applause .]
All right.
I'm so excited.
And because my new movie, "love And other drugs," opens Wednesday.
[ cheers and applause .]
Thank you.
Thank you.
This movie, it's a real Departure from the kinds of Movies that I'm known for in That it contains a substantial Amount of nudity.
And I have to say, the press has Been all over it.
I mean, well, here I am with my Co-star, jake gyllenhaal on the Cover of this week's "entertainment weekly.
" And we were also on the cover of "jet.
" [ laughter .]
And children's magazine "highlights.
" That was a fun shoot.
Okay.
Let me just get this out of the Way.
Yes, it's very nerve-racking to Do nude scenes.
But I believe that if it ensures The integrity of the story, an Actor should go for it.
hey, anne, sorry to Interrupt.
it's okay, andy.
I have a couple changes in The boardroom sketch.
We're putting you in a curlier Wig, and we're changing the name Of the company to techno tech.
okay, that's better.
Yeah.
and also, we're going to need You to be naked.
oh.
Um, is it important to the Scene? it is so important.
[ laughter .]
then I'll do it.
thank you.
[ laughter .]
okay.
Where was I? Right.
Serving the story.
hey, anne.
hey, bobby.
hey.
How are you? what's up? in the turkey family sketch, We need a few changes.
You're still going to have the Beak and the waddle, but other Than that, you're going to be Naked.
oh, like a turkey that's had All of her feathers plucked.
Oh, my gosh, that's hilarious.
so wait, you'll do it? yeah.
neat! Andy, it worked! everyone is so great here.
So anyway, it's a story -- hey, anne.
The funeral sketch -- get naked? great minds.
anyway, integrity is probably My favorite word.
anne, anne, oh, anne.
hi, kristen.
hi.
You don't have to be naked to be Taken seriously as an actor.
that's not why I do it, Kristen.
Like I said, it's about the Craft.
It's about art.
It's about trust.
And I really trust these guys.
[ laughter .]
yeah, you weren't ever going To get naked, were you? nah, I wasn't.
I just lied to make them happy.
and that's what thanksgiving Is all about.
[ laughter .]
it sure is.
We have a great show for you Tonight.
I'm so excited to be hosting Again.
Florence and the machine is Here.
[ cheers and applause .]
Stick around.
We'll be right back.
[ cheers and applause .]
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[ cheers and applause .]
hey, y'all.
It's "the miley cyrus show" with Me, miley cyrus.
I got guests and a show and I'm ready to go so I guess that's pretty Cool it's pretty cool [ cheers and applause .]
hello! It's miley, y'all.
This is my show where I talk to People that are pretty cool and Talk about things that are Pretty cool.
And yes, it's pretty cool.
The miley cyrus band over here, We've got my dad, billy ray Cyrus.
miley, it's an honor to share The stage with my baby girl.
thanks, dad.
Okay.
So I thought I'd do something New in my comedy monologue this Week.
So this is my little sister, Smiley.
And she's going to help me with My comedy monologue.
Hey, smiley, did you know that The average american woman Spends 20 hours doing holiday Shopping? 20 hours? That's like a full day.
That's crazy.
I know.
It's crazy, right? That was me doing the voice of Smiley, y'all.
She's not my sister.
She's actually a puppet.
oh, you had them fooled, Sweetie.
I talked to smiley for a half Hour backstage.
I thought she was just shy.
dad, knock it off.
Okay.
So as you've probably heard, I'm Sexy now.
So we're going to do a segment Now where we show pictures of me Being sexy.
Like here's one of me getting Steamy with a male model.
Here's one of me doing, like, a Sexy, flirty wink.
Here's one of me doing a sexy Pose with a snake like britney Spears.
And here's me as sharon stone in "basic instinct.
" [ laughter .]
That's pretty sexy, right? ooh.
My little girl's growing up.
my guest tonight is a very Sexy lady.
Just like me.
So please give a big shout-out To katie holmes.
[ cheers and applause .]
So, katie holmes, you used to be On a show called "dawson's Creek" back in the 1900s.
[ laughter .]
So that must have been pretty Cool.
oh, it was -- my character, Joey, was such a joy to play.
On the surface she just seemed Like another cute, popular girl.
But to me, she was this Incredibly complicated and Intelligent woman.
yeah.
Like me.
So there is something I've Always wanted to ask you.
Like how did you transition into Doing more adult roles? And what's the sexiest role You've ever done? And like how many boys have you Kissed on screen? And like who's your best friend? And like who's tom cruise's best Friend? And why does your baby wear high Heels? And what does jesus think of Scientology? wow! That is such an interesting Array of complex questions.
ooh! Great job, baby.
You're like a pretty little Regis.
dad.
you're my role model.
so katie holmes, you played Batman's girlfriend in the first Ever batman movie in 2005.
Which is pretty cool.
Because I just auditioned to Play his girlfriend in the next Batman movie.
So, like, do you want to see my Screen test? sure, okay.
okay, let's roll that clip! we need to get out of here.
This whole place is going to Blow.
oh, my god.
This is so scary and Suspenseful.
And I'm in all this danger right Now.
And you're batman so you're kind Of like a bat and a hot guy.
You're really sexy and it's Really scary and it's really Suspenseful, and I might die.
[ cheers and applause .]
so what do you think? yeah.
There's a lot of -- interesting Complexity there.
and the oscar goes to my baby Girl! I mean, you melt my heart, my Achy breaky heart.
well, that's our show.
My thanks to katie holmes.
thank you.
The pleasure was -- okay.
Thanks for watching, y'all.
Come on, dad.
Let's do our song.
yeah.
I got guests and a show and we're ready to go so I guess that's pretty Cool it's pretty cool [ cheers and applause .]
hi, everyone.
I just want to thank you so much For volunteering at st.
Angel's Thanksgiving soup kitchen.
These dinners are so fun.
Last year we ate and laughed and Partied.
And we didn't get out of here Until, like, 8:30.
I'm talking p.
M.
I'm lisa, and it's my first Time doing this.
I'm excited.
and I'm lou.
And seeing all of these Wonderful faces here today, it Really warms my heart.
it warms my heart, too.
Mine's burning a lot, though.
It's like a little fire in my Bra.
Can't say the pledge of Allegiance or I'll burn my hand.
as I was saying, thanksgiving Is a special time for me.
An interesting fact, thanks to Ancestry.
Com, I just found out That I had relatives come over On the mayflower.
my relatives came over on the April flower.
They got here one month before Yours did.
all right.
Good to know.
Ooh.
I can see that people are Starting to arrive.
I'm going to open the doors.
And everybody, let's get our Aprons on.
come on in.
Come on in.
Happy thanksgiving.
Happy turkey day.
happy thanksgiving.
Happy fourth of July.
I hope you get to see a lot of Fireworks because you live Outside.
I think I got this covered.
Why don't you go over there and Help with the corn.
mashed potatoes? yes, please.
They're my favorite.
then maybe I can sneak you a Little extra.
I'll sneak you a little Extra, too.
wow, I am thankful for you, Lady.
penelope, with a are you Doing? You can't give that much corn to One person.
Here.
well, don't be so hard on Her.
She means well.
fine.
Just don't bring out any more Big silverware, okay? Pastor mike, it's so good to see You.
happy thanksgiving, everyone.
Wow, look at all these turkeys.
And there's food here, too.
oh, pastor mike, You tell the best jokes.
I tell good jokes, too.
I tell better ones.
Did you hear about the peanut That went into central park, and It was assaulted.
That's my time.
You've been a great crowd.
pastor mike, I saved you a Drumstick.
don't mind if I do.
Come by to my family.
The whole family's here, all Three of us.
my family's here, too.
It's bigger than yours.
They're right over there.
excuse me, mary.
Some of people are wondering if We can turn up the volume on the Game.
oh, of course.
That's no problem at all.
I'd be happy to do that.
I'm already doing it, so I'm Going to turn it up a little Louder than you would have.
if pastor mike wasn't here, I'd kick that girl in the Giblets.
oh, she's just trying to be Helpful.
oh, that's the longest drive I've ever seen.
What's he doing? No one's in the end zone.
who is that? me.
I caught it.
Thank you.
what is happening? does anyone want this Football? I can't play anymore.
I just tested positive for Steroids.
[ laughter .]
she is ruining this entire Day.
She's acting like she's the Queen of thanksgiving.
I am the queen of Thanksgiving.
[ laughter .]
I now dub the sir waddle of Gobble, so congratulations.
[ laughter .]
really? Penelope, really? You're the queen of Thanksgiving? I'm the president of wednesdays.
And you know what else? I drive a tanning bed to work.
And if I clap three times, a Wiener dog appears.
And my dad is a chocolate chip.
And you know what else? If I want to relax, I turn Myself into a pot of soup, so [ laughter .]
well, I guess all I can say Is that my tanning bed drives me To work so I can read the paper And have my coffee.
[ laughter .]
And if I clap twice, all the Dogs in the world get an extra Wiener.
[ laughter .]
My dad is a chocolate chip Cookie, so your dad is baked Inside him.
[ laughter .]
And when I want to relax, I just Shrink into a pot Of soup, and float around and Use the celery stick as a raft And the noodles as a slide.
[ laughter .]
oh! Why am I wasting my time? try to have some food and Relax.
mary, I think we have a Situation over here.
happy thanksgiving.
[ cheers and applause .]
I'm thankful for a little More than you.
Happy turkey day.
hello, grandmama.
Hello grandpapa.
hello.
hello, my dear boy.
of course, you remember my Girlfriend, katherine.
it's a pleasure to see you Again, your majesties.
yes, yes.
I want you to be the first to Know that we are to be wed.
katherine, we welcome to your Family with open arms and open Hearts.
thank you.
I love your grandson very much.
And I'm honored to join the Windsor family, your majesty.
I beg your pardon, prince William, telephone call for you.
well, I'm only be a moment.
Do chat until I return.
your majesties, william and I Have been walking on air.
It's all so brilliant and Exciting.
shut up.
what? I said shut your mouth.
what do you want? I'm sorry, your majesty, what Do I want? we know what you want.
You see our setup here.
You like it.
Yeah, little girl.
fruits on platters, guys in White gloves serving us tea.
you think you can show up, Take over.
Do a big of queening and that, Right? uh, I beg your pardon, your Majesty, but why are you two Talking like that? this is how we really talk, Love.
Not so nice, right? But it gets the job done, don't It? your majesty, I promise I Don't want that.
I want william.
well, if you're going to be Part of the family, you've got To know the rules.
oh, your majesty, your Secretary briefed me on all Royal etiquette.
I'm not talking about salad Forks, love.
This ain't "the princess Diaries.
" that's right.
Because that movie's crap.
I think it has its moments.
What rule are you talking about, Your majesty? first off, when it comes to a Palace, don't start out with Questions.
Never forget that we are in Charge here, yeah? You see that rope over there.
Pull the rope.
yes, your majesty.
piss off.
yes, your majesty.
majesty, why did you call Them in just to tell them to Piss off? because we do whatever we Want.
that was the first time I had Ever met sir winston churchill.
so sorry, grandmama.
Seems as though there was Trouble with prince harry.
He was overserved and ended up Crashing his car.
how dreadful.
William, we're just getting to Another dear katherine.
kate, grandmama has never Taken to anyone like this.
What joy.
I'll be back.
nice little bloke, isn't he? Used to be better looking, but Still.
your majesty -- now, drop the "your majesty" Crap.
Call me debra.
all right.
Debra.
a clever girl.
That's good.
when you're out there waving To a parade, you'll be princess Di, you'll be princess grace, But when you're in the bedroom, Think fergie.
that's horrible.
we're horrible people, aren't We? I've got to get away from You.
no, you can't get Away from here, I'm on the Money.
the money.
william! oh, that is why we ride in a Carriage.
sorry grandmama, but kate and I have to give a press Conference now.
Let's go my love.
wonderful getting to know you My dear.
yes, please call again soon.
good-bye, your maj -- Good-bye, debra.
I'll bet I could kick your Ass.
[ cheers and applause .]
ladies and gentlemen, Florence and the machine.
[ cheers and applause .]
happiness hit her Like a train on a track Coming towards her Stuck still no turning back she hid around corners And she hid under beds She killed it with kisses And from it she fled with every bubble She sank with her drink And washed it away Down the kitchen sink the dog days are over The dog days are done The horses are coming So you better run run fast for your mother Run fast for your father Run for your children For your sisters and brothers Leave all your loving Your loving behind You can't carry it with you if you want to survive The dog days are over The dog days are done Can you hear the horses? 'cause here they come And I never wanted Anything from you Except everything you had and what was left After that too, oh Happiness hit her Like a bullet in the head struck from a great height By someone Who should know better Than that the dog days are over The dog days are done Can you hear the horses? 'cause here they come run fast for your mother Run fast for your father Run for your children For your sisters and brothers Leave all your loving Your loving behind You can't carry it with you if you want to survive The dog days are over The dog days are done Can you hear the horses? 'cause here they come Here they come Here they come Here they come here they come [ cheers and applause .]
announcer: "weekend update With seth meyers.
" [ cheers and applause .]
good evening.
I'm seth meyers, and here are Tonight's top stories.
this year marks the first Thanksgiving in which travelers Will get molested before they Get to their uncle's house.
[ laughter .]
Has anyone handled your bags? Yes, you right now.
You know, if I wanted somebody Half-heartedly patting my groin Without eye contact, I'd get Married.
[ laughter .]
The tsa did say Tuesday that Children going through airport Security will no longer be Subject to the aggressive Pat-downs that have angered many Adult passengers.
Said terrorists, loophole! [ laughter .]
the british royal family Announced Tuesday that prince William is engaged to his Longtime girlfriend, Kate middleton.
"well, there goes my chance," Said a lady in ohio to her cat.
[ laughter .]
the house ethics panel on Tuesday found representative Charles rangel guilty on 11 counts of breaking house Rules, and one count of Impersonating the lorax.
[ laughter .]
Inchsz thanksgiving is next week.
Here with some cooking tips is The food network's guy cietti.
yeah! Whoo! Seth meyers! Setting fires.
[ laughter .]
I don't set fires.
it's on like donkey kong.
[ laughter .]
okay.
Look, why don't we just get Started.
good call, meatball.
All right.
Let's get down to business.
Are you tired of the boring old T-day grubbing? Well, buckle up, put your Sunglasses on wrong and let me Help you make it full throttle.
[ laughter .]
Numero one.
Stuffing, fieri style.
Super simple to make.
Four cups pancake chunks, one Candy apple whip stick and a Quarter cup of raisins and 32 tablespoons of tequila Infused garlic butter.
[ laughter .]
sounds kind of heavy.
don't knock it til you fry It, seth.
I'm roughing up your stuffing.
Ha ha! Mmm! I could eat this off a Flip-flop.
[ laughter .]
Full throttle! Chow down, seth hound.
no, I'm good.
So, what's next? number dos.
Cranberry sauce.
An old favorite.
But let's take it even further Off the hook.
Just spork it out of the can Into a fifth of rumple minze and Garnish with raisins.
can you even taste the Cranberry? trust me, you'll go lansbury For this cranberry, because it's Dinner, she wrote.
I'd eat this off a moving truck Tire.
[ laughter .]
no, thanks.
That sounds like it's, like, 80% Alcohol.
[ laughter .]
How many of those have you had Tonight? 37! all right.
[ laughter .]
So what about the main course? numbrero three.
The turk.
Now, I, for one, go berserky for Turkey.
But, gobble gobble.
Let's make it full throbble.
did you say full throbble? I think I may have.
If you thought that was crazy, Then you will flip your bean When you hear this.
A chicken inside of a duck Inside of a turkey inside of a Rabbit inside of a pig inside of A baby cow inside of a big cow Inside of a horse all stuffed Into a cornish game hen.
[ laughter .]
It's called the Turducken-rab-pig-cow-cow-horse' Game hen.
that one sounds oddly Appealing.
yep, and then fry the whole Thing in jagermeister.
And serve with raisins.
why does everything have to Have alcohol in it? I'd eat this off a dirty Plate.
Full throttle! guy fieri, everyone! [ laughter .]
love, peace, and pizzle Grease.
[ cheers and applause .]
george w.
Bush on Tuesday Broke ground on his presidential Library in dallas.
Bush said it has long been his Dream to give local teenagers Something to drink behind.
this week the new oxford American dictionary named sarah Palin's refudiate which brings Us to a segment called "come on, Dictionary.
" "come on, dictionary.
" Shouldn't the word of the year Be better than sarah palin's Accidental mash-up of refute and Repudiate? We know it was an accident Because palin herself changed it To say refute.
She then defended herself Writing shakespeare liked to Coin new words, too.
Got to celebrate it.
There are a couple of Differences between shakespeare And sarah palin.
For one, when shakespeare coined New words, it wasn't by Accident.
He came up with words like Submerge and sneak.
He didn't just take two words That kind of mean the same thing And then smash them together to Make a third word that also kind Of means the same thing.
If you're going to make a word From two words, have it mean a New thing.
For example, gynosaur, a Gynecologi Gynecologist's dinosaur.
When you play fast and loose With a spoon.
And lumberjerk, the cashier that Overcharged you at home depot.
Shakespeare crafted new words.
Sarah palin got into a word Fender bender.
When shakespeare did come up With new words, he certainly Didn't say "got to celebrate It.
" In fact, I bet he never said That.
Shakespeare, what are you doing At the club? Just finished "12th night.
Got to celebrate it.
" We already have repudiate.
You can't change the "p" to an "f" and say you made a new word.
I'll use it in a sentence.
New oxford american dictionary, Please stop racing the english Language.
come on, dictionary.
apple announced Tuesday that The entire beatles catalog will Finally be available for Download on itunes.
I guess that's why my dad keeps Asking me to drive him to the Itunes store.
[ laughter .]
a group of 300 women in the Ukraine have become a fixture on The country's political scene With their practice of Protesting while topless.
Said ukrainian officials, "hey, No, stop.
" [ laughter .]
a coffee shop in Brooklyn, new york, has been Serving 20-ounce cups of Espresso, which is the Equivalent of ten shots.
All they ask is that you leave The coffee shop through the Door.
[ laughter .]
in a related story, demand For the caffeinated alcohol Drink four loko surged this week In new york.
After it was announced that the Beverage will no longer be Available here, here to comment Is one of four loko's creators, Chris hunter.
thanks for having me, seth.
Let's do it.
how do you feel about four Loko being banned in new york State? it's a shame.
It's a shame.
People love it.
They want to buy it, but the Government is getting in the Way.
well, to be fair, college Students have been hospitalized After using your product.
after misusing the product, Seth.
After misusing it, okay? These college kids are drinking The entire can.
What are they thinking? It's called servings, kids.
You've got to look on the side Of the can.
how many servings are in a Can? 120.
all right.
I'm sorry, why even serve it in A can at all if I don't know, it's easier to Carry around.
People are used to it.
Plus you've got cupholders in Your car made to hold it.
yeah, but you shouldn't be Drinking and driving.
yeah.
Yeah.
seth, we're a simple company.
Five years ago me and my ohio State bros figure, we love Getting drunk, but we can only Get so drunk because we kept Passing out.
We tried drinking jack and coke.
But I don't like jack and my Coke dealer got busted.
We came up with four loko.
I don't think it's that crazy of A product.
It's not crazy.
you do have crazy in the Name, four loko.
how so? you do know that loko means Crazy? I did not know that.
here's the thing.
There's nothing crazy about it.
We took two legal products that Americans love and combined Them.
Caffeine and a buttload of Alcohol.
I said to heck with this new Law.
We're going to keep doing what We do.
A brand-new drink combines boxed Wine, milk, buffalo sauce and Fiberglass.
All right? It's all legal stuff.
Here it is.
It's called the organ blaster.
Do not drink this one, though.
Your body will reject it Immediately.
Crack it open, pour a little on Your arm.
Let it get in your pores.
You feel a nice little buzz.
We've also got one coming out That combines doughnuts, ky Jelly, cigarettes and a horse Tranquilizer called the amy Winehouse.
You know what I say? Get the original one while you Still can, all right? chris hunter, everybody! [ cheers and applause .]
keep that away from guy Fieri.
two men in kentucky were Sentenced to probation in Connection with a case in which A third man said he was forced To eat his beard after an Argument.
Good old kentucky, where Arguments end with forced beard Eating.
[ laughter .]
this past weekend more than 40 teams competed in The two-day quidditch world cup Tournament from the harry potter Movies.
But then who, praytell, was Manning the registers at Gamestop? [ laughter .]
a new vending machine has Been developed in tokyo that Uses facial recognition Technology to decide what Customers would like and make Suggestions.
They tried it in the u.
S.
, but The machine kept repeating, "move it along, tubby.
" And now with a very special Thanksgiving message, our own Jay pharoah.
[ cheers and applause .]
what's knocking, seth? You know, I love thanksgiving, Right? But I also love hip-hop.
I can't believe there's not a Hip-hop song celebrating my Favorite holiday.
Why do white people get All the thanksgiving songs? oh, I don't think there are Any thanksgiving songs for white People.
yeah, there are.
What about "thank you for being A friend"? [ laughter .]
"the golden girls" theme? yeah.
Don't white people sing that at Thanksgiving? no.
well, they should.
[ laughter .]
But, seth, I think we need a Hip-hop thanksgiving song.
So I'm here asking Some of my favorite artists to Put one out.
okay, so like who? like jay-z.
A thanksgiving song from hova Would be hot, right? jay-z, absolutely.
yeah, man.
As a matter of fact, Hit that beat.
when it comes to thanksgiving Y'all know hova's the best You eat the thighs while I eat the breast I'm thankful for my rhymes The way I spit and talk I'm thankful for beyonce and her badonkadonk Thankful for my money And thankful for my crew Most of all I'm thankful I'm me and not you Hova Ha, ha, ha ha Yeah, it's your boy.
[ cheers and applause .]
I really like that song.
It's like my family's Thanksgiving, because it's Very aggressive.
[ laughter .]
you know what? If you write songs about family, You'll love the verse I wrote up For drake.
You know drake? you wrote a drake song about Thanksgiving? yeah, drake from young money.
I wrote it.
Yeah.
Drake's thanksgiving song would Be about his dysfunctional ass Family.
Like this.
Here it goes.
brothers at the table Cousins there too Drunk uncle walking Around trying to choke you Big people table Little people table Fat cousins on the couch watching cable Tattoo of my grandma Want you to view it Got to drink a lot of liquor Uh, yeah [ cheers and applause .]
that was great.
I had no idea how much mine and Drake's thanksgivings were Alike.
see? You know.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I knew it.
me and drake are a lot alike.
but you know who would Probably have the best Thanksgiving hip-hop song? who's that? I think the late great biggie Smalls would.
You know what I mean? He loved food.
he did.
y'all know I liked to eat Food.
so you've got a thanksgiving Song? yeah.
we'd love to hear it.
I think it would be like This.
this is not a dream Macaroni and cheese in front Of me Eating stuffing and candied Yams in the limousine Eating ham til I fall Mashed potatoes Gravy pumpkin pie ate it all biscuits for days Talking cake and the pie Have another piece of pie Uh ima die like a bear I want to hibernate til July Thanks for having me but I gotta say goodbye Uh uh uh uh you okay? You okay? That's the one, no doubt.
Jay pharoah, everybody! happy thanksgiving, y'all! happy thanksgiving! I'm seth meyers.
For "weekend update"! you're watching turner Classic movies.
hello.
I'm robert osborn.
Welcome back to "the Essentials," where we take a Behind-the-scenes look at America's greatest films.
Last week we showed you some Rare footage of bing crosby Screaming at a cleaning woman.
This week we have a real treat In store.
1939's "wizard of oz" is filled With unforgettable scenes and Characters.
But tonight we take a look at The moments that ended up on the Cutting room floor.
Let's watch those lost scenes Now.
we're off to see the wizard the wonderful wizard of oz I hear something.
hi.
How are you? well, would you look at that? what's going on? You know, it's weird because I Heard you guys going down the Road.
I was thinking, where are those Guys going? I thought I'd come check and Out.
you're a strange looking Bird.
What are those letters? I'm a weather vane, I work up In that barn over there.
So if the wind blows, I go in Different directions.
Where you guys going? why, we're off to see the Wizard.
I'm going to get a brain.
I'm going to get a heart.
I'm going to get some Courage.
So I can put 'em up, put 'em up, Put 'em up.
if you go with us, you could Ask the wizard for something, Too.
really? You know what I want? A new apartment.
You know, I've been in the same Place for, like, four years.
I've got two roommates.
It's, like, far from everything.
I can't buzz people in.
The buzzer doesn't work.
You've got to drop the keys out Of the window.
I can't live like that.
now we all know what we want a brain a heart the nerve my own apartment we're off to see the wizard the wonderful wizard of oz where you guys going? the original script featured Several scenes with the Character of the weather vane Played by new york actor lon Donson.
Let's look at another unseen Treasure.
there it is.
The emerald city.
Why, it's just beautiful, isn't It? isn't it something, dorothy? dorothy, how long until we Get there? we're just supposed to Follow the yellow brick road.
I was just telling the lion Just now, we were walking all Day.
There's nothing to eat.
I'm starving.
I'm getting dizzy.
And I pointed out eight places Where we could have stopped to Get something, you know what I Mean? oh.
We need to get there soon.
My auntie em must be so worried About me.
I'm talking.
So he goes, we'll eat when we Get to oz.
I don't know what's going to be Open.
I can't take my pills on an Empty stomach.
I just hope.
what are you doing? Are you going to sing a song? Dorothy? Dorothy? Did you write this song? you'll find me scarecrow, did you write This? somewhere over the rainbow do you guys know this song? I've never heard it in my life.
[ cheers and applause .]
if you listen closely at the End of that scene, you can hear The crew booing.
Despite his unpopularity, However, director victor fleming Shot over 400 feet of film Featuring the forgotten weather Vane.
and remember, tin man, a Heart is not measured by how Much you love, but by how much You are loved by others.
congratulations.
That's really nice of you.
wizard, I suppose there isn't Anything in that black bag for Me.
wait, you skipped me.
You can't do that.
I want to go home to kansas.
that's not going to happen.
You've got to stay here.
Stay with friends until you find An apartment.
This guy can help you.
He is the wizard of oz.
lon donson went on to be cut From several other hollywood Classics.
He had memorable deleted scenes In films like "casablanca.
" "the ten commandments.
" And "the sound of music.
" [ laughter .]
Where he played a neighbor who Asks the von trapps to please Keep it down.
For turner classic movies, I'm Roberts on Robert osborne.
you're waching you're watching wxtv news, New york.
morning, everyone.
Our top story today, shots were Fired, and residents of an Apartment building saw the Entire incident.
Our own veteran reporter, herb Welch, is on the scene.
And today he's celebrating his 60th year in broadcasting.
hello, john.
[ laughter .]
hello, herb.
And congratulations.
Now, why don't you tell us What's happening down there.
I'm here with maria desylvia.
desalvo.
what? maria desalvo.
I don't know.
Why don't you tell me what Happened.
[ laughter .]
I heard some shooting Outside.
And the kids were looking out The window.
I told them, "get down.
" do you have any fun plans for Your turkey day? [ laughter .]
what? are you going to cook a bird Or, I don't know, some yams or Something? we go to my mother's.
so there you have it.
Back to you, jack.
no, hold on.
Wait a minute, herb.
Why don't we ask her a little More about the robbery like what Time was it? what's that? what time was it? what time is it? it's 10:00 a.
M.
it's 10:00 a.
M.
, jack.
You ought to wear a watch.
When I was an anchor, I always Wore a watch.
herb, ask her what time she Heard the shots.
what time did you hear the Shots? [ laughter .]
I think around 8:30.
My kids -- my kids saw Everything.
Everything.
thank you.
Take it away, jack.
no, herb, it sounds like the Children may have seen the Shooting.
Why don't we talk to one of Them, herb.
you call me mr.
Welch.
[ laughter .]
all right.
All right, mr.
Welch.
Ask who saw the shooting.
all right, now, so who saw The shooting? my boy, ricky.
Ricky.
ricky.
Come here.
All right.
I got him now.
Now, what do you want me to do? ask him what he saw.
what did you see? [ laughter .]
I saw two guys come running Out of the store.
And they jumped into a little Red car.
who's your favorite baseball Player? what? What are you talk -- they didn't jump in a car.
They jumped in a van.
who are you? I'm his sister.
stupid, it was a car.
it was a van.
You don't remember.
yeah, I do.
ow.
Hey.
herb! Herb! Quit hitting him with the Micropho Microphone! This is ridiculous! Stop it! hey, I'm not going to take Reporter lessons from some Haircut.
well, maybe you should Because you're a lousy reporter.
hey, hey, excuse me, jack.
All due respect, I don't think You should yell at mr.
Welch so Much.
He's just a little confused, all Right? He was in a lot of different Departments before we found him In the hall.
Considering how old he is, he's Doing a good job.
this broadcast is brought to You by kale's brylcreem.
no, it's not.
you son of a bitch.
[ laughter .]
we apologize to you at home.
We'll follow up on that story Later.
Coming up, some local residents Are up in arms about asbestos Found in their building.
Some sad news.
We just received word that Veteran reporter herb welch died Five seconds ago.
[ laughter .]
you dirty bastard.
[ laughter .]
[ cheers and applause .]
clear your calendars, chug That coffee, and wake the kids Because this Friday is black Friday at megamart.
black Friday.
it's the biggest shopping day Of the year.
And we're giving you incredible Savings with -- megamart 12-minute madness.
this is the shortest, Craziest sale in retail history.
You have 12 minutes to bust in And grab all the deals you can Carry.
It's going to be a savings Stampede.
savings stampede.
specials like ipads for $39.
3d televisions for $71.
And a secret unpublished harry Potter novel, harry potter and The treasurers crawlspace, is Available for only 6 bucks.
And there's only 7 left.
So line up early because we're Starting at 4:00 a.
M.
crack of dawn! that's right, coked-up Rooster.
At 4:00 a.
M.
We'll fling our Doors open to anybody and Everybody.
Just as soon as we finish waxing And mopping the floors.
dive into savings.
all the best deals are Located in the very back of the Store down a narrow aisle packed With merchandise.
fire hazard.
to make room for more Customers, we've removed our Security guards.
People have already started Camping out in a tailgate Sponsored by four loko.
America's premier hillbilly Fuel.
If you show up too late, you Will be humiliated.
I'm going to do whatever it Takes.
I've got my things order.
I've made peace with my god and Those around me.
Whoo! What a day for shopping.
your shopping carts can only Be stopped by one thing, boxes.
Everyone on megamart's 12-minute Frenzy will get a free box Cutter at the door.
free box cutter.
[ laughter .]
we've hired deejay thunder Thrust.
One of the top death metal Deejays in the tri-state area.
He'll be playing music so Loud -- no one can hear you scream.
[ laughter .]
we're proud to have 93-year-old actor kirk douglas On hand to sign copies of His book, the rageman's son.
Kirk will be hidden somewhere in The store.
And the first three customers to Find him and touch him will win One free kindle.
catch him, touch him, win.
so strap on your combat boots And run to the black Friday 12-minute madness at megamart.
This is happening.
This is happening! only at megamart.
ok, people, we are working Through lunch today, and I'd Better start hearing some good Ideas.
I'm sorry, I ordered chicken Fingers, not camel toe.
camel toe? Not now.
Camel toe got you down? you know.
you're not alone.
you, too? camel toe affects millions of Women every day.
It's the result of wearing Tight-fitting clothes like Leggings, tights and other Activewear.
Camel toe puts your private Parts on public display.
how do you handle it? with this.
camel tame? tamil tame with its sure-fit Strip creates a protective layer Between your clothes and your Business but ensures you'll Never have to face the Embarrassment of camel toe Again.
It's comfortable, easy to use And 100% effective.
You'll get noticed for all the Right reasons.
okay, people, listen up.
I'm sorry, but -- yes? you have my full attention.
thanks, camel tame.
Got camel toe? Get camel tame.
once again, florence and the Machine.
[ cheers and applause .]
sometimes I feel like Throwing my hands up In the air I know I can count on you sometimes I feel Like saying "lord, I just don't care" But you've got the love I need to see me through Sometimes it seems That the going is Just too rough and things go wrong No matter what I do Now and then it seems That life is just too much but you've got the love I need to see me through When food is gone You are my daily meal when friends are gone I know my saviour's Love is real You know it's real you got the love You got the love You got the love You got the love you got the love You got the love Time after time I think "oh lord, what's the use?" time after time I think it's just no good Sooner or later in life The things you love you lose But you got the love I need to see me through You got the love you got the love You got the love You got the love You got the love you got the love You got the love You got the love You got the love you got the love You got the love You got the love Yeaaaaaah Yeaaaaaah sometimes I feel Like throwing my hands Up in the air I know I can count on you sometimes I feel Like saying "lord, I just don't care" But you've got the love I need to see Me through [ cheers and applause .]
this fall, only one movie Has kids galloping to theaters.
Get ready for "horseplay.
" It's a heartwarming film about a Team of horses who wanted to Play baseball.
And before you see the movie, Buy the soundtrack.
Featuring an original song by Randy newman.
horses on the beach [ laughter .]
horses holding bets without a saddle it's just horseplay "horseplay.
" Strap on your saddle and step up To the plate.
With a soundtrack featuring an All-new song by the seminal '90s Band, the cranberries! with their bolts And their bats And their cleats And their gloves on the field On the field They are playing the field The field horsie Horsie Horsie-ay-ay-ay oh-oh Oats Oats Oats [ applause .]
"horseplay.
" And alanis morissette.
and I'm here To remind you Of the mess you left and that you said to me It's not fair To play baseball when you've got Horses And we haven't done "horseplay.
" Featuring the cure front man, Robert smith.
show me show me show me How you do that thing The one where you play baseball The one where you steal Second base and then eat All the grass [ laughter .]
but it gets better.
Performing his song, "horses lament," it's Adam lambert.
yeah [ laughter .]
and just when you thought cee Lo green wasn't on the Soundtrack, he totally is! I'm a baseball fan Horsie If you try to ride me I'm gonna buck you [ laughter .]
I'm makin' dollars For this soundtrack So get off of my back or im'a Buck you And I'll buck her too [ laughter .]
the "horseplay" soundtrack.
Get it today.
[ cheers and applause .]
thank you so much to Florence & the machine.
Thank you so the cast.
The crew and all the writers.
Thank you to my family and Everyone here, my friends.
Let's do it all again.
Thank you so much, everybody.
[ cheers and applause .]