Scarecrow and Mrs. King (1983) s01e09 Episode Script

Bela's not here.
Let's leave him a calling card.
What are you do? [GRUNTS.]
This is a little reminder, Bela.
Mr.
Price doesn't want any successful field goals Sunday, Bela.
Reminder? L I don't need a reminder.
That's good to know, Bela.
We just wanted to know you know.
We got our eye on you all the time, Bela.
So don't let no one know you know us.
You know? - Sure, anything.
- Glad I made myself clear.
Remember, Bela.
Do what we tell you.
[SIGHS.]
BILLY: Won't you have a seat, Mrs.
King? AMANDA: Thank you, sir.
I'll come right to the point.
- Do you follow Liechtensteinian politics? - Should I? It happens to be the biggest tax haven in Europe.
Millions of dollars are sheltered there.
We're investigating a man named John C.
Crandall.
He owns the Washington Pioneers football team and he may have a fortune sheltered in Liechtenstein.
Recently he's been seen with an Ernst Lazlo who has also been linked with several political assassinations.
Oh, okay.
Uh, Liechtenstein Steen? Stein? Liechtenstein? Football, Crandall, assassinations.
The only complication, of course, is Bela Pravik.
Who's Bela Pravik? Bela is the new kicker on the Pioneers football team.
He's from Liechtenstein.
He's the one that told us about Crandall's meetings with Lazlo.
Hmm.
If Lazlo knew that Bela had seen him, Bela would be instantly killed.
If he's in danger, why doesn't he leave? - And break training? - My mistake.
While the players are in training they're not allowed to leave or place a phone call.
If Bela were to leave, Crandall would know something was up, see? So Bela stays put.
Meanwhile, we have a man on the inside investigating.
- Lee.
- Lee.
- Lee used to play football, you know? - Where? Oh, at many of the universities he was thrown out of.
Ah.
Sir? Hmm? I'm sure there's probably some reason that you're giving me all this information.
With the training camp rules being so tightly enforced it's nearly impossible for Lee to communicate with us.
So we want you to pose as a sports reporter.
Hang around the camp, let Lee slip you whatever information he has and report back to us.
- Like an undercover operative.
- Like a messenger.
Excuse me.
Sir, do you think Lee will be okay? Those guys play pretty rough.
Ha, ha.
Amanda, Lee's an ex-jock.
This is like a fantasy coming true for him.
Lee's having a ball.
[MEN GRUNTING.]
[WHISTLE BLOWING.]
CO ACH: Hit the showers.
[PLAYERS CHEERING.]
Hey, Newcombe, let me give you a hand.
Watch my shoulders, not my knees, boy.
[LEE GRUNTS.]
It's the knees that go first.
How many operations? Oh, a couple.
You take care of yourself before you grow old on all fours.
Hey, Newcombe, are you sure it was football and not hopscotch you played up there in the Yukon? [BOBBY CHUCKLES.]
I think we got a ballet dancer at strong safety, Bobby.
[LEE CHUCKLES.]
Of course, I wouldn't worry about him making the cut.
BOBBY: Think you can hang, Pretty Boy? [BOBBY LAUGHS.]
That strong safety doesn't like to hit, does he, Frank? He don't like to stick them with his face.
I always tell, "Stick them with the face.
" Ah, a man who doesn't stick them with the face is not a man in my opinion.
I only want men playing on my football team.
I understand totally, Mr.
Crandall.
I reward my boys for taking their punishment like men.
Don't I, Frank, huh? Ha, ha.
No punishment, no reward.
Winning philosophy, Mr.
Crandall.
[ALL CHATTERING.]
MAN: Take this jersey, would you? Hi.
Hello.
Heh.
- I'm looking for S - Pravik.
- Bela.
I kick the ball.
- Oh, yes, yes, Bela.
- You've heard of me.
- Oh, yes, I've Yes, of course.
Uh, do you like, uh, the bowling? I beg your pardon? Um, the The bowling.
Uh, knock down pins? Perhaps we can have date.
First, uh, pizza and then the bowling.
- No? - Uh, no.
Are Are you girlfriend of a player? In such case, I withdraw my request.
Oh, no, no.
Uh, I'm a reporter for the Washington Blaze and I'm here to do a story on the team.
Heh, America, what a country.
Woman of elegance writing newspaper articles about football.
In Liechtenstein, where I come from woman make, uh, pastries, uh, babies, and And trouble.
[CHUCKLES.]
So perhaps tonight, uh, we can eat pizza and knock down pins? - Oh, well, I'd love to, but l - Excuse me.
L I will be going now.
Uh, perhaps we can meet again.
I have vintage Rod Stewart records.
Uh Well, lookie here, a lady reporter.
Hell, I thought she was the new tight end.
Heh, hello.
[CLEARS THRO AT.]
I was hoping to get an interview with Sandy Newcombe.
Bum knees.
That's his life story.
Now, if you want a real exclusive interview with an all-pro tackle then you've come to the right place.
My editor wants a sidebar piece about how the Canadian football league differs from the NFL They don't hit real good up there.
That's the difference.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh.
Ha, ha.
Come on, Bobby, let's grab a shower.
You want to join us and soak up some real, authentic atmosphere? No, thank you, I've had my shower.
Okay.
[CHUCKLES.]
[SIGHS.]
Hey, cupcake.
[GRO ANS.]
AMANDA: Uh, hello, Mr.
, uh, Newcombe.
Hello.
What are you doing here? I'm here to do an interview with Sandy Newcombe for the Washington Blaze.
[SIGHS.]
Oh, God.
I asked Billy to send me a messenger.
- I assumed that he was going to send - Anybody but me.
Yeah.
Ow.
Oh, here, let me at least help you with those shoulder pads.
- No, no, no, I can handle it.
- Come on, just let me I am perfectly able to take off my shoulder pads.
Thank you.
[GRO ANING.]
- Ooh, you're in pain, aren't you? - No, I'm not.
I feel fine, perfectly fine.
Thank you.
I think I'll take off my shoes.
Do you have anything you want me to take back to the agency? Any information? Sir? Yeah.
Yeah.
Someone hit Bela's room last night trashed it, and threatened him.
I'm gonna take a look around tonight, see what I can dig up on Crandall.
He set up an office here in training camp.
So you think there's more to this Lazlo-Crandall connection? The prime minister of Liechtenstein is due here in three days.
He has vowed to change the tax laws there.
Crandall and a lot of people stand to gain a lot if that man were dead.
An assassination? Come on, Amanda, we're talking megabucks here.
I mean, starting a little coup is nothing to these guys.
FRANK: Hey, Newcombe.
If you spend more time hitting and less time with the ladies you might make the team.
[CHUCKLES.]
Uh, coach, this is This is Amanda King of the Blaze.
She's a reporter.
- She's, uh, wanting to interview me.
- Hello, coach.
Pleasure, ma'am but, uh, we're trying to run a training camp here.
Newcombe, can you still walk? Walk? Oh, coach, you just watch this.
[GRUNTS.]
See? Good as new.
Good.
Now hit the showers.
Yeah, coach.
I will.
[CHUCKLES.]
[GRO ANING.]
[CHUCKLES.]
LAZLO: Mr.
Crandall, Bela is one of the few people in the country who could recognize me.
You knew Bela was on the team.
Why didn't you say something before? I did not know he was on the team.
You will forgive me, Mr.
Crandall when I say I have things on my mind other than American football.
Do you really think that he could recognize you? [CRANDALL CHUCKLES.]
Mr.
Crandall, I am a fairly famous man in my part of the world.
Ah, I guess so, what with all the generals and princes and such that you've blown away.
Rumored to have blown away.
I have never been convicted, Mr.
Crandall.
What the hell do you propose we do about Bela? - Kill him.
- Oh.
[SIGHS.]
You have the same solution for every problem.
I cannot work under these circumstances.
There is a man here who can recognize me.
All right, Lazlo, just simmer down.
You can't back out of this job now.
The prime minister will be here in two days and I want this job done.
And it will be done.
If you allow me to take care of one other little job first.
Now, Lazlo, I can't permit you to do that.
He's the only place kicker I've got.
Mr.
Crandall you and your friends, you have nearly a billion dollars tied up in Liechtenstein.
I daresay, if this coup comes off, you can buy a brand new kicker.
The others who joined you in hiring me want nothing to go wrong.
Am I correct? Now, what is your decision? It's gotta look like an accident.
And you've gotta assure me of that.
Well, that shouldn't be too difficult.
Football is, after all, a very violent sport.
Is it not? [DOOR CLOSES.]
Bed check.
MAN: Coach, give us a break.
PHIL: Look at that.
Look at that.
That ain't so bad, sir.
Hmm.
Hmm? [CRANDALL SIGHS.]
You're slowing down, Phil.
I got my man, Mr.
Crandall.
Your man was playing with a broken ankle.
Heh, I can still play this game, Mr.
C.
Phil, you know I'm fond of you.
[CHUCKLES.]
I've always been fond of you.
I was fond of you when you were an overweight rookie.
[CHUCKLES.]
Yeah, I was fond of you when you, uh, got messed up with liquor in '75 and drugs in '76 and when the league wanted to throw you to the wolves in '77.
I'm still fond of you, boy.
I appreciate that, Mr.
C.
Well, of course you do because you know that loyalty to friends is one of my finest qualities.
Just as I know that your zest for violence and abuse brings out the best in you.
Ha, ha.
Thank you, sir.
You know I'd do anything for you and the Pioneers.
I never doubted it.
You remember when you split Schultz's skull for refusing to sign a new contract? [LAUGHING.]
I knew from then on that you were a team player all the way.
- And I'd do it again.
- Yeah.
You will.
Hmm.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
Uh Phil, this is, uh, Coach Lazlo.
Uh, we brought him in special to help us with some plays.
Hi there, Coach Lazlo.
- Uh, what league were you in? - None of your business.
Uh, now, Phil, Coach Lazlo and I have worked out a nuance for our kicking play for Sunday's opener against Philadelphia.
It's, uh It's 34 Red B, with just one small pattern change.
Here, take a look-see.
Uh, I'm pulling.
I don't pull on field goals.
Philly's defense will be over the top.
Bela would get creamed.
- You sure? - Absolutely.
The guy's got no protection.
Oh, that's nice.
Because in the ensuing pileup, Bela Pravik's carotid artery will be pinched, and in ten seconds he'll be dead.
[CRANDALL CHUCKLES.]
In a funny way, that's far simpler than our usual play.
But what player on the team would do something like that? You.
You are team captain.
Using a technique which I have perfected and will later demonstrate it is possible to stop the flow of blood and produce instantaneous death.
[WHISTLES.]
Makes just plain old tackle seem like the Dark Ages, doesn't it, Phil? But, Mr.
C.
, what if? Uh-uh, no what-ifs, Phil.
Bela has a lot to learn about sportsmanship.
He's trying to harm us.
Now, we can't permit him to do that, can we? You know, Phil it's a mighty cold world out there for ex-players with bad hands and damn wits and no future.
Of course, uh, when you're washed up, you'll still have a place in the world.
You'll be assistant coach to Frank, a good job, good salary and a reason to go on living.
- But what if they? - Oh, think positively, Phil.
Remember, when life hands you a lemon, make lemonade.
[CHUCKLES.]
If you do it right, it'll look like just another football accident.
And the fans will love it.
Were you to cross us [CLICKS TONGUE.]
I would have to slit your throat.
God, this game's gotten tough.
[DOOR OPENS.]
Good night, Phil.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Bed check.
Newcombe.
[CAMERA CLICKING.]
It's time that hotshot learned some team discipline.
[WHISPERING.]
Are you out here? [WHISPERING.]
Of course I'm here.
- You got anything for me? - Yeah.
- Get this film to the agency.
- What's on it? - It's a football play.
- A football play? Tell Billy to run it through cryptology and find something.
What for if it's just a football play? There's something that's I don't know, it just bothers me, so just do it, okay? Okay.
After all, what do I know? I'm just an assistant agent.
Apprentice agent.
Purist.
Is there anything else I can do? FRANK: Newcombe.
Newcombe, I'm looking for you.
LEE: Yeah, this.
- Oh! [AMANDA MO ANS.]
Excuse me, Mr.
Newcombe.
I hope you, uh, got all you came for, Mrs.
King.
Interview-wise, that is.
- Enjoy your work, do you? - Yes.
Very much.
Thank you so much.
I have a deadline to meet.
LEE: Hmm.
What was that all about, Newcombe? Ah, just a good rapport with the press.
I promised her an in-depth interview earlier.
At 11:00 pm.
Yeah, well, she, um She got rear-ended by a truck.
[LEE CHUCKLES.]
Good night.
MAN: Okay, tight, tight.
Bill's on Mr.
Crandall.
That looks like fun, give me a shot.
- Are you sure you can curl a hundred? - Sure, let a manly man do this.
[WOMAN GRUNTS.]
- Okay, that's three.
- That's one.
- Four.
- That's two.
- That's enough, I'm getting a beer.
- A b? [WOMAN SQUEALING.]
- Ah, hello, Mrs.
King.
- Oh, hello, Mr? - Newcombe.
Yeah.
- Newcombe.
- Hello.
- Did you make your deadline? Uh, no, as a As a matter of fact, I didn't.
- L I still have a little more research to do.
- Mm-hm.
- What did Billy say about the play? - Code people couldn't identify it.
It's probably just another play.
[SCOFFS.]
There is something wrong with that play, I just feel it.
I went through the entire playbook.
I couldn't find it anywhere.
Billy wants to know if Bela said anything about Lazlo.
[SIGHS.]
- He stopped talking about anything.
- He did? Yeah, I'm sort of surprised.
- We were getting to be friends.
- Really? Yeah.
He probably sensed my athletic background figured I was someone he could talk to.
- Mm-hm.
- Yeah, I'm serious.
- I know.
Spies are jocks too, you know.
Come on.
- Hey, I do tougher stuff than this every day.
- Hmm.
Is that the one that broke curfew, Frank? That's him, sir.
Caught him necking with that reporter.
Sandy Newcombe.
Fifteenth round draft choice from Canada.
That's right, doesn't like to hit.
Cut him, and do it just before the game on Sunday.
Hey, Newcombe, you better save yourself for Sunday's game.
- Now, we're counting on you.
- All right, you got it, coach.
[CHUCKLES.]
Hi, Sandy.
I've been looking for you.
LEE: Yeah? Could you help freshen my pom-pom? Oh, wait a minute, let Let me.
They don't look too bad.
All better now.
- Save yourself for Sunday.
- Yeah.
- Hello.
- Oh.
Hi, Bela.
I didn't see you.
It is because I'm short.
It occurs frequently.
Oh, well, you don't have to be very tall to kick the football, do you? - And you certainly do that well.
- Thank you.
Uh, many short men are pleasing like Napoleon and Mickey Rooney and Dudley Moore but a lot of American women like their men tall.
Oh, no, no, not me.
I like all men.
I mean, well, I don't like all men.
I don't know all men, I mean.
But I probably don't even know 20 percent of the men in the How do you like, uh, America? I love it every day, more and more.
- And my English is getting better, no? - Mm-hm.
And soon I'm speaking like famous actor Lionel Baltimore.
- Absolutely.
- You're full of tact, Mrs.
King.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
AMANDA: Thank you.
What's the matter? Um, I must go.
Bela.
Bela, are you here? Bela.
Bela, where are you? [AMANDA GRUNTS.]
Bela.
- What are you doing? - I'm resting.
Crowds make me nervous.
Crowds, or those two suspicious-Iooking guys who were watching you? Suspicious-Iooking? What suspicious-Iooking guys? Oh, come on, you know the ones.
- Do you notice them too? - Yes, I notice them.
I'm a reporter.
I'm trained to notice suspicious people, odd behavior, bad tailoring Please, Mrs.
King, do not notice anything else.
It's not safe for me if you keep noticing.
Maybe you could look another way a little bit more.
If you're in trouble all you have to do is just tell someone, and they'll help you.
Please, I am very nervous.
I can't think, and I can't be seen I can't be seen talking to you.
Now, I want this team in shape.
[AMANDA GRUNTS.]
Another interview, Mrs.
King? For the Sunday supplement.
[CRANDALL SCOFFS.]
L I'm embarrassed.
I'm I'm leaving.
Edit any way we can.
Ha, ha.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
[SILENCED GUNSHOT.]
[GRUNTING.]
[BELA PANTING.]
[GRUNTING.]
- Where were you? - There you are.
Under the stands with Bela.
He's afraid of something.
I think it has to do with those guys with the plaid sports coats.
- Hey, look at that.
MAN 1: Hey, Bela.
- What are you doing? MAN 2: Come back here.
BOBBY: Hey, the party's over here.
Go for it, Bela.
[PLAYERS SHOUTING.]
Oh, my gosh.
[ENGINE STARTS.]
Amanda.
Get to Billy.
Tell him we've spotted Lazlo but Lazlo may have spotted Bela.
- Right.
- What are you gonna do? - Find Bela.
[SIGHS.]
[ENGINE STARTS.]
- Bela.
Are you all right? - Yes, all right.
Uh, I fell in bushes.
Please, burn rubber? [TIRES SCREECHING.]
[TIRES SCREECHING.]
BILLY: No, I don't want the D.
C.
Police on this.
You pull every man you can get your hands on and send them here, to me.
Yes, I know it's Saturday night.
I have a calendar in my office, thank you very much.
I don't know, he's not at his apartment, no one has seen him.
- How far could he have gotten on foot? - I went over the grounds.
- For two cents, I'd pull Crandall in.
- For what? Even if you prove he's met with Lazlo, it's not a crime.
You're gonna start throwing technicalities at me You will never know just how inappropriate your beep was.
I can imagine.
The poor guy.
Lazlo went after Bela and Bela ran.
Get on the phone to our man at Dulles have him watch out for Lazlo in case he tries to get out.
I wouldn't bet on it.
I think he wants to finish the job.
I spent two hours at the hairdresser this afternoon.
Not to mention the manicure.
Could have had yourself bronzed.
Maybe he stole a car.
Maybe he got a ride with someone.
A ride? With whom? Liechtenstein's prime minister is due in Washington on the 23rd.
He's the target.
Everything points to it.
Lazlo's afraid that Bela will blow the whistle.
- He goes after - We have to get Bela.
[PHONE RINGS.]
- Thirty-eight-forty-seven.
- Hello, this is Amanda King.
We're a little busy at the moment.
- I have Bela.
- She's got Bela.
Amanda, where are you? Um, I'm at the corner of Hoover and Northwest Jay Street.
Uh, I would have called you sooner except he was awfully scared and I just now talked him into letting me call at all.
- Were you followed? AMANDA: I wasn't followed.
I know how to get rid of a tail.
[BELA GRUNTING.]
All right, all right.
Now, where is Bela? He's right here where I can see him being driven away in a car by those two bad men.
Amanda? Amanda.
Amanda? Amanda, are you there? Amanda.
What? Lee? WOMAN [ON RECORDING.]
: The following tape is the property of the agency and may not be used without authorization.
All right, all right.
Automobile Surveillance Refresher Tape.
- In the course of his duties - Her.
the agent may be called upon to conduct the surveillance of a suspect from a moving vehicle.
The following basic principles apply.
One: Always keep the subject vehicle in view.
Roger.
Two: Keep one neutral vehicle between you and the subject vehicle - whenever feasible.
- Not feasible.
Three: Maintain a constant speed.
This is no time for colorful driving skills.
Four: Anticipate traffic congestion and obstructions before you encounter them.
This, of course, includes traffic signals.
Don't call attention to yourself by running a red light.
Oops.
Successful surveillance of a subject vehicle is a priority status suspended only by emergency situations or agents' personal discretion.
It's more complicated than my income tax form.
WOMAN [ON RECORDING.]
: Now, at last, you reach your destination.
Congratulations.
Keep the subject in sight and mentally review detainment procedure.
Do not, of course, leave your car without a weapon and proper backup.
Now you tell me.
Keep in contact at all times with your superior.
Yeah? That concludes Automobile Surveillance Refresher Tape part one.
Great.
[CAR HONKING.]
- They got him.
I'm glad you're here.
- Well, why wouldn't I be here? I was told to be here, only the person who told me to be here wasn't here.
I'm here, aren't I? I was listening to the cassette.
I was trying to remember everything in the training manual.
Look, it only makes sense that if I'm baking a cake and someone sticks his finger and I wanna find out who it is I keep my eye on the cake.
Even though I pretend I'm not looking I never take my eye off the cake - Amanda.
- And that's exactly what I was doing - Amanda.
- Amanda.
- Yes? Who has him? The men that I told you about in the plaid sports jackets.
- You lost them, right? - No, I didn't.
- Where are they? - They were in a real seedy-Iooking kind of a bar and a grill.
[SIGHS.]
What's its name? Well You know how sometimes when you look at a neon sign and some of the letters are out - The address? I was so busy listening to the cassette and trying to remember - You didn't get the address.
- You could say that.
- Oh, Amanda.
- Well, I could take you there.
- That's a good idea.
- Good idea.
Yeah, yeah.
[PRICE CHUCKLES.]
- Any trouble? - No.
Tail? If you can call it that.
- Then we can expect company.
- Hmm.
Bring them up to me when they show up.
What's doing, kid? Uh, I'm being protected by United States government.
Some protection.
[PRICE LAUGHS.]
[AMANDA SIGHS.]
All right, if I'm not out in five minutes, you call Billy.
Lee, are you sure you should go in there alone? I mean, it could get dangerous.
Amanda, please.
I'm a professional, remember? I think I know a little bit about this.
Hand it over, or you're dog food.
[COUGHING.]
I'm listening.
Okay, I'm gonna take a real chance here.
I'm willing to bet that you are the kind of guy who is ready to get out of something before he gets in over his head.
- What? - I trust you know what I mean when I say Liechtenstein? What is this, a quiz show? Somebody hit him.
Wait, wait, hold, hold.
All right.
Liechtenstein doesn't ring a bell.
[SIGHS.]
Okay, I am Sandy Newcombe, I play football for the Pioneers.
This is Amanda King.
She's a reporter for the Blaze.
And I'm the pope.
[MEN LAUGHING.]
The night before the final practice, the ball kicker winds up in her car and you show up here with a heater.
- Is somebody gonna hit him or not? - No, wait a minute.
We are actually agents of the United States government and at this very moment, this entire building is being surrounded by great big guns and tanks.
[LAUGHS.]
She's good, the bimbo.
Terrific.
[INTERCOM BUZZES.]
Honey, you ever want to come work for me, I'll make room for you.
[AMANDA CHUCKLES.]
You're working for Greco, aren't you? He's gonna be broke by Sunday night.
Hey, Marty, will you write up Rosenfeld for, uh, 75 hundred at three and a half? PRINCE: Rosenfeld? Yeah.
WOLF: Okay, it's a deal.
[CHUCKLES.]
Amanda, it's It's no use.
All right, I'm gonna level with you.
We're down on the Pioneers for a bundle.
All we wanted to do was make sure that nothing was gonna happen to Bela.
- Just what I thought.
- Heh, well, you sure have us pegged.
[CHUCKLES.]
So we'll just be on our way.
Come on, Amanda.
All right, hold it.
PRICE: Let's be reasonable.
We're all businessmen here.
I let you go, you switch your action.
Maybe even call the Feds.
Suddenly the spread goes haywire and I'm into nickels and dimes.
We are the Feds.
[PRICE LAUGHS.]
- She's priceless, I love her.
- All right.
What are you going to do? I'm gonna offer you my hospitality till after the game.
And don't worry about Bela.
We'll deliver him safe and sound.
All Bela's got to do for me is miss a couple of field goals.
I've got to protect my investors.
Well, I'm sorry.
We just can't stay.
Hit him.
[LEE GRUNTS.]
Coach Lazlo.
Shut up, you moron.
- Where is he, Crandall? - I don't know, I don't know.
I've checked every place I can think of, every bowling alley in town.
Well, if he doesn't show up for final practice tomorrow we can assume he's gone to the authorities.
He will be here.
Will you stop with those damn nuts? Lazlo, all that boy's got is football.
Now, I'm sure that you scared him when you were chasing him around out there but why would he go shooting his mouth off for no good reason and blow a career? Well, we'll know tomorrow, won't we? And if he does show up then we'll take care of him during practice.
I cannot afford to wait for Sunday's game.
Well, if we do it during practice uh, I'll have to switch Phil to defense for that play.
Uh Uh, I guess, uh, it can be done.
Just send me in, coach.
I'm ready.
Oh, good, Brunasky.
I'll sleep so much better just knowing that.
[YAWNING.]
[SIGHS.]
[GRO ANS.]
[LEE SIGHS.]
- Psst.
Amanda.
- Mother.
Amanda.
[AMANDA GRUNTS.]
[LEE SIGHS.]
Oh.
- I must have dozed off.
- Yeah, ha, ha.
The whole night.
I can't believe I spent the night in a bookie joint in a straitjacket.
My mother will never believe it.
Ha, ha.
Amanda, believe me, we have worse problems than your mother thinking you were shacked up.
[GRO ANS.]
I wasn't shacked up.
[GRUNTS.]
- We've got to get out of here.
- Hmm.
If they deliver Bela to that field, Lazlo will have another shot at him.
No, no, no, not on the last practice.
There'll be too many people there.
Well, the way to Lazlo is through Bela.
Now, Price delivers Bela to the stadium into the hands of Crandall.
But there are people around.
And he'll have to account for Bela so he puts him in the practice game.
I've always thought that short men shouldn't play football.
It's too dangerous.
No, no, no, kickers don't get tackled.
Oh, yes they are.
Don't you remember in the Superbowl? It was, uh, about two years ago? Do you remember the kicker? He was gonna pass it instead for the time maker? - They creamed him.
- Unless it's a busted play.
He could get blocked, and then The play.
The play, Amanda, the play.
- What play? - The one in Crandall's office.
Billy ran it through the computer, it's just a regular football play.
Of course, yes, that's all it is, an old football play.
The guard is pulling.
The left guard, left tackle and safety will run right through the hole.
- Heh, why didn't I see it? - See what? They're gonna kill Bela right there on the field.
MAN: One, two, three, two.
One, two, three, three.
One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, five.
One, two, three, six.
Good morning.
[LEE YELLS.]
[LEE GRUNTING.]
[LEE SIGHS.]
Yeah, Mr.
Crandall likes it when we stick them with the face.
Hey.
We're federal agents.
Uh, you've got to help us.
Uh Look, we have got to stop this Liechtensteinian assassin and, you see, we're running out of time, and [PLAYERS GRUNTING.]
[QUARTERBACK SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY.]
[ALL GRUNTING.]
MAN: All right, all right.
Hey.
- Pravik, where have you been? BELA: I, uh Detective Sergeant Prescott, 23rd precinct.
Your boy here got rowdy last night.
Spent the night in hospitality of the city.
We made sure he got a good night's sleep though.
I don't feel so good.
Maybe it's mistake to play.
Oh, you're playing, all right, you little creep.
Get on that bench, slime.
I love that team spirit.
You're driving like a maniac.
We have got to get there before they run a field-goal play.
I used to have this driving instructor, Barney Barney's Barney's Driving Instructing School and he used to say that the cardinal rule of the highway was: Haste makes waste.
[ENGINE REVVING.]
[QUARTERBACK SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY.]
[ALL GRUNTING.]
Gee, uh, Bela, I guess we'll be running that field goal play any time now.
- Yeah.
- How's the neck doing? - What? FRANK: Okay, kicking team on the field.
That's you, shrimp.
CRANDALL: Men, I want to see some hitting out there.
Good, clean, vicious hitting.
FRANK: Mr.
Crandall wants to try you on defense this play.
Uh, play 34 Red B.
- Okay, wonky.
Come on! PLAYERS: Aah! Move it, shorty.
All right.
Call the agency again.
Make sure Billy is on his way with the artillery, huh? Right.
MAN: Thirty-four Red B.
Hut one, hut two, hut three.
[YELLING.]
[PHIL GRUNTING.]
[LEE & PHIL GRUNTING.]
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE.]
[PHIL GRUNTS.]
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE.]
[WHISTLE BLOWS.]
[PHIL GRUNTING.]
LEE: Lazlo.
Hold it! [POLICE SIREN WAILING.]
BILLY: There's Lazlo.
Get him.
- You're pretty good with that camera.
- Thank you.
I minored in photojournalism in college.
I always knew it would come in handy someday.
[SIGHS.]
LEE: Hey, Billy.
Nice to see you.
[LEE CHUCKLES.]
You're having my most profound ingratitude.
Sure, sure.
No problem.
[CHUCKLES.]
We're picking up Price and his men now.
- You won't have to worry about them.
- Thank you very much.
You know, it makes absolutely no sense to me at all how grown men can do this to each other.
Oh, come on, it was great.
I don't know when I've ever had so much fun.
You know, those guys aren't all that big.
[LEE SCOFFS.]
LEE: This game is made for me.
I really think l I could play big league.
Whoa! [SCOFFS.]
LEE: Hi.
AMANDA: What are you doing here? I, uh, brought you a gift.
Oh, well, thank you, I needed a football.
Oh.
"To a heck of a good reporter.
Best wishes, Sandy Newcombe.
" It's a souvenir of our case.
I'm out celebrating the end of my illustrious football career.
- Ha, ha.
- Thank you.
LEE: Cheers.
DOTTY: Amanda? Uh, yes, Mother.
Well, my headache mask is leaking and my sinuses are killing me.
Oh, having a little party, are you, dear? You know, Amanda, sometimes you puzzle me.
- I mean this only in the most loving way.
- Hmm.
But last night, you didn't get home until morning.
Then, dear, you do get these rather odd phone calls after which you go rushing out of the house.
I mean, I'm sure it is perfectly innocent.
- It is, Mother.
- Bless you.
Ah, it's just that I get jittery because I I'm thinking about my Uncle Iggy.
- Uncle Iggy? DOTTY: He was a brush salesman in Topeka.
One day, they found out that he had joined a cult.
He was becoming a wizard.
Amanda, you're not Uncle Iggy.
Imagine, you, leading a double life.
[CHUCKLES.]
DOTTY: Imagine, you.
I mean, that is a silly thought.
Amanda?