Schooled (2019) s01e01 Episode Script

Be Like Mike

1 ADULT ADAM: Ah, the '90s The decade of the TV spin-off.
"Hercules" gave us "Xena.
" "Buffy" gave us "Angel.
" And "The Golden Girls" gave us the exact same show without Bea Arthur.
The '80s were my decade, my story, my glory days.
But that wasn't the case for Lainey Lewis.
LAINEY: Back then, my romance with Barry Goldberg was legendary, but in the end, it wasn't meant to be.
Yep, my story was just beginning.
I was driven to leave our small town, destined to become the biggest rock star in the world.
Hello, Austin! Fletcher's eighth birthday party.
You're a big boy now, Austin.
Like most music careers, mine started at the bottom.
But I did have some brushes with greatness.
- I want my baby back - Chili's baby back ribs Barbecue sauce Now, uh, let's hear it with just the guys.
MEN: I want my baby back But years of coming up short couldn't satisfy my rock 'n' roll dreams.
- [Line ringing] - Or my mounting debt and anxious dad.
- [Modem beeping] - I had to face reality and find a real job.
You need to face reality and find a real job! - Yes, Daddy.
I'm well aware.
- [Mouse clicking] And then, with the help of '90s Internet technology, the perfect fallback job, the answer to all my problems appeared before my eyes.
Every fiber of my being pointed to "Yes.
" No.
But I'd be a great choral teacher.
I love music.
I work well with children probably.
The only drawback is that you have no experience or knowledge or references.
Actually, I do have one reference.
That's not nearly enough.
Hello, Jonathan.
Oh, [bleep] me! This girl is an angel from Heaven, and if you don't hire her right now, I'm just gonna have to show up here every day until you do.
- Welcome aboard.
- Oh! [Laughs] I made you a shrimp Parm.
[Tires squeal, screech] Yep, I was back in my old school, but as a teacher a teacher who overslept on her first day.
Exactly like I did every day I went there.
Oh, son of a Well, well, well.
If it isn't Lainey Lewis.
Hey, Coach.
You're looking weirdly, exactly the same.
You're late, smartmouth.
Throw on some gym clothes and get into right field with Sanjeev.
Yeah, I was a student here years ago.
I'm the new music teacher.
You? But you're a troublemaker and a slacker.
A lot has changed, and I am an adult now.
You're wearing two different shoes.
Shut up, nerd! No, not nerd.
Uh, valued student.
Way to cover.
Welcome back, Lainey Lewis.
[Whistle blows] One of these days, you're gonna get outta here Live your life and finally be free Go where you wanna go, do what you wanna do Someday, you will say "Those were the days" It was January 9th, 1990-something, and even though I was off to a rough start, I was ready to prove I was an adult, a real teacher.
Oh! No students in the teachers lounge.
This is where we talk and show emotions.
Again, not a student.
We just went over this outside.
Ah.
Muscle memory.
You know, every time I see you, my first instinct is to give you detention.
Well, can you stop? Oh, like all my muscles, my memory's jacked, but I will do my best.
Hey, gang, just wanted everyone to give our new music teacher, Lainey Lewis, a big teachers lounge welcome.
All right! All right, all right! So, I bet it's pretty exciting getting a glimpse behind the curtain, huh? Oh, yeah.
Getting to see your old gym teacher slurp down that thick drink.
S-So magical.
Chicken and beets.
Still warm.
You want a pull? I'm good.
Thanks, Coach Mellor.
Coach Mellor? Come on, you're one of us now.
From here on out, it's first names only.
You got it.
I wanna say Stanley? No.
It's John.
- [School bell rings] - Wow.
Anyways, uh, any questions? Yeah.
When do the paychecks start? [Chuckles] As if we're here for the money, right? [Chuckles] Wait, no, you're not actually here for the money, are you? Of course not.
But is it possible to get the whole year's salary in one lump sum? Because I have a bit of a credit-card disagreement.
Okay, I know that being a teacher wasn't your dream, but it is my dream as the new principal not to look like an idiot.
So try.
Look, why don't you grab your syllabus, and let's get to making a difference in those kids' lives.
Syllabus.
That's a bonsai tree.
Syllabus.
While I was struggling with the basics of teaching, Coach Mellor was about to get a lesson on the changing style of basketball.
[Triumphant music plays] For years, Coach prided himself on teaching teamwork, but he was finding that kids in the '90s had different ideas.
Whoa! What the hell was that? I think it was a pump fake followed by a monster jam.
Okay.
If you want to make my team, you always pass three times before you shoot.
You think Michael Jordan passes three times? Big man wants to be like Mike, huh? All right! Scrimmage time! Two teams! Over here Matty! Over there everyone else.
[Sneakers squeaking] Wait, what? Well, let's see what happens when Señor Showboat thinks he can win on his own.
Ball in! [Whistle blows] Yep, Coach was gonna teach his kids to believe the team was bigger than any one player.
- It's such a - [Music slows, stops] Let's just say it didn't go well.
MELLOR: Good work, boys! Lulling him into a false sense of security! - It's such a good - [Music slows, stops] Looks like they're toying with you, Matty! It's such a good It's such a It's such Did any of you eat breakfast? As Coach lost his way with his star player, I was finding my way in my new job.
"Lewis.
" Yeah.
And welcome.
[Chuckles nervously] Um, let's see what our first assignment is.
"Fall doo-wop concert"? Seriously? Okay.
Let's start with "Yakety Yak.
" [Students groan] Hey, you.
Lose the Discman.
[Rock music plays] - Sorry, I don't sing.
- [Music turns off] Well, you signed up for the class, and now you're gonna do doowop.
Actually, I need to go to the nurse's office.
- Um, no.
- What? Here's the thing.
The "I need to go to the nurse's office because I want to get out of a boring class" move's not gonna work with me, because [chuckles] I'm the one who invented it.
But my stomach hurts.
I have Cramps.
Way ahead of ya.
- But this is A - America, and you have rights, and I can't stop you? - I wasn't - Gonna say that? No.
I was gonna say that I don't have to listen to some loser who failed at life, so she has to teach.
[Students snickering] - Get out.
- Gotcha.
- Forever.
- What? You're out of my class forever.
- You can't do that.
- Oh, I can, and I will.
In fact, no more school at all.
You can't kick me out of school! Oh, I most certainly can, I think! In fact, I'll kick you out of all schools.
Your mom can teach you in your kitchen.
You can't do that, I think! Oh, yes, I can, I think! Because I'm a teacher! Fine! Coach, I need to ask you a very, very important question - about the dos and don'ts of educating.
- Shoot.
Can I ban a student from all schools for all of her life? You can't.
Education is a fundamental right.
That is unfortunate.
While I have you here, what's with the kids of your generation? It's all about "me, me, me.
" And basketball is a team sport.
You know who this guy is? Michael Jordan, the most famous person in the world? Yeah, well, he's a pain in the glutes.
He's so dominant, he's literally changing the game of basketball.
Not to mention these.
Now every kid wants to wear these shrunken clown pants, and short shorts are no longer cool.
Hey, styles change.
Everyone's got to move on and evolve at some point.
The problem with Matty isn't about being afraid to change.
It's about teaching him the values of teamwork, and until I can figure out a way to get through to him, I'm sticking to my guns.
Well, so am I.
That girl Felicia's out on her ass for good! Besides, I'm a teacher now.
It's not like I can get into trouble.
Yeah, you're in trouble.
It's not my fault! You made me teach doo-wop on my first day.
Hey, the fall doo-wop concert is a toe-tapping school tradition that dates back all the way to the first fall doo-wop concert.
The problem is that girl Felicia.
She's an angry rage monster.
- She's my niece.
- So you get it.
I actually think that you could help Felicia.
She's just like you were in high school, except worse.
[Scoffs] She's nothing like me.
She's rude, disrespectful that does sound like me.
But she doesn't sing, and I would always sing.
Actually, Felicia's the best singer in the school.
She just completely shut down since her parents split up.
- That's awesome.
- What? Why? That's what happened to me in high school! Maybe I can connect with her over it and stuff.
Now you're thinking like a teacher.
This gives me hope.
Actual hope, not the lying kind.
Thanks, Mr.
Glascott.
I needed this.
First names only.
I wanna say Alvin? Alvin? Seriously? So, I went to connect with Felicia, and as a former crappy kid, I knew just where to find her.
And put you in your place But mostly punch your face Aww.
You wrote a song about me.
She knows it's about her.
Run! Your uncle's right.
You do sing.
I got to say, I'm impressed.
[Scoffs] Impressed? Hey, I wrote tons of songs about people who piss me off.
The truth is, I'm not the enemy.
How's that, exactly? I get what you're going through.
My parents got divorced when I was in high school, too.
So that's why you're still a mess.
Are you seriously being a smartass about this? I thought we were gonna connect! Vibe about divorce! Who wants to vibe about divorce? Dear God, you suck at this.
Oh, do I? What's in your backpack? Nothing! Just books! Schoolbooks for learning! And a bottle of Zima for my book report on Zima.
I didn't just invent the "see the nurse to cut class" move.
I also invented the "party under the bleachers" move.
So now what? Now you're gonna sing the dumb doo-wop solo so your uncle thinks we connected and I inspired you.
If not, I'm gonna tell him that you have a taste for this embarrassing form of fruit-flavored alcohol.
But you can't blackmail me! And yet, I just did.
It was the first game of the year, and Coach was firing up his team.
- Go, team! - Let's go, go, go! Yeah, let's do this! Whoa.
What the hell am I looking at? My My shorts.
Those aren't shorts.
Those are culottes.
What's a culotte? It's a knee-length trouser, cut with a very full leg to resemble a skirt! These are NBA shorts.
Michael Jordan wears these.
Go change right now! No.
If anyone needs to change it's you.
Then you don't play.
Tell ya what don't bother benching me, Coach.
I quit.
Read the room, Captain Howie.
You just put on your coat and hat I can't believe you inspired Felicia to sing again.
How'd you do it? To be a great teacher, you have to be a great human.
- Clearly, that's what I am.
- [Chuckles] Bring in the dog and put out the cat CLASS: Yakety yak Don't talk back! [Laughs] Not only a toe-tapper, but a valuable message about politeness.
I can't do this! I can't be this peppy! I'm Audi 5000.
Hey! We had an agreement.
You stay, or I tell your uncle about your enthusiasm for adult fruit juice.
Or maybe I tell him that you not only didn't report me, but you took the Zima and drank it.
Ooh, Zima! Is it beer or is it liquor? Not now, Johnny Atkins! So tangy and delicious! [Switch clicks, whirring stops] You can't blackmail a blackmailer, missy.
I will so take you down.
And I'll take you down with me.
Wait.
We both lose if we destroy each other, but I might have a solution that works for both of us.
[Grunge music plays] Yakety yak, yakety yak! And just like that, I got my first truly inspired idea as a teacher.
Felicia would still do the concert.
We'd just take the doo-wop songs and make them grunge.
LAINEY: Come on! Put some shoulder into it! And it was awesome! I was finally connecting with my students.
This is how you mosh! [Music stops] Oh, crap! I love grunge! [Cheering] You are the principal now, John.
You just can't let Mellor bench our star player.
Say something! You can't bench the star of the team, Rick.
I don't even get why Earl is here.
He's not even the principal anymore.
But I am on the Board of Trustees, and we answer to a lot of rich donors who are outraged because the most talented athlete is transferring to Germantown Academy! - Matty's transferring?! - Go fix it.
If I can get through to him, the kid can go pro! It's not a choice! I'm just trying to get Matty to learn teamwork.
It's not a choice! - How dare y - Not a choice.
- I - Not a choice.
- This is - Not a choice.
Not a choice.
- You don't - Not a choice.
Stupid Board of Regents.
It's like they completely forgot we were undefeated from '81 to '89! And now it's the '90s.
Times are changing, and so is our school.
But some change is wrong! Shorts are meant to be short! It says it right there in the name! I know you like things done your way, Rick, but being a good teacher means being open to new ideas.
"A Night of Grunge"?! What happened to doo-wop?! I thought you said being a good teacher was being open to new ideas.
New ideas is one thing.
This is madness! This school has been welcoming in the fall season with doo-wop for over 30 years.
We are not doing grunge now.
What do you got against grunge, man? You people are gonna learn the realities of grunge music from a man who knows it better than any of you.
Kurt Cobain? I don't know who that is.
I'm talking about the one and only Mr.
Phil Donahue.
- [Television turns on] - This is moshing.
You get in the middle of the floor, and you bang each other? You give elbows? This isn't funny.
Mark my words, people.
There will be no moshing at the fall concert.
You will sing "Yakety Yak," and you will not talk back.
- But - Don't talk back.
- But - Don't talk back.
The only reason I agreed to sing this stupid solo is so she wouldn't rat me out.
Rat you out? For what? Not having Zima? So you blackmailed her to get her to sing? I thought you did it by caring.
I do care.
I got them excited about the concert.
Did I use blackmail to do it? Yes.
Did Sanjeev dislocate his wrist? Sure.
Everything I'm hearing is wrong! You're a teacher now.
Act like it.
[School bell rings] Okay, people.
Phil Donahue has spoken.
No more grunge.
Are you seriously just gonna bail on our thing? Okay.
Class is over.
Tomorrow, it's back to doo-wop.
This is on me for actually thinking life didn't suck for once.
I'm sorry.
I was just trying to connect with the kids.
- Oh, no, I'm sorry.
- It's my fault for thinking that you could actually be a good teacher.
What were you expecting? I never planned on being here.
This job is just supposed to pay the bills till I get my big break.
Don't you get it? This is your big break.
And I'm the only one giving you a shot to do something great.
And you're blowing it.
Coach was told to stop teaching the best way he knew how, but that was never gonna happen.
Live in sort of a regular house for a showboater.
Coach, it's over.
I'm transferring to Germantown.
I made up my mind.
Oh.
'Cause I was here to give you a chance to do things your way, you know? Be team captain, slam dunk, wear those blousy skirts.
What's the catch? You got to beat me at HORSE.
- [Chuckles] - But if you lose, you got to let me make you into the ultimate team player.
Who shoots first? Oh, I forgot to mention, I was the, uh, 17 and Under Trick Shot Champion of Southeast Pennsylvania.
[Basketball bounces] And I'm an actual basketball player.
All right, hot shot.
Let's ride.
Off the roof.
Nothing but net.
Ooh! Looks like you just got yourself an "H"! Nothing but net.
Nothing but net! [Grunts] Yeah! Off your dad.
Nothing but net.
S-Sorry, Carl! Hail Mary, nothing but net.
Whoever misses next loses.
[Panting] It's game time, Coach.
I know you can't do that.
You sure about that, hot shot? [Triumphant music plays] - [Screams] - [Thud] Nothing but net.
Are you crazy?! You could have killed yourself! I'm fine.
Question is, how are you? After all, you won.
Well, seeing as you almost broke your neck [chuckles] it feels kind of empty.
Yeah, well, maybe that's 'cause there's nobody here to share it with.
But if you had a team, you're never alone.
Why do you care so much? You're the best athlete I've ever coached.
At this level, you can do it all on your own, but if you go pro, you're gonna need to rely on a team.
Until you learn that, I'll never give up.
[Chuckles] Okay.
I get it.
[Sighs] Coach had finally found a way to get through to Matty.
As for me, I was more lost than ever.
Crying in the teachers lounge after hours, huh? Well I guess you really are a teacher now.
It's been a tough week.
Uh-huh.
Tell me about it.
[Sighs] Please.
You were born to teach.
But me? I sucked at being a rock star, and I suck at this.
"Born to teach"? When I was your age, I wanted to go to the Olympics.
Wanted to be a wrestler.
But I blew my knee out.
I didn't know that.
And after I got hurt, I thought I had nothing left.
Then an old high school coach suggested that, with my passion for sports, I might be a good teacher.
I always thought this was, like, what you wanted.
It is now.
I see a kid win, make a difference in their life, that's better than any gold medal.
You'll feel it, too.
Actually, I did feel it, too.
But then Glascott said I was doing it all wrong.
Were you? I didn't think so.
Well, then, that's all that matters.
In this job, the best teachers follow their hearts, no matter what.
[Smashing Pumpkins' "Today" plays] Thanks, Coach.
It's Rick.
You're one of us now.
Rick showed me that even the best teachers have to find new ways to inspire their students.
He even found a way to inspire me.
You here to search my locker? No, I'm here to apologize for not sticking up for you guys the other day.
Thanks, I guess.
- You know what? - Between the wine coolers, our crappy attitudes, and our parents' divorces, we're kind of the same.
Look, when I was a student here, I thought the teachers were super annoying.
But the truth is, they helped me get through a lot of stuff.
Actually, they still do.
Maybe I can be your annoying teacher.
I wouldn't hate that.
Here.
You're gonna need this.
We got a grunge show to do.
Today Seeing Felicia up there doing what she loved what I loved I realized that even though I might have put my dreams on hold for this job, in the end, I got a lot more back than I ever thought possible.
We need to talk about this concert.
I know.
It's crazy and dangerous and awesome, and if I'm gonna work here, then I do it my way.
I have so much to learn, but the one thing I know is I can do this.
Actually, I was gonna say "Well done.
" What? These kids are having the time of their lives in there.
You did that.
And while you do have a lot to learn, I'm gonna have to learn to trust you.
Good.
And thank you.
But no more moshing.
Understand? Deal.
Starting tomorrow.
[Sighs] Change can be scary, but whether you're ready for it or not, it's gonna happen.
And if you embrace it, you might just discover new things about yourself.
And when you have a team who supports you, together, you can fly higher than you ever thought possible.
Ooh, ooh, ooh Team's really digging the new uniforms, Coach.
You know what? So am I.
They really let the quads breathe, you know? You look weird.
I feel weird, Matty.
Speaking of change, you know, our football team could use a quarterback with an arm like yours.
Because of that game of HORSE? We were just goofing around.
Well, let's just say I got a hunch.
[Ding!] I'm Rick Mellor, high school football coach.
I'm Matt Ryan, NFL quarterback.
I have so many good memories, whether it was playing basketball, Ping-Pong Hitting the crossbar.
Hitting the crossbar at football practice after They banned that, by the way.
Oh, man, they need to bring that That's how I got good, I think.
Matt played all three sports.
He actually started for me as a freshman in baseball.
And I think one of the finest memories Matt hit a line-drive foul ball [Laughing] And I almost killed you.
I almost killed him on the third-base line.
I forgot until you brought that up, but I literally almost killed Rick.
I think anybody growing up idolized Michael Jordan.
With the short shorts on.
And then they got a little bit longer.
You know, I was really lucky to have coaches like Coach Mellor.
And it was a unique relationship and something that was very special to me.