Saturday Night Live (1975) s36e22 Episode Script
Timberlake and Gaga
probably bt not the high end Accommodations you're used to Mr.
Strauss-kahn, but make Yourself at home.
did you hear what I heard? well, we best introduce Ourselves.
Hey, we heard all about you on The news.
mr.
Dominique strauss-kahn, Former head of the imf.
guess what, mr.
Strauss-kahn, I have a question for you.
What's the imf going to do with The debt crisis in greece? I'll tell you what I'd do.
I'd let them default and let Greece out of the euro zone.
come on, give greece a chance To settle their debt.
with what? Greeks don't pay their taxes.
Where's the revenue going to Come from? They selling a trillion dollars Worth of feta? don't beat on the greeks.
you know what the biggest Greek export is? hard-working greeks.
True, true.
strauss-kahn likes that.
yeah, you want to feel bad For somebody? Feel bad for the irish.
I hear that.
You got to feel for ireland.
the irish been eating dirt And potatoes for 400 years.
You can't blame them for Thinking it was their time for Some happiness.
the good news is the irish Know how to handle hard times.
They're like the germans.
what? You can't say that.
The germans are the only ones That know the score right now.
what about sweden? I meant countries in the euro Zone.
when it comes to the euro Sweden thanks od every day they Were left out of it.
You got that, strauss-kahn? You know what we're talking About? He likes that one.
He's smiling a little bit.
He's in jail, but he's smiling.
all I'm saying is the germans Are proving the only way out of The debt crisis is measures.
You get in a jam, you got to cut Back.
you can't expect the rest of Euuope to act like germany.
Germans are good at being as Tire.
That's their habit.
Sausage and carton of milk.
You can't expect someone in Spain to be happy with that.
I guess germany has to pay For Spain's sangria? they do if they don't want it To rubble.
would you have them bail out Portugal.
bitch, you know I have no Love for port balanugal.
It's the dingleberry hanging off Spain's nut sack.
when it was greece it was a Different story.
they created democracy.
the creation of democracy is In the past, yo.
Greece wanting respect for Democracy is like them Wanting -- dsk knows what's I'm talking About.
it's good talking to you Mr.
Strauss-kahn.
yeah, it truly has.
So we going to rape you now.
yeah.
and live from new york it's Saturday night! announcer: It's "Saturday Night live"! With fred armisen Abby elliott Bill hader Seth meyers Bobby moynihan Andy samberg Jason sudeikis Kenan thompson Kristen wigg Featuring vanessa bayer Paul brittain Taran killam Nasim pedrad Jay pharaoh Musical guest -- Lady gaga And your host -- Justin timberlake.
Ladies and gentlemen, Justin timberlake! thank youu Thank you.
Thank you, mom.
I'm glad you're here tonight, Mom.
here we are.
I'm so happy to be here hosting The season finale of "Saturday Night live.
" now, in the past when I've Hosted this show I've also been The musical guest, but tonight Tonight, lady gaga is here.
Oh, yeah, I know.
I've told lorne this is great.
I mean, now there's no pressure On me to sing, because it's Gaga's moment.
And then he said "well, you'll Do one song, right?" And I said "I ddn't think so.
" And he said "justin.
" And I said "please.
" And he said "justin.
" And I said "lorne.
" And he said "j -- " and I said "no.
" And finally, I realized I had to Explain it in a way he'd Understand.
lady gaga is here, so stick Around.
We got a great show.
We'll be right back.
need a rest from your Shopping? Stop by the grand opening of -- Steepers tea salon right there.
Got the most wonderful and Delicate teas in town.
? like a hummingbird Who saw the nectar And drank ? ? keep a bag of delight For you and me Latch onto a cup of steeperr Tea ? take a moment in your busy Day to try one of our 40 Varieties tea.
yeah yeah yeah ? I'm a brew boy boy boy Watch you drink it up Drink it drink it up Is it big enough? ? ? drink it drink it Baby baby Drink it drink it Love me love me ? ? want want want What you want want want? I give it to you baby like Boom boom boom ? ? and bring it on down to Liquorville ? excuse me.
This is the area of the shopping Center that I reserved to Promote my tea shop.
If you could just scoot, that Would be great.
Thank you.
.
O cf1 o actually, I think this is What they call a common area, so I'm just going to pop a squat Right here.
thank you common area is right.
what did you say under your Breath, chamomile? nothing.
? your cup is empty That seems wrong So let me tea bag you All day long ? ? a pickup when your day Is dragging Tea bagging ? okay.
You should really google that Phrase.
Yeah.
And while you're doing that, get Canadian, and check this out.
what ? all I do is win win win No matter what You all get me on your mind You can't ever get enough ? And every time I step up in your building Your alcohol level goes up ? ? and it stays there And it stays there And it stays there Up down up down ? up down what What? ? ? big party going Into your mouth cause I've never been defeated And I won't stop now ? ? bring it on down to stop by and sample some of Our picos from all over the World.
How about a nice, hot oolong to Coat your throat? why does everything you say Sound so nasty? get 20% off when you join our Frequent steepers club.
oh, speaking of clubs.
? everybody in the club Getting tipsy Everybody in the club Getting tipsy ? ? everybody in the club Getting tipsy Everybody in the club Getting tipsy ? ? beer here come the stout To the amber to the ale 21 years or you're Going to go to jail ? ? everybody in the club Just bring it on down To liquorville ? Why are you looking at me like I'm trash? I'll have you know this is a Recyclable bottle.
could you please relocate? I am trying to attract a Sophisticated clientele.
Not beer drinkers.
There is a chico's in the Shopping center.
uh, excuse me tea bagger.
But, some very classy people Come into our liquor store.
Don't worry, we don't just sell Beer so chillax and stop Whining.
? did somebody say Wine ? yes.
Oh, oh, they said it.
They definitely said it.
all right.
? do we pretend that fine wine From the high shelves Are like shooting stars? ? ? I could really use a drink Right now Drink right now Drink right now ? Oh my god! ? lee me talk to em Let me talk to em ? shorty like them apple Flavored wines wines ? ? with the whole store Looking at her She hit the floor ? ? I hit the floor She hit the floor Too much merlot ? ? bring it on down to Liquorville ? all right.
That's it.
I'm going to go ask Williams-sonoma if they wouldn't Mind me tea bagging in front of Their entrance.
& good lord, lady.
Watch your mouth.
seriously, google it.
well, it's just you and me.
what is it they say, beer After wine? feeling fine.
Cause no I can't deny ? ? this hooch I havv inside I give it all to you ? ? my beee My endless bud ? ? bring it on down to Liquorville ? you're watching wspd news, New york.
good morning, everyone.
I'm jack razolli.
and I'm wanda ramirez.
our top story toddy, a Junior high school in long Island has been evacuated after A dangerous carbon monoxide Leak.
Veteran repprter herb welch is On the scene, who this week Celebrated his 70th year with The network.
Hello, herb.
hello, jack.
now, herb, walk us through What's happening at that school.
Have all the students been Evacuated? I've got a guy.
This is teacher, dan mcladdery.
it's mcdonald actually, Dan mcdonald.
it's the same thing.
All right.
What happened? well, we were told this Morning about the leak, so I Gathered the children and had Them evacuate the school.
whaa -- what kind of teacher? I'm an art teacher.
like with the macaroni and The yarn? I teach drawing, actually.
Like it or not, the folk scene Is here to stay.
Back to you, jack.
no, no herb.
Hold on.
-Pstay there a minute, okay? Does dan know what caused the Leak? what? does dan know wwat caused the Leak? I don't know what caused it, Jack.
I just got here.
I know you don't know, herb.
Herb, I know you don't know.
Ask him.
Do you know what caused the Leak? hey, don't write my copy, you Lifeguard.
What leaked? the boilers in the school Have been a problem for a long Time, and I'm appalled by how & The school has -- the school has Been -- I got a question for you.
Do you think lucille ball is a Pinko? I'm sorry.
Did you say lucille ball? herb, e gotta stay on point.
name namess Come on.
herb, does dan think school Officials were aware of the hey, you see the fights last Night? come on, herb.
Herb, wanda asked you a Question.
she can go back to her Kitchen.
herb, answer her.
look, I'm not taking my Set-ups from a hat check girl.
excuse me.
Can we talk about the students, Please? They were put in real danger by Our principal.
That man right over there.
that's absolutely not true.
and that's the news.
Thank you.
herb, turn around and talk to That principal.
Come on.
suck an egg, you mannequin.
All right.
Come here.
you suck, herb welch! thank you.
All right.
All right.
Now, now who are you? I'm the principal here.
My name is ken yee.
bonzai huh? Remember me? herb, no.
Come on.
The war is over, herb.
what did I do? you blew the story.
That's what you did.
P maybe you should more patient With herb.
He may be old -- stop moving.
That just means that his soul is Wise.
jack, if shep cramer knew how You anchor he'd turn over ii his Grave.
no, he wouldn't.
He was cremated.
they burned my friend.
come on, pull it together, Buddy.
you son of a bitch.
cut away from him, please.
Oh, man.
As always we apologize to you in Communities.
Up next, we'll talk to long Island he officials.
Thank you.
First, some very sad news.
We've just received word that Our own herb welch died five Seconds ago.
Mr.
Welch had been in bad Health.
We go now to the scene.
Gentlemen, what happenee? the guy staated to cough, and Then he turned pale and he Wasn't breathing.
unbelievable.
It appears mr.
Welch is till Alive and as unprofessional as Ever.
How is thht possible? Rocking that ass yeah.
e your mom says hi jinx ? yeah yeah yeah yeah Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah ? yeah ? yeah yeah yeah yeah Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah ? yeah ? yeah yeah yeah yeah Yeah yeah yeah ? Note no-no ? yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Yeah yeah yeah ? ? summertime in the city And everybody's having sex You know You know I just got a page ? ? from a girl that I met last week At the payless Shoe store ? I got a call Look at how you knock on the Roof 2 to 6 hours we'll meet back And we'll roll ? roll into my cribbs With some bartles & jaymes How about the butts With the alizay ? ? now hold up player What you diggity doing In here I was going to ask you the same Hey boy I want you boy I hope that you think that's ? cool ? I know much guys Won't freak together She forgot about the golden Rule ? ? it's okay when it's a Three-way It's not gay when it's in ? A three-way note with a honey The iddle there's Some lee-way ? ? the area's gray in a One two three way Normally I don't get down with Dudes ? ? but tonight is a special Exception Great See you're my best friend ? ? through thick and thin Now it's time to make a Triple connection Lights off ? ? here in the dark Here in the dark It's hard to tell So harr to tell ? ? where her body ends La la And my homey's begins Ew-wee ? ? this rule dates back The golden rule To ancient greece Talking about cesar ? ? it's two Jack trippers and a chrissy The new "three's company" ? you guys are still here? ? it's okay when it's a Three-way It's not gay when it's in a Three-way ? ? with a honey in the miidle There's some lee-way The area is gray in a one Two three way ? ? fellas get ready Doing it with a chick Helicopter [ bleep .]
? ? helicopter [ bleep .]
? do it with a chick Do the helicopter [ bleep .]
And all of that was okaa Maybe two is enough ? that's what they'll say ? we'll say hell no ?7o cf1 o it's a three-way The golden rule ? ladies and gentlemen, lady Gaga.
good evening.
I'm seth meyers, and here are Tonight's top stories.
sources are saying that a Former egyptian special forces Operative has been appointed the Caretaker of al qaeda in the Wake of bin laden's death.
He was chosen because of his Military background, his youth, And he was the last one to shout Not it.
president obama and israeli Prime minister Benjamin netanyahu met Friday at The white house one day after Obama called for israel to Return to the 1967 borders.
It's hard to know what was said At the meeting, but I'm betting On heavy use of the word Meshuggahna.
despite announcing that he Would not run for president, Donald trump insisted Monday That if he had stayed in the Race, he would have won the Primary and the general Election.
Pretty bold when you consider The fact he's not even winning His time slot.
it was revealed Tuesday that Arnold schwarzenegger fathered a Child with his house keeper.
That brings us to really with Seth.
Really, arnold schwarzenegger? You had an fair with the maid in Your house? You know, when powerful people Have affairs, they usually put a Little effort into it.
I mean, really.
Secret rendezvous, high-priced Call girl.
What did you o? Just sit in your recliner and Point at your wiener whenever Someone walked by? And really, did you really think It was a good idea for your Mistress to work in your home For 14 years after the affair, Right in front of your wife? That's so risky.
I'm not even married and I erase My internet history every four Hours.
Just in case I die and my mom Comes over.
Really? I have to say you have giant Balls for a guy who definitely Has tiny steroid balls.
Really? And then it was revealed on Wednesday that the child you Fathered with the housekeeper Was born days after Maria shriver gave birth to your Other son.
Two kids in a week.
So wait, every time I saw you Smoking a cigar, were you just Celebrating another baby? You're like oprah but with Babies.
"you get a baby, and you get a Baby! And you get a baby! Everybody gets a baby!" Also, I couldn't help but notice Every one of your movies makes a Perfect "new york post" headline For this story.
"junior," "twins," "true lies," "predator," "judgment day," "collateral damage," and "raw Deal.
" Thank god you passed on the Action comedy "governor Horndog.
" And you brought the maid on Vacation with your family.
Really? Hotels already have maids.
That's like bringing weed tt Amsterdam.
But really, arnold, this is the Most important part.
If this baby is the future Leader of the human resistance Against our robot overlords, we Won't forgive you, but it wiil Help your case, really.
this has been "really? With seth.
" it was reported that the Walt disney company has Officially bought the trademark To the name "s.
E.
A.
L.
Team 6," The name of the unit that killed Osama bin laden.
So get ready for a very Disturbing sequel to "up.
" the winner of the miss Madison beauty pageant was Forced to give up her crown this Week after she was arrested for Identity theft.
You know, I'm starting to think The best way to win a beauty Pageant is just come in second And wait.
he ate his 25,000th big mac And then afterwards he ate a Piece of broccoli and died.
now it's time for get in the Kwaj.
Nicolas cage talks about their Craft and recent work.
Please welcomeeto the cage Nicolas cage and bradley cooper.
thank you so much.
Thank you so much for having me, Nic.
I am really excited to "get in The cage.
" that's very kind of you, Bradley.
Now, let's begin with a question About your new movie, "the Hangover part 2.
" shoot.
in it you play a gentleman Who has a wild, drunken night in Bangkok and then must face the Grim repercussions.
that's correct.
so my first question is, how Am I not in that movie? what do you mean? it has the two cllssic Elements of a nic cage film.
One, I'm told the actorsswere Given food.
Two, it's basically a shot for Shot re-creation of my life.
I'm the human hangover.
look, nic, I'm sorry that you Weren't in "the hangover part 2.
" Maybe you were too busy.
I mean, you're in every movie.
You're like a dangerous eugeee Levy.
you seem nice, cooper Scooper.
Nevertheless you lack the key Ingredient to become a film Icon.
Normadic eyebrows.
Like the gladiators of yore this Went across the crescent moon.
That's my hairlinee and ttat's The awe das city of hope.
I think I'm readd to get out& Of the cage.
that happens.
there's onll one way out of The cage.
A fight to the death.
Two men enter, two men leave.
I think it's one man leaves.
yeah, math was never my Strong suit.
Now, in the words oo my fellow Actor and life coach, mel Gibson, prepare to die from Human bites.
I'm sorry.
Mel gibson is your life coach? yes.
who is your accountant? wessey snipes.
just wrap it up.
fine by me, seth.
For now it's time to ride on to My next adventure? what's that.
I'm going to kill the ghost Of osama bin laden.
nic cage and bradley cooper Everybody! Thank you.
on Tuesday the pillow fight World cup was held in brooklyn, New yook.
That's what you want.
People n the kingdom of bedbugs Shaking their linens out in the Open.
A nightmare.
a growing trend among Expectant parents is to have the Sex of their baby revealed Through baby cakes which contain Blue or pink icing inside, Rather than having a doctor tell Phem.
And what could be more american Than saying, "yeah, yeah, Doctor, I'll believe it when I Hear it from a dessert.
" Thank you, though.
a new photo is planking Keeping a body stiff while Balancing on top of something, Or what the protestants call Sex.
a woman in pennsylvania was Girl she was baby sithing.
Marijuana-laced margarine? I can't believe it's pot butter.
tonight is our season Finale, so I just want to say to Everyone out there, thank you For watching and have a Wonderful summer.
You ready to go stefan? So where are we going again? well, it's that thing of when A beach is covered in jellyfish And a sunburned old man braids Your hair.
can my girlfriend come? no.
stefan, I think this is the Beginning of a beautiful Nightmare.
for "weekend update," I'm Seth meyers.
and now it's time to play -- "what's that name?" and here's your host, Vince blake.
hello, and welcome to "what's That name celebrity edition.
" The rules are the same as Always.
We show you a person, you tell Us their name.
Ann our contestants are Justin timberlake -- all right.
.
O cf1 o How are you doing? very good, very good.
and lady gaga.
I'm ready to playyand win.
all right.
And the first question goes to Justin.
This funky feline rapped with "what's that name?" I know that -- that's m.
C.
Scat cat.
two steps forward, two steps Back.
You're the man, j.
T.
And you just won $10.
Next up, lady gaga.
Though best known for acting in "the princesssbride," he also Has written several acclaimed Off-broadway plays.
that is wallace shawn, vince.
all right.
$10 to you.
Ready to go again, j.
T.
? yeah, you know it, vince.
you know it, vince.
All right -- this next questton Is worth $100,000.
And here to read the clue is the Woman herself.
we made love at the w hotel Two weeks ago.
It was after your premiere.
You told me I was beautiful, And -- to never give up on my Photography.
What's my name? hey, girl.
You look good.
I know.
That's why you had sex wwth me.
What'' my name? We had an inside joke about how My feet were cold.
What's my name? a hot lady like you has got To have a hot name.
So -- cheyenne.
audience, "what's that name?" amy.
maybe you would have Remembered me if I was a rapping Cat.
Good takedown.
okay, look.
What the hell kind of show is This? it's "what's that name" Celebrity edition.
Okay.
Lady gaga, you're up next.
get ready, gaga.
This game's tough.
we've got another walk-on Clue.
sorry, you don't know me.
You know, I saw your monster Show, and I hung out by the Stage door.
alphonse.
how did you remember him? he said he lovvd my music.
You don't forget sooething like That.
The woman next to you in the Jazzy, that was your sister, Marie, right? yeah.
Yes, you know, her knees are Lousy.
go see my guy at lennox hill.
He's the best.
And tell him to send me the I pray for you in church.
and I for you.
this show is awful! I think you're awful.
.
O cf1 o look, man, I'm just trying to Raise money for my charity, "the hope foundation.
" oh, and what do they do? well, they -- they -- They raise hope -- for thh -- if I may, vince, they promote Musical education.
oh, thanks gaga.
And who are you playing for? I'm playing for the people of Japan, of course.
of course.
Playing for any other cause Would be a slap in their face.
Justin, you ready to forget the Next name? kay, all right.
All right, I just want to say That I meet a lot of people Every day, and I love my fans, Okay? When you spend two minutes with Someone in passing, it's hard to Remember their names.
oh, that's fair.
Don't worry, j.
T.
Our next clue shouldn't be hard.
Bring him out.
I was in 'n sync withhyou.
But I'm not lance bass, you, or Joey fatone.
What's my name? if you can tell me even part Of his name, I'll give every Charity on earth $10 million.
oh my god.
I know you know it, gaga.
But it's j.
T.
's turn.
come on, what's my name, J.
T.
? I know this.
I know this.
I think it's like -- charty.
you think his name is charty? Well, we don't need a buzzer to Know that's wrong.
But, let's hear one anyway.
Audience, what's that name? chris kirkpatrick! chris kirkpatrick! oh, man.
I knew that.
oh, did you? Then real quick, what's his We just said it.
kirk charty.
you are awful.
That's our show.
I'd like to thank you two for Playing.
and I would like to thank the Entire crew, eddie, mike c, Donna, and everyonn in the Audience, matt, anna, molly.
Thank you so much.
oh, my gosh, the merriville Pove tunnel.
yeah, wouldn't want to be On this ride with anyone else.
I mean it.
todd.
Oh, look.
Oh, the merriville brothers.
? a lovely time of day With a heart of gold And a hand to hold The merriville way ? oh, my god.
They're so cute.
yeah.
Yeah.
And a little creepy, right? oh, I think they're adorable.
oh, what was that? sorry, folks.
We have to stop here for a Second.
There's a skunk on the track Ahead, and he does not want to Move.
We're working on it.
oh, no, we're stuck.
that's not the worst thing Now, is it? Damn it.
around the merry-go-round A lovely time of day With a heart of gold And a hand to hold ? the merriville way why aren't they going down? they're fixing the ride.
okay.
Is it me or are they staring at You? it's you.
okay, but this one is trying To kiss you.
no, he's not.
yeah, he is.
His lip are pursed.
okay, you're right.
He wants to kiss me.
Well, here you go, Mr.
Merriville.
okay.
All right.
We got to get off this ride.
what's the matter? these robots are flirting With you.
don't be silly.
Come on.
oh, boy.
two, one, two they're showing off.
They're hot dogging.
don't fall for this.
on their merriville way now they're shooting arrows At me.
it was just a cupid Reference.
I don't like it it.
all right, everybody.
Pere's the situation.
We're at an impasse with the Skunk.
We have to unload people with The front of the ride.
You two hold tight.
I'll see if I can get you Vouchers for some free funnel Cakes.
no, no, take us with you! aawhat are you so scared of? I'm not afraid of anything.
don't let them touch you.
they're harmless.
don't let they want put a Ring on you.
it's a gift.
you're marrying a robot! what the hell? I think they're taking me with Them.
what do you mean taking you With them? Let go of me.
bye, sweetie.
bye.
I will -- now what am I supposed To -- oh, great.
Now what am I supposed to do? Okay.
Why not? ? that's love the merriville Way ? and now it's time to play the Game the stars play, "secret Word" with your host lyle round.
hello, and good day.
I'm lyle round.
We got a great game.
Let's meet our celebrities.
She's better known for her work Pn the broadway stage.
Please welcome mindy elise Grayson.
thank you.
Thank you.
This is all I do now.
terrific, terrific, terrific.
Our next guest is celebrated Mentalist and hypnotist, the Mysterious frandel thank you.
Tonight I will bend the laws of Science.
That spoon just flewwaway on a Clear wire.
or did it? He's got two spoons.
That's it.
I play the spoons in "kentucky dirty," the story of a Female jockey that struggled With her weight.
"the new york times" said, "not Right now!" looks like our contestants Are getting bored, so why don't We begin.
Mindy's team won the toss.
Are you prepared? I'll let the actress inside Me answer that.
Get into character.
Hell yes, margaret sue! oh, boy.
thh secret word is "boott" all right.
Look at me.
Focus.
This is hard.
We can do this.
five seconds, mindy.
I'm listening.
I'm with you.
sorry, let me put my reading Glasses on to check.
Oh, I readdit wrong.
It's boot.
-Pmindy, you said the secret Word.
I know it.
At first I thought it said 800 t, but it says "boot.
" My eyes aren't what they used to Be, lyle, just like the Character I played in, "who Moved my john?" The story of a blind call girl Who can't tell if she's being Paid or not.
Is this $5? How much did you give me? Do you need change? sit down, sit down, sit down.
Let's move over to the Mysterious frandel's team.
Are you ready to receive some Clues? I think so, lyle.
or do you? Put that away, please.
I can hear the motor, please.
Ten seconds on the clock.
the secret word is, "grape.
" imt you I want you to clear Your mind.
okay.
I'm sending you the word Telepath thickally.
Ii's grape.
you just said the secret Word.
or did I? Soon you will have no memory of What happened here.
I wish that were true, but You still said it.
Grape.
I ate a grape once backstage At the opening night party for Juanita shepherd's "high-kicking Honey babies.
" the secret word is cramp.
cramp.
long story short I ate so Many grapes I loudly broke wind Everywhere.
I tried apologizing to the honey Babies, but they were long gone.
mindy, you said the secret Word.
I said it because I saw it I flubbed my line just like I Did in the hit flop "kenya karen At the watubi crew.
" Hit it! ? kenya karen And the watubi crew Topless all the time ? sit down, sit down, sit down! No, no.
Okay.
Over to the amazing frandee.
It's your turn.
if I'm really here.
Imagine me not here! he's clearly right there.
& We'll be right back after word From our sponsor.
Thank you.
Oh, please, stop.
-Pstop it.
Please.
once again, lady gaga.
it's the barry gibb talk Show.
Tonight bbary's guest star -- From msnbc, rachel maddow.
Cnn commentator roland s.
Martin.
Chairman of thh federal Reserve -- Ben bernanke.
And, as always -- barry's brother robin.
? I don't care what you say Talking it out On the barry gibbs talk show Talking about issues ? ? talking about -- Talking it up On the barry gibbs talk show Checking out politics ? In this crazy, crazy time Yeah-ah Yeah-ah-ah ? ladies and gentlemen, your Host, barry gibbs.
good evening, ladies and Gentlemen.
We've got a great show for you Tonight.
This is my show, and this is a No-nonsense show.
I will not take any crap from Anyone.
Now let's get down to brass Tacks.
The United States is currently In debt to china to the tune of Over $1.
3 trillion.
Will china become the world's Only economic superpower? Robin, do you have any thoughts? no.
No, I don't.
chairman bernanke, is it Possibleefor america to pull Itself out of this economic Disaster? If so, how, how, how, how, how? there's no one answer.
well, I'm glad I askeddyou, Then.
I'm just saying -- don't just say.
Shut your trap.
Miss maddow, I understand -- did You just take a sip of water? Don't upstage me on my own show I can't be trusted at a full Moon.
I have to be handcuffed to a Radiator.
I've woke up chest hair caked in Blood next to a journal filled Sense -- With entries that make no ? caked I blood Journal that makes no sense Caked in blood ? ? journals make no sense I'm barry f-ing gibbs.
I apologize, miss maddow.
Robin, do you have anything to Add? no.
No, I don't.
robin, dear brother, speak to me.
no.
it's me, it's barry.
I know who it is.
I'm your brotherr we ere both tiny babies Together.
We bathed in the sink together? I know.
we suckled off the same teet.
? we suckled off The same teet We suckled oof The same teet ? ? one at a time Suckled off The same teet ? robin, do ouuhave anything To add? I'd rather not.
let's just introduce the next Guest.
roland s.
Martin you haveegot to be kidding me.
Listen to me you white-bearded Flesh monger.
Do you know who I am.
I am barry -- the let me handle this.
Clear.
f-ing gibbs! I survived the rapture.
That is all the time that we Have.
? we have been Talking it it up on the barry Gibbs talk show ? talking about chest hair Crazy cool medalions Talking bout ? ? on the barry gibbs Talk show ? talking about politics in this crazy crazy time ? a hip hop A hippie a hippie To the hip hip hop A you don't stop ? ? the rock it To the bang bang boogie Say up juuped the boogie To the rhhthm of the boogie The beat ? thanks to lady gaga, Jimmy fallon, bradley cooper.
Susan sarandon and trisha clark.
Thank you.
That's the season, baby!
Strauss-kahn, but make Yourself at home.
did you hear what I heard? well, we best introduce Ourselves.
Hey, we heard all about you on The news.
mr.
Dominique strauss-kahn, Former head of the imf.
guess what, mr.
Strauss-kahn, I have a question for you.
What's the imf going to do with The debt crisis in greece? I'll tell you what I'd do.
I'd let them default and let Greece out of the euro zone.
come on, give greece a chance To settle their debt.
with what? Greeks don't pay their taxes.
Where's the revenue going to Come from? They selling a trillion dollars Worth of feta? don't beat on the greeks.
you know what the biggest Greek export is? hard-working greeks.
True, true.
strauss-kahn likes that.
yeah, you want to feel bad For somebody? Feel bad for the irish.
I hear that.
You got to feel for ireland.
the irish been eating dirt And potatoes for 400 years.
You can't blame them for Thinking it was their time for Some happiness.
the good news is the irish Know how to handle hard times.
They're like the germans.
what? You can't say that.
The germans are the only ones That know the score right now.
what about sweden? I meant countries in the euro Zone.
when it comes to the euro Sweden thanks od every day they Were left out of it.
You got that, strauss-kahn? You know what we're talking About? He likes that one.
He's smiling a little bit.
He's in jail, but he's smiling.
all I'm saying is the germans Are proving the only way out of The debt crisis is measures.
You get in a jam, you got to cut Back.
you can't expect the rest of Euuope to act like germany.
Germans are good at being as Tire.
That's their habit.
Sausage and carton of milk.
You can't expect someone in Spain to be happy with that.
I guess germany has to pay For Spain's sangria? they do if they don't want it To rubble.
would you have them bail out Portugal.
bitch, you know I have no Love for port balanugal.
It's the dingleberry hanging off Spain's nut sack.
when it was greece it was a Different story.
they created democracy.
the creation of democracy is In the past, yo.
Greece wanting respect for Democracy is like them Wanting -- dsk knows what's I'm talking About.
it's good talking to you Mr.
Strauss-kahn.
yeah, it truly has.
So we going to rape you now.
yeah.
and live from new york it's Saturday night! announcer: It's "Saturday Night live"! With fred armisen Abby elliott Bill hader Seth meyers Bobby moynihan Andy samberg Jason sudeikis Kenan thompson Kristen wigg Featuring vanessa bayer Paul brittain Taran killam Nasim pedrad Jay pharaoh Musical guest -- Lady gaga And your host -- Justin timberlake.
Ladies and gentlemen, Justin timberlake! thank youu Thank you.
Thank you, mom.
I'm glad you're here tonight, Mom.
here we are.
I'm so happy to be here hosting The season finale of "Saturday Night live.
" now, in the past when I've Hosted this show I've also been The musical guest, but tonight Tonight, lady gaga is here.
Oh, yeah, I know.
I've told lorne this is great.
I mean, now there's no pressure On me to sing, because it's Gaga's moment.
And then he said "well, you'll Do one song, right?" And I said "I ddn't think so.
" And he said "justin.
" And I said "please.
" And he said "justin.
" And I said "lorne.
" And he said "j -- " and I said "no.
" And finally, I realized I had to Explain it in a way he'd Understand.
lady gaga is here, so stick Around.
We got a great show.
We'll be right back.
need a rest from your Shopping? Stop by the grand opening of -- Steepers tea salon right there.
Got the most wonderful and Delicate teas in town.
? like a hummingbird Who saw the nectar And drank ? ? keep a bag of delight For you and me Latch onto a cup of steeperr Tea ? take a moment in your busy Day to try one of our 40 Varieties tea.
yeah yeah yeah ? I'm a brew boy boy boy Watch you drink it up Drink it drink it up Is it big enough? ? ? drink it drink it Baby baby Drink it drink it Love me love me ? ? want want want What you want want want? I give it to you baby like Boom boom boom ? ? and bring it on down to Liquorville ? excuse me.
This is the area of the shopping Center that I reserved to Promote my tea shop.
If you could just scoot, that Would be great.
Thank you.
.
O cf1 o actually, I think this is What they call a common area, so I'm just going to pop a squat Right here.
thank you common area is right.
what did you say under your Breath, chamomile? nothing.
? your cup is empty That seems wrong So let me tea bag you All day long ? ? a pickup when your day Is dragging Tea bagging ? okay.
You should really google that Phrase.
Yeah.
And while you're doing that, get Canadian, and check this out.
what ? all I do is win win win No matter what You all get me on your mind You can't ever get enough ? And every time I step up in your building Your alcohol level goes up ? ? and it stays there And it stays there And it stays there Up down up down ? up down what What? ? ? big party going Into your mouth cause I've never been defeated And I won't stop now ? ? bring it on down to stop by and sample some of Our picos from all over the World.
How about a nice, hot oolong to Coat your throat? why does everything you say Sound so nasty? get 20% off when you join our Frequent steepers club.
oh, speaking of clubs.
? everybody in the club Getting tipsy Everybody in the club Getting tipsy ? ? everybody in the club Getting tipsy Everybody in the club Getting tipsy ? ? beer here come the stout To the amber to the ale 21 years or you're Going to go to jail ? ? everybody in the club Just bring it on down To liquorville ? Why are you looking at me like I'm trash? I'll have you know this is a Recyclable bottle.
could you please relocate? I am trying to attract a Sophisticated clientele.
Not beer drinkers.
There is a chico's in the Shopping center.
uh, excuse me tea bagger.
But, some very classy people Come into our liquor store.
Don't worry, we don't just sell Beer so chillax and stop Whining.
? did somebody say Wine ? yes.
Oh, oh, they said it.
They definitely said it.
all right.
? do we pretend that fine wine From the high shelves Are like shooting stars? ? ? I could really use a drink Right now Drink right now Drink right now ? Oh my god! ? lee me talk to em Let me talk to em ? shorty like them apple Flavored wines wines ? ? with the whole store Looking at her She hit the floor ? ? I hit the floor She hit the floor Too much merlot ? ? bring it on down to Liquorville ? all right.
That's it.
I'm going to go ask Williams-sonoma if they wouldn't Mind me tea bagging in front of Their entrance.
& good lord, lady.
Watch your mouth.
seriously, google it.
well, it's just you and me.
what is it they say, beer After wine? feeling fine.
Cause no I can't deny ? ? this hooch I havv inside I give it all to you ? ? my beee My endless bud ? ? bring it on down to Liquorville ? you're watching wspd news, New york.
good morning, everyone.
I'm jack razolli.
and I'm wanda ramirez.
our top story toddy, a Junior high school in long Island has been evacuated after A dangerous carbon monoxide Leak.
Veteran repprter herb welch is On the scene, who this week Celebrated his 70th year with The network.
Hello, herb.
hello, jack.
now, herb, walk us through What's happening at that school.
Have all the students been Evacuated? I've got a guy.
This is teacher, dan mcladdery.
it's mcdonald actually, Dan mcdonald.
it's the same thing.
All right.
What happened? well, we were told this Morning about the leak, so I Gathered the children and had Them evacuate the school.
whaa -- what kind of teacher? I'm an art teacher.
like with the macaroni and The yarn? I teach drawing, actually.
Like it or not, the folk scene Is here to stay.
Back to you, jack.
no, no herb.
Hold on.
-Pstay there a minute, okay? Does dan know what caused the Leak? what? does dan know wwat caused the Leak? I don't know what caused it, Jack.
I just got here.
I know you don't know, herb.
Herb, I know you don't know.
Ask him.
Do you know what caused the Leak? hey, don't write my copy, you Lifeguard.
What leaked? the boilers in the school Have been a problem for a long Time, and I'm appalled by how & The school has -- the school has Been -- I got a question for you.
Do you think lucille ball is a Pinko? I'm sorry.
Did you say lucille ball? herb, e gotta stay on point.
name namess Come on.
herb, does dan think school Officials were aware of the hey, you see the fights last Night? come on, herb.
Herb, wanda asked you a Question.
she can go back to her Kitchen.
herb, answer her.
look, I'm not taking my Set-ups from a hat check girl.
excuse me.
Can we talk about the students, Please? They were put in real danger by Our principal.
That man right over there.
that's absolutely not true.
and that's the news.
Thank you.
herb, turn around and talk to That principal.
Come on.
suck an egg, you mannequin.
All right.
Come here.
you suck, herb welch! thank you.
All right.
All right.
Now, now who are you? I'm the principal here.
My name is ken yee.
bonzai huh? Remember me? herb, no.
Come on.
The war is over, herb.
what did I do? you blew the story.
That's what you did.
P maybe you should more patient With herb.
He may be old -- stop moving.
That just means that his soul is Wise.
jack, if shep cramer knew how You anchor he'd turn over ii his Grave.
no, he wouldn't.
He was cremated.
they burned my friend.
come on, pull it together, Buddy.
you son of a bitch.
cut away from him, please.
Oh, man.
As always we apologize to you in Communities.
Up next, we'll talk to long Island he officials.
Thank you.
First, some very sad news.
We've just received word that Our own herb welch died five Seconds ago.
Mr.
Welch had been in bad Health.
We go now to the scene.
Gentlemen, what happenee? the guy staated to cough, and Then he turned pale and he Wasn't breathing.
unbelievable.
It appears mr.
Welch is till Alive and as unprofessional as Ever.
How is thht possible? Rocking that ass yeah.
e your mom says hi jinx ? yeah yeah yeah yeah Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah ? yeah ? yeah yeah yeah yeah Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah ? yeah ? yeah yeah yeah yeah Yeah yeah yeah ? Note no-no ? yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Yeah yeah yeah ? ? summertime in the city And everybody's having sex You know You know I just got a page ? ? from a girl that I met last week At the payless Shoe store ? I got a call Look at how you knock on the Roof 2 to 6 hours we'll meet back And we'll roll ? roll into my cribbs With some bartles & jaymes How about the butts With the alizay ? ? now hold up player What you diggity doing In here I was going to ask you the same Hey boy I want you boy I hope that you think that's ? cool ? I know much guys Won't freak together She forgot about the golden Rule ? ? it's okay when it's a Three-way It's not gay when it's in ? A three-way note with a honey The iddle there's Some lee-way ? ? the area's gray in a One two three way Normally I don't get down with Dudes ? ? but tonight is a special Exception Great See you're my best friend ? ? through thick and thin Now it's time to make a Triple connection Lights off ? ? here in the dark Here in the dark It's hard to tell So harr to tell ? ? where her body ends La la And my homey's begins Ew-wee ? ? this rule dates back The golden rule To ancient greece Talking about cesar ? ? it's two Jack trippers and a chrissy The new "three's company" ? you guys are still here? ? it's okay when it's a Three-way It's not gay when it's in a Three-way ? ? with a honey in the miidle There's some lee-way The area is gray in a one Two three way ? ? fellas get ready Doing it with a chick Helicopter [ bleep .]
? ? helicopter [ bleep .]
? do it with a chick Do the helicopter [ bleep .]
And all of that was okaa Maybe two is enough ? that's what they'll say ? we'll say hell no ?7o cf1 o it's a three-way The golden rule ? ladies and gentlemen, lady Gaga.
good evening.
I'm seth meyers, and here are Tonight's top stories.
sources are saying that a Former egyptian special forces Operative has been appointed the Caretaker of al qaeda in the Wake of bin laden's death.
He was chosen because of his Military background, his youth, And he was the last one to shout Not it.
president obama and israeli Prime minister Benjamin netanyahu met Friday at The white house one day after Obama called for israel to Return to the 1967 borders.
It's hard to know what was said At the meeting, but I'm betting On heavy use of the word Meshuggahna.
despite announcing that he Would not run for president, Donald trump insisted Monday That if he had stayed in the Race, he would have won the Primary and the general Election.
Pretty bold when you consider The fact he's not even winning His time slot.
it was revealed Tuesday that Arnold schwarzenegger fathered a Child with his house keeper.
That brings us to really with Seth.
Really, arnold schwarzenegger? You had an fair with the maid in Your house? You know, when powerful people Have affairs, they usually put a Little effort into it.
I mean, really.
Secret rendezvous, high-priced Call girl.
What did you o? Just sit in your recliner and Point at your wiener whenever Someone walked by? And really, did you really think It was a good idea for your Mistress to work in your home For 14 years after the affair, Right in front of your wife? That's so risky.
I'm not even married and I erase My internet history every four Hours.
Just in case I die and my mom Comes over.
Really? I have to say you have giant Balls for a guy who definitely Has tiny steroid balls.
Really? And then it was revealed on Wednesday that the child you Fathered with the housekeeper Was born days after Maria shriver gave birth to your Other son.
Two kids in a week.
So wait, every time I saw you Smoking a cigar, were you just Celebrating another baby? You're like oprah but with Babies.
"you get a baby, and you get a Baby! And you get a baby! Everybody gets a baby!" Also, I couldn't help but notice Every one of your movies makes a Perfect "new york post" headline For this story.
"junior," "twins," "true lies," "predator," "judgment day," "collateral damage," and "raw Deal.
" Thank god you passed on the Action comedy "governor Horndog.
" And you brought the maid on Vacation with your family.
Really? Hotels already have maids.
That's like bringing weed tt Amsterdam.
But really, arnold, this is the Most important part.
If this baby is the future Leader of the human resistance Against our robot overlords, we Won't forgive you, but it wiil Help your case, really.
this has been "really? With seth.
" it was reported that the Walt disney company has Officially bought the trademark To the name "s.
E.
A.
L.
Team 6," The name of the unit that killed Osama bin laden.
So get ready for a very Disturbing sequel to "up.
" the winner of the miss Madison beauty pageant was Forced to give up her crown this Week after she was arrested for Identity theft.
You know, I'm starting to think The best way to win a beauty Pageant is just come in second And wait.
he ate his 25,000th big mac And then afterwards he ate a Piece of broccoli and died.
now it's time for get in the Kwaj.
Nicolas cage talks about their Craft and recent work.
Please welcomeeto the cage Nicolas cage and bradley cooper.
thank you so much.
Thank you so much for having me, Nic.
I am really excited to "get in The cage.
" that's very kind of you, Bradley.
Now, let's begin with a question About your new movie, "the Hangover part 2.
" shoot.
in it you play a gentleman Who has a wild, drunken night in Bangkok and then must face the Grim repercussions.
that's correct.
so my first question is, how Am I not in that movie? what do you mean? it has the two cllssic Elements of a nic cage film.
One, I'm told the actorsswere Given food.
Two, it's basically a shot for Shot re-creation of my life.
I'm the human hangover.
look, nic, I'm sorry that you Weren't in "the hangover part 2.
" Maybe you were too busy.
I mean, you're in every movie.
You're like a dangerous eugeee Levy.
you seem nice, cooper Scooper.
Nevertheless you lack the key Ingredient to become a film Icon.
Normadic eyebrows.
Like the gladiators of yore this Went across the crescent moon.
That's my hairlinee and ttat's The awe das city of hope.
I think I'm readd to get out& Of the cage.
that happens.
there's onll one way out of The cage.
A fight to the death.
Two men enter, two men leave.
I think it's one man leaves.
yeah, math was never my Strong suit.
Now, in the words oo my fellow Actor and life coach, mel Gibson, prepare to die from Human bites.
I'm sorry.
Mel gibson is your life coach? yes.
who is your accountant? wessey snipes.
just wrap it up.
fine by me, seth.
For now it's time to ride on to My next adventure? what's that.
I'm going to kill the ghost Of osama bin laden.
nic cage and bradley cooper Everybody! Thank you.
on Tuesday the pillow fight World cup was held in brooklyn, New yook.
That's what you want.
People n the kingdom of bedbugs Shaking their linens out in the Open.
A nightmare.
a growing trend among Expectant parents is to have the Sex of their baby revealed Through baby cakes which contain Blue or pink icing inside, Rather than having a doctor tell Phem.
And what could be more american Than saying, "yeah, yeah, Doctor, I'll believe it when I Hear it from a dessert.
" Thank you, though.
a new photo is planking Keeping a body stiff while Balancing on top of something, Or what the protestants call Sex.
a woman in pennsylvania was Girl she was baby sithing.
Marijuana-laced margarine? I can't believe it's pot butter.
tonight is our season Finale, so I just want to say to Everyone out there, thank you For watching and have a Wonderful summer.
You ready to go stefan? So where are we going again? well, it's that thing of when A beach is covered in jellyfish And a sunburned old man braids Your hair.
can my girlfriend come? no.
stefan, I think this is the Beginning of a beautiful Nightmare.
for "weekend update," I'm Seth meyers.
and now it's time to play -- "what's that name?" and here's your host, Vince blake.
hello, and welcome to "what's That name celebrity edition.
" The rules are the same as Always.
We show you a person, you tell Us their name.
Ann our contestants are Justin timberlake -- all right.
.
O cf1 o How are you doing? very good, very good.
and lady gaga.
I'm ready to playyand win.
all right.
And the first question goes to Justin.
This funky feline rapped with "what's that name?" I know that -- that's m.
C.
Scat cat.
two steps forward, two steps Back.
You're the man, j.
T.
And you just won $10.
Next up, lady gaga.
Though best known for acting in "the princesssbride," he also Has written several acclaimed Off-broadway plays.
that is wallace shawn, vince.
all right.
$10 to you.
Ready to go again, j.
T.
? yeah, you know it, vince.
you know it, vince.
All right -- this next questton Is worth $100,000.
And here to read the clue is the Woman herself.
we made love at the w hotel Two weeks ago.
It was after your premiere.
You told me I was beautiful, And -- to never give up on my Photography.
What's my name? hey, girl.
You look good.
I know.
That's why you had sex wwth me.
What'' my name? We had an inside joke about how My feet were cold.
What's my name? a hot lady like you has got To have a hot name.
So -- cheyenne.
audience, "what's that name?" amy.
maybe you would have Remembered me if I was a rapping Cat.
Good takedown.
okay, look.
What the hell kind of show is This? it's "what's that name" Celebrity edition.
Okay.
Lady gaga, you're up next.
get ready, gaga.
This game's tough.
we've got another walk-on Clue.
sorry, you don't know me.
You know, I saw your monster Show, and I hung out by the Stage door.
alphonse.
how did you remember him? he said he lovvd my music.
You don't forget sooething like That.
The woman next to you in the Jazzy, that was your sister, Marie, right? yeah.
Yes, you know, her knees are Lousy.
go see my guy at lennox hill.
He's the best.
And tell him to send me the I pray for you in church.
and I for you.
this show is awful! I think you're awful.
.
O cf1 o look, man, I'm just trying to Raise money for my charity, "the hope foundation.
" oh, and what do they do? well, they -- they -- They raise hope -- for thh -- if I may, vince, they promote Musical education.
oh, thanks gaga.
And who are you playing for? I'm playing for the people of Japan, of course.
of course.
Playing for any other cause Would be a slap in their face.
Justin, you ready to forget the Next name? kay, all right.
All right, I just want to say That I meet a lot of people Every day, and I love my fans, Okay? When you spend two minutes with Someone in passing, it's hard to Remember their names.
oh, that's fair.
Don't worry, j.
T.
Our next clue shouldn't be hard.
Bring him out.
I was in 'n sync withhyou.
But I'm not lance bass, you, or Joey fatone.
What's my name? if you can tell me even part Of his name, I'll give every Charity on earth $10 million.
oh my god.
I know you know it, gaga.
But it's j.
T.
's turn.
come on, what's my name, J.
T.
? I know this.
I know this.
I think it's like -- charty.
you think his name is charty? Well, we don't need a buzzer to Know that's wrong.
But, let's hear one anyway.
Audience, what's that name? chris kirkpatrick! chris kirkpatrick! oh, man.
I knew that.
oh, did you? Then real quick, what's his We just said it.
kirk charty.
you are awful.
That's our show.
I'd like to thank you two for Playing.
and I would like to thank the Entire crew, eddie, mike c, Donna, and everyonn in the Audience, matt, anna, molly.
Thank you so much.
oh, my gosh, the merriville Pove tunnel.
yeah, wouldn't want to be On this ride with anyone else.
I mean it.
todd.
Oh, look.
Oh, the merriville brothers.
? a lovely time of day With a heart of gold And a hand to hold The merriville way ? oh, my god.
They're so cute.
yeah.
Yeah.
And a little creepy, right? oh, I think they're adorable.
oh, what was that? sorry, folks.
We have to stop here for a Second.
There's a skunk on the track Ahead, and he does not want to Move.
We're working on it.
oh, no, we're stuck.
that's not the worst thing Now, is it? Damn it.
around the merry-go-round A lovely time of day With a heart of gold And a hand to hold ? the merriville way why aren't they going down? they're fixing the ride.
okay.
Is it me or are they staring at You? it's you.
okay, but this one is trying To kiss you.
no, he's not.
yeah, he is.
His lip are pursed.
okay, you're right.
He wants to kiss me.
Well, here you go, Mr.
Merriville.
okay.
All right.
We got to get off this ride.
what's the matter? these robots are flirting With you.
don't be silly.
Come on.
oh, boy.
two, one, two they're showing off.
They're hot dogging.
don't fall for this.
on their merriville way now they're shooting arrows At me.
it was just a cupid Reference.
I don't like it it.
all right, everybody.
Pere's the situation.
We're at an impasse with the Skunk.
We have to unload people with The front of the ride.
You two hold tight.
I'll see if I can get you Vouchers for some free funnel Cakes.
no, no, take us with you! aawhat are you so scared of? I'm not afraid of anything.
don't let them touch you.
they're harmless.
don't let they want put a Ring on you.
it's a gift.
you're marrying a robot! what the hell? I think they're taking me with Them.
what do you mean taking you With them? Let go of me.
bye, sweetie.
bye.
I will -- now what am I supposed To -- oh, great.
Now what am I supposed to do? Okay.
Why not? ? that's love the merriville Way ? and now it's time to play the Game the stars play, "secret Word" with your host lyle round.
hello, and good day.
I'm lyle round.
We got a great game.
Let's meet our celebrities.
She's better known for her work Pn the broadway stage.
Please welcome mindy elise Grayson.
thank you.
Thank you.
This is all I do now.
terrific, terrific, terrific.
Our next guest is celebrated Mentalist and hypnotist, the Mysterious frandel thank you.
Tonight I will bend the laws of Science.
That spoon just flewwaway on a Clear wire.
or did it? He's got two spoons.
That's it.
I play the spoons in "kentucky dirty," the story of a Female jockey that struggled With her weight.
"the new york times" said, "not Right now!" looks like our contestants Are getting bored, so why don't We begin.
Mindy's team won the toss.
Are you prepared? I'll let the actress inside Me answer that.
Get into character.
Hell yes, margaret sue! oh, boy.
thh secret word is "boott" all right.
Look at me.
Focus.
This is hard.
We can do this.
five seconds, mindy.
I'm listening.
I'm with you.
sorry, let me put my reading Glasses on to check.
Oh, I readdit wrong.
It's boot.
-Pmindy, you said the secret Word.
I know it.
At first I thought it said 800 t, but it says "boot.
" My eyes aren't what they used to Be, lyle, just like the Character I played in, "who Moved my john?" The story of a blind call girl Who can't tell if she's being Paid or not.
Is this $5? How much did you give me? Do you need change? sit down, sit down, sit down.
Let's move over to the Mysterious frandel's team.
Are you ready to receive some Clues? I think so, lyle.
or do you? Put that away, please.
I can hear the motor, please.
Ten seconds on the clock.
the secret word is, "grape.
" imt you I want you to clear Your mind.
okay.
I'm sending you the word Telepath thickally.
Ii's grape.
you just said the secret Word.
or did I? Soon you will have no memory of What happened here.
I wish that were true, but You still said it.
Grape.
I ate a grape once backstage At the opening night party for Juanita shepherd's "high-kicking Honey babies.
" the secret word is cramp.
cramp.
long story short I ate so Many grapes I loudly broke wind Everywhere.
I tried apologizing to the honey Babies, but they were long gone.
mindy, you said the secret Word.
I said it because I saw it I flubbed my line just like I Did in the hit flop "kenya karen At the watubi crew.
" Hit it! ? kenya karen And the watubi crew Topless all the time ? sit down, sit down, sit down! No, no.
Okay.
Over to the amazing frandee.
It's your turn.
if I'm really here.
Imagine me not here! he's clearly right there.
& We'll be right back after word From our sponsor.
Thank you.
Oh, please, stop.
-Pstop it.
Please.
once again, lady gaga.
it's the barry gibb talk Show.
Tonight bbary's guest star -- From msnbc, rachel maddow.
Cnn commentator roland s.
Martin.
Chairman of thh federal Reserve -- Ben bernanke.
And, as always -- barry's brother robin.
? I don't care what you say Talking it out On the barry gibbs talk show Talking about issues ? ? talking about -- Talking it up On the barry gibbs talk show Checking out politics ? In this crazy, crazy time Yeah-ah Yeah-ah-ah ? ladies and gentlemen, your Host, barry gibbs.
good evening, ladies and Gentlemen.
We've got a great show for you Tonight.
This is my show, and this is a No-nonsense show.
I will not take any crap from Anyone.
Now let's get down to brass Tacks.
The United States is currently In debt to china to the tune of Over $1.
3 trillion.
Will china become the world's Only economic superpower? Robin, do you have any thoughts? no.
No, I don't.
chairman bernanke, is it Possibleefor america to pull Itself out of this economic Disaster? If so, how, how, how, how, how? there's no one answer.
well, I'm glad I askeddyou, Then.
I'm just saying -- don't just say.
Shut your trap.
Miss maddow, I understand -- did You just take a sip of water? Don't upstage me on my own show I can't be trusted at a full Moon.
I have to be handcuffed to a Radiator.
I've woke up chest hair caked in Blood next to a journal filled Sense -- With entries that make no ? caked I blood Journal that makes no sense Caked in blood ? ? journals make no sense I'm barry f-ing gibbs.
I apologize, miss maddow.
Robin, do you have anything to Add? no.
No, I don't.
robin, dear brother, speak to me.
no.
it's me, it's barry.
I know who it is.
I'm your brotherr we ere both tiny babies Together.
We bathed in the sink together? I know.
we suckled off the same teet.
? we suckled off The same teet We suckled oof The same teet ? ? one at a time Suckled off The same teet ? robin, do ouuhave anything To add? I'd rather not.
let's just introduce the next Guest.
roland s.
Martin you haveegot to be kidding me.
Listen to me you white-bearded Flesh monger.
Do you know who I am.
I am barry -- the let me handle this.
Clear.
f-ing gibbs! I survived the rapture.
That is all the time that we Have.
? we have been Talking it it up on the barry Gibbs talk show ? talking about chest hair Crazy cool medalions Talking bout ? ? on the barry gibbs Talk show ? talking about politics in this crazy crazy time ? a hip hop A hippie a hippie To the hip hip hop A you don't stop ? ? the rock it To the bang bang boogie Say up juuped the boogie To the rhhthm of the boogie The beat ? thanks to lady gaga, Jimmy fallon, bradley cooper.
Susan sarandon and trisha clark.
Thank you.
That's the season, baby!